Someone to love

Thomas was sitting on the beach, next to the memory rock. They’d started calling it that after months of grieving and crying and not being able to talk about it, really. Now they used it for just that: remembering. Thomas wasn’t stricken with grief anymore when he came close to the rock. He liked it, even.

It had been years. Years since he’d lost the two most important people in his life in a matter of hours. Years since WICKED had fallen. Years since they had come to this island to start a new, better life.

And they had.

Thomas was happy. For the first time in his life he felt content and at peace with the past. He worried just as much as the next guy about every-day things, but it felt normal, not life-threatening.

Thomas looked at the rock, at Teresa’s name. She’d been so troubled in her life after coming out of the elevator at the Glade. But sometimes, when he was calm and still, tiny snippets of memory retuned to him, and he could see the happy, strong and fierce girl that she had been before. She’d been his best friends for so many years, and WICKED had taken all of that away from them. He smiled ruefully at her name at the top of the rock. Its letters were faint, because wind and floods had eroded the top layers of the soft limestone over time. In a way it was poetic – time worked away on the names that the inhabitants of the island never wanted to forget. Time healed them in a similar way: the sharp edges of agony and grief had faded away, a little bit more after each passing day.

Thomas closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Being happy didn’t mean that he couldn’t feel the pain though. He still missed all of them, there were still holes in his heart that nothing would ever fill. But the edges of those holes became smoother over time, they had scarred over. And after years it was more of a dull ache than the breathtaking, panic-inducing, screaming pain that he’d experienced right after Newt and Teresa’s deaths. Sometimes he’d wonder a little about the what ifs, but more likely he would sit on the beach and think about them fondly. How much he had loved them and how glad he was to have known them.

It wasn’t easy to live without them, but it was possible.

*

One of the reasons for that was Kira. Thomas doubted he’d have coped this quickly if it hadn’t been for the sweet and trusty toddler who just needed someone to take care of her. She’d shaken him out of his darkest thoughts in his worst moments, simply by being there.

At first, he looked after her out of necessity. Frypan, who’d looked after her sometimes, had been sick and she needed someone as she was only one year old at the time. It had felt nice, to be needed by someone. But after a while, after Fry got better and Kira still slept on Thomas’s mat most nights, he had accepted that she’d probably stay for a while. Fry had been grateful and a little jealous in the beginning, but he had soon realized that parenthood wasn’t his thing yet and that he’d much rather babysit Kira now and again. They’d never found her parents, someone had just found her and taken her here. But nobody really felt responsible for the toddler, so Thomas taking her in solved that problem. It took away some of the strain looking after her had put on their little community. They had many orphans and a lot more mouths to feed. The kids and the adults alike needed stable relationships, which Thomas could provide, mostly.

Thomas wouldn’t say that Kira saved him. That would be way too co-dependent. She’d shown him hope though, and in her and his friends he found a reason to live and – more importantly – be alive again. As soon as he’d let her in, let himself be vulnerable to loss again, he had experienced joy as well. He had been frightened to lose her or Minho, Gally, or Brenda. But he was just as afraid of being alone for the rest of his life.

So he chose the path Newt had wanted for him. He’d chosen life.

*

Thomas worked a lot. When fruit picking, he usually took Kira with him. He worked and played with his kid, and sometimes he sat at the bonfire at night and talked to his friends. Life was okay, for a while.

When he held Kira after innocent kid-nightmares, he stroked her dark hair and kissed her forehead and thought that his life would be like this forever.

When Kira said “Tommy” for the first time, he choked on his words and looked at her in astonishment. Nobody called him that here, they all knew better. But she wouldn’t stop, and eventually Thomas just let her. She started calling him Daddy a few years later, but that was a conscious decision on her part, unlike her first word.

When Kira climbed her first tree, he was so happy and proud that he actually felt like a dad for the first time. He really enjoyed every aspect of her quirky personality, he loved how smart she was and was excited to see who she would be in years to come. As soon as he realized that he was in fact a father to someone now, he turned around, expecting to see someone there. Expecting to share his joy and excitement with someone. But no one was around. No Newt, who would have adored Kira. No Teresa, who he wasn’t even sure would have liked to have kids. At least not after they took away everything she was and sent her to the glade. And no Brenda, who was probably working on the other side of the island, happy and engaged to a wonderful man she had met here. There had never been anyone else in his life. Not like that.

So that was that. Thomas expected to raise Kira on his own.

*

When Gally kissed him, he didn’t expect it at all. He’d made peace with his past, his losses and the fact that he’d be a single parent forever. He didn’t need anyone and quite frankly he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready to be intimate with anybody.

So when Gally, who Thomas had been fairly sure was with Minho, kissed him, he didn’t move. He didn’t do anything, didn’t kiss back, didn’t push him away.

It was a short kiss, born mostly out of desperation than anything else. They had been sitting in front of Thomas’s little wooden hut, Kira sleeping peacefully inside. Minho and Gally had wanted to talk to him for days now, and they’d finally found the time.

Thomas had just been talking about how stressful it was to juggle working and watching Kira, when Gally had leaned forward into his personal space. Minho, sitting right next to Thomas on the other side, had just muttered a “Oh my…” and then it had happened. Gally’s lips were soft, but his expression was fierce.

“Thomas. Do you get anything that we’re telling you here? We’re here for you. We’re your friends. You don’t have to do this on your own, get this in your head!” Gally looked furious, especially because they’d had this conversation dozens of time.

“Eh.” Thomas replied ineloquently. “What… what was that? Why…?” He looked at Gally dumbstruck. Then his eyes darted to Minho. “What? How? Why did you do that?”

Gally seemed a little self-conscious now. “Eh. Sorry?”

Shaking his head slowly, Thomas regained his composure. “Aren’t you two… you know… a thing?”

Minho chuckled and Gally sighed exasperated. “A thing?”, he mimicked.

Thomas turned red. “You know what I mean. A couple.” He wasn’t sure because he didn’t ask. Romance wasn’t anything of interest for him. Or maybe it was, but he just didn’t want to be reminded of his own loneliness and missed chances with love. The others mostly respected that. Minho had told him a while back that he had a crush on Gally, and Thomas had just expected them to be together now.

Minho put his hand on Thomas’s shoulder gently, and Thomas sank into that touch immediately. Minho had always been able to make him feel safe and comfortable.

“Calm down, Thomas. We’re a couple all right. But what Gally said… we’re serious. You don’t have to do this alone.” Minho’s thumb caressed his skin lightly. “It doesn’t have to be… you know, weird.” He gestured between him, Gally, and himself.

“Although it could be”, Gally piped up, grinning and lifting one eyebrow as he eyed the two of them.

Minho rolled his eyes and shoved Gally playfully. “Shut up, you’re scaring him.” He turned back to Thomas. “As I was saying. Since…”, he paused, unsure. Then, shrugging, he continued. “Adopting Kira, you’ve withdrawn from us. We’re still here, we can help. It’s not like you can only have one: Kira or us. You don’t have to choose; you can have us all.” Minho grinned sheepishly. “We miss you. Brenda and Aris and Harriet miss you. I know, I know”, he added as Thomas began to protest. “You see them, and you talk to them, and you talk to us too. But it’s not… You don’t have anybody close to you, which is fine of course!” Minho pulled his hand back to rub his face, and Thomas immediately missed his warmth. “I just… We just think that you miss it. Having someone close. A good friend, or maybe even more. A partner.” He shrugged again.

“Or two, you know.” Gally grinned as Minho just sighed. Gally shrugged. “I’m just saying, it’s not like those old tales of job-wife-house-kids still apply. Maybe they never did.”

Minho nodded and smiled softly at Gally. “True.”

Thomas’s head spun. He was confused to say the least, but there was also a… soft feeling inside of him. As if something small and tender had been woken up by Minho’s words, by Minho's touch, by Gally's kiss.

“And you mean… yourselves?” He asked, voice small and unsure.

Minho nodded and then shrugged. “Could be. If you wanted.”

“We know this is a very weird way to get into your pants, but…” Gally lost his grin and touched his knee slightly. He looked shy and a little bit unsure now. “It doesn’t have to be us. We love you either way and are there for you. We just… worry about you, you know?”

Thomas looked at him startled, but also touched. He’d never allowed himself to think about something like that. Not after Newt, not after he’d had Kira.
His head was dizzy with the possibilities. What their offer could mean. But more importantly, he was deeply moved by them caring so much.
“I… thank you, guys. I’ve got to… think about this. But I appreciate it. And I…” He swallowed. “I love you too.”

Gally grinned brightly and Minho let himself relax too, a small smile dancing around his lips. “You do that. Goodnight, T.” He got up and pulled Gally up after him.

“Night, guys.” Thomas mumbled and looked after their withdrawing figures.

That had been… interesting. But not in a bad way. He felt refreshed and awake. And for the first time in a long while he had something to look forward to that was not kid-related. It felt exciting. Minho and Gally had been his rocks and his haven those past years. Now he could see a future where they could be so much more.

Maybe he wasn't meant to raise Kira alone. Maybe he could really have it all: The memory of Teresa and Newt. Raising Kira and being a good dad. And finding that kind of love again.

He stayed there for a whole while longer, but eventually he went to bed. His dreams were full of old fears and new hopes, but most of all they were bright with the people he loved.