Work Text:
If you asked anyone they'd tell you Schlatt is probably overworking himself.
But to him he's not doing enough.
It's times like these that YouTube's insanely detailed analytics are both a blessing and a curse. While his overall analytics are doing well he can't help but notice the occasional drops and the passive-aggressive messages the youtube studio provides when a video doesn't do as well immediately.
It's not just YouTube of course, there's also twitch. There's the never ending train of thought of viewer retention, viewer retention, gotta keep em coming back, can't stop now.
If there's one thing Schlatt is, it's a perfectionist, damned as he is. When he gets off work exhausted his thought isn't "I should take a break." It's I'm not taking advantage of the platform I've been given .
He's grateful to be here, he loves his life and that he has this opportunity, but above it all he's scared.
He's terrified of losing his platform before he can make the most of it. Scared of letting this opportunity slip by, everyone forgetting him, becoming old news. He didn't think he'd get here and now that he is he doesn't want to stop here.
But he's also terrified of what comes after the rise to fame. What of his future, a career? Youtube won't last forever, this isn't sustainable. He can't even imagine quitting college for the chance of fame. Schlatt may be many things, but he's not an idiot. He wouldn't risk his career and financial stability for what is still a hobby.
He can't afford to make the wrong decision here.
So of course he says "I can handle this" as he juggles streaming, college, and a 9 - 5. He doesn't have a choice. He refuses to give up on either of these things.
So what if he's tired? He has content to make, expectations to live up to.
But god is he fucking tired. He wakes up tired, goes to sleep tired, spends most of the day tired. But he has a routine and he follows it to a T. He just has to get through the day, he tells himself, it'll be fine. He's fine. It's fine.
He is not fine. His boss has commented on his lack of energy, has asked what's up. He stumbles on the explanation and probably leaves his boss more confused.
He really doesn't know what he's gonna do when the semester really kicks into gear. The mere thought sends him into a panic-
He can't keep this up. He needs to take a break.
That evening he sits in bed staring at the message on his phone, finger hovering over the send button which will send the tweet to all his followers and friends alike, and will be admitting he has bitten off more than he can chew.
"Feels like I've had zero energy lately. Gonna take a break from streaming and come back at 100%"
Schlatt could sleep for a million years right now, and yet he doesn't hit send, he can't bring himself to. He's filled with dread at the thought of disappointing his fans and friends alike, of losing the traction he gained- or his motivation. Scared of school getting in the way of streaming if he lets up, and he'll fall behind on uploads and lose subs and-
He hits send before he can second guess himself more. The next five minutes become a reversed rehash of the last where now he hovers over the tweet ready to delete. To his relief, the amount of support and backing up he gets from his fans and friends is overwhelming and some honestly quite touching. He doesn't know what he did to deserve it, but the relief is immeasurable.
He can feel his body sag from it when he puts his phone down. " We'll still be here when you get back ." They had said. His friends weren't going to drop him at the first sign of trouble. He could take a break every once in awhile, the people who mattered would still be there when he's done.
He didn't have to be "on" all the time. He can recharge in peace instead of letting the battery drain and burning out- an entirely separate fear he'd rather not think about right now, thank you very much.
He could finally get a decent night's sleep too, a prospect that was sounding incredibly more enticing by the minute.
The fallout of working himself up just now is that he's too tired to do much else, so he retires early, excited to get things back on track soon enough.