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"Oh no," Steve says, and he says it in the tone of voice that means oh shit from anyone else and he's looking over Bucky's shoulder. And wincing.
Bucky turns. So do Dugan and Gabe. They're all just in time to see a bottle-blonde and two brunettes come out of the tent set up for the delayed performance troupe, the blonde peering around with a scowl on her face, and just in time to see her spot Steve and watch the curious scowl turn to absolute wide-eyed outrage.
"STEVEN GRANT ROGERS YOU STAY RIGHT THERE!" she shouts at the top of a very impressive set of lungs, storms to the edge of the boards put down so the ladies weren't sleeping in the mud, glares at said mud, and then at her heels, yanks off those heels one by one, slapping them into the hands of one of the brunettes, and then storms across the mud in her stocking feet towards them. Katy Mulligan couldn't've done it better. Actually, Katy Mulligan couldn't've done it.
Steve's suppressed look of terror is hilarious, and seriously brightens Bucky's otherwise shit mood. "I take it back," Bucky says in an undertone as the girl gets closer. "I don't envy you at all."
The blonde stops about five feet from Steve, plants her feet hip-width apart in the mud and her hands in fists on her hips, tosses her hair back, lifts her chin and says, "Well? What have you got to say for yourself?"
She's gorgeous, if you can either look past the fury or find that kind of thing adds to gorgeousness. Her hair is definitely peroxide blonde but it looks great on her, in careful curls with stage-red lips and a face that's probably sweet when it doesn't look like she's about to grab your rifle and shoot you. She's got a Southern accent and an amazing figure.
She's also got Steve looking like Sister Michael just caught him doodling instead of paying attention to his history lesson. Which looks even fucking funnier on a Steve who's over six feet tall.
"Look," Steve says, which Bucky could tell him is the wrong way to start with a woman this mad, "I didn't - "
Predictably, being as the first words out of his mouth aren't an abject apology, Blondie cuts Steve right off with, "Do you have any idea how worried we were? All of us!" and she flings one arm backwards to the brunettes who've stayed prudently on the boards. "What in God's name were you thinking? Why didn't you say something?"
"Well," Steve tries, "I didn't think - "
"Well that's damn well clear enough," Blondie says, planting her fist back on her hip again. "Steven Rogers you are the most ridiculous man alive - you didn't think for a second did you! What, did you think we'd, we'd - turn you in?" she demands, her voice going up an octave and getting a lot louder, making it pretty clear she's deeply offended by the very idea. When Steve winces, she adds, "You complete fool, Steven, if you'd said a damn word we could have come up with a story, we could have covered for you but no, no you just steal Linda's helmet and hare off into God only knows what without a moment's consideration or thought! God's sake, Steve! Distance between here and Austria you couldn't've even been halfway there before we found you missing and sent everyone panicking because we didn't know, they might've been able to get someone to stop that plane! Don't you ever dare do something like that to me again!"
She stops, Bucky thinks mostly because she has to in order to catch her breath, which is kind of distracting given she's wearing her stage outfit. He's having to actually cover his mouth to keep from laughing, but so far Blondie is pretty much deliberately ignoring them.
When Gabe fails to suppress a snicker, though, suddenly they're all getting her full sweeping glare. Her eyes linger on Gabe, and for a minute Bucky thinks about her accent and wonders if they're going to have a problem; then she takes a deep breath and draws herself up with all the dignity you can get into five feet.
"Not that you didn't rescue some fine men," she says loftily, "and not that that isn't important, but for the love of God Steven you have got to start thinking before you do things. Now be a polite boy and introduce me to your friends."