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It starts with a soothing voice. A soft call. A breath.
“Yunlan?”
Zhao Yunlan pry his eyes open. He thinks he’s still dreaming, with the way his eyes are still blurry probably from falling face-first to the bed the moment he arrived last night. The Special Investigations Department (SID) has been swarmed by an overwhelming amount of cases lately, no thanks to the Ministry of the Public Security of the People’s Republic of China bombarding them with calls every chance they get. Zhao Yunlan considers just quitting his job; and be a full-time playboy to leech money off someone – or ten (When he mentioned this one time, his cat had looked at him in an unsurprised manner).
So back at it, he must be dreaming, because there’s no way he magically slept and opened his eyes to a stranger who seems unreal in so many levels. Definitely unreal. Because same stranger feels like he came straight out of an oil painting worth an amount that will absolutely get him investigated for corruption, if he ever bought it. The stranger looks at him with a tender gaze, filled with devotion which seems misplaced for the sole reason that it’s directed at him. So yes, he must be dreaming.
Or, an alternate explanation is he must be dead. And this guy is an angel.
The stranger finds Zhao Yunlan staring back at him, and immediately casted his gaze away. So, stranger’s a shy angel. Zhao Yunlan finds himself lying on the ground with shy angel looming over him. Upon seeing he’s alright, the man shies away, panicking for an unknown reason.
“If this is what I’m supposed to see after death, then I don’t want to go to my next life.” Zhao Yunlan grins.
Shy Angel pushes his glasses up in embarrassment, and replies, “You shouldn’t joke about these things.”
Without any more response to offer, Zhao Yunlan sits upright and quietly observes the man. The man is wearing formal coat and tight slacks (He’s definitely not thinking of the probably mouth-watering legs that the slacks shape…well okay, he’s thinking about it maybe just a little bit. Fuck it, it’s absolutely what he’s staring at). At first look, especially in the same calibre as the SID Chief, one can easily identify the man as a professor in a high-end university. So maybe not an angel. And maybe the overload of works didn’t kill him.
Turning his stare away from the man’s legs (only because the ass can’t be seen when the alleged half-shy angel half-professor is sitting as well), he observes their surroundings. He noticed the field of peach woods around him. There’s also a stream of water, clear and calm and flowing ever so slowly just beside a giant boulder. Zhao Yunlan feels a sense of familiarity that he can’t quite seem to place.
Curious, he asks: “Hey are you an angel or a professor?”
“What?”
Zhao Yunlan tries again. “Am I dead?”
“What?”
Zhao Yunlan offers a beam. “I think I get it. You’re here because you’re the man of my dreams.”
“…”
The man sighs and reaches out to him, however, stopped midway – as if attempting to restrain himself. This doesn’t go unnoticed of course, especially with Zhao Yunlan’s quick eyes, which made him more suspicious. However, he didn’t bother to mention it.
“You called my name earlier.” Zhao Yunlan starts.
“Hm?”
“My name. How did you know my name? Am I dead? No, I’m dreaming, aren’t I? Are you real? Are you my soulmate? What kind of ring would you like?” There’s the flirting tone at the end, but the man pretends not to mind it.
“You’re not dead. Don’t think about anything else. You’ll wake up to consciousness again soon.” The man basically ignores all his other questions, but Zhao Yunlan decides to let this go.
“But if I wake up, I won’t see you beside me on my bed.” He pouts.
“Quit this nonsense and rest.”
“I was resting until who knows who brought me to this wholeass place.” He continues, “Not regretting it though.”
He’s basically wriggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, truly something very Zhao Yunlan, which causes the other man to sigh. Eventually, the man begins to explain. “I’m a Dream Guide. In other words, I meet different souls every night to keep them company. I’m neither a professor nor an angel.”
Zhao Yunlan doesn’t buy this though, but pretends he does. He’s used to people lying to him anyway. “So, what’s your name?” He queries.
The Dream Guide pauses, “I don’t have a name.”
‘Well that’s boring. Too bad I cannot offer you anything except my last name.”
“Do you ever stop with these things?”
“Do you want me to?”
The faint red on his ears just encourages Zhao Yunlan more. “Now that we’ve established you don’t, have you considered quitting your dream guide job and running away with someone like—I don’t know, me?”
The man decides to ignore him. He turns away from Zhao Yunlan, to the huge boulder beside them instead. His gaze is sombre, with a tinge of longing and restraint. There seems to be a million memories in his eyes. Zhao Yunlan, even with his flirting right off the bat, doesn’t fail to notice these signs from the Dream Guide the moment he woke up. His voice when he called his name was soft—yet listening closer enabled him to hear the slight shock lingering on the sound. As if…he was trying to clarify whether the lying man was really Zhao Yunlan himself.
Perhaps, they have met before?
In a dream…just like this?
But being a police officer, there’s no way he would have forgotten a face he has ever met even in a brief second. More so, when the face refers to someone as beautiful as the man in front of him. Unless, they really have met in a dream before that he forgot the moment he woke up. At least, that would explain the surprise in the man’s voice.
(He says dream, but deep inside he wonders what if he met the man in a wet dream. That can be the reason why he’s shy and embarrassed around him. Zhao Yunlan lets himself smirk.)
Zhao Yunlan was about to tease him more and perhaps try to snoop out the truth, however, an unbearable pain attacks his head. He lets out a grunt, which took the attention of the Dream Guide. The man, from his previous trance, inches closer to Zhao Yunlan and reaches out to touch his head. He’s…massaging it, and the SID Chief feels relaxed at an instance. The stressing amount of overtimes might have gotten to his head, enough for this headache.
He remembers to take advantage of the situation though, and casually leans sideways to him.
The man doesn’t seem surprised at his action.
“If you start doing things like this, I might fall in love with you.”
The Dream Guide momentarily freezes, but proceeds as if nothing happened. He also didn’t give any indication that he heard his statement. However, the pause was enough for Zhao Yunlan. He smiles teasingly, until it melts to a genuine one. He thinks of how cold the man’s body was, but his fingers seem warm against his skin.
Zhao Yunlan breathes, and thinks how nice it feels.
The next moments passed by like a blur.
And then, pitch black.
In this life, Zhao Yunlan is a police officer. He doesn’t really remember why exactly he pursued this job, except for he used to watch a lot of action movies when he was a child. And really, it’s not like there are any jobs he visualizes to fit him. He has too much of a bad temper to be a teacher. Being a doctor is also out of the question, as he can’t even take care of himself. Not even a lawyer. Although he’s pretty good in bullshitting his ways out, he doesn’t like the idea of lying to protect criminals.
So, a police officer it is. In his defence, it’s still so much better than being a gangster, as what his teachers assumed he will be – enough for them to create a whole betting pool about it; but that’s beside the point.
Anyway, being a police officer is still stressful; especially when society has too many criminals that can’t even fit the prisons. Zhao Yunlan isn’t a normal police officer though, as people in his calibre are from the Special Investigation Department. Above a level from the ordinary police force, this unit was built to deal with cases that require complex investigations and higher IQ. Once the cases turn too much for the lower levels to handle, that’s when the SID comes in.
(Un)surprisingly, Zhao Yunlan is their chief.
Most of the time, when the season is perfect and they can be lax, he wishes for a more thrilling job. Not that being a police isn’t thrilling – but something like a police and fighting supernatural villains and ghosts. Hah! He can go defeat the bad guys and save damsels in distress, but with more credit now, because ghosts! With powers!
Unfortunately, nothing ever bizarre happens to him, except owning a fat black cat, who apparently can talk. He named the Fat Fuq as Da Qing. The cat is somehow a part of SID now, and has no traits other than eating. And well, insulting him (To be fair, Zhao Yunlan also has his share of insulting Da Qing back any chance he gets). He doesn’t question how he can talk, Da Qing isn’t willing to answer anyway. Aside from slipping one time and calling him Guardian, the cat doesn’t let out anything else. (One time, he did ask what a Guardian does and why he called him that. He got nothing in response).
So.
As far as bizarre happenings go, there’s nothing but that Fat Fuq. And oh, the Dream Guide. Zhao Yunlan hasn’t seen the man in his dreams for a month already. Silently, he wonders whether that was the last time he will, and scoffs. He doesn’t like the sound of it one bit.
Even so, there’s not a night where he doesn’t go excitedly to slumber – in hopes of meeting the other man again. To no avail, though.
He thinks of the comfort within the man’s fingers on his head, rubbing circles to soothe the pain. He feels he’s going insane, because he’s addicted to the ease and solace that the Dream Guide was able to make him feel in the few moments they were together. There’s something about the way the man looks at him, filled with devotion and restraint, of longing and contentment, of equal amounts of sorrow and hope.
It’s…nice. It’s something he’s never felt before.
Even in that small exchange of words and warmth, Zhao Yunlan felt an unexplainable surge of softness in his lungs. He wants to reach to that man, and hold him out of his sorrow. When he first saw that person looming over him and heard him call his name, he immediately knew he’s his type. But past that initial attraction, he feels familiarity, a comforting familiarity. Something that reminds him of home.
Zhao Yunlan tries to remember where he felt that same comfort before. But fails. He’s never had someone like that in the past. Sure, he’s had more relationships than subjects he passed during his delinquent years in high school, but most of them are born out of curiosity and the need for companion he can brag. The only thing he could think of, that’s far from reasonable by the way, is they’ve somehow been together in their past life. He thinks, the amount of those restrained emotions are just something that can transcend lives, right? Then that must mean they’re soulmates? Zhao Yunlan grins, soulmates had a nice ring to it.
And well, he really has to stop listening to superstitions.
But other than those theories, nothing seems to make sense. To be fair, there’s nothing from the way the Dream Guide looks at Zhao Yunlan − as if that isn’t their first meeting, as if his stare hides a thousand words beneath and a thousand layers more − makes sense. As if under those dimmed eyes are circles of life and hope that he tries hard to conceal. It…it doesn’t make sense.
Zhao Yunlan sighs. He really hopes to see the man soon, because there’s no way he can survive any more thoughts of hopes in meeting the person moments before he falls asleep; only to wake up to disappointment every single day. He remembers the first and last time they met in the dream, where he told him he’ll come meet him again; because he’s lonely in his sleep and in need of the man’s company. The Dream Guide continues to rub circles on his head, telling him not to be ridiculous − and that meeting again is a slim chance. He only smirks and tells the man to promise to meet him again. For him to try his best at grabbing any slim chance he’ll see.
Then, that was the last thing he said before everything blacks out. God, he really need to see him again.
And well, let’s just say, if he doesn’t reunite with him soon, Zhao Yunlan might lose him mind.
Ah, he’s fucked.
“Dream Guide-bro!”
The man is startled, before he nods his head in acknowledgment. “You’re here again.”
Zhao Yunlan travels his eyes around him. Different to the first setting, they’re in some sort of mountain. This time though, it’s no longer cold. There’s also no stream of water or boulder around. Instead, there’s a plum blossom tree displayed beautifully just beside a small hut. He feels an imaginary pain.
However, he shifts his attention away almost quickly. “Yeah, what took you so long? Didn’t you promise to meet again?”
The Dream Guide lowers his head in guilt. Fortunately, Zhao Yunlan doesn’t pursue this topic. He knows there are still things that his soulmate is not willing to tell him. And he’s a patient man. A long time planner. He won’t pressure the other man into spilling his truth to him. (“You? Patient?” He can almost hear Da Qing’s voice. “The hypocrisy of homosapiens really is on another level.”) He doesn’t know where he gets his confidence, but he knows there will be more moments in the future for the Dream Guide to settle and open up to him – or maybe get a kiss or two while they’re at it.
So instead, Zhao Yunlan smiles (And fuck, that smile, the Dream Guide almost melts in his spot, and it’s like the very first time again in the umbra of peach woods). He walks closer to the man and wraps his arms around his figure.
Leaning closer, he stands on his tiptoes. The SID Chief positions his mouth just beside the other’s flushed ears. With a puff of warm breath, he whispers, “I missed you.”
The moments after was a blur to the Dream Guide. He doesn’t really remember anything anymore, except Zhao Yunlan was there and teasing him and making him feel things that he swore will be the last time (but who is he exactly lying to, other than himself?). Zhao Yunlan is there and breathing next to him and telling him all sorts of stories because “You might be bored here, Dream Guide-bro!”. Zhao Yunlan is there and his hands have particularly become touchy, but not unwelcomed.
Zhao Yunlan is…
The moments after, though, when he finally got his senses back, they’re already playing chess under the plum blossom tree. Zhao Yunlan smirks, staring intently into his soulmate’s eyes. So far, he can conclude that his flirting advances are working into his favor. Dream Guide-bro is really transparent. Once Zhao Yunlan decides to tease him with something as small as bumping hands with him, his reaction is too immediate and funny. Zhao Yunlan finds himself falling more and more.
They continue to play even as the petals of the plum blossom looming over them scatters with the wind. There’s no sense of time in a dream. Zhao Yunlan fears that he will have to wake up soon. But honestly, he wouldn’t mind not waking up for such a long time, if it means more moments to share with the Dream Guide. The onslaught of cases have slowed down within the past days, his SID is competent enough to deal with them. Not to mention, Chu Shuzhi have returned from whatever he’s busy with.
And even if it doesn’t work out, he can just cut Lin Jing’s pay.
And oh, Da Qing can feed himself anyway.
Zhao Yunlan shifts his attention back to the man, and sees him with a small smile. Feeling strange warmth in his chest, he forces himself to look back at the board. However, he finds his king captured.
“…”
Moments later, the chess pieces were on the floor.
“Liking an imaginary guy from your dreams? I must say, this is a whole different level of desperation to get laid, Chief Zhao!”
Zhao Yunlan glares at Lin Jing, who immediately came back to his senses once he dropped those words. He hides behind Chu Shuzhi for his own safety. The SID Chief wipes his face with his hand aggressively. He doesn’t even know how long had Lin Jing been standing there. He was too engrossed on telling Chu Shuzhi all about his dreams; and more specifically, his soulmate – because he needs another sound brain to listen to his ramblings. Unfortunately, that fake monk decides it’s the right time to walk into their conversation.
“Amitabha.”
“Yeah, amitabha your fucking way into looking for a part time job because you’re not receiving any pay next week.” He threatens.
Zhao Yunlan’s above pissed, because of all the people he doesn’t want to hear about this, Lin Jing ranks second. It’s not even about shame, because there’s no way the SID chief even knows things like shame—but more of the fact that he’s Lin Jing, and he has no other activities except gossiping and pretending to be a monk. Once his people catches even a snip of his dreams gossip, no doubt, they’re going to use it as an excuse to tease him during office hours. And while Zhao Yunlan is irresponsible in his own way, he wants to at least pretend like he’s a responsible leader.
“Chief…I really have no words for you.”
And speaking of the first.
Zhu Hong enters the room with Guo Changcheng and Da Qing. She ranks first solely because Zhao Yunlan is certain she’ll turn his story into some kind of fanfiction idea to post on Weibo. Zhu Hong has her hands on her waist, judging him with her eyebrows raised. Meanwhile, Da Qing seized the moment to lie comfortably on his lap.
“I’m paying you guys to work, not to snoop on me! How long have you even been here?”
“We’re intrigued.”
Confused, he asks. “…what?”
“Chief, these past few days, you do nothing but sleep on that couch.”
“What’s wrong with resting?”
Zhu Hong rolls her eyes, “Normally, you’d be out to sleep with another person. Not here, and definitely not alone.”
The SID Chief scoffs. Day by day, his peers never disappoint him in finding more and more creative ways to use him as an excuse not to work. Sometimes, he considers just firing all of them for him to have days of peace. However, he trashes this idea once he realized no one else will be able to tolerate him as a boss.
Not wanting to talk to them anymore, he raises his arms to cover his eyes.
The team isn’t discouraged a bit. And proceeds. “Let’s go back to topic, shall we? So our Chief met a guy in his dreams, who claims to be a dream guide—twice already. And he definitely likes him. What do you guys think?” Lin Jing starts. He has already left his hiding place behind Chu Shuzhi.
Zhu Hong, “Pitiful.”
Chu Shuzhi, “Weird.”
Da Qing, “Disappointed but not surprised.”
Guo Changcheng, “C-congrats?”
Taking off his arms from his face, Zhao Yunlan glares at his team. They’re definitely anything but helping.
“You guys should’ve seen him, and let’s see if you still think like that. He’s beautiful.” He says, but decides to take something back, “Nevermind, I don’t want you filthy people to see him.”
“Chief Zhao, I assure you, there are other good-looking people besides the man in your dreams.”
“You don’t understand, his beauty is out of this world!”
Zhu Hong turns to Lin Jing, with a very disappointed look. “He’s lost it.”
Lin Jing, with a solemn look in his face, “Amitabha.”
The SID Chief, fortunately, finds a book beside him. He hurls the object towards the two. Lin Jing immediately turns to a defensive stunt. “Chief, it’s a dream. You could just have been making it up!”
“I’m sure it’s not made up by my subconscious mind.”
Unable to take Zhao Yunlan’s usual annoying ramblings, Da Qing butts in. “From what you’re saying, he sounds like your stupid dream person or something.” The cat points his paws at his owner. “Your mind must have made him up to—wait for it!—cover the truth that you’re alone and won’t be able to settle down.”
Zhao Yunlan slaps its ass away. Before he could shout with a Get out of here though, Guo Changcheng finds the courage to speak. Standing in the far corner with his head down, he says, “My grandmother used to say that if you see someone in your dreams, your souls must have been meeting with each other. Maybe…it’s like that?”
From previously sitting lazily on the couch, Zhao Yunlan springs up almost immediately. “That’s it!”
“That’s it?” Zhu Hong queries.
“I’ve never believed his Dream Guide bullshit anyway. I must’ve been meeting his soul in my dream by coincidence.”
The team goes silent. This time, they’re pretty certain their chief has turned mad. There really was no way he’ll stoop so low as to pursue someone in his literal dreams. But well, on another hand, Zhao Yunlan really goes so low that anyone beautiful rings his bell. They quietly look at each other, and reach the conclusion that their Chief absolutely must meet someone real and breathing soon.
Not giving his team any more attention, Zhao Yunlan thinks of the first time he met the man. At that time, he was confused. A part of him thinks that his mind had made up someone after taking pity of his six-month relationship break. A larger one though, believes that the man is real. Although his soulmate had claimed to be a Dream Guide of some sort, he never felt an inkling of truth in those words. There was just no way he can make him believe his bullshit. Guo Changcheng’s bullshit though, makes sense – and definitely works in his favor.
Zhao Yunlan stops, his mother – the empress – will definitely whack his head once she finds out she raised a son who believes this kind of superstition.
But if there’s a talking cat, why can’t souls meet in dreams?
Therefore, Zhao Yunlan lets himself believes. He’s positive he’ll see his soulmate soon. And by then, he’ll just ignore all other sane ideas. No matter how ridiculous the situation is, he cannot seem to bring himself to stop this nonsense.
Zhao Yunlan is really fucked, in more ways than one.
His words came true, and for the next months, they have continued to meet each other almost twice a week in random days. Zhao Yunlan has been so excited he kept sleeping every single chance he gets under the pretence that he’s tired. Although, he doesn’t know when exactly will the man appear on his dreams again, he can’t stop but look forward to every single day.
Zhao Yunlan has also tried to make him slip the truth but to no avail. He knows he’s the hardest person to lie to, so often times, the other man will just outright turn his attention to other things. He probably knows the Dream Guide bullshit has never worked on him. Zhao Yunlan, though, doesn’t want to pressure him and decides there will always be next time anyway. Surely, they will always meet.
So, they just continued as usual.
Every time, they meet on different settings. Sometimes, on mountains. Other times, on more modern places. They meet on winter, spring, summer and autumn. They spend their time with Zhao Yunlan talking about his job and some experiences he’s had in the past. He talks about the entire SID team, more accurately, complains, and the man just sits beside him to listen.
He also tells him a lot of stories; like his childhood. Even the most trivial matters slip out of his mouth. But even so, the man listens to him as if he treasures every single word he says. He pays attention to every detail, and holds them in his heart. His eyes shine, as Zhao Yunlan tells him very random things and facts about himself.
Even in the cold of winter in some days they meet, his entire being glows warm. As he lies next to the man on a single mat – the man was hesitant at first, but a little coaxing did the trick – he feels like there’s no other place better than this. Sometimes, they would brush hands or shoulders (An accident, in the man’s opinion, on purpose, in Zhao Yunlan’s words.) They fight and jokingly wrestle on the mat like kids. When Zhao Yunlan lies down again, the other man will shrug out of his coat to blanket it on top of him. He feels loved, comforted and safe.
Zhao Yunlan, age 30, falls in love.
Madly. Deeply.
How it starts is a whole laughing matter and definitely Weibo-material. When Zhao Yunlan first saw him, he thought, he certainly fits his taste. Being with the man, he felt some sense of belonging and security. However, the situation was definitely ridiculous. If anyone told him he’ll fall in love with some random dude he met on a dream, and is obviously lying to him about some things, Zhao Yunlan would absolutely deliver them to a painful beating.
However.
Ever since then, the man had never left his mind. He plagued his thoughts every single day. At night, he sleeps early in hopes of seeing him again. They met soon after, and a lot of times after that. The man never fails to take care of him, reprimands him for his unhealthy actives, and listen to his stories—even in a world that’s basically made up. Not so long after, Zhao Yunlan sees home in the man.
On their 51st meeting though, they find themselves on the place they first met.
As usual, Zhao Yunlan talks about his days. About Da Qing’s eating habits. About Lin Jing’s annoying gossips. About Zhu Hong writing something on her laptop that she thought his chief didn’t see. About Chu Shuzhi and Guo Changcheng going to an amusement park for a case, and the former almost getting jailed because the parents of kids accused him of scaring their children. About literally anything. Every now and then, the man laughs, and it’s the warmest thing he’s ever heard. After the tiring days, the man’s voice is a lull to his tired soul.
And that was the perfect moment.
Who leans to who doesn’t matter. Because before anything registers, their lips are already on each other’s. The man momentarily froze, but Zhao Yunlan immediately places his hand at the back of his neck. As someone with professional experience, he prides himself with his skills. Slowly, he nips at his lower lip, then pries his lips open to shove his tongue in gently.
The kiss is hot and mostly dominated by Zhao Yunlan, but once the other man has finally recovered and realized that: this is happening…with him, (To him. That Zhao Yunlan is here, and they’re kissing and he feels and he longs and hurts and so many feelings that he feels like every century is worth nothing compared to this moment.) he finally grabs hold of his chin to deepen their kiss. Zhao Yunlan doesn’t know if he’s imagining it, but he feels the repressed emotion for centuries that he can’t describe.
And then…all logic be damned.
Zhao Yunlan thinks, who cares how fucked up they get?
That was the last time they saw each other.
He lies on the couch of his office, silently staring at the ceiling. The past month has been slow for their team, and frankly, he feels so lazy that he wants nothing to do but die at this very couch. While he’s glad that criminals who are apparently smart enough for their crimes to be transferred to their unit has gradually lessened, these non-thrilling days have done nothing but leave him to self-wallow in his own boredom.
Zhao Yunlan, age 33.
It’s been three years since he fell in love.
“Chief, we have another case. Wake up!”
Lin Jing’s voice echoes through his office, and he has the sudden urge to hit him with anything. He’s not even asleep, because he’s already had plenty of it. In Da Qing’s words, he could even die of overslumber even before he can get diagnosed with lung cancer. Zhao Yunlan just rolled his eyes, and told him to go the fuck away.
Before he can muster the strength to hurl the whole couch to Lin Jing though, he sits upright to take the files from his hands. Feeling extremely lazy, as usual, he browsed through the papers and decides to hand it back to the fake monk. “Tell Chu to handle this one.”
Lin Jing, instead of obeying outright, asks, “Chief, are you still hung up on your dream man?”
“Did I ask for your opinion?”
Lin Jing winces, but then thinks of a better idea. He fishes his phone out of his pocket to open the video app. Almost instantly, he appears beside the chief to film. “Hi guys! This is Lin Jing. As you see, my chief here is trying to chase his dream man who ghosted him three years ago! So if you look extremely beautiful, kindly com—hey!“
A phone hits the wall mercilessly.
Zhao Yunlan is close to throwing him out of the building, but that requires too much energy. So, he settles with glaring at him until his killing intent finally goes past Lin Jing’s thick skull. Lin Jing pulls out a half guilty and half teasing smile, before scurrying off to pass his order.
It’s been three years.
At the first week, Zhao Yunlan didn’t worry much. After all, he was quite confident that they will meet soon anyway. And it’s not like he’s in a hurry. Not to mention, their first kiss could’ve left the other man sleepless for days, that he couldn’t have appeared no matter how excited Zhao Yunlan is to meet him again soon. He has nothing to worry about anyway, the kiss have made everything clear between them.
And then more weeks. Months. Three years. A thousand days.
Zhao Yunlan feels extremely annoyed. Then worried. He doesn’t know what he did for the man to stop meeting him. He’s not even sure if the other man could control how to meet him. Or fate decides to take back the luck it lent him. Other things could have happened too, and he would always prefer them…rather than the alternate explanation.
He’s pissed and mad and annoyed and he can’t wait to meet the man again no matter how long it takes just to give him a piece of his mind. He’s tried describing the man before to some of the resident officer so they could sketch him, and eventually find him – but he realized things such as beautiful eyes, long eyelashes, looks like he came from an oil painting, has soft lips, weren’t really of any help.
Zhao Yunlan sighs.
Da Qing is by the door, looking at him tiredly with its cat eyes. Zhao Yunlan raises his eyebrow, opting for the cat to say something. Crawling to his lap, Da Qing puts his paws on his chest. “Still no dream guy?”
The SID Chief tries to sweep the cat away, but it has its paws placed tightly through his shirt. With no other choice, he replied half-heartedly: “He’ll appear tomorrow.”
“That’s what you always say.”
“And?”
“You haven’t been seeing anyone in more than three years! You don’t even go out to play with anyone anymore either.”
“I’m faithful to my soulmate.”
“What soulmate you lonely, single man?”
A few seconds later, Da Qing goes silent. Realizing there’s no convincing his stupid chief anymore, he turns away. Everyone is secretly worried for Zhao Yunlan (three parts because his change of attitude is concerning and seven parts because they can’t leave early anymore due to their chief’s abrupt stop on playing around outside during office hours.) and Da Qing can’t help but sigh in pity and annoyance for his chief’s uncharacteristic martyrdom.
“Hey, I ran out of food. Get me from the supermarket.”
“Fat Fuq, tell that to someone else.”
Da Qing growls. “Who’s the master here? I’m telling you to do it!”
Maybe it’s Da Qing’s concern leaking over his voice, or maybe it’s Zhao Yunlan feeling a little bit kind today, that he rises up to oblige. Teasingly, he shoves the cat away from its place. Without another word, he goes down to leave their building.
On the corner of the avenue, a shadow hides.
No one notices the man in his hiding. As always. Professor Shen Wei carefully conceals his figure, trying hard not to be seen. He silently gazes at Zhao Yunlan’s back, as it slowly disappears from his sight on his way to the supermarket. He smiles to himself, albeit sorrowfully, and puts his finger to touch his lips. Like a silent prayer, he thinks of the past years of secretly following, of careful visits, and a bunch of almosts; almost breaking his resolve to stay away, almost submitting to his wishes, almost damning his promise. He stands at the corner, seeing Zhao Yunlan off from behind.
Like he’s been doing so, since forever.
That day, Shen Wei has done what he feared: his almost.
No matter how many times he convinced himself that he had willingly chosen his doomed fate, he can’t stop yearning for a man who no longer remembers his promise. It’s been centuries, so many centuries have passed that Shen Wei had long forgotten to count. In his eyes, human life is short and fickle, every cycle is just the same. Everyone is born to die. None of the memories they make stay, and then they’re off to their next life.
Even so, he can’t stop searching for Kunlun. Of his incarnations. Everyone lives, then dies. Zhao Yunlan is part of the moral world. His life is short. Shen Wei knew he’ll soon be off from the living − his life will pass like a burning candle.
But no matter how much Shen Wei thinks that living and dying is just the same, to him, loving Kunlun from afar is also similar to breathing. Even with just simply observing him from where he can’t see, the professor thinks it’s more than enough. Those small moments are the reason he lived to this day, anyway.
He had always been dirty, not even a glance-worth.
He desperately tried to lead Kunlun to a normal life. A life without ghosts, of finding out fairy, raven and all other tribes, of any unusual events happening in the mortal realm that would come to his attention. In this life, he finally succeeded. Zhao Yunlan became a normal policeman – oblivious of the world which used to connect with him. Da Qing also never said anything. The members of SID are all humans. Shen Wei did all these for Kunlun’s happiness, because being a normal human fits him.
And Shen Wei, he’s…he’s contented with this.
But even with these thoughts, even with the amount of times he tried to convince himself he’s already satisfied, Shen Wei doesn’t know how it came to this. One day, he finds himself in Zhao Yunlan’s dream for whatever reason. He also had no idea whoever brought him inside to meet the man he’s always looked at from afar. With his power, he can almost immediately leave, but one peek at the man compels him to stay. He…he couldn’t leave him.
And from then on, he had been greedy to meet him again. This time, no outside force have brought him to Zhao Yunlan’s dreams, it was of his own accord.
On their 51st meeting, he damned promises and logic and lets himself delve into the illusion of permanence. They kissed until they ran out of breath, until Shen Wei has poured all his feelings in one touch. At that time, he knew that things have changed between them. He knew that at that moment, Zhao Yunlan held those feelings for him, burning intensely like centuries before. However, the kiss reminded him of things he can’t have.
He promised he would never succumb to his desire again.
Now.
Today, Zhao Yunlan is sick and tired, and Shen Wei has done it again.
He isn’t a stranger to what has been happening to Zhao Yunlan since he stopped meeting him. After all, he has been quietly following him ever since. On one hand, while he’s happy that he stopped meeting other people − yes, he’s not completely selfless, to the point he want to gouge their eyes out − but on another, he can’t bear to see him waiting for him anymore.
He’s torn between what he should do for Kunlun, and what Kunlun would want him to do − and now, he’s suffering the consequences.
But what other choice should he make, except for choosing Kunlun?
In this dream, he finds himself again on a familiar setting. Shen Wei feels like he’s in a daze. Like the first time, Zhao Yunlan is lying on a grassy top. Slowly, he leans in to touch his hair. Then, putting his hand to his own lips, he closes his eyes in devotion.
Not even a second later, Zhao Yunlan stirs.
The world stops.
Zhao Yunlan’s eyes are slowly opening. Shen Wei doesn’t know whether he’s more afraid of the man giving up on him, or continuing to wait for him. He just looks at him, silently, wishing that the other man will speak first. For a few more moments, they just stare at each other. To Shen Wei, these seconds are both a blessing and torture.
Zhao Yunlan looks at him coldly. “Was kissing me disgusting that you had to hide away for three years?”
The professor stills for a moment. “Yunlan, wai—”
Cutting him off, Zhao Yunlan stands to wipe his shirt from the grass. He then turns his back to Shen Wei, prepared to walk away to cool his head down. But before he can do so, the professor grabs his hand tight, unwilling to let him go for a step. His head is turned down, afraid to see what face Zhao Yunlan is making.
Scoffing, Zhao Yunlan tries to take his hand off him, however, Shen Wei only clutches to it tighter. “Yunlan, pleas—“
“And now you’re not letting me go? Well, Dream Guide-bro, before, did you give me a choice?”
Shen Wei shuts up at that, and slowly, he begins to loosen his hold.
This just made the SID Chief more upset, and in his rage, he shouts. “You’ve always been lying to me. But did I ever say anything? I’ve never believed your Dream Guide bullshit! But did I pressure you?!”
Shen Wei cannot answer to that.
Zhao Yunlan breathes heavily. He tries to calm himself down, until he finally does. With a soft whisper, he says: “You had one job. And that was to not fucking leave me.” He pauses. “I knew you’re real. I didn’t care about how small the truth you’re willing to show, and I still don’t. I thought…I thought we were on the same page?”
In his agony, he cannot respond. All he does, though, is pull Zhao Yunlan on the hand, until he can fully embrace him. Both of his arms clutches tightly around him, afraid to let go anymore. Zhao Yunlan, even with his initial anger, softens at the man holding him. No matter how upset he is, he cannot bear to see the person he has been waiting for so long like this. Without another thought, he places his free hand on the man’s back to pull him closer.
They have always been weak to each other…no matter what life.
They stay like that for a few more moments. Zhao Yunlan thinks he has finally calmed down, until a smell of blood reaches his nose. Shock and terror seizes his face. Immediately, he pulled away and saw the professor’s wrist bleeding. The teeth marks are also evident. The anger he had momentarily forgotten, resurfaces again.
“Do you really hate being with me that much?! If you don’t want to be with me, just say so! I won’t force you!” He raises his voice. He’s exhausted and sick and everything about this is stressing him up. No matter how harsh he is though, his words hurt him as much as it hurts the professor. Shen Wei winces, and finally meets his eyes.
“That will be the last time.”
“…Huh?”
“Zhao Yunlan! That will be the last time!” Voice cracking, “I will never let go of you again. I won’t let you suffer anymore.”
He’s stunned for a moment, until he moves. Zhao Yunlan buries his head on the professor’s shoulders. He can feel him shaking in sorrow. Pulling his head up, he reaches out to the man’s cheeks. Softly, he lands his lips on Shen Wei’s own; nothing of that need to take it farther, nothing except for comfort and reassurance. Just one gentle touch, and the world resumed.
Pulling away, Zhao Yunlan feels like he should be the one to say those words,
“I won’t let you suffer anymore.”
In their dream, two people met each other by coincidence. Even against better reason, the two willed to see each other every single time. They met and things start to fall into place. Even if Shen Wei tried to stay away, both of them still finds themselves back to each other.
“Will you tell me the truth now?”
Shen Wei just tightens his embrace.
Zhao Yunlan understands. “I don’t care. As long as you’re here. I’m not gonna ask anymore.” He breathes. “Just don’t pull that shit ever again. I don’t care even if we continue meeting like this. As long as we keep meeting. I’m willing to be in this setup, even for a hundred more years. I’m not going to ask anything more of you.”
“Yunlan…”
“But it’s for this life only, okay?” Zhao Yunlan smiles. “In my next life, find me again. But for real, this time. Show me the truth, show me you when we’re awake. I don’t know what keeps you, but I’ll always be here. I don’t want anyone else.”
In this dream, they meet and fall even deeper in love. Thousands of pasts right behind them that only Shen Wei remembers. The pain and frustration don’t lessen a bit—however, the feel of each other in their arms masks everything. There are still truths that one of them cannot unravel; but for now that’s fine. This is fine. Zhao Yunlan doesn’t mind.
In his heart, his body, his mind, he can always choose what makes him happy.
From then on, they continue where they left off.
Twice or thrice a week, or even sometimes, everyday, they meet in their dreams. Zhao Yunlan doesn’t question how the man does it. Or if he truly can control it. He doesn’t care anymore either. What’s important is he sees the man when he closes his eyes, in thoughts or in dreams. The man will never leave him again, at least they’re the same page on that.
Most of the time, all they do is play around and tell stories (or sometimes, make out). They’re past being conscious of their surroundings, and have accepted that this is their reality. Dream or not, they’re real. These emotions that burn them even as they go through the day in the real world are enough proof. Zhao Yunlan feels like everything is too good to be true − and the irony of it was, technically, it really is, that’s why they’re in a dream.
On some days, they just lie next to each other. On other days, where they’re lucky to meet near the sea, they spend their time competing with each other on water activities (Zhao Yunlan, though, being the sore loser that he is, applied on swimming lessons just so he could defeat the man when they meet on their dreams; much to the SID team’s confusion). They still continue playing chess, and the times Zhao Yunlan has thrown the pieces in frustration is too many that he stopped counting.
More importantly, Zhao Yunlan has also noticed that the clothes he wear in his sleep, are also the ones he appears to wear in his dreams. One day, he smirks pervertedly as he sleeps without any clothes on. To his disappointment and annoyance though, when he sees the man again, he finds himself still with clothes on that left him pouting during their entire encounter.
One day though, Zhao Yunlan decides to ask. “Isn’t it time to give me your name?”
Shen Wei stops for a while, “Wei…”
“Wei? What does that mean?”
“Just, mountain ghost.”
Zhao Yunlan squints his eyes. “That sounds casually made. What if we add a few more strokes and change it to Wei?”
Shen Wei smiles to himself. Kunlun…he really still is the same. He pushes himself closer to the man, and hums his approval. “Hm.”
They kiss a lot after that.
Zhao Yunlan, as he usually does, lies on the office couch. Their last case just finished recently, and right now, there’s nothing else but to do. He doesn’t know where his team is either; and they’re most likely fooling around or already went home. Zhao Yunlan sighs, thinking all his irresponsible team do is waste the taxpayers’ money.
He thinks of Wei, and urges the time to go faster so he can meet him again. Apparently, Wei can’t meet him during the day, so they settle for a nightly meeting. Even so, Zhao Yunlan finds himself looking at the clock every now and then. He feels especially clingy today.
After a moment, Guo Changcheng knocks on the door. “Chief, we have a new case.”
Lazily, he gestures him to go away. “Let Zhu Hong handle it.”
“Sister immediately…left, after hearing there’s a new case.”
Zhao Yunlan rolls his eyes, and swears to cut the girl’s pay on the 30th. Reluctantly, he sits upright to ask the details of the case. Maybe, instead of just lying around, actually doing his job will speed the time more. He listens through Guo Changcheng’s stutters, and makes out the words dead, university and immediate.
He massages his temples. “You. Come with me.”
Guo Changcheng doesn’t protest, and follows suit. On their way, Da Qing also decided to join. Once they reach Dragon University, some police officers have already surrounded that area. There are many bystanders as well, but the officers have been trying hard to wave them off. The yellow police tape is already present.
All it takes is Zhao Yunlan showing his identification card, for the officers to let him completely take the case. Being followed by a wimpy kid and a cat, he sees a female corpse on the middle of the ground. He takes out his gloves to examine the body. There’s a strange hand mark on the floor, something that Zhao Yunlan has never imagined seeing before.
Turning around, he sees a dilapidated door, and concludes it’s a back door for the Dragon University. Signing to Guo Changcheng and the Fat Fuq, they entered. They arrive at the student apartment room 202, and Da Qing jumps off Zhao Yunlan to investigate, looking and smelling through every part of the room. Finding nothing strange, he looks up.
There’s something with the window.
Da Qing points at it, and Zhao Yunlan nudges at Guo Changcheng. “Hey, look it up there.”
Not wanting to disobey the chief, even if he’s mildly scared, he instantly climbed to the window sill. Zhao Yunlan just looks at him for a moment, and waits. Guo Changcheng shakes lightly, finally reaching the window, and gazes through it for a while. He seems to hear a voice.
And then.
It happened in a blink of an eye. Zhao Yunlan steps a little too late to catch even a whip of Guo Changcheng’s hair. The man falls on the ground outside. “That idiot!” Immediately, followed by Da Qing, they head out of the apartment building to help the kid out. Pissed, he prepares to raise his voice – unaware of the man who also rushed to help Guo Changcheng.
“You idi—“
“Student, do you know how dangero—”
They stop.
No matter what, he will never have mistaken that voice.
In front of Zhao Yunlan is a tall and lean man. He wears rimless glasses that emphasize how educated he looks. He is formally dressed in white, carrying a textbook in his hand. Just like how he always look in his dreams, he seems to be a beauty that’s only born once every century.
Wei.
The same man he’s only been seeing in his dreams.
There, under the heat of morning, stands the cultured image that he never thought he’ll see until his next life. The man is as surprised as he is, almost dropping his textbook. Guo Changcheng howls in pain, confused at how the people who seemed like they were about to help him a moment ago, suddenly forgot his existence.
A pause.
“I…”
“Wei?”
There’s nothing on Zhao Yunlan’s face. Just… genuine surprise. In a moment, he’s struck with so many feelings. In the next, there’s only warmth…and love.
He doesn’t plan on asking anything. Heck, there’s really nothing he wants to do to ruin this moment. The only thing he can think of is that Wei is here and breathing and they’re awake. Even if the man has always been this close—he’s literally just on Dragon University! And Zhao Yunlan missed that!—but still not meeting with him for whatever reason, he cannot seem to care. (Maybe, he’ll remember this later. But honestly, right now, that’s the least important.)
Shen Wei wants to say something, or run, but Zhao Yunlan cuts him off.
“Wei…you, what’s your real name?”
He lowers his head, “Shen Wei.”
Zhao Yunlan smiles softly. Da Qing has been clawing at him for some time now, but he doesn’t seem to feel. In this very second, all he sees is Shen Wei, and somehow…this still feels like a dream. But, he thinks, this is so much better than any made-up setting by their minds. Shen Wei is here and breathing and real and awake; Zhao Yunlan feels like the universe is spoiling him too much.
He instantly grabs Shen Wei’s hand, just to feel how real this is.
Shen Wei’s hand is ice-cold, just like a corpse, but Zhao Yunlan finds himself preferring them over any warmth he’s felt.
“You’re not running away from me now, are you? I found you.”
And there, Shen Wei knows he has no other choice.
He submits.
Zhao Yunlan grins.
It starts with a soothing voice. A soft call. A breath.
“Shen Wei, what kind of ring would you like?”