Work Text:
Holy shit.
He stared down at the man who was now slumped against the wall with a bullet hole in his chest. His heart was pounding wildly and sweat was dripping down his face, his body still reacting to the aftermath of his adrenaline rush, but right now the only thing he was paying attention to was the realization roaring into his head.
The chamber with which he had first shot Pusher was the one with the bullet in it. If he had fired at Scully, he would have actually shot her. He might have killed her.
It had been so close. He had been right on the verge of pulling the trigger. A fraction of a second and it would have happened.
If he had shot Scully, if she had died by his hand... he didn't know what he would have done.
Holy fucking shit.
His whole body felt shaky. He sank back down in his chair, his mind reeling.
He heard the sound of Scully's heels on the linoleum. She was standing behind him, a few feet from his chair. He couldn't look at her – if he did he might lose it completely. So, still staring in the opposite direction, he reached out behind him to hand her the gun. She took it from him wordlessly – relieving him of the instrument with which he had almost shot his partner, his best friend, the woman he loved.
He buried his face in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. God, it had been so close. It had been much too close.
He felt her lay her hand on his back, warm and reassuring, but he didn't move. Neither did she. They just stayed there like that for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything.
At last he moved his hands inward so that they were nearly palm-to-palm, covering his nose and mouth but not his eyes. Then he raised his head out of his hands to look up at Scully.
She was looking down at him with solemn concern.
"You okay, Mulder?" she asked softly.
He nodded almost imperceptibly, and rubbed his hands across his face.
She looked at him a moment longer with empathy in her eyes. "Come on," she said, inclining her head slightly toward the door. "Let's get out of here."
He stood, and felt her hand still resting on his back as she led him out of the room.