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One
Troy’s exhausted. He’s been awake for days, and despite his long day of escaping death and danger, lying in a very comfortable bed wasn’t enough for sleep to claim him. Maybe it was because Madison had tried to kill him and had nearly succeeded, or maybe it was because he was sharing the bed with the man who saved him, but he felt restless.
He looks over to Nick who's fast asleep and huffs at how peaceful he looks.
Nick, unlike Troy, had fallen asleep within minutes of climbing into bed.
Lucky bastard.
Troy tosses and turns for another hour before he finally groans in frustration, and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling and ready to commit to staying awake.
“You'd have better luck if you stayed still,” Nick mumbles sleepily.
Troy turns his head and sees Nick staring at him with one eye. “I’m trying, but it's not working.”
Nick closes his eye, sighing softly before he rolls onto his back. He pats his bare chest with one hand. “C'mere.”
Troy frowns. “What?”
“Rest your head on my chest.” His eyes slit open, and he pats his chest again.
Troy hesitates, unsure what exactly was about to happen, but ultimately he decided Nick was probably the only person he could trust. He positions himself awkwardly next to Nick, tentatively resting his head in the center of Nick's chest, one hand resting on his bare stomach. Nick feels warm under him, skin soft under Troy’s fingertips.
He feels Nick stroke his forehead, then hears, “Close your eyes.”
Troy does. His heart is hammering away in his chest because this feels…intimate…but he tries to steady it, focusing on the inviting warmth of Nick gently stroking his forehead.
“My mom used to stroke my forehead when I had trouble sleeping,” Nick explains. “I always knocked out without fail.”
Troy can see why. It was soothing, like someone was finally taking care of him - touching him like he was someone who deserved love and protection. And maybe to Nick he was. As a friend, if not a brother.
Slowly, his heartbeat steadies, his eyelids heavy and burning. Thoughts of Madison and her hammer, Daniel chasing them off the exploding Dam with a gun, and the Proctors hunting for them in the streets fading away. He finds himself slipping, pressing his face more into Nick, sighing softly.
“Sleep now,” Nick tells him quietly. “I’ll watch over you.”
Troy feels something in his chest loosen, and not long after that, he falls asleep.
Two
Nick stares out the window of the beat up old van, watching the scenery blur as they fly past. Troy’s sitting next to him, Madison’s driving, Alicia's navigating next to her, and Strand's sleeping in the seats behind them with the aid of pain meds they'd found. It’s quiet, save from the occasional word from Madison or Alicia.
Nick hears Troy yawn, and turns to look at him, watching as he rubs his hands over his face, slapping his cheeks as if to wake himself up. Troy had offered to take watch all night so the others could sleep – though Nick was inclined to believe he just wanted to keep an eye on Madison – and he looked like he was fighting hard to stay awake.
“Take a nap,” Nick urges quietly. They had taken a lot of pillows and blankets from a store for an injured Strand so he would be comfortable for their drive into Texas.
“I’m fine,” Troy says, but when he meets Nick's gaze he’s blinking rapidly.
Nick grabs a pillow from the floor and throws it at Troy’s face, watching as it smacks him then falls into his lap. “Sleep.” He reaches behind him.
“Nicky, I can sleep wh – “
Nick throws a blanket over Troy. “You can sleep now, so we don’t die later.”
Troy pulls the blanket off, his hair messy and unkempt now. He huffs. “I can go a day or two without sleeping,” he points out.
“Not this time.” Nick says.
Troy snorts and crosses his arms. “You can't bully me into taking a nap.”
Nick grabs the pillow from Troy's lap and sets it on his own. He adjusts it so it rests against him at an angle, then looks at Troy, patting it with one hand like he did his chest over a week ago. “Come here.”
Troy looks down at his hand, then back up to his face. “No.”
Nick shoots him a pleading look. “Please? I promise I’ll wake you the moment something happens.”
Troy hesitates, so Nick pats the pillow again. He doesn’t have to bully Troy into taking a nap, he just has to assure him that it's safe – for both of them – if he rests. “The roads are clear, we’re driving through small towns. What else is there to do?”
It feels like a victory when Troy lays on his side, adjusts the pillow as he needs, and tosses the blanket over himself. His legs hang off the seats, but after some maneuvering, he finally settles comfortably, closing his eyes.
Nick gently strokes his forehead, fingers occasionally brushing through Troy's curls, and Troy appears to slowly melt under him – tension leaving his shoulders, expression relaxing. He smiles when Troy nuzzles into the pillow. He leans down and whispers, “I’ll protect you,” because he will. Always.
Troy hums in acknowledgement.
Nick notices Madison staring at him in the mirror when he raises himself back up. He looks away. He doesn’t have to explain himself to her. He can’t put a name to this pull he feels towards Troy, but he knows that he won’t shy away from it – knows that he wants to protect Troy and make him feel safe.
If it weren’t for Alicia, he'd put as much distance between Troy and his mother as he could. But since he promised Alicia he wouldn't leave, he'll take it upon himself to take care of Troy and to keep his mother away from him as much as possible.
He can't offer Troy much, and maybe they're two ticking time bombs lighting each other's fuses, but he can give Troy a sense of peace, even if only for a little while.
Three
Madison comes back with Luciana one day and for some reason it feels like a punch to the gut when Troy sees her throw herself into Nick's arms. He looks away as Nick hugs her back and he notices Alicia's eyes on him. She’s been watching him and Nick ever since she found them and brought them back to Madison. He can’t fathom why.
Troy turns his gaze to Madison, frowning when he sees her smiling at Nick and Luciana. He can’t be there suddenly, and he goes to his room. The thought of Nick, who’s room is right next to his in this seedy model, and Luciana having reunion sex makes him feel sick. He can’t be there either.
He grabs his weapons and his bag, and slips away.
He raids a nearby convenience store, then spends a few hours walking around the town, killing infected, and collecting supplies. He doesn’t go back to the motel until well after sunset.
Nick is sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, Troy's journal in his lap and a cigarette in his hand. He looks at Troy, eyebrow raised. “Where the hell have you been?”
Troy keeps his eyes off Nick as he kicks the door shut behind him, and goes to set his stuff on the small desk in the room. “Out.”
Nick scoffs. “No shit, Sherlock.”
Troy doesn’t respond. He sits in the chair in corner and starts untying his boots.
“Why’d you leave?” Nick asks.
“Didn’t feel like hearing you and your girlfriend bone.” Troy answers bitterly, kicking off his newly untied boot.
“Oh.”
Troy quickly gets his other boot off and stands up. “There’s food in my bag if you’re hungry. I’m gonna shower and go to bed.” He heads to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
He’s angry. So very angry and he doesn’t know why.
He cranks the water up as hot as it will go, scrubbing the blood off his face, and focusing only on getting clean and not the bitter anger rising in him every time he thinks of Nick and Luciana.
He had never been very good at sharing, especially when it came to the people he considered family, and he’s had all of Nick's attention for awhile now. That was bound to change with Luciana back, and he already couldn’t deal with it. Didn’t want to.
Nick's gone when he reenters his room and he’s a bit disappointed. He dresses, eats a protein bar, drinks some water before getting in bed and he turning off the light. He closes his eyes, and proceeds to toss and turn for over two hours. He keeps his ears peeled for the slightest noise from Nick's room, but he doesn’t hear anything – much to his relief.
He gets up after awhile, deciding to check the perimeter, but he doesn’t get far. In fact, he doesn’t even make it out of his room because as soon as he opens the door, Nick is there – hand poised as if to knock.
“Nicky…”
“Can’t sleep can you?” Nick guesses, he steps forward, forcing Troy back.
“How'd you know?”
“I keep hearing your headboard hit the wall,” Nick explains, brushing past him into the room. “At first, I thought you were just jacking off, but it’s been hours.”
Troy snorts as he shuts the door. He turns, heart skipping when he finds Nick right there, less than a foot between them.
Nick grabs his hand and leads him to the bed. “Come on.” He drops Troy’s hand and crawls under the covers.
Troy kicks off his boots, and joins him. All it takes is Nick tapping his chest once before Troy places his head there, closing his eyes.
A soft, warm hand strokes his forehead and the bitter feeling that’s burned in his chest all day slowly starts to die. It doesn’t go away completely until Nick eventually says, “She’s not my girlfriend.”
Troy, completely under Nick's spell up to that point, goes, “What?” as his eyes flutter open.
“Earlier you said you didn’t want to hear me and my girlfriend bone,” Nick reminds him quietly, “but Luciana isn’t my girlfriend.”
Troy stares at the soft skin under him, fingers twitching over Nick's stomach. He refrains from sighing a breath of relief. "Oh,” he says, then, because he’s a curious bastard by nature, “Why not?”
Nick runs his fingers through Troy's hair, pushing back his curls, and Troy closes his eyes again – relishing the sensation. “She left me, and I get it, I do, but it still hurts to get left behind. I don't think I can get past that - at least not fully."
“I’ll never leave you,” Troy blurts sleepily, tensing up when he realizes what he said.
Nick's hand stills, and Troy worries he’s said the wrong thing until it eventually starts moving again. “I’m holding you to that," Nick says softly.
Troy relaxes fully, and eventually drifts off.
Four
Troy frowns as Rachel touches his chest. He hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying, and the sudden touch felt out of place.
“So,” she says seductively, “why don’t I show you just how grateful I am?”
Troy takes a step back. “Not interested.”
Rachel doesn’t drop it immediately. She steps forward, hand going to rest on Troy’s belt. “Come on, it’s been awhile for both of us. I don’t have a condom, but I’ll suck you off.”
“Not interested,” Troy repeats, moving her hand off him.
She pouts. "Why not? Somethin' wrong with me?"
"I'm just not into casual sex," Troy tells her.
Rachel studies him a moment, then asks, “Is it because of Nick?"
“We’re not together.” Troy answers automatically – used to new people hitting on him and immediately assuming he was with Nick when he rejected them.
“That’s not what I asked,” Rachel points out.
"It's not because of Nicky,” Troy lies.
Rachel looks doubtful, but after a beat she just smiles wistfully. “Okay, well, if you change your mind you know where to find me.” She kisses his cheek and walks off, winking back at him when he turns, stunned, to look at her.
Troy blinks after her, then he laughs to himself. He isn’t really sure what just happened, but then he never really was great at reading women. He turns to go back to the crops and finds Nick staring at him from where he’s planting beets. He nods at him and Nick looks away. He furrows his brow and walks over to help him.
For the rest of the day Nick is in a bad mood, and Troy can’t fathom why, but he gets the hint that he did something. So. He does the only thing he can think of – he trades a box of his protein bars for a pack of cigarettes and leaves them on Nick’s pillow before heading to his room for the night.
He usually knows what he did to piss Nick off – even did it on purpose sometimes because then Nick would treat him rougher, have this look of pure rage burning in his eyes, but still defend Troy with his every breath to anyone who had a problem with him. Today though, he has no idea and it makes him restless.
He’s tired from farming all day, but he doesn’t bother trying to sleep. Until he gets a sign from Nick that he’s not mad anymore he won’t be able to rest. He cleans his room, sorting clean clothes from dirty ones, organizing his small collection of weapons, and then grabbing his journal to write in.
He writes down the day’s progress throughout the Diamond as he'd learned about from dinner. It’s as he’s writing about planting the crops that a thought strikes him.
Nick had been having fun with him, teasing Troy about the stories he told about his early farming mishaps, and then Rachel had asked to speak to him. It wasn’t until after she'd kissed his cheek and walked away that Nick had gotten angry and the only conclusion Troy could draw was that Nick was jealous but…well that sounded ridiculous. Nick couldn’t be jealous of a girl kissing Troy because that would imply he wanted to be the one to kiss Troy and that wasn't something friends wanted. Which they were. Just friends.
Except maybe a small part of Troy did want Nick to be jealous. Just a tiny part really. Definitely not his entire being.
Besides, Nick probably had a thing for a Rachel and didn't appreciate her cozying up to him. That made more sense to Troy, even if he found it terribly upsetting.
Three quick knocks on his door pull him out of his thoughts.
“Come in!” He calls.
Nick barges in – freshly showered and appearing less angry – looking around the small room. After a moment he lays down at the foot of the bed, staring up at the ceiling as he says, “I got your apology cigarettes...What'd they cost you this time?”
“Box of protein bars,” Troy answers. He closes his journal and sets it on the nightstand.
Nick sighs, draping his arm over his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Kind of felt like I did with the cold shoulder you’ve been giving me all day,” Troy tells him, letting some of his annoyance bleed through.
“I’m sorry, okay? I…I saw Rachel kiss you and I got jealous.”
Troy’s heart skips. “Jealous?”
“I’ve had you all to myself for months now, man, and I just kind of assumed you wouldn’t be open to attention from anyone else so it'd stay that way forever.”
Forever.
“Oh.”
Nick moves his arm from his eyes and looks up at Troy. “Is it weird that I think of you as mine?”
Troy's heart races and he struggles to answer, unsure what Nick meant by that exactly. He know what he hopes it means.
“I mean, like you’re a part of me…that if I lost you it'd be like losing an arm or a leg. I'd always feel your loss...like a phantom limb.”
Troy stares at him in shock. It wasn’t a love confession, but it was something better – a declaration of need and an admission of want for Troy in his life – two things Troy had always wanted from his family, even if he could never have their love.
Nick keeps his gaze on Troy, patiently waiting for a response.
“I think of you as mine too,” Troy tells him. Nick didn’t need to know that Troy was his in every conceivable way. Not unless he admitted to having feelings of his own for Troy.
Relief washed over Nick's face and he sat up. “I overreacted earlier because I don’t want anyone to come in between us and in my experience, relationships always affect the time people spend with their friends and…call me a selfish prick, but...I like having you all to myself.”
Troy grins, filling with warmth. “I knew you loved me.”
Nick laughs, obviously remembering Troy’s words from months ago spoken in jest. He crawls over to the empty space next to Troy. “Well you are my best friend. Kind of comes with the territory."
Troy’s grin grows bigger. “I’m your only friend.”
“And I’m your only friend,” Nick points out.
Troy shrugs. “Well then that means your my best friend too, doesn’t it?”
Nick smiles for a half a second then it slips away. “And your worst one for making you trade your protein bars and clean your room over nothing."
“It's fine, Nicky.”
“No it’s not. I know how much trouble you have sleeping sometimes.”
“What make you think you’re the reason I’m still up?” Troy questions.
“Because you never let me go to bed angry at you,” Nick says. “If the cigarettes don’t work you always apologize and make sure we're okay. Makes it hard to stay pissed off.”
“Well that’s the point of apologizing isn’t it?”
Nick narrows his eyes at him. “You’re supposed to apologize because you feel bad about what you did.”
“I do feel bad… about upsetting you..."
Nick huffs. “You’re such an irritating bastard, you know that?”
Troy shrugs with a smirk. “Yeah, but you still love me anyway.”
Nick rolls his eyes, and slips under the covers. “Shut up and lay down.”
“Always so damn bossy,” Troy mutters, but he turns off his lamp and makes himself comfy. He closes his eyes, feeling them burn with sleep.
“What are you doing?” Nick questions.
Troy frowns and looks at him. “Sleeping?”
Nick taps his chest and Troy bites back a smile as he snuggles up to him, settling his head on Nick's chest like always.
He leans into the hand that strokes his forehead, and pushes his hair out of his face, melting under it. Being here like this with Nick is the closest he's ever felt to peace.
“I’m not interested in Rachel,” Troy mumbles as he starts to drift off.
“Why not?” Nick asks.
He almost blurts out she’s not you, but catches himself in time. “Not my type.”
“And what is your type?”
He pictures Nick's face and mutters, “Assholes with a charming smile.”
Nick snorts. “Narcissism isn’t cute,”
Troy isn’t sure, but he thinks he says. “No, but you are,” before he passes out.
Five
Nick's been scavenging all day with Alicia and he’s exhausted. The moon is high in the sky, and the stars shine bright around it. It's a beautiful, clear night, and it almost makes up for the shitty day he’s had.
Not only had they barely found anything useful, but their car broke down and they'd had to walk six miles with a horde in the opposite direction of the Diamond. The only real luck they'd had was finding a range rover to get them home.
Madison greets them, and Nick carefully ducks the hug she tries to pull him into. She tells them how worried she was, and then asks if they were hungry.
Before Nick can respond he hears a relieved, “Nicky,” and then he's being pulled into Troy’s arms, feeling a hand settle in the hair at the back of his neck and another in between his shoulder blades.
He smiles, and hugs Troy tightly, closing his eyes as pure relief washes over him. The solid press of Troy against him both a comfort and an apology for his shitty day. This is what made coming back to the Diamond feel like home. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were worried about me,” Nick teases.
“It’s a good thing you know better,” Troy says, even as he presses his face gently against Nick's and all the tension seems to leave his body. He smells like a mix of cinnamon, and something musky that Nick can't place but loves.
Madison clears her throat, and Nick sighs internally.
He squeezes Troy one last time before pulling away. “I’m starving.”
“I saved you some stew,” Troy tells him, eyes scanning Nick for cuts, bruises or bites under the blood coating his skin.
Alicia is quick to ask Madison if she’ll make her something to eat while she showers. Nick sees it as it is – a distraction – and gestures for Troy to follow him as his mother's gaze shifts over to her daughter.
Nick goes to bathe while Troy heats up the stew. When he returns to his room he finds Troy sitting on the bed, sharpening Nick's knife – something he often did because he didn’t think Nick sharpened it enough. He remembers then the gift he'd found while he was out.
Nick goes to his bag, digging through it until he finds it. He hides it behind his back and walks over to Troy who looks at him curiously. “Got something for you.”
“What is it?” Troy questions.
Nick shows him the two small boxes of shotgun shells and watches as Troy’s face lights up with excitement.
“Where did you find them?!”
“Finally cracked the safe at the gun shop,” Nick tells him proudly. He'd been trying for over a month to get it open and all he'd found besides stacks of money, and a passport were the extra shells to Troy’s new favorite toy.
Troy looks so happy and it fills Nick with warmth for being the one to put that big grin on his face.
Troy takes the shells, and finishes sharpening Nick's knife while he eats and talks about his long day outside the stadium. It’s during this time that he notices how tired Troy looks. He knows the other man had woken up early to take guard duty from Strand and that he’s usually in bed by now.
The only conclusion Nick can draw is that Troy actually had been worried about him – so much so that he couldn’t sleep. He smiles at the thought. He knows now what this gravitational pull to Troy is, has for awhile, and he thinks Troy does too.
“What are you smiling about?” Troy asks as he sticks the knife in the nightstand.
“Nothing.”
Troy doesn’t appear to believe him, but doesn’t pry. He starts to get up after a quick glance at Nick. “You look exhausted. I’ll let you sleep.”
Nick's hand shoots out to grab Troy’s, and the other man turns to look at him, confusion evident in his eyes. “You couldn’t sleep while I was gone…could you?”
Troy stares at him a moment, then shakes his head slowly.
“Then don’t bother going to your room,” Nick says. “Just stay with me tonight."
Troy blinks at him in surprise.
Nick sets his empty bowl on the nightstand. “Let’s sleep.” He slips under the covers and settles comfortably into the bed.
Troy is slow to move as if he thinks it's some kind of trick, but eventually he puts both the whetstone and the shells in his hand on the nightstand, then gets into bed after turning off the light. He waits until Nick taps his chest before sliding over to rest his head there.
Nick strokes his forehead, smiling as Troy leans into the touch. He wasn’t ready the last time this happened for things to change between them, afraid to admit too much and lose his best friend, but now…well he thinks they’ll be okay even if Troy doesn’t love him the same.
“I missed you today,” Nick says quietly.
Troy nuzzles gently into his chest, one calloused hand moving to rest on Nick’s stomach. “I don’t like it when you leave without me.”
“Yeah?”
“Can’t keep you safe if I’m not with you.” Troy tells him. “All I can do is go out my damn mind until you come back.”
“So you were worried about me.” Nick says.
Troy doesn’t answer.
“It’s okay you can admit it.”
“Admit what?” Troy asks stubbornly.
“That you love me.”
Troy huffs. “Stealing my lines now, Nicky?”
Nick stops stroking his forehead, tangling his fingers in Troy’s curls before jerking his head back. He waits until Troy’s eyes flutter open before he asks, “What are you gonna do about it?” as overtly flirty as he can.
Troy blinks up at him slowly. He’s watching Nick with uncertainty in his eyes.
Nick tugs Troy’s head back farther and leans in until their faces are inches apart, breaths mingling together. “Would you stop me if I kissed you?” He whispers.
Troy’s gaze flicks to his mouth, and he shakes his head.
Nick brushes their lips together – a feathery, barely-there touch – and Troy chases after him when he pulls back slightly. He smiles and kisses Troy, chapped lips pressing insistently against his own. He closes his eyes and deepens the kiss. It feels freeing to kiss Troy, addicting even.
He pulls away after a moment, resting their foreheads together before slowly opening his eyes to look at Troy. “If you won’t admit it, I will…I love you, Troy.” Nick tells him softly.
Troy smiles at him, and Nick feels a hand on the back of his neck pressing him closer. “I love you too, Nicky.”
Nick smiles and kisses him, again and again until Troy pulls away, nuzzling his forehead against Nick's.
“As much I like kissin' you, I’m running on empty here,” Troy says ruefully, eyes still closed.
Nick nods and Troy steals one more kiss before he takes his usual position on his chest and Nick starts gently stroking his forehead. Tomorrow. Things could change more tomorrow. For now, they could enjoy the familiarity of this.
"Nicky?" Troy asks after a few quiet moments.
"Yeah?"
"I was worried about you."
Nick smiles and kisses Troy’s forehead. "Better go to sleep before you do something crazy like compliment me."
Troy snorts. "What's there to compliment? Your shitty farming skills?"
Nick huffs. "Asshole." He opens his eyes, and catches the smile on Troy’s lip. Seems they both had a type.
Plus One
Nick tosses and turns fitfully for hours, but sleep won’t come. He knows why of course. He hasn’t slept in his bed alone for eight months and it feels wrong to have so much empty space next to him. He curses and kicks off the blankets, marching straight down to the infirmary where Troy’s resting up after getting shot by Charlie – a girl Nick had tried to help.
Troy’s fast asleep when he enters and Nick is careful to be quiet as he walks over to the chair next to Troy’s cot. He doubts he’ll be able to sleep in the uncomfortable chair, but if he was doomed to be awake he could at least watch over the man he loved.
It was comforting watching the rise and fall of Troy’s chest. He leaned over in the chair placing his ear to Troy’s chest just to listen to his heart beat, to reassure himself again that yes, Troy was very much alive. He closes his eyes and stays there.
He feels a warm calloused hand stroke his forehead. “Can’t get rid of me that easy,” Troy says quietly.
Nick smiles, and snuggles closer to him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s all right. Been sleeping all day anyway.” Troy tells him. “Let me guess, you couldn’t sleep without me?”
Nick shakes his head. "Feels weird not having you plastered against me."
"I know what you mean. If it weren't for the pain meds, I wouldn't've slept at all."
Nick lightly trails his fingers over Troy’s bandaged chest - stopping just before he reaches the wound. The bandages are still clean, meaning Naomi must've changed them recently.
Troy places his hand over Nick's, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of Nick's hand. "I'm still here, Nicky."
Nick nods, letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.
Troy strokes his forehead gently. “Sleep, Nicky. I’ll watch over you.”
Nick allowed Troy’s gentle touch to lull him to sleep, finding peace in it.