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The night air was calming as usual as Hawks sat on the roof of his apartment complex, his wings outstretched and moonlight pouring over his pale and petite frame. The breeze that toyed with his ash blond locks of hair was cold and gentle as if saying, I know what you’ve done, let me take it all away. It was moments like these where he truly took a look inside himself and wondered if he was where he needed to be, if this career was the one he was meant to have for his whole life.
He knew the skies like a civilian knew the streets, navigating by the appearances of roofs instead of familiar storefronts and signs. From his current perch, he looked out among the tops of skyscrapers and city lights he knew all too well, he could pinpoint every place he had stopped a bank robbery at, all the buildings he had attended business meetings in, and each alleyway he had been pulled into and had a kiss stolen from him by the fiery villain he had grown so fond of. The memories made him sigh, both in frustration and reminiscence, he hated this was what his career had come to.
Once he was an orphan kid aspiring to be like Endeavor and the other top pro heroes he idolized, now he had finally achieved his dream only to be tossed around like a child would a toy. His agency would come to him with new items to put on his schedule, more interviews, more photo shoots, the occasional fan meetup if he had the time. It felt as though he was nothing more than a pretty face for the public to look at, eye candy for his employers. When was he actually going to get some real hero work done around here?
His double agent mission had been thrown away by the hero personally after his and Dabi’s relationship progressed from casual flirting to something more, he spilled everything to the villain and swore to drop the mission entirely. He did what he could to get away from it, but legally there were still a few issues. Instead of complying with the officials and continuing to gather information about the league to give them, he played the dumb blond, just like every other pro accused him of being. He’d report no new activity, no information on any of the member’s lives or backgrounds, essentially failing the mission entirely.
Was it a wise choice? No, and Hawks knew that, he was going to be Icarus in his own story and Dabi would be his sun. If this was what burning felt like, the heated stares and passionate kissing between the two of them while his career slowly fell out from under his feet, he didn’t think it was all that bad.
However, the moral in him still screamed to overthrow the league from the inside out, to run far away from Dabi before he became addicted to the man like a drug. His mind was always at war, and when the stillness and quiet hum of the night was all there was around him, it was easy to get lost in his thoughts.
A buzzing from his coat pocket pulled him back into reality, retrieving his phone to answer the call, he saw the caller ID and couldn’t help but let a smile tug on the corners of his lips.
“What do you need, Hot Stuff?”
“Bored,” a husky voice answered through the phone. “What are you doing right now?”
“Drowning in self hatred and sitting on my roof, why do you ask?” Hawks’ tone was light but his words were serious, he suspected Dabi knew that. Their whole relationship depended on reading between the lines, taking jokes seriously and listening for a deeper meaning when something seemed off.
There was a slight pause, maybe a huff of air on the villains end, “I’m coming over then, I’ll bring beer.”
As expected, Dabi understood. He was grateful he would have company soon and alcohol as well, he could really use a drink right now. “You better not, you know I how much I hate it.”
“Vodka?”
“Straight? No thanks.”
“Whiskey?” Dabi sounded annoyed by now, and the tone brought a coy smile to Hawks’ face.
“Fine,” he agreed finally.
Dabi gave him a pleased hum, already going to the kitchen to grab the drinks he would take with him, “I’ll be over soon.”
Then he hung up, never one for goodbyes, Hawks laughed. He had no clue how he had gotten himself so deep into this mess, he was beyond the point of caring now. He cared about his career, his reputation as a hero, but his relationship with Dabi was one thing he didn’t care what people thought about. If his villain boyfriend was going to bring him alcohol and kiss him senseless on his rooftop then so what, it was his life and his choices, nobody would tell him what to do with his relationship.
Fifteen minutes had passed by the time he heard footsteps climbing up the fire escape, echoing quiet enough to not wake the neighbors downstairs. Soon, there was a warm presence behind him and a bottle of whiskey being shoved into his hands.
“There you go, pretty bird, since you’re so picky.” Dabi took a seat next to Hawks, their thighs touching and legs hanging off of the roof.
Hawks removed the cap, taking a quick drink of the beverage from the bottle, enjoying the burn in his throat as he passed it back to Dabi. Even with the welcome distraction, his mind was still incredibly loud, and he found himself tuning in to his thoughts more than the other person with him. He knew obviously the whiskey wouldn’t set in for a little while and especially not just one shot’s worth of it, but he could have high hoped if he wanted to.
“What’s got you to shut up tonight?”
The question was simple but his answer wouldn’t be, he didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling. Proud but guilty, dirty but on fire with passion, rebellious yet burdened by what he has done. He thought about the words forming on his tongue but none seemed like the right ones, it only upset him more that he couldn’t convey those emotions swimming around in his head.
“I don’t know,” he replied flatly, directing his attention to something else besides the inevitability of the situation. The bottle was back in his hands again and he was drinking from it before he even made the conscious decision to, almost like his brain was on autopilot.
A hand rested on his cheek and turned his head, then a cool pair of lips were colliding with his smoothly. His wings ruffled behind him as he melted into the kiss, pressing forward and letting the other man have control of him for the moment. He felt Dabi’s teeth nip and tug on his lip, opening his mouth the slightest for his boyfriend to tease with his tongue. They both tasted like whiskey and Hawks felt like he could get drunk doing this, if only Dabi hadn’t pulled away so soon.
He sighed, “I hate this.” Dabi gave him a puzzled look, obviously confused by the statement, so Hawks explained further, “My job, what I’ve done, I’m everything I never wanted to be.”
“If you didn’t want me all you had to do was-” The black haired man started solemnly, only to be cut off quickly.
“The only thing I don’t regret is you, don’t ever think you don’t mean the world to me.”
“Don’t scare me like that,” Dabi said in a tone that was more harsh than caring, but they both knew his words held no venom.
“I’m frustrated with my job, the agency. I want to help people but the system is getting so fucking corrupt that I feel like I’m the villain sometimes. I’ve always wanted to be someone that people could count on and love for being an admirable hero, but nothing I’ve done feels like I’m being a hero at all, I was better off at the lower ranks than I am at number two. I just want to get away from it all for once, I can’t be the only one who feels like that.”
An understanding silence washed over the two of them as they contemplated everything that had just been said, and they both took another drink from the bottle. Hawks was starting to feel a buzz now and it definitely helped with his overwhelming thoughts and emotions, the temporary numbness was welcome for tonight.
Dabi had never been good with words, instead he wrapped an arm around Hawks’ waist and pulled him close, breathing in his scent. He felt the hero’s weight against him, body relaxed and calm as if nothing was bothering him, that must’ve been the alcohol.
“You gotta let this shit out more often, birdy. You’re tearing yourself apart keeping it all to yourself.”
“Isn’t that what you always do though?” Hawk’s nuzzled into the crook of Dabi’s neck, cooing contently in the back of his throat, a habit and product of his quirk.
He sighed running his fingers through soft, crimson feathers, “Doesn’t mean you should do it too, learn from my mistakes, dumbass.”
“Mm whatever.” Dabi felt a few light kisses on his neck. “Come inside with me, stay the night.”
“Are you sober enough to think that decision through?” He asked with a smirk, standing up and pulling Hawks with him.
“Are you?”
“Touche.”
The couple did end up making their way inside the apartment, collapsing on the couch one on top of another. Hawks propped himself up on Dabi’s chest, smiling down at him fondly. Leaning forward, he kissed him messily, all tongue and open mouthed.
“God you’re a bad kisser when you’re drunk,” Dabi complained, laughing as he took control of the kiss to try and salvage it.
“Not drunk,” came a mumbled reply against his lips, muffled by their kiss.
They separated, both giggling like little kids in each others arms, acknowledging that they maybe were a little bit more than tipsy, but damn did it feel good to laugh that night. They stayed like that, giddy and happy from both the alcohol and each other, kissing lazily and teasing each other in a way that was special in their relationship.
Hawks swore he loved this man, the months they had been together had been the best he’d ever had. He wouldn’t say it out loud yet, he thought it might be too early to confess such strong feelings, but he sure hoped that Dabi knew how much he cared about him.
Meanwhile, Dabi wasn’t sure what love felt like, but he was almost positive that this was as close to it as he would ever get. He’d never forgive himself if he gave this up for anything, if he ever gave Hawks up for anything. They were complete opposites in certain areas of their life, but that never mattered to him anyways.
“Thank you,” Hawks said after they had both calmed down and relaxed into the furniture. Dabi only hummed in response, but it was confirmation he knew what the blond intended those words to mean.
“Get some sleep babe, you need it.” He felt the head on his chest nod slowly, and smiled at the man.
Hawks had his wings covering them like a blanket, outstretched and lazily draped over their bodies and the couch, Dabi’s natural body heat creating the perfect warmth for them to fall asleep in. It wouldn’t take long either, they always seemed to sleep better like this, with each other.
Perhaps it would be like this forever, they could only hope.