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32.7157° N, 117.1611° W
San Diego, CA
Chanyeol wonders if falling out of love is as easy as falling into it.
Falling in love with Minseok was easy. Was as smooth as the California breeze and felt just as good. Falling in love Minseok was like walking into the sea on a warm afternoon. Love washed over his heart like the waves and foam lapped at his toes. He fell in love with Minseok every day, every night, every hour - each time as gentle as the last.
Four years had gone by like that. The ocean a backdrop to their lives. Their life together. And while Chanyeol reminisced their love to the ocean, he never felt like he was drowning. In fact, Minseok was like a life preserver - keeping Chanyeol’s head above the water.
The decision to buy an engagement ring came just as easily as the first “Hello” and even easier than the first “I love you.” With how easy everything had been, Chanyeol wasn’t prepared to sink to the coldest depths of the sea, the words Minseok spoke the anchor dragging him down.
“It’s not fair to you,” Minseok had said, “You deserve someone who can be as happy and as in love with you as you are with them.”
Chanyeol thought Minseok was that person.
“I’m sorry I can’t be that person anymore.”
And Minseok walked out, wishing Chanyeol all the happiness in the world, not knowing that he was taking that happiness with him when he closed the door.
Chanyeol was so confused. So lost. He wondered where he had gone wrong. What he did that made Minseok realize he didn’t love him. Even though Minseok himself had said that it wasn’t anything Chanyeol did - that it was just something Minseok realized himself. Was there something he could’ve done differently? Something that would’ve made Minseok stay in love with him?
Chanyeol was in pain. He felt like he had been thrown against the rocks by the unforgiving and unrelenting sea. He felt like he was drowning every time he tried to take a breath.
He pretended to be fine. Acted like he was able to breathe when Minseok came to move his stuff out of their home. Acted like seeing him out in public didn’t make Chanyeol want to break down in tears.
San Diego had been Chanyeol’s home for his entire life, except now he wanted nothing more than to uproot everything and go where nothing could hurt him.
34.0522° N, 118.2437° W
Los Angeles, CA
It was three weeks after Minseok moved out of Chanyeol’s home and heart that Chanyeol realized he couldn’t be in the same city as him. San Diego was big, but when their friend groups had been entwined since before they got together, it was hard for Chanyeol to avoid seeing him. Too many encounters at their favorite coffee shop had Chanyeol’s heart fracturing even further. Too many awkward, yet still friendly, smiles with eyes filled something - not pity, Minseok was never one to pity someone - but something, something that made Chanyeol wish he could go somewhere where he wouldn’t have to see Minseok.
That’s how he found himself loading up his car, nothing but a small suitcase of necessities in the trunk and his guitar up front, one Saturday morning. The sky was clear and blue, a gentle breeze ruffling Chanyeol’s loose fringe. A perfect day for new beginnings. Chanyeol insisted that it was a new beginning and not just an attempt to run away. After all, LA held endless possibilities for him. He could compose and produce almost anywhere as long as he had his guitar and laptop. Who knows, maybe he would even find a golden opportunity in LA. Plus, LA had Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo had an extra room.
Jongdae had simply nodded his head when Chanyeol explained to him why he was leaving their studio. Chanyeol was grateful that he didn’t mention anything about what the sudden departure was really about. If Chanyeol ever came back to San Diego, he owed Jongdae a drink.
Chanyeol had looked around his home one last time before slamming the trunk of his car closed. He tried not to think of all the memories he and Minseok made together in this place. He failed. And with a heavy heart and tears threatening to fill his eyes, Chanyeol climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. He let the low rumble fill his senses, put the gear in drive, and let the GPS guide him to his escape route.
Three and a half hours and several stops in traffic later, Chanyeol navigated the streets of LA to find Kyungsoo’s apartment building. It took another twenty minutes for him to pull into a parking garage and make his way through the doors and into the elevator. It took approximately two more minutes for Chanyeol to knock on Kyungsoo’s door with his suitcase and guitar in hand. It took less than one minute for Kyungsoo to let him in and demand he sit down and eat lunch.
Chanyeol gladly took the offered plates of food, throat slightly constricting because he knew this was Kyungsoo’s way of offering his support.
“Thanks for letting me stay here,” Chanyeol said between bites.
“First of all,” Kyungsoo said, “don’t talk with food in your mouth. Second of all, and I will kill you if you ever say this to anyone, but I kind of missed having you around.”
Chanyeol broke into a wide grin at Kyungsoo’s words, and went to tease him for saying something like that, but was stopped by Kyungsoo’s next sentence.
“And if you say anything about me admitting that I won’t cook for you, and will let you fend for yourself for meals.”
Chanyeol stuffed some more rice into his mouth to indicate he wouldn’t be saying anything.
“That’s what I thought,” Kyungsoo said.
Chanyeol quickly fell into a routine with Kyungsoo. Chanyeol would work on producing at home while Kyungsoo worked his shifts at his restaurant. If Kyungsoo was able, he’d cook them meals. If not, he left detailed instructions for Chanyeol to not set the kitchen on fire and simply reheat whatever leftovers there were or order takeout. Chanyeol felt like Kyungsoo was just a tad bit dramatic about Chanyeol’s cooking skills. But it was Kyungsoo’s apartment, so Chanyeol did what he was told.
Sometimes, Chanyeol would try to get Kyungsoo to go out to a bar on the weekends. He was always unsuccessful. It was always “I work tonight” or “I work in the morning” or just “No.” But Chanyeol was determined.
One Saturday night that Kyungsoo didn’t have to work nor work the next morning, Chanyeol managed to convince him to go out for drinks by some miracle. Chanyeol wasn’t looking for a wild night out, he knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t agree to that anyway, but his routine was getting too routine, and Chanyeol needed something to break it up.
They found themselves at a relatively small bar that had a relaxed atmosphere. Chanyeol ordered the drinks, insisting they were on him tonight, not like Kyungsoo argued anyway. They sat by themselves at a booth along the wall, Kyungsoo positioned so he could people watch like he usually did. Then Chanyeol started up his usual endless chatter, with Kyungsoo contributing every now and again. Before Chanyeol knew it, he was too many drinks in and was very tipsy. And a tipsy Chanyeol was an emotional and oversharing Chanyeol.
“I just don’t understand, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol suddenly sobbed, flopping himself over the tabletop. Kyungsoo sighed. “I thought everything was great. And then he just leaves?” Chanyeol hiccups.
Kyungsoo gingerly pats the top of Chanyeol’s head.
“I loved him so much, Soo. So much.” Chanyeol gives out another sob. “I’ll never find love like that again.”
Chanyeol’s shoulders shake, and Kyungsoo decides it’s time to head home. Chanyeol breaking down would be easier to handle in private than public.
Chanyeol lets himself be manhandled by Kyungsoo, which is not an easy task for the smaller man. Chanyeol really can’t pay attention to much, the alcohol and overwhelming sadness inhibiting him. He feels warm air on his tear stained cheeks, and then he’s being shoved into the back of an uber. He leans his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, the seemingly never ending flow of tears wetting Kyungsoo’s shirt. Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, just continues to stroke his hair to try and comfort him. It works enough that Chanyeol stops crying long enough to stumble into the apartment and onto the couch.
Kyungsoo brings him a glass of water and sits beside him.
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo starts, “I know it was hard. And I’m sorry.” Chanyeol leans into the hand that Kyungsoo placed back on his head. “But everything will be okay in the end. You’ll find someone.”
Chanyeol sniffles. “But what if I don’t? I’ll just be alone forever. I don’t like being alone.”
Kyungsoo sighs and continues to pet Chanyeol’s hair.
“Even if you don’t find someone,” Kyungsoo continues quickly when Chanyeol makes a noise of distress, “but I’m positive you will, being alone isn’t so bad. Take it from me.”
“But you and I are so different.”
“Maybe. Or maybe not.” Kyungsoo counters. “We’re both made up of the same stuff. I’m sure you’ll be okay soon, Chanyeol. You just need some time and, I don’t know, an opportunity to ‘find yourself’ or whatever the kids call it these days.”
Chanyeol lets a small chuckle at that. Kyungsoo may not be one for words, but he always knows what Chanyeol needs in times like these.
“Thanks, Soo.” Chanyeol sniffs, leaning further into Kyungsoo’s space.
Kyungsoo makes a face and pushes him off.
“Yeah, yeah, You’re welcome. Now get off me and go to bed.”
Chanyeol stumbles to his feet and mock salutes. “Aye, aye, Captain.”
Kyungsoo just rolls his eyes. “And don’t forget to drink some water, okay?”
Chanyeol grins and swoops down to press a sloppy kiss to the top of Kyungsoo’s head. “I knew you cared.”
“Gross,” Kyungsoo muutters, but he can’t help the small grin that forms on his lips.
Grabbing the glass of water Kyungsoo had set down earlier, Chanyeol makes his way to his room. He chugs the glass before flopping face first into the pillows. He lets sleep overtake him, Kyungsoo’s words floating through his head.
The next morning, Chanyeol wakes up to a dry mouth, a painful headache, and the smell of bacon wafting through the air. He gets up and ambles his way to the kitchen where Kyungsoo is preparing breakfast.
“Mornin’,” Chanyeol croaks, idly scratching his stomach.
Kyungsoo hums in acknowledgment and points his wooden spoon towards the table where a glass of water and the bottle painkillers sit. Chanyeol gratefully takes the pills and drinks the water. It’s not long before a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast are put in front of him. Chanyeol digs in while Kyungsoo sits across from him, slowly sipping his coffee and munching on his toast. Chanyeol slows down his eating and begins to think.
“You know,” he says slowly. Kyungsoo looks at him over the rim of his coffee cup. “I think you’re right.”
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow as he sets his cup down. “I’m right about most things, you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“Last night.” Chanyeol says as if that clears everything up.
It doesn’t. Kyungsoo merely stares at him.
“About finding myself or whatever.”
“Ahh,” Kyungsoo hums. “What kind of plan has your brain cooked up this time?”
“I think I’m gonna travel the country. By myself.” Chanyeol nods his head resolutely.
“I don’t think that’s what I had in mind when I gave you that advice, but if you think it’ll help.” Kyungsoo shrugs.
“I mean, I’ve always wanted to travel more.” Chanyeol explains. “I have enough money saved up from that song I sold to Justin.”
Kyungsoo interrupts. “Chanyeol how many times have I told you. Just because Justin Bieber bought one of your songs does not mean you are on a first name basis with him.”
“I beg to differ. Anyway, I have the money, I have my car, I think it’s something I should try.”
Kyungsoo studies him for a while, not saying anything. Chanyeol squirms in his seat.
“This isn’t just you running away again is it?”
Chanyeol curses Kyungsoo’s entire existence. Of course he wouldn’t hold back. He never has.
“No?” Chanyeol tries.
Kyungsoo stares at him harder.
“No.” Chanyeol says firmly, hoping to convince himself as much as Kyungsoo. “It’s not. Maybe that’s what I was doing when I came here, but this isn’t.”
Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop chanyeol even if he tried. Chanyeol was glad Kyungsoo wouldn’t push the issue further even if he knew Chanyeol was lying.
“As long as you realize you’re gonna have to stop running one day.” Kyungsoo said, getting up to wash the dishes and ending the conversation.
Chanyeol slumped into his seat. Leave it to Kyungsoo to get the last word in.
The rest of their Sunday went by like it usually did. They went grocery shopping, stopped for lunch, and then chilled around the apartment until dinner time. Chanyeol wanted to help with dinner, insisting that he’s not really that bad in the kitchen, but Kyungsoo was having none of it and shooed him away. The kitchen was his space.
It was over their plates of spaghetti that Kyungsoo brought up the travel topic again.
“So, what exactly is your plan?”
Chanyeol swallowed his bite of pasta before answering. “Well…”
Kyungsoo put his fork down. “You don’t have a plan do you?”
“I will!” Chanyeol defended himself. “Soon. Or maybe I won’t have a plan. Maybe I’ll just go where the wind takes me.”
“Whatever works for you, I guess.” Kyungsoo concedes, twirling another bite onto his fork.
It turns out that Chanyeol doesn’t have a plan. He had been meaning to make one, but the effort of planning out a whole cross country trip was just too much work for him. He figures he’ll stop at whatever city catches his interest. Even though he doesn’t know where he’s going, Chanyeol does know when he’s going to leave. His stay in LA was starting to get too routine. He was starting to get too comfortable, and the newness of the city was wearing off. That meant that his thoughts were allowed to stray from the new sites and experiences and once again focus on the past. Which is something Chanyeol most definitely did not want. So he decided he would begin his travels the following weekend.
Chanyeol let Kyungsoo know that he would be leaving soon, and he could tell through Kyungsoo’s indifferent facade that he would miss him. Kyungsoo wasn’t as hard to read as he thought he was. Chanyeol made sure to spend some extra time with Kyungsoo, invading his personal space as much as he could. He’d miss Kyungsoo too, but Chanyeol needed to get away.
The Saturday morning seemed to take forever to arrive. Time moving too slow for Chanyeol’s liking. When it finally did arrive, Chanyeol eagerly loaded up his meager belongings in his car. Kyungsoo stood off to the side simply watching Chanyeol, making no move to help. Chanyeol closed the trunk and moved to Kyungsoo, enveloping him in a hug.
“I’ll miss you, Soo.”
Kyungsoo pushed Chanyeol off of him. “I wish I could say the same.”
Chanyeol grinned. “It’s okay. I know you will.”
Chanyeol got into the front seat and started the car. He rolled down his window to call out a goodbye.
“Don’t die.” Kyungsoo said instead of a farewell. Typical.
“I’ll try my hardest.”
And with that, Chanyeol pulled out of the parking garage and onto the streets. Destination unknown, but anywhere was better than where the thoughts of Minseok could find him.
36.1699° N, 115.1398° W
Las Vegas, NV
The first destination turned out to be Vegas. The road signs had pointed that direction, and Chanyeol had never been so he figured why not. He could have some fun, see the Hoover Dam, and send his friends some postcards. Vegas seemed like a good time and a good place to not think.
With traffic, it took Chanyeol five hours to reach the city. The five hours had been filled with the 2000s pop radio station and Chanyeol’s loud voice singing along. He tried not to let the long stretch of road turn into a loud stretch of silence. Silence was never something Chanyeol had been good with.
Chanyeol ended up gambling away more money than he’d like to admit and drank more drinks than he should have. He thought he wouldn’t do so much, but being alone was harder than Chanyeol anticipated. The loss of money and sobriety were fine, though, because in the hazy week he was there, Chanyeol managed to not think about Minseok. Maybe that wasn’t the healthiest way to think or handle his feelings, but Chanyeol didn’t care. Still, a part of recognized it wasn’t right, so he packed up and checked out Saturday morning.
He hit the open road and headed south. He rolled down his windows and let the warm air mess up his hair and clear his head.
33.4484° N, 112.0740° W
Phoenix, AZ
Chanyeol followed the road signs all the way to Phoenix. The desert was an awfully boring backdrop to the five hour drive. The only entertainment he got was from his girl group playlist. SNSD’s voices accompanying his own. He received some weird looks at stop lights, but Chanyeol was never one to have any shame.
After checking into a hotel downtown, Chanyeol let himself wander the city. He quickly regretted his choice of choosing a desert state in the middle of summer. North probably would’ve been a better choice. Now Chanyeol had to suffer through intense heat and sweating. Luckily he found comfort in an air conditioned museum, and as the air cooled his heated skin, Chanyeol lost himself in the works of art and history.
Before he knew it, the sun was setting and the museum was closing. He grabbed dinner to go and ate it in a nearby park, watching the sky mix pinks and oranges that eventually faded. The day had gone by smoothly, Chanyeol genuinely enjoying his first day in the city, but as he climbed underneath the scratchy hotel blankets, a pang of loneliness overwhelmed him. There was nowhere to hide in the dark of the night, no activities or people to distract him, so Chanyeol let it wash over him, and he went to bed with red eyes and an aching heart.
The morning came and Chanyeol asked the hotel clerk for the best tourist spots. Hiking was apparently popular, so Chanyeol donned his most appropriate hiking wear and headed to the trails. Despite his reservations, Chanyeol immensely enjoyed the hike. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking, the red rock formations and gorgeous contrast to the stark blue sky. He welcomed the burn in his legs and lungs, relished the pleasant ache the hike left in its wake. The best part was that it tired Chanyeol out enough that he fell asleep instantly, leaving no time for the loneliness to overtake him.
Chanyeol spent the rest of his time in Phoenix like that. During the hotter part of the days he explored the various museums the city had to offer. He pretended that seeing couples gaze at art didn’t strike a chord of jealousy within him. Pretended that he didn’t wish someone was beside him, appreciating the colors or sculptures with him.
When evening rolled by, Chanyeol found himself walking different trails or through different parks. The walks were nice. The air had cooled down and the desert scenery was painted with a golden orange glow. Out hiking, Chanyeol didn’t have to face other people. Didn’t have to witness countless couples mocking him. It was just Chanyeol and himself, and surprisingly Chanyeol didn’t hate it. The walks always wore his body out, ensuring a peaceful night’s sleep.
A week into his stay in Phoenix, Chanyeol felt better than he had in awhile. But still, he was running out of things to do in the city, after all there were only so many museums he could peruse and trails he could hike. The dwindling of activities led to Chanyeol checking out of his hotel and once again taking to the streets. Though this time, his shoulders felt a little less heavy and heart a little more whole than it had been.
35.0844° N, 106.6504° W
Albuquerque, NM
Seven hours and one shitty lunch stop at a roadside diner later, Chanyeol found himself in Albuquerque. The drive had been pleasant. There were other things to see besides cracked dirt and his playlist of old classic rock hits soothed him in a way only the Eagles could do. The time now seemed to move at a normal speed, no longer dragging as Chanyeol tried to fight off his thoughts in his solitude. He welcomed the change. Maybe Kyungsoo really had been onto something after all.
He pulled into the parking lot of a quaint cowboy themed motel, and inhaled the hot, dry air. He was already beginning to sweat. He went inside the motel office and a wrinkled woman greeted him.
“Welcome. What can I do for you?” She asked.
“Do you have any single rooms available?”
“Sure thing, we got plenty. Just be needing a room for yourself, then?”
Chanyeol nodded his head, hoping he wouldn’t be judged by this random old lady for being alone.
“Good for you.” She said. “Not a lot of folks can spend time with themselves. Tells me a lot about you.”
Chanyeol’s chest constricted slightly. Somehow he felt like he was lying to the woman. She didn’t know that most times he did struggle spending time with himself. She’d probably be disappointed if she knew the kinds of thoughts he had if he was alone for too long. Or maybe he was just overthinking things. He couldn’t dwell on the conversation any longer as the woman gave him the price of the room and he paid. The long drive had tired Chanyeol out, and before he knew it, he was relaxing into the bed and falling into a nap.
He awoke a few hours later, disoriented. His phone clock informed him it was a little past six, and his stomach grumbled alerting him he needed to eat dinner. He refreshed himself in the bathroom, and then went to ask the woman in the office where the best place to eat was. She recommended a family owned place, and that’s where Chanyeol went.
To say he was impressed with the meal would be an understatement. The flavors filled his mouth and he savored every bite. It reminded him of Kyungsoo’s cooking. He was ready to burst, yet he still wanted to eat more. Satisfied, he left a generous tip then decided to walk the meal off.
The restaurant was situated in the middle of what seemed to be a historic district. Several shop fronts lined the streets and families were out and about. He walked farther along and found a small clearing where a few street performers were playing. He watched them and tossed a few dollars into their cases or hats. The atmosphere was warm, and Chanyeol found himself wanting to play on these streets too.
The sky faded into darkness, street lamps flickering on, and Chanyeol made his way back to his car. The good food and warm air had made him drowsy, and he fell asleep with no problem.
The next morning, Chanyeol walked up and down Albuquerque’s streets, often stopping to enter shops. He found several trinkets he thought Kyungsoo would like. He even found a little handheld instrument for Jongdae. Chanyeol purchased a few souvenirs for himself too. He ignored everything that reminded him of Minseok.
He spent his days in Albuquerque much like he did in Phoenix. Museums, walks, local shops. Chanyeol let the city’s culture wrap around him. Unlike Phoenix, Chanyeol felt less like he was busying himself to avoid thoughts and more like he was embracing the city for what it was. He went where the motel owner told him to, her suggestions never letting him down. He found himself enjoying his stay. Didn’t mind that he discovered the city by himself. Perhaps he wasn’t as much of a fraud as he thought when he first checked in. He even allowed himself to set up in the historic district and busk like he used to, not minding the fact that that was how he met Minseok.
He valued the time he had alone. On several occasions he pulled out a notebook and pen and sat outside, brainstorming song ideas. The notes and lyrics came easier to him than they had in awhile. He even brought out his guitar in the motel room, strumming along to what he was working on. Chanyeol extended his stay by a few days, banking on the new wave of inspiration. He let himself get absorbed into his work, and when he said farewell to the motel owner, he had a new song and new hopes.
37.2689° N, 99.3268° W
Coldwater, KS
This time, Chanyeol left with a destination in mind: Chicago. It was a long drive, roughly 19 hours give or take depending on traffic. He knew he would have to stop and sleep somewhere along the way. What he didn’t plan on was his trusty car breaking down in the middle of nowhere Kansas.
He had been ambling along, corn fields filling his vision when he heard a strange noise come from the front. Next thing Chanyeol knew, his car was pittering out on a random backroad. He managed to get it onto the shoulder and out of potential traffic’s way. He doubted anyone would pass by any time soon though. He had been alone on the road for over an hour, it was unlikely to change soon.
Chanyeol got out of the car and popped the hood. He didn’t know anything about cars, but maybe it was something obvious even he could fix. He poked around for a bit and decided that no, it wasn’t something he could fix. He went to call for roadside assistance, but his phone displayed zero bars. Chanyeol cursed Kansas. Now he had no choice but to wait for somebody to drive by and help him. He prayed the first person wouldn’t be a murderer.
Having nothing else to do, Chanyeol pulled out his guitar and sat himself on the hood. He strummed aimlessly, random chords that didn’t belong to any song. He looked around the area while he played. There wasn’t much to look at. It was just the road, cornfields on either side, and the empty blue sky above him.
An hour passed, his guitar back in its case. His stomach began to rumble with the need for dinner. Nobody had drove by yet. Another hour passed by, and the sky began to change colors. The blues melted into pinks, purples, oranges, and truth be told, Chanyeol was a little awed by it. The sky stretched on for miles, uninterrupted by trees or buildings. Not even a single hill marred the horizon. The sunset seemed to fill Chanyeol’s vision, and he was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions.
Sitting on his broken car, alone, in the middle of the fields of Kansas, Chanyeol finally had nowhere to run to. The feelings he had thought were gone suddenly reappeared. Turns out they weren’t gone, just bottled up. And the bottle was breaking. He felt a tear slip down his cheek and hurriedly wiped it away. Several more took its place. For the first time, Chanyeol let himself let go. Let out everything he had been running from. Let his tears fall and heart ache. Let himself mourn for what he lost and would never be able to get back.
The sunset turned into an abstract painting through his tear filled eyes. He took a shuddering breath and stood up. He went to the edge of the field, looked out over the stalks. He felt small. The world stretched out in front of him, so wide and vast. Chanyeol tried to will himself to stop crying. Tried to find something he could hold onto.
Strangely, the vastness surrounding him didn’t feel so ominous. It felt… comforting almost. Chanyeol tried to make sense of what he was feeling. The tears had mostly stopped, and he let out a sniffle. He looked up, and saw the stars begin to glow. Chanyeol could already see more than he had in his entire life. He once again felt small, but that was okay, Chanyeol realized. The universe was huge, and he was but one person, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The stars didn’t care if he was alone. If the stars didn’t care, why should he? Whether he had somebody by his side or not, the world will still turn. The skies will still change colors, the wind will still blow. The world will still continue as it always has. It was time for Chanyeol to still turn too.
Twenty minutes later, Chanyeol had calmed down, though he was sure his eyes were still red from crying. Now he was sitting inside his car, head rested against the back of his seat. He regretted taking the back roads now, he would’ve already been helped by now if he had just stuck to the highways. But no, he just had to get away from the traffic. He was just about to give up hope of rescue when a pair of headlights illuminated his mirrors. He quickly got out of his car, and stood at the side of the road, waving his arms.
The truck slowed down when it got closer to him, and rolled down its window. Chanyeol could make out the shape of a young man in the driver’s seat.
“You need some help?” The driver asked.
“Please,” Chanyeol half begged. “My car broke down and my phone has no service. You’re the first person I’ve seen for hours.”
“You’ve just been sitting here?” The man asked.
Chanyeol nodded his head.
“I’m guessing you didn’t realize that the next town was literally only a mile away, huh?”
Chanyeol wanted to scream. He could’ve just walked alongside the road for a mile and reached civilization? He could’ve avoided his entire breakdown. It was about time he had it, but still.
The man chuckled at Chanyeol’s silence. “Well, now you know. You want a ride? Or would you rather walk the mile?”
“I’ll take the ride, thanks.”
Chanyeol opened the passenger door and climbed in. “I’m Chanyeol, by the way. Please don’t murder me.”
“I’m Junmyeon.” The man introduced himself. “And I’ll try not to. No promises, though.”
Chanyeol caught the man, Junmyeon, grin, and let himself relax. It was a short ride into the smallest town Chanyeol had ever been in.
“Oh,” Junmyeon said, “We don’t have a hotel, but you’re more than welcome to crash on my couch if you want. If you don’t, there’s a place about 45 minutes out that has a motel, I can drive you there if you’d be more comfortable.”
Chanyeol considered it, but he was no stranger to sleeping on a couch, and Junmyeon seemed like a decent enough guy. He ignored Kyungsoo’s voice in his head warning him about weird strangers.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Your couch will be fine, unless you’d rather not have a random stranger in your house.”
“Let’s just agree to not murder the other and we’ll be good. What do you say?”
“Sounds good to me. Thanks.”
“It’s no problem.” Junmyeon says as he pulls the truck into a long driveway.
The house isn’t very big, but it has that small town charm to it. Or at least Chanyeol thinks it does. He follows Junmyeon inside, awkwardly hovering before Junmyeon motions him to the living room. The couch is small, definitely too small for Chanyeol’s large frame, but he can’t complain. Junmyeon leaves the room, and Chanyeol shuffles his feet, unsure of what to do. Junmyeon comes back with an extra blanket and pillow and places them on the couch.
“The bathroom is down the hall, first door on the right. There might be an extra toothbrush under the sink.” Junmyeon points towards the direction of the bathroom. “I can drive you to the mechanic in the morning. She can drive out to your car and tow it into town. If you need anything, my room is the one across from the bathroom. Just knock.”
Chanyeol is about to say thanks when a loud rumble fills the room. He grabs his stomach in embarrassment. He had forgotten he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch.
“Oh, I guess you haven’t had dinner yet?” Junmyeon asks.
Chanyeol scratches the back of his head. “Well, I was kind of stuck on the side of the road during dinner time.”
Junmyeon laughs and leads Chanyeol into the kitchen. He rummages around in the fridge for a bit before pulling out some tupperware containers.
“I’ve got these leftovers.” Junmyeon says. “Help yourself to whatever.” He pulls out a plate and fork, placing them on the counter next to the dishes.
“Thanks.” Chanyeol says, opening the containers to see what they hold.
He decides on some leftover alfredo, and heats it in the microwave. Junmyeon ends up getting his own plate and reheats some chicken.
“You can sit down, you know. The table won’t bite.” Junmyeon teases.
Chanyeol quickly sits down, and Junmyeon joins him once his food is reheated. They eat in silence for a while, but soon enough Chanyeol starts up his usual random chatter. Even though Junmyeon doesn’t ask, Chanyeol tells him about his trip and a little bit about his music. Junmyeon doesn’t share much about himself, not that Chanyeol really gave him a chance anyway. Chanyeol finds that Junmyeon is a little like Kyungsoo in the conversation department - more than willing to let Chanyeol do the bulk of the talking. Soon enough, both of them had finished their meals and retired to their respective rooms. Legs hanging off the side of the couch, Chanyeol forced himself to sleep.
Chanyeol woke up the next morning to the sound of a rooster crowing. He was momentarily confused as to why half of his body was dangling off an unfamiliar couch before remembering the events of the previous day. He slowly sits up and yawns, tries to check his phone for the time only to find it dead. He doesn’t see nor hear any sign of Junmyeon and assumes he’s still sleeping. After a trip to the bathroom, Chanyeol shuffles his way into the kitchen, surprised to see the clock on the stove read 7am. Chanyeol can’t remember the last time he willingly woke up this early.
He feels a little awkward about going through somebody’s kitchen when he doesn’t even really know them, but Junmyeon had said to help himself, and Chanyeol really wanted some eggs. It was easy enough to find the eggs and frying pan, and in no time Chanyeol had a plate of scrambled eggs. They weren’t as good as Kyungsoo’s but they were good enough. He was washing his plate when Junmyeon walked out of his room and into the kitchen. He jumped a little when he saw Chanyeol.
“Oh, good morning,” he said, “I didn’t think you would be up yet.”
“Yeah, I think a rooster or something woke me up?” Chanyeol explained.
Junmyeon nodded in understanding. “Ah. That would be Baekhyun. You learn to tune him out.”
“You have a rooster named Baekhyun?”
“Yeah.” Junmyeon said offering no further explanation.
“Okay then.” Chanyeol said, resuming his plate washing. “I made eggs by the way. There’s still some left.”
After Junmyeon had helped himself to some eggs, he took Chanyeol to the mechanic. It was a short drive (Chanyeol figured everything in town was a short drive). The place wasn’t much to look at, the building was covered in cracked and fading paint and old beat up cars were scattered over the premises. They headed inside, and it wasn’t any fancier than the outside.
“Hey, Ma!” Junmyeon yelled out, and Chanyeol jumped at the sudden noise.
A stocky woman came out from a back door, wiping her hands on a dirty rag.
“Junmyeon!” She smiled warmly. “Who’s this?”
“This is Chanyeol. His car broke down a mile out of town last night, and he would very much like for you to fix it.” Junmyeon said.
Chanyeol stuck out his hand for the woman to shake. “Hi. Yes, I’m Chanyeol. It would be great if you could fix my car. Please.”
The woman laughed and shook Chanyeol’s hand. Hers were much rougher than his, and he felt a little intimidated by the strong grip.
“I’m Jo. And don’t worry, there’s nothing I can’t fix. Now where’s your car?”
Junmyeon gave her the directions, and soon enough she was back, Chanyeol’s car in tow. He briefly explained what had happened, not giving much because he didn’t really know what happened. All he heard was a weird sound from his engine area and then it was dead. Jo told him not to worry, that she would find the problem in no time. Not having anything else to do until she was finished, Chanyeol meandered around the office. Junmyeon joined him a few minutes later.
“Usually I would help her out, but she told me to be a good host and keep you company.” Junmyeon said.
“So is that your mom?” Chanyeol asked.
“No. I just call the mechanic ‘Ma’ because I feel like it.” Junmyeon deadpanned. Chanyeol stared at him, not really sure if he was serious or not. “Yes, she’s my mom.” Junmyeon laughed.
“Oh. That’s cool.”
“I guess?” Junmyeon said. “Anway, there’s not much to do around here unless you want to travel almost an hour into town.”
“That’s fine. Really I’m okay to just sit and wait until your mom is done.” Chanyeol reassured him.
“Who knows when she’ll be done. You can come run errands with me. It’s not too exciting, but it beats just sitting here twiddling your thumbs.”
Junmyeon left no room for argument, so Chanyeol was forced into following him back into his truck. Errands turned out to be some grocery shopping, buying chicken feed, going to the post office, and gassing up Junmyeon’ truck. It was all very simple, yet Chanyeol didn’t mind. He found Junmyeon to be decent company when they weren’t acting like the random strangers they were.
After being out and about, Junmyeon pulled into his driveway, but was blocked by two chickens. Chanyeol figured they were who the chicken feed was for. Junmyeon honked the truck horn, and they scattered off the gravel and into the grass.
“Always in my way,” Junmyeon mumbled under his breath.
“They’re yours I’m guessing?” Chanyeol asked.
“Yep. Patricia and Susan. My two hens.”
“So you have Baekhyun the rooster and Patricia and Susan the hens?”
“Yeah. The girls laid the eggs you ate this morning.”
“I see.”
Chanyeol didn’t understand Kansas. Or maybe it was just Junmyeon that was weird. Either way, Chanyeol couldn’t wait to get out of here and into proper civilization.
Two hours passed with Junmyeon working on some things around the house and Chanyeol finally charging his phone and messing around on it, not knowing what else to do. Chanyeol was entertaining the thought of calling Kyungsoo just to annoy him when Junmyeon entered the living room, hanging up his phone.
“That was my mom. Good news: she found what was wrong and can fix it.”
Chanyeol slumped on the couch. “I’m sensing a bad news.”
“Bad news is that she has to order the part that busted and it’ll take at least three days to get in.”
Chanyeol sighed. Of course this would happen to him.
“Sorry, man. You’re more than welcome to stay here until it’s fixed.”
Chanyeol decided to take Junmyeon up on his offer. It was easier and cheaper to just stay here than travel all the way to the next city. Junmyeon wasn’t too bad of a guy, and while his couch was small, it wasn’t all that uncomfortable. It’s not like he would be staying a week or anything. Only a few days.
Junmyeon made dinner for them, and Chanyeol learned a little bit more about the man who’s couch he was commandeering. Turns out, Junmyeon studied music for bit in college, and they quickly bonded over different artists and genres. The conversation flowed easily. It was like the original awkwardness had never existed.
The next few days, Chanyeol tagged along wherever Junmyeon went. He worked a lot of odd jobs, and Chanyeol found himself helping out more than once. Chanyeol considered his labor payment for being given a place to stay, though Junmyeon insisted Chanyeol didn’t owe him anything. They ate their meals together, and Chanyeol was surprised at how quickly they got along. Chanyeol was a friendly person, but even still, he felt like he’d been friends with Junmyeon for years and not that he just met him days ago.
Chanyeol knew his car was closer to being fixed, and he couldn’t help but feel that he would miss Junmyeon when he left.
Someone must have heard Chanyeol’s thoughts because the next day Jo called him to tell him that his part got lost in the mail and she would have to order a new one, pushing his car repairs back for another four days. He didn’t know whether or not he was upset about that.
When he told Junmyeon, Junmyeon had jokingly said that he should start charging Chanyeol rent.
“Seriously, I really can pay you.” Chanyeol replied. “I feel bad for eating your food and stuff.”
“I mean, if you want, you can contribute to my ‘get out of Dodge’ fund.” Junmyeon said only half serious.
“Your what?”
“My ‘get out of Dodge’ fund. It’s a savings account I have. I put money in it in hopes that one day I will get to leave this state and have fun.” Junmyeon explained. “I don’t hate it here, but, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, there’s jackshit to do. I wanna travel. Like you.”
“Ahh,” Chanyeol hummed in understanding. “Maybe not completely like me, though.” He admitted.
“What do you mean?”
Chanyeol froze in place. He probably shouldn’t have said anything. He shouldn’t unload his life’s story onto Junmyeon. He just met the man for crying out loud. Yet, there was something about Junmyeon that made Chanyeol feel like he could share.
“Well, you see, this whole thing is like a journey of self discovery kind of bullshit because my boyfriend of four years broke up with me. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t an asshole about it, and looking back I don’t hate him or anything and I can see where he was coming from, but also that shit hurted.”
“Oh damn.” Junmyeon said, not knowing what else to say.
“Yeah so I kind of couldn’t take being in the same city as him so I stayed with my friend for a while and then decided to do this whole cross country travel thing as a way to find myself and move on, and I think it’s working because I’m feeling much better now.” Chanyeol gave a firm nod at his own words.
“Well, that’s good?”
“Yes. It is.” Chanyeol began to feel sheepish as he came out of his rant. “Oh, uh, sorry for unloading all of that on you.” He scratched at his neck.
Junmyeon waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m glad you’re better now.”
“Thanks. I mean it.”
“I guess now I know the reason you were crying when I picked you up.” Junmyeon said. “I didn’t want to say anything, but this explains it.”
Chanyeol blanches. He didn’t know Junmyeon knew he had been crying. Junmyeon chuckled at the look on Chanyeol’s face.
“The corn always makes people realize things about themselves.”
Chanyeol doesn’t think he’ll ever understand Kansas or its people.
Turns out, it’s not just Junmyeon that’s weird. It’s all Kansans. The people Chanyeol meets as he helps Junmyeon with his jobs are just as odd about corn and chickens as Junmyeon is. He figures there’s not much else to do out here except focus on those things. Nevertheless, Chanyeol begins to realize that Junmyeon is more than just a strange guy who has three chickens. The forced proximity makes them talk a lot, and Junmyeon isn’t actually like Kyungsoo in conversation at all. He just had to open up first. Junmyeon doesn’t talk as much as Chanyeol, but then again, nobody does.
Chanyeol was growing steadily more attached to Junmyeon. He was inexplicably drawn to him. Every day he spent with him just strengthened the growing bond. Chanyeol was pretty sure the fast paced friendship was mutual. Junmyeon didn’t seem like the type to open up around people he didn’t like. Or at least that’s what Chanyeol assumed.
The days passed by quickly, most days Chanyeol was in Junmyeon’ company from sunup to sundown. He had gotten used to being around Junmyeon.
Chanyeol had gotten a call one morning informing him that his car would be ready to go the next day. Before he could stop himself or think further about his decision, he was asking Junmyeon if he wanted to go to Chicago with him. Junmyeon had stopped midchew. Maybe Chanyeol should’ve waited until they were finished with lunch.
“You want me to go to Chicago with you?” Junmyeon asked after swallowing.
“Only if you want to.” Chanyeol said. “I know you want to travel, and have your savings, and I can pay for the hotel and stuff as thank you for housing me for the past week.”
“You’d really be okay with me tagging along? We haven’t even known each other for that long.”
“I know. Call me crazy, but I’d like having you around.”
Junmyeon narrowed his eyes. “You aren’t just using me as a crutch so you don’t have to be alone again are you?”
Chanyeol scoffed. “Why do you sound exactly like Kyungsoo?”
“Who’s Kyungsoo?”
“Someone I hope you never meet.”
Silence settled over the table, and Chanyeol almost regretted asking in the first place. Why would Junmyeon want to travel to another city with a guy he barely knew?
“You know what,” Junmyeon said, “Fuck it.”
“Huh?”
“Fuck it. I’ll come with you. When am I gonna get another chance like this?”
Chanyeol couldn’t help how wide his eyes got. “Really?”
“Yeah. I can have my moms take care of the chickens. They’ll hardly notice an extra three.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” Junmyeon said. “Let’s fucking go to Chicago.”
Chanyeol smiled. “Let’s go to Chicago.”
41.8781° N, 87.6298° W
Chicago, IL
Junmyeon packed a suitcase and loaded it into the car next to Chanyeol’s. All that was left to do was load themselves in and drive off. Which is precisely what they did. Thanks to Jo, Chanyeol’s car was running smoother than he thought possible, and it wasn’t long until they were cruising along the highway. Chanyeol had refused to take Junmyeon’s backroad suggestions. Chanyeol had his classic road trip playlist on, and soon enough, Junmyeon’s voice joined Chanyeol’s. It made Chanyeol happy to have someone to harmonize with.
The long ride was definitely more lively and entertaining with Junmyeon on board. Every time they passed a strange sign, Junmyeon pointed it out and made a bad joke about it. Chanyeol didn’t know a single state could have so many signs condemning people to Hell. His favorites though were the adult store billboard’s that had truly terrible euphemisms.
In between car karaoke and sign reading, Chanyeol and Junmyeon had uninterrupted hours of just talking. They didn’t talk the whole thirteen hours, both of them could appreciate the simplicity of riding along in silence, but a good chunk was spent learning more about each other. Chanyeol delved more into his music career, explained how he got to be the producer he is. How he moved up from busking in order to make quick cash to selling Justin a song.
“Justin?”
“Bieber.”
“Wow first name basis, huh? Aren’t you a bigshot.”
Chanyeol really hoped Junmyeon never met Kyungsoo.
Chanyeol learned a fair deal about Junmyeon too. He learned that Junmyeon really wanted to be a writer, but things just didn’t pan out, and it was hard to leave a small town once you were in it. There was just something about it that sucked you in. Junmyeon also told the story of how Baekhyun the rooster came to be. Turns out, Baekhyun was the name of Junmyeon’s college roommate who had a penchant for never shutting up. When Baekhyun (the roommate, not the rooster) found out that Junmyeon was from farmland, he had made Junmyeon swear to adopt a chicken in his honor. So Junmyeon did. Chanyeol admired his commitment.
When they passed the state line out of Kansas, Chanyeol couldn’t help but say, “Looks like we’re not in Kansas anymore.”
“Remember how you asked me to not murder you when we first met?” Junmyeon asked. “I’m going back on my promise. You will die by my hand.”
The tone of Junmyeon’s voice made Chanyeol genuinely fear for his life for a brief moment. Lesson learned: don’t quote the Wizard of Oz to a Kansan.
While the thirteen hour drive seemed long, it actually passed by pretty quickly with Junmyeon’s company. Before either of them knew it, they could see the Chicago skyline, the city lights illuminated against the night sky. While Chanyeol did enjoy the car ride, he couldn’t wait to settle down in the hotel and fall asleep. After checking in, that’s exactly what both of them did.
Both Chanyeol and Junmyeon woke early, and Chanyeol could swear he heard a phantom rooster crow. Junmyeon had looked up what he wanted to do, and their day was packed with activities. Their first stop would be the bean.
“Did you know it’s not actually called the bean?” Junmyeon asked.
“But it looks like a bean.” Chanyeol said. “Everybody calls it the bean. I don’t care what the artist of it says, it’s the bean.”
They took copious amounts of pictures at the bean, embracing their true tourist selves. Junmyeon demanded Chanyeol take multiple pictures of him at different places in the area. Chanyeol requested the same. After they got their fill of pictures, Junmyeon led Chanyeol all over the city to various spots he found. Chanyeol could tell by the way Junmyeon acted that he was excited to be in the city. It was hard to miss the look of childlike wonder in Junmyeon’s eyes as he stared up at the skyscrapers or the bounce in his step as they neared their next destination.
The next day they walked the exhibits of the Art Institute. Chanyeol suggested they play a game of who could find the most works depicting dogs. The number was actually quite high. Chanyeol didn’t think there would be so many dogs in paintings or sculptures. Junmyeon ended up winning the game, and Chanyeol’s competitive spirit was wounded at the loss. He refused to speak to Junmyeon for a whole thirty minutes. They spent hours looking through the works of Monet and van Gogh. Everything they saw was absolutely breathtaking, but Chanyeol felt ripped off by the museum food. Protip: eat out.
After the museum, they went to the Navy Pier. There was some interactive art in the courtyard, and Chanyeol was sure the people passing by were laughing at the two large men furiously peddling to see a picture move. Chanyeol ended up buying even more souvenirs inside, getting the tackiest ones for Kyungsoo. Junmyeon somehow found something with chickens on it and bought it for his moms.
With their bags swinging from their hands, they walked along the pier, looking out over Lake Michigan. Leaning against the railing, all Chanyeol could see was sky and water for miles. It reminded him of the fields in Kansas. That same realization of the vastness of the world overcoming him. He felt Junmyeon’s presence next to him and looked over. His features were contrasted against the open sky and his lips wore a small smile. Junmyeon glanced over at Chanyeol and gave him a full smile.
“This is amazing.”
Chanyeol’s heart did a funny little flip it hadn’t done in a while.
“Yeah, it is.”
Just then, the gray clouds decided to part a little, a piece of blue sky peeking out. The sun stretched its way out of its cloudy confinements and shone on the water, turning it from a muted blue to a sparkling cerulean. Chanyeol wanted to believe it was the universe’s way of telling him it was glad he wasn’t alone in this moment.
They fell into a routine after that. Junmyeon would always plan something out for the day, and Chanyeol would happily follow along. Since Junmyeon planned the activities, Chanyeol was in charge of food. There were so many good places to eat in Chicago. Chanyeol always struggled with choosing, and was pretty sure Junmyeon gave him the job so he wouldn’t have to make the tough decisions. It never mattered where Chanyeol ended up taking them. The food was always good, and the conversation was even better. Chanyeol thought that him and Junmyeon would run out of things to talk about eventually, but they never did. Chanyeol didn’t know if he liked the way he was starting to feel.
After a few days of non stop exploring, both of them were exhausted. They decided to spend the next day simply relaxing at the hotel. Chanyeol had found a movie to watch and was lounging on the couch, absorbed in the action. Junmyeon was in the armchair next to him, doing something on his phone. After a few minutes, Chanyeol could feel a pair of eyes on him. He looked away from the TV screen to find Junmyeon staring at him.
“What?” He asked, suddenly self conscious that there was something on his face leftover from lunch.
“Hm?” Junmyeon hummed, then blinked his eyes as if coming out of a trance. “Oh, sorry, nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Yeah, I was just… thinking.”
Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. “About what?”
“Things.” Junmyeon said, facing the TV, cutting the conversation.
Chanyeol felt like he was missing something obvious.
They ended up extending their stay in Chicago by a couple more days. Junmyeon wanted to do absolutely everything, and Chanyeol wasn’t going to say no. They ended their stay the same way they started it - in Millennium Park. This time, it was dark, and they simply sat on a bench observing the lights of the cars and bustling city.
Junmyeon was the first to break the silence.
“You know, you’re an interesting man, Park Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol tilted his head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Even if I wanted to tell you, I wouldn’t know where to begin.” Junmyeon said, still gazing out over the city.
“Well,” Chanyeol said indignantly, “I could say the same for you, you know.”
Junmyeon gave a cryptic smile. “I’m sure you could.”
They let the sounds of the city fill the empty space.
“So, what’re your plans after this?” Junmyeon asked after a bit.
Chanyeol pursed his lips. “After I take you back, I’m gonna keep going east. I think I wanna go to Tennessee. Memphis and Nashville have some great music history.”
Junmyeon nodded his head. “That sounds fun. I’m sure your music nerd self will love it there.”
Chanyeol lightly pushed Junmyeon’s shoulder. “You’re one to talk, I know you’re almost as nerdy as I am.”
Junmyeon laughed and Chanyeol enjoyed the sound more than the traffic surrounding them.
“Okay, you got me.” Junmyeon conceded. “Now let’s go back to the hotel. I’m ready to sleep.”
They made their way through the streets, lightly teasing and pushing each other the entire way. Chanyeol half hoped the night would never end, and that morning would never come so he could stay in this moment with Junmyeon indefinitely. Unfortunately, the world still moves on no matter what Chanyeol wishes, and they’ve packed up and checked out when the sun rises.
37.2689° N, 99.3268° W
Coldwater, KS
The atmosphere in the car was different on the way back. Chanyeol couldn’t place it, couldn’t tell what had changed. But he knew it wasn’t the same. He felt like he knew, yet at the same time he didn’t. He felt like he was on the verge of a new discovery, only he had no idea what he was discovering, and his navigation wasn’t pointing in the right direction.
Junmyeon still acted the same, still pointed out signs and sang along to the radio. Though sometimes he would become silent, and not in the comfortable way where they both just enjoy the silence. No, this silence felt heavy, like Junmyeon was wanting to say something but wouldn’t allow himself to speak. Chanyeol didn’t know how to interpret that. Didn’t know how to interpret a lot of what Junmyeon did the past couple of days.
Before he could work out whatever was going on, the GPS was directing him into Junmyeon’ driveway. When they stepped out of the car and stretched, Chanyeol somehow felt comforted by the Kansas air. Chicago was great, but after a while Chanyeol had began to feel suffocated by everything around him, and the odd car ride didn’t help to alleviate that. He never thought he would be glad to be among corn.
They had arrived just in time to see the sunset, and Chanyeol drank it in. Nobody ever considered Kansas to be a beautiful state, and to be honest, Chanyeol wouldn’t list it in his top ten either, but it's sunsets were stunning. Chanyeol doesn’t think he would ever be able to get tired of them. Chanyeol was too focused on the horizon to notice Junmyeon staring at him from the porch.
Junmyeon’s moms had put some tupperware containers in the fridge before Junmyeon and Chanyeol had gotten back. The food was heated, and Chanyeol and Junmyeon sat down to eat their last meal together. Chanyeol hated how sorrowful that sounded. They ate in the same silence that hung in the car. Chanyeol rushed his meal just so he could escape it. Next thing Chanyeol knew, he was saying goodnight to Junmyeon and draping his legs over the old couch.
Morning came and Chanyeol woke up to Baekhyun’s crowing. He smiled a little to himself. Soon, he was standing by his car, ready to leave. Junmyeon came out to see him off.
“I hope you have a good time in the rest of your travels, Chanyeol.”
“I’m sure I will.”
“If you’re ever in Kansas again,” Junmyeon said, “you know where to find me.”
Chanyeol couldn’t help the smirk that played on his lips. “Do I just have to click my heels three times?”
Junmyeon stared at him with a dead expression. “Get out of my state right now.”
Chanyeol let out a loud laugh, and Junmyeon couldn’t help but break into a grin too.
“Don’t worry. If I’m ever around, I’ll just follow the sound of Baekhyun’s crow.”
“That’ll work.”
Before Chanyeol could stop himself, he was stepping forward and wrapping Junmyeon in a hug. He just had to. It felt right. He could feel Junmyeon hesitate, and Chanyeol was about to pull away and apologize, but then Junmyeon wrapped his arms around him, and Chanyeol felt his heart skip. He broke the embrace before he could do something stupid like never let go. He awkwardly patted Junmyeon on the shoulder.
“Thank you. For everything. You probably helped me more than you know.” Chanyeol said truthfully.
“I could say the same for you. Now get going, you’re losing daylight.”
“Right,” Chanyeol said, stepping away from Junmyeon and opening the car door. “Bye, Junmyeon.” He said getting behind the wheel.
“Bye, Chanyeol,” Junmyeon said, watching Chanyeol close the door and start the engine.
Chanyeol pulled out of the driveway, and for the first time on his trip, he looked back in the rearview mirror at what he was leaving behind.
35.1495° N, 90.0490° W
Memphis, TN
The drive east seemed to drag on for ages without Junmyeon to keep Chanyeol company. It was only Chanyeol’s voice that sang along to songs, and he had nobody that pointed out interesting things along the road. He didn’t think he would miss Junmyeon’ presence so much, yet here he was.
Chanyeol reached Memphis in the late afternoon, opting to get takeout and simply spend some time in his hotel. He could explore the city in the coming days, see where music history was made. To be honest, Chanyeol was very excited about this stop. He made his whole life about music, and now he would get to experience a huge part of its history firsthand.
The next day, Chanyeol woke early, eager to get into the city. He ended up taking a tour of Graceland and visiting the Rock ‘n’ Soul museum. He’s not ashamed to admit he geeked out at all the music stuff. He couldn’t help it, it was who he was. He couldn’t help himself from wondering what Junmyeon would have thought about the stuff. He liked music almost as much as Chanyeol, and Chanyeol figured Junmyeon would’ve loved it here. He made sure to pick up some souvenirs for him. Later in the evening, Chanyeol wandered down Beale Street, choosing a bar and relaxing into a beer while local artists played. He wondered what Junmyeon’s opinion would be on the band.
Chanyeol only spent a few days in Memphis, quickly running out of things to see. He wanted to hit Nashville next. Despite what the majority of people believed, Chanyeol actually enjoyed country music and it did in fact play a vital role in music history. He couldn’t be in Tennessee and not go.
But it was in the middle of travelling from Memphis to Nashville, after seeing a dumb road sign that Chanyeol finally understood something. The trip wasn’t the same without Junmyeon. Chanyeol knew it wasn’t the same on the way to Memphis, but it was only now that Chanyeol understood that he hated how it was different. He knew that Junmyeon would laugh at the sign with him, would continue to make jokes about it hours after they had passed it, but Junmyeon couldn’t do that because he wasn’t here with Chanyeol. Laughing alone wasn’t as satisfying as laughing with Junmyeon.
It wasn’t that Chanyeol couldn’t stand to be alone anymore. That wasn’t it. Over the weeks, he had learned to appreciate the time with himself, didn’t need to rely on another person to be happy. He had been existing just for himself, and that was enough.
And yet, he couldn’t help but miss Junmyeon. He felt like he shouldn’t. It’s not like they spent a long amount of time together. But Junmyeon was just so strong of a presence, that Chanyeol couldn't help but get attached to it. Chanyeol knew he should just continue on his trip. Forget about the man who was meant to be nothing more than a fleeting moment of Chanyeol’s long journey, but then Chanyeol remembered how off Junmyeon had been in their final days together, and Chanyeol let himself think about what it could’ve meant.
And goddamnit Chanyeol missed Junmyeon. He missed having Junmyeon to share meals with. Missed having Junmyeon laugh at his stupid joke. Simply missed being with him. Chanyeol could continue alone, but he didn’t want to.
Chanyeol had thought that dropping Junmyeon off back in Kansas was the right thing to do. That Chanyeol still needed more time alone on the road to heal or whatever. But Chanyeol realized he already had healed. He healed in the middle of nowhere Kansas when he found himself surrounded by nothing but corn stalks and the universe. He healed in New Mexico with the words of the old motel owner. He healed in the Arizona desert while becoming one with nature as the skies changed above him.
Chanyeol was as okay as he was ever going to be. And now, leaving Junmyeon behind, Chanyeol realized he was simply running away again. Running away before Junmyeon could have the chance to hurt him like Minseok had. But Junmyeon wasn’t Minseok. And nobody, not Chanyeol, not Junmyeon, not the stars themselves knew what the future would hold.
Kyungsoo’s words echoed in Chanyeol’s head, “You’re gonna have to stop running some day.”
Chanyeol turns his car around.
It was time to stop running.