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English
Series:
Part 3 of Keeping Score
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Published:
2019-08-01
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1,655
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1/1
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Bribery is a Man's Best Friend

Summary:

In which the beasts under the base are Yami's pack of strays. Yami's very large, very badly behaved pack of strays that only listen to Yami. Finral is at his wits' end. Thankfully, there's bribery.

Or something a bit more involved than bribery, but tell Yami that.

(Set about a year before Asta, and before the Bulls moved in with Henry.)

Notes:

This one gave me a lot of trouble, and I'm still not totally happy with it, but I needed to set up Yami's dogs for some of the future bits. Plus, there are finally some lines that could be shippy if you squint! I'll move this series out of the Gen or Pre-Slash tag eventually.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Yami had a thing about collecting strays. There was probably some deep and meaningful psychological reason behind it. He’d been on the streets when Julius had found him and given him a place and a purpose, so maybe he was giving back. Maybe it was even older than that, when the humans of Clover Kingdom shunned him but the dogs didn’t. Heck, for all Finral knew, Yami’s parents back in the Land of the Sun had run an animal shelter.

Right now Finral felt like Yami did it to drive him up walls.

When Finral had first joined the Black Bulls, there had been four members: Yami, him and two freakishly large dogs of indeterminate breed. For reasons that probably involved laughing at Cloverite attempts at pronunciation, their names were Agyou and Ungyou. Their opinion of Finral ranged between indifference and seat cushion. After Yami had ordered them not to scratch up his ride, anyway.

Every time Yami came home with a new stray at his heels, there was a roughly equal chance of them being human or canine. For now, the Black Bulls had nine human members, eight of whom lived in the house. The newest canine addition, however, brought the number of dogs up to ten. Which was too many for anyone, anywhere, much less when everybody was jammed into a dilapidated house in the middle of nowhere. Yami claimed to be looking for a new place. Finral didn't think that occasionally glancing at the newspaper ads counted as looking.

It wasn’t that Finral didn’t like dogs. Granted, Yami’s pack of mutts were nothing like noble hounds or lapdogs. Kudan had horns. Horns. Where the heck had Yami found a dog with horns? Finral was afraid to ask. Tengu had the long nose and sleek build of a hunting dog. Unfortunately, he was a worse coward than Finral and tried to hide under beds during thunderstorms. Oni could actually be identified as some sort of pug, but the too-big eyes and way-too-big teeth just made him look disturbing, at least to Finral. Vanessa thought he was cute.

Finral was starting to wonder why Yami hadn’t just named his squad the Black Dogs.

Of course, Yami didn’t see the problem. All of the dogs listened to him. Part of it was that he’d used Sunlander commands to train them, part of it was sheer personality, but they knew better than to cross the guy in charge. Never mind that Finral was the one who did the budget that kept them fed. Walking them was more of an exercise in being walked over. The less said about bathing them the better.

Well. Yami had told him to do things his own way. If Yami didn’t like it, then he could get off his ass and do something about it.

*

Finral had been raised noble. He knew the court languages of the other suit kingdoms, he could read Old Clover, and he could take a stab at most dungeon runes. It had never occurred to him that part of what made that easy was that all of those languages were related.

Sunlander wasn't. The first time Finral (a prudent several miles out of Yami's earshot) had attempted to use one of the dog commands, all he had gotten were faintly confused looks. Finral didn't blame them. The word that came out of his mouth sounded nothing like it did when Yami said it.

But Finral was patient, he was a good listener, and he had incentive. He buckled down and started paying attention.

Sharper sounds, faster rhythm. Tone up, tone down, don't slur vowels. He started to catch where Yami hid a twitch when someone screwed up the dogs' names. Or the flicker of annoyed resignation when someone said Sukiheerow instead of Sukehiro.

It occurred to Finral that learning to pronounce Sunlander was overdue for more reasons than corralling dogs. But thinking about that made him feel achy and hollow. He focused on his goals instead. If there was side benefit, all the more reason to get this done.

*

Eventually, progress was made. With the language, anyway. The dogs remained another story.

Oh, they paid attention now when he gave a command. Some of them would halfheartedly go along with it if they felt like it. But while Finral could learn Sunlander, he could not grow four inches, over a hundred pounds of muscle, and change his scent or mana. The dogs knew perfectly well who their master was, and it wasn't Finral.

Inarticulate sounds of frustration weren't productive, but they made Finral feel better.

New plan. He just needed a new plan.

*

It came to him after a particularly well-paid delivery mission. The purpose of the Magic Knights was to protect Clover Kingdom, but in peacetime they also tended to collect odd jobs. Finral's powers were unsuited to combat, but they were rare. And transporting goods from one side of the country to the other in five minutes instead of five days or weeks was worth a sizable payday.

Most of the money went to the squad treasury, easily accomplished with a quick portal. But in this case, Finral's personal percentage of the commission was still a hefty bag of money. There was a corner of his mind that called it pocket change. It sounded like Langris, and Finral ignored it. It'd been pocket change to Finral Vaude. For Finral Roulacase, it was a good day to go shopping.

The job had taken him to a market district; he'd been transporting perishable ingredients for a perfumery. Finral looked around thoughtfully. Gifts told a lady what sort of taste you had, and how well you could gauge what she might find interesting. It was important to get a variety, too. There was an art to it, it was-

A sign made Finral pause. Clover Castle Pet Emporium.

Finral looked at the bag of money. He looked back at the sign. He twitched.

Am I really considering spending this on petty revenge on Yami instead of getting a girlfriend?

He headed toward the shop. If he was going to do this, he wasn't going to think about it. That would just lead to weird places.

*

Several weeks and a few extra jobs later, however, everything paid off. Finral hadn't even intended to do it. But Tanuki, who had the dubious distinction of being the most underhanded of the pack, had grabbed his book. A rather important law book, since he needed to look up loopholes and precedent for a captain recruiting an escaped convict. Because that was his life now.

Already frustrated, Finral didn't even think about the fact that he was in the middle of the common room. Or that Yami was reading his paper and smoking less than ten feet away. Tanuki had started to sidle off, probably intending to bury the book.

With a sharp gesture towards the floor, Finral snapped, “Tanuki! Hanase!

The effect was instantaneous. Tanuki dropped the book. Yami choked on an inhale and the cigarette tumbled from his mouth. Finral picked up the book- Tanuki would just steal it again otherwise- and then looked back at Yami.

Yami was staring, his usual deadpan expression knocked open with surprise. Suddenly in a much better mood, Finral resisted the urge to do a victory dance. Instead, he leaned over and scratched Tanuki behind the ears. Smiling as innocently as he could, he said, “Yami, are you going to put that out before you catch on fire?”

Yami cursed, snuffing out the fallen cigarette out with his fingers before it could do more than scorch the thick material of his trousers. His newspaper forgotten, he looked between Finral and Tanuki. The expression on his face reminded Finral of the time they'd both been drunk enough that Finral had actually tried to explain dimensional geometry.

Apparently not finding any answers in front of him, Yami demanded, “Oi, what the hell did you do to my dog?” Finral decided it would be easier to show him.

With a flick of his fingers, he opened a small portal. On cue, Tanuki's tail started to wag. Finral reached in and pulled out a small brown biscuit. Tanuki yipped, and Finral tossed it to him, closing the portal with another gesture. Yami watched Tanuki snap it up and swallow, tongue flicking around his teeth to catch the last of the taste.

“You bribed them with dog treats?” he said finally. Finral huffed. Really?

“I learned the commands, got their attention with the dog treats, then used them for positive reinforcement for weeks before they actually listened. At all. This was a multi-step process, don't just boil it down to-”

Yami smirked. “You bribed them.” The unexpected warmth in his voice caught Finral off guard. He blinked, and took a closer look at Yami. Despite the smirk, there was something- Finral's mind balked at putting the word 'gentle' anywhere near Yami- something slightly-less-harsh about his gaze. The moment stretched.

...how long has it been since Yami heard someone else speak Sunlander? He barely visits Suntown these days...

Suddenly flustered for no reason he could name, Finral looked away. Even knowing he was being baited, he picked up the argument again.

“It was not bribery! Do you know how much work-”

*

A week later, the prison exemption for service and rehabilitation finally came through. Gauche moved in with nothing to his name but two changes of clothes and a frightening number of pictures of his sister. When he eyed the dogs warily, Yami laughed.

“Don't mind our mutts. If you have a problem with them, get Finral to sort it out.”

Finral did the rest of the introductions on autopilot, the words replaying in his head. It probably didn't mean anything. It definitely didn't mean anything. Finral didn't know what it would mean even if it did mean something.

It was still the first time Yami had said 'our' anything.

Notes:

In case anyone was curious, the names of the dogs:

Agyou and Ungyou: the open-mouthed and close-mouthed statue guards in front of Buddhist temples
Kudan: a human-faced cow said to be born to deliver bad omens
Tengu: a long-nosed, winged mountain man
Oni: a generic ogre
Tanuki: a trickster racoon dog

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