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Many can say that they're in love with their best friend, especially at Asher's age. It would all start out as project partners or seat buddies on the bus, which grew into sleeping over at each other's houses and hanging out in every class they had together, and inevitably lead to one of them catching feelings. Asher Adams was alike by that standard, realizing that he felt things that were less like friendship and more like love towards his best friend, but he wasn't too worried about it. Unlike Asher, not many can say that their best friend was also in love with them, and they can't say that they caught the other looking at promise rings on several occasions.
Ever since the end of sophomore year when Asher accidentally admitted his feelings to Jordan (under a palm tree at the beach after a team day, face red and heart full of jealousy about Jordan's potential girlfriend), Jordan and Asher had been inseparable. Asher had never found someone who made him feel this way before, like he was floating above the air but also drowning at the same time. Usually, it was a mix of the two, an overwhelming sensation that Asher couldn't get enough of.
It had been weird telling everyone that they were finally together. Asher's dad hadn't taken it well at first, and he was still getting used to it even as it was two years later, but he allowed Asher to bring Jordan over for dinner and caught himself when he subconsciously tried to make rude comments. Jordan's parents and sister had been accepting, but that was definitely a funnier occasion when Jordan finally told them, hand in hand with Asher; Billy was surprised but not upset, and was even worse with his sputtering when he realized his wife and Olivia weren't really shocked. The football team was okay, if not a little over the top, especially when JJ wanted to throw them a party for coming out. Ah, JJ. Never change.
The summer before senior year had been the best one they spent together. Asher's family was slowly but surely managing to get their money back, and his mom had started talking to him again, meaning that Jordan got to see Asher at his most relaxed and happiest. What Asher didn't tell him was that he didn't care about the money and that he was just relieved to have Jordan by his side, but Asher figured he knew already. They spent their days by the pool at either one of their houses, or played video games in Asher's room, which generally didn't last long until it turned into, well...other things.
However, summer couldn't last forever. Soon enough, they were doing back to school shopping and talking about their plans for that year. "I'm just focused on getting into a good school," Asher said, not thinking much about football apart from summer practices. "I already started looking at applications. I guess I can afford it now."
Jordan perused the section of bookbags with his fingertips as they walked through the mall. "This year, the focus is football," Jordan said firmly but calmly, a smile still on his face. "Gotta get recognized. You never know what could happen at this age, right?"
"Right," Asher agreed, if not a little halfheartedly. The truth was, he liked playing football in high school, but now that it wasn't his one ticket out of there and his dad wasn't threatening to toss him out of the house if he didn't play, he was open to broadening his horizons a bit. Jordan could tell anyone first hand how convoluted his first plans to write a book were, the plot all over the place, but he was having fun anyway. "I know you'll get noticed, J. You're too good of a player not to."
"Is that all I am to you? A good player?" Jordan asked, jokingly offended until Asher rolled his eyes and pecked him on the lips. "Mm. Guess I'm a little more than that."
Asher scoffed. "You're a lot more than that, idiot. Are you getting one of these or not, because I'm hungry!"
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Asher didn't forget over the summer how things were in Beverly High. It was always fast-paced even when it shouldn't be, and he usually had a headache by the end of a busy day, and it was proving to be true by December. By the time Christmas break would roll around, Asher was betting on having at least ten migraines by then. He was keeping track.
Being a senior was fun. He got to be at the top of everyone else and make fun of the freshmen just enough that he wasn't considered a bully, all while hanging out with his friends. That was the fun part, since everyone in the beginning of senior year seemed to be all hopped up on the fact that they were almost done school, but it didn't last long.
Eventually, things weren't so calm anymore. Jordan and Asher got together a few times over Christmas break, but as soon as January hit, Asher felt the dynamic change in everyone. He couldn't place what it was, but it was there, like a rift seperating all of them by a few feet that grew every day. He realized that it was about their futures when he found Layla stressed out and half to tears over college pamphlets, telling him that she had no idea what she was going to do after school ended, which made it all kick in for him as well. Even if he'd decided awhile back that he wanted to explore his interest in writing and english a little more, that didn't mean that the ones he cared about had that easy of a time.
Olivia was zapped all the time from trying to fit in a million other extracurriculars into her schedule, Layla was still undecided about her college major or where she wanted to apply to, and Spencer was pushing himself harder in practice than he ever had before. Hell, even JJ wasn't as happy-go-lucky as he used to be, the rare occasions that he wasn't smiling growing less unordinary.
Worst of all was Jordan. Billy was coaching him on the field, but every time he came over to the Bakers' house to hang out, he knew it was going on at home, too. He was exhausted down to his bones, sometimes falling asleep minutes after Asher came over, and had a seemingly permanent worry line between his eyebrows. "You'll get wrinkles if you keep that up, Jords," Asher teased, kneeling on Jordan's bed and raising his thumb to smooth it out. Jordan just cracked a tiny smile and moved away, looking down at his assignment. Asher would be lying if he said that didn't sting.
At that point, they hadn't kissed in a week and a half. They used to be all over each other, pretty much shameless when it came to affection around people they knew or while they were alone. Asher sat back and leaned on his hands, blinking away the heavy feeling pricking the backs of his eyes and swallowed past the lump in his throat. He looked at his hands as Jordan didn't notice at all.
He wondered if Jordan was just not in the mood, or even worse, if he just forgot.
It wasn't like Jordan hadn't forgotten about him before. Just last week, they were supposed to go out, but Jordan picked him up an hour late with a handful of apologies, but Asher had already given up and went to bed. Or two weeks before that, just after January ended when Jordan just didn't remember that Asher made reservations for them, so he'd sat there, stood up at a restaurant while the other people there looked at him pitifully.
He hadn't said anything about it either time, or the ones that followed, but it hurt. Once, Asher was all that Jordan seemed to think about, but now he just felt expendable. Tears gathered at his waterline and Asher resented it. "I think I'm gonna get going," He murmured, picking his bag up off the floor. Jordan looked at the clock.
"What? It's only ten." Asher just shrugged as he put his backpack on, and Jordan started to get up. "Here, can I just finish this chapter and then I'll give you a ride back?"
"It's fine," Asher said, looking towards the door. "Olivia can do it. It's no big." He turned away before Jordan could see the hurt look in his eye, imagining the little nod Jordan did, not noticing that Asher wasn't looking to see it.
He went to Olivia's room, knocking lightly on the door. Olivia already knew it was him, since Jordan normally annoyingly banged on it, so she called him in. "Hey," Asher said quietly, standing in the doorway and looking at the edge of the bed instead of her. "Can I get a ride?"
Olivia seemed confused for a second before she nodded and gave a sympathetic smile. "Sure, just a second." She slipped on her shoes and followed him out the door.
It didn't take long being in Olivia's car for her to ask him questions, something he should have been expecting. Asher and Olivia told each other everything, but Asher hadn't talked to her in awhile. She was just another person too busy. "Is everything okay with you?" She asked as he rested his head against the passenger seat, staring ahead at the dark driveway. He nodded and she started driving, but she wasn't convinced. "There a reason Jordan couldn't drive you home?"
"What, I couldn't just try and catch up with my friend?" Asher laughed off, and was met with a raised eyebrow in response.
"Well, considering you're not talking, I find that hard to believe." Olivia turned a corner and Asher sighed. "Did something happen between you two?"
"No," Asher said, frustrated. "No, we're fine. It's just been a long day for both of us, I think." That didn't answer any of Olivia's real question, but luckily, she let it go.
When she pulled into Asher's driveway two hours before curfew, she sighed and looked at him seriously, hands still on the wheel. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" She reminded, and Asher nodded. "I feel like there's more than what you're letting pass." Asher shook his head, rejecting it, but he didn't get out of the car. Olivia took the hint and turned the already quiet music down a bit, figuring they might be there for awhile. "So...?"
"I don't know," Asher admitted, shaking his head. "It's been weird ever since January. Everyone is so tense and focused, and I just feel like he's..." Asher felt himself getting choked up, and he hated it. "I feel like he's too busy for me now."
Olivia's expression softened. "I'm sorry," She whispered, rubbing his shoulder. "I don't think he's trying to. Maybe you could tell me about it?"
And as much as Asher didn't want to, he remembered what had happened in the three months after winter break. He told her about all of the times Jordan seemed to forget about him entirely, his eyes literally passing over him at times like he had faded into the wall, and how super-focused he was on everything else. "I know that football is his main priority, and it's his dream, but it...it hurts, you know?" Asher asked, sniffling. A tear fell down his cheek and he wanted to kick himself for doing it in front of her. He shouldn't even be telling Jordan's sister of all people about how unhappy he was in his relationship, but the floodgates were open, and she was the only one who had bothered to ask. "And I could kind of get used to it when it was everyone else, but Jordan is one of the most important people in my life, and I love him-" Olivia took in a quiet gasp that he didn't miss at the admission, but he kept going. "So I just don't know what to do now."
She had to think about that. Over the last few weeks, she had seen her brother changing as well. He was snapping at people when he didn't mean to, and was always guilty about it. The night before, he knocked over his glass and Olivia could have sworn he almost cried at it. She'd never seen him so worked up before, and she figured it had something to do with how he was stretching himself thin with everything he was doing. It wasn't just Asher.
"I know," She said, nodding. "You know, I think it's happening with everyone, it's like that with Chris, too, but Jordan has always been kind of a worrier whether he shows it or not. I know that he's worried about getting drafted onto a team once school ends, or getting a good scholarship to a school he doesn't even know what he wants to study at. It's hard being around him sometimes."
"It's not that it's hard," Asher said, looking at the dashboard. They'd been talking for almost an hour out there, and there was no hiding that he had been crying. He flipped the sun visor down and opened the mirror, and sure enough, his eyes were shiny and red. He had never been good at hiding tears, after all, especially when they really needed to come out. "I like spending time with him, of course, but I just wish I wasn't such an afterthought. As selfish as that seems."
"It's not selfish," She argued. "I promise it's not. He's been difficult lately, and it's not your fault. You just have to remember that he l- cares so much about you," Olivia reassured, catching herself before she could say the 'L' word. "I'm sure this will all blow over soon enough. Just...don't give up on him, okay?"
Asher took that as his cue to leave the car. "Thanks, Liv," He said, sniffling again. "I'll see you on Monday."
That night, he took the stairs one by one instead of two at a time, slowly and tiredly.
__
The Adams residence barely ever had visitors, one of the main reasons being that Harold tended not to let people in past the security gate, but the doorbell rang at ten thirty in the morning. Asher had just gotten himself dressed when Harold called him downstairs, and he was more than a little surprised when he found his boyfriend out on the front steps.
"Oh," He said, taken aback. One side of Jordan's mouth quirked up in the tiniest little smile he'd ever seen on him, and his brown eyes looked sad. "Hey, I wasn't expecting you."
"Can we talk?" Jordan asked right off the bat, and dread immediately began to settle in the pit of Asher's stomach. There it was.
Out of everything that could have happened with them, Asher didn't think that a breakup would have happened this soon. He had assumed that they had at least until June, maybe if they were lucky, September, before Jordan got tired of him, but as he stepped out on the porch, he couldn't help but think that his day had come. "Y-yeah," Asher said, fighting to keep his voice steady and failing.
Jordan looked like he didn't quite know where to begin, the two of them standing three feet apart. He balled his hands and thrust them into his pockets. "So I was interrupted in my studying last night by Olivia," He started. Some of the dread in Asher's body let up and was replaced by more for a different reason, and he silently groaned. Damn Olivia. "She shut my book on me and told me to quote, 'wake the hell up.'"
"Jordan..."
"Just," Jordan said, raising a hand. He took a deep breath. "Let me talk, okay? Because I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get this out again." Asher felt the familiar feeling of tears in his eyes, and it was clear that Jordan was about the same. "She told me that she drove you home because you thought I was too busy for you, and that you cried."
Asher kicked at a leaf on the porch. "Wow, she really laid all my business out on the line like that, huh?" He laughed dryly and quietly, not meeting Jordan's eyes.
"Ash..." Jordan sighed. "I want you to know that I'm never going to be too busy for you. Sure, things have been stressful lately, and I've been busy, but you've gotta know that!"
"But you keep..." Asher swallowed. "You keep forgetting about me."
A flash of hurt and deeper sadness came over Jordan's eyes, and it made Asher feel sick. "I know," He whispered. "And I'm sorry. I don't mean to, and it kills me that I keep doing it. I've just been running myself so ragged lately that I didn't even notice it, and I didn't even realize I was letting you fall to the side."
"Really, it's okay," Asher said, raising his chin and putting a hand on Jordan's arm. "I know how important your future in football is to you. It's what you've been working for your entire life, and if it means I have to step back and let you do it...then it's fine. I can't hold you back from that." Jordan looked at him, aghast. Asher wasn't prepared for what he was about to say next, let alone actually doing it, but he managed to choke his words out. "So if it means we have to take a break while you focus, then I'll do it."
This time, Jordan physically recoiled, and Asher was scared he'd done something wrong. "I-is that what you want?" Jordan asked, sounding both weak, serious, and completely panicked at the same time. Asher opened his mouth, but no words came out. "Because that's not what I want. That's not what I want at all. Asher-" Jordan's words stopped, and he took another breath. His hands dropped out of his pockets and reached for Asher's instead. "No matter what you think is going on, our relationship is the most important thing in my life." Jordan bit his lip, and Asher's breath caught in his throat. "Because I love you. I've always loved you and I always will, and you're way more important than football."
Asher almost couldn't say it back, and he could feel the grip Jordan had on his hands tighten and the worry in his eyes grow stronger with each moment that passed. "I-I-Love you too!" He finally shot out, more of a yell than anything. Jordan just about melted with relief, and Asher finally smiled. "Jesus, I thought you pulled me out here to break up with me. Shit, I love you."
Jordan just shook his head with a groan and a smile, pulling him in for a tight hug. "You think I'm stupid enough to let you go?" He asked incredulously, grinning wider as he felt Asher nuzzling into the hoodie on his chest. "I might not be the brightest, but it would take more than me to break up with someone like you."
Asher pulled away first to stand on his tiptoes to kiss him, the first time in too long. He barely reached, so Jordan wrapped his arms around his middle to pull him up a little, and it seemed like the taller boy had realized it as well. "Well," He sighed. "That puts a lot of my fears to rest."
Jordan chuckled. "I am so, so sorry for not paying attention to you," he apologized again, but Asher shook it off. He'd forgiven him a long time ago. He watched as Jordan reached into his pocket, and his eyes widened when he saw what he was carrying with him. "I, um," Jordan started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. He blushed, and Asher was somehow even more gone on him. "I didn't really know when I wanted to give you this, or if you would even want one, but I know you saw me looking at them, and this seemed like as good of a time as ever."
He held two gold rings up, sparkling in the light. Asher beamed, biting his bottom lip. "I didn't think you actually bought them," He said, looking at them with admiration. Jordan laughed.
"Well, I did, because I'm, well, I'm over-the-top with that. I don't know if I'm supposed to have some kind of speech planned for this, and I really hope there's not supposed to be some kind of ceremony that we're skipping..."
"There's not," Asher snorted, dropping his head to Jordan's chest and laughing. Jordan shushed him.
"Come on, I'm trying to be serious here!" He groan-laughed, and Asher made the motion of zipping his lips. Jordan cleared his throat. "Now, I know we're only, like, seventeen so we can't do anything about this yet, and we should give it some time, but I don't have any doubt, Asher Adams, that I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Asher was holding back his tears again, but for a different reason that time. "So I guess the ring is just proof of that. And you can remember that yeah, even when I'm being kind of a shitty boyfriend, that I do love you and I think about you all the time."
Asher, if it was even possible, smiled even bigger. "Yes," He said, to what statement in particular neither knew, but they were ecstatic anyway. They stood for a second, just staring at each other, before Asher's eyes flicked to the rings held between two fingers and raised his eyebrow. "Well? You gonna put one on me?"
"Oh! Oh, yeah," Jordan mumbled, scrambling to fit the smaller one on Asher's ring finger. Asher put the other one on Jordan's shakily, not afraid, but still overwhelmed.
As soon as the rings were on, Asher's arm was thrown around Jordan's neck with his other hand on his hip, and Jordan was pulling him in closer.
They kissed on the front porch, neighbors and responsibilities be damned; they had exactly what they needed right there with them.