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“So you just want to be friends.”
That's what Jeremy will say. It won’t really be a question at all. His voice will be low, flat, and he’ll look down, his curls falling into his face.
Christine has seen that look once before. It makes her heart thud to remember Jeremy’s quiet tone when he told Christine he liked her that way. She’d do anything to keep Jeremy from looking like that again, quiet, exposed, and fragile.
And it’s not like she hates kissing or, or touching or sex (it makes her blush just to think about it), or anything! It’s not like she thinks it’s gross, not like when she thinks about doing the same things with anyone else. It’s nice, even, some of it. Having someone else’s tongue in her mouth is weird, but she likes kissing without tongues. And Jeremy’s hands and fingers and lips feel good, even in places Christine never imagined having someone’s lips be before.
But that’s just it. She didn’t imagine it. She doesn’t, still. Jeremy had told her once before, whispered in her ear with his hand in Christine’s own, all the things he’s thought about. What they’ll do together when they’re both ready.
Christine tried it once, fantasising. She closed her eyes and pulled the blankets up under her chin and made herself comfy. She thought about what they’ll do someday, what it will feel like when they have sex, but at some point her mind wandered and she started thinking instead about their first time at the movies, holding Jeremy’s hand in the dark and blushing when he timidly wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
Thinking about sex makes her blush, but it’s thinking about holding Jeremy’s hand that makes her heart ache with longing. Her arms feel empty without Jeremy to hold, but not the way Jeremy wants to hold her.
Someday maybe Christine will tell him.
Someday when it’s been long enough that Jeremy will believe her when she says it doesn’t mean she just wants to be friends.
She doesn’t want to just be friends. She can’t. The very thought brings tears to her eyes, leaves her feeling shattered.
But she is a good actress, everyone says so, and someday the time will be right.
Someday.