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“And when you fall apart am I the reason for your endless sorrow?”
It hurt.
Not that he would ever admit it out loud. He would never. Katsuki was good at hiding his emotions behind a mask of anger and people never bothered enough to see beyond that.
He didn’t need people anyways, he needed no motherfucking friends. Still, he was glad the self proclaimed Bakusquad (what a stupid fucking name) decided to stick around. Not that he would ever tell them that , of course. He barely tolerated them and their stupidity as it was, but it was still nice to have people caring about him.
He was fine, until that fucking IcyHot bastard came into the picture.
He was fine. He didn’t need people and they usually didn’t like him very much. He was used to being ignored, shunned and even treated badly. Years with his mother made him insensible to that shit. They always thought he was better off as a villain anyway, that he was too fucking troublesome to be considered a good Hero. It usually made him snort in anger, because their fucking number one was Endeavor and he liked to think he was better than that bastard as a human being.
Katsuki didn’t work well with people. Until that stupid Half ‘n Half idiot proved him wrong. He was not good with taking orders. Until that motherfucker told him what to do and he did it. He fucking did it. He would always do it, bitching and moaning, because… because the idiot seemed to see right through him.
IcyHot was as much a teamplayer as Katsuki, which was not at all, but still. They were good together, as Shitty Hair loved to point out. They didn’t need to communicate to get shit done, it just… flowed. The bastard could anticipate his moves and tell him exactly what to do with just one look and a few words. Katsuki understood it, deep in his core, as Half ‘n Half could also understand him. He was smart like that.
It was insane to even think about that, because all of that shit they did together? It fucking worked, gloriously, and it made Katsuki angry.
So very angry.
Angry, because it gave him hope. It made him think about things he never wanted. And the idiot was pretty. So fucking pretty, with that stupid, soft, dual colored hair and those intense mismatched eyes. He was a walking antithesis, two sides of a fucking coin in one body. He was distracting. But fuck him, Katsuki was strong and could control his own mind. He had been doing it for a long time.
Until that moment.
It was that IcyHot bastard’s fault. He was the one to blame.
“We might get partnered too.” Said that deep, intense and half dead voice that Katsuki hated so much. It always made his heart skip a fucking beat.
Fucking bastard!
Katsuki never hated him as much as he did at that moment. He hated him so much for giving him hope. Because that sentence? It sounded like the Half ‘n Half idiot was eager for it to happen. Eager to work with him.
It made Katsuki want things he was not supposed to.
It fucked him over so good that he couldn’t control the smirk that took his lips as he looked over his shoulder.
“Spare me.”
Yes. Spare him. Spare him the pain, the rejection, the gut wrenching feeling of not being good enough. Spare him the hope.
Spare him.
Because Katsuki knew there was no way the Ice Prince (of hell) would ever be interested in him. The idiot would go for someone gentle, caring. Polite. Someone who showed him affection. Someone who was not Katsuki. He was not good enough. He wasn’t.
Shouto would never look at him like that. Who would, right? Katsuki was… too much. And it fucking hurt.
He walked away, without waiting for a reply so he could crush the never ending hope that would always blossom back inside his chest. Not seeing the way his movements were followed by mismatched eyes, full of longing and want. Full of what he craved the most.
He never noticed, too lost inside his own self loathing. He never noticed.
And he never saw that, by walking away, he also left some of his pain behind. He never saw the hands that touched the air, trying to reach him. Again. And again.
He never noticed any of it. How could him? He hated himself too much to accept that he was worthy of love.
He hated himself too much.
Too fucking much.
Not worth it.