Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Maglor was laying there gently touching the bandages that lay on his neck. He swallowed a bit as he lay there. The healers gave him something to help with the pain but he still hurt everything. He still prayed this was not some dream caste by Melkor or Mairon. He prayed that this was real and he won't wake up. The last couple of years were a mess he had been taken to Angband and tortured. Yet, Maedhros and Fingon rescued him. Yet his resume was a blur, he remembered the darkness of Angband then being carried put by Maedhos. Now, he was laying here with healers patching up his wounds.

He looked around and saw one of the healers leave the room and speak to someone outside. He listened to a bit but their voices where to hushed for him to make anything out. Yet, after a few moments, he heard someone enter and he looked up and saw Maedhros. He sat up slowly as the other healers left.

"Kano?" Maedhros asked gently.

He looked at his brother walked over and sat down beside him. "Kano. The healers said that you'll be alright," Maedhros said. He gave a look at Maglor but he just sat there looking down a bit. "You'll need to do some more healing and I assume they'll want to keep their eyes on you. But-" Yet Maedhros stopped speaking as Maglor grabbed onto his arm. Meadhros looked at him and met Maglor's detrimental expression.

Tell me what happened. What did they say? Maglor thought and hopped that his expression conveyed when he thought. Thankfully Maedhos seemed to understand and said, "Kano...they said you won't be able to talk. They do not think it will return. You may be able to make some sounds at some point but...your voice won't come back."

Maglor stopped though he felt the grip he had on his brother's arm weaken. He swallowed and opened his mouth and desperately tried to say something. Anything. No words or sounds came. He just was met with silence and Maedhos sad expression. He hung his head and could not hold back the tears that now streamed down his face. He felt Maedhros shift his arm away but he was then pulled into a firm hug. Maglor clung to his brother and let himself cry.

Maglor was petty sure his other brothers came in since Maedhos said, "Kano. Let go just for a few moments?"

Maglor shook his head though. He did not want to be left alone. He did not care if he was being childish. He heard Maedhros give a sigh and then retreating footsteps.

"I'm just going to get you water...can you let go just for a few moments?" Maedhros asked he heard him ask. Maglor let go slightly enough for Maedhros to stand up and grab him some water. 

Maglor just hung his head his hair hanging over his face as he sat there. He looked back up when Maedhos sat back over and handed him the cup of water. Maglor took it and slowly drank it. He handed the now empty cup to his brother who just moved it to the side.

"Hey, why don't you try to get some sleep? It will do you some good." Maedhros said.

Maglor shook his head and opened his mouth and tried to talk but no words came. Tears came to his eyes as he shook his head. I don't want to be alone Neylo! I don't want to find this is a dream...I don't want to return to those nightmares. Maglor thought as he reached over and gripped Maedhro's sleeve again.

He looked up a bit as he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll stay right here, I'm not leaving." Maedhros promised.

Maglor gave a small little nod and laid down Maedhros pulled the blanket up over him like as if he were an elfing. He closed his eyes and fell asleep quickly.

When Maglor opened his eyes he found Maedhros snoring next to him softly. He slowly sat up and rubbed his face, he was thankful that no nightmares plagued his mind. He felt his stomach grumble and he reached out and gently shook his brother awake.

Maedhros blinked and shook himself. "Kano? What's wrong?" He asked.

Thankfully Maglor did not have to move for anything at all. His stomach growled causing Maedhros to chuckle and said, "Alright. I'll get you some food,"

Maglor glared at him slightly when he laughed but settled back. He looked down and sighed deeply. He waited a few minutes before Maedhros came back with a healer who held a tray. Maglor looked up and spoke more silent words. He frowned and shook his head.

"Easy there, Kano. She just wants to change your bandages and she said that if you eat anything it should be very light. Mostly liquids but if you do want anything solid it should be some bread." Maedhros said.

Maglor gave a small nod and stayed still as the healer undid the bandages gently and started to clean the wounds again. Maglor let out a sharp breath of pain.

"Sorry. It will sting a bit," she said as she cleaned the wounds. He nodded a bit and shut his eyes tightly as she cleaned the wounds again and changed his bandages.

"There. Done," She said. Maglor opened his eyes and looked down.

Maedhros sat down beside him and said, "Someone will be in here with fresh soup for you. In the meantime, I do have this for you."

Maglor looked and saw him holding a bit of bread. Maglor took it and nibbled at it. The two sat in silence and Maglor hated it. He wanted to hear something. Anything.

He tapped Maedhros on the shoulder and looked at him. "Yeah?" He asked.

Maglor opened his mouth but closed it. He sighed and just shook his head. I want to talk. He thought. I want to be able to say something...I don't want to just sit here alone and listen to the silence.

"I'm sor-" began Maedhros but the door flew open and in came Amras, Amrod, Celegorm, Caranthir, and Curufin.

"Enwina Háno!" Shouted Amrod and Amras which meant old brother which is what they called any of their older brothers when they were worried about them.

"Easy. All of you," Maedhros said standing up. "He needs his rest and the healers said that he should not a have so many things piled on him."

Maglor shook his head and tried to get their attention. Yet, without being able to speak he could not do much. Yet, what he did do was he hurled his half-eaten bit of bread at the back of Maedhros's head. Which did cause him to stop and slowly turned around and he stared at him and blinked slowly.

The twins and Celegorm burst out laughing seeing Maedhros's face. However, the oldest son of Feanor just took a breath and asked, "Yes?"

Maglor shook his head and pointed to them.

"You want us to leave?" Asked Amrod.

"Or more food to throw at Maedhros?" Said Celegorm in between fits of giggles.

Maglor just shook his head very firmly. Caranthir sighed and walked over and pulled out a notebook that had a quill and small jar of ink attached to the cover. Maglor looked down at it and back up at him. "Can't talk but you can write down what you want to say." He said simply.

Maglor gave a nod of thanks to him and quickly wrote down on than paper, 'No. I want them to stay here.'

Maedhos looked at it and gave a small nod, "Alright."

"That was a clever idea," Curufin stated simply.

"He made it himself," Amrod said.

He was up all night working on it," Amras added. Caranthir's face went a little red from embarrassment. "Shut up!" He snapped at the twins.

Maglor just smiled and wiped away his tears and wrote down something special for just Caranthir. He showed it to his brother and Caranthir looked at it and back at him. He just gave a little nod and shoved his hands into his pockets. Maglor went to the next page settled back.

Maedhros looked at all his brothers and said, "Okay. If all of you are going to be in here I have to talk with our uncle."

His brothers just nodded and they found spots for themselves around Maglor as he left. His remaining brother watched as Maglor wrote down, 'I do not care if you do not talk to me. I just can't bear listening to the silence.'

His brothers all shared a quick look before Curufin started off telling Maglor all about what he was working on. Maglor just settled back and listened to him. The twins eventually interrupted him and started telling Maglor about a waterfall they found. It was then a back and forth between Curufin and the twins that soon became an argument.

"Want me to kick them out?" Celegorm asked looking at Maglor who just gave a small shake of his head. As the three argued Maglor wrote down 'what about you two? I want to hear what you two have been doing.'

"You're...you're not mad at us?" Celegorm asked. "After all we didn't-" Yet he stopped short as Maglor held up his hand and shook his head. He then just pointed to what he wrote before.

Celegorm gave a small nod and started to tell him about his hunting missions and such. Maglor just smiled as he listened to his brothers. When the elf came with food Curufin was able to finally continues about what he was working on. Maglor just smiled as he ate and listened to his brothers.

Maglor blinked a little and slowly closed his eyes as his brother's voice just became a gentle white noise then everything faded into a light sleep.

Chapter Text

Mairon laughed as Maglor withered in pain. He grinned and kicked Maglor so he was laying on his back once more. "You are very resistant, songbird. However, I still want the information you have." Mairon said. Maglor glared at that name Mairon chose to call him. He desired it with a passion.

"Still not talking...well I guess if you are not going to use that voice you don't need it," Mairon said as he grabbed Maglor's neck. He leaned down and then hissed into Maglor's ear. "Now if this gets taken away...what right do you have for music? Words and the voice make the song have meaning. Now if you play any music it'll just be empty notes. Songbird."

Maglor then let out a scream of pain before the noise died out as Maglor could not find it to scream anymore.

Maglor shifted and sat up quickly and gasped for air. He felt like he was suffocating. He took some sharp breaths when he felt a hand grip his shoulder. "Kano. Just breath." He heard Maedhros voice. Maglor blinked and shook his head. He looked around and let out a breath seeing Meadhros's concerned face.

Maedhros handed Maglor the notebook and asked, "What happened?"

Maglor looked at the paper but shook his head his hair falling in front of his face. Maedhros just let out a soft sigh and nodded. "Alright...alright." He said. "I sent the others out so you could get some rest without them waking up."

Maglor nodded and looked down. He rubbed his throat but Maedhros reached over and moved his hand away. "Kano. You need to leave the bandage alone." He said.

Maglor moved his hand down and he let out a breath. He felt a sudden hand on his head and he looked up at him. "You'll be alright," He said ruffling up his hair. Maglor made a face and shifted away swaying at Maedhros's hand. His older brother just chuckled and Maglor gave a small smile in seeing his brother was just trying to help him.

"Oh. I know you're okay with your brothers coming to see you but what about extended family?" Maedhros asked.

Maglor thought for a moment and then nodded.

"Uncle Fingolfin does want to visit you as well as Fingon," Maedhros said.

Maglor looked at the notebook and wrote something down and then showed it to him. He seemed embarrassment to write it but he did it anyway. Maedhros felt horrible for his younger brother as he read, 'I do not care who visits me...I just don't want to be left alone to listen to silence.'

"Alright. I'll keep some conversation going. If you want I can try singing," Maedhros offered. Maglor stared at his older brother and he could not help but break into a smile and his shoulders shook from his silent laughs.

"I am not that terrible at singing," He replied in mock offense.

Maglor through small fits of silent giggles wrote down, 'brother. You could not sing to save your life.'

Maedhros looked at it and just gave a bit of a shrug but did smile. The door suddenly flew open and Curufin came into the room. He was dressed in his smith clothes and covered in smudges. Yet, he seemed to have a great idea since he was grinning. "Kano." He said. "I have an idea for you. Caranthir and I were talking and we figured we can make a language you can speak now."

Maglor looked at him and titled his head to one side in confusion. He even took the liberty to draw a question mark out. "Not speak as in talk but sign different words. We are not sure if it can work but we are working on the idea." Curufin said.

Maglor smiled again and wrote down, 'Thank you so much, brother.'

Curufin nodded and then handed him a harp. It was far different than the one he used to have but looked slightly similar. "Also here. Fingon found your broken harp. I was able to fix it up a bit." He replied.

Maglor just looked down at it and suddenly threw it across the room and smashed against the wall. Curufin blinked in surprise and Maedhros just stared at Maglor. Maedhros stood up and picked up the harp that had a slight dent in it. The dent was not so bad and he just placed it out of Maglor's reach. He then looked at Curufin who just nodded and left the room as Maedhros turned back to Maglor.

"Kano...can you please tell me what happened?" He said. "Are you truly going to cast away your music because you can not sing with it?"

Maglor looked away with tears in his eyes. Maedhros moved over and put his hand on Maglor's shoulder. "Come on brother," He said softly.

Maglor leaned forward and placed his head on his brother's shoulder and began to just silently cry once more. 'I have no right to it!' Maglor thought. 'I have no right to play it when I could not even defend my voice. I could have but I could not bring myself to give up anything about you guys. I could not stand to have known I told them information that could hurt you and the others.'

Maglor cried making the bandage around his eye damp from tears. He then gasped as he felt his mind start to scream. He shook his head as a nightmare started to come to life. It played in his mind and behind his closed eyes. Maglor knew it was a nightmare but he could not convince his mind that it was. He then felt himself slip back and felt pain in his side as he found himself on the floor. He saw his brother above him worry clear on his face, yet what he saw soon changed into a nightmare. Then everything faded to black.

When Maglor opened his eyes Maedhros was sitting right beside him worry clear on his face. Maedhros wore the same clothes but they were all wrinkled and smelled a bit. His brother's hair was frazzled and out of place and dark circles were under his eyes. His other brothers were there as well and they all looked similar to Maedhros. Yet, he saw that the twin's eyes were a bit red as well as Caranthir's. Maglor opened his mouth to say something but soon remembered that he could not.

He slowly sat up and all his brothers jumped at once. He felt Maedhros ease him back and said, "Easy. You need to lay still and rest,"

Maglor wondered what happened and thankfully Maedhros then explained, "You started to hallucinate slightly which apparently brought on a small seizure; which the movement of that opened some wounds. The healers were able to help you but they said you need rest and should try hard to get worked up."

Maglor gave a little nod and swallowed about. He looked at his brothers and blinked, they all looked like they had not slept for days. He then looked around and spotted his notebook. He reached for it and Celegorm passed it over. He wrote down, 'How long was I asleep for? All of you look terrible.'

"Hey. You don't look so good yourself," Celegorm said with a snort.

"You were asleep for five days...we did not sleep well over that time," Maedhros said.

'Don't you mean at all?' He thought but chose not to write it down. He titled his head to the side when Maedhros picked up his notebook and wrote something down. He then showed it to Maglor who read it and looked at him. It had said: 'Kano. I know you are having bad nightmares, throughout the times you were asleep you were thrashing about. Uncle Fingolfin said there he did once hear a rumor that an elf who may be part of the firstborn and who never chose to sail. The rumor said that she learned about the healing of both the mind and body. He said that when you're well enough to travel she may be able to help with the nightmares. If you want to we can go to her for help.'

Maglor read it once more and took the book and closed it. He looked down and then up at Maedhros and gave a small nod. A small hope burned in the back of his mind that maybe she was able to heal his throat. 

Chapter Text

A few more days past and the healers told Maglor that he could be allowed to be outside but they want someone there with him in case he had another seizure. He sat outside on the grass with Maedhros sitting by him. 

Maglor just looked at the ground listening to Maedhros talk to him he was unsure about what exactly. He was spacing out and just listening to the noise. 

"Kano?" Maedhros said. Maglor looked up and Maedhros said, "I talked with one of the healers. They said if you are feeling well by next week you'll be alright to travel." 

Maglor nodded and sat back. He looked to Maedhros and reached for his notebook and wrote down, 'I would like to get out of here sooner. I do not like sitting around doing nothing.' 

"I know, Kano but it'll just before a few more days." He replied. 

'It'll be seven days and 168 hours,' Maglor wrote. 

"Kano," Maedhros said. "Please...we just want to be sure that you'll be fine," 

Maglor sighed and nodded. Maglor let out a long breath and looked up as Fingon walked over. "Hey. How are you doing?" He asked. 

Maglor shrugged and Maedhros sighed, "He's doing better." 

Fingon nodded and asked, "Can I join both of you?"

"Fine with me," Maedhros said and looked at Maglor who nodded. Fingon sat down and Maedhros said, "Fingon. Your father was telling me about a healer who has said to live here would you know anything more rumors about it?"

"Besides what my father told you I do not have much else or rather nothing important." He replied. 

"Still," Maedhros said. 

"Well the rumor I had may just be nonsense but if you want to find her follow the white cat." He said. 

Maglor looked at Fingon and then back at Maedhros who just stared at their cousin and blinked. "Follow the white cat?" Maedhros asked. 

"That's just what I heard," He replied. "I do not understand what it means,"

"Is there anything else?" Maedhros asked. 

"No. Nothing," Fingon said. "I am sorry," 

"It's fine," Maedhros replied. "I just wish we had more to go on than she may have part of the first elves, she chose not to sail, and she knows a lot about healing." 

'and don't forget the white cat,' Maglor wrote down and held it up. Maedhros chuckled and Fingon smirked. It was good to see that Maglor had some of his humor still. 

"Well. I wish you luck and if I hear anything I'll send you a message," Fingon said. 

"Thank you," Maedhros replied. Fingon nodded and stood up, "Well I'll go...Maglor is looking kinda tired." 

Maedhros looked to his brother whose eyes were starting to close as he sat there. Maedhros smiled lightly and stood up. "Alright Kano, we should head back inside." 

Maglor shook his head and stayed where he was. Maedhros sighed and asked, "You want to take a nap out here?" 

Maglor grabbed his notebook and wrote down, 'It's stuffy in the healer's room.' 

Maedhros let out a breath and said, "Alright...alright." 

He sat back down beside him and Maglor leaned against his brother's shoulder and fell asleep. 

Maglor's eyes flew up and squirmed but stopped as he realized he no longer was in a nightmare but awake. He blinked and looked at his brother who gave him a worried look. 

"You had another nightmare," He said. Maglor nodded a bit and sniffed a little and Maedhros gave him a quick hug. 

"Do you want to go back in now?" He asked. Maglor nodded and Maedhros helped him stand up. His walking was still a bit weak but better than before. When he walked back to the room he sat down and clenched his fists. He hated feeling like this. He still felt weak and his wounds still hurt him. The worst of everything was the fact he could not even scream his frustrations. 

"Kano?" Maedhros said. "You are looking a bit like Caranthir dose when he's mad," 

Maglor made a face at him and Maedhros came over and said, "Try to calm down a little...I know you're not ready to talk but when you are I am here for you." 

Maglor nodded and looked up as the door flew open and the twins came in along. The twins had a grin on their face as they walked over. "Kano? Remember how mamil taught us a bit about sculpting? Well, we used that to make you this!" They said together as they held out a carved wooden whistle." 

"And here I thought only Curufin and Atar were the crafters," Maedhros said earning a grin from the twins. Maglor took the whistle and blew a note on it. It was a bit loud but it worked. He looked at them and gave a bit nod of thanks. He reached over and placed it on the table beside his bed. 

He sat up and let out a long breath. He took his notebook and wrote down 'I am feeling a bit tired and want to rest,' 

The twins nodded and exited the room. Maedhros looked over at Maglor as he laid down and pulled the blanket up. Maglor heard his brother give a soft sigh and started talking lowly about nothing for him. Just so he had something he can listen too. As Maglor drifted off he was pretty sure his brother was just saying nonsense words but once his eyes closed he was lost in the flames of another nightmare. 

Maglor was forced awake from his brother shaking him. Maglor blinked multiple times and looked at Maedhros's worried face. He had to blink once more before his vision cleared and he saw Fingolfin's face as well. He looked just as worried as his brother and he also noticed a healer by his bedside. 

"You opened up your wounds again," Maedhros said as he held his brother sit up and he moved back letting the healer in so they could patch him up again. Maglor just gave a blink in reply as the healer undid the bandage around his neck and cleaned it. They rebandaged it and then moved to the one that was over his eye. They took care of a few more wounds he opened and when he was done. 

Maglor gave a heavy breath as the healer left. He looked up as his uncle came over and sat down beside him. "I do know you our family has many differences. Yet, I am still your uncle and I do care about you. Despite what my brother may have thought or said." Fingolfin said. He then leaned over and pulled Maglor in a big hug. 

Maglor looked at his uncle but did not do anything to protest. He needed this, in all truth this helped him since he did wish that his father or mother was there. Even though his father may have not been the nicest of people he did love his sons. He wished of his parents were to stay there with him like when he was little and he fell and hurt himself. One of his parents normally his mother dried his tears and made him feel like himself again. Yet, with the oath and everything else he had no one besides his brothers and his uncle. 

'Thank you,' Maglor thought as his uncle let go and offered him a smile. Maglor gave a bit of a smile back and pulled his knees inward. His uncle stood up and patted Maedhros on his shoulder before he turned to Maglor once more and said, "I have to go but I will come back to see you if you want." 

Maglor gave a nod and Fingolfin smiled and left the room. He sat back in bed and looked to Maedhros who just sighed and said, "I need to talk with a healer. I need to see if maybe we can leave sooner, you do not deserve to be like this. We need to find her and see if she can help you with your nightmares." 

Maglor nodded to Maedhros who stood up and said, "I am just leaving for a few moments. If you need me or need someone blow the whistle the twins gave you." 

Maglor gave another nod of confirmation before he took his notebook and looked through it as Maedhros left the room. Once his brother was gone he closed the notebook and sighed. He moved and stood up slowly. He walked to the window and pulled back the curtains a bit. He leaned against a wall and looked outside. He let out a long breath and realized he may not be sleeping for a while. Well, not if every time he tries to sleep nightmares invade his mind. He shook his head and let out a breath. He truly hoped he can leave sooner. He just wanted to get out of here and find her. He still hoped that maybe she can fix his voice. 

Chapter Text

Maglor rode in silence with his brothers, Maedhros talked with the healers and they agreed that if this person does exists the should find them quickly. Since if the nightmares persist it may lead to real damage to his health. Since every time he has one he opens a wound from all the tossing and turning.

Maglor let out a long breath and looked over at Celegorm who stopped for the 12th time to stop and get information from some animal. Curufin was close losing it as Celegorm kept jumping off his horse and talking to a bird or fox. He saw him shake his head and rode to be next to Maglor. "He's insane." He grumbled.

Maglor nodded and looked back ahead. "We got half of the language you can sign with down. So tonight when we stop I can show you what we have." Curufin added.

Maglor opened his mouth to ask him a question but closed it. He kept forgetting that he could not speak. It was hard to write in his notebook as he rode so it made his communication rather challenging. Maglor clenched his fists around the reins. He hated all this! Curufin looked at him and let out a huge sigh. Not all the brothers got along all the time but when one of them wherein this kind of pain they were there for them.

Curufin reached over and patted his back a bit before looking back as Celegorm rode up beside them. Maglor just listening to them taking and the twins talking to each other about Eru knows what. He stopped for a moment as he realized that he also picked up Maedhros's deep breaths. He looked over at his brother who looked up and gave him a smile. 

Maglor just nodded and turned to face forward. He slowed his horse slightly and winced a bit. His body was feeling tried but he knew they should not stop for a while.

He yawned and put a hand to his side and took a breath. "Kano? Do you want to stop?" Asked Maedhros coming over to him.

Maglor gave a small nod and Maedhros halted the group and told them they were going to stop. They were actually in a good stopping area but they just had to move off to the side. Maglor got off his horse and walked away to sit under a tree. He leaned his head back and listened to the chirping of the birds. He sighed and clenched his fists in frustration. He half-turned and punched the tree behind him. He then winced and pulled his hand back. He looked down at his fist. His knuckles were a bit red and he saw some broken skin.

"Kano," Maedhros said coming over and bending down. Maglor pulled away and stood up. He gave his brother a long before storming off. He felt such pain and anger. Nine of them understood this, understood how frustrating it was to be treated like he was. To feel this weak and not even to be able to scream about. He stopped and looked around. He walked a good ways away from his brothers. He swallowed and just sat down pulling his knees close to him.

An hour passed and Maedhros stood up and said, "Alright. Now, we need to look for him."

"What even happened?" Asked Celegorm.

"Don't know," Said Maedhors with a sigh. The brother's split up and looked around trying to locate Maglor. It was Celegorm who found Maglor, he in truth asked a bird if they saw an angry, sulking elf who had black hair and a bandage around their neck. He had to add the bandage since they have saw Caranthir and not Maglor.

He found Maglor curled up next to a tree with his head buried in his knees. "Kano," Celegorm said.

Maglor looked up at him and wiped his face. Celegorm bent down and said, "Let's go, brother,"

Maglor shook his head and Celegorm sighed. He held out his hand and said, "please. Let's go."

Maglor looked up and his eyes widened. He opened his mouth and yelled silently. He then grabbed Celegorm and pushed him down just as an arrow shot through the air and crashed into Maglor’s shoulder. Maglor gasped and fell backward.

Chapter Text

Celegorm moved forward before and looked at Maglor who was holding his shoulder before he whipped around and pulled out his sword. He slashed the arrow that came at him and stormed to the orc who shot at them. The orc launched another arrow and he moved to the side and once he was close enough he cut the orc down. He then went back to Maglor and bent down and looked at the wound. Yet, he kept alert and listened for any more orcs or anything else that may want to kill them. 

"It's deep," Celegorm said looking at Maglor who looked very pale as he nodded slowly. Celegorm cursed loudly as he sat back. They needed to find that healer! 

He turned his head to the side as he heard a noise and saw an orc raising a sword. He moved quickly into a defensive position but an arrow shot from nowhere killing the orc. Then a tall cloaked elf walked out from behind a tree and said, "For creatures who used to be one of us I still am suprised how much of an idiot they are." 

He pulled out the arrow and stuck it back in his quiver. He looked over at Celegorm and Maglor and gave a deep sigh. "Hey. Kailu! Get over here! There are two elves here that I do not want to deal with." 

After a few moments, another elf walked over, "You do not have to shout and we really have to work on your social skills." 

"Why?" He asked folding his arms. 

"To be normal," Kailu said 

"I despise being normal," He replied. 

Kailu shook his head and moved it to one side and he said, "You despise everything and everything." 

The other elf glared and said, "Why don't you shut up and go deal with them!" 

Kailu sighed gave a heavy sigh and walked back to Celegorm and Maglor. "Sorry about him," He said as he bent down. Maglor looked at him Kailu and frowned. This elf had long black hair but he had a cloth over his eyes. His clothes were strange and a bit ripped. 

"Who are you?" Celegorm said. 

"I am Kailu and mister happy over there is my brother Arhiri," Kailu said pointing back at the elf who just glared a bit. 

"Kailu. The arrow in one of their shoulder is kinda deep and it should be removed." Arhiri said. 

Kailu looked to one of them and said, "I can remove the arrow and patch it enough. There is a healer who lives about a few days away. She can patch it up far better then I can." 

"Wait. A healer?" Celegorm asked. "Is she a part of the Avari?" 

"Yes. Why do you ask?" Kailu asked him. 

"We have been looking for her for the past month," He said. 

Kailu nodded and said, "You have?" 

Arhiri's hand moved to another arrow and Kailu looked over and said, "Instead of being suspicious why don't you go after the five other orcs we are following." 

"Fine," He said and headed off. 

Kailu sighed and looked back to Celegorm and Maglor.  He gave a nod and asked, "Now. Can I take care of the arrow and I have some questions?" 

Celegorm and looked at Maglor who nodded slowly. Kailu nodded and said, "Alright I can take care of the arrow but as I do it please tell me why are you looking for her...and how you know about her?" 

"Our uncle told us that there was a myth about an Avari healer," He said. "We are looking for her since...well since my brother had a run-in with Morgoth and-" 

"Morgoth? Will his name be Melkor?" 

Maglor stiffened and shook his head. 

"Yeah," Celegorm said.

Kailu just listened as he reached out and took a hold of the arrow. He removed it carefully and grabbed ripped a piece of off his tunic and pressed it against his shoulder to stop the bleeding. "Well if Melkor had any part of this then she'll be more than happy to help and Arhiri won't kill you." He said. 

"What do you mean?" Asked Celegorm. 

"Well all three of us are Avari and me and my brother hate him greatly. I lost my sight to him and my brother lost his sanity." Kailu replied. "She just likes helping everyone out."

Maglor looked between his brother and Celegorm. He looked at his shoulder and winced in pain. Kailu moved his hand away and said, "The bleeding stopped and you should be alright."

"He can't talk," Said Celegorm to Kailu as he stood.

"I can tell, his breathing his a bit stiff." He replied.

Maglor swallowed and shook his head. He looked to Celegorm and begged him silently that they could leave and get to this healer. Celegorm looked at him and it took a few moments but he figured it out. He looked to Kailu and asked, "Can we get to the healer?"

"Sure, I need to wait for my brother," Kailu said.

Maglor looked at the elf then back at his brother. He just held his shoulder and settled back against the tree. He felt terrible, he just wanted to find this healer. Especially now with his shoulder being like this.

Chapter Text

A few hours had passed since they started the journey to this healer. Amras let them use his horse while he rode behind Amrod. The ride was mostly quiet but the silence was broken when Amras asked, "Your completely blind?"

Kailu looked over and said, "yep."

"Is it hard to live like that?" Celegorm asked. Maedhros was about to scold his brothers for asking that kind of personal question. Yet, he didn't since Kailu laughed and said, "I got used to it. Plus my ears and nose makes up for not being able to see."

"Your nose?" Asked Curufin.

"Yep. I have a great sense of smell. Like, I can smell we are passing flowers...and someone did not bath in awhile. They also smell like burnt metal." He said. The twins and Celegorm burst out laughing as Curufin's face went a bit red. Meadhros chuckled slightly and looked to Maglor who was smiling a bit. 

"He's not wrong," Celegorm said. Curufin glared at him and said, "At least when I bath I don't smell like a wet dog after."

Celegorm glared back at Curufin as an argument started up. as they argued Kailu looked to Maedhros and asked, "They do this often?" 

"You have no idea," He replied shaking his head.

"I have been around for awhile, best friends and siblings get into some strange arguments." Kailu replied. 

Maedhros just nodded and asked, "is there a place up ahead where we can stop for the night?"

"Yeah," Replied Arhiri gruffly. "It's about a few hours away,

Maedhros nodded and rode on. 

It was a few hours later and Maglor kept shaking himself away to learn the language that Curufin was working on. 

"Perhaps you should stop and get some sleep," Maedhros said looking at Maglor. He just shook his head and nodded firmly at Curufin to continue. 

Meadhros sighed and sat down beside Maglor. He felt bad for him, he was so tried but terrified to go to sleep. He just sat back and looked over at the twins were where talking with Kailu. The twins were hunched over laughing were the other elf just was smirking like an idiot. It also seemed Celegorm was amused with whatever he elf was saying.

At least his other brothers were happy right now. He looked back Maglor who's head was slowly falling foward. Yet it snapped up and Maglor shook it trying to keep himself awake.

"Okay. That's it," Maedhros said as he took of his cloak. "Your about to pass out. You're getting some sleep."

Maglor shook his head in protest but as Maedhros draped his cloak over Maglor’s shoulders his eyes closed and his head dropped to one side. Maglor fell asleep within moments. Maedhros let out a breath and moved his brother to horizontal position. He did let him use one of his legs as a pillow which being the oldest brother he was used to being part pillow when they were younger.

"It dose get better," Kailu said looking over.

"What do you mean?" Asked Maedhros.

"What he's going through...and everything else. Darkness and pain so not last forever. Healing is a part of this world." He said. 

Maedhros just looked at Kailu and blinked. Kailu then stood up and yawned. "Welp. We have a long ride tomorrow, I do suggest that all of you get some sleep as well. Also, my brother is keeping watch in that tree so if something tries attacking us he'll take care of it."

"Don't you mean he'll wake us up?" Curufin asked.

"If you guys want to be waken up sure but I for one like my sleep. I do not care if some other worldly creature wants me dead, it can wait another hour until I wake up." He said moving closer to a tree. "Plus Arhiri can take care of anything. Enjoy the peace that you guys can have when you can." 

Kailu laid down and within a few moments he was asleep. The twins looked st the others and said, "We like him." 

"He dose have a point though," Maedhros said. "Try to get some rest. All of you."

All the brothers laid themselves out. The twins slept on top of each other in a mock sleep heep. Celegorm slept curled up by Curufin who was snoring slightly. Caranthir was asleep sitting up leaning  against a tree. Then Maedhros did lay down to sleep with Maglor still using his leg as a pillow. 

Arhiri looked down at him from his spot. He let out a soft sigh and looked at the stars. "Finwe. Your grandsons are strange...you should be proud." He said quietly.

Chapter Text

Maglor was breaking harshly curled up in his cell. He ducked his head and pulled his knees close. It hurt. It hurt all over. He had blood spattered around him. He was just so tired...it just hurt so much. The mental and physical pain. It all hurt to much.

He looked up slowly as he heard a laugh from the hallway. The door opened and Mairon walked in smirking. "What's the matter songbird? Don't feel like singing? Your kind normally do in captivity." He said. 

Maglor just dropped his head forward waiting for the pain to start. The soundless screams began shortly after.

Maglor's flew open and he blinked. He was in Maedhros's arms and he was met with his brothers worried looks. He also saw Kailu in the background looking over at him not with pity though. His expression had more compassion and empathy rather pitty.

Maglor sat up and shivered. His body was sore and back of his throat was feeling a bit numb. "Here," Said Arhiri tossing a drinking pouch to Maglor.

"That one just has water and not your alcohol...right?" Asked Kailu.

"It just has water," he replied in an expressionless voice. 

"Good" Kailu said with a nod as Maedhros helped Maglor take a drink. Maglor’s hands were shaking from the memory of the dream.

"Please tell me she's close by," Celegorm said.

"Sill a few days away. But if we ride fast and do not stop we can get there in two days." Kailu said.

Celegorm looked to Kano and asked, "Do you want to go now?"

Maglor nodded and stumbled a bit as he stood up. Maedhros caught him and asked him something quietly. He nodded and hung his head as he climbed up Maedhros's horse. His brother climbed on behind him.

Kailu took Maglor's horse and the group began riding quickly. No one really talked. Maglor kept his head down, he hated this feeling of weakness. He hated how he felt he'll be stuck like this and stuck living in fear. He hated all the help he needed even though most of is wounds were not so horrible, just his throat was really bad. 

It all hurt too much. It was all to much. He looked up a bit as Maedhros's lay his cloak over his head hiding his face. Apparently he started crying again. 

Maglor clenched his hands tightly. He hated this.

Chapter Text

The days while riding passed slowly for Maglor. He chose to stay riding with Meadhros. He felt a better as he rode with his older brother, he felt safer to say the least. 

"Just around that bend and we are there," Said Kailu.

"I thought you said you did not know how to get here," Curufin said.

"I said it'll look weird having a blind elf leading you around. Never said I did not know the way," he replied. Curufin just stared at him as Celegorm snickered.

They stopped outside a small cottage that looked a bit weathered but sterdy. It looked to have possibly three rooms but two was more likely. Two tents were set up right by the cottage and right next by that was a small garden filled with flowers and herbs. A lean figure was bending down by it checking something. They were clearly female and had long black hair that was pulled back. She looked up at the group and stood up whipping her hands on a part of her dress.

Kailu looked at her and waved saying something that sounded strange. It was not Quenya. Perhaps it was the language of the Avari. 

She just nodded with a smile and said, "It seems you have brought me a patient."

"Yep." Replied Kailu sliding off the horse. The others got off the horse and Maedhros helped Maglor down. 

"I am Handa," she said bowing her head to them.

Meadhros nodded to her and introduced his brothers and himself. Maglor just looked to the ground as she looked at him. "The house is a bit small but I think all of you can fit," she said.

Maglor looked up and shook his head. Right now he just wanted Maedhros. She seemed to understand and asked, "alright. I take it you want me to check your wounds as soon as possible?"

Maglor nodded and she said, "alright. Please go inside and go to the room on your right. I'll be right there I just need to grab a few things." 

Maglor nodded slowly and he and Maedhros headed in. She bent down back to her herbs and grabbed a few. When she stood up Celegorm walked over. "Please do whatever you can to help him," He said. A desperatness was clear in his voice, he was worried about Maglor. They all were.

She just gave him a kind smile and said, "relax. I will do everything in my power to help him. He'll be alright, healing takes time and work."

He just nodded and she walked inside. Celegorm let out a worried breath and looked to Kailu as he stepped up next to him. "You shouldn't worry, also if you worry too much you may not be able to take care or yourself. Which means then you can't help your brother."

"You seem very wise," Caranthir said looking over at him.

Kailu let out a laugh and said, "Wise? Pfff. This is not wisdom, this is just a fool sprouting slightly helpful nonsense. Now, I think we have an extra tent we can set up for you and your brothers."

Celegorm nodded and turned to help his brothers take care of setting up an extra tent or two.

Maglor was sitting on a soft mattress, Maedhros sat in a chair right by the bed. He looked over at the table that was filled with herbs, papers, and bottles of different liquids. He looked down and took a breath. He looked up as Handa walked into the room holding a basket. She put it on the table and walked over to Maglor. 

"Before I start can you please I would like to know what happened," She replied. "It will give me a better idea of how to help you."

Maglor looked over at his brother and gave him a little nod. He looked at the floor as he listened to Maedhros telling her about what had happened. She just listened carefully as Maedhrose talked about what happened. When he was finished she gave a little nod and said, "Alright. Let's see what I can do."  

She walked over and sat down next to him. "Okay. I need to see the wound on your next. Look up a bit," she said. Maglor looked up a bit and shivered as she began until wrapping the bandages on his neck. He stiffened as he felt her feel the wound. It stung. He shut his eyes as she checked the wound a bit more. She checked a few more things by his throat and neck. She then moved on to the other wounds. Maglor was so caught up to with his nightmares and his bitterness over his throat he nearly forgot about his other wounds. Even the bandage over one of his eyes.

She finished up and said, "I can help you with the physical part however the emotional part is another story. I can only help you if you want to get better," 

Maglor looked up at her but then looked down. He did not have his notebook with him currently and she did not know the language that his brother came up with. He wanted to get over this, he wanted to get through the pain. He looked up once again though when he felt a hand on his shoulder. She looked at him and said, "I have been in middle earth since when elves awoke. I have seen many things and have learned many different things. So I can tell by the look in your eyes you want to get through this...and you will. It may be a long road though," 

Maglor nodded and she straightened up. "Good. I will rebandage your wounds and doing what I can to ease the pain. Tomorrow we will start on everything else." She said. 

"I have a question," Maedhros said. 

"Yes?" She replied as she walked to the table and began working. 

"Maglor...he has trouble sleeping due to the nightmares. Do you have anything that can help him with that?" He asked. Maglor looked at his older brother then at her. 

She nodded and said, "I have herbs that help with sleep and different things like that. If he wants I can give him something and you as well if you want." 

"What? No. I am good," Maedhros replied. 

"I know you all are the grandsons of Finwe. I was a close friend of his at one time if there was one thing he was horrible at that would be lying. It seems you have that skill of his," she said not looking at him. "You are worried about your brother so it seems you have not been able to sleep from your worry. So, tonight I can give you something just help relax your mind a bit." 

Maedhros just stared at her as Maglor silently giggled. The last person to call him out so quickly for lying was their mother. Yet, it also peeked Maglor's interest that she knew their grandfather.

Chapter Text

Maglor sat crossed-legged on the mattress with a bowl in his hands. He was eating quietly and he looked up a bit as he heard Handal walk in. 

"How are you doing?" She asked. 

He just gave her a small nod, he then looked back down at the bowl of soup and placed it back on the tray. Maedhros left to sort something out among his other brothers and he was left alone to eat. 

"Not hungry?" She asked as she walked over and picked up the tray. Maglor nodded slowly and she just brought the tray over to her table. She then picked up a small cup and handed it to Maglor and said, "This has some herbs to help you sleep, you won't have any bad dreams and it'll help you stay asleep. The only problem is that normally it tastes like dirt but I add honey and some sugar so it will taste a bit better." 

Maglor nodded and took the mug and looked at the liquid inside. He was so tired, he just wanted to sleep but he was a bit unsure about taking medican to help him sleep. She must have realized something was up when Maglor just kept staring at the mug for a solid 3 minutes. She sat down on the bed and said, "If you don't want to take it, you do not have too. I can tell your brother you did so he does not have to worry. Then I'll just stay here to make sure you don't have any nightmares." 

Maglor looked at her and shook his head. He hated lying to Maedhros and he did want a good night sleep. He took a breath, closed his eyes, and drank the liquid quickly. He made a slight face, the honey and sugar did help but it still tasted a bit nasty. She chuckled a bit at his face and said, "Just try to get some rest, tomorrow we will take care of the rest." 

He laid back a bit on the bed and looked over at her as she moved about. He looked over at the entrance as Maedhros walked back in. This time he was holding Maglor's bag which had his notebook and some other things. Maglor did spot his harp in there but he did not make any note of it. He just grabbed his notebook and wrote something down. He then waved to Handal and she came over. She looked down and read: 'Thank you for helping me, yet I heard you were a bit unnatural at healing...so is it possible for you to be able to make me talk again?' 

After she finished reading it she looked at Maglor and said, "We will talk about this tomorrow. Tonight just rest." 

Maglor gave a small sigh and just settled back into bed. He felt the herbs taking effect since he felt his mind slow. His eyes closed and eventually, he fell asleep. Once asleep Maedhros let out a long breath and asked, "can you sneak that into my other brother's food or drinks?" 

"I would not recommend it, after all, it does wear off and from what I heard you may want something a bit more long-lasting." She said. "Like a brick to the head." 

Maedhros looked at her for a long moment and began chuckling. He had to cover his mouth and he just shook his head. "That can work." He said after his small bit of laughter died down. "I have a question though...about Maglor. I know from what you said you can help him but will be like how he used to be? Or will he be different?" 

"That's something I can't answer. You have to give him the time he needs to heal since everyone is different when it comes to this. You can look at Arhiri and Kailu as examples, they both went through a lot and they did change. Arhiri did become much more drawn in and untrusting. Yet, Kailu remained the same, in fact he became better than he was before. He learned to deal with his blindness and use it as an advantage for him not a weakness. He became much more easy-going and he was able to let himself just be free." She replied. 

"Alright. So we just need to wait and see?" Maedhros asked. 

"That's right," She said. "Now you should get some sleep as well and judging by your eyes you might want a brick to the head." 

Maedhros looked at her and said, "No. I think I am okay." 

"Suit yourself," She said as she gathered up somethings on her desk. She then handed Maedhros another small mug and said, "Here. This is what I gave Maglor, I did give him some more but it still looks like you can use some sleep." 

"Thank you but I think I'll be okay," He said. 

"If you change your mind it's right here," She said and placed the cup on the table. She then walked out and when she came back in she found Maedhros sound asleep sitting upright in the chair. She chuckled a bit and grabbed an extra blanket and laid it over him. She smiled a bit as she remembered that Finwe also had that talent. To fall asleep in any position; anywhere. His grandchildren all and a bit of him. Well him and Miriel, they all had a bit of both. 

Chapter Text

Maglor was sitting on the mattress with Handa sitting across from her. He had folded his hands in his lap as she read over what he wrote in the notebook. It had been a few days since she started working on his nightmares and the emotional state he was in. So far it had been alright, she was smart and knew a lot about the mind. She put the notebook down after a few moments and said, "You are strong, despite what you think. You are strong. If you were not strong then you would not be sitting here talking."

Maglor took his notebook and wrote, 'But I could do nothing to stop him from what he did. It hurt and he was so powerful...what chance do we have against an enemy like that?'

She read it over and looked at him. She nodded a bit and said, "That past is hard to manage. It is, there is a lot we can regret or wish we were stronger. Yet, we need to have those hard or impossible moments to grow. Do not worry now about how to fight them, right now, just worry about healing yourself."

Maglor nodded slowly and sighed. He rubbed his face, he then took his notebook and wrote. 'How much do you know about the Valar?'

She looked at it and asked, "I have my knowledge about them, why?"

'Do they hate us?' He asked and he then continued to write a bit more about when they left Valinor.

She read it over and was quiet for a few moments before she said, "You'll have to speak with Kailu about that. His realm of knowledge for these kinds of things is far faster than mine."

Maglor nodded and silently coughed a bit and rubbed the bandage at his neck slightly. Handa moved over a bit and said, "Move our head up a bit."

Maglor did and she moved the bandage slightly. She then stood up and grabbed some things from her desk. She dipped the bandage into a bowl and then walked over. She gently changed the bandages and sat down. "There. Done." She said.

Maglor nodded in thanks to her and looked up when Maedhros walked in with Celegorm. They both looked a bit concerned. Maglor frowned and signed to them 'What?'

"Kano..." Maedhros began. "...our followers who are in Hithlum need us right now. We got a message from them and-"

"-and we are sorry Kano but we have to go." Celegorm finished.

Maglor looked at them with a look of worry. He began breathing a bit raggedly, yet, he looked at Handa who put a hand to his shoulder. "You do know that if you need more time to stay...you can. You can do this." She said gently to him.

Maglor swallowed and nodded a bit. He looked to them and gave a small nod. Maedhros looked at him and gave him a firm hug. "If you need us, just send a letter and we'll be there," Maedhros promised.

"and don't worry, we won't leave until tomorrow," Celegorm said gently to him. Maglor nodded and took a deep breath.

Handa closed the notebook and handed it to Maglor. "Here, we can work later. If your brothers are leaving spend the rest of today with them."

Maglor nodded a bit and took the notebook and walked outside with his brothers.

Chapter Text

Many many years later…

Maglor looked up from his book as the door opened and Elrond and Elros came rushing in. He smiled and put it down as they dove at him. “What’s wrong?” He signed to them. 

“Nothing,” Elros said a bit too quickly which caused Maglor to shake his head but he smiled and put the boys on the ground.  “Okay. What happened?” He signed to Elrond who was standing there looking guilty. 

“Nothing we just wanted to see you,” Elros answered for his brother. 

“You are Elros,” Maglor signed. “Now. Elrond, what happened or am I going to find out later from your Uncle?” 

“We that vase that was in the hallway,” Elrond said causing his brother to shake his head and whisper something to him. Elrond looked at him then back to his father. “We are sorry Atar.” 

Maglor let out a breath and signed, “It’s fine. Let’s go clean it up,” 

“Okay,” The twins answered togeather. He then followed the boys into the hallway and bent down and had them help pick up the large pieces carefully while he took care of the smaller ones. Shortly after they got it all cleaned up and when they were done he brought them back to his study to talk to them. 

“Next time something like this happens just clean it up and tell your Uncle or me, alright?” He signed to them. 

“Alright,” They said. 

Elros then looked up and asked, “You aren’t going to punish us?” 

“I will talk to your Uncle about that,” He replied. Elros sighed and nodded along with his twin. Maglor sighed as he saw his boys frown so he bent down and hugged them both then proceeded to tickle them which caused both of them to squeal and giggle. After a few more moments of the onslaught of tickles, he let them go. 

“Alright. Enough playing, get back to your lessons. I will be there in a little bit,” Maglor signed. 

“Alright,” The boys said. They then headed off to the library as Maglor stood up and stretched slightly. He grabbed his journal before he headed off to meet the boys in the library. Yet, once he got there he chuckled since as he thought Elrond was there but Elros chose to go elsewhere. 

“Where is your brother?”Signed Maglor. 

“I do not know,” He replied. “I am sorry,” 

“It’s alright,” Maglor signed as he sat down next to him. “It’ll just have a private lesson with him later.” 

“Okay,” Elrond replied. Maglor opened up a book and opened his journal. He started up the lesson again switching off from either signing or writing in his journal. Elrond paid attention and did the work that Maglor gave him. An hour later as they cleaned up Maedhros came in carrying Elros in one arm. 

“I believe you lost this,” Maedhros said putting Elros down. Maglor and Elrond chuckled a bit as Elros walked over. 

“We’ll have a private lesson later. Now, both of you get ready for dinner,” Maglor instructed. The boys nodded before they ran off again. 

“Kano, a letter is here for you,” Maedhros then said. Maglor took the letter from him and opened it. 

“Who’s it from?” Asked Maedhros as he saw Maglor smile as he read it. 

“Handa,” Maglor signed. “I wrote to her in hopes asking if she came here and teach Elrond a bit of healing. After he’s already read through all the healer’s book we have, she replied and said she’ll be happy to.” 

“That’s good, maybe now I’ll finally stop tripping over those healer books when I say goodnight to them,” Maedhros said. Maglor chuckled a bit but then frowned and turned his head.

“Kano?” Maedhros asked. 

“It’s nothing,” Maglor signed a bit slowly. 

“Kano. What’s wrong? I know it is,” Maedhros said. 

“The last time I saw here the others-” Yet, halfway through Maglor stopped signing and his hands fell to his side. Maedhros walked over and hugged Maglor tightly. 

“I know. I miss them too,” He said softly. When he let go he gave his brother a smile and said, “Come on. We should go to the boys for dinner.” 

Maglor smiled a bit as he followed his older brother out of the room. He did miss them dearly but after the work, he did with Handa all those years ago he was much better. He was able to pick up his harp again and feel hopeful. Now, the feeling of hopefulness was dimmed at times but having those boys helped greatly. Even though at times it was still hard that he could not utter a single word but having Elrond and Elros around. Seeing their child-like excitement and just being a father to them...for that, he realized if he had to pick between those boys or his voice. He’ll choose his sons and besides, now he found that the notes he played on his harp were far more powerful. Every single note played was powerful and held meaning. At times Maglor wondered if his music now was more powerful then the words he once sang. Perhaps...and a small part of him wondered if these notes could perhaps even reach the Valar of to Eru Iluvatar. Who knew?

The End