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The first time he holds her he's afraid she'll break in his arms.
He's never considered her to be this fragile, this prone to shattering.
She's always appeared so strong.
Even when she was nothing but practically splashing water at him he'd never thought she was weak. Untrained, yes, but there was always a fire in her eyes that never made her seem weak. Breakable.
But now as she sobs into his chest and all he can do is run is hold her tight he realizes that even she, Katara of the Southern Seas, can shatter.
"I couldn't do it Zuko," she gurgles between sobs. Her voice sounds constrained, tight, as if she's struggling to get the words out. "I couldn't kill him."
He feels the urge to go back and kill Yon Ra himself. He deserves it. He deserves that for shattering this girls. This beautiful, all too good for this world girl, that is mustering up a storm as she cries.
The skies above them have darkened and he feels the electricity of lightening in the air. He has half a mind to steer Appa back around and kill that man the more he feels her tears steep into his shirt.
He tries to soothe her, hums an old lullaby his mother used to sing to him until she's quiet.
She's been up for days with little rest and food. He wonders how she didn't pass out before.
The rush of revenge can spur people forwards without little need for the human things of sleeping and eating, he reasons.
He leans back with her in his arms, still humming that old lullaby, his hand still rubbing circles into her back. He presses her closer, brings up his body heat so she won't feel the cold of the air as the pressure lowers.
It'll rain tonight. He wonders if it'll be enough to drown that coward and take his body out to sea.
If she were to ever want to return to face him again, Zuko would follow her. Zuko would follow her anywhere.
Katara goes heavy against his chest and her breathing goes even. The night is soon upon them and Appa has found a steady pace that won't jostle them around so much.
Even he is tired. Days of looking out for her, wondering how she'll keep her strength have taken a toll on his. Before closing his eyes he presses a kiss to her temple and vows to take care of her so long as she'll let him. He wants to protect her heart, keep her from falling apart. He wishes that vow could last forever.
***
When they land the next day Katara is silent. She's been all too still and silent since she's awoken. There's a resigned look to her face. Her mouth is pulled in a straight line and the line of her shoulders is not tense like it has been the last few days but rather slumped. She's braided her hair back into a bun that sits on the nape of her neck.
She looks older, wiser, more tired than he's ever seen her. But also like a leader of a Nation that's just had to make the toughest decision of her life.
He imagines her as the Princess of her Tribe. Leading her people to a new and prosperous age after the War. She'd be as fine a ruler as her brother or any man, he thinks. She's power, and she's intelligence, and her heart is in a good place.
If he should ever become Fire Lord he would do anything to help her rebuild her home, restore it to glory. He'd do anything for her.
Another, nudging train of thought imagines her as Fire Lady, clothed in red silks, a golden flame in her hair as she walks through the halls of the Palace, ordering stuffy ministers around. She helps him rebuild his Nation, becomes the voice of her people in his country, she heals his people and heals the world. She rules alongside him, powerful in her own right, a Queen of the New Era. If there was anyone better suited for the job of ushering in a new era where fire is life and not just destruction it would be a daughter of the water. A Princess of the Seas ruling along side a Prince of Flames.
But right now she's only managed a slight smile when he offered her some dried fruit, the last of their travel rations, while they were still a good half day away from their camp.
He wonders how long she'll stay silent. Does she want to go back? He means to ask but he doesn't know how.
She stays close to him as they near closer. Almost leaning into him for comfort. He wants to wrap her in his arms but the light of day makes the notion a little dangerous. He'll give her her space, but he'll always be there for her.
When they land the first one to greet them is Aang. He wants to slap a hand over the little bald monk before he can speak. If there's anything that might make Katara snap it's Aang's talk of forgiveness.
But the monk is not given the chance to talk as Katara breezes past him and into her tent. Aang tries to go after her, but Zuko stops him.
"Let her go, she's not ready to talk yet."
"But-"
"She's tired," he rasps, "she'll come out when she's ready."
The Avatar nods. Then looks at him and grips the staff of his glider tighter. "Did she ... Did she kill him?"
"She didn't."
The relief on the monk's face is instant. His features are lightened by his childish smile.
"Oh thank the Spirits! Forgiveness is always the best thing."
Zuko narrows his eyes. He doesn't think Katara forgave the man who took her mother from her, but he doesn't tell the Avatar.
"Maybe," he manages.
Aang looks at him like he has two heads. "Forgiveness is always the best thing."
Zuko only nods.
"What would you have done if she had killed him, Aang?"
The question catches the Avatar by surprise and he tenses. His eyebrows furrow. "But you just said-"
"She didn't kill him, but what would you have done if she had? It was her choice to make." He tries his best to keep his tone steady, but it comes out angrier than he intends. He doesn't regret it.
"I know that! I know that. Look, I'm just glad she didn't okay. I don't-- I don't know what I would have done. But she didn't and that's all that matters right?"
Zuko crosses his arms. "Right. Come on, let's get away from here. She needs her rest and you need to practice your firebending."
Zuko doesn't think Aang will ever understand Katara in that way but he's not about to fight. He's still tired and there's a comet to prepare for.
***
Katara emerges from her tent hours later. Her hair's loose again and the curls blow in the slight breeze around her like a curtain. The darkness under her eyes has subsided slightly and she looks healthier after sleeping. Her dress is wrinkled and she isn't walking with her usual sashay and authoritative step, but Zuko expects that.
The rest of them, however, do not seem to take that with good stride, except maybe Sokka. Sokka looks up at him, there's a sadness beyond his years in his eyes and nods his head. Suki takes a hold of her boyfriend's head and can only bit her lip in worry. Toph senses that something is wrong, but she remains silent, hands at her sides. It is Aang that he has to hold back from going to her and pestering her with questions.
"But she's not okay!" he protests as he tells him to wait.
"She will be. She just needs time."
He thinks she hears him, her head slightly turns at the sound of his voice. But the move is ever so slight he might have just thought he saw it.
"Fine. I'll give her a little bit of time."
Zuko can only sigh as he takes his seat back around the fire, sparing glances whenever he can at the waterbender.
She's sitting at the dock, her feet are swirling the water beneath them. Her posture is slumped and her shoulders are hunched over. She might be crying, and all he wants to do is join her, and hold her once again. She's been shattered all over again.
She's just older this time and is stronger than she was as a child. She's keeping it together for them. It isn't the first time he wishes things were different and they weren't fighting in this war. They're just kids who've had too grow up too soon and for all the wrong reasons.
Aang sits next to him and breaths out. "Are you sure she'll be fine?"
He nods, tries to reassure himself that Katara will be fine as he's said before.
They wait until the sun is only a silver of orange in the skyline before Aang gets entirely restless.
"Come on," he tells the airbender, "Let's go check on her now."
Aang nearly leaps to where she is, his footsteps, usually very light, nearly rattle the entire dock.
Katara straightens up but doesn't turn.
"Katara!" Aang greets her, the chirpiness in his voice a stark contrast to the somber mood that surrounds the waterbender like a cloud. "Are you okay?"
"I'm doing fine." Her voice is even, devoid of emotion. Zuko steels himself against the tone of it. She isn't fine, she's just pretending.
"Zuko told me what you did," the Avatar rubs his head, "Or ... uh, what you didn't do, I guess. I'm proud of you."
She snorts quietly, almost too quietly.
"I wanted to do it," she admits, voice still even, steady, and emotionless. "I wanted to take out all of my anger at him." There's a rise there, a speck of inflection of anger, some resentment. "But, I couldn't." Resignation.
And then, finally, sadness, "I don't know if it's because I'm too weak to do it or if it's because I'm strong enough not to."
'Strong,' he thinks, 'so strong.'
Aang's light voice cuts in, "You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing."
Zuko knows that healing is only objective. Some pains just cannot be erased. His scar seems to twitch.
"But I didn't forgive him," there's a simmering, seething condemning anger in her voice, as she turns to face them. "I'll never forgive him." She takes a deep breath and releases it. She locks eyes with him and her features soften. She walks towards him.
"But I am ready to forgive you."
There's a pause, a hesitation before she's in his arms and she's gripping on to him like a lifeline. His own grip is tight. She's heavy in his arms, fragile, shattering, but he doesn't want to let her go, not yet, not ever.
But she does eventually take a step back and looks up at him. There's a tear running down her left cheek and Zuko lifts his hand to wipe it off with his thumb.
She leans into his touch and turns her head to place a kiss on his open palm. "Thank you," she breaths placing a hand on his shoulder before walking off.
He watches her go.
He wants to help her piece herself back together. He wants to help her mend her shattered pieces. All he needs is her to let him help her. He's hers here and tomorrow, and forever.