Work Text:
me
oh my god
why do these things happen to me all the time, i don’t understand, am i cursed? do twinks imprint on me?
bucky
ok i was full on prepared 2 yell at u 4 waking me but i gotta hear this
me
ok so there i am minding my business omw to life drawing class when this guy full-out runs up to me
and tells me to take off my pants
and by this guy i mean TONY FUCKING STARK
bucky
…
steve
its 8 am
how do u even DO these things
me
beats tf out of me
buck what do i do??
bucky
why u asking me??
wait
steve
r u in fact wearing ur pants rn
me
well
bucky
wait no
i changed my mind i don’t wanna kno
me
shut up, he looked desperate
you know how his hair gets bird’s nest wild
bucky
ur crush is sickening n i want no part in this
me
it’s really cute
bucky, that’s not being a supportive best friend.
bucky
first of all how dare u
second of all i fully support u n will be the first to cheer when u actually ask him out/bang him
giving him ur pants off ur own ass when he asks is just desperate steve
wait
im already regretting asking this but
did u jsut drop trou in the middle of the quad
oh my god DID HE
me
BUCKY
no i did not
we adjourned to the closest bathroom where we exchanged pants, it was perfectly civilised and proper
bucky
OH PERFECTLY SURE
DID U SEE HIS DICK
me
JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES
bucky
u standing there yelling my name in chat is not answering my question steve
me
…
kinda
bucky
HO BOY
me
stoooop
i’m not a pervert! i closed my eyes and turned away and everything
bucky
sure as soon as u got an eyeful of the crown jewels u did
me
why do i even talk to you
all you do is embarrass me
bucky
gotta tell ya u do a great enough job of that urself there fella
also bc i’m ur best friend n ud be lost without me
when r u seeing him again
to, ahem, return the borrowed items
wait
why tf did he need ur pants anyway
r u sure this isnt just a ploy to ask u out
me
uh, yeah
he said he had chem lab and he was wearing shorts, you know you’re not allowed in the lab like that
bucky
ohhhh ok i buy it
esp if he had prof k
so??
me
...so what
bucky
so when r u seeing him to get ur pants back?
u r rnt u
its the PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
me
bucky this isn’t a romance novel
bucky
how the hell wud u kno
last time s/o tried 2 ask u out u thot theyd genuinely lost their dog n spent 2 hrs looking 4 it
me
how you have a 4.0 in eng lit i will never understand
bucky
steve
focus
this isnt abt txt spk weve had this convo b4. neway english is a living language tht evolves
me
you’re absolutely doing this on purpose now
this is an actual crisis wtf do i do buck
bucky
first of all chill
second of all mb consider breathing
third of all tell me u got his number or i will smack u so hard
me
i got it :)
bucky
YEAH
ATTA BOY
me
actually he texted me already
he wants to meet up to return them, says he owes me one
bucky
uh hello he does??
NOWS UR CHANCE
ASK HIM 2 BUY U COFFEE
do not ask him 2 buy u food
actually u kno what do it hes rich enough
me
sigh
i’m going into class now
i’ll see you later, buck
bucky
yeah pal
dont think this is over we gonna talk abt this
me
BYE
bucky
chkn
--------
me
hey
pants
did you just ‘hey’ me?
me
gmme a brk bn up snc 7
pants
oh my god you’re worse than bucky
can you maybe make actual words out of letters?
me
sry gramps
only so mny mins in a day
pants
did you want something or?
me
u kno ur kinda rude 4 s/o whs pants i have in my posession
pants
oh so you can make words
good to know, for a second i wondered if your reputation as a genius was just people sucking up to you
me
1st of all RUDE
2nd of all thrs def sm of tht but
& this is important
not ALL of it
pants
uh huh. not sure how much of that i believe.
me
blive wat u like not lk i can stop u
pants
okay, that was rude, i’m sorry
me
its fine
neway listen i owe u one lk srsly
wat can i do 4 u
i can throw in sm cash if u lk
pants
tony, i don’t want your money. i was kinda just looking to get my pants back. i like those, they’re comfortable.
me
cute
pants
also they’re no use to you, how many times did you have to roll up the legs? four? five?
me
ok NOT CUTE
u shd b nice 2 me
wat if i dump them n u nvr c them again
pants
i’ll be heartbroken, certainly, but i’ll find the will to keep living somehow.
me
ur kinda salty ne1 evr tell u that?
pants
actually, you’d be surprised.
me
huh
well listen not tht im not enjoying this but i got like 6 assignments due in the nxt 2 days so i gotta bounce
not sure how much daylight im gonna b cing netime sn so
listen whr r u rn?
pants
dorm. but i have an ethics class in about half an hour.
me
*half an hour*
who evn r u
in bldg 2c rite?
pants
yup.
me
ok can u wait outside 4 lk 5 mins whn u get thr i’m sending dume
pants
dume? like hume?
me
no like dummy
pants
oh.
me
ur thinking rn i just insulted sm1 rnt u
pants
well what else am i supposed to think?
me
wait n c
pants
this isn’t mysterious or murder-y at all.
me
hahaha
ur in public ull b fine
-------
pants
okay that took a turn, i admit i wasn’t expecting that at all
dummy is so cute omg
with his little pincer hand i can’t
this whole thing was worth it just to meet him
me
omg do u wake up just 2 B RUDE
wht am i chopped liver
pants
tony, i’m sorry to break this to you, i’ll try to be gentle but
you’re nowhere near as cute as your robot friend.
me
wow ur breaking up w me already thts a record its only bn 9hrs
pants
i think i just sprained something with how hard i rolled my eyes
it’s ok, your debt is repaid in full, you’re welcome, our transaction has been completed, etc. you can go back to being an evil genius now.
but. it’s been fun. and if you wanted to do it again, i would not be opposed.
me
uh
the pants part? pls tell me u meant th pants part
pants
was thinking more the talking part
but i guess if you wanted to not wear pants for that… i wouldn’t object.
me
…
i cant tell if ur flirting w me or if its just wishful thinking on my part
pants
um, the… former? very badly, apparently.
me
NO
no its not bad
its cute
i said ur cute already rite
my cards r on the table
my pants are negotiable
pants
you could even say they’re trans-pant-able.
me
OH MY ACTUAL GOD
ABSOLUTELY NO
THT WAS TERRIBLE
THE WORST
I LOVE IT??
WAT IS WRONG W ME
pants
i’d say where do you want me to start but i’m actively working on not being an ass over text anymore
i guess you just bring it out in me
me
c tht last bit thr? ur failing tht mission captain
pants
i’ll just have to work harder then. get more practice. wanna take one for the team and help me out with that?
say, on saturday around 6pm?
if your genius schedule permits, of course.
me
wow
wow tht was SMOOTH
i was not expecting that frm u mr sasspants
pants
hey now
also: not wrong. i guess you bring that out in me too.
me
i dont knw abt this
like
ur v cute
also hot
it wld NOT b a hardship
2 look at u, idk abt spking
pants
wow ok
let’s just forget it, i’m sorry i asked
me
WAIT NO
u interrupted me
wht i WANTED to say was
r u sure u wanna spend more time w me? im def not as cute as dume u had tht rite
also i say a lot of shit
see re: above
pants
uh
me
also i talk abt science like a lot?
i havnt cn a tv for lk a yr
nvmd movies n stuff
i cant make small talk is wat im trying (badly) 2 say
ull b bored
pants
why don’t you let me be the judge of that?
but seriously for a second, if you don’t want to you can just say no. i’m not into forced consent, like, at all. you don’t owe me this.
me
uh i know that?
also i just wanna say ftr tht consent is sexy
pants
consent is sexy. look at that, something we agree on.
me
color me shocked
so lk. we have a date?
pants
yeah. we have a date. :)
me
how r u so CUTE idgi
pants
i guess you’ll just have to wait and find out for yourself. :)
me
also? HOT. js
c u saturday cap
-------
me
morning :)
i had fun last nite
cant help but notice tho tht ur pants r still in my room ;)
pants
good morning, Tony :)
i had fun too :)
well, funny story, but i forgot them? just slipped my mind for some reason. any chance i can see you again to get them back for real this time?
me
steve
r u asking me 4 a 2nd date n going abt it in a rly weird way?
pants
….no?
yes.
sorry.
we don’t have to if you’d rather not.
me
omg
not 2 brite tho
steve ffs of course i wanna c u again wtf
ur hot n sweet n CUTE n RLY HOT n i like u. prob 2 much frm only having met u 2ce.
+ its bn a while snc i made it 2 a 2nd date
u sure u want 2?
pants
Tony, i asked you. yes. i want to see you again. and again. and probably some more after that, if you want.
me
cool
cool cool cool
thats. cool. yeah. lets do it.
pants
cool. :)
me
RUDE
jk its cool :*
-------
me
babe
i gotta tell u smth
i kno were kinda new
n i hope its not a dealbkr 4u
but
im keeping the pants.