Chapter Text
his royal dukedom 
@failnaught
they hate me cuz they aint me
following
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followers
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Edelgard von Hresvelg 
@edelgardvonhresvelg
The annual Battle of the Eagle and Lion is merely three moons away. Remember to follow @garregmach for updates and further announcements. The Adrestian Empire would like to thank you for your support.
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his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@aymr hey edelgard do you know where i can get some stomach poison for free? asking for a friend
Edelgard
@aymr
@schemerbeaver Stooping to lowly tactics, are we? You must not be very confident in your own abilities.
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@aymr lol you misunderstand the poison’s not for me
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@aymr figured i gotta give you a handicap to make things more even
Edelgard
@aymr
@failnaught Would you like to have an individual battle then? We can see who really needs the handicap.
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@aymr lol sure hmu anytime im down for anything as long as it doesn’t cause an international incident
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
what are you going to do, throw your axe at me? (says man seconds before he has an axe thrown at him)
Claude von Riegan
@claudevonriegan
Meeting of the Alliance Leaders to begin soon. Transcripts of final decisions and other notable changes will be posted online shortly after.
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver hey leader man stop flirting and pay attention to the meeting
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
count gloucester’s looking over at you
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
which one, the ugly one or the ugly one
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
hmmmmmm
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
objectively speaking, the uglier one
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver
@freikugal
If you two must insist on using social media during such an important meeting, I would appreciate it if you could continue your correspondence in private messages. I do not care to see this baseless slander against my character.
little lorey
@onesucciboi
...
little lorey
@onesucciboi
What in the world?
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lmao finally ive been waiting for nearly a moon for you to tweet on private
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
awwwwwww you’re kinda cute lorenz ♡
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little lorey
@onesucciboi
When did you even have time to do such a thing? I know better than to trust you with my social media.
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@freikugal Oh I see. You can be easily bought, can you?
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lol no no no i can assure you there was nothing easy about it
little lorey
@onesucciboi
Hmm...
little lorey
@onesucciboi
Anyway, Claude, how do I change it back?
little lorey
@onesucciboi
...
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver Claude?
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
sorry man gotta pay attention now your father is kinda scary
little lorey
@onesucciboi
You cannot be serious.
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@freikugal Very well then. Name your price.
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
now you’re speaking my language (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )
Hilda Valentine Goneril
@ladyhilda
super cute bag that i’ve had my eyes on for awhile!! ♡♡ i can’t decide which color i like better. maybe i’ll get both??
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Annie
@swampbeasties
@freikugal Awww that’s super cute!
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FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lmao real subtle there, hilda
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
learned from the best (Face Throwing A Kiss )
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@swampbeasties not as cute as you, annette ♡
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
awwww he said no
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
as the leader of the alliance i am proud of the integrity and moral standards that our lords hold themselves to
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@failnaught you just wanted him to keep the username
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FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
:^)
Lorenz Hellman Gloucester
@lorenzhellmangloucester
Summary of the meeting can be found here: leicesteralliance.fodlan/harpstringmoon Please tweet any concerns at @leicesteralliance
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little lorey
@onesucciboi
It is fine. I have resigned myself to my fate.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
hey thanks for taking care of the writeup
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
yeah thanks lorenz!! you’re the best ♡
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little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver @freikugal Hmph, I neither want nor need your gratitude.
little lorey
@onesucciboi
Though it wasn’t too bad seeing the two of you again today. You seemed well.
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@onesucciboi yeah we never get to hang anymore! my bro’s super busy so i got to be at home holding down the fort and leader man’s suddenly a hotshot
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@onesucciboi you should come over when your father inevitably decides again that he should be allowed to add almyra to his list of territories
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver Very well. Then perhaps I will see you again very soon.
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Ferdinand von Aegir
@ferdiebot
I am Ferdinand von Aegir.
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FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lmao did we ever find out who was running this bot
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver nope i seriously thought it was lorenz but that theory was debunked
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@freikugal Why on earth would you think that was me?
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@onesucciboi you sent a love letter to a girl pretending to be him before
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@ferdiebot hey there, hope you’re having a good day!
little lorey
@onesucciboi
That was once and it was because I was trying to get the girl to stop clinging to me!
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
here in the golden deer we never let anyone live down their mistakes
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
that is our motto
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
holy crap it actually worked im a genius
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@failnaught that must be why we pick on you so much, claude
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@mistercasanova hey sylvain!! you’re looking good today ♡
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@freikugal hey hilda ♡ im not buying you that bag
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
drat, foiled again
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@mistercasanova what was this about you being a genius?
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@failnaught you’ll see soon enough
Ingrid
@daphnel
@mistercasanova See what, exactly?
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
oh crapppp ingrid’s here i have to do damage control brb
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@failnaught if i don’t return pls screenshot before it gets taken down
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@mistercasanova sure thing buddy
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
damn now im super curious
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
think he got dumped again or something?
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
OH MY GOD
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
??????????
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@failnaught @failnaught @failnaught
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
WHAT
little lorey
@onesucciboi
It appears that his highness believes this to be a search engine.
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
lol classic
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@mistercasanova you are a genius im sorry i ever doubted you
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
leader man bout to slide into those dms
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
brb
Fates Changing | Chapter 9
@quietwhispers
Newest chapter of Fates Changing: fodlanfics.com/32f2vDS2
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Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@failnaught ooooo claude your favorite fic updated
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
asdfasdfsdfkljds priorities
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
it’s fine i’ll read it later
Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Shut up you boar
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught Huh, you were right. I did get a response.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught And it even sounds like Felix. How remarkable.
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd be prepared to see the wonders of twitter
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught I can’t speak of the helpfulness of the answer, though.
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@felix wait when tf have you had an account
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@felix and how on earth did you get that username
Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
@mistercasanova I see your username is as degenerate as you are
Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
@mistercasanova You know Ingrid is going to murder you, right
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd hi your highness! thanks for the follow ♡♡
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@felix don’t remind me i had to bribe her with a whole pot of stew just to get to this point
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@freikugal Thank you. You are Miss Goneril, correct? I admit I’m still quite confused with all this terminology, but this seems quite fun.
Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
@mistercasanova How could you possibly think this is a good idea
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@felix his first ever tweet was about you don’t you feel the least bit grateful
Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
@mistercasanova Shut up
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@felix Felix, or, er, search-engine-that-speaks-like-Felix, are you talking to yourself?
Felix Hugo Fraldarius
@felix
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd You shut up too
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
o right gotta get his highness to follow me
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Thank you for the follow, your highness. It is an honor.
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd As a word of advice, please be mindful of what you type. You never know who could be reading.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lorenz i swear if you type another word
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver I know. I learned my lesson from the last time I tried to interrupt one of your schemes.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@onesucciboi Pardon me, but who are you?
little lorey
@onesucciboi
…
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
oh boy i can almost see lorenz’s vein pulsing
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
particularly that angry one on his head that we named bobo
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Please excuse the username and icon. This was all Claude’s idea of a joke, and I’m sure you know that he’s not as funny as he thinks he is. It is I, Lorenz.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
screw you im hilarious
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@onesucciboi I see. But you must be careful. This constitutes as identity misrepresentation and could get you in a lot of trouble.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@onesucciboi I admit that I’m not as familiar with Leicester laws as I should be, but surely a nobleman such as yourself must know of the consequences? You could be imprisoned for identity theft.
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
lol i cant screenshot fast enough
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
it’s true. as a certified leader of the Leicester alliance i can assure you that little lorey will definitely be arrested for identity theft in a few days
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd …thank you. I will keep your advice in mind.
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
yep bobo is def ticking away
Edelgard
@aymr
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd …Dimitri, hello. I was not aware that you had a twitter.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@onesucciboi Good. I’m always glad to help a trusted ally.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@aymr Edelgard? You’re here too?
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@aymr Greetings. Sylvain told me to make an account a couple hours ago.
Edelgard
@aymr
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd I see. You should have your account verified. That is, if you are truly the prince.
Edelgard
@aymr
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd And if you aren’t, surely I do not need to inform you of the capital punishment of impersonating a royal figure, do I?
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
they said the exact same thing omg they could be siblings
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver I daresay you’re enjoying this a little too much, Claude.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
the only entertainment i have nowadays is you, lorenz. give me a break
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@aymr Thank you for your advice, Edelgard. I’m not quite sure what verified means, but I’ll make sure to learn all the new terminology before the next time we speak again.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@aymr But fortunately I am myself. There appears to be an imposter of Felix around, but that is understandable.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@aymr Felix is amazing. I would want to impersonate him as well.
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
lmao that was fast
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd lol forget my retainer, you sure yours won’t murder you first?
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught Felix won’t kill me.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught I think.
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
hmmmmmmmm
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
think i could get him to spill the deets of faerghus’ weaknesses before the battle of eagle and lion
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver i bet you won’t
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@freikugal hilda! my friend. my compadre. i thought you understood me better than most.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@freikugal yet after all this time, you’re still doubting me
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver it’s because ily that i think you won’t!!
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver look at him. too pure for your schemes
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
think he would cook for me if i asked
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver go for it!!
little lorey
@onesucciboi
You two are so weird.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
hey buddy it’s not nice to kinkshame
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@freikugal I… appreciate the sentiment, though I was not aware that you could see my search inquiries. Perhaps I ought to be more careful in the future.
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
oops i forgot he followed me
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd don’t worry about it!! i was just showing claude what a sweetie you are
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@freikugal S-sweetie?! O-oh no, that’s too much…
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lmao did he just stutter in text
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@freikugal that’s why you have 3 accounts
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd damn your highness you’re just killing it with the ladies today
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver please we all know you have at least a fourth one where you talk to yourself
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@mistercasanova ooo was there another one??
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@freikugal i can neither confirm nor deny that statement :^)
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
so he might have seduced my friend’s horse
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
gasp! not the horse!
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@mistercasanova Sylvain! Please, not another word.
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
choose your fighter: his royal highness seducing a horse or sylvain seducing ingrid’s grandmommy
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all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@failnaught wait how did you even find that out
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@failnaught sylvain
Annie
@swampbeasties
@failnaught Sylvain, sorry!
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@failnaught Sylvain.
dorothea~ ☆♡
@divathea
@failnaught I bet Sylvain would even try seducing a granny horse too~
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
damn, can’t a dude catch a break around here
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
oh shit
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd did you seriously sic felix on me
all women are queens ♕
@mistercasanova
gotta run might die idk ill post updates
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@mistercasanova You know as well as I do that I can’t convince Felix to do anything.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@mistercasanova Perhaps he simply mistook you for the predator that you are and is coming to deliver some retribution?
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@mistercasanova (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
…damn that was lowkey hot
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
we don’t kinkshame in this house except when it’s leader boy
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
have i just been demoted to a boy just for appreciating that sick burn
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Your Highness, as much as I appreciated your last statement, perhaps you should consider refraining from saying such things in public.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@onesucciboi I’m not in public. I’m alone in my room right now.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lorenz!!! stop being a responsible human being!!!
his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd don’t pay attention to lorenz your royalness he’s got a stick up his ass so long it extends across the continent all the way up edelgard’s ass
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver Meanwhile, you continue your trend of saying the worst possible thing in any situation.
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught I see. That does sound troublesome. I shall be careful not to trip on it.
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
i can’t tell if he’s joking!!
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
me neither!! is he slam dunking my alley oop?? or is the ball sailing right over his head?? i have no idea!!
Hubert von Vestra
@ladyedelgard
If you do not delete that tweet this instance, I will rip your flesh from your bones with my bare hands and dispose of your body so that no one will ever find your corpse.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
…
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
…did anyone just see that
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver scary!! you’re super good at making enemies, claude
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
why was his username ladyedelgard
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
was that actually hubert or was it edelgard trying to legally murder me
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
you can’t look at that man and tell me he hasn’t gotten away with murder at least 37 times
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver Rest assured, Claude. Even if you are killed, the Alliance will be in good hands.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
thanks lorenz i guess i can go be tortured with a clear consciousness now
Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught @freikugal @onesucciboi I suppose this is enough of “The Twitter” for me today. Dedue is calling for me so I shall retire for the night.
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Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd
@failnaught @freikugal @onesucciboi I’m still rather confused, but I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to speak with you all again. Good night.
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his royal dukedom
@failnaught
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd right back at you
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
lol this should be fun
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
wow his highness got popular all of a sudden! guess word finally got out
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
no offense, it’s super boring when i can only talk to you two
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver Offense fully taken.
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver go read your fic, claude!! you broke your streak of being the first commenter!!
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
worth
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
alright here i go. time to cry
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@schemerbeaver I do wish you would put that fourth account of yours to use and tweet these weekly rambles to yourself.
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@onesucciboi but then i wouldn’t have anyone to remind me that my opinions are trash and takumi is unredeemable
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver you know, im still super surprised that you’re a sucker for romcoms!!
little lorey
@onesucciboi
@freikugal You gave the story a try, did you not? Was it to your liking?
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
hmmm it was okay
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
the ship was cute and all but it’s get super existential like they’d be holding hands and leo would say “my childhood was dark and i was lonely. you’re the only one who has ever loved me, takumi. do you think people can live forever”
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
and takumi will say “damn leo im just trying to eat my sandwich here it’s not that deep”
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
but that’s like claude’s whole thing so im not surprised he’d like it
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
but the shippy moments were adorable!! even though fates is trash
FEAR THE DEER
@schemerbeaver
@freikugal excuse me how can you say that when your display name is what it is
Claude Apologist
@freikugal
@schemerbeaver i said i’m a claude apologist i never said i was a fool
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