Chapter Text
jimin isn’t having a good day. he woke up and his hearing was all messed up, one ear felt like it was underwater— maybe he’s actually drowning this time and the other was just too loud. when he arrived at work, the coffee machine was out of order. he knew he should have just made coffee at home, but he got out of bed too late because the pressure on his chest and knees just wasn’t right and the warmth from namjoon’s side of the bed was fading too fast and he couldn’t possibly lift his body up and out of bed (but despite it all, he did anyway). his hearing was back to normal by lunchtime, but now he couldn’t smell right, which made the turkey sandwich namjoon had so graciously made for him taste like actual sand— maybe that’s why it’s called a sandwich.
he had to walk home in the rain, which usually wouldn’t be too bad, but today it felt as if each raindrop plummeting down onto his shoulders and back was just weighing him down even more and more, until soon he would merely become just a big lump of jimin on the sidewalk for people to step around and say ew, what is that? he forgot his umbrella and his feet are starting to hurt, too.
the apartment building is closer than he expects, which is a pleasant surprise, but when he unlocks the door and steps into the threshold he realizes the windows have been open all day and now their apartment is overwhelmingly cold. he slips off his black derby shoes on the front shoe mat and removes his socks to throw in the laundry. he takes his shirt and pants off too, even though it’s numbly cold but he can’t handle the scratchy material on his neck or have his pant legs tickling his ankles with every step any longer. he drags his feet to the bedroom after throwing his dirty clothes on the floor beside the closet. he quite literally flops on top of the cool bedsheets and lets himself sink into the soft comfort of the mattress. sometimes, when he does this, he wonders if he is actually melting into the bed, just slowly turning into a puddle that would make the blankets all wet and it would soak into the mattress and feel sticky and gross— he doesn’t really want to be a puddle, because then namjoon would have to strip the sheets before he could get into bed .
he loses himself in his mind for a bit, doing essentially nothing but thinking about absolutely everything, and somehow going down the bumpy paths of the deep questions he will think about for hours on end. he often finds himself questioning things like this, maybe he should take fewer philosophy classes, but he sometimes enjoys getting lost inside himself. other times, he gets so far into his head that he seems to get stuck, just wandering aimlessly or in circles. he doesn’t enjoy that.
he doesn’t know how long it is before he slowly comes back to reality. the earth outside of the bedroom could have turned into dust for all he knows, but he wouldn’t have noticed with his face stuffed into the feather pillows that smell of namjoon’s vanilla & almond shampoo— and, oh, his smell has returned. he is confused when he hears shuffling from behind him. it takes a great effort but he manages to lift his head and turn around enough to make out the silhouette of namjoon messing with something in the dresser through his blurry vision.
“hyu..” he barely croaks out, and he realizes that speaking is not going to be happening anytime soon considering the gargantuan exertion just half of the word took. it's like he’s forcing his words out through a non-newtonian fluid, where if you go too fast the liquid stiffens. namjoon makes a noise in surprise, turns around and walks to the bed, swimming into jimin’s slowly un-fogging vision.
they have a split second of eye contact before it comes out of nowhere, the overwhelming urge to cry that hits jimin right in the center of his chest. his heart feels like its been being ripped apart and glued back together all at the same time because, shit, he missed his boyfriend today.
the choked cry jimin lets out is all namjoon needs to know before clambering onto the bed with him and wrapping his long arms around his bare upper back, olive-colored skin standing out against the contrasting light yellow color of jimin’s flesh. jimin lets himself fall into namjoon’s arms and his emotions take over, engulfing him in a dark, thick cloud, much like the ones still outside. jimin’s tears spill rapidly onto namjoon’s beige sweater, creating a large darker patch on his shoulder. namjoon rocks him gently while his whole body shakes with sobs.
jimin’s wails start to quiet slowly and when they’ve just turned to small sniffles, jimin gently pushes away from the other’s body. “sorry,” jimin helplessly signs onto his unclothed chest while he tries to control the shaking of his hands.
“hey, don’t be,” namjoon says and grabs jimin’s fist to pull him closer again and with his other hand he wipes jimin’s red-tinted cheeks that still glisten with newly born tears. “you must be freezing, let’s get some clothes, yeah?” namjoon says and pulls jimin off of the bed, the white duvet pooling onto the floor by his feet. he suddenly now feels foolishly vulnerable standing in the middle of the room in nothing but a pair of dark green boxers, but he takes one look at namjoon and he instantly feels protected and safe. with namjoon’s hand still laced with jimin’s, he opens the set of drawers they have on the opposite side of the wall. it isn’t until after namjoon helps him pull on (one of namjoon’s) grey, loose-necked sweatshirt and black sweatpants that jimin realizes just how cold he had been. “socks?” namjoon asks, holding up a thick blue pair of ankle socks. jimin shudders at the thought because his feet will explode from the pressure or turn purple and fall off from oxygen deprivation if he puts socks on. he shakes his head almost too vigorously causing his head to spin and his brain to feel like it’s going to spill out of his ears. he winces and if namjoon wasn’t still holding onto his arm to ground him he probably would have lost his balance. “have you eaten yet?” namjoon asks, obviously noticing the paling of jimin’s face and pinched eyebrows after simply moving his head from side to side just moments earlier. jimin processes the question, then realizes all he’s eaten is the sandy sandwich for lunch. it takes only a teary, sorry look from jimin for namjoon to know the answer.
jimin is ushered to the door after namjoon put away the unwanted socks and jimin releases a breath of relief when he steps out of the bedroom and it appears that the earth has, in fact, not been demolished. he notices that the windows have been closed and it’s noticeably a few degrees warmer already. his pile of dirty clothes that was in the bedroom isn’t there anymore, and either they sprouted legs and arms and ran out of the apartment and closed the windows behind them— so kind , or namjoon did it. jimin is hoping it’s the latter because he can’t deal with his clothing coming alive right now.
seated at the wood kitchen table, he doesn’t feel that hungry, but when a steaming bowl of kimchi-jjigae and a small platter of cut fruit (no oranges or grapes because the textures of those make him nauseous) is placed in front of him, he finds his stomach growling needily at him. he abruptly feels like crying again, so when he lets out a whimper, namjoon is quickly placing down his own plate next to jimin’s, and is behind his chair, kissing the top of the other’s blonde hair. he pulls his bangs up and out of his eyes, then kisses the top of his head where his forehead and hairline meet. “why so many tears today, baby?”
jimin tucks his feet underneath himself and sighs. why is he still crying? maybe it’s because of his crappy day, each bad event stacking and stacking on top of each other but now the tower he’s built has become too tall, and it’s crumbling down. or maybe it’s the genuine affection and devotion namjoon is giving him so effortlessly, and the mere thought of the effort he is putting into this makes jimin think he is undeserving of this love.
he goes with the former, even though he’s sure it’s more of the latter, and signs sloppily, “bad day” with both hands. namjoon hums in sympathy and pecks his forehead again and wipes his cheeks with his thumbs before taking his seat.
they sit mostly in silence for a bit, the occasional hum in satisfaction or sniffle from jimin. with empty plates and full stomachs, namjoon suggests turning on music. jimin shrugs and stands up to clear his plate, still feeling a bit like crumbling down onto the hardwood floor like a dropped pastry. namjoon pulls out his phone to connect to the speaker and soon a soft melody flows throughout the apartment. it travels into all the nooks and crannies of the small space, drifting up to the ceiling and all the way to the ground where jimin’s toes wiggle in anticipation. namjoon’s hums fill his ears as he steps closer to his boyfriend, and suddenly they’re touching, touching all over in a way that makes jimin all giddy and turns his insides hot, but in a good way. hands intertwined, they shuffle in sync to the living room where the music is the loudest. jimin is somehow pulled closer to namjoon, their chests pressed together and he feels the rhythmic beat of his heartbeat which oddly matches the tempo of the music. he leans his head onto namjoon’s shoulder, breath soft next to his ear, tickling those pesky baby hairs that he never knows how to style.
the next song starts to play and jimin instantly recognizes the tune. he feels himself smile into namjoon’s neck, the plumpness in his cheeks pressing his eyes closed. namjoon starts to sway along to the beat of the chorus and jimin instinctively puts his bare feet on top of namjoon’s socked ones. namjoon starts to hum again, a deep tune that jimin can feel vibrating off his chest and into jimin’s heart.
jimin presses kisses onto his neck and trails down to his collarbone like warm raindrops, each one saying i love you, i love you, i love you. namjoon squeezes jimin around the waist a little tighter as if to say i love you, too . jimin’s insides spark because he loves this unspoken code, he loves hiding in namjoon’s neck, loves the way namjoon smells right now— like coffee shops on saturday mornings and the fresh smell the earth gives after it rains. he loves namjoon’s hands on his waist, his lips now on the top of his head and his ear and his jawline, he loves namjoon. jimin feels a lot less like melting like candle wax after you leave it burning for too long.
the song ends and they detach from each other so jimin can spin in lazy circles around namjoon, like how the moon orbits around the earth, his brain supplies. namjoon smiles at him, dimples like he’s made out of clay and someone has pressed their thumbs into his cheeks and created deep craters there. jimin stops spinning in front of namjoon and presses his heels back onto the floor but keeps his hands into small, tight fists and arms pulled up to his chest. namjoon catches jimin by the hands before he can spin away again and pulls him in to kiss him right on the lips, which are pursed and also a bit wet from jimin licking them out of pure contentment. the kiss tastes syrupy and savory, like the dinner they just had mixed with the cut-up fruit and whatever sweet juice namjoon was drinking. jimin dissolves into it, this feeling, drawing him closer to namjoon and letting his fists open a bit, just to close again around namjoon’s collar of his cotton shirt. it dawns on jimin how easily his bitter mood can be turned right side up with the help of just namjoon.
“shower?” namjoon asks when the kiss breaks off, their lips still tingling with the taste of the other and noses still touching, casting puffs of breaths on each others’ cheeks. jimin hums in compliance and they soon find themselves in the bathroom. the water is twisted on by namjoon, a steaming waterfall pelting down to the bathtub floor. they undress, leaving a pile of clothes next to the toilet. the shower is hot when they get in together, so different from the rain jimin walked home in. he shudders at the thought of it, not wanting anything to do with the weather outside. namjoon hugs him around the waist under the flow of water that still hits his back. he squirts out a dollop of coconut shampoo, rubbing it around his hands before threading his fingers through jimin’s hair. his eyes fall closed and he leans into the touch, satisfied by the way namjoon is massaging his scalp.
“feeling better?” namjoon questions, speaking up over the fall of water. jimin nods into namjoon’s palms. after his hair is conditioned and body washed with his favorite soft lavender body wash, jimin realizes something. he looks up at namjoon with a perplexed look, then points to him, hoping he’ll get the point. “oh, i showered this morning. don’t worry about it, love,” he replies, and it relieves jimin of the guilt that he isn’t helping namjoon at all.
once jimin feels clean, the water is switched off, leaving his ears ringing in the silence of the bathroom. namjoon makes sure the lights are clicked off before they leave. namjoon takes their dirty clothes to the washing machine while jimin shuffles through the pajama drawer. he pulls out a matching plaid set for himself, sniffing it to make sure it still smells fresh before putting it on over his boxers. namjoon comes back and puts on his own pajamas, consisting of just sweats and a muscle tee.
they climb into bed together after the sheets are pulled into place. jimin slots himself beside namjoon, his arms instinctively wrapping around his shoulders. their bodies fit nicely together. he kisses in between his collarbones, i love you, then his adam’s apple, so much, then his chin where he nicked himself while shaving, you have, then his lips, still glistening from the chapstick he put on a bit ago, no idea.
but, jimin thinks, maybe he does have an idea.