Archive of Our Own

“Hey, Iggy! Whatcha doin’?” Dorothea asked, her chin resting on his shoulder suddenly. (The position wasn’t the most comfortable considering their height difference.) Ignatz flinched and dropped his paintbrush, also hitting Dorothea’s face. Hard. In the span of a few seconds, Ignatz had done what only he could do. Be a massive wreck. 

He spouted a slew of apologies as he wasn’t sure whether to tend to Dorothea or the now (expensive) spilling paint. 

“I-I’m so sorry! You scared me!” Ignatz sputtered out, his hands reaching towards her. She swatted them away with her free hand as she rubbed her face with the other. She should’ve expected that knowing how jumpy he is. 

“No. No, it’s fine. I should’ve seen that coming.” Dorothea sighed as she bent down to pick up the forgotten brushes and paints. “Aw, and it was all blue paints… I’ll pay you back when I can!” She solemnly said, watching the blue paint run onto the grass. 

“No! It’s fine, I ground it myself. No cost needed.” Ignatz stood up and placed everything back on the stool he was using. “Wait. How did you know blue paints are expensive?” 

“I was a songstress. I know about the arts too y’know. I remember my tailors complained about the price of blue-dyed robes I had to wear for this one show. I’m more than a pretty face…” Dorothea pouted with a cock to her hips. Ignatz sputtered once more and waved his hands. 

“I-I didn’t mean anything by it!” 

“I’m only teasing, sheesh.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Please, don’t apologize. There’s nothing to be sorry for…” 

“I’m sorr-“ 

“Say sorry one more time and I’ll give you something to be sorry about.” Ignatz kept his mouth shut. “Good.” An odd silence fell upon them as he waited for Dorothea to say something else. She rolled her eyes and sighed. “So… what are you using all these blue paints for?” She smirked, cupping her chin. His face turned red once more as he kept his eyes focused on the canvas. But what was on the canvas was what was a whole new deal. 

The bare beginnings of a layer of paint were splattered on it, but even if the paint didn’t convey any form, the sketch underneath it sure did. And it was that sketch that was making him even more flustered. 

By the distinct pattern on the cloak, the hairstyle, and the neutral expression on it, it was clear who the form was. 

“Oh! Is that supposed to be our dear professor?!” Dorothea loudly and sarcastically gasped. Ignatz shushed her and covered the canvas with his body as if that would wipe Dorothea’s memory. She gently pushed him aside to get a closer look at it. “Yep, it’s them alright. You got a good hand on their… proportions. Almost as if you’ve been observing them… intently.” Dorothea winked and watched the poor boy’s face become a deeper red. 

“No! That’s not-! Listen! Uhm, Lady Rhea commissioned me to do portraits of the professors to hang around on the main floor of the monastery. That’s all.” Ignatz huffed as he picked up his brush again and resumed painting. 

“Still doesn’t explain the amount detail in it without a reference,” Dorothea said and as she finished, Ignatz’s hand jerked a bit. 

“A good artist has to be able to take in their surroundings and observe them intently to achieve the best result. You wouldn’t go on stage without warming up your voice, would you?” Ignatz explained as he continued painting, pushing his glasses back up. The tone in his voice attempting to masquerade the cracking in it. Even from the angle, Dorothea was standing at, she could still see the corners of his face dusted in pink. She rolled her eyes at his attempt to sway the conversation.

“Well, you make a compelling argument. But, you should still wipe that paint off your face before class starts. You know, gotta look good if you want to impress someone.” Dorothea stuck her tongue out and watched as he scrambled to find a spare napkin. Yep… the kid was love struck. “I’ll be in the garden if you need… advice.” She ruffled his hair before walking away. It was Ignatz’s turn to swat her hands away as she giggled and walked off, the grass muffling her steps. Even when walking away, she could hear the snide huff underneath his breath as he continued to paint. 

Even after he carried his canvas back to his room, (covered in a tarp, mind you, he wasn’t about to have another Dorothea come and question his art) what she said did linger in his mind. 

It was quite understandable to know a lot about the physical details about your teacher, of course. He is forced to look at them for extended periods, for multiple times a day, a week. So it’s only reasonable to know that Byleth’s smile rises only halfway, but enough to crease the corner of their eyes. Or how bright their eyes get at the stray cats that wander around the monastery. Or how they walk with such confidence in their stride that it seems that every step they take is painted in gold. Or how their laugh is very cu-

No. 

No. 

No. 

No. 

Bad! Bad Ignatz! He hit his head against the wall and slumped down, pushing the blankets off the bed with his feet. He pulled his knees up to his chest and groaned. His glasses nearly falling off his face as he rubbed his eyes hard. 

He knows better than to think about his professor like that. It’s a weird imbalance between them and their students. Then again… they’re aren’t that much older than the rest of the students. A-And he’s seen how they’ve interacted with the others. They never carried themselves with any authority over them as Hanneman or Manuela do. When they do speak, they always talk in a tone that’s comfortable and seems to put everyone at ease. Plus, he’s seen how everyone has attempted to court them at some point. 

Sylvain and his silver tongue didn’t hesitate to try to hex the professor with whatever spiel he always has. It ended with him being forced to submit a paper about the importance of respecting personal boundaries by the end of the week. Ignatz has seen how Edelgard and Dorothea tend to lean very close to them and happen to always be there to assist them in any way. Even his house leader, Claude, wasn’t immune from saying a subtle, flirtatious compliment about the teacher. How was he supposed to answer Claude’s question about who was more beautiful: the goddess or their teacher?! 

But if that’s the more egregious attempts, then it should be ok and harmless to have one, only one, indulgent thought about Byleth. 

They have a really cute laug-

He screamed as he slammed his face into his pillow in a vain attempt to muffle his screams. He can’t even finish that thought without killing his brain cells with how hot his face is getting. Gods, he’s a mess. An utter mess. He should stop this type of behavior before it takes over his sanity. 

“Ah, your painting is coming along since the last time!” Dorothea cupped her hands and cheered. She’s learned from last time and stood a few paces near Ignatz. Away from his hands. He didn’t flinch, which Dorothea was proud of, and turned to her. 

“Thank you! I’ve gotten the base and second layer of paint done, so far. I think it’s progressing quite nicely.” Ignatz smiled at his work. Dorothea simply hummed as she walked closer to the piece. 

“Do you always leave the face to be done last?” She asked, tilting her head. The entire base colors had been filled in, except for the face, in which the faded sketch lines were still there. 

“I… haven’t gotten the confidence to do it yet. I was planning on doing it when I feel like I have a good grasp on them.” Ignatz mumbled, his brush wavering a bit. “I don’t think I’m ready especially since the face is the most important part of any piece. If I mess it up, I ruin the whole painting.” He continued. 

“Why not just bring them in and sit for you? Surely that’s enough for reference?” Ignatz’s face reddened again at her suggestion. He put his brush down before accidentally messing something up. 

“No! I can do it without them!” Ignatz yelled out. There was a glimmer in Dorothea’s eyes that scared him to his core. 

“But doesn’t a good artist use references and how it’s not cheating to do so?” She asked in this sarcastic, baby talk voice to him. 

The other day, in the dining hall, he and Hilda had gotten into an argument about using references in art and how, according to Hilda, it’s lazy and cheating to use references. Which was rich coming from her, but it escalated to a loud rant from him about the importance of references to learn and for accuracy. He stopped ranting about halfway when he noticed the entire dining hall staring at him and how that was probably the loudest he’d ever been. In the corner of the room, Byleth had been staring with an expression he’d never been able to properly read. Then he bolted out of there, forgetting his lunch. He was grateful for Raphael to bring him some extras. 

So, he did not argue his own words. He pouted a bit before ignoring her. 

“You didn’t have a problem bringing Hanneman or Manuela over when you painted last time.” She continued to interrogate. 

“That was different! I needed to see exactly how his wrinkles were like and Manuela just wanted to make sure I made her “look nice”. She said something about making a good first impression on a possible suitor.” Ignatz flatly said as he went to grab his cup of water.

Dorothea snorted at how bluntly he said that before taking a step back at the sudden spit take from Ignatz. She watched as he coughed out dirty paint water. She covered her mouth, whether it was from actual shock or to keep herself from laughing, she wasn’t sure. She rushed over and gave him the actual drinking water and patted his back as he continued to cough it out. 

A long sigh escaped her lips as she realized how much work it was going to be to get this kid up to… bachelor standards. 

“Hey, Iggy, are you ok?”

“Y-Yep… just fine…” He strained out, standing upright and then heaving once more. It only took a while for him to compose himself. 

“Listen… How about I ask the professor for a cup of tea and you just happen to also be painting while we are drinking?” Dorothea proposed. Ignatz waved her off. 

“No! I’d… like to ask them myself.” Ignatz mumbled. She smiled and clapped his back. 

“That’s the spirit! I pass the mantle to you, dear Iggy.” She winked and helped him back up before he could fall again. “I don’t like helping out the competition, so I’m going to be your coach instead!” Ignatz gave her the typically confused puppy dog eyes he always has. 

“Wha?” 

“It’s obvious you’re falling for the professor. It’s quite cute actually. So is everyone, unfortunately. But they don’t have me, so you’re already two paces ahead! But… everyone else is like, several moons beyond you. But you never know, things can work out!” Dorothea’s voice lowered as Ignatz simply went back to his painting. “Well, I’m here if you need someone. Seeya, Iggy.” She almost expected a sarcastic remark from the kid but when she turned around, all she saw was him kicking at the ground, mindlessly digging in the dirt. 

He wasn’t pining over the professor. Nope. He knew clearly what happened the last time he harbored feelings for someone. 

Back when he was still traveling with his parents, there was a girl in the town they were staying at for a while as his parents sold goods to the citizens there. 

She was soft-spoken but kind. He noticed his parents often giving each other gifts as signs of endearment. So he got the bright idea to draw a portrait of her. His hands shook into the night as he secretly worked on the drawing for her. 

What he didn’t expect was her bawling at how ugly the gift was and running off. He begged his parents to leave the town after that. 

Even now, he still finds his brain flashing back to that moment at random points at night. He can still feel his body shrivel up with cringe at it. 

After that, he never really knew who’d care about him… romantically. He knew people loved about him, but it was the one-on-one companionship he craved. But for some reason, he never received. 

Maybe it was the glasses? Other people looked smart in them, not him. It was probably his hair also. He had been teased about the style of it as if Lorenz wasn’t in his class. It was probably also the way he carried himself. Who’d want to try him when there were people like Ferdinand, Felix, and Claude to sample from? Byleth deserved better than him. 

He buried his face into his hands as he stared up at the ceiling, wondering when it would collapse on him and end these thoughts. 

But what if… what if things did work out as Dorothea said? No, he shouldn’t be thinking like that again. He knew if he started, he’d never stop and it would only hurt more when they don’t come into fruition. It’s all just hypothetical. Nothing can happen. But what if… he could just let his mind wander? After all, hypotheticals are just that. Hypothetical. They only exist in the vacuum of his mind. They can’t do any harm.

It was that push that drove him to the deep end. 

He clutched his pillow tightly as he wondered what it would feel like to hold their hand. They’re probably a bit rough from all the weapons handling. But they always look inviting. He tries to remember how they felt when his fingers brushed against theirs as he got back his work. It’s with that series of thoughts, he finally falls back to sleep. 

And when he awakes, his thoughts rush back to him as he wonders what their routine is like. Maybe it was similar to theirs or vastly different. During class, he wonders about taking up Dorothea’s offer. He shakes his head. No, if he’s going to face Byleth by himself, he’d rather ask on his own. 

He wonders what kind of tea they like. They seem like a camomille type of person. Maybe they also liked Lavender blend! He should try his hand at making cookies and treats for them as they ate. He really wants to see that smile as they talked. It was very cute and the way their teeth showed as they smiled was also lovely. 

He wonders… what it would be like… to lean in and kis- 

He felt a small and hard object hit his head. Several snickers surround him as he rubs his head and looked up. His eyes darted around the room, trying his best to take in his surroundings. 

Up in the front was Byleth, holding some chalk in their hand, fiddling with it. He looked down and saw a piece of chalk roll near him. 

"As my star pupil, I expect you to be more focused!" Byleth yelled out, causing a wave of more laughter from the other students. He tried to keep a straight face, but it was impossible as he tried to cover his face with his book. 

"Now, Ignatz, I'll repeat, what mastery skill does a cavalier obtain?" 

"Desperation!" He confidently yelled. If Ignatz can't impress them on the battlefield, the best he can do is try in class. 

"Very good! See, Linhardt, you too can be like Ignatz when you don't pay attention and still get full credit." Byleth sarcastically said, as everyone laughed once more at Linhardt, who was predictably asleep at his desk. They threw another piece at the poor boy and he jolted upright. 

"42!" He yelled out in a sleep-induced haze. The entire class hollered in laughter as Byleth tried to settle them down again and continue their lesson. 

With a sigh, Ignatz listened intently, swatting away any thoughts that would distract him. He needed to be good in class. 

The church bells had rung and immediately everyone began to pack up and leave the classroom. He took his time putting his stuff away as he tried and gather the resolve to ask them for a cup of tea. Although, he certainly wasn't expecting to see Byleth hovering over his desk. 

"[My apologies! Did I scare you?]" They signed, their expression on their face painted with concern. They tended to sign when up close with one person. 

"No! I didn't expect you to be so close!" He said as he tried to awkwardly sign too. While everyone knew sign language, a few could do it. Fortunately, he was one of them! His parents taught him so they could communicate without being loud and attracting monsters. 

Byleth smiled and pushed his hands down. 

"[It's fine. But, I came to apologize about earlier in class.]" 

"There's nothing to be sorry for!" 

"[No, it wasn't right for me to call you out in front of the whole class.]" They fidgeted with the wood of the desk. 

"I wasn't paying attention, I should be called out for it." 

"[Yes, but, knowing you, it wasn't appropriate. But I had enough confidence in you to get the correct answer anyway.]" His chest swelled with pride with that compliment. "[Meet me by the garden later for a cup of tea as an apology.]" They smiled as they finished signing. He swears if he stays in that room, his heart was going to burst. He'd reach a state of adrenaline where he feels calm. 

"Of course! I'll be there!" He yelled out, bouncing up with a smile. Byleth grinned at his reaction. 

"[Cute. Very cute.]" They signed with a giggle. He's going to combust on the spot. "[Well, I'll see you in an hour. I've got to finish grading for now.]" They waved before walking back to their desk. He sprinted out the door, slamming it in the process. 

All of these warm feelings consumed his chest as he ran down the stairs to the outside with a bounce at each pace. Today was a very good day, yes it was. 

"You're in a good mood." Someone commented. He stopped and looked around the grass. "Over here!" Someone shouted from behind him. 

"Oh, Lysithea! How can I help you?" He chirped, walking towards her. 

"I don't need your help!" 

"It's just a greeting…" 

"Oh, well… you're still in a good mood." 

"Yes! The professor asked me to join them for tea later!" He bounced a bit in place, gripping his hands. 

"I was wondering when the class pet would be asked for tea. Everyone else has had tea with them at some point." Even that revelation didn't kill his mood. Lysithea blinked at his unwavering happiness. 

"They also called me 'cute'!" He bragged. He knew deep down it was a pitiful thing to brag about, but at the moment it felt like the world. 

"How do you not find that condescending? They're treating you so childishly!" Lysithea pouted. 

"I don't think they meant any harm by calling me cute. It's just an endearing term. It's like if I called you cute." He reasoned. She immediately stood up straight with her arms flat at her side. 

"Call me cute and I will smite you." Lysithea pointed a finger at Ignatz as bits of static sparked at the tip of it, nearly shocking him. He took a step back. 

"Do I need to stop Lysi from picking on poor little Iggy or what?" Dorothea walked up from behind and cocked her hips. 

"No it's fine, we're a part of the same house. We can tease him." Lysithea huffed. Dorothea turned to Ignatz and raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, it's part of the deer code." Ignatz sighed. 

"You should join the Black Eagles then! We treat all our members with respect!" She bolstered with a smile. 

"You guys put Caspar's axe on the top of the kitchen cabinet and set up air horns in Linhardt's room." Lysithea flatly said. Silence. 

"Anyway, how are you, my dear?" Dorothea chimed and put an arm around Ignatz. 

"Great! The professor invited me to tea today!" Ignatz beamed. Dorothea gasped and let him go and clapped her hands. "They even called me cute." Dorothea squealed and pinched his cheeks, earning a groan from Lysithea. 

"I'm so proud of you! Ugh, you killer!" She squealed, swaying side to side. 

"You really can't condone this behavior, can you?!" Lysithea snarled. Ignatz shrugged as Dorothea continued to pepper him with affection. "I still don't understand why that matters to you so much-" She stopped talking as everything fell into place in her head. Her mouth became an o-shape as the other two stopped also. 

"You have a crush on the professor?!" She yelled out loud, immediately bringing everyone else's attention to them. Ignatz waved his hands at her face in an attempt to shut her up before she could finish yelling. He watched as everyone was staring at the trip and the commotion. 

"Shush! I mean, no! Yes! Actually!" He sputtered out. He was so happy just a few seconds ago. 

"At least red compliments green…" Lysithea muttered, making him blush even more. Dorothea smacked the back of her head at the comment and watched as poor Ignatz broke down in the middle of the yard. Dorothea looked up from the scene in front of them and saw a familiar figure walking towards them. 

"[Is he ok?]" They signed, standing behind the kid, unaware of anything beyond what was happening in his head. The two girls opened their mouth before shutting them again and just shrugging. Their expression remained neutral as they tapped Ignatz's shoulder. He immediately jumped before snapping to see who it was. Byleth awkwardly smiled and waved at him. 

"[I finished grading early. Everyone did good, especially you. We can have that tea now if you like?]" They smiled warmly and held up a basket towards him. They turned to the two girls. "[Unless you're busy at the moment.]" 

"No! I'm not busy!" He cried out, straightening himself. Byleth giggled again. 

"[Very cute.]" They signed before walking off. They stopped to find Ignatz standing still. "[Would you like to walk with me?]" They finished by reaching out their hand. Ignatz quickly nodded and ran to catch up with them, walking side by side with them to the garden.

Dorothea and Lysithea watched them walk away. An odd silence fell between them. 

“How long till they reject him?” Lysithea coldly asked, getting a smack on the back of the head in return. “I was joking!” She rubbed the back of her head, sucking her teeth. “I don’t wish him the worst, y’know?” 

“We should still help him though,” Dorothea suggested. Lysithea hummed and watched how Ignatz was smiling wider than she had ever seen. 

“I thought you also liked the professor?” Lysithea asked, neither of them looking at each other. 

“Yeah, but oh well, you win some, you lose some. I at least have options. Ignatz… well…” They both watched as he tripped on his shoelace, barely reaching the ground before the professor had caught him. “He needs a support system.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be the nice one?” Lysithea laughed. 

“I’m nice! I’m also… realistic.” Dorothea said. It was silent again. “We should follow them.” Lysithea nodded as they made a run for the shrubbery. 

They both sat down at the table that was near the garden. The greenery here was always his favorite part of the monastery. The various shades and hues of all the colors of the rainbow amazed him. Whenever he was art blocked, he liked to simply paint the flowers that were blooming here. Forget-me-nots were his favorites. 

“The flowers that Mercedes planted are gorgeous, aren’t they?” Byleth asked. Ignatz looked away and glanced at them. He admired their slight smile at the flowers. There was a spark that was there in their eyes again that he craved for. There was a grace in them that he couldn’t describe and by the gods that he couldn’t replicate. There was a quick surge of energy in his chest, a small burst of confidence, to ask them to sit with him as he painted. But it was quickly gone when Byleth turned back to him, expecting an answer. 

“Yes, they are! I especially like the forget-me-nots scattered there. In most floral arrangements, forget-me-nots are mostly used as decorative bits. They help accentuate the bolder flowers like peonies, dahlias, and lilies. Rarely you’ll find an arrangement where forget-me-nots are the centerpiece.” Ignatz rambled. 

There was a small flower shop that bought from his parents and they had the most gorgeous arrangements there. Each of them delicately crafted based on color and meaning. His mother once asked in passing which were his favorite flowers. She laughed at him when he said it was the forget-me-nots and not something like roses or more… universal. 

“Well, I think there’s beauty in support. The strongest soldier would die on the battlefield if they weren’t accompanied by a healer. And the healer would have no purpose if not for the soldier.” Byleth commented as they pulled out the tea kettle and a small basket. Ignatz grinned at how they can seem to relate everything to combat. 

A small white teacup settled in front of him with a soft clack. Byleth shuffled through the basket, occasionally looking at various bags of tea leaves before shaking their head and looking away. 

Ignatz watched the rack of pastries and cookies sat to the side of the table. Did they bring all of that with them? He should’ve asked to help carry that basket. 

The gentle falling of a leaf into his cup broke him out as he listened to the gentle pouring of water. 

“Would you like some tea?” They asked with a smile. Ignatz smiled back and nodded as they poured the water. He waited for it to cool and took a sip. His eyes widened at the minty floral taste. 

“Is this lavender?” He asked and they nodded and took a sip themselves. “I’m not very discerning, but I do love this kind of tea.” He mentioned as he took another sip. There’s something oh-so relaxing about drinking tea. He’s more shocked that he hasn’t made a complete fool of himself yet. It’s a weird state of anxiety because of who's in front of him, but also serenity because of who’s in front of him. 

“So, how have you been? I hope you know you’re one of my top students.” Byleth complimented. Ignatz weakly smiled. 

“Am I?” He feigned ignorance. He kinda already knew he was a good student as he remorselessly fished for a compliment. To which he was glad the professor was more than happy to give. 

“Of course! I don’t mean to talk bad about my other students but by the gods. When Linhardt is always sleeping in class and Hilda barely shows up, you’re like as if the goddess gave me a blessing.” They complained while laughing. 

“Trust me, I try my best to get Hilda to come to class, but you know…” He felt at ease at the sight of their grin at his comment. Gods, he wanted more of it. The conversation continued to flow naturally and slowly he was put more and more at ease. The fear of saying something wrong near them died as he soon realized, he can’t say anything wrong near them. His shoulders loosened as they both leaned in and kept talking. 

“You won’t believe what Manuela did next!” They cried out. Ignatz leaned in closer and nodded. 

“What?” 

“She says ‘two shots of ale’ and poured half the bottle!” Byleth hollered out with a scream as they throw their head back in laughter, slamming the table with their hands. For a split second, it didn’t register what they said. Not because he didn’t understand, but at the sheer emotion they had just exerted. 

It wasn’t a secret that Byleth wasn’t the most readable person here. It’s quite rare to see their expressions change beyond a small grin or anything more than neutral. He was shaken at how much energy they had. He was more in awe than anything. 

Everyone else also seemed to notice the pair as they all stopped and watch Byleth’s laughter die down to a giggle. They blinked at how Ignatz held his cup mid-air, not moving. 

“[Is everything ok?]” They signed, stunned at the sudden halt of energy. Ignatz blinked and shook his head. 

“Yeah! Oh! She said that?! No wonder, sometimes I’ll find her asleep in the infirmary mid-day.” He blushed as he talked. Byleth hummed and as quickly as that energy came, it went. They rested their chin on the palm of their hand as they guided the conversation. Ignatz did his best to follow, still shaken at the rawness of their laughter. Their talk had quieted down to the point where he could eat the forgotten pastries. 

“Those paintings of Manuela and Hanneman that are hanging are gorgeous, aren’t they?” They asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. Ignatz took another sip. “Truly, someone must be very talented to have made such lovely portraits.” They continued. He muttered out a ‘yeah’ under his breath and took another sip. They were staring directly at him. Their cheek resting on the palm of their hand. 

“I wonder when this artist will do my portrait? I’m patient, but, I still can’t wait. I know they’ll do a beautiful job.” Byleth continued. Ignatz stared right into his cup, hands wringing in his lap. 

“Ignatz… you did those paintings, didn’t you?” He sighed and nodded. “I still don’t understand why you hide your art…” 

“I told you, I can’t be proud of my art when my parents have spent an exuberant amount of money here so I can become a knight. I need to help them, first and foremost.” He looked down into his cup, not looking at them. He’s long-accepted on keeping painting as a hobby. Nothing more than a little thing to do in his free time. 

“That shouldn’t stop you from being proud of your work.” Ignatz shrugged and sighed. “Are you going to do my portrait?” They asked, partially teasing. 

“Oh! I was… this is embarrassing, but I was working on it.” Byleth sat a bit more upright at that. That same spark flickering in their eyes for a second. For a small moment, he felt a pair of eyes that weren’t Byleth’s stare into him. “I was wondering… if tomorrow, you’d like to join me? I’ve been needing a reference to finish it. I want to make sure it’s perfect!” He let out a shaky breath. His hands were trembling a bit as he put his cup back down and he just hoped that they wouldn’t notice. They sat upright.

“I’d love to. We should do this again after your painting.” They beamed with such warmth it could make even the coldest of hearts melt. The words failed to form as he sat there. Not moving. Byleth got up and picked up their cups and put them back in the basket they carried. “We should be going, it’s getting late.” Ignatz came out of it and got up and helped clean the table. 

“Wait! Let me carry the basket!” Ignatz offered, holding his hand out. Byleth titled their head and gave him the basket. They both made their way back to the dorms. “We should do this again…” He mumbled. Byleth nodded and ruffled his hair and pushed his glasses back up his face and walked away. 

Ignatz just froze in place as he mindlessly walked into his room and sat on his bed. His mind filled with static. He didn’t even register the sound of the door opening. He looked up and was face to face with Dorothea and Lysithea. Everyone could hear the sounds of screams that came from his room. 

“Please! Tell us what happened!” Dorothea shrieked as she watched him struggle to carry his canvas and paints. Lysithea followed behind him, carrying a stool and a bucket of other supplies. 

“Yeah, tell us if we need to plan a wedding or funeral,” Lysithea commented. Ignatz stopped and jerked a bit before walking again. 

“You guys are terrible....” He giggled. He had set up his canvas and paints and began to work on the background of it, at least until his muse arrived. Dorothea and Lysithea idled near him, wondering when Byleth was coming. 

“Maybe they forgot,” Lysithea commented. Dorothea snapped at her. 

“Not. Helping.” She moved her eyes back at Ignatz as his hands trembled the more time passes. “Hey, Iggy! Uh…” Her brain wracked with something to distract him. “Did you hear about the new kittens? They’re really cute, aren’t they?” Ignatz nodded and kept to his work. 

“The professor’s here,” Lysithea said.

“Not now!” Dorothea harshly whispered. 

“No, they’re running over here.” Dorothea looked up and saw Byleth coming at them in full sprint. Even in the heat of battle, she’d never seen them run with that much ferocity. Ignatz finally looked away and jumped backwards as they skidded to a halt. Their breath was uneven and ragged, covered in sweat. They heaved over, gripping their knees. 

“[Sorry. Meeting. Professors. Too long. Tired.]” They rapidly signed with whatever energy was left in them. Dorothea and Lysithea looked at each other and nodded before running off. Ignatz was stuck between calling out for them and helping Byleth. With how quickly they ditched him, he figured he should help Byleth. He pulled them up and sat them down on the stool and handed them a glass of water to which they chugged it down faster than a brigand at a bar. 

They put a hand to their chest and slowly regained a proper rhythm. 

“Thank you.” They choked out. “Sorry for being late.” Ignatz shushed them and moved his canvas towards them. 

“Stay still as you regain your energy.” Ignatz began to finally start the face on the painting. As much guilt as he feels for enjoying his little hobby, he still can’t help but find peace in it. He has as much grace on the battlefield as a newly born doe and is no good at magic. But with his brush and paints, he’s as confident as the most graceful of dancers and the most skilled swordsmen. 

“Look at me, ok?” He says as he reaches forward to cup their chin and push it upward without hesitation. His concentration on making this painting perfect clouding his ability to process what he just did. It’s a miracle he didn’t notice Byleth’s blush at his forwardness because he would’ve sure dropped dead. 

As he closed an eye and aligned his thumb and brush, it was only focused on making sure their eye proportions were accurate to the face. He’d silently hoped his mind would allow him to appreciate Byleth’s features, but it shifted far too quickly to artist mode. Indifference to what was in front of him beyond making sure the details were accurate rather than how he felt about it. The same dissociation he’d feel while studying nude models. 

But at random intervals, he found himself losing his concentration and marveling at their beauty. If Byleth noticed, he’d simply say he’s studying them and return to the canvas. 

They watched as he popped his owl feather out of his pocket and pulled out the protective cap on the nib before dipping it into a bottle of black ink. His face pressed close to the canvas with such tender attentiveness to the details. Each flick of his wrist done with such speed and precision and care. They watched in silence at how he worked intensely on the piece. They’ve only seen this same precision on the battlefield as Ignatz aimed his bow and arrow at the bandits. 

It was truly a sight to behold. Every line was done with the same grace as he would when he’d let go of the arrow and watch it fly straight. Into. Their. Heart. 

Just like how all of his pieces went straight to the hearts of anyone who viewed them. 

They watched as the tension escaped his face with a sigh and a step backward. His hands were at his hips as he looked up and down the canvas before finishing with a confident nod. 

“Want to see it?” Ignatz looked at them with a grin. Byleth felt something in their chest flutter a bit at him initiating. They nodded and got up and walked towards him. “Close your eyes!” He commanded with a little pep. They did so as he guided them. “Alright, you can open it.” They did so. And they were left speechless. Well, more speechless than usual. 

It was the most gorgeous thing they’ve ever seen. On the canvas, they stood ready in a battle position, brandishing the Sword of the Creator as an orange gleam acted as a spotlight to their face. It was the face that caught them off guard. The number of emotions simply in it was amazing. The resolute of a soldier caught amid battle. The compassionate gaze of a lover. 

They placed a hand to their chest, with a smile perked up halfway and the corners of their eyes closing. 

“It’s beautiful…” They whispered. That reaction was more than enough for Ignatz. 

“I’m so glad you love it. I was worried.” 

“No, I could never hate any of your art,” Byleth said with harsh honesty. He blinked and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“I think I went overboard on this piece. Compared to Hanneman’s and Manuela’s, theirs look lackluster now!” He joked. “I can almost hear Manuela demanding to know why her portrait doesn’t look like yours!” They both laughed at the thought. The silence was filled with the awe of the finished piece. 

“[Guess you’ll have to make another one.]” They suggested. Ignatz gulped and grinned. 

“Guess I will…” Pause.

“[Next week?]” They asked. 

“Next week! Let’s go have some tea now!” Ignatz offered as they sat on the grass while Ignatz prepared the tea, much to Byleth’s protest. 

“Huh, guess he doesn’t need our help…” Lysithea muttered. The two girls were watching from a distance in the bushes.

And thus began a weekly routine of painting, eating, chatting and tea. 

“[Are you serious? She was crying?!]” Their eyes were wide and mouth opened, slightly curved up to a smile. 

“Yeah, she cried hard when I gave her that drawing.” They both laughed at that. The conversation had turned to first crushes and he told them the story of the little girl in town. 

“[I’m so sorry.]” Their eyebrows furrowed but the smile on their face betrayed their true intention. 

“No. It’s fine. I got over it. We were only kids anyway.” He took a sip of his tea, enjoying the feeling of the grass against his socks. “What about you? What was your first crush like?” Byleth looked up, cupping their chin. They looked back at Ignatz and shook their head. 

“You’ve never had a crush on someone?!” He gasped and leaned in. 

“[No time.]” 

“Figures, considering you did grow up as a mercenary. Must not have had the time to develop feelings for anyone.” Byleth nodded at that and took a bite of a cookie. “What about now?” Byleth looked up at him, mid-bite. “Do you have a crush on anyone?” 

He immediately wanted to take back that question. He only asked it because it seemed like a natural question to ask afterward. He was about to spill apologies, only to stop when their hands began to move. 

“[I don’t know. I’m feeling a lot of new emotions here. I wouldn’t know if I had one.]” Ignatz sighed and cupped the warm tea into his hands. 

“Well, a crush is like… a brief feeling of love. Like a burst of affection when you see them, you know?” Ignatz explained. Byleth’s expression remained neutral. 

“[Then I don’t have one right now then.]” Ignatz looked up at them and back at his cup. 

“Oh.” They continued to eat in silence. “Professor.” Byleth looked up at him. “Do you think… love can bloom… even on the battlefield?” Ignatz couldn’t even bare to look at their face. 

“[Why do you ask?]” 

“With all this talk of losing your emotions and attachments in battle, I was wondering… do you think soldiers like us can also fall in love?” He finally looked up and saw those big blue eyes piercing into him. For a brief moment, he wonders what life would be like if they were to see each other on opposite sides of a battle. How would those eyes look at him then? Would there be remorse in them? Or would they be unmoving as they pierced their sword into his flesh? 

He shook the thought away. That wouldn’t happen. It’d never happen. His professor was a good person. 

“[I think that at any time, any place, two people can fall in love. You just have to be able to protect them.]” There was a hint of happiness in their expression. He covered his smile with his cup. 

“I think so too.”

Byleth was a really good person.

“Professor! You won’t believe what happened!” Ignatz hopped out of his seat as soon as the bell rang. Byleth’s eyes were wide as they stopped erasing the chalkboard. 

“What happened?” Ignatz moved his foot around, barely containing his laughter. 

“Remember the first painting? The really extravagant one?” Byleth nodded. They were planning on finishing the current portrait to place on the wall. But they were so caught up with their talks that progress was slow. During one of their tea sessions, Lady Rhea had come up to Ignatz to ask about the missing painting. After explaining the situation, she had said that any painting was better than no painting, even if it’s a placeholder. So there next to the other portraits in the main entrance, the first painting was hung.

“Well, the other day, guess who came knocking at my door?” 

“I don’t know, who?” Byleth smirked. 

“Manuela! You know what she said?” Byleth shrugged. “She said that I did a lovely job on all the pieces.” Byleth’s eyebrows raised as they took a step back. “Then she proceeded to rip me a new one and ask why hers wasn’t as elegant as yours. And how come I didn’t think about how if she had a portrait like yours, she’d get more dates.” They both giggled at how right they were. 

“That’s why you were late today.” Ignatz nodded. 

“She wouldn’t stop ranting about her love life as I tried to get to class.” He sighed. The door swung open with a crash and the clacking of heels followed it.

“Professor? Is Ignatz here?” Manuela asked in the same sultry tone as always. Byleth put a hand to Ignatz’s mouth as they both shuffled to behind their desk. 

“[Stay behind my desk.]” Ignatz nodded and stayed there, curled up. 

“Oh, you’re here! Have you seen Ignatz? Approximately this tall. Green hair. Glasses.” Manuela asked. Byleth simply shrugged. 

No. They didn’t know where he was. Yes, they had seen the portrait of them, it was lovely. Yes, your portrait was also beautifully done because Ignatz did it. It’s a placeholder, he’s making another one of a similar style to the other two. If you want another portrait, it’s probably better to commission one from him and ask politely. Yes, Manuela, you are pretty and we will help you find a good man. Ok. Ok. Goodbye. 

Byleth locked the door and ran back to their desk. Ignatz had both of his hands covering his mouth, face beet red. 

“[Is she gone?]” He signed. They nodded and he began to burst out laughing, sprawling all over the floor and rolling around as tears began to fall. Byleth sat on the floor with him, watching him die of laughter. 

“[Cute. Really cute.]” 

“Hey! Professor!” Caspar called out. Byleth turned away from the board and looked at him. “Do you have a favorite student?” A few giggles sprouted. 

“I can neither confirm nor deny that, but if I did, it’s certainly not you, Caspar.” An uproar of oh’s spread across the room. 

“So you do have a favorite student?!” Sylvain called out. “Is it me and my dashing personality?” 

“Nope.”

“Then who is she?”

“Love how you assume it’s a girl just because it’s not you.” A whole harmony of screams and yells erupted as several people pointed at him and Felix slapped his back while laughing. 

“Give us extra credit if we can guess the right person!” Caspar yelled out. 

“We don’t have time to play these games. Professor, please-” Edelgard started before being interrupted. 

“Let’s play a game, whoever can guess who it is… gets 5 extra points to their final grade.” Immediately, everyone began to holler out names. Byleth silenced the class with a loud slam of a textbook. “One at a time and raised hands only. One guess per person.” Immediately hands shot up. Byleth pointed at a student. 

“Leonie!” 

“No, I’m not doing it for nepotism.” 

“Edelgard!” 

“She’s up there, but nope.” 

“Dimitri?” 

“No, sorry.” 

“Me?” 

“Linhardt, go back to sleep.”

“Can we at least get a hint if we are close?” Ferdinand complained. 

“Fine. Say a name and I’ll tell you if it’s hot or cold relative to how close they are seated from the person.” 

“Bernadetta!” 

“No. Cold. Freezing.” People turned to see where she was seated, causing the poor girl to cry at the sudden attention. She was in the back. 

“Ashe!” Byleth eyed where Ashe was sitting. 

“Warmer.” 

“Mercedes?” She sat in the second row of desks to the front. 

“Warmer. You guys are getting there.” 

“Raphael?” 

“Burning hot, you guys are close.” Everyone leaned forward to see where Raphael was. To the left of him was Marianne and to his right was Ignatz, who was doodling on his notes. 

“Marianne!” Someone loudly shouted. Byleth shook their head. Lysithea and Dorothea looked at each other from across the room and smirked. They both mouthed to each other. 

‘Rock, paper, scissors?’ Dorothea mouthed. Lysithea nodded and sat upright. They both glared at each other and shook their fists in time to a beat. 

Dorothea chose paper. Lysithea chose rock. She sucked her teeth as Dorothea winked and stuck out her tongue before confidently raising her hand. Byleth pointed at her. 

“Ignatz!” She cried out. Several people giggled at that. At the shout of his name, Ignatz looked up and faced Byleth. They smiled at him and nodded. 

“Dorothea, remind me to put 5 extra points on your grade at the end of the term,” Byleth said, all the while making eye contact with Ignatz. The class immediately turned to a frenzy as people laughed and screamed at Dorothea, at Ignatz, at each other. Ignatz looked left and right at the sudden frenzy. 

“Dude, I didn’t know you were the teacher’s favorite!” Raphael leaned in and exclaimed. 

“I am?” Ignatz asked. He looked at Byleth who winked at him before continuing to write on the board. “I am!” 

“Professor.” Byleth sat in their father’s room and looked up to see Hanneman. “There you are.” 

“[Do you need my hair?]” They asked. 

“Why would you think I was here for that? Wha- I can’t just wish to talk to my colleague?” Hanneman rambled. Byleth raised an eyebrow. “Alright, fine, but I’m not here for that. I just want to chat.” Byleth pulled a chair and offered him a seat and a cup of tea. They both took a sip. 

“I was wondering if you know about Ignatz?” Hanneman asked. Byleth perked up. 

“[Did he do something wrong?]” 

“No! I don’t think someone like him could do anything wrong.” They sighed and slumped back into their chair. “I was just wondering about the nature of your relationship with him.” Byleth choked and began hacking on their tea as Hanneman quickly tried to remedy the situation. 

“[What about it? Am I not allowed to talk to them?]” 

“I’m not accusing you of anything! It was just curiosity!” Byleth glared at the old man. He leaned in and whispered, “Manuela put me up to this, you know how gossipy she is.” Byleth nodded with a smile. 

“[We are close, I’ll admit that.]” They closed their eyes and took another sip. What Hanneman couldn’t see was the smile and blush hidden behind the cup.

Byleth hadn’t left Jeralt’s room in several days. Had no one knew they lived here, it’s doubtful they would even know they were here. Several people would walk by and offer their condolences for their loss before either receiving nothing or a weak ‘thank you’ in response. Everyone was worried about their health. Occasionally, someone would leave food outside their door. If they didn’t want to leave their room to eat, the least they could do is bring food to them. Some people would leave gifts outside their room which would be gone at the end of the day. A sign they were at least still alive. 

The day after Jeralt’s death was the worst part of it. No one could sleep with the sound of wailing coming from the room. No one could nor wanted to say anything to them. “Leave them be and may the goddess mend their heart.” as Lady Rhea said. 

Ignatz stood outside the room, pacing back and forth, burning holes into the floor. He wasn’t sure what to say to them. Eventually, he decided to just relax and speak and knock on the door. 

“Professor?” He pressed an ear against the door. There was shuffling on the other side. “I-I… I’m pretty sure everyone has said how sorry they are. I will too. I’m sorry for what happened.” There was a weak ‘thank you’ on the other side. Ignatz slid onto the floor and sat there. “I’m also sorry that you’re very heartbroken right now. You don’t deserve this pain.” Another weak ‘thank you’. “I know you want to be alone right now, but… I think you should be alone with someone.” Ignatz pulled out a stack of papers and a clipboard and pen. 

“I’ll be right here, drawing and sitting. If you need anything, I’m right here.” He leaned his head against the door and began to draw. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m right here.” He said once more as confirmation. He heard more shuffling on the other side. The shadow from underneath the door growing bigger. They were leaning against the door too. 

So, they adopted a new routine. Ignatz would simply sit by the door and draw as Byleth stayed in their room. Neither of them saying a word, a contrast to their previous meetups. Sometimes Ignatz would talk. He’d say whatever was on his mind. Not too long though in case they wanted silence. But he knew when they wanted it to be quiet when he’d see the shadow by the door move away. 

Occasionally he’d slip whatever he drew underneath the door and watch it get pulled inside and he’d breathe a sigh of relief. Just that small ‘thank you’ meant the world to him. Several passersby would see him leaned up against the door and nod at him. 

It was the little steps he was proud of. The ‘I’m sorry for bothering you’ turning into ‘Thank you for the water’. The light, airy laugh he’d hear when he’d tell them a terrible pun. Then it was the knocking. He’d been sitting there for several hours, quietly drawing, when he heard a knock. Ignatz looked up and stared in bewilderment at the sound. Then it happened again. He quietly knocked back. 

“Thank you, Ignatz.” They muttered. 

“You’re welcome.” 

Lysithea walked pass and saw him sitting there. She looked up at the door and knew what he was doing. She slowly stood next to him and slid down and sat next to him. Ignatz looked up and was shocked at her presence. 

“Professor, I’m right here too,” Lysithea said to the door. 

“Thank you, Lysithea.” She hummed back. He wanted to ask what she was doing here, but he’d rather not offend her so he handed her a sheet of paper and pen and went back to doodling flowers. 

“Your flowers are very pretty.” She pointed out. 

“Thank you, I like flowers.” He said, continuing to draw. “Is there something you need?” He cautiously asked. 

“You looked lonely.” 

“I’m not lonely, the professor is right here.” He smiled. 

“You know what I mean.” He did. They both sat there. The only thing that could be heard was the nibs of their pens scratching against the paper. “Professor? Want to play hangman?” She asked. Ignatz looked up and waited for a response. 

“Ok.” He slid a piece of paper and wedged a pen in there too. They both pressed their heads against the door, hearing the scritch scratch of pen on paper. A paper slid between them. “It’s a mastery class.” It was two words. The first word was 6 letters. The second was also 6. Both of them took turns guessing letters and playfully teasing the other when they saw the paper slide back to them and saw a new body part drawn. 

It was mortal savant. Lysithea laughed at how long it took them to get it, but kept her complaints to herself. 

“I’ll be going now, thank you for the game, professor.” Lysithea bowed before walking off. Ignatz was about to say his farewells when he felt a sheet nudge against him. Another hangman game? Well, he could stay for one more. 3 words. First one was 5 letters. The second was 3 letters. And the third was 6 letters. 

“Is there an… A?” The paper was pulled back. 

- - A - -    - - -     - - - A - - 

“Is there an…. E?” There was a circle for a head drawn. “How about an O?” 

- - A - -    - O -    - - - A - - 

“N?” 

- - A N -    - O -    - - NA - - 

“T?”

T - A N -    - O -     - - NAT - 

“I?”

T - A N -    - O -     I - NAT - 

He knew what it said at this point. He took the paper and filled in the rest of the letters and passed it back. 

THANK YOU IGNATZ

thank you professor  

The following day, he went straight to Jeralt’s room and saw a note taped on there. 

Ignatz, I know you’ll come here, but if I don’t respond, it’s because I’m in my room this time. Thank you for being patient with me. :) 

    - Your dearest professor Byleth,

He rushed down to the dormitories and stumbled on his way there. There was another note. 

If I don’t respond, it’s because I’m asleep. I haven’t slept well recently. I’m getting ready. If you draw anything, I wouldn’t mind seeing it when I wake up, my dearest, Ignatz. 

  - Your dearest professor Byleth,

He didn’t knock in case they were asleep. His face flushed once he properly reread the note. 

‘My dearest, Ignatz.’ Did his professor accidentally put a comma there? It’s not like they didn’t know where it was supposed to go. He looked at how they signed it. It was probably just a mistake and he shouldn’t let it get to him. He folded the letter nicely into his pocket. He spent the rest of the day no differently than before. He’d slide whatever drawings he was proud of underneath the door. It stayed the same until it was night and fortunately his room was close by so he walked back. 

The next day marked another day into the new moon. He hopped his way to Byleth only to find the door opened. His first instinct was to make sure they were ok. But the room was empty. Their desk was covered in disheveled papers and pencils. The wood of the desk stained in black ink. There was a pile of clothes crumbled in a corner of the room. He stepped a bit more into the room and explored more. All the gifts they received were neatly stacked in a small shrine on a shelf. Compared to everything else there, it was probably the cleanest area. At least, they’ve been eating the candy they were given if indicated by the wrappers in their trash. 

He nearly slipped on the stray blanket on the floor and gripped onto something for dear life. Regaining his balance, he went to check what it was he grabbed. It was a thick book. It was a simple leather book with no lettering, title, or any indication of what it was. It was an invasion of privacy he knows, but may curiosity kill him if it comes to that. He flipped open the book and saw a loosely done drawing of Jeralt. The paper had changed color due to age. He continued to flip it and saw various other things in there: pressed flowers, dried tea leaves, small sheets of papers with tiny drawings of cats. He continued to flip through it, fascinated by what was placed in there. There were slips of paper with terrible jokes jotted on it. There was even a small ticket stub. He was enthralled with the little bits of the professor throughout the book. He flipped one more page and he gasped. Inside small sleeves, were all the drawings he had given them. Not just the ones from the past few days, some of them span several moons ago. 

He had to stop flipping through it when he saw that there was something written in red pen on the backs of them. 

Blue Sea Moon. 17. Drawing of a cat from Ignatz. It was given after class. I mentioned my love for cats the other day. Very thoughtful. 

Garland Moon. 9. Floral pattern from Ignatz. During one of our tea parties, we’d discussed flowers. I mentioned my favorite, and lo and behold, an entire print pattern! Very sweet. 

Wyvern moon. 23. Action poses from Ignatz. So cool! The way one can tell what action they’re doing with only a few strokes. The fluidity in it puts me in awe! Talented! Extremely talented! 

If he read one more compliment, he was going to die on the spot. He dropped the book and tried to hide his face as he walked out of the room. He wandered with no idea of where to go or what to do. His throat felt like it was going to cave on itself. He sat on a wall and watch the clouds roll by. That always relaxed him. 

“Ignatz?” 

He looks down to see the source of the sound. He nearly falls over when he saw who it was. Each step they took was small, one coming quickly after the other. Their stance was still slightly slouched, but still less caved in than before, like a flower close to coming to full bloom. 

“Professor!”

It was a nice day today. Yes, very nice. He had completed his kitchen duty for today and decided to simply lie in the grass with a book. Ashe had lent it to him and he was determined to finish it so they could talk about it. The crisp, cool air blowing his hair to the side. It was only a little of a hassle having to brush his bangs out of the way often, but it was worth being outside. 

Hunched over and curled up in his little bubble, he absorbed every line, every piece of dialogue. It was a story of a famed knight who was sent to stave off a ferocious metal dragon and rescue the hostages that were stuck there. He was riveted by the themes of love and humanity in it. Ignatz had to give his thanks to Ashe for the book. 

A large shadow drew closer and closer as it loomed over him. He shifted his glasses and looked up to see who it was. His heart warmed at who it was. 

“What are you reading?” Byleth asked as they sat down next to him, head looking over his shoulder to get a better look of the book. He twitched a bit at how close they were leaning towards him. 

“It’s a story that Ashe lent me. It’s about a knight who’s sent to fight a metal dragon that threatened to destroy the country. It’s such an enthralling tale of both politics and love. So many twists and turns! I’d like to tell you more, but it’s worth reading blind!” Ignatz rambled as he felt Byleth’s eyes bore into him. Any hope of staying calm vanished as they rested their chin on his shoulder all while gripping his arm. 

He just hoped to the goddess that they can’t feel the warmth radiating from his cheeks. His heart is pounding right now as his fingers shook as he turned the page. 

“I’m not bothering, am I?” They asked. 

“Never! You couldn’t be a bother!” Byleth hummed. 

“I actually got you a gift.” They said as they pulled away to sit upright. He could feel the divot where their chin had rested on his shoulder. Like a phantom, the feeling on his shoulder and arm was still there but not present. Ignatz looked at them and tilted his head. “Close your eyes.” And he did so. He could hear the shuffling of their clothes, he assumed, as they moved. 

Then it stopped. 

“Keep them closed.” He squeezed his eyes a bit tighter. He felt something soft land on his cheek before flying away. A butterfly? “Ok, you can open them.” 

The light blinded him for a split second as they adjusted to it. Soon, his vision was filled with blurry shades of blue as he focused on what was in front of him. 

Forget-me-nots. A whole bouquet of them. Just forget-me-nots. He looked up at his professor with wide eyes as they nodded. 

“There was a merchant that specialized in botany in town today. They were selling seeds and I needed to get some tomato seeds. Then I saw all the flowers he also sold. They were very helpful in assembling. They went on and on about the various meanings of all the flowers. But I asked for only forget-me-nots.” Byleth pushed the bouquet into his hands as his hands pulled away slightly before dropping his book and reached out to hold the wrapping paper with both hands. The wrinkling of the paper made his entire body shake as he gently held the flowers. The tenderness of his hands as if he made one wrong move and they’d fall apart. 

“Take it as a thank you for when… I wasn’t in the best of mind. You don’t know how much your presence made waking up worth it.” Byleth looked away as they cleared their throat. Their cheeks turning a light pink as they did so. He gazed up at them and back down at the flowers, his mouth hanging open. 

“But uhm. Ha. Look! See! You can make a centerpiece of just forget-me-nots!” They cheered, gripping the back of their neck. Ignatz softly pressed his face into the flowers. 

“T-Thank you! Uh, Professor! It means a lot to me, uhm…” His voice trailed off at the end as his face only became warmer. He can’t look at them or else he’d explode. On the spot. 

“We should find a vase for those!” They screamed as they got up and picked up the book and began marching off. He shook his head and threw himself off the ground and on his feet as he scrambled to catch up with them.

He sighed as he finished spritzing the flowers with a bit of water. He was fortunate for Mercedes to give him the proper materials and nutrients to keep the bundle alive as long as possible. There were several knocks at his door. He opened it to be almost trampled by Lysithea and Dorothea. 

“Show us the goods!” Lysithea screamed. Ignatz adjusted his glasses as he tried to figure out what the hell they’re talking about.

“There!” Dorothea pointed at the vase of flowers. “Aw, they’re so pretty!” She turned to the boy with a wicked grin on her face. “Hmm… I wonder who gave them to you?” She asked with a shake to her hips as she tapped her cheek. 

“You clearly know who it is, so why do you ask?” He huffed as he turned away to make his bed, face pink. 

“You’re still acting so flustered?! Even after all these moons?!” Lysithea screamed. Dorothea sighed and pulled Ignatz. 

“Sit down.” He did and so did they. One was on each side of him, so he’s trapped. “What Lysi was trying to say is that… maybe it’s time to confess your feelings to them.” Ignatz jumped out of his seat and crossed his arms. 

“No! They can’t know!” He huffed and stomped his foot. Lysithea muttering something about how much of a baby he was under her breath. “Do you tell everyone how you feel about them?” 

Dorothea nodded. “I mean, yeah. I always felt like, you know, if you like someone you should tell them It’d be nice for them to know.” She reasoned. 

“Listen, gods, you’re so childish. You hide behind a mask of maturity, yet you’re hiding something so frivolous! The worst they can do is say they don’t feel the same. They’re kind, they’ll probably let you stay friends with them.” Lysithea began to yell before lowering her voice a bit. Ignatz breathed in a shaky breath as he wrung his hands. 

“Lysithea’s right. We are graduating soon, might as well make the most of it while you can before you leave.” Dorothea got up and held his hand. He squeezed hers. 

“What if… they reject me?” He whispered. She rubbed her thumbs across the back of his hand. 

“You accept it. If you care for them that much, you’ll take their rejection at face value. And move on.” Dorothea whispered. Ignatz stood there silently, head bowed down. Both girls could see the tears drip down and hit the floor, one by one. Lysithea got up and also held his other hand. There were divots in his palm with how hard he pressed his nails into them. 

“You’re such a kid, you know.” She could feel Dorothea’s glare at her. “You haven’t allowed yourself to ask: what if they accept?” There was a hiccup in his breath. 

“We know how… forward we are. We don’t want you to make a decision you’re not ready to commit to. But, take it as a thought.” Dorothea pressed her head against his head, silently shushing him, not letting go. Lysithea rolled her eyes and reached to grab a tissue. 

“Here wipe your snot with it. Don’t expect me to do it for you!” She snapped with a hint of a smirk. They all smiled as he blew his nose and wiped his eyes. He put his glasses back on, eyes red. Dorothea fixed his hair. 

Neither of them knew who initiated it, but they all smothered each other in a hug. Swaying side to side, squeezing one another tightly.

“In 5 years from now, let’s meet back the monastery. The professor promised to be there too.” Dorothea offered as they all hummed. 

Maybe he’ll try.  

Like a dream, as quickly as they came, they left.

The last few months were a blur as Byleth went to get a revelation and just during battle. They disappeared. 

They sent troops to scavenge the ruins and all the rubble, lifting every boulder to look for the remains of their dear professor. Nothing. There was no sign that they even existed on this plane of existence. Ignatz led one set of troops to scavenge the debris. 

No soldier broke command as their leader wailed and cried at every overturned rock that found nothing. His palms were scratched and bloodied and covered in dirt as he strained to push one boulder. He slid onto the ground, tears flooding down his face as he leaned against the boulder. 

Every part of his body ached and yet, he had to push this stupid rock, because what if they were underneath it?! Every bit of skin that was exposed was scraped and bloodied as he forced his body to keep pushing. He felt an arm lift him. Lysithea. She called for the troops to head back to the monastery. He pushed himself up and screamed at them to keep looking for Byleth. His throat was in pain with how much he’s exerted himself. His body disobeyed him as he slumped into Lysithea’s arms, bawling and staining her robes with tears. She didn’t say anything as she waved her squadron and Ignatz’s away. 

“T-They can’t be gone!” He screamed out, his voice cracking at the end as his words turned into incoherent babbling. His nails dug deep into the fabric and he feared ripping it. She looked down at the mess in front of her. She viciously pulled him close, squeezing Ignatz as tightly as she could, huffing out a few hot tears too. 

At some point, they had to stop all search and rescue missions for the Professor as much none of them wanted to. But they had to focus their efforts on rebuilding the monastery without them. 

Ignatz awoke and gazed at the vase of shriveled flowers. They had wilted long ago despite his best efforts to keep them alive. “They are flowers.” Mercedes had told him. “They are planted, they grow, they’re picked, they die. Such is the way of the life of beautiful flowers.” 

But he couldn’t bring himself to throw them away. He needed proof that they were once here on this Earth. Something to cling to that, yes, what they did together did happen. 

They vanished without a trace like a flame, leaving behind neither candle nor wax. In the darkest of days, he’d wonder if maybe he just… dreamt everything that they did together. That the nights he spent crying were for someone who never stepped foot here. It was one hell of a dream if he did, but he knows deep down they were here. He knows by heart their smile. He can hear the sound of their laughter. He can see that spark in their eyes. 

Their existence had permanently scarred everyone’s hearts, especially his.  

He just wished he wasn’t a coward and told them how he felt. 

There was a timid knock at his door. He wrapped his robe around his body and pushed himself out of bed. 

“Hey, Ignatz. I just wanted to check up on you.” Dorothea mumbled with a sympathetic smile. 

“I’m ok. Really.” He made his way to close the door before Dorothea stuck her foot out and pushed her way in. He did not attempt to stop her. 

“You haven’t left your room in a while. I need to make sure you’re ok.” Dorothea closed the door and pulled him to his bed. “By the looks of it, you’re not.” She ran a hand through his now long, greasy hair. His eyes were red with dark circles underneath them. She waited for him to speak. He laid in his bed, hoping it’d consume him. 

“You can’t stay here forever, you know?” 

“Bernadetta did.” 

“I’ve seen her outside more than you, mister.” She put her hands to her hips and pouted. Ignatz rolled his eyes and didn’t say a word. “Professor Byleth wouldn’t want to see you like this.” She whispered and watched as he scrunched into a ball. “When they lost Jeralt, did you want to see them trapped in their room with no hint of them ever coming out?” He shook his head. “So why do you think anyone wants to see you like this? That I want to see you like this?” Ignatz let out a shaky breath and finally rolled to meet her face. She leaned against the door, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Dorothea…” She nodded. “Have you ever loved someone?” She rolled her eyes away and gave a melancholic smile. 

“Yeah. I have.” 

“What happened to them?” 

“Well, someone I care for deeply also began to develop feelings for the same person. I was left with the option to either give up my pursuit and help them or keep trying despite know how they felt.” Her fingers grazed against the wood of his desk.  

“Did they know, the other person, about your feelings?” 

She smirked. “Nope. I never saw a reason to make it a competition. Sometimes things work out and they don’t. I just decided to let go and move on.” She turned back to him, her arms crossed. 

“Ha… I could never do that. I’m not that emotionally strong enough. I’m a little sensitive if it wasn’t obvious.” They both softly giggled at that. 

“But you are, Ignatz. You can move on and live.” Ignatz stood up and began to pace once more. 

“Everyone says that! To move on! But that implies that they’re gone! They’re dead! But I know,” He clutched his chest. “I know they’re out there somewhere! Have you ever cared about someone so deeply that you can feel their presence? Like, if you were to lose them, a bit of you would be gone?” Ignatz pleaded with Dorothea who kept giving him that same melancholic look. “I’m distraught of course! But…” He shook his hands as his mind tried to find the words. 

“I. I don’t feel that. They’re out there and I know it! You know it too, don’t you, Dorothea?” He whispered. She turned her head away from him and nodded. 

“Yes. I believe they are out there too. But, do you think staying in your room will change that?” He stopped moving and looked down. They both knew the answer to that. “Right now, we need you. You’re one of our best archers and you know how to command your troops! We can’t afford to lose anyone right now, especially with Byleth gone.” She placed her hands on both of his shoulders. He was silent. She placed both hands on either side of his face. 

“None of us could’ve protected them. The least we all can do is work harder to protect each other.” He looked away, unable to meet her intense stare. He breathed in and nodded. 

“You’re right. You’re right. I want to get stronger and protect the people I love.” Dorothea let go of his face and ruffled his hair. 

“There’s the Iggy I know.” She softly smiled before straightening. “Come on, take a shower and come get breakfast. I heard they’re serving pancakes today.” She winked before turning to leave. 

“Wait! Dorothea!” She had her hand on the door and turned to him. “Can you, uh, cut my hair later? It’s getting a bit too long for my liking.” He fiddled with a long strand. She grinned and nodded. 

“Of course, Iggy.” She turned and left. 

His hair was still wet as he went towards the monastery's dining hall. He bowed at the knights at their post, looking around the hallway and seeing the painting he did. He knows he’s supposed to meet Dorothea there, but he can’t help but stop and see it. 

He can still remember every brush stroke. The moments they spent together. His heart yearned for those days back. But he can’t succumb to this heartache. But there was something strange about this piece. He couldn’t put his finger on it. 

He had to fix the hair color! 

Ignatz stood on the tips of his toes and removed the canvas off the wall before sprinting back to his room. Food can wait. He had to paint! 

Thus 5 years came and went. Once a moon, he’d command a battalion to look for Byleth. Even after all of these years, he never lost faith that they were out there. He can feel it in his chest. But when they would return empty-handed, he pushed the grief away and focused on training harder. 

He needs to protect those he loved. 

And when he was lonely, he knew he’d find them in their dreams, dancing with him underneath the pale moonlight. They looked the same as before. The same gleam in their eyes that he adored. They were dreams of course and were gone as soon as he woke up, but it satisfied his yearning just enough. 

Just enough to last 5 years. 

They walked around the monastery, giving tearful reunions as they found their students. They decided it would be better to give them a surprise their students would remember for a millennium. It’s been 5 years. They’ve all changed.

A sense of pride filled them that they had the honor of training them up to be a formidable force. 

Bernadetta was finally out of her room. Mercedes had cut her hair and dedicated herself to taking care of the destroyed chapel. Marianne looks much happier.

They decided to actually inside the place to see what else had happened in those 5 years.

“Professor?” Dorothea called out. She screamed as she went to hug them tight. Byleth returned the hug with a smile, albeit, with only a fraction of her bountiful energy. “You really are alive!” Byleth nodded. Gods, they’re going to make up 5 years’ worth of tears today. “Oh, I have to show you around! I’ll get you up to speed.” Dorothea began to list off what happened in the past 5 years, all the new knights that had joined them, some gossip. They walked in sync through the main entrance when something caught their eye. 

A painting. Of them. Their memory was still hazy after being woken up from a deep slumber. They stopped and walked towards it, feeling the texture of the paint underneath their fingertips. Their previous hair color creating a gradient to the goddess’ bright green one. 

It wasn’t like that before, that they knew. But, why did they know that? 

“Oh! You still proud of Iggy’s portrait of you?” Dorothea teased, bumping her hip against theirs. Iggy? “You don’t remember Ignatz?” Ignatz? 

Ignatz. They paused for a second to ponder about that name. Wait. They grazed against the painting once more. Their eyes widened as they jumped up. Yes! Ignatz!

“Ignatz!” They cried out. How could they have forgotten about him?! The sweetest and most tender soul they’ve ever met?! 

“Yes! Him! Oh my God, you haven’t seen him yet, have you?!” Dorothea shrieked. Byleth rapidly shook their head. “It’ll be faster if we split up and look for him! I’ll take the upper levels and you check the ground floor!” Byleth nodded before sprinting out the door with Dorothea going the other way. They had to look for their dearest. 

Dorothea sprinted up the steps towards the library, cursing as she fumbled over a chair. She looked around the pillars and desks to look for a familiar green mess. Maybe heels weren’t the best thing to run in. 

“You’re in a rush,” Lysithea commented. She snapped her head towards her as she sat there reading a book. Dorothea slammed her hands against the table. 

“Have you seen Ignatz?!” She screamed more than asking. 

“No?...” 

“The professor is here!” Dorothea cried out. Lysithea put her book down and marked her page. 

“Yeah! I’m happy they’re back! It’s been so long!”

“They haven’t seen Ignatz yet!” Dorothea interrupted. They both blinked at each other. They both pushed the desk aside, banging against a railing as they dashed out the door. “You take the second-floor dorms, I’m still looking here!” Lysithea nodded before sliding down the staircases’ railing. 

Byleth ran around the dock, searching for a familiar face. Neither of the fishermen had seen him when they asked. The greenhouse lady was of help, for the fact she saw him leave the garden and head towards the dorms. They thanked the woman before sprinting that way. Climbing up two stairs at a time, they watched rows and rows of identical doors blur by. 

They noticed their room and walked in it. It was the same as they left it. Well, he wasn’t here and the grassy outside was plain and empty. They sucked their teeth and kept moving onward. 

He had to be somewhere here. 

“Anything?!”

“No! I knocked on all the doors and they were empty.” Lysithea groaned. Both girls stood in front of the chapel. Dorothea swung her head back, elbows resting against the wall. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a tiny blur of green billowing in the wind. She stood up a bit more and saw Ignatz. 

“There! Him! After him!” She screamed and chased after the kid. They sprinted with all their might towards the green billowing cape. “Ignatz!” They both screamed. 

He turned around and adjusted his glasses with a smile. 

“Oh, hey guys! Woah!” He was tackled to the ground as the two pounced on him. 

“Professor Byleth is here!” They yelled in unison. Ignatz rolled his eyes at them.  

“Come on, not you too. I thought you were both above horrible jokes like that.” Ignatz groaned as he tried to sit up. 

“But we aren’t joking!” Dorothea flailed. 

“Hasn’t anyone told you anything?!” Lysithea shook him back and forth causing his glasses to fall off his face. 

“I thought everyone was just making terrible jokes,” Ignatz explained as he tried to feel for his glasses. They groaned in agony as Lysithea slammed his glasses back on his face. They both pulled him onto his feet and pushed him to a running start. 

“Go find them!” Lysithea cupped her hands and screamed. 

“You can do it, lover boy!” Dorothea jumped and cheered. 

He really shouldn’t have worn this much stuff. He nearly tripped over his hood running up and down the dining hall to across the building. He asked the knights if they saw Byleth. They graciously pointed him towards the docks and waved as he ran that way. The fishermen there laughed when he asked where Byleth was and pointed him towards the dorms. 

He charged towards there only to find the area barren. But their room was open. They were just here and missed them. 

Byleth stormed the dining hall, wondering where he was. Shamir laughed at their haggard look before mentioning how he was just here also looking for someone. She pointed at how he had been by the chapel. They ran immediately. Each step bringing their heart to a faster and faster pace. The thought of being just one step closer, one more moment closer, to holding him gave them the strength to keep sprinting by the chapel. 

He was so tired. His throat was dry as he tried and gasp for air. He’s 99% sure he’s run 12 laps up, down, in and out this monastery. Well, at least he did his training for the day. He weakly laughed and collapsed onto the grass. His chest rising and falling, desperately clinging to the air. The Gazebo loomed over him as he laid there. 

He hoped to make like a chameleon and just blend into the color of the grass. 

He shut his eyes and waited. Waited for something. For the goddess to bless him with strength. Maybe he was asleep and dreaming. Pinching himself didn’t work since he felt that. Several passersby watched him lay there and giggled, whispering amongst themselves. 

Screwing his eyes shut, all the sounds enveloped him. All the birds chirping. The blowing of the wind. The idle chatter. The person shouting his name. 

Wait. Someone was shouting his name. He sat right up and looked around but everything was a blur. His glasses had slipped off and he desperately tried to feel for them. The voice became louder and louder. With a smile, he felt them and slipped them on his face and looked around again for the origin. 

“Ignatz!” A voice yelled. It was familiar. He knew who it was. A familiar figure ran towards them. Pushing himself up, it became clearer to him. Ahead was sea-green hair ran closer to him, vigorously waving their arms as they continued to shout. 

It was them. It was Byleth! His heart was caught in his throat at the sight of their warm smile and bright eyes. 

“Professor!” He pushed himself up and running headfirst. He’s never felt his heartbeat this intently in his chest. Even when he was face to face with a brigand’s sword, it’s never beaten this fast. All that matters right now is who’s in front of him. 

He opened his arms wide and took the full blow of the impact as he wrapped his arms around their waist. As if they weighed nothing, he hoisted them up and twirled them around. Both of their tears falling off as they spun around. Byleth and his hood billowing around with a twirl, a cyclone of black, blue, and green. 

He couldn’t stop smiling as he watched them above. They truly were more breathtaking than whatever gods live among the skies. Their grace was unparalleled by even the holiest of doves. Their radiance was more comforting than the sun itself. 

In several clumsy steps, they both landed back down on the ground, filled with giggles and tears. Neither of them breaking the hold they had on the other. Lovestruck grins glued to their faces as they just looked at each other. 

Byleth moved their right hand to his cheek, thumb rubbing against the skin underneath, wiping all the stray tears.

“Ignatz… You’ve… grown up so much.” Byleth choked out. His face flushed at that. 

“Well… I’ve been training more if you hadn’t realized.” They both let out a dry laugh, pressing their foreheads together. “I never lost faith that you were still alive. I knew deep in my soul…” He took in a shaky breath. “That you wouldn’t leave me.” 

Byleth held his face in their hands, not mind the wet tears trailing down their arms. 

“Look at me.” He did. “I don’t know what happened in these past years, but I promise you, I will make all of them up. All the moons, all the weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds. I will make it up, even if it means another millennium has to pass.” The skin underneath their hands burned up a bit. He shut his eyes and smiled. 

“Thank you, Byleth.” His own hands move to wrap around their wrists. A loud groan broke them out of their revere. 

“Be a man, you coward!” Lysithea yelled out as Dorothea slapped her hand over her mouth and pulled her away. 

Ignatz turned to them and blushed even more. 

“Professor!”

“Byleth. Call me Byleth.” 

“Byleth.” He moved their hands away from his face and into his own. “These past few years have been hard with you gone. My guiding light suddenly vanished and I was a mess. A wreck.” He swallowed and sighed. “Life rarely gives second chances and I’m thankful for the goddess to send you my way again.” 

“I don’t want to lose you, Byleth.” 

“You won’t. I’ll be here.” Several teardrops fell from Byleth’s eyes. “We never did finish that second portrait, did we? Let’s paint again next week.” 

Ignatz nodded. 

“Oh for the love of all that is holy, just do it!” Lysithea screamed before being yanked away from by Dorothea by the waist like a feral cat. They both turned to the scene and looked back at each other. Ignatz let go of their hands and cupped their cheeks. 

His hands shook as Byleth’s eyes stared through his. Then he saw it. That spark. 

And with that, he closed his eyes and pulled their face close to his and pressed his lips against theirs. 

Of all the indulgent daydreams he had about this moment, they never amounted to the real thing. It was soft and quick as they pulled away. Both of their faces dusted in pink. It immediately registered what he did. 

“I-I’m so sorry! Oh, gods! That wasn’t right! I should’ve asked-” He was quickly interrupted when he felt his face being pulled close to theirs. His eyes widen as he froze in place before melting into their love. Small smiles pressed against each other. It felt so right. 

They wrapped their arms around their shoulders as Ignatz placed his at their waist. The pair swaying side to side to the sounds of nature, all the while, occasionally kissing again. Light and peppery. 

“You know, maybe he never needed our help.” Dorothea sighed at the sight. 

“He’s still a big baby,” Lysithea commented. She rolled her eyes and ruffled her white hair. 

“Well, a crush is like… a brief feeling of love. Like a burst of affection when you see them, you know?” Ignatz explained. Byleth’s expression remains neutral. 

“[Then I don’t have one right now then.]” Ignatz looked up at them and back at his cup. 

Byleth thought about Ignatz’s definition of a crush. If they had to pinpoint someone who they’d feel like they are infatuated with, it would be Ignatz. 

He was such a kind and gentle soul and they’ve never met anyone as beautiful as him. But the way they felt was more than just a temporary burst of love. It wasn’t fleeting. It was always there, lingering. It was there at every waking moment, at every prolonged stare, every smile. 

It wasn’t fleeting. Just everlasting. 

So, no, they didn’t have one.