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It was a beautiful wedding. Ed knew that, and he was very happy for his brother. He smiled whenever he saw Al’s grinning face, knowing he had found the perfect companion for the remaining of his life. Winry was beautiful, glowing, in her pure white dress and partially braided hair. She looked like a true fairy, and she looked just as happy as Al looked.
Ed was truly, genuinely happy for them.
But that did not mean that he was not aware that this was an end of an era. His little brother, that he spent almost his entire life taking care of, did not need him any longer. It was a good thing, he knew it; but it didn’t make it any easier to accept that his sole purpose in life was no longer relevant. Especially since he lacked a new one, with his alchemy gone.
It wasn’t that they didn’t do their very best to include him. Both Al and Winry knew that Ed was never really good at the socializing part, and even though both he and Al were away for most of their teenage years, it was Ed who traveled longer and didn’t find himself back in Resenbool. He kept moving around and never managed to make any actual friends. Sure, he knew most of the people at the wedding, and they all congratulated him as the groom’s brother. Old school-mates, people he used to know, but now were nothing more than people he’d politely wave hello to and move on. There was no use to talk about a partner, either.
Ed had bloomed late, as he spent the peak of his puberty caring for his little brother and fighting to save the world. When he started thinking about such things, he realized that unlike the people around him, he didn’t seem to care for this sort of stuff that much. There was only one person he found himself thinking about in that couple-y sense, and even then, he knew no relationship can come out of it. He also realized, at that time, that if he were ever to have such feelings towards anyone, it is much more likely to be a man, rather than a woman. He tried acting more like his peers, seeking a night’s adventure, but it always left him feeling empty, like each man who’s invitation he accepted tore another void in him. Eventually, he stopped altogether, and came into terms with knowing he most likely spend his life alone.
Al and Winry both came over to him every now and then, dragged him away from his bar stool and his bourbon to the dance floor; and he complied every time, but they had other guests to tend to. Easy going Al couldn’t spend his wedding taking care of his socially incapable brother, and Ed wasn’t going to let him do that. But them, together or separately, coming over every now and then didn’t take from his feeling of loneliness. Of being in a bright room, full of happy, dancing people, and knowing that he did not belong, and that the one place he belonged in was now no longer his.
He watched the dance floor. Always busy, always colorful and loud. The band Al and Winry chose was very good at what they were doing and kept the guests dancing. The music kept changing, but was kept upbeat. He watched Winry dancing in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by friends; and Alphonse surrounded by another group, ‘stolen’ by a bunch of his university friend, who Ed recognized only because most of the times he visited Al and Winry at least one of them was also at the house most of the evening.
He smiled weakly to himself, happy to see his brother surrounded by people who loved him, but at the same time unable to not feel a sting that he could not fit in. His empty glass was replaced by another, the bartender already giving him his usual drink with an understanding smile. He then tended to another guest, leaving Ed to consume his drink on his own.
The song ended, leaving barely a second before the next one started. Ed sipped from his drink.
“May I have this dance?”
The familiarity of the voice, the unlikeliness of it, especially with the nature of the question, made Ed almost choke on his drink. He placed the glass back on the counter and tried to regain his breath and courage before he turned towards the voice.
“Mustang!” he called, trying to fight all the different emotions that flooded him. His former commanding officer was probably amongst the last people he expected to see at Al’s wedding; although, in a way, the more his eyes took in Mustang’s form in front of him, his presence made sense. He tried not to focus on how stunning Mustang looked, dressed in a civilian formal wear, his buttoned up shirt was light lavender which was strangely flattering, matched with dark pants. It might have been the bourbon, but Ed found him almost breath-taking. He swallowed. “What are you doing here?”
Mustang smiled. Ed had no idea such a simple gesture could be so mesmerizing. “I wouldn’t miss an Elric wedding for any kind of fortune.”
Ed didn’t have the heart to tell him it was probably the only Elric wedding he will ever have the chance to attend. Instead, he smiled weakly at him. “Al really did go all out on this one, didn’t he?”
Mustang returned a smile – light and bright – much unlike Ed’s slightly dark one. “As he should. He deserves this. And so are you.”
Ed let out an unintelligible sound that he hoped could be interpreted as gratitude. “He definitely does. Winry, too. I’m super happy for them.”
Mustang lifted his glass, suggesting a toast. “To Alphonse and Winry.”
Ed’s smile became more genuine. “To Al and Win.”
They clicked their glasses, and each drank from his respective glass. Then Mustang replaced his glass on the counter and turned back to Ed. “So…” he played with the half empty glass with his fingers. “How my question? The song is almost over, and we still did not make the bride and the groom happy.”
Ed felt his heartbeat increasing. Him? Dancing with Mustang? And why on Earth did Mustang want to dance with him – a man?
But wouldn’t a refusal be counted as rude? Especially at his own brother’s wedding? “If you put it like this I guess I have no choice.” He finished his drink, hoping that Mustang would see it as Ed not wanting to waste his drink rather than being in a desperate need for some liquid courage, and got up. He let Mustang lead him towards the dance floor, which was as busy as it was throughout the entire evening.
Mustang positioned him, allowing him to choose his role. Ed was fine with letting Mustang lead; he was not much of a dancer to begin with. He felt eyes on him. It seemed like every single person in the garden has noticed them and stared at them. Ed hadn’t been on the dancefloor until now without Al or Win, and now he was here with a much older man that no one knew. He could only imagine what they were thinking, and he didn’t like those images. He felt Mustang’s hands on him, light and undemanding but leading him nonetheless, and moved with the music. He kept his eyes on the ground, not daring to look up. He didn’t want to see the stares. He didn’t want to be awkward and look into Mustang’s eyes, either.
He felt uncomfortable and wished the song would end quickly, so he can return to his bar seat and slowly drink this evening out.
“How have you been doing? I don’t believe we met in about…”
“Seven years,” Ed completed the sentence for him. There was no way he was going to forget that year when he last saw Mustang. The year he beat God. The year he pulled Al’s body back from the Gate in exchange for his alchemy. The year he spent more time in a hospital, caring for Al and making sure he got back to good health than at a non-hospital bed. The year when he and Al left Central and made their way back home. “I’m alright. Been traveling some. Still somewhat of a nomad. How…” he started, realizing it was the polite thing to do, to continue the conversation. “How have you been? I’m not very big on politics, you know, so I’m not sure what’s happening in that area, really.”
“A nomad! I would love to hear about your adventures sometime. And don’t worry,” Ed felt Mustang’s eyes on him. “I wasn’t expecting you to know. I’ve been promoted, and I am considered one of the leading candidates to become a Fuhrer in a few years, when Grumman retires. My main projects in the past years were the reconstruction of Ishval and helping cleaning the military from the remaining of corrupted King Bradely followers. And, of course, getting promoted.”
“Noble causes.”
“Selfish causes.”
Ed chuckled, and moved his head to the side a little. From the corner of his eye he could see his brother very clearly looking at him. There was something about his expression – a certain smugness – that made Ed think it was not a chance that out of all the people he worked with, it was Mustang who was invited to the wedding, and more than that – approached him and asked him to dance. It made him feel even more self-aware and awkward.
“You know, I think almost everyone at the office thought it would be you who will marry Winry, in the end.”
This statement, said in a casual voice, made Ed finally look up at Mustang. Him? And Winry? Sure, they joked about it as kids. But what did they know, back then? He and Winry could never work. Not even if he were attracted to women. They were better off as friends. But she was a perfect match for Al. “Why?”
Mustang shrugged. “You two seemed very close.” He smiled, and leaned closer. Ed felt his mouth going dry at the sudden closeness, his body tensing when he felt Mustang’s breath against his ear. He spoke in a quieter voice. “I never believed that.”
This was even more surprising. All Ed could manage to do was to ask why, again.
“Because you seemed too close. More like a brother and a sister. You teased each other not in the same way two lovers would, but in the way close friends or siblings would.” Unlike you and I. The words appeared in his head out of nowhere. He moved his face again, looking at Mustang. He had his typical Mustang smug look, complete with half a smirk. Ed knew he didn’t say it; but a part of him felt like he intended to, like the words were hanging, unspoken, between them. “Do you have anyone special in your life?”
Ed felt that tightness in his chest he always felt when this topic came up. It was even worse now, that it was Mustang who brought it up. “Uh… no, not really.”
“Why is that? You are a young, handsome man.”
“I just… didn’t find the right person, maybe.” He knew that it was partially a lie. He’d known for years; but there was nothing he could do about it. This was getting even more uncomfortable.
What was with that song?
He felt a slight pull. Barely there, almost giving the sense that taking that extra step towards Mustang wasn’t intentional. “Maybe you did, and you didn’t realize it, or were too scared to realize.”
Ed frowned. “Are you calling me a coward?”
The pull now was much more present. No longer easily mistaken for an accident. “Not at all.” The music went quiet, emphasizing the boldness of Ed’s heartbeat. It started again a second later, but that short pause made Ed feel as if his nervousness was audible to the whole party. “Another dance?”
No. “Sure.”
They were now closer, almost hugging.
“Where are you living now? Resenbool?”
“No; Luza.”
“That’s very close to Central. It’s a very small town though. Do you like it?”
“Yeah. It’s small, but it’s still, you know, rather central. I found a small research area there that I work at for now.”
“Oh, Luza Medicinal Alchemy Research Lab? They are actually really good, despite not being in a big city.” He paused. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”
Ed shrugged. “It’s alright. Pays my bills.”
“I am sure. I wonder. Do you visit Central City sometimes?”
The tightness in Ed’s chest told him he knew where this was leading. “Yes.”
“Since I will be very happy to renew the contact with you, and I am very curious to hear about your travels, do you think you would like to meet during one of your visits in Central?”
It was exactly as Ed feared. Saying no now would be even more rude than saying it before. Well, he could always just… forget to mention that he visited. “Yeah, maybe.”
“That makes me happy. You know, I meant it when I said earlier that you are a very handsome young man. Attractive, even.”
Another pull. Ed’s head started to spin. What… what was going on here, exactly? “Uh… thank you.”
“I can deny that if you visit Central, and meet with me, I am interested in maybe getting to know you a little bit better than just old acquaintances.”
That was – what? Did Mustang just ask him out? Did he just… but they didn’t see each other for years! Last time they met Ed was giving back his pocket watch, thus ending almost a decade of working as Mustang’s very insubordinate subordinate. He was a minor. He was… young, and stupid, and annoying, and he knew that even as he was going but could not change that.
And Roy… was a man. An older, successful, incredibly attractive man with the reputation of a skirt chaser.
Nothing about it made sense.
Did he want it to make sense?
Ed glanced at Roy. At least to himself he could admit that the one person he might have considered in a romantic way. Even that started very late; only after he retrieved Al’s body; and then Roy was wounded and blind but still incredibly strong and idealistic, not to mention good looking and kind and caring. He never allowed these thoughts to continue, knowing very well it was completely pointless. Now, years later, those feelings were buried deep under.
Until the moment Roy appeared next to him, asking him for a dance.
“Don’t get me wrong, Edward. I never thought about you like that when you were working for me. But I couldn’t help but noticing what an attractive man you became, when you gave me your pocket watch back. When you looked so genuinely relieved and happy. I am not sure if your brother told you, but we kept in touch, more or less, throughout the years.” No, Ed did not know. But for some reason, he was not very surprised, either. “And he was telling me about you. Not too invasive,” he hurried to add, “but just telling me how you were doing. I can’t deny that receiving the invitation to this wedding, knowing you will be here, made me think that maybe this was a chance to see you, and, depending on your situation, see if there was a chance of trying something more.
Of course,” Roy continued, and Ed realized that he was nervous. The ever strong, smug I-have-answers-for-everything Roy Mustang, was uncertain. “If you are not interested, I will certainly understand. If you need time, I will certainly understand. I will be happy just catching up sometimes when you are in Central, too. As an old friend.”
“I…” Ed started, but realized he had no idea what he wanted to say. He was given an opportunity and an out. He was confused, and shocked, and just a little bit drunk. “Don’t know. This is… very sudden.” Glancing up, he saw the look of disappointment on Roy’s face; it was short, less than a second, but Ed knew he saw it. The distance between them grew. It was very slight, but certainly there. He felt an immense loss.
What was he doing?
“I mean – I will be happy to, uh, meet with you. And… you are… kinda hot,” Ed felt his face burning. Was it the bourbon? “But we haven’t seen each other in forever. Lets… meet up, every now and then, and see where it gets us.”
The hold on him tightened, ever so slightly, again. It scared him – was he really going to start dating Roy Mustang? Was this situation right now – Al’s wedding, him and Roy on the dancefloor for certainly more than two songs by now, Roy telling him he found him attractive enough to ask him out – it was just too surreal. But there was also something exciting about it. It was only a brief thought, back then when he left the military for good. But maybe, just maybe, he will not be as lonely anymore.
Roy smiled at him. “This sounds excellent to me. I will be sure to give you my contact information before the end of the evening. Are you staying in Resenbool much longer?”
The shift in the conversation made him feel slightly less nervous. “No, I’m leaving tomorrow morning. Leaving the two love birds on their own. I don’t think Al would want me here when he’s practically on a honeymoon.” He paused. “I don’t think I want to be here when my little brother is practically on a honeymoon.”
Roy chuckled, the sound making most of the nervousness still left in Ed go away. “Yes, I can understand that. Well, actually, I will be going back to Central tomorrow morning as well. If I remember correctly, it should be the same train that you need to take. Would you like to ride the train together? Keep each other company?”
It was innocent enough. And it would give him an opportunity to get to know Roy again, before they will engage in the awkward situation of an actual date. And those long train rides were always boring as hell. He offered a smile. “Yeah, sure.”