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“What is up, Webheads, it’s ya boi, Spidey, comin’ back at ya with some more creeper action. Today we are playing another episode of Minecraft with mods. As per your request, I did add the Avengers armor mod, as well as some epic shaders. So let’s enter this new beautiful world together.”
SpideyPlays is an enigma of its own. No one truly knows the real identity to this parody account, but they stick around for his comedic timing and entertaining quips about the Avengers. With three million subscribers, it isn’t the most popular channel, but definitely isn’t suffering to the algorithm. Playing games ranging from Life is Strange to Barbie’s Dreamhouse Party, he brings in new viewers and subscribers with each video.
“Creepah! Aw man.” Spider-Man dances, letting the creepers around him explode around him, barely leaving health deductions. “See, this is why you use the Avengers’ armor. You get protection baybee!”
He roams around the mines, mining all of the ores he came across. “You know, despite having seven PHDs, Dr. Bruce Banner still thinks that silverfish are real creatures.”
A quiet voice from behind the camera quietly says, “silverfish are real.”
Spider-Man’s white eyes expand in shock. “Silverfish are WHAT?”
The quiet voice repeats, “yeah silverfish are actual creatures.” A disembodied hand hands a phone to the masked man, still speechless from shock.
The red and blue hero lets out a shriek of disgust. “Oh my God, please tell me I’ll never have to see those in real life ever please please please.”
“Babe, you literally have cockroaches in your bathtub right now,” the quiet disembodied voice says from behind the camera.
“But cockroaches are different. They don’t look like they will crawl into your eyes and eat your brains.” Almost on cue, silverfish in the cave he was in begin to emerge from the stone, hitting him, causing him to let out a high pitched squawk.
.-~*~-.
“What is up, Webheads, it’s ya boi, Spidey, comin’ back at ya with some major depressive disorder, with this episode of Spider-Man plays girlsgogames. I have listened to your comments, and all of you want me to do superhero games on this hellhole of a website, so that’s what I’m doing today. Okay what is this one? Super Doll Skin Doctor? This ought to be good.”
Upon clicking on the game and starting, he lets out a strangled gasp. “Oh God. What happened to your face, girl? What did you do? How did this happen? A bitch needs to see a dermatologist. OH GOD. I have to clip hair off of her face? Do not trust me with scissors this close to your face.” Once he finished the game he let out a long breath. “That was exhausting. You know what that means.” He turns to face off camera. “Baaabe! Light of my life! Gift to my world!”
There are distant footsteps, and the creaking of the door opening. “What?”
“Baby pookie pants…”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Will you pretty please get me something to boost my energy?” Spider-Man turns to look back at the camera. “You can’t see it, but he’s rolling his eyes at me right now.”
There’s a jumpcut and Spider-Man now has a milkshake with a ridiculously long straw. “Now, if you’re new here, then you don’t know that this suit has the option to take the eyes of the mask out, so I can drink. So, I’m just gonna pop off the eye and thread this drink through. Also, don’t get excited about finally being able to see my eyes, because I’m wearing a colored contact so you can’t recognize my eye color.” When he pops the eye open, it reveals a red costume contact covered eye as he slides the straw through the eyehole followed by an audible slurp.
“You know, my milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, but what does my lovely boyfriend’s milkshake do? Bring me to the yard? Bring other boys into our yard? These are the questions we should be asking.”
.-~*~-.
“What is up, Webheads, it’s ya boi, Spidey, comin’ back at ya with some wholesome content. I didn’t exactly have a computer when I was a kid, so I wasn’t brought up with some of these games everyone else did, so I’m playing what is apparently and oldie but a goodie, “Can Your Pet?” Can my pet what? I guess we’ll just have to see.”
“Oh boy I get to name my egg? Okay I have to be thoughtful. Okay… I think his name should be…” He stops and begins to bop to the beat. “This is music goes hard. It really didn’t have to go this hard but it really did.” He does an overexaggerated whip and naynay. “Okay, I think I’ll name her Princess Lay-a. Get it? Like lay. Like laying an egg?” His Spider eyes widened. “Oh my gosh!!! Look at my daughter. So small. So pure. What’s this? A bow?” He clicks on it. “I get to give her a little outfit! Wow!!” He clicks around again. “You know what? Red bow and basketball outfit because girls can be athletes too.”
Throughout the video he gushes about how cute she is and how he wants to be a good father until the new option is available.
“Do you want to go on a bike ride, Lay-a? Get that exercise in? Get swol?” He clicks on it, still swaying in his seat, but he freezes. “What? What? WHAT?? ” He doesn’t say anything as the credits role. “No. No… No! No no. No. What. Why would you… and I… but I… and she… what? ”
.-~*~-.
“What is up, Webheads, it’s ya boi, Spidey, comin’ back at ya with the best moment of my entire life. Guys you don’t know how gosh diddly darn ecstatic I am right now. So, Lego has not only been completely amazing by making Lego sets and characters for me, but also has made a Lego video game. Now, I’m not saying that my life has been completed and there is nothing else for me to live for, but I’m kind of saying that. Now, let’s start playing.”
He commentates through the opening credits and introduction and basically vibrates in his seat from excitement as he starts free roam gameplay. “Gettin’ those coins boi. Oh oh gettin’ those coins boi. Iron Lad, give me a beat.” From off camera, there is a weak beat box. “My name is Spidey. I am a Pisces. I’m not Pisces. But it rhymes with Spidey. I’m in a game yo. I am a playah. I mean in the game tho. Won’t cheat on my bro. I’m getting my bread. In blue and r-red. Running through the roads. Okay I’m gonna stop.”
“I’m gonna literally explode. Look at the lego webs. Look at Lego me doing front flips. That’s me but as a Lego. If you guys want to see me build a Lego Spider-Man set, comment down below, and even if I only get one comment, I will do it anyways.”
“Okay I don’t condone vandalization and destruction of public property, but those coins doe. ”
“Oh man I get to fight bad guys?! Heck yeah! Kablam!” He throws a punch and the Lego villain explodes into coins. “Oh God did I just kill him? He just combusted into coins. I should not wield this sort of power. Kachow! Pew pew! Thwip! Holy crap I can lassoe this dude with my web? Wachaw!”
.-~*~-.
The screen opens to an empty chair, Spider-Man doing a triple backflip into a perfect sitting position in his rolly chair. “What is up, Webheads, it’s ya boi, Spidey, comin’ back at ya with some smooth moves. Today we will be doing some Just Dance and you know what that means.” There is a jumpcut to a different location, a full body camera on. “You’ll finally be seeing something other than above my waist. Yes, it’s true. I have legs.” He does a leg hold. “Joining us today in my wonderful journey in dance land is my boyfriend, Iron Lad!”
There are clunks as Iron Lad enters, doing the dance that Dobby does in the "Dobby Dances to Shakira" video. He turns to face Spider-Man. “You know, this is pretty unfair. You’ve got Spider flexibility and a skin-tight suit. I’ve got this.”
“There’s a reason I asked you to be in this video. Guaranteed win and good content.”
The video is a success with Iron Lad struggling to dance to “Rasputin,” Spider-Man absolutely killing it at Britney Spears’ extreme version of “Circus,” and the duo being couple goals with “Glorious Black Belts” and “You’re The One That I Want,” despite Harley having a lack of mobility in his suit.
For the first time, the viewers now had complete evidence that SpideyPlays is in fact the real Spider-Man and the confirmed relationship between Spider-Man and Iron Lad. To say the least, there was chaos on the internet.
amanda @spiderbih
is anyone else kinda shook that @spideyplays might actually be spider-man??
> yeet @calculisterine
what do you mean “might”? like that was literally iron lad.
>> iron lad @laddieboi
or was it?
k @kailamariejohnson
do i smell new LGBT icons??? @spideyplays @laddieboi
> iron lad @laddieboi
<3
>> spoods @spideyplays
<3
The Daily Bugle @thedailybugle
@starkindustries @avengers Do you have any comment on @spideyplay’s new video?
> The Avengers @avengers
Spider-Man has a right to be in any relationship he chooses to be in, as does Iron Lad. Their relationship does not inhibit their work as heroes. There is nothing in the Sokovia Accords that keep them from doing so. (1/2)
>> The Avengers
Furthermore, now that their relationship is public, it is even more imperative that there is still respect for our heroes. We will /not/ be dismantling their roles as Avengers due to something as trivial as sexuality, so do not ask. (2/2)
.-~*~-.
Despite the mix of new stans and new haters, Spider-Man and Iron Lad continue to do their thing on the SpideyPlays account.
“What is up, Webheads, it’s ya boi, Spidey, comin’ back at ya with a fad that died years ago and that’s Five Nights at Freddy’s.” Spider-Man sits comfortably next to Iron Lad who barely is fully in the constraints of the screen. “We’ve never tried to film together in this space and it’s a little less roomy than we hoped, but who needs personal space, amiright?”
“Have you seen the FNAF musical ?” Iron Lad asked casually.
“The FNAF what ?”
Iron Lad nodded. “Yeah featuring Markiplier, NateWantsToBattle, and MatPat.”
“Featuring who? ” he repeated, astonished.
“It’s good.”
As Spider-Man clicks around, he scoffs over-confidently. “This game is easy. Check the cameras, turn on the lights, it’s simp- AHHHH OH MY GOD JE…” There is a title card with elevator music reading “cut for viewer discretion and because Stark Industries said so.”
The video cuts to Spider-Man and Iron Lad again, starting a new game with Iron Lad in the lead.
“How did you even get to night four?” Spider-Man grumbled, obviously jealous.
“Because I actually think about my actions,” Iron Lad teased. Spider-Man mocked his sentence childishly. Unbeknownst to him, Iron Lad had prepared for this video by watching every tutorial and gameplay he could, and he was prepping for one of the biggest jumpscares on purpose.
“See, now this video is boring because we aren’t failing. When I play games I do it so poorly that people stick around just to see my playful banter, but you’re no fun. I mean look, you’re just playing and giving me no attention,” Spider-Man complained.
Iron Lad turned to him, amused. “You want me to give you attention?”
“That’s not what I said!”
“That’s kinda what you said.”
Spider-Man humphed in his seat, crossing his arms. “Just play the stupid game.” As he studied the screen, rambling, he jumped straight out of his seat off screen as the jumpscare popped onto the seemingly calm screen.
There is the sound of Iron Lad exiting his suit and the camera shakily moving to turn to face Spider-Man stuck on the wall, shaking from fear.
“This really isn’t good for my reputation,” he stated, unsticking himself.
.-~*~-.
spoods @spideyplays
Hey everyone! So I’m not sure where to take this channel, but I really do want to keep making videos, so please comment down below suggestions so the author in the sky who writes me has more content to get out to you!