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Namjoon wakes up first. Jimin sleeps soundly next to him, curled up with his face almost pressing against his knees and Namjoon yawns quietly as he observes him for a second and then grabs his phone. He feels warm, the sheets making him feel too hot and Namjoon just wants to lay back down and fall back asleep.
He scrolls through his phone instead, sitting up with messy hair as he yawns again, blinking tiredly at the phone and then back at Jimin.
It's a normal day. A normal morning. This has happened before.
But Namjoon tries to directly avoid looking at Jimin in the mornings because like all the other normal days, like all the other normal mornings, Namjoon thinks the same thing he always does.
He wonders what it'd be like to kiss Jimin's lips. He wonders what it'd be like to be able to stretch across his body and wrap around him and hold him close.
He wonders what it'd be like if they—
Namjoon looks away.
These mornings don’t happen too frequently. They only happen on nights they watch a drama together and one of them is too tired to drag his feet back to his own room. They only happen on nights one of them is sad and reaches out for comfort. They only happen on nights they need each other, they want each other, they seek each other.
He doesn't usually wake up first.
So, despite his best intentions or wants, he looks back at Jimin.
Jimin, beautiful in every regard, pretty in the sort of way that makes Namjoon never wants to let him go, that makes him never wants to let this beautiful soul out of his hands. Jimin is the stars that Namjoon used to look up to as a child, bright and beautiful and so so unreachable. He's far away out of Namjoon's grasp, only existing to comfort, burn, shine, and burn again.
Namjoon looks away and sighs softly.
Because one day long ago, Namjoon woke up and realized he wanted to kiss Jimin. And years have passed. And years have passed. Years of nothing at all, years of that feeling never going away, years of that feeling burning a hole in his heart, and years of nothing at all.
Years of nothing at all.
Namjoon is outspoken. He’s outspoken. Everyone knows he’s outspoken.
“Namjoon?”
Jimin sits up slowly and Namjoon looks at him again.
“Hey, you’re up.”
Jimin nods, yawning as he stretches. He’s pretty. There’s a hole burning in Namjoon’s chest.
“How long have you been awake?” Asks Jimin.
Namjoon shakes his head. “Not long.”
Jimin nods again, running his hands through his hair. “Did you sleep well?”
“No, not really.”
“Why not?”
Namjoon shrugs. “I think I just had too much on my mind last night. It was a bad night.”
“Even sleeping next to me?”
Namjoon can’t fight his smile even though he tries. “Especially because I was sleeping next to you.”
Jimin rolls his eyes. It goes quiet.
"Is there anything I can do to make it better?" Jimin finally asks. His voice is quiet and shaky. Namjoon wonders what he's thinking about. He wonders if he'll ever find the bravery to ask.
Namjoon is outspoken.
"No, it's okay. Don't worry about it, Minnie."
Jimin nods. "Okay," he says. "I won't."
Jimin stays with him for another half-hour, grabbing his phone and scrolling aimlessly through it as he shows Namjoon a funny tweet or an article he's reading. Namjoon lies back down with him and Jimin cuddles against him. Namjoon swallows.
This is normal. This is nothing at all.
This is just them.
Namjoon is outspoken.
Except he isn't.
When Namjoon wakes up, Jimin is already awake.
"Hey, sleepyhead," Jimin greets fondly.
Namjoon yawns at him.
"How long have you been up?"
"Like an hour probably. I was going to wake your ass up because I'm hungry but I didn't."
Namjoon groans and rolls over, hiding his smile into the pillow. "So, why didn't you?"
"You were too cute to wake up."
Namjoon rolls back over and looks up at him. "Am I now?"
He feels flirtier than usual. Braver. Namjoon's heart beats loudly in his chest.
This is normal though. Jimin knows that as well.
"Yes, you are. Super weird though."
Namjoon laughs. "But you like that, don't you?"
Jimin holds his gaze when he responds. "Yeah." His voice is quieter than he expected. "I do."
Namjoon looks away.
Namjoon is outspoken.
Except he isn't.
Namjoon and Jimin wake up at almost the same time. Namjoon, just seconds before, and Jimin, right after. They're facing each other, knees touching, and Namjoon's hand right next to Jimin's chest.
Jimin smiles at him.
"Hey."
"Hey," Namjoon says back just as softly.
Jimin swallows. He reaches forward and puts his hand on Namjoon's chest. Namjoon holds back a shiver.
"Sleep okay?"
Namjoon nods. "Yeah. You?"
Jimin pulls his hands back. "Yeah. I dreamed about you."
"About me? About what?"
Jimin shakes his head, laughing suddenly. "Nothing."
"You just said you dreamed about me."
"I did, but I don't think I can tell you."
That makes Namjoon pause. He doesn't say anything for a long moment, almost wondering if he should just let it be, but that bravery within him surges up again.
Finally, "Why can't you tell me?"
Jimin bites his lip and sighs. "It'll change things."
"Change what?"
"You ask so many questions."
"Yeah. I do. And you love me for it."
Jimin sighs and stretches, finally looking away up at the ceiling. Namjoon watches as he brings his hands down and places them on his stomach. Namjoon wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so much.
"I do."
Namjoon blinks. "Do what?"
"Love you for it."
"Ha. Told you so."
It can feel so awkward sometimes. It can be so much. Namjoon feels like he's drenching himself in cold and hot water when talking to Jimin sometimes. He feels like he'll suffocate. He feels like he's drowning.
He wishes he could just—
"Can't you just get it?" Jimin asks then. Namjoon doesn't know what he means. Jimin keeps talking. "Can't you just understand?"
Namjoon doesn't know what to say. Jimin lets out a frustrated sigh and Namjoon can't tell if it's directed at him or Jimin or both of them. Namjoon doesn't know what to say.
He doesn't know what to say.
Namjoon is outspoken.
Except he isn't.
"Hey, Jimin?"
They haven't gone to sleep yet. They haven't even had the chance to wake up. Namjoon's been thinking so much about what Jimin said, turning the words over and over again in his head, weighing what it could be mean, and finally, Namjoon comes to a conclusion.
Namjoon is outspoken.
"What?" Jimin mumbles sleepily.
"What was the dream you had about me?"
Jimin is quiet. And then, "That was like a month ago."
"I know. But… can you tell me?"
"I don't even remember it, Joon. I don't know, it could be anything."
"You remember it. I just… it's okay to tell me, Jimin."
Jimin opens his eyes. "What if I don't want to?"
"I'm in love with you, Jimin."
Namjoon is outspoken.
Jimin had dreamed they were getting married. Jimin tells him this through tears. Jimin tells him he loves him too. Jimin tells him he's loved Namjoon for years.
Jimin apologizes for not saying something earlier. Jimin apologizes for not speaking up.
Namjoon finally gets to kiss Jimin on an early morning with the sun rising in the background and it's sweeter than anything else, hot and cold, just like drowning and suffocating all over again, but this time it doesn't hurt.
This time it's good.
So.
Years and years pass. Years and years and years and years.
And every morning is just as sweet as the rest.