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"There is something fishy about the goats" Kirishima says glaring at the small herd while hiding behind the fence.
"How can the goats be fishy? Are they mergoats?" Kaminari asks crouch by his side.
"Maybe they are shifter goats. Goats by day, manatees by night." Sero ponders crouched by Kaminari.
"I swear to the gods, I'm THIS CLOSE to using you three as dragon bait!" Bakugou yells at them before jumping over the fence.
"Bro! Come back here! They are going to see you!" Kirishima whisper-yells from his place behind the fence.
"Who is going to see me? The shepherds are already sleeping!" Katsuki made sure of it. He wouldn't steal a goat while the owners were around, that is why there are here in the middle of the fucking night.
"The mergoats, Baku!" Kaminari explains like it was obvious. "If they recognize you, they may report back to the farmers!"
Why on Earth does Katsuki have to put up with this amount of idiocy?
He decides to ignore what his followers are saying and close in on the herd. He needs to grab a goat, kill it and use it as bait when he goes to hunt a dragon. One may think this is an unnecessary amount of killing, but Bakugou needs a dragon tooth to prove to his mother he is a full-fledged warrior. He can't pay attention to fantasies of mergoats and magic sheep his friends come up with to avoid doing any actual work.
Besides, Kirishima's conspiracy theory about the herd is well known across the village. The redhead competed with headbutting the goats too many times. His whole brain got messed up and now the idiot actually believes the goats communicate with the farmers.
Ignoring the pleas of the three young Vikings that stayed behind, Katsuki takes his rope, ready to tackle down and tie one of the fat goats.
He walks slowly, trying to pick out the oldest and slowest one. Finally he spots his target: a brown and white goat that had just one horn.
Katsuki has seen this goat around for years, he is sure the animal is probably old enough that no one will even care if it goes missing. The shepherds will probably think it died of old age and that wolves ate the body.
He creeps in very slowly, trying not to startle it, "come to me you stupid ugly goat. You are going to get me a dragon."
The goat just stands idly, looking at him unimpressed while chewing on some grass.
"Yeah, just stay right there and let me-" when he gets close enough, Bakugou tries to carefully pass the rope around the goat’s neck carefully…
"BAKU! WATCH OUT!!" Sero's voice breaks through the quiet night, making Bakugou jump.
He furiously looks back at his friends, ready to make them fucking pay for startling him but then he sees it:
Kirishima running for his life with one big strong goat chasing after him. This black goat has huge horns and is trying its hardest to stick them in Kirishima's ass.
"HELP ME, BRO! THEY FOUND ME!"
Katsuki opens his mouth to give Shitty Hair a piece of his mind, but suddenly the whole world shifts axis and the air is knocked out of his lung.
It takes a moment before he realizes that Kirishima’s goat scared the old goat he was tieing and now his stupid ugly useless goat is running through the field while dragging Bakugou behind since the other end of the rope was wrapped around his arm.
“OH MY GOD! THEY ARE TAKING BAKU TOO!”
“I SWEAR IT WASN’T MY IDEA! PLEASE DON’T DROWN ME!”
Sero and Kaminari, as the useless assholes they are, scream from the top of the fence without actually trying to do anything about the situation.
“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF GOAT SHIT” Katsuki screams pulling the rope to force the animal to stop.
What happens next is hard to decipher. It may have been pure lack of luck or actually a complicated plot created by the goats to make sure the young Vikings would never try killing one of them again. The result, however, was clear:
Bakugou and Kirishima were catapulted to the other side of the east fence tied together by the rope that magically got loose from the old goat and wrapped several times around the two boys. They landed in the middle of the sheep herd with their faces in the mud (at least Bakugou really hopes it was mud) and their egos broken.
“I’m going to fucking kill you” Katsuki grunts to Kirishima, both of them still stuck on the mud(?) and tied together.
“I told you they were sneaky, bro! It was all part of their plot!”
“You better shut your fucking trap before I plot your murder- ARGH!” Bakugou screams when one baby sheep decides his hair looks like a particularly tasty piece of grass.
After that, Katsuki decides it’s better to make some money weeding out Aizawa’s garden and buy a goat from the butcher.