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He was told he couldn’t sing, he was told he couldn’t dance. Yet he flourished denying those two things. He had gained the love of millions of people throughout the country and world alike. He had gained soul binding friends, ones he wouldn’t have made if he followed those two instructions. But, it was the reason he denied those two things, that he was confined to the place with the scent he detested so much.
Medicine wafted through the air, as if he alone were trapped in a giant bottle of cough syrup. Truthfully, he felt like he was. He had no reason to be happy; the room was freezing, there were two needles lodged into his hands, running cold liquids through them. A transparent muzzle was stuck on his face to help him breathe; it was the very thing he hated most. The room was colorless and dreary, like a padded cell made to drive patients insane. The constant beeping from his heart monitor drummed in his ears, serving as yet another painful reminder of where he was. His red hair was disheveled, more so than usual. His typically sun-lit eyes were clouded and dimmed, his skin pale and sickly.
In contrast to that, like an angel laying in snow, was Riku’s brother. Tenn was soundlessly sleeping beside him, with his head plopped on the side of the bed as he sat on a chair. The sight of his elder brother alone made Riku’s lips curve upwards as a wave of nostalgia washed over him. This is how it used to be. Before he.... Shaking the thought away, he shut his eyes and rebooted. There were a million things that could displease him and, at this moment, he was inclined not to let them win.
Perhaps it was the way the beeping noise began to speed up or Tenn had felt a pair of eyes focusing on him. Maybe it was due to Riku moving around too much, but regardless of the reason, the other had woken up from his slumber. His morganite eyes slowly opened to reveal themselves. Tenn’s pink, almost white, hair was just as messy as his twin’s. As soon as his senses came to him, he looked as if he was ready to jump from the spot, just like a cat that was caught by its owner as it did something bad. But what wrong could Tenn ever do? Well, apart from… Riku blinked continuously in confusion.
“Tenn-nii?” Riku’s voice was soft, quiet, and fragile like glass. Albeit with the mask on his face, it became warped, sounding like it was trapped within its confines.
“Riku…” Contrasting with his usual sharp, unwithering voice, Tenn sounded broken and even more fragile than Riku.
Tenn’s eyes peered away from Riku’s as his hand reached for a button stuck on the bed. However, before he could press it, a cold and shriveled hand enveloped his wrist, halting his action. Pink eyes darted back to the culprit, widening before a layer of water shrouded them. Scarlet hair swayed as Riku shook his head.
“You promised, Tenn-nii.”
Letting his hand drop, Riku’s fingers slipped off his brother’s wrist as he let him go. Tenn’s posture straightened and his eyes shut tightly. He had…promised, after all.
“I know.” The weight of the promise dawned on him. It wasn’t something that he could shrug off so casually, even if he did find it undeniably painful.
“Hehe, you were the one who said ‘I can't break the promise to my fans’!” He smiles, despite everything, trying to cheer up the twin who would have to bear an incredible burden.
Pink eyes darted open. To hear his words tossed back at him like that did not bring joy, but rather made Tenn’s heart sink further, causing his head to drop and his eyes to lock onto the ground.
- - -
Two weeks ago, Tenn had discovered an unfathomable truth. Riku’s health was getting worse, and by worse… he was dying. It was the cruelest jokes the universe could have spat at him. He had abandoned Riku before, and now he was the one being left behind. However unlike Riku, Tenn’s reunion would only come in the afterlife. As the days went by, the internal clock on Riku’s life continued counting down. He could almost see it. It was odd, seeing his twin made him ache, yet he had to see him, because soon after it would hurt the most not seeing him.
As the days passed and Tenn began to visit Riku more frequently, they started to speak a lot more casually with one another, talking about many things, most of them being lighthearted little topics.
‘Iori’s face always gets red when I try to take a picture of him. Yet when the professionals do it, he looks so cool! I wonder why that is!’
‘Our outer images are not one and the same with ourselves. It’s the persona they created for the public, for our fans.’
Riku would always stare in awe as Tenn offered his input -- he sounded as if he was wise beyond his years. The familiarity of the situation carried a bittersweet taste as it made him reminisce about their childhood.
Soon enough, as the deadline drew nearer, the topics changed. They grew more dreary and dark.
‘Tenn-nii you wouldn’t miss me much, right? I mean you left for so--’
‘Don’t say that. Stop talking. I don't like how you’re making it sound as if you’re going somewhere. I won't allow it.’
‘But…’
‘Put faith in the doctors operating on you, just as our fans put faith in you to appear each and every live.’
Those were the very words that would condemn Tenn into… into this.
- - -
He was standing on a stage built for his fans. He was wearing the costume made for him. He was singing his lines. He was dancing his parts. It really was some sick joke. Usually when twins traded places, it didn't involve the other dying. He’s not dying. He’ll be there when we switch back. The surgery will be a success. These were all thoughts that kept him smiling in front of the crowd, cheering for his brother.
The other six members knew exactly who it was in front of them, they knew who this imposter was. But, as much as it pained them, this was Riku’s wish. This was the promise Tenn had made to his twin. He would avoid disappointing Riku’s fans by momentarily stepping in his spot, by trading places and disguising himself as the other.
A memoir came to mind from where he stood, the similarity to what he had done before was uncanny. Long ago, Tenn took Riku’s place for rehearsal; that time he had done it to keep his brother’s health from depleting, to protect him. Just as he was doing now, making sure that his fans would never forget him. Throughout the live, throughout each song, glimpses of the past ran through like a photo album in his head. Monster Generation was the song that started it all, the familiar voice he had heard one night while taking a ride in the car with the other TRIGGER members. Joker Flag was the song that made him worry for his brother, something he would always do. Memories Melodies… the song in which Riku proved he was an idol, the song in which he promised he would reveal everything to him. Perfection Gimmick, even if he were simply an understudy, to step away from being the center managed to sting him a bit. Restart Pointer, one of his favorites… he could tell just how much Riku had grown.
Once all the songs ended and the crowd shouted ‘Encore!’ at the top of their lungs, he felt it. It was as if something had tugged his heart and crushed it. Like someone had punched him in his chest, knocking the air out of him. But he had to suppress that, he had to keep the promise to the fans; to Riku. But he knew, he knew that somewhere an angel had returned to heaven. As much as he wanted to scream, cry ,and tear the world apart, there was another promise holding him where he stood. Kujo made him promise that even if Riku died, that he would never stray from his side. Thus, he was shackled on this earth.
Kujo… three weeks ago… he had introduced Riku to him, they even had lunch together. It was one of the most chaotic things to ever happen, but amongst that, from the corner of his eye he could have sworn Kujo tossed something into Riku’s drink… No, of course he didn't. It was that mentality that would keep him in Kujo’s clutches long after.
- - -
A flight or fight instinct kicked in as I heard that familiar knock, as I heard the unusual amount of footsteps and machinery approaching. No… I can’t let fear in. After all, Tenn-nii said to have faith in the doctors. It’ll be okay. Tenn-nii can yell at me once I come out of this. He can slap me like he did last time! Then manager will be mad, but it’ll be okay!
I tried to calm my rapidly fluctuating heartbeats but they wouldn’t falter. My chest tightened and I felt like I was suffocating, like someone was holding my neck to keep me from breathing. The beeping grew louder and louder, making the doctors and nurses barge into the room. After that, everything is more of a blur. People’s faces became contorted and hazy, the noises started to fade.
Tenn-nii! I’m scared! I know I shouldn’t be, but… I am! You don't have to fulfill that promise anymore, just come back and stay beside me. I want to see you again! I want to see Iori again! I want to see everyone! I have a promise of my own, I told Iori I wouldn't abandon him! Please… let me be okay.
As they changed me from my bed onto a mobile one, as I parted ways with my parents, through a crack in the door, I could have sworn I saw Kujo-san smiling. But everything was so blurry, and my eyes were droopy, I must have been mistaken. After all, why would he be here, of all people?
Before I knew it, I was inside the operation room. Everyone looked horrifying, these were the people that could end my life, no… they were supposed to save it right. All I know is, I grew more and more sleepy… until everything became dark.
Then I disappeared.