Chapter Text
As Barabara recalled, it’d all started with a knock on the door.
Well, a rather large banging and clattering outside the door, followed by silence, and then a timid knock. And that was how Beetlejuice had somehow come back into their lives only a few months after they’d gotten rid of him the first time.
Even now she could recall the way everyone had shrunk back at little when Delia had opened the door to reveal the filth covered man. Everyone except for Lydia. Lydia’s whole face lit up and she had practically dove into his arms. Surprising everyone, but possibly Beetlejuice most of all.
With the context Barbara had now this made much more sense, but at the time had been baffling and seemed like a huge betrayal. Her, sort of but not quite, daughter liked the man who had nearly been responsible for her exorcism more than she liked her. It had hurt.
The very first question they all had was what in the world was he doing back here at all?
“They kicked me out of the Netherworld.” Beetlejuice explained. “It was bound to happen once mom remanifested. She’s the reason I was in the living world in the first place last time. I don’t think feeding her to a sandworm won me any favors either. I mean, some of the ghosts like me a little more but….” He trailed off there.
“So basically your mom kicked you out of the house?” Lydia teased.
“Shut up, this is partially your fault anyway because of that stupid marriage thing.” Beetlejuice pouted. “I mean, she probably would have found another way to do it eventually, but that made it way easier.”
“What?? And don’t blame that on me, I got the idea from you to begin with. Also what does us having been married have to do with anything?” Lydia asked.
“It’s not ‘been married’ according to her. It’s ‘are still married’. I still think she’s bullshitting and making it all up just to be rid of me, but unfortunately she’s the ruler of the place so she gets to do that. Apparently the fact that I was technically undead before the wedding means that I was dead in the eyes of the contract because there’s no precedent for…. Well, me. And because death can’t “part” us the fact that I died shortly after means pretty much nothing.”
No one had known how to process that, so it was just collectively decided that they would address that at a later point in time.
“What does that have to do with…?” Adam waved his arms to indicate everything up until that point.
“Apparently, it’s a kind of loophole for the dead? If you posthumously get hitched to someone still alive you get a ‘Get Out Of The Netherworld Free’ card. It’s only good until said living person kicks the bucket of course. I mean, it doesn’t make them alive, it just puts them on the same plane of existence I’m in. That weird sort of limbo. They’re not demons so bringing them back from the dead takes a lot more work, and access to their old mortal body, and even then all you’ve really got is a zombie on your hands. I’ve only ever heard of it happening a few times but it didn’t really end well for anyone and I don’t really recommend it.” Beetlejuice was rambling and getting way off topic, but that seemed like a good place to stop him.
“Alright, so you’re in the living world again because you were kicked out of being dead because your marriage to Lydia stuck.” Adam said quickly, “but why come back… here?”
Beetlejuice just frowned and looked at the floor.
“Oh c’mon, don’t be dense.” Lydia said, rolling her eyes. She waves her hands at Beetlejuice as if just by looking at him the answer should be clear. And it was.
He was lonely.
Or rather, he was scared of being lonely again. No one could really blame him for that one. As far as they could tell from what they’d pieces together and what Lydia had told them Beetlejuice had been invisible and alone on earth for centuries with only an occasional ghost for company when he’d managed to trick them into staying on earth with him for a little while. The people in this house were the only people he knew who could see him and would, albeit begrudgingly for the most part, talk to him.
The four adults took to a different room and discussed this among themselves. But not before Barbara heard Lydia ask Beetlejuice “So, we’re still married huh?” in a worryingly suggestive tone. She was pulled out of the room by Adam before she could hear Beetlejuice’s reply.
After a very quick and heated debate where the Deetz were for and the Maitlands were against it was decided that they’d let him stay on a probationary period. As long as he was in his state of limbo and no one spoke his name three times he was generally harmless. And they’d have to read the Handbook for the Recently Deceased very carefully to make sure there weren’t any more weird loopholes he’d try to trick anyone into exploiting, and just in general to be forewarned about the sort of things he might pull to hurt them.
Lydia had already read the new copy with all the pages cover to cover a few times, so that would help. After being tricked into hurting someone she loved once because of something she didn’t know she vowed that that was never going to happen again. She really was a sensible girl most of the time.
“Lydia can’t be allowed to say his name three times again. Not after last time. I’m sure she knows this but we have to make it abundantly clear.” Charles said emphatically.
“I want him to stay away from her as much as possible.” Barbara said. “He might think because they’re married he’s allowed to take liberties with her.”
Delia, who had wandered off to peek through the door once she’d said her piece about him staying, gigglesnorted.
“I don’t think it’s him that we’re going to have to worry about.” She said quietly.
Barbara, recalling what she’d heard on the way out the door, bolted back into the living room.
For a split second she got a glimpse of Lydia sitting suggestively on Beetlejuice’s lap, her arms around his shoulders and whispering something to him that was turning the weird patches of discolored skin at his temples pink. In reaction to her bursting in on them Beetlejuice poofed himself over the armchair and fell into it with a thud, and Lydia quickly rearranged herself to look as innocent as possible on the couch.
“Hey Barbara!” Lydia said cheerfully. “So, have you guys come to a decision on the whole ‘Can Beetlejuice Stay’ thing?”
Barbara narrowed her eyes at Lydia suspiciously, but the girl didn’t flinch. She turned her glare to Beetlejuice, who twitched a little but otherwise didn’t give anything away.
When given the news that yes, under certain conditions, Beetlejuice could stay, Lydia had squealed and hugged her so hard her arms had nearly gone through Barbara’s insubstantial form.
Barbara supposed that was worth putting up with the fact that she’d be policing teenage hormones for the next 3 years.