Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun was bright and beautiful and lovely. The wind was blowing over the rolling hills outside the barn. Lapis rested on one, enjoying the sunny day, while Connie did the same in her own way - using her sword to practice basic swipes and stances. No reason to let the light go to waste, after all.

And then Peridot strolled out of the barn and began, “Connie, I was looking through your phone-”

“Nope. That’s not what I needed today.” Connie carefully put down her sword in the dirt, and looked down at the little green gem. “We need to talk about that.”

“Yes, that’s why I’m here.” Peridot rolled her eyes. “I thought we could compare record-”

“No. No.” She held up her hands. “Stop. You can’t go through people’s stuff.”

“Steven let me look through his bathroom!” Peridot protested. “You’re just being selfish! How else am I supposed to learn about you?”

Her voice was as flat as her expression, “By talking to me?”

“We’re talking now!” she chirped, beaming back at Connie. “About your phone and the recordings. I thought we could compare-”

“Stop!” Connie groaned, covering her face just so she didn’t have to look at that downright contagious smile. “Please. Peridot, my phone is private. There’s personal stuff on there. I don’t want you looking through it, okay?”

“Why can FaceSpace have your information? You trust her and not me? You’ve never even met FaceSpace!”

Connie tried not to smile. It wasn’t funny. Smiling would just encourage Peridot. “Well-”

“And YoctoSearch! She gets to know everything too! I’m a much better friend than any of these people, but when I ask to implant location services into people everyone gets upset.”

“Stop bringing that up,” Lapis called.

“Then stop leaving without telling me where you’re going!” Peridot retorted.

“Please, focus. Over here.” Connie waved her hands in front of Peridot’s face. “I don’t want them to have my information! They just take it and there’s nothing I can do about it unless I get rid of all my accounts. If I get rid of all my accounts it’s harder to talk to my friends here in Beach City, and my family and penpals from all across the world.”

Peridot crossed her arms. “Nice try! If that was true, why wouldn’t you just scramble the signal and randomly generate profiles to hide your information?”

“Because I don’t know how to do that!” Connie cried, exasperated. Her hands flung up in the air, and she was glad she remembered to put her sword down before talking to Peridot. Peridot tended to make Connie fling her arms around a lot. “If I did, I wouldn’t let a bunch of giant, weird shadowy corporations steal all my data!”

“Really?” she asked. “You’re not just best friends with FaceSpace?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want anyone to have all that, but especially not people like FaceSpace! We’re reaching peak oil, Peridot! What happens if we haven’t developed alternative energy sources and YoctoSearch’s AI knows where I live? I don’t want to be a drone worker in the apocalypse!”

Peridot looked down at Connie’s phone, completely ignoring her dramatic outburst. “I can fix that.”

She blinked. “What?”

“Hiding your information. It’s easy.” She walked to her computer (some kind of scientific calculator) and plugged in the phone. Her fingers typed away as she spoke. “And the peak oil is an interesting thought experiment. Solar is obviously the superior source on a planet as close to its star as this one, but a planet with oceans like this once could utilize-”

“Water currents as an energy source,” Connie finished, starting to grin. “Yeah. The biggest risk is sea life, but you can make generators that are safer to fish than windmills are to birds.”

“Yeah!” She laughed. “Not bad for a human!”

Connie looked over her new phone, impressed by the sudden banishment of ads from her phone as she clicked through several of her favorite websites. The two that did manage to sneak through were in random languages, from random countries. “Not so bad yourself. You were asking about my recordings. Did you mean my lectures from school? Or audiobooks? I know some really good ones.”

“No, I meant all the recordings of Steven that you listen to every night.” Peridot shrugged. She looked over at Connie, seeing the girl’s expression scrunch up and go red. “What are you doing with your face?”

“It’s his songs. They help me fall asleep when I’m stressed - especially now that he’s, well…” She trailed off, looking down at the ground. “Don’t tell Steven.”

“Why not?”

“It’s embarrassing!”

“It’s just music!” Peridot snorted. “I was going to ask if you wanted some of my recordings of his songs. He sings a bunch when you’re not around too.”

“Oh, I don’t think I should.” She shook her head. “That’s probably private too. You should probably assume lots of things are private, Peridot.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I already took out the ones he told me not to tell you about. Which is eighty five point seven percent of the ones you haven’t heard, but there’s still some good ones.” She held out a flashdrive. “Here. Your computers can use this, right? I copied all yours to my devices already.”

Connie smiled a little. “You miss him too?”

“He’s my best friend. Of course I miss him. I assumed you did too, being his third best friend.” She smiled, patting her arm with all the condescension of someone who believed herself to be in first place. “I was going to talk about music, but the energy crisis sounds more interesting.”

Connie hesitated a moment, then took the stick. Her face was still red as she slipped it into her pocket. “So…peak oil, huh?”

Chapter Text

Connie doesn’t always love the violin. She starts playing before she wants to, before she really wants things at all. She can’t remember a week where she hasn’t gone to a violin lesson.

She never really hates the violin because of it. It’s just there. Like clothes she doesn’t choose. Like dinner on the table. Like school. Like tennis. What else is there? Connie plays the violin because Connie plays the violin.

It’s a ukulele! It’s probably my favorite.

Do they give out ukulele scholarships?

I don’t think so. But it’s fun!

Connie plays classical music. Well, first, she plays nursery songs. Baa Baa Black Sheep and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same melody. She likes singing along to those. She doesn’t think she’s a very good singer, but no one is around. During practice. Or… Well.

But classical songs don’t tend to come with lyrics, not the ones she plays at least. The kinds that get you to college. So she moves beyond nursery songs and plays in her living room without singing. Neither parent ever home. Just the quiet sound of pure notes, the painful sound of scratchy ones. And she… is fine. It’s fine. She doesn’t really like music anyway.

Sing with me! I wrote a whole song for Jam Bud time!

You wrote it?

Yeah, lyrics and everything.

I can’t really sing.

Sure you can. We’ll go up to the laundry room. No one can hear.

Connie is alone at home, so why not sing a little again? She takes a little bit of her free time to make up lyrics. Her rhyming dictionary sits on her desk, the spine cracking more and more as copies of her sheet music fills up with words. It makes violin practice almost fun, to imagine what lyrics Vivaldi would have put to his songs. Mom wouldn’t complain about that, would she? It’s still Vivaldi.

(but she doesn’t tell her just in case)

And sometimes she shows what she writes to Steven, and they play together. He sings her lyrics. And that just makes violin practice just… just… not so bad at all.

You play violin, right? Schtuball, could you grab my Liana Sierra CDs? You’re gonna love this, Connie.

What is it?

She plays acoustic and electric violin. It’s all rock and alternative, so it’s something a little different from what you’re used to.

Connie likes the violin. Sometimes… sometimes she almost loves it. The wind whips her hair as she stands by the washer and drier, her bow wobbling and twisting over the strings, keeping up with the wild pace of the song. It’s so easy! Somehow, it’s all falling into place. It’s not a chore. It’s just right.

Steven’s voice slides along the notes, blending into the lowest growls to the piercing screams. Oh, classical music had feelings, she couldn’t deny that, but these songs thrummed through her, filled her up, made silence a struggle rather than a requirement. It’s her, screaming in the ways she never could, shouting and laughing and cheering and crying all at once.

Would you want to put on a concert?

What?!

Just for the gems. And my dad. It’ll be fun!

I don’t think you dad wants to hear me ruin Liana Sierra’s songs.

Don’t say that! You’re amazing. Everyone will love it.

She doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but every year she goes to a home for the elderly with her violin teacher and her other students play religious songs, and every note across the strings whispers liar liar liar under the sweet voice of someone singing the carols. She knows she’s a liar, but she hates thinking about it.

She usually throws up before she goes on stage (she doesn’t tell her parents, and she can throw up very quietly) and comes away drenched in sweat at the end (they tell her she needs some more deodorant and she agrees).

Those bad parts only happen twice at the temple. The first time she puts on a concert she

Connie! Connie! Are you sick?

Oh, dear, you’ve sweat through that shirt. Good thing we have extras from training!

Here’s a water bottle. Gimme the plastic when you’re done

And then just one more time when she

This piece is called Sinking Ships. I… I wrote it. And the lyrics, too.

Yay, Connie!

You got this girl!

And when she’s done, she’s sweating. She’s really sweating. And her heart is pounding so hard it’s almost impossible to hear all the cheering, the shouts for an encore. And she’s smiling so much it really hurts! And that’s why her eyes are stinging! Because she’s hurting from her smile because she’s… she’s actually…

Hey, kiddo, you’ve got to tell me when I can buy your album. I’ve got a space saved on my shelf!

Her eyes are so full of tears, she barely manages to keep them from falling.

She loves the violin.

Chapter Text

The last few days had been long. Planning a wedding for Ruby and Sapphire had been one thing, but a human wedding was quite a different affair. At least, it was with Steven involved. He had books and books of ideas that he was slowly refining, lists for contractors in and out of the state, as well as a list of gems he was sure could do just as good of a job. There were outfits to buy and a wedding party to pick and obviously the food had to be perfect, but Connie was tired. She wasn’t even sure what she said when he suddenly went off.

“Our wedding,” Steven snapped. He was frowning over her as she slumped on the couch, the coffee table full of wedding magazines before her. “It’s our wedding, Connie. Not my wedding. It’s not my day, it’s our day.”

She tried to sit up, to pay better attention. “I know that.”

He crossed his arms. “Do you? Because that’s not what you’re saying, and that’s not how you’re acting.”

“This is wedding stress!” She realized with a smile and hopped to her feet. Doing something always made her feel better. “I’ll take some of it off your shoulders. Just tell me what you want me to do, or give me your planner, and I’ll-”

“Connie Maheswaran.” He took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “We are getting married. What do you want at the wedding?”

“My family?” she mumbled with squished cheeks.

“And?”

She pushed his hands off softly. “That’s it. Whatever you want.”

“Oh, yeah?” He dipped down to the coffee table and held up a bridal magazine, the page flipped to an elaborate pink poofy dress, with so much volume it must have weighed thirty pounds. He was still looking frustrated, the lines on his face deeper than before. “Then I like this as your wedding dress! Sound good?”

She blanched as she imagined stumbling around the dance floor or up to the altar in it. “No, of course not!”

“Then participate!” He snapped. He took a deep breath, holding up his hands with the magazine still hanging open in one. “No. That’s wedding stress. That’s not how we talk to each other. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She looked down, heart sinking. “I haven’t been a lot of help, have I? I know know how to do a wedding. They’re these big celebrations with all these rules and you’ve been planning weddings for so long I don’t want to ruin it for you.”

“It’s our wedding. The party stuff is fun, but if you’re not happy, why do it at all?” He kissed her softly, then rested his forehead against hers. “Try me, Connie. Break a rule. What do you want?”

She looked down at the bridal magazine still in his hand. “I…”

“It’s okay. Just tell me.”

“I kind of want to…” She closed her eyes, cringing, waiting for another frustrated snap from him. “Wear a tux.”

Her eyes shut open at a sudden thunk, and she barely caught a glimpse of the magazine as it sunk down into the trash can. She looked back at Steven, his face as full of relief as hers was. “Done. You’ll get a tux. Is it okay if we still do it in ocean blue for the color?”

“Of course,” she whispered, eyes wide. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.” He agreed, starting to smile again. “Was there more stuff like that?”

She nodded quickly. “I wanted to wear my sword. It means a lot to me, to be able to protect you and stand by your side.”

“Done. We can get Bismuth to make a decorative sheath to match the tux.” For a moment, it looked like her was going to make a joke, then thought better of it. He nuzzled her nose softly. “Anything else?”

She started, her words slow and uncertain, “I want a video game station with our favorite games from growing up. And I want to put a hawk on the cake somewhere for the Unfamiliar Familiar when we talked about weddings for the first time.” It was tumbling out in a rush now and she could feel her cheeks getting hot as the words just kept coming, unstoppable, “I want Garnet to sing at the wedding. I want our song to be one of the ones you’ve written for us.”

Steven was beaming, eyes shining. “Connie! You’re so romantic!”

She shook her head. “But it’s not all flowers and pretty lights and the dress, oh, Steven, even Ruby wore the-”

“You’re Connie, space warrior extraodinaire.” He giggled. “Why would your wedding look like everyone else’s? It’s still romantic.”

“Our wedding,” she corrected with a grin. It faltered. “You haven’t brought it up but I’d really like Stevonnie to be there. Maybe even for the whole reception, just as much as they want. As much as we want.”

He swallowed hard, and she could see his eyes starting to shine with tears. “You didn’t seem interested in this stuff, so I thought you might not want to for something so silly. And with your family there, I thought you’d want to keep the gem stuff to a minimum.”

“Are you kidding? I love gem stuff!” Connie gushed. She pressed close to him and held him tight. “I thought you wanted a normal wedding! I was so worried that you wouldn’t want to be Stevonnie."

“But the whole day-” they said together, and light burned bright as they stretched and grew, leaving a tearful Stevonnie in their place. They wiped at their eyes. “This whole day is about this. Us.”

They looked around the room, the mess of magazines and lists and planners. There were discarded invitations, books Connie had brought to studies. There were so many notes written in the margins, angry cross-outs, prices - all the remnants of the stress of planning a big event. But, as they hugged themself tight, none of it mattered. They were here. Their wedding was just a few months away.

“It’ll be such an experience.”

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Steven and the Diamonds were busy, and someone needed to watch Spinel. The word she wanted to use was babysit, but that was not a word Spinel would have liked. It was best to avoid those kinds of words. For instance, working with Spinel was a puzzle. Her gut wanted to call it a minefield. Spinel definitely wouldn’t like that.

But Spinel did like puzzles. Games.

The trick was simply to keep Spinel focused on her until the meeting was over. Connie had plenty of practice at being a best friend. She knew what Spinel wanted to give her, and she knew that it was far more important for Spinel to give than receive.

The gift was attention, and it was crucial that it never drifted down the hall towards the ones Spinel was missing.

“I’m going on a picnic,” Connie said cheerfully. “And I’m bringing artichokes, Bismuth, and candy.”

“I’m going on a picnic,” Spinel returned. “I’m bringing artichokes, Bismuth, candy and…” her eyes flicked down the hall. “Diamonds.”

Oops. Wrong piece in the puzzle. Wrong word in the crossword. Connie laughed. “I don’t think Diamonds would like a picnic. Too much eating. Too much grass. Gross organics.” Connie wrinkled her nose.

Spinel giggled, doing a White Diamond impression, “Has this valley always been so…green?” She returned to her own voice then. “Diopside.”

Connie ran through the alphabet. Good. She had S today. “I’m going on a picnic.” She ran through the list while she searched her brain. What hadn’t she used for E before? What hadn’t Spinel heard of? It was so easy when she could use elephant and eel… “An ebullioscope.”

Spinel shook her head. “Using fake words again, Connie?”

“Nope!” Connie popped the p flamboyantly.

She crossed her arms. “What’s it mean?”

“It's a device that determines the boiling point of a liquid.” Connie enthusiastically described how, going into all the details she knew. There was a whole row complete in the puzzle, minutes ticking by.

The game moved on with long, meandering explanations from Connie for her obscure words. Then it halted again, Spinel’s eyes going down the hallway. “Love. I want to bring love to the picnic.”

She thought fast, nodding. “Good thing to bring! You want the food to be made with love, of course. It’s the best secret ingredient.”

“You can’t taste love.” Spinel hesitated. “Can you?”

“Sometimes. When someone you loves makes you food you think it tastes better, even if it doesn’t because he uses cheese puffs instead of fish.” She continued on, “And, of course, love is excellent to bring because you can always take love with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You save it up when someone gives it to you.” Connie tapped her chest. “When my dad goes on a business trip or my mom is too busy to come home, I just dip into some of that saved up love. With so many people loving you, you must have a lot saved up.”

Spinel blushed, saying dryly, “Very cute.”

Connie grinned. “Don’t you love cute? I save it up for you, you know. Ask Steven. I’m never adorable.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be going on a picnic?” she retorted.

Connie mock gasped. “You know what? I am! I think I’ll bring…”

“And a Pearl to pack-”

Connie raised an eyebrow. Spinel was better with not forcing castes onto gems than most, but she still fell into the habit on occasion. “Careful.”

“A punch!” Spinel threw her fist, massive, curled like a spring, and halted it an inch from Connie’s face. She laughed, doubled over with hysterics as she tugged it back. “How do you never flinch?”

“Aw, Spinel, I know you don’t hit.” She winked. "And you've got the longest windup."

She believed Spinel didn’t hit, because if she didn’t believe it, she would flinch. If she flinched, Spinel might worry. If Spinel worried, she might tumble down that bottomless well and fear and doubt and disaster, and Connie would have to plummet right down after her to drag her out. She wasn’t good at that, not like Steven.

So, Connie believed Spinel didn’t hit. And Spinel never did.

“Rose Quartz,” Spinel said.

“Are you sure?” Connie asked. “She doesn’t have to come at all.”

“I didn’t bring Pink Diamond this time. I could have. It was my turn!” Spinel protested.

“No, and I’m proud that you didn’t,” Connie said, putting as much warmth into her voice as she could. “But she doesn’t have to be there at all.”

“But if I don’t bring her, what if you don’t bring Steven? Then they won’t be there at all.” Spinel groaned and held her head. “Stupid. It’s just a game.”

“Hey, don’t worry. If you bring someone else, I’ll bring something even better.” Someone, not something. Spinel never brought things, she only brought people.

She took a deep breath, all shaky. “You promise?”

“I promise.” She beamed. “And, if you don't like it, I’ll bring Steven anyway. No risk at all.”

She conceded, “I bring Ruby.”

“Good. I’m going on a picnic, and I’m bringing…” She stepped forward, one foot after the other in a dance around Spinel. Each step, each word, was a full spin, and by the end of it she was so horribly dizzy that the room kept spinning, but she managed stopped perfectly in front of her ward. She tapped her nose. “And, finally, Spinel.”

She went bright red. “I’m not better than Steven!”

“For a picnic? Of course you are. You don’t eat anything. All the more quiddany for me.”

Spinel tried to smile, but it faltered. “I’d rather have Steven.”

Connie smiled back. Today was not the day they go without them. She nodded. “Okay. Then we bring both.”

“Isn’t that cheating?”

“We’ll keep it between us.”

“Like you being cute?” she taunted.

“Oh, no. You can tell everyone. No one will believe I’m this cute.” She rapped her fist lightly against her sword hilt at her hip. “I’m way too intimidating.”

“I’m bringing artichokes, Bismuth, candy, Diopside, an ebullioscope, Flourite, a geologist, Hiddenite, an iatrology textbook, Jasper, kakidrosis, love, a monopolylogue, Nephrite, ozostonia, Pearl, quiddany, Ruby, Steven and Spinel, Turquoise, an urbanist, Variscite, wastel, Xanthitane, yucca, and Zircon! That’s what I’m bringing on my picnic!” Spinel squealed like it was an achievement, but she had never, ever gotten one wrong. If anyone lost, it was Connie.

“Bravo! We managed to bring food this time!” Connie cheered, then sobered. “I forgot to bring water again. I’m dead.”

“We bring water too. Now to the Up Down Backwards Forwards Show!” Spinel bounced. Connie raised an eyebrow and Spinel groaned. “Come on! Please! Please, they’re not back yet. You can do it!”

Connie looked down the hallway, every movement exaggerated for Spinel’s amusement. “I don’t know. You know how I feel about anyone discovering my greatest secret.”

“But it’s so funny!” She laughed. “If you make me beg every time, I might not like you anymore, Connie.”

“Never. You think organics are too funny, with all our breathing and eating and inability to shapeshift.” She grinned and crossed her arms. “You know the magic words.”

“Please?” She batted her lashes.

“The other ones, though please always helps.”

She whispered, face red again, “Please be Spinel, Connie.”

“Because?” she insisted.

“Because…because I love Spinel.” She rubbed her cheeks. “Come on!”

Connie shimmied out of her sword belt, put her arms above her head and toppled forward. Soon, she was in a headstand, her hair draped across the floor. She wobbled quite a bit, but that was what Spinel found charming. Connie wasn’t made of light. Connie had to balance. “Picnic my on bringing I’m what that’s. Zircon. N-O-C-R-I-Z. Yucca. A-C-C-U-Y.”

Sometimes she wasn’t quite sure which word came next in the sequence and needed Spinel to prompt her. Sometimes she lost her balance and had to pop back up. Sometimes she would walk on her hands, or try to balance on one hand for an instant, or do a little hop.

Spinel loved every moment.

“You have to tell me how you keep her busy!” Steven begged. “All she ever says is that you’re her Spinel!”

“Sounds like an explanation to me,” she teased, adjusting her sword belt. “Is this crooked?”

“It’s fine. Come on! Tell me. It’s like magic." He nudged her softly. "You know the Diamonds have literally asked you to babysit? The same Diamonds who I’ve spent two years trying to call you by your name instead of my pet? Now all of a sudden you’re their on call babysitter! What do you do?”

“Well, if you really want to know.” Connie leaned over to his ear and whispered, “Basically, I stand on my head and recite obscure words I memorized for spelling bees backwards.”

He pulled back, looking at her flatly. “You just show her TubeTube videos, don’t you?”

“Actually,” Connie said with a smirk, “We do puzzles.”

Chapter Text

“I just worry,” Connie remembered her mother saying years ago, “that one day these cute little hugs are going to turn into something more serious. I don’t expect her not to date and I’ve been in the medical industry long enough that I know there’s nothing I can do to stop her but… I just don’t like it, Doug. It’s not appropriate!”

Steven had always been hands on. Their first meeting involved him rolling on top of her twice and it didn’t get less touchy form there. Connie hadn’t really noticed that Steven was overly affectionate - she hadn’t had friends before. It all seemed normal to her. When he grabbed her hand, she grabbed back. When he hugged, she hugged back. When he pulled a sword, she wrapped her arms around him to guide him with her barely applicable tennis training.

So it shouldn’t have been a problem that Steven was in her lap. Sixteen year old Steven. With broad shoulders. And muscles. And a more adult, angular face with the shadow of a beard that she had picture of on her phone that she looked at while she was away because he’d gotten so handsome. It really wasn’t fair that he had gone from eight to sixteen practically overnight. She didn’t get any time to prepare for the terribly grown up feelings that slammed into her all at once.

She felt a bit of stubble near her knee as his cheek nestled, trying to get more comfortable. His face was towards the TV they had been watching, but she was pretty sure from his even breathing that he had fallen asleep. He had done this over two years ago, when they were trapped on Homeworld. It shouldn’t have been a problem.

This was nice, platonic sleeping. The only difference was that he was so much heavier on her lap now. And so much warmer. The soft scratch of his barely there beard was enough to send a burning shiver straight up her spine, to bring sudden inappropriate thoughts about kissing and snuggling and…

She couldn’t just push him away. He worked so hard and he was so tired, but she didn’t have the effortless gem strength that would let her carry him to bed. If she tried to shift him, to carry him all the way up the stairs, she would wake him up for sure. It just seemed cruel.

She was puzzling what to do when the front door swung open. Connie waved her arm as Amethyst strolled in. The gem smiled and waved and started on her way to the warp. Connie shook her head, waving both her arms. Amethyst stopped and stared. Connie made a lifting motion with her arms and pointed upstairs. Amethyst gave her a thumbs up and grabbed Steven’s backpack and vanished upstairs, dropping it off in his room.

Connie looked for her bag. The bag she had left in Steven’s room. With her phone in it. She looked around for a pencil and paper. None within reach. By the time Amethyst came back down she simply gave her the thumbs up right back. Surely Steven would wake on his own any minute now?

 Twenty minutes later and Steven’s arms were wrapped around her legs. Both arms circled around her calves, pinning them in place with effortless strength. His face was still on her knees, and her entire body was tingling. Every little motion drew all her attention to it. The slow stroke of his fingers as they slid across her skin, trailing softly along the line of muscle there, made her breath catch, her chest tighten as if to hold in her thudding heart.

He turned his head, and her throat closed up with a tiny squeak as she felt his lips, just for an instant, across her thigh. It was made worse by the fuzzy feeling that radiated out, like the feeling of bubbles in the water popping across her skin as his healing magic searched for something to fix. She struggled to think of anything, absolutely anything other than the fact that it technically meant he had kissed her. There had to be something to think about other than wondering what it might feel like if his mouth was against hers and-

And then Garnet walked in. Connie waved her arms, a small gasp escaping this time. She mouthed “Help me!” Surely that would be clear enough for the brilliant, incredible, all-knowing Garnet? Surely Garnet could see the future where Connie was happiest and deduce the right course of action from there?

The fusion nodded and then… left? Where was she going? Garnet returned shortly and tossed something her way. Connie caught it without thinking and stared. A water bottle? What was the water bottle for? She looked back at Garnet. Two thumbs up. A grin. Finger guns? What did this mean? Was this a test? Was she supposed to pour it on Steven’s head? Should she drink it? Had someone taught Garnet about pranks and her first attempt was right now, at the moment she needed her most?

Garnet had left while Connie puzzled over the meaning. She set the water bottle aside. It was fine. She would just wake Steven and move on. It wasn’t mean. He would only be awake for a minute before he relocated to bed. This was the only sensible thing to do, and so she would do it.

 Time had ceased to matter. At some point, Steven had shifted and hugged and cuddled his way so that she was half laying down, with his head hugged to her belly and his arms snuggling around her waist. One hand had managed to find its way between a small gap of her blouse and her shorts, resting on the bare skin of her lower back. Any rational part of her brain shut down around then.

Every finger burned in its place, radiating heat from her spine. She had tried to tell herself it was some kind of gem magic, that it wasn’t her own body going crazy over a hand she had felt countless times in her own in a slightly more intimate spot from normal, but it didn’t work. Every time his fingers twitched in his sleep her breath caught again for a moment, focusing on the five heated points on either side of her spine.

From her front, she felt every hot burst of air from his lips through her blouse, making every inch of her skin raise in goosebumps. By now, surely she’d be well within politeness to shake him awake. She could do it with a joke. “Haha, Steven, you’re crushing me. You’re just so heavy. Your body is pressed up against me so tight I can feel your chest rising and falling and the fact that your body is alive and working is a miracle that makes me fall more in love with you. Haha. Hilarious.”

And, at the same time, part of her brain was just… sleepy. The TV was quiet and droning. The ocean beat softly at the beach, lulling her as it had so many times before. Steven was so warm, and she was so used to his comfortable weight beside her meaning it was time for her to nap. And maybe if she fell asleep, no one could get mad. Steven would wake up first, and he would be embarrassed, and no one would ever find out about her inconvenient feelings. No one could banish her for it if no one figured it out.

The door opened one last time. Pearl! Pearl was smart. She was saved! She stretched her lazy arms toward her, trying to mouth “help” but she wasn't sure if her half-asleep mouth was complying. Pearl came to her side, a hero, and whispered, “You can talk. He’s been so exhausted he’ll sleep through anything lately. Need some more pillows?”

“I’m trapped,” Connie whispered mournfully.

“What a prison,” she drawled. “It’s alright if you nap, Connie. I’ll be sure to wake you before it’s time to go home.”

Connie looked down at Steven, then back up at Pearl. “It’s inappropriate.”

“Connie, you’ve fused. The ship has sailed on inappropriate intimacy, but it’s very sweet of you to worry.” Pearl hesitated, looking thoughtful. “Not that you ever have before. When did this start?”

The heat was in her face now too. Was she blushing? Could Pearl tell?

She sighed and rubbed pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oh, dear. I thought this kind of thing didn’t start until eighteen.”

“I would like that a lot more,” Connie agreed.

“We all trust you, Connie,” Pearl said gently. “The two of you being young adults only makes that more true. But if this is something your parents would be concerned about, I’m happy to keep it between us.”

Connie pouted, her head falling back against the arm of the couch couch. “Everything’s going to change. I hate it.”

“It looks the same from where I’m standing.” Pearl smiled and ruffled her dark hair. “I’ll go get you two a blanket.”

Again, her salvation left, but Connie couldn’t seem to care. Everything was warm and soft and right. No one was there to tell her to push him away. Not one of Steven’s guardians seemed to mind his position at all. Steven was cuddly. She was cuddly. 

And maybe him touching her was starting to make her toes curl. And maybe she was starting to wonder what kissing felt like. And maybe she knew that there were things that often came after kissing that she might be interested in trying some day.

But, for now, the blanket was warm and Steven was soft, and more serious things could wait.

Chapter Text

It's cool on the beach, but Priyanka isn't sure that’s why Connie is shivering. Her eyes keep darting to Steven, again and again, as if to make sure he's still there, while Pearl hurriedly explains everything that happened.

"Connie was the safest one of all, honestly. None of White Diamond's powers could harm her in the slightest. She was restrained, but never harmed! I checked her thoroughly - not a scratch, maybe a couple of small bruises. She nearly fell once, but we caught her!"

Priyanka frowns. "And what did you say happened when White Diamond pulled his gem, Connie?" Her daughter is looking out at the ocean, up at the sky, away from all the people. She’s locked up in her head again. Priyanka softens her voice. "Kahani. Baby. Over here."

"Sorry, ma'am," she says, eyes snapping back. "What did you ask?"

She kneels. "You said he was sick when she pulled out his gem? He was dying."

She looked down at the sand, nodding slightly. "We think so."

“Oh, Connie. That must have been awful.” She hugs her tight and rocks her softly. “We’re taking you home right now. You can have whatever you want for dinner. We can go out for ice cream. Anything you want. Dad and I are going to take good care of you.”

Connie nods and says nothing, her hand trembling in Priyanka’s.

“You could spend the night here,” Steven says quickly. “Everyone could! We have room.”

Priyanka smiles. “I think Connie needs to go home, Steven.”

Her baby girl screams that night. They had taken Connie out to her favorite burger joint. They had bought her a gallon of ice cream. They had let her stay up past her bedtime to watch some shows that probably weren’t age appropriate, but they knew she had wanted to see. They pampered Connie as best they could, but still they were woken but the sound of her screaming his name. Pleading. Crying. Sobbing.

“It’s okay, Connie!” Priyanka says, holding Connie's shoulders. “You’re home! You’re safe.”

Connie shakes her head, barely awake, still half in the throes of a nightmare. “He’s dying! I have to help him! Let me go!”

Her feet kick out against the mattress and she’s so strong now that she shoots out of Priyanka’s grasp, knocking over her father and landing with a thud that shakes through the house. That, at least, seems to wake her up the rest of the way. She helps Doug to his feet, apologizing for her nightmares, her face a terrible mask of shame and guilt.

They console her, even offer for one of them to stay in bed with her so she doesn’t have to be alone, but that only makes the shame on her face more severe.

Back in bed, Doug whispers, “This was a mistake, Priyanka.”

“She was going to go to space no matter what we did,” she says.

“Not that.” He holds her tight. “How did you feel when that kid pulled a gun on me years ago?”

“Miserable.” She rests her head against his chest. “I can’t believe I made you cancel your business trip.”

“Because you didn’t want to be away from me,” he insists. His hand comes under her chin, tilting it up to face him. “Because you needed a reminder I was alive.”

Her heart plummets down into her stomach. “Oh, no.”

“We have to take her back, Pri.”

She knocks softly on their door, and Amethyst’s voice calls, “Just leave the package on the patio, Jaime!”

“It’s the Maheswarans, actually,” she calls back. She looks at her husband. At her daughter. Each one carries a bag - a backpack on Connie and a suitcase on Doug.

“Come in,” says Garnet.

So they do, and Priyanka feels just awful. It’s clearly their family time that she’s interrupting. They’ve rearranged the house for it, with pillows and mattresses and the couch all in a big comfy mess. The house smells of sugar, with the fixings for s’mores, breakfast food, popcorn, and candy bars stacked high in a carb filled mess on the table. The TV is playing a classic cartoon - the fairy tale kind where everything is simple and one royal person kisses another royal person at the end. The fire crackles. Steven is curled up with his head on Garnet’s lap and the rest of his body on Greg’s, but he perks up at the sight of Connie.

“You’re okay!” he says, then, laughing awkwardly. “I-I mean, you’re back.”

Priyanka swallows, but her throat is still raspy. "To stay a few days, if that’s alright with all of you.”

Connie is staring at her, baffled. “Are you sick?”

"I’m fine, Connie.” She smooths her hand softly over Connie’s thick hair, then looks back at the rest of them. She looks at Garnet, who feels like the leader, though she’s never been sure if that's true. She tries to plead with her eyes. "I know it's an emotional time, but I think it might be good for her to have the reassurance that he's still okay."

Garnet nods. "It's an emotional time for all of us. We'll be happy to take care of her."

It hurts. Their son has nearly died. He watched them all melt away into nothing but puppets. He was ripped in two while one of his mothers held the last free person, her own daughter, tight in her arms while she screamed. And then they came home, and Priyanka ripped her away, like it had been a field trip she could come home from with nothing changed. She took her home like she could fix it. But she’s her mother, isn’t she? Shouldn’t she have been able to make it better? Isn’t that what a good mother would do? Is she not a good-

“Thank you. I…” She trails off, motioning softly to Steven. "Could I have your arm a moment?"

"It's not going to hurt, right?" he asks, but he’s already coming over, and he laughs a little as he holds it out to her.

“Shots only pinch for a second,” she says, trying to smile back, but Steven looked nervous and she quickly amended, “It’s a joke. There’s no needles.”

“She’s never given me a shot,” Connie says, already looking more lively. The bags under her eyes seem to fade a little as he comes near.

“I didn’t want you to be afraid of me,” Priyanka says, and thinks, And look how that worked out.

She takes Connie's hand, putting her two fingers softly to Steven's pulse point at his wrist. "Can you feel that? That's life. Well, human life, anyway. He's alive. He's okay. You did a good job."

Her fingers start to tremble against his wrist. Her mouth works for a moment, until she finally says, “Thank you, Mom.”

"We can pay for groceries," Doug says to Greg, standing beside him.

"You don't have to do that," he says back.

"You’re taking her for days! It's the least we can do."

Greg laughs. "It's the least I can do! It sounds like Steven could have..." The laughter fades.

Priyanka drops their hands and looks to Steven. She's still not completely sure what it is about him that's made her daughter so wild, so passionate, so willing to dive headfirst into danger, but she knows her own parents had been, somehow, equally as baffled about her marrying Doug. He's a sweet boy, though. Gentle enough to topple an empire. Strong enough to protect everyone. Weak enough for her daughter to carry. Kind enough to always help. A very strange mix of things, but good things nevertheless.

"I still don't understand you," she confesses. "But I know you take good care of each other."

He blushes a little. "Um, thank you." Then, belatedly, he adds, "Ma'am."

"I know you'll take good care of her." Priyanka kisses Connie's cheek. "Keep me updated, okay? Lots of texts."

"Thank you," she says, then flings her arms around her and hugs her tight. "I love you!"

She holds her daughter back, remembering every painful moment Connie came home without a friend. She remembers Connie's whimpering tears because she couldn't read the board in the classroom, the words in her books getting fuzzy. She remembers doctor visits, biting her nails as she fought to keep from demanding more tests, more checks that her daughter was as healthy as could be.

They leave, and they’re halfway down the stairs before Pearl is behind them, “Pardon me.”

She looks back. “Sorry, did we forget something?”

“I wanted to ask about the pulse,” Pearl says, touching her own wrist absently. “I had never seen it. I’ve read medical textbooks, and I understand the basics of it, but I didn’t know about feeling for it for comfort. Do humans do that often? Is it instinctual? Because gems don’t have one and I’d hate for Steven to think we…”

There’s a lot of trailing off today, it seems. A lot of not saying dead or dying. Priyanka’s never understood it herself. But the fear, at least, she understands. She sighs. “It’s not. It’s something I did. Connie was a quiet baby and I worried. I kept her crib next to the bed because she never seemed to cry at night or flail or…anything.”

“They’re normally noisy,” Pearl says, almost a question. Not quite sure.

“Very. So I checked on her using her pulse.”

That’s putting it lightly. She remembers sleepless nights, with her very still newborn, with her fingers pressed softly to Connie's wrist, feeling her heartbeat, listening to her breathe, just to get the reassurance that her quiet baby was still alive. She remembers the hug from just a few moments ago, Connie’s breath in her ear reminding her once again that her daughter was alive and well, even after all this. She wiped her eyes and cleared her throat.

“Just, um…just let everyone touch each other. Skin to skin contact is vital in minimizing psychological damage. That’ll be enough for the humans in the household.” Her voice cracks as she talks, but she can’t stop now. “I’m sorry for before. I was trying to help her but I made everything worse. Thank you for taking her in. Thank you for training her. Thank you for raising her first friend. I’m trying my best to do this right but it’s not working.”

Pearl laughs, a manic sound as she drags a hand down her face. “That’s it. That’s the past fourteen years in a single sentence.” She scoffs. “That’s the past six thousand years in a sentence.”

Priyanka laughs with her. What in the world has her life become? How has her daughter found a mentor where the last six thousand years is an offhand comment, a fraction of a lifespan? How is this ancient woman struggling with raising her son as much as her and Doug struggle to raise their daughter?

“Please, just call us if the nightmares get too bad. We’ll pick her up no matter what, whenever the time,” Doug says.

Somehow, it’s both a relief and a burden as Pearl says, “Steven gets them too. Maybe they can handle them together.”

Chapter Text

Connie very vaguely remembered her first kiss, and what she did remember was about as awkward as it could get. She remembered the rain starting. She remembered racing up to Steven's house. She remembered her foot slipping on a piece of clear ice, falling backwards, and mostly catching herself but her head and her elbows were suddenly throbbing, and her head was spinning and the edges of her vision had gone black. What was left of her vision was fuzzy and foggy.

She thought she might have remembered his rain covered lips against her own, but it was hard to tell. What she mostly remembered was the taste of strawberries, and a tingling sensation from head to toe like she'd been thrown into the sea, surrounded by sea foam and air bubbles.

She was fine (and not pink) about ten minutes later, coming around to Amethyst's baffled voice crying, "Why does she keep talking about strawberry soda?"

"Connie! Are you okay?" he asked frantically, taking her hand. "I'm so sorry! I kissed you without permission, but you looked hurt all over and there was so much blood I-"

"It's okay." She groaned, sitting up as the ache continued to fade away. She ran her fingers over the back of her head and felt no pain, but her hand came away bloody. "Ouch. You can definitely kiss me to save my life. It's like magic CPR."

"I, uh, also spit in your mouth."

She imagined it, and was torn between being grossed out and finding it hilarious, so she laughed while her face wrinkled up in disgust. "Whatever works, I guess."

When she kissed him on the cheek for the first time, she thought it would be the biggest thing that happened to her that day. And it was, a little. People trying to destroy the Earth happened pretty regularly, but how often did she manage to kiss her crush for the first time? Healing kisses nonwithstanding, of course. But she had always known that if their relationship was going to progress, she would have to be the one to start things. So she summoned up all her courage, leaned forward, and pecked his cheek before running out the door.

What she hadn’t expected was for Steven to appreciate her first step and respond in kind. She would walk in the door and only have the briefest warning of, “Connie!” before she felt the gentle tap of his lips against her cheek. Because, of course, it was suddenly the most normal thing in the world to do as often as he wanted. At least he never noticed the stupid smile she could feel herself making - or he never teased her for it, at least. But, still, it seemed excessive.

Bring him a juicebox from the fridge? Cheek kiss.

Leaving at the end of the night? Cheek kiss.

Soundly beating his butt in a fighting game? Cheek kiss.

She probably shouldn’t have been surprised that the affectionate Steven would be so eager to return any gesture she gave him tenfold, but she was. It was a bit of a shock to realize that he really did care about her so much that he was as eager to kiss her as she was to kiss him. It was stable and comfortable and happy.

And then she was getting all the fixings for jam bud time, and he must have been grateful for it, and she turned her head, entirely by mistake, and caught his lips against hers. Warm and soft, just for an instant, before they both leapt back in surprise.

“I’m sorry!” he gasped, sagging against his dinner table. “I stole your first and second kiss! I’m the world’s biggest jerk! I’m worse than Kevin!”

Her fingers rested against her lips as she whispered, “I don’t really remember the first time.”

His eyes widened. “So I stole your first kiss twice? That’s even worse!”

She felt kind of bubbly. Giddy. The words were out before she could even think of what she was saying, “Next one’s free.”

He blushed.

She blushed. “I, uh-"

“You mean it?” he asked.

She hesitated, then took a step closer. “If you want to.”

“Sure.” His voice cracked. “If you want to.”

She rested her hands against his broad chest and leaned forward, looking at him all the while. She was too afraid to close her eyes, worried that she would somehow manage to miss if she did. Their lips met, better this time. Longer. And as she let her eyes finally close, she had the strangest tingling sensation, radiating out from her mouth, and the faintest taste of strawberries.

She blinked as she pulled back. “Did you eat jam earlier?”

He was gawking. “Uh…”

She couldn’t stop her smirk. “I didn’t think I was that good, but thank you.”

“No. I mean, yes, but…You’re sparkling,” he giggled. “All over.”

She looked down at her arms, and found little pink sparkles dancing off her skin. She’d seen them plenty of times before - a kiss from Steven on a flower, on a cut, on a broken arm, all had those same distinctive twinkles as blood and bruises vanished away. It was so Steven. So obviously Steven. Her heart skipped a beat and she squeaked, “Is this going to happen every time we kiss?”

He laughed. “I hope so!”

“Steven! Everyone is going to know whenever we make out!” she said.

“Nah, it’s already fading.” He held up her arms reassuringly, where the sparkles were becoming less and less frequent. “See? Just a few sparkly seconds. We can keep kissing a secret.”

“Oh!” She smiled. “That’s not bad at all, Biscuit.”

“That reminds me, Strawberry. Why’d you ask about jam?” he said, cocking his head. “It’s a weird thing to say after a second kiss. First kiss? First official kiss?”

“First official kiss,” she confirmed. “I don't want the others to count. But, for this one, your lips kind of tasted like strawberries. It was nice. You should definitely do it all the time.”

He shook his head. “But I didn’t eat anything strawberry flavored today.”

She stared, full of awe. “You just taste like that? All the time?”

He laughed nervously. “I guess. No one’s tested it before.”

Connie brought herself up to her full height, still proudly an inch taller than him. “Well, Steven, you know how much I love the scientific method. We’ll have to begin the experiments posthaste!”

Steven tried to look serious. “We’ll need more data.”

They broke, both giggling, and went in for another kiss - whatever number it was.

She hadn't really thought about Steven's public displays of affection when it came to kissing. She had kissed him, very soundly, in a quiet intimate moment. That was her real first kiss, and it was all the thing a first kiss was supposed to be. Well, perhaps it was a bit sillier than it was supposed to be, but that made sense. She had found a lot of things were much sillier than in her books when it came to Steven.

But Connie's fantasy books tended to stop after that first kiss, and she hadn't put much thought into the idea that couples kissed all the time. Kisses were very big important things that happened at weddings and when you confessed your feelings and when you thought someone was going to die. Her parents didn’t kiss very often, and the gems weren’t running around kissing anyone, so it seemed to her like kissing would be a rare, exciting event.

She was talking to Peridot and Lapis, trying to explain why she could never see the appeal of Camp Pining Hearts and that teen dramas had never really been her thing, when Steven arrived.

"Hi, Steven," she chirped, waving at him.

"Hey, Connie," he said back, and put his hands on her cheeks, and kissed her.

Everything was strawberry soda, tingles across her skin and the sweet taste of fresh strawberries off the vine in her mouth, and they were in public! Everyone could see! And there wasn't even a big romantic speech! But the strong taste and tingles had surely meant he put all that magic in on purpose, and he was taking the time to do it instead of getting somewhere private, and was this going to happen all the time? Was Steven just going to kiss her right on the lips whenever he saw her?

“I love making you sparkle. Cute.” He tapped her twinkling nose as he pulled away. Then he just walked away to see other people while she stood there, sparkling like a disco ball from his ridiculous magic. She stared at him, head reeling from the complete shock that apparently you were allowed to kiss people who liked to kiss you whenever you wanted. This changed everything. Could all cheek kisses be replaced with normal ones? Was she allowed to kiss him whenever?

Lapis snickered. "Uh, hello? Connie? Weren't you just saying something like why do all the teens on those shows act like total idiots around their crushes?"

Connie glanced back, flushing a little. "Well, they do. They never just talk to each other."

Peridot raised an eyebrow. "You just stared at Steven for twenty six seconds after he finished kissing you. Not exactly a lot of talking."

"Well, I... You..." She growled. "Can it."

Chapter Text

Once the last spot of dead earth was revived, and the parts of Little Homeworld and Beach City were fixed better than ever, they threw a party. Because that's what you did when you had a little bit of peacetime after the world fell apart. You had a party.

There was music and dancing and food, and Lapis Lazuli found she was really able to enjoy this one. She danced a little. She sang softly along with some of the songs she knew, though it was probably too quiet for anyone to hear. She made fun of Peridot's dancing loud enough for everyone to hear. She even dared to try some BBQ sauce, following Peridot’s and Amethyst’s advice on making taste buds that could appreciate it. She spit it out in a trash can, but it had been an interesting experience.

"I forgot something back at the house," Connie said to Steven with a smile. "I'll be back in a bit."

"Sure! I'll save you a slice of cake," he promised.

And then Connie walked off, and Lapis didn't care. And then Connie turned left instead of right, and that was not the way to Steven's house, and that made her care quite a bit. Lapis knew that she was more suspicious than other people. She knew that the right thing to do was to leave it alone. She did trust Connie, mostly, but that didn’t mean Connie couldn’t be up to something strange. She had been right about Navy. Maybe her instincts were worth following.

So, when no one else followed Connie, she did. She was grateful that she had only given her feet the illusion of sandals, allowing her to walk silently along the dirt of Little Homeworld’s streets. Steven always seemed so much noisier in his flip flops. Connie weaved through the houses, buildings, and over to the empty parts that weren't quite finished yet. Lapis stayed just far enough behind that the human girl never noticed.

Then there was a strangled gasp, and Connie's voice saying, "Please don't. Not now."

Lapis's wings flared out as she rushed around the corner. The water from the ocean was a ways away, but she could pull some if she had to. "Get away from her!" she shouted, ready for another fight, another Jasper, another Diamond.

But it was only Connie, curled up in a ball against the half finished building. Or, she was, until Lapis came around screaming and she scrambled to her feet. Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes bloodshot. "Lapis!"

"Who's hurting you?" she said, looking around. "Did they run? Are they cloaking themselves somehow?"

"There's no one here. Don't worry." A sob escaped her, and she covered her mouth. She used the heel of her hand to wipe at her eyes. "Just go back to the party."

No one was there. And Connie was... Lapis felt dread crawling along her spine as the human curled back up, little whimpers and choking gasps leaking through the hand over her mouth. No. This was not her place. Other people knew how to handle this. Another person, specifically. She looked back. "I'll go get Steven."

"No!" Connie practically screamed it, both her hands reaching for Lapis. "Please, don't. I'm fine!"

"This isn't fine," Lapis said, shaking her head. She took a step back. "Steven could help."

"I don't want his help!" Connie shouted around another sob. "I just want you to go away! Just get out and leave me here alone like you're supposed to!"

Lapis stood, frozen to the spot. This was familiar. Uncomfortable. Is that what she looked like? Sounded like? All the shaking and sobbing and screaming, like she was afraid something was coming to hurt her. Like she was afraid of something going wrong. Someone leaving. Someone shattering. It wasn’t a pretty thing to look at. Lapis wasn’t the best when it came to empathy, but the sight of someone so crumpled, so noisily upset, was enough to spark something.

She managed to take a step forward. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Shut up," Connie hissed, her fingers digging at her scalp, two fistfuls of hair in her paling knuckles. "I said to leave. I can do this on my own! You're only making it worse!"

Another few steps. "Do you do this on your own a lot?"

"No!" Connie sobbed again. "I grew past it! I used to be scared all the time of everything, and these stupid panic attacks happened all the time, but I met Steven and the gems and I'm a swordfighter and it doesn't happen anymore!"

Lapis crouched beside her, not touching. Just close. "It's okay to be scared. Happens to me all the time, and I can steal the whole ocean."

"It's not okay! I don't want to be like this! I don't want to do this! I just want to go enjoy the party! I just want to be there for Steven and all the gems when they need me! But look at me!" She gestured violently to herself. Then she groaned and wiped at her eyes. "Actually, don't. Please don't look at me. I’m disgusting right now."

"I'm pretty sure everyone at that party has fallen apart on Steven, you know. Including me." She smiled a little. "You're one of the special ones who's never tried to kill him. Small club."

"I basically did," she whispered. "I didn't do anything to stop Spinel. To help him. I tried to save everyone, to be fast enough so that I could help him make it to the top of the injector. What if his gem flickered out entirely? What if he got too sick to climb it? He was dying again and I was at space camp."

"He wasn't dying," Lapis consoled. "And saving the people was helping."

"It wasn't good enough."

Lapis finally reached out, the tips of her fingers barely brushing against Connie's hand. "Do you ever think you've done good enough?"

Connie jerked away like her touch had burned, burying her face in her knees with another cry.

“Oh boy,” Lapis said weakly. “You’re sure you don’t just want to talk to Steven?”

“You can’t tell him, Lapis, please!” Both of Connie’s hands were tight around her forearm. “I’ll do whatever you want! Don’t tell him you found me like this. Don’t tell anyone.”

She frowned. “Why? They could help you. They could make it better. You can’t just run away!”

Connie yanked her hands back again, clenching them into fists as she lept to her feet. “I’m not running away! I can fight by Steven’s side, no matter what. This only happens after everything’s over!”

“And I can tell my friends when I’m upset,” Lapis snapped, glaring down at the threatening fists. “Can you? Because, from what I’ve heard, you couldn’t even figure out how to send a text.”

Connie made a little shriek of rage. “That’s not fair, Lapis!”

“It’s not supposed to be, Connie! We’re fighting!” She shouted back. Connie let loose another sob, and Lapis groaned. “No. Stop. Listen, I won’t tell Steven. You don’t need to do anything for me.”

“Thank you,” Connie said stiffly.

“But you have to tell me what this is.”

“Why do you care?” Connie retorted. "This doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Yeah, but I..." She rubbed a temple and shrugged. “Because I know what being scared feels like, and it sucks, and I don't want you to have to feel that way. I just don’t understand what you’re scared of. You can face the Diamonds but not a party? You’re upset about what you did during the fight? You’re afraid of what could have happened? We never talk. I don’t understand who you are.”

Connie leaned against the wall, and Lapis followed. For a second, Lapis feared that Connie would call her bluff, that she’d walk away without telling her anything else. The tears had stopped, and Connie looked flat. Distracted. Like she was done with it all. Lapis understood that too.

“It’s a lot of stuff, but it’s mostly just anxiety,” she said with a huge sigh. “I get scared all the time, and I think of all the things that could have gone wrong and all the things I could have done better, and then I get stuck on something until I can’t think of anything else. So I go be alone for a while and I freak out until I can meditate like Garnet taught me, and then it’s fine.”

“You look fine now.” Lapis gestured. “You know, aside from the swollen eyes and drying tears.”

She scoffed. “There’s no room to be scared when I’m mad. Or when I’m fighting. I can usually find a way to push everything back and freak out later. Unless…”

“Unless everyone throws a party and you can’t get time alone,” Lapis finished. Connie nodded. “How long does it take to calm down?”

“Ten, twenty minutes,” Connie shrugged. “If it’s taking longer than that I force myself to workout until I’m tired or my muscles hurt. Then I don’t have the energy to panic and I feel less like I’ve wasted my time. I can’t stand being unproductive.”

“That doesn’t sound…” Lapis searched for the word. “Good.”

“It’s not healthy. I know.” Connie looked over to Lapis. “But I do really well in school. The gems say I’m one of the best fighters they’ve ever seen. I’m starting to get involved in diplomatic talks between Little Homeworld and Homeworld. It’s useful to be this way. I’d rather be miserable and useful than happy and mediocre."

"This really sounds like Steven stuff," Lapis muttered.

Connie shrugged this time. "Steven can’t fix me if I don’t want to be fixed. Especially if I don’t think I’m good enough to…”

Lapis waited, but Connie couldn’t seem to get the words out. She spoke instead. “Yeah. I get that last part. You don’t want anyone to waste their time on you. You don’t think you’re worth saving. You’ll just slow everyone down. Put them in danger. Better to run away and deal with it on your own.”

“Yeah.”

“You are, though,” Lapis threw in casually. “Worth saving. You’ll figure that our someday. We’ll all be here when you do.”

“We?” She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Sure. Do you even like me?”

“Obviously.” Lapis cocked her head. Had she thrown Connie into the ocean recently? Crushed a precious item? Insulted her appearance or personality? She was pretty sure she hadn't.

“It’s not obvious.”

“Ooookay.” That was how it was, then. Lapis was being too distant to be friendly, that's what Peridot told her the problem was. Lapis came across as too stand-offish. But she could remedy that. She took a few long steps and pushed her hands into Connie’s hair, mussing it up. “I like you, little sassy not-Steven. You’re so bossy it’s cute.”

“Lapis!” Connie yelped, trying to dodge her hands.

She smirked. “I didn’t think you needed a bunch of attention like Steven to know I liked you. I’ll fix that.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Connie groaned, struggling to get her hair back into place. Soon her phone was out of her pocket, using the mirror to get every hair perfect. How very Pearl.

“I want to. We’re friends.” She used a bit of her water, soaking half of Connie’s hair so it’d be impossible to fix, enjoying the shock on the young girl’s face. “I think you might need a reminder that you have some.”

Connie winkled her nose. “Why’d you have to make me look so stupid? Can you get the other side so it’s even, at least?”

“Hmm…Nah.” She took a strand of dark hair, heavy with water, and flicked it over to the other side of Connie's head. “I like you better imperfect.”

Chapter Text

Steven really couldn't stand up to Connie when it came to kissing. She just seemed so much better at it, even though she only had as much practice as he did. Maybe it was how eager she was. Connie threw herself into everything, kissing included, and whenever her mouth would push hard against his and her hands would go to his hips, Steven would remember that he needed to have a bit of self-control when it came to doing the same. So he'd let her dip him back, just like they were dancing. And, really, by the time Connie was sitting on his lap or on her hands and knees on top of him, there wasn't anything else he wanted to do. He happily followed her lead and went along for the ride.

But, when they weren't home alone and couldn't risk making out, Steven took advantage of the time to practice what little he could. Cuddled up on the couch, he traced the lines on the palm of her hand, doing everything from a deep massage to the lightest brush from the tips of his fingers, taking note of how each bit of pressure might make her sigh or shiver. It wasn’t much, but at least it was something. Maybe, eventually, he’d stand a chance at kissing her as soundly as she kissed him.

"I don't know how you have so much fun with that.” Connie giggled and wiggled her fingers as his feather-light touched traced across them.

"I like the noises you make," Steven said, which was at least half-true. "Just tell me if it's too much."

She grinned. "I will. But it won't be."

"Why do you look so smug?" He laughed as he laced his fingers through hers.

"Because I'm not the one who turns to jelly when we start kissing, Strawberry."

He blushed. That just wasn’t fair. "I'm Biscuit."

"Nope. I'm the biscuit now." She grabbed the remote, flicking through the channels as she tried to escape commercials.

Steven wrinkled his nose. "You're making this into a challenge."

"Ooh. Yeah." Connie squeezed his hand with a competitive look. "Sure. Next time we make out, you can try to earn biscuit back."

Steven looked at the gems’ door and the silent warp pad. Yes, they were home, but they were busy, weren’t they? He and Connie had spent long afternoons in the house without a single hair of the Crystal Gems. And as long as they were careful, and they didn’t do anything that looked too suspicious, what were the chances any of them would figure it out? He cleared his throat. "Or we could do it now? I'll stop whenever you ask. And if you do, I get to be biscuit again."

"Oh, Steven," she said gently. "I wouldn't actually take your nickname!"

He kissed her nose with just a bit of magic, watching her eyes cross at the sparkle. "I know. Strawberry is the better nickname anyway."

"It is," Connie agreed. She glanced over at the gems’ rooms as well. "So… how to avoid making this awkward. Well, no shirts off for starters. Probably no Frenching either. It’s a little hard to notice what’s going on if we’ve both got our eyes closed."

"Sounds like good rules to me."

"I don't think that's going to do much, Steven.” She snorted.

Steven shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. "Probably not. But, uh...I kind of want practice at, um..."

Connie choked on a laugh, trying her best not to tease him. "You think I'm so good at making out you want a handicap?"

"You're just so good at it!” He groaned. “I feel like I do okay, but I'm just following what you do. My head gets all fuzzy and I can’t think about kissing you and making sure my powers don’t do anything weird and how to do a really good job of kissing you back. I feel like I don't even know what you like."

"I like you," Connie said, pecking his cheek. "And I love kissing you. I think you do a great job. But we can give this a try. Maybe we'll learn something!”

“Don’t turn this into school.” Steven grinned.

She stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes at him. “Everything is school if you’re paying attention.” Her eyes flicked to the warp pad for a moment, and she added, “Just be careful. I know the gems don't really get this stuff, but I'd still rather not get caught."

"Super sneaky," he confirmed. Steven’s fingers slowly moved past her palm, up her wrist, as he giggled. "So, you know, keep it down, noisy."

"You like that I'm noisy. I can be quiet if I want to." But her face flushed and shifted her grip on the remote, raising the volume a few clicks before setting it down beside her.

In all the time playing with her hand, he’d found that the deep, slow rubbing that made the knots in her muscles unwind didn’t seem to get her very excited for making out. He used the lighter touch instead, letting his fingers follow a barely visible vein up her forearm, then trace the very visible bicep. He smiled the hair on her arms raised from goosebumps, and gently scratched his nails down the same path. Connie was so still beside him he could hear the hiss of his nails moving over her skin. "You're allowed to talk."

"And give the competition an edge?" she hummed. "I believe we're fighting for a nickname. I'm not going to give you hints. This is super serious stuff, Steven."

So that wasn’t affecting her much. What did affect her anyway? Steven racked his brain, trying to remember if there was any kind of pattern to her shivers. He never noticed touch, though. It was so second nature. His brain was hardwired for music and sound. But maybe that could be it? Connie did seem to like it when he was noisy and growly. Steven leaned against her, his nose and lips brushing against her ear. His voice dropped to a low, husky, rumble. "If you insist, ma'am. I'll take it very, very seriously."

He grinned at the hard shiver down her spine and the quiet gulp. That was something. Encouraged, he let his hand fall down to her stomach instead, slipping his hand under the stretchy t-shirt fabric and gently spreading his hand so his fingers splayed across her belly. Connie hissed softly, shifting on the couch at the sudden spike in intimacy.

"Okay. So that’s what we’re doing," she said. She turned her head and fell forward, trying to kiss him.

Steven held up his hand with a laugh, so her lips met his knuckles instead. "That's not what we're doing, remember? I get to do stuff to you without you making my brain go fuzzy."

Connie reddened, looking back at the TV. "Right. Got carried away."

"See? We're already learning something." He took one fingernail on a slow path from her right hip to her left. He was surprised that her breaths became calmer, slower and deeper, until a glance down showed her hands in a circle. His heart skipped a beat, and he put his lips back to her ear, purring again, "Lesson one - You take initiative when you get excited."

"It feels really weird to just let you-" Connie gasped, closing her eyes as his other hand scratched hard over her shirt covered back. She leaned back against the couch, pressing hard, and it took him a few moments to realize she was trying to pin his hand. Her voice was much huskier when she finished, "To let you do whatever you want."

"Really? That's kind of my normal." Steven chuckled. "I'm trying to remember all the stuff your normally do to me."

After the first few times they kissed, with her constant apologies for getting overexcited, he assured her that he was fine, and she’d gotten a lot rougher. Pushing. Scratching. Biting. He decided to give the last one a try and take her earlobe softly in his teeth. Carefully, he gave a little tug, his grip so gentle that it slipped away from him.

For the first time, Connie whimpered. She had moaned plenty of times. She had made eager growls as she tackled him onto his bed. She had hissed and gasped from a too tight embrace. She had never whimpered - a needy little whine that she tried to smother, both hands coming up to clap over her mouth the second she made it.

"That was new," he murmured, barely managing not to make an answering whimper of his own. Steven was definitely hardwired for sound.

She only managed to squeak an embarrassed, "Teeth" through her covered mouth. He took that as instruction, nipping softly at her neck, down to her collarbone, with every move pulling more strangled whimpers from her. Her growls were fun, but this was just as perfect. New and interesting and very, very good. He wanted more, wondering if she'd get louder if he bit harder, wondering how hard he would have to bite before she'd bruise. Wondering if she could bruise at all if he dragged his tongue across the bitten spots. Maybe he could leave a mark lower, if he just tugged her shirt down slightly and-

Connie's fingers scratched the couch cushions as she gripped them hard, and he brushed his fingers gently across her knuckles. Right. This was a game. There were rules. If she wasn’t allowed to get too carried away, he shouldn’t either. Even if getting carried away meant she made the most exciting sounds.

"Too much?" he said, resting his forehead against hers.

"Not at all, Strawberry," she said with a breathy giggle. "I'm unflappable."

Steven grinned. That was just a lie. He pulled back, watching her face as he used the hand that was still under her shirt to scratch from solar plexus to navel. Connie’s eyes fluttered shut, her body arching with a quiet cry. Steven watched her pant with an odd, purring satisfaction. He did that to her. He was making her fall apart, the way she did to him so often.

He kissed her cheek. "You’re pretty brave for someone wearing shorts."

"Wearing..." She blinked, looking down at her khaki shorts with a little giggle. "Oh, gees. Figures today wouldn't be a jeans day."

"It's too hot for jeans.”

She laughed. "Did you mean that to be a pun, or is it instinctual for you at this point?"

He brought all his fingers together on top of her knee, then quickly splayed them out in a ticklish scratch. She squealed in surprise, grabbing his hand. "None of that, mister!"

"You're being loud," he teased. He used the same light touch he had on her arms earlier, slowly sliding up her leg. "You should probably-"

"Easy there, Steven!" She gasped, grabbing his hand. "That's far enough!"

Steven looked down. His fingertips had gone up the inside of her thigh, creeping under the hem of her shorts. He yanked his hand back, sitting side by side with her - no touching at all. He had never, never forgotten before. Connie had to be reminded where clothes started. Steven was supposed to know better. He was supposed to be careful. He closed his eyes, guilt flooding in. "Sorry."

"S'okay," she said, rubbing her leg where he had touched her. "You’ve never done that before."

“I wasn’t paying attention. Just…touching.” Steven cleared his throat. “I was watching your face.”

“Romantic,” she mumbled. She poked his side, and he looked at her. “It’s okay. I forget all the time. I asked you not to go any further and you did. That’s what matters, not the mistake.”

“But I made it end on a bad note,” he mumbled.

She thought about that, then grinned, scooting closer again. “Y’know, I didn’t say you could be biscuit yet. You just broke the rules. And I’m pretty sure you’re all out of tricks. But, if you can think of something, I don’t think the game has to be over yet.”

He hesitated. “There’s one thing I can do. You did it once, but I don’t know if it was supposed to be…I don’t know if you’d…”

“Just try it.” She poked his cheek this time. “You already got enough embarrassing noises out of me that I’m going to go home and die anyway.”

Steven turned his head quickly and shut his eyes, feeling the hot flush already taking over his face. He opened his mouth so the finger she poked him with vanished inside it. His head moved back, drawing soft lips and warm tongue all the way to the tip. One eye nervously peaked open. “How’s that?”

Connie was stunned, her mouth hanging open as she stared straight ahead at him. “That…um…you…”

He started to grin again, kissing the tip of her still pointed finger. “Did I break you?”

She giggled nervously. “I don’t remember doing that to you.”

“Are you sure? Because you did it just like this.” He kept his eyes on her this time, watching her mouth go round with shock as he held her hand, lacing their fingers together save her index. He sucked hard, letting his teeth scrape softly along the skin. Connie’s confused little whine encouraged him, and he swirled his tongue slowly around the digit before letting go. “Remember doing that? I could do it again.”

“You don’t have to,” she croaked. “I remembered the whole time.”

“You’re not supposed to lie, Connie,” he scolded, and nipped her fingertip.

She squeaked, tugging her hand back. “Don’t say that in the make out voice!”

“You look pretty red, Strawberry,” Steven teased, poking her cheek this time.

“Can it, Universe. You’re the strawberry!”

He held out his hand and raised an eyebrow. “Then give me your hand back.”

“No.” She pouted, looking back to the TV.

Steven lowered his voice to another husky growl, “You’re being bad, Connie.”

Again she flushed and squeaked, and he couldn’t decide whether he liked that more, or whether it was better that she looked so completely confused about it. “You can be biscuit. Oh, gosh.” She put her hands to her flaming cheeks. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Now you know how I feel all the time.” He giggled, all huskiness gone.

“Seriously?” She gawked. “How do you not, just…tackle me to the ground?”

He blinked. “Is that what you want to do?”

“Yes!” she squeaked. “What does all that make you want to do?”

Steven cocked his head. “Let you tackle me to the ground.”

“Well, that’s just convenient.” She grinned, and glanced back at the pad. “Hey, do you maybe wanna-?”

He grabbed her hand, both of them laughing as they rushed off to be alone at Strawberry Fields.

Chapter Text

The first time Connie decided to use Amethyst as a garbage disposal, it was because she couldn’t bear to waste food.

“Hey, Amethyst?” Connie timidly held out the plastic bag full of some reddish mush inside. “Would you want this? Mom and Dad are trying to teach me to make curry and it’s not going well.”

“Sure.” She grabbed it and tossed it in. Two chomps and it vanished down her throat. She gave Connie a thumbs up. “Spicy plastic. Awesome.”

The next time was a little more exciting. She brought another bag of red paste, this one terrifyingly bright.

“More spicy plastic. It might actually taste good under the heat but no one can tell. It just tastes like straight chili powder.” Connie cringed. “It’s pretty bad. I don’t know if I should have brought it at all.”

“It won’t bother me.” Amethyst cracked the bag, dipping a finger in for a taste. “Oh, wow. That would take out a human. How’d you manage that?”

“I was shaking in some chili powder and a bunch fell in at once. That made me sneeze and…” Connie sighed. “I mean, you like eating weird stuff, right?”

“Yeah. Gimme all your poison.” She grinned slowly. “Speaking of poison, I’ve got something spicy for you. Wait right here!”

Connie watched as Amethyst scampered away to her room, and tried her best not to be curious. She failed about ten seconds in, and looked around the kitchen for a bit, wondering why Amethyst’s spice wasn’t with everything else. She also found herself supremely disappointed with Steven’s spice rack, missing the many, many jars that filled her own cabinets at home. She noted that all of them were powdered - unlike her kitchen, it looked like Steven wasn’t toasting whole spices anytime soon, or throwing them in a mortar and pestle or spice grinder. Maybe that was something she could show him.

“Here!” Amethyst said, suddenly behind her. In her hand was a vial of…something. Bright red. “Only taste a little, though. Don’t eat the whole tube.”

“Why would I eat a whole tube of raw spice?” Connie asked. She popped the top off and delicately dipped her index finger in, getting just enough to taste.

“How is it?” Amethyst asked, bouncing with excitement.

Connie licked her lips, closing her eyes to focus on the flavor. “It’s good. Not like any chili I’ve had. It’s not very smoky, but it’s got enough to really balance the heat. But the heat isn’t…” She could feel the burn on her tongue, her lips, creeping down her throat. She was sure her face flushed, and she giggled as her eyes began to water. “Oh! There’s the heat. That’s really nice.”

Amethyst stopped bouncing. “It’s…nice?”

“Mmmhmm!” She licked her finger and dipped it in, getting a much better taste her second time. It stung at her throat and she coughed a little. “This is so good! Do you mind if I take some?”

“Aren’t you on fire?” Amethyst looked disappointed.

Connie cocked her head. “No. I mean, what is this, fatil? Habanero levels?”

“It’s a magic gem spice that we have, like, a million bottles of that sets people’s mouths on fire,” she said flatly.

“Oh.” Connie dipped her finger in again. “So I can have this one?”

“Just eat the bag,” Connie groaned. “It’s too awful even for you.”

Amethyst tasted it, and wrinkled her nose as she giggled. “What did you put in this? It’s so weird!”

“I like cardamom. It’s a good spice.” She got on her tiptoes as she peaked into their spice rack and frowned. “I’ll bring you guys some cardamom to try next time. It’s my favorite.”

Amethyst grinned. “So, what happened?”

“I thought there’s no such thing as too much cardamom.” She stared into the middle distance, remembering her own taste test. “I was so wrong.”

“Aren’t you good at following instruction?” Amethyst asked as she kept tasting. “Why do you keep messing up?”

Connie sighed. “There’s family recipes but Dad’s trying to teach me how to improvise make new flavors try new ingredients. You know, like with the fire salt you gave me.”

“You’ll get it eventually, Connie. Practice makes perfect, right?” She drank the bag, then chewed the plastic thoughtfully. “What other spices can you put in this?”

Connie smiled. “If you want, I can bring over a spoonful of all kinds of spices you don’t have. I don’t know how many you’ve tried, but-”

Amethyst squealed. “Girl! Yes! Bring everything!”

“So, I thought if a little coconut cream makes it good, then a lot will make it better,” Connie giggled, jiggling the bag of nearly white curry. “And I kept adding and kept tasting, and eventually I realized I was just super hungry and wanted to drink the coconut cream. So this is basically just fire salt and coconut cream, and also I already ate half of it.”

Amethyst snickered. “Connie, we’ve got to feed you more.”

“I know!” She laughed as she twirled the bag. “Do you think I should finish this, or do you want to put on a couple pounds?”

Amethyst laughed a little. “Well, you know I want to get bigger.”

Connie gasped, hands to her mouth. “Oh, Amethyst, that’s not what I meant! I’m so sorry! I’d never-”

“Hey, no sweat.” She took the bag and ruffled Connie’s hair. “I know what you meant.”

“Enjoy the latest failure.” Connie bowed dramatically as she presented the bag, a warm orange color with a pleasant scent leaking out through the plastic. “Curry a la Connie.”

“What’s wrong with this batch?”

Connie shrugged. “I don’t even know. It just doesn’t measure up to my dad’s. He must have secret ingredients or something. He keeps saying it’s love, but I don’t buy it. I’m thinking he’s doing something weird with the ginger.”

Amethyst sniffed, then tasted. Her eyes went wide. “Connie, you made food!”

Connie blinked. “What?”

“This is edible. Humans would enjoy this.” She darted to the stairs. “Steven!”

She flushed. “What are you doing? It’s not good, Amethyst! I was giving it to you because you like to eat garbage!”

She shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Steven’s probably the easiest human to feed. He puts cheese puffs in sushi. Steven! Connie brought dinner!”

“Amethyst!” she hissed, but Steven was already there. He did manage a cheerful hello before he went right into eating straight from the gallon sized plastic bag. Connie sighed. “I put paneer in that, Steven. It’s chunky. You’re not supposed to drink it.”

He swallowed, lowering the bag. “You made this?”

She cleared her throat. “I guess, but it’s very experimental. It’s not my best work or anything.”

“It’s good.”

“How good?”

He thought for a moment. “Like, the restaurant serves food from a bunch of countries, but they’re all near each other and the chef has probably been to a few of them a couple times.”

Connie stared. “I have no idea what that means.”

“I’d buy this. It’s good.” He tilted some more into his mouth, then froze. “Oh my gosh is this your dinner? I’m sorry!”

“No, no!” She laughed. “I brought it over for Amethyst.”

He looked back at Amethyst, then Connie. “Uh, not to be mean, but Amethyst eats actual garbage. You don’t need to cook a whole meal for her.”

Connie giggled as the gem in question winked. “You’re right, Steven. Next time I cook it’ll be for us. I’ll be sure to add more heat to it, too. That one’s really bland.”

Steven looked at the bag. “I think it’s pretty spicy.”

“No, it’s not. It has cream in it.” She beamed. “It can’t be spicy if it’s got dairy, Steven. That’s what the dairy is for.”

Amethyst nudged Steven. “She eats fire salt for fun.”

“What?!” He yelped, looking back at her. “Why would you do that?”

Connie blinked. “It tastes good.”

“Maybe we should cook together next time,” Steven suggested, looking terribly nervous.

Steven looked at her pleadingly. “Connie, the cayenne pepper isn’t in the recipe. It’s not even authentic!”

“It’s fine. I know what I’m doing.” She said, pulling out a heaping teaspoon.

“Connie, I don’t think you-”

“Shh,” she put her fingers against his lips and tapped the spoon against the pot. “It’s okay. We’re putting dairy cream in it. You won’t even notice it’s spicy.”

“That’s not how that works!” Steven wailed, looking into the pot, increasing in Scoville with every passing moment

Amethyst grabbed the rest of the cayenne, scooping out some to eat herself. “Nah, she’s right. I read it in a book.”

“You don’t read books!”

“Huh. Weird.” She grinned. “Guess you’re just gonna be on fire tonight, Ste-man. Aren’t you lucky you’ve got such a good cook around?”

Chapter Text

"You want to write it... Together?" Connie asked, eyes wide under her glasses.

"Of course!" He smiled, strumming his ukulele in a chipper tune. "It'll be our song. We should both write it."

"Aren't you worried I'll mess it up?" she asked, looking down at her violin. "I barely know anything about music theory."

"I don't even know what that is!" Steven laughed. "So, I usually think of a melody, something that matches the mood I want."

"How do you do that?"

"You just feel it." He looked up at her, and found her puzzled. "We can practice. You probably think of little songs all the time like when you're making dinner or doing chores, right?"

She shook her head. "But those aren't real songs."

"They're baby songs," he said. "You just have to work on them to help them grow up big and strong. Listen."

Steven strummed out a few chords, humming along. It was a simple melody, cute and catchy, and she gawked at how it had somehow just come to him, pulled out of the air like magic. Maybe it was magic. She hadn’t known Steven for very long, but practically everything he did seemed to have an air of mystery and excitement about it. Making up a song on the spot seemed like another one of his many powers.

"And then you add some words. Liiiiike..." He looked around. "The sun is bright, our shirts are clean. We..."

Steven looked at Connie and she glanced around. What rhymed with clean? Green, seen, tangerine. She glanced out at the ocean. "Sea doesn't really rhyme," she murmured.

He ran with it. "The sun is bright, our shirts are clean. We're sitting up above the sea. Come on and share this jam with me."

Connie was right that it didn't quite rhyme, but it didn't matter. It sounded like it did, and it was so pretty! And, even more importantly: "It's a pun!" she laughed.

"It's our song. It's got to have puns." He grinned. "You try."

She nodded, and mouthed words slowly, singing under her breath. Connie was so much slower than Steven, but every time she glanced his way, he was eagerly awaiting her response, not a bit of judgment in his eyes. Finally, quietly, she sang back, "Peach or plum or strawberry, any kind is fine, you see. Come on and share this jam with me."

He cheered. "Yes! Connie, you're amazing!" He strummed a few more bars, humming a new little melody. "What do you have for that?"

"Isn't it your turn?" she retorted.

"You'll do this line, and then I'll echo the line back to you. Then we'll do one more verse as a harmony."

Her eyes widened. "Harmonize? I don't know how to do that! I play the violin, Steven! I don't even know chords!"

"Don't worry, it's easy." Steven laughed and plucked the melody on the ukulele again. "Come on. Do this one."

"I'll do my best," Connie said with a sigh. Something clicked, and she counted the syllables off on her fingers. That would work. A few more tries of mouthing along and she said, "I can sing - I'll do my best to give this jam the sweetness it deserves. And then we can stretch out the deserves across the last few notes."

He sang, needing no time at all, "And I'll keep it fresh. I'm jammin' on these tasty preserves."

She giggled. "You're good at this."

"So are you!" Steven beamed. He played the final verse a couple times, his fingers moving across the strings so multiple notes would play at once, tweaking until he was satisfied. "Ingredients in harmony. We..."

Connie leapt in, faster this time, "Mix together perfectly! Come on and share this jam with me!"

"Perfect! Now, you'll take the harmony and-"

Connie insisted, "But I don't know how!"

"It's all just notes, just like the melody. Don't worry." His fingers strummed out notes, not quite the melody from before, but close. "Sing that."

She waited for more instruction, but more never came. "That's it?"

"That's it." He giggled. "The hard part is figuring out what the notes are."

"You figured it out pretty fast. I'm impressed." Connie grinned.

He blushed a little. "It's a talent."

Steven strummed. Connie sang. Soon, her violin was in her hand, playing along with him. An hour of practice later, and they had both thoroughly memorized their song.

BONUS

There are so many moments that could have been the first moment he loved her - really loved her. Big, important, amazing moments where she stood by his side and lifted him up and was the best friend he could ever have. It should have been one of those moments.

But it wasn't.

They were in the back of his dad's van, rummaging through piles of records and CDs and cassettes, and Connie was fiddling with a pair of studio quality headphones.

"Why are they so heavy?" she asked.

"They're super nice," Steven explained. "Dad says he spent a bunch of money on them, so I've got to be careful."

"Like fifty dollars?"

"I think more like three hundred dollars?" Steven said casually.

She slowly set them down. "I'll just leave those there."

He laughed. "No! They're amazing! You have to try them."

"How can headphones be three hundred dollars amazing?" she asked, looking at them with awe. She giggled. "Can you taste the sound or something?"

"It feels like you're really there. You can swim in the music. Everything is all magical, and the whole world goes away." He sighed, about to continue on, then caught himself with a blush. Lars would usually tell him to shut up around this point. But, as he glanced at Connie, she hung on his every word.

"I'm always up for more magic."

"Different kind of magic," he said. "It's easier if I just show you. Is there anything you want to listen to?"

She shrugged, gesturing to the piles. "I'm still figuring out what I like. You pick something good for magic headphones."

He rushed through the CDs, shoving everything aside as he looked. He had just the thing for this. Thumping beat. Strings. Beautiful harmony and vocals that made him float and drift in an ocean of sound and feeling as the whole world was blocked out by soft imitation leather.

"You won't be able to hear anything but the music, so, just enjoy it, okay?" He smiled, as he put the headphones on her.

"What?!" she shouted, and giggled.

His heart skipped a beat as he hit play. Watching. Waiting. She wasn't going to get it. She was going to make fun of him for getting so excited like Lars. She wasn't like the gems or his dad. Music was just music. It wasn't everything. It wasn't life. He cared _too much_ and she was going to think he was weird.

"Woah." Connie's eyes closed with a happy sigh, and she fell back against the carpeted floor of the van. He stared, as awed as she was by the headphones, as she looked completely swept away. Her hands pressed both ears to her head, keeping the adult sized headphones in place on her child sized head, and everything was quiet and still.

And a few minutes later, when she was wiping her hands across her eyes, and her breath was coming a little rougher than normal, and the song finally faded away. He hit stop.

"You okay?" he asked softly as she slipped the headphones off.

"Yeah. Sorry." She sniffed, face reddening. "I just felt..."

He leaned forward, heart in his throat. "What?"

"Like my whole life something was missing, and there was something more when I heard a song that wasn't there and..." She laughed, shaking her head. "I felt like I was whole for the first time."

And that was it.

He was in love.

Chapter Text

Greg died on a beautiful, sunny day from heart disease. Most men die of heart disease. The tragedy of it was somehow deeper, more cutting, than if he had been killed by a renegade gem or a falling car wash sign. Someone spectacular died in an utterly mundane way on a perfectly lovely day, so everyone missed it to stay inside to cry.

And the next day, there was a funeral to plan. These things always move faster than anyone expects. Connie did her best to help, taking care of logistics and planning, as one does when their significant other’s parent dies. It’s much too hard to plan a funeral when suddenly the world is upside down and gray and your family members are the only people who can see it.

“Do you want to speak at the funeral?” Steven asked her once the lawyer left. His voice was hoarse, because he was crying at every opportunity.

“Do you want me to speak?” she asked.

“I’d like that. I’d like a lot of people to talk.” He took a shuddering breath. “I don’t think I can talk for very long.”

They only spent one day in full mourning of the shock of it. They only dealt with the lawyer briefly and spent the rest of the day in bed, listening to music all wrapped up in each other, telling stories about Greg. Crying. It seemed like every time they managed to stop there’d be another thing to set it off again.

The next day was easier, not so much because it was any less sad, but because Steven spent most of it rotating through Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst for comfort, and they all helped Connie with the planning. It also helped that they had all cried themselves out for a while, and everything had settled into that grim, gray depression that nestles into the brain when a loved one dies.

But the funeral planning was easy, at least. Greg’s will was fairly clear on the subject of his remains. They let the local synagogue did what needed to be done, and then they broke tradition as requested in a spot not too far from Beach City, where Rose had taken him many times. Everyone gathered around to speak in the bright sun, with maybe thirty people and gems clustered up in black. A few family members Steven had never seen before came. He was unsurprised to find his father had ignored them for a reason, and wasn’t keen on meeting them again, but they were respectful enough.

As expected, Steven didn’t talk much. “I couldn’t have asked for a better dad,” he said. “All he ever wanted was for me to be happy and safe. He spent all his money on me. He raised me by himself. He…” Steven’s voice cracked. “He gave me to the gems because he knew I needed to be with them, even though it meant spending less time with me.”

He sobbed then, a broken sound as he wrapped his arms around his stomach. The words came out, barely intelligible, but he finished his piece somehow: “I’m sorry, Dad. I wish I made more time. I love you. I miss you.”

Amethyst guided him back to his seat beside Connie, and her brown fingers laced between his white as they listened to everyone else. Uncle Andy, Lapis and Peridot each made short, awkward speeches, but sweet nevertheless. Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst spoke for much longer. Amethyst’s was sweet and funny, talking about their love of Little Butler. Garnet’s was romantic and poetic, talking about how Greg loved everyone deeply. Pearl’s was heartwrenching, about forgiveness and jealousy and wasted time.

“You okay?” Connie asked after each one. He always said yes, though near the end Connie was insisting he drink water. He laughed as he did, a weak little sound as her thinking about his hydration at a time like this, but wasn’t that was she was there for? Practical Connie. Reasonable Connie. Plan the funeral and have a water bottle and please, please don’t-

“You should speak,” he said. “Please?”

“Of course,” Connie agreed, her stomach aching as she stood up in front of the group. Public speaking, she knew, was the most common fear. The anxiety was normal. There was no need to freak out. Peridot’s speech had included shoving Greg off the roof to test his durability, so surely she could do better than that.

She cleared her throat. “Mr. Universe asked me to call him Dad when Steven and I got married, but I never did. It was a lot. Too big. But that was a me problem, because Mr. Universe was always really welcoming. Not just for me, but everyone. He was just nice. He was rich overnight and all he wanted to do was make Steven happy, like Steven said. Um, he gave Steven the car he loved with all his heart because Steven was learning to drive. He offered to buy me a car a couple times, actually. He was generous. Um…nice.”

Connie cringed, looking down at her feet. Steven’s father was dead. Greg Universe was dead, and there she was, calling him nice. For once, Steven didn’t have words. For once he was relying on everyone else to do the talking for him, so everything had to be better. Everything had to go right. This was not a Connie’s way day. It was a Steven’s way day.

She ripped her heart open instead. “Okay, forget that. This isn’t what I remember. I mean, it is, and he was generous with his money, but that’s not who he was. When I was a kid and I hadn’t heard any music, he took out all he records. He let me borrow every CD he owned! He just handed over guitars and whatever instruments he had lying around and let me plug them into amps and go nuts. I’m not Steven! I wasn’t good! And he was just so excited anyway because he loved seeing people love music.

“He played all kinds of music all the time and he told such good stories, amazing stories while he strummed his guitars. I don’t know how he thought of them so quickly, and he worked all his music into them, and it was magic every time! He’d sing about his life with Rose and it was the most romantic thing I ever heard in my life, and I’d go home and I’d sing his songs.”

She wiped at her eyes, chest tightening, throat squeezing so her voice came out as a horrible squeak,. “And Steven and I sing What Can I Do for You all the time, because that’s who Mr. Universe was. There’s so much of him that’s going to live on in his music, and live on in how his music inspires Steven’s music, and just how much he inspired Steven every day by being the best dad he could be. Steven never could have gotten through any of this without his dad, and he loves him - he loved him. No, he still loves him, it's just..."

Connie finishes, understanding suddenly why Steven couldn't speak. “I love you. I miss you. Thanks for the music, Dad.”

She was a mess, running nose and watery eyes as she tried to make it back to her seat, blinded by tears. But Steven met her halfway there, his arms tight around her, and there they were crying again. It never seemed to end. She should probably find a water bottle, but it was all she could to to stand up and hold Steven and sob, because the whole world was over and no one but their family seemed to care.

There were more arms around them, more crying sounds as the gems folded them up in a tight group hug. They were going to go home after this and talk about Greg more. They were going to eat a bunch of food that Beach City residents brought. They were going to beg Barb and Sadie and Lars and Nanafue to stay just a while longer, to tell just a story or two more. And they would, because Greg touched a lot of lives. Greg made a lot of people smile. He probably would have wanted more music and dancing at his funeral, but there’s only so much you can do when a loved one dies. It moves faster than you think.

It was a beautiful day, which was a shame.

Greg Universe deserved a downpour.

Chapter Text

The world was big and noisy, but the beach house was quiet and warm. Connie sat at the kitchen table, picking at a simple dinner of a bagged salad with a few hardboiled eggs tossed in while Steven did the same. His hand was warm in hers, though, gently running his thumb over the back of her hand as they ate mostly in silence. They didn’t need to talk all the time, and they had both had busy weeks.

"Now that finals are over, you want to celebrate?" Steven asked. "We could go to a party. I think Sour Cream is throwing a rave."

"Ugh. No." Connie groaned, pushing her salad away and leaning back. "Do you know how stressed I was? I was so stressed, that when I finished half my finals, the relief was so intense I threw up on the way back to the dorm."

Steven winced. "Okay. No raves. So what do you wanna do? Stay in and read?"

She slowly grinned, then giggled, ducking her head. "Oh, geez. You're going to love this. I'm going to say something so Steven right now."

"Should I say something Connie to balance it out?" he teased.

"Yes."

He had his answer ready instantly: "Calculus."

Her head dropped down onto the table with an impressive thunk and her shoulders shook with laughter. She looked up as suddenly as she dropped her head, still giggling. "You dork! Okay! I want to turn on the fireplace, curl up in your lap, and spend all night learning to play romantic songs on the guitar with you."

"Connie!" he squealed, eyes shining.

"Steven!” she squealed back, only a little mocking.

"Wait right here! I'm getting every pillow I can find. Blankets.” Steven leapt to his feet, looking around the room, and pointed dramatically to the kitchen. “I'll make hot chocolate! I'll grab a couple guitars and-"

"One guitar." She corrected, cheek resting against her hand as she smiled adoringly up at him. "You can wrap your arms around me and show me the fingerings."

He sighed longingly. "Marry me?"

"I already said yes. Hold your horses." She wiggled the blue steel engagement band on her finger. "Go get the cuddle nest ready. I'll make the hot chocolate."

He gasped. "Secret family recipe with coconut cream?"

"You mean the secret where I use the first Yoctosearch result and substitute coconut cream milk instead of dairy?” She smirked. “Yes. That secret family recipe."

"Please marry me?" he begged.

She ruffled his hair. "Go make the cuddle nest!"

He busied himself running up and down the stairs, piling pillows and blankets onto the couch, starting a fire, and setting out a couple small glasses of water. She grinned to herself as she grabbed the sauce pan. It was nice knowing each other so well that he remembered the way she made hot chocolate was so thick and rich that water helped it go down easier.

Cooking took a little longer, so he came to stand beside her and watch as she slowly stirred the melting chocolate chips. “I love you,” he murmured, breathing in the wonderful smell of coconut and cinnamon and chocolate. “I’m glad you’re done with school for a while.”

“Me too.” She kissed his temple, and poured the decadent mess into two cups. “Do you know what you’re going to teach me to play?”

Steven looked at her flatly. “Do you remember any chords?”

She hummed, avoiding his eyes. “A major chord has a root, major third and perfect fifth.”

“Name one.”

“D.”

“What notes?”

“D.”

“And?”

“F…” She examined his face. “Sharp?”

“You still don’t know chords.”

“The piano is supposed to keep up with me, Steven!” she protested.

“You are the problem violinist that every pianist fears,” he said with a grin. “You are going to learn chords tonight, Connie Maheswaran.”

“Enjoy saying Maheswaran while you can, Universe. You’ve only got a year left,” she retorted.

He was beaming again, and eagerly dragged her over to the couch. They flirted and talked as they sipped, listening to the fire crackle as they argued the finer points of music learning. Connie had picked up on chords over the years, though she didn’t have them as memorized as she should have. These weren’t her first guitar lessons with Steven, though they had always been few and far between.

Steven had some easy songs ready for her, ones that he had played for her before or knew she had listened to plenty in her spare time. So Connie settled back against him, the taste of hot chocolate still on her tongue as his arms wrapped around her. He said softly, "Okay, this one's easy. Really slow. Lots of time to shift grip."

She smiled as his big hands moved her small ones. She was still taller by a couple inches, but he was so much bigger in every other way. She looked up at him with a giggle. "Okay, but no funny business. I have a boyfriend, you know."

"He doesn't seem like the jealous type," Steven teased, placing her fingers. "Go ahead and strum."

"You won't do that part for me?" she said, looking back down at where her arm hung limply over the instrument.

"I think you've got to do some part of playing the guitar if you're going to learn to play the guitar, but you're the college student." He laughed. “Maybe that’s how I should do it. There’s an old book around here showing you how to read tabs. Want to make a color coded binder?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Don’t make fun of the binders. They work.”

“We’re going to play Steam Powered Giraffe’s Honeybee. It’s easy. We do C, C7, F minor, and then finish the verse with a single F major 7.”

Connie frowned. “Why are there numbers? I’m done with math.”

He snorted. “Okay, there’s no math. The seven is just adding another note so there’s four notes.”

“Ah, of course. Four notes means you should add a seven.” She nodded. “Tryad chords make complete sense, Mr. Universe. It really is a shame that violins only play two notes at a time and never three, because I’m really missing out.”

He laughed and nuzzled against her hair. “So, do you actually want to learn the guitar or did you just want to flirt all night?”

“I think I can manage both.” She smiled. “But, okay. I’ll be serious. Why is it called an F major 7?”

The night rolled on, soft and sweet with long explanations of music and longer stretches of Connie’s fingers fumbling over strings. A few stretches of Steven’s deft fingers somehow playing perfectly, even with her throwing of his grip from sitting in her lap. A few wonderfully silly moments where she strummed and his fingers danced across the neck of the guitar and it was almost like playing as Stevonnie.

She played the song herself, quietly singing along, and as the last chord slowly vibrated itself to silence, she whispered, “Marry me.”

His pink steel engagement band clicked softly against hers as he weaved their fingers together. “Hold your horses, Maheswaran. We’ll get there.”

Chapter Text

Pearl had always struggled to find humans quite as charming as Rose had - primarily due to how delicate they were. They had to breathe. They had to sleep. They never seemed to stop eating. They couldn’t stand for things to be too hot or too cold. It seemed like the list was endless, and Rose always found it charming. Cute.

Now, at least, she could understand some aspects of it being cute. She liked watching Steven and Connie practice. Well, play-fight might have been more accurate. Like predator pups wrestling and flipping over one another. Technically practice, but done in a silly way rather than the structured training that would more quickly improve their skills. Connie was hardworking and focused during their sessions, rarely cracking a smile unless Pearl did so first.

However, playing with Steven was quite different. It was all laughter. All playful. Both of them held back, of course. Pearl would have stepped in otherwise. Connie was good with her sword, enough so that she could have harmed Steven’s body (Steven, not his body, she reminded herself, he doesn’t poof, he is his body). Pearl was quite impressed with how quickly Connie had picked up on it, but Rose had always said humans were quick learners. Smart humans especially so. Months into training and Connie had disarmed her once or twice. Sure, she had kept her grip relaxed to allow her to do it, but the beginning of the skill was there.

But Steven held back too, and she wasn’t sure how well Connie understood that. Steven was not talented with a sword. His aim wasn’t great. He wasn’t very fast either. All of these things combined to make Steven an easy target for Connie, with his high defense meaning his wins came primarily through attrition, with Connie so tired she simply made too many mistakes or gave up when her muscles had begun to tire. Pearl always had to smother a grin at Connie’s puzzled face as the girl struggled time and time again to figure out how to break through his bubble.

It was less amusing when she noticed Connie carelessly getting within Steven’s un-shapeshifted reach. Connie did not get the chance to witness gem strength. She did not often get to see Steven’s strength at all. Pearl was quite sure that Connie was not aware the difference raw strength could mean in a fight. She was sure that Connie, with her peaceful society and lack of spear hunting (really, what had happened to that?), was unaware of what being overpowered felt like.

So, as their play slowly turned more into wrestling than combat, she stood back and let it happen. She hadn’t expected it, and she certainly hadn’t engineered it, but she assumed it would happen sooner or later. Humans loved climbing all over each other, it seemed. She had hoped it would be a quick, easy lesson with minimal humiliation on Connie’s part.

Instead, wrapped up in Steven’s arms, Connie let out a loud, sudden squeal. “Wait, that’s not fair!” Pearl raised her eyebrow, trying to figure out what was going on with the giggles and squirming, before she finally remembered. Humans, especially children, bonded over tickling. This was yet another form of primitive instinctual combat training and humans climbing all over each other. Well, that would do the trick just as well.

Again, it started cute enough, with Connie wiggling just a bit. However, it soon rose to a panic. Her pupil was starting to discover that escape wasn’t possible and that was surprisingly nerve-wracking. Pearl didn’t like the distress in her voice at all. But Connie suddenly rocked backwards, toppling them both over, and Steven released her for a moment. Pearl nodded to herself, impressed with the quick thinking. Connie really was shaping up into an incredible knight.

The girl scrambled away, trying to get far, but Steven laughed. He stretched his arm just a little, grabbing onto her ankle. “Get back here!”

Connie was dragged, her body yanked back along smooth stone. She snorted, snagging onto a nearby column and holding it tight. “Never!”

And then, effortlessly, Steven tugged again. Connie’s eyes went wide, shocked, as all the newfound strength in her arms and back were nothing compared to a gentle pull from Steven’s right arm.

Pearl kept an eye on their playing, making sure it didn’t get out of hand, but every passing moment was more and more unsettling. Connie was sturdy and proud, and she’d broken fingers in combat with barely more than a sniffle. In fact, Pearl was unsure if she’d ever seen Connie cry at all. So even though the pleads for mercy were all playful and in good fun, it still set Pearl on edge.

But Steven was gentle and sweet, as Pearl knew he would be. It ended not too long after Steven realized just how trapped Connie was - around the third time he pulled her back, and her muscles strained under her skin with all her might, and her voice was filled with genuine panic - just for an instant. Pearl had felt sick hearing it. Connie hadn’t liked it at all. Connie had been frightened. Connie had just realized she had no way of breaking Steven’s hold.

“Did you learn anything from that, Connie?” she asked as they headed towards the warp pad, trying her best to settle her distress. “Steven, you may answer as well.”

“Yeah. Connie’s really ticklish. I don’t think any gems will figure it out, though.” He giggled. “You’re safe for now.”

Connie didn’t react to the jab, thinking hard. “It’s over if a gem grabs me.”

“Very good.” Pearl nodded, relief flooding her. Connie was brilliant. She was analytical and quick and learned from her failures straight away, thank the stars. “You do not have the strength to escape a hold from a gem. Therefore, it is crucial that you do not let yourself be caught.”

She expected protest, worry, anger, but Connie just nodded. “I’m lucky that Steven’s small so I could escape the first time. If he was as tall as you or Garnet I wouldn’t have any leverage.”

She clenched her fist, confident and secure in everything she was. “I have to be fast. I can’t be grabbed! I won’t forget.”

Pearl felt just a little warm. Just a little nice. Maybe Steven’s little friend would be okay after all.

And then they went to Homeworld.

It wasn’t fair, not at all. She was finally really starting to understand humans, or at least this one! She no longer thought of Connie as “Steven’s little friend”. Connie was her pupil, her student, the sweet bright girl who made jokes and was always on time and never, ever thought of Pearl as a thing or a slave. Connie looked at her with respect and… and maybe adoration? It seemed too much to hope for when the girl already had a mother, but Steven loved all three of them so perhaps Connie could too.

But after White Diamond, Pearl didn’t know if that could be true. She couldn’t remember, but she could imagine Connie’s subdued struggles in her arms, caught from a momentary distraction from Steven’s cry. Thank goodness White had no skill for combat. Thank goodness White could not use all of Pearl’s skill, to drive the point through Connie’s chest. White could have made her squeeze, could have crushed the life out of the child in an instant. She had heard breaking bones. She had heard wet gasps of blood filling lungs. She had heard the terrible thud of the limp meat of a human corpse on the battlefield.

Pearl did not plan to ever hear those things again.

When they arrived back on Earth, Connie was the one who insisted on picking up their training again. She hadn’t expected it, but there she was, dressed in her usual blue training outfit with her brand new sword in hand. She wasn’t smiling, but she didn’t look scared. Upon seeing Pearl, she seemed only to register the surprise on her face, and asked nervously, “Sorry, are you not ready yet? I should have asked before I came over.”

“No!” Pearl blurted. “No, Connie. It’s fine. I just thought you might need a few more weeks. Homeworld was quite a workout. You did a lot of climbing.”

The smile was back then. “Yes, ma’am, but muscles heal fast! Even faster with Steven around.”

“And you want to train now?” Pearl asked, hating that little bit of insecurity in her voice as she asked, “With me?”

There was nothing in Connie’s face that showed she noticed that insecurity, but why would there be? Connie stepped forward and wrapped her arms tight around Pearl’s waist in a surprising show of affection. Connie usually saved hugs for big moments - she wasn’t like Steven. Pearl swallowed as she realized Connie must have felt this was a big moment. This was important to do. Surely she must remember Pearl’s iron bar arms around her a few weeks ago? She must remember being disarmed by Pearl’s puppeted body.

“I could grab you, you know,” Pearl whispered.

She smiled up at her, bright and sweet as Steven. “You won’t. I know you won’t.”

Pearl’s heart warmed. What a precious thing Steven had found, had brought into the home. “Oh yeah?” she teased, and hugged the girl. Very gently. Very safely. Never to be crushed or cracked.

Connie’s voice was just a little choked as she hid her face against Pearl’s side. “I’m sorry I let myself get grabbed, Pearl. You told me not to.”

Pearl can feel the tears rolling down her own cheeks. She thought her love for Steven was special, was for his gem, but it wasn’t true. As she knelt to Connie’s level, to hug her tighter than before, she knew she loved her just as much as she loved Steven. She knew that she would do anything to keep her safe, would happily crack her gem in two if only Connie could live out her life on Earth. This girl who pushed so hard, who gave her all, who Pearl could see herself in at every turn.

Oh, Rose, she thought. Is this what you saw in humans? Was it really that simple?

“You did so well, Connie,” she whispered. “You were so strong.”

She expected to feel tears on her clothes, but they never come. Connie never cried, after all. The little girl, just thirteen, simply hugged Pearl tight and whispered back, “I won’t get caught again.”

Chapter Text

Stevonnie came into being with a very, very loud thump on the ground. There were big advantages to being nearly seven feet tall. There were also big drawbacks - such as shaking the whole house when coming into existence makes you fall off a bed.

"Son of a bitch!" Stevonnie hissed. "Don't swear, Stevonnie. Even though this is a swear worthy moment! We need clothes!"

They grabbed Connie's shirt, which was too small. Duh. And they grabbed Steven's shirt which was also too small. They stared down at the clothes in their hands and whispered, "No, no, no! I know we're really not supposed to say this one, but, fuck!"

They squealed at the pounding on the door, Pearl's nervous voice. "Steven? You okay?"

Stevonnie lowered their voice, "Yeah, we're great, Pearl."

"That doesn't sound like you. Are you sick?"

"I'm fine!" They closed their eyes and whispered, "How do we unfuse? We've got to stop freaking out. We're freaking out on the same wavelength. Connie, you freak out about Pearl catching us making out. Steven, you freak out about the anything else."

"Steven, I'm coming in," Pearl said firmly. "You don't sound like yourself."

"Please don't!" They yelped, barely managing to grab a blanket to cover their underwear clad self before the door opened.

Pearl looked incredibly unamused. "I may have jumped the gun the first time you two fused, but this one is definitely inappropriate."

Stevonnie grinned nervously. "Would you believe Connie rescued Steven from a Homeworld loyalist?"

Pearl pointed to the floor and drawled, "And made them perform a strip show?"

Stevonnie groaned and sunk into the bed. "I knew we needed clothes. Could you leave? I’m pretty close to naked and sometimes, when we stress split, the clothes don’t go back on the right person."

“We’re talking once you two are presentable,” Pearl said firmly, and closed the door behind her.

“Okay, Stevonnie. Get presentable.” They took a deep breath, trying to center themselves, but they had been caught. On the other side of fusing was a difficult talk with Pearl. It was probably a call to Connie’s parents. Stevonnie whined, then shushed themselves. “It’s fine. They can’t take Connie away. There’s literally no way to keep her from sneaking out, especially with Lion involved. It’s fine. We can still be together. It’s not over.”

They relaxed, tension easing from their shoulders, and fell apart. Steven and Connie laid in bed together, side by side as they both struggled to calm their worried breaths. Connie took his hand, murmuring, “How are we going to do this?”

He rolled on his side to face her. “I don’t want you to stop coming over. Even without all the other stuff, sleeping as Stevonnie feels right.”

Connie agreed, “I don’t want to stop coming over either. I’m seventeen. I’m old enough to make my own choices. I want to be with you and, you know…” She started to smirk. “We fuse into a seven foot god tier fighter. I don’t think they can stop us anymore.”

Steven laughed, resting his forehead against hers. “No. They can’t. We’re unstoppable jam buds.”

"I'm sorry, but Connie's parents have asked that you no longer sleep in the same room after the incident," Pearl said firmly to the currently fused teens. "You can't do it anymore. You'll have to unfuse at night and send Connie home alone."

"Okay, so, here's the thing," Stevonnie said slowly, wincing with their face and body as if getting into a cold pool. "We don't... care?"

Pearl's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"Oh no," Stevonnie said weakly. "Well, Pearl, we... we want to be together. We like sleeping like this. Steven's nineteen, Connie's seventeen, and they both feel that they're old enough to make their own decisions. And you can't really stop us."

"Yes, I can," Pearl said firmly. "I forbid it."

"Yeah, noooo..." Stevonnie poked their fingers together worriedly. "That's not going to work this time. Unless you're going to fight us apart, it's not happening. And, let's be honest Pearl, probably not even then."

Pearl spun around. "Garnet! Are you hearing this?"

"You don't want my answer," she said, arms folded as she leaned against the wall.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Pearl yelped. "You don't actually encourage this, do you? Connie is a minor! Her parents said no!"

Garnet was quiet for a moment, then began, "Ruby and Sapphire weren't supposed to-"

"Oh, for stars’ sake!" Pearl threw up her hands. "This isn't happening. You're unfusing. Connie's going home."

Stevonnie glanced at the clock and shrugged. Eight pm. "Alright. But it's not going to work."

The two teens broke apart, both looking very awkward without the extra confidence of Stevonnie. Connie gave Steven a peck on the cheek and whispered something in his ear that made him smile before heading out the door.

Pearl crossed her arms. "You two are very obstinate when fused."

Steven sighed, but held back whatever he was going to say.

At twelve a.m., Connie strolled out of her bedroom, down the stairs and out to the front lawn where lion awaited. They walked down the road a bit, so Lion would be far away from the house when he roared, and opened a portal in front of the donut shop. He walked her to the Beach House, where Connie opened the front door Steven left unlocked per her request, went upstairs, and fused with a quick kiss.

Stevonnie slept peacefully, and made themself a big bowl of oatmeal in the morning. They munched on it as the gems left their rooms for the day, one by one, and avoided eye contact with Pearl.

"Came over early this morning, did she?" she said dryly.

Stevonnie giggled awkwardly. "Technically, yes."

"I'll be guarding the front door tonight," Pearl said firmly.

"Okay, but that's not going to work either."

Pearl scoffed. "I don't sleep, Stevonnie. It's going to work. And I'm calling Connie's parents to tell them she's sneaking out."

Connie's front door was full of wind-chimes, but her window was open, a rope was tied to her bedpost, and Lion was in her front yard. She made it to Beach City. She did not go in the front door.

Stevonnie had cereal for breakfast.

Pearl stared. "How in the world did you manage this?"

Stevonnie smirked. "We usually just hold hands and want it real bad."

Amethyst snorted. "Okay, now this is getting good. How'd you sneak past Pearl?"

"She fell asleep on guard duty." Stevonnie giggled.

"I did not! Steven, did you leave the house?"

Stevonnie grinned. "Sorry. Steven's not here right now. Can I take a message?"

The gems had a stakeout on the beach, all huddled and waiting for the next break in.

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever made us do, Pearl,” Amethyst muttered.

"Quiet! She’s here!" Pearl hissed.

"Get it, Connie. Attagirl."

Connie went to the beam far to the back of the house, slinging a rope around it. She used the rope as a strap to shimmy up the pole to the back of the porch, far below Steven's window. From there, two flashes of light from her phone prompted him to open it, and she tossed up the rope. He caught it, and effortlessly tugged her into his room.

Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose. "How is this possibly worth that much effort?"

"I'd do it," Garnet said. "Get it, Connie."

Pearl stood below the window, watching as Connie slipped out in a dead arm hang before glancing down. Her head thunked softly against the house, eyes closing right after she caught sight of the pale gem below.

"Morning, Connie," Pearl said coolly. "Your grip strength is improving."

"Thank you, ma'am," she groaned. She dropped, landing carefully on the tilted surface.

"You look embarrassed when you're not part of Stevonnie," Pearl continued. "I trust this won't happen again?"

Connie winced. "Pearl, you know I try really, really hard not to lie, and you’re making it really, really tempting."

Steven leaned out the window with a grin. “Morning, Pearl! See? I didn’t leave the house. It’s all Connie’s fault.”

She made a face at him, laughing. “Thanks for throwing me under the bus. Come down here and let’s try to talk it out as ‘Vonnie.”

A few moments later, Steven was down beside her, and the two had fused with a peck on the cheek. Cheery and bouncy, they swept past their stunned guardian and headed back inside to the kitchen. They ignored Pearl’s raging as they tried to make themself an omelet, and pouted as it turned into cheesy scrambled eggs.

"What could possibly be worth it?" Pearl cried, exasperated. "Is it that much fun to frustrate the Maheswarans and me?"

Stevonnie snorted, setting their breakfast down at the table. "Hey, Garnet, what's the answer?"

"Love."

They grinned, doing a twirl. "Hey, Pearl, guess what I’m made of?"

Pearl fought a smile, struggling to look firm. "Alright. I agree that was a bit of a silly question. But it still seems an awful lot of work to go for-"

They flopped next to Amethyst on the couch with a grin. "Hey, Amehyst, what'd Pearl follow Rose Quartz into destroying an empire for?"

"I think love? Gotta double check.” The purple gem smirked and shouted, Yo, P!"

Pearl's cheeks turned blue. "That's not really the same thing."

"Yeah. Because we're not toppling an empire. We're cuddling." Stevonnie laughed and walked back over to their breakfast, poking Pearl's cheek as they walked by her. "Come on! Aren't you a little proud at how you've inspired a new generation of rebels? Sneaking out of the house at night for love? It’s basically your backstory."

Pearl couldn't fight the smile any more. She laughed and shook her head. "I can certainly tell Connie's parents I've done my best. They’re not having any luck either, are they?"

Stevonnie smirked. "Well, they're planning on putting an alarm on Connie's window."

"Oh?" Pearl asked. "And do you have a way around that?"

"Sure," Stevonnie teased. "Now that you're on board, Steven can leave the house."

She blinked. "What?"

"Thanks, Pearl! We really would've been stuck without you."

They smirked, and Pearl was quite surprised to find herself outwitted.

Chapter Text

“Garnet,” Connie said. “I don’t know who else to talk to. I think there’s something wrong with me.”

“And you think I’m the best one to help,” she said. “So it’s either a love problem, or you want to learn boxing.”

Connie’s eyes widened. “You’d teach me to box?”

She smiled. “Yes, but that’s not what you’re here for.”

“No. I wish,” she groaned. “I’m just here because I’m an awful person and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I doubt that,” she said, and patted the couch beside her. “Let’s talk. Tell me what’s upsetting you.”

Connie sunk down beside her, looking down at her hands. “I think I’m in love with more than one person. At the same time. And one’s a boy. And one’s a girl. I haven’t had my first kiss and I’m already a cheater.”

The part of her that was a little more Sapphire thought, We should tell her she doesn’t understand what cheating is. The part of her that was more Ruby thought, She doesn’t even know what love is! And Garnet, as their perfect synthesis, declared, “You don’t know what anything is.”

Connie looked relieved. “Really?”

Garnet nodded. “Tell me what I said to Jaime about love at first sight.”

“It doesn’t exist,” Connie said slowly. “Love takes time and work.”

“You haven’t put the time and work into both relationships.”

She shook her head. “No. Maybe just one of them.”

“What you’re feeling is attraction,” Garnet explained. “You think the girl is pretty. If you don’t put the work in, that’s all it is.”

“How do you know I put the work into the boy relationship and not the girl one?” Connie retorted.

“I know who the boy is.”

Connie flushed. “Please tell me you don’t know who the girl is too.”

It was easy to find out. In a future where Garnet asked a few different questions, the conversation took a different path, with Connie making a few slips, there were plenty where the name was spoken and the conversation ground to a halt, embarrassment and frustration too much for the young girl to take. She patted Connie’s head. “The girl is very pretty, but you don’t know her very well.”

“I know she’s mean and rude,” Connie muttered. “I don’t think she even thinks of me as a person. But she’s smart and funny and really cool, and I just can’t help…”

“You can’t stop being attracted to someone. That isn’t cheating.”

“Some people make it sound like cheating is just when you love more than one person.” She picked at the hem of her shirt and mumbled, “You know, romantically.”

“Rose Quartz loved many people,” Garnet said. “Sometimes at the same time. But everyone agreed to the arrangement. That is not cheating. Cheating is when you break the rules.”

“That makes more sense.” Connie thought about that. “Because the boy and I haven’t made rules, I can’t be a cheater.”

“And if anyone tries to give you rules that say you can’t find other people pretty or handsome, those aren’t nice people. Rules are things you control - kissing people, or going on dates, or…” What else did humans do? The part of her that was Sapphire said, Get married. The part of her that was Ruby said, Fu- Garnet quickly found a middle ground and said, “Putting in the time to fall in love. But a nice person won’t make you feel bad for finding other people nice to look at, and you are not a bad person for looking at them, as long as you follow the rules in your relationship.”

Connie sighed, the tension easing out of her shoulders. “Good! I don’t ever want to be her girlfriend. I was so confused because she’s so pretty, but I don’t want to go on dates or anything.”

“But you want to date the boy.”

She squeaked, “Garnet!”

“I hope you’re feeling better,” she said with a grin.

“I think I am.” Connie cleared her throat. “But, as long as we’re talking, sometimes I feel like you, um, might be rooting for me to end up with a specific person. You wouldn’t have any advice on that, would you?”

Inside of Garnet, two tiny lesbian rocks screamed with joy and clung to each other, bounced up and down and scanned wildly through futures for the best option, the one that let Steven’s funky flow do it’s magic and maximized her favorite fusion - other than herself.

“Love is built on truth, Connie,” she said a bit later. “Be as honest as you can. Put in the time and work.”

She bit her lip, then whispered, “Sometimes, I don’t think he gets attracted to people like I do. We’ve talked about it and he thinks he might, um, be one of those people who has to really like the person first, and doesn't really get attracted to people just because they’re pretty. I think it’s called demisexual. A-and what you were talking about earlier, with Rose, that’s, um, polyamorous, I think? And I think my parents might be biased against that one. But I don’t think that they’re being fai-”

“Connie,” Garnet said. “Take a deep breath.”

She did as Garnet ordered, closing her eyes tight. “I’m afraid he might think I don’t love him as much as he loves me, because I’ll be attracted to other people and he won’t. Sometimes I’m afraid it means I don’t love him as much.”

“Love and attraction aren’t the same. He knows that.” Garnet put a hand on her head. “And now, so do you. You just need to remind yourself when you’re wrong.”

“Do Ruby or Sapphire get attracted to people sometimes?” Connie asked, then hurriedly added, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Yeah,” Garnet smirked a little. “Rubies are dumb, but very cute.”

She blushed. “And do I get to go out on dates soon with that boy?”

Garnet tapped her nose. “You’ll find out in your own time.”

Chapter Text

"Fusing is supposed to be hard," Steven said with a little frown. "So it's got to be easy to just... not fuse, right? If we're paying attention?"

"If you're paying attention," Connie argued. "I'm not magic."

Garnet hummed thoughtfully from her spot higher up on the beach. This was about fusion, so Garnet was there. She wasn’t especially helpful for not fusing, but there was always the possibility the resident fusion expert would think of something. "You still have to be in sync. You have to want to be together to fuse, even if it's for a bad reason. Connie, if you can focus on not wanting to fuse, you won't. It doesn't have to be all up to Steven."

He grinned. "See? Our fault. Together."

She wrinkled her nose. "How am I supposed to not want to be Stevonnie?"

"If I knew, we wouldn't be practicing." Steven laughed, ducking down to hit play on his phone. "Garnet's never tried and Pearl and Amethyst have never fused with anyone accidentally. This is a Steven and Connie problem."

"Not wanting something is impossible," she said, awkwardly taking his hand. "This won't work."

"It's not impossible."

"Don't think about pink zebras," she said with a smirk. "And what are you thinking about?"

"Pink zebras," he mumbled. "That's different."

"I'm not saying it's the exact same, or that it's impossible to not fuse. But I don't think we can just make ourselves not want to be Stevonnie." Connie listened to the gentle electronic beat, swaying slightly with Steven. Their feet shuffled in the sand, slowly loosening up. "There's got to be a way around it."

"Like?" Steven asked, giving her left hand the softest of tugs. She obligingly twirled into him, because it was just too easy to dance along and follow his lead and it was so warm in their-

Stevonnie looked down at themself with a groan. "Come on! We didn't even make it ten seconds! We usually last longer than that!"

Garnet grinned. "You could just stick together."

Stevonnie crossed their arms at Garnet. "We want to control when we fuse. It got us in trouble on Homeworld. If we bring that trouble, we want it to be our choice, not because we make a mistake.” They closed their eyes and sighed. “Alright. Take a moment."

Steven and Connie stumbled apart, and came back up to each other. He laughed. "Okay. So maybe less twirling to start."

She grinned. "And I probably shouldn't dip you either."

"A way around it." He hummed, holding her hands as they went back to very slow, very careful swaying. "Maybe there's a way to stop my gem. Like you could flick it or something when it starts lighting up?"

She laughed, looking down at his shirt covered diamond. "Bad gem! Behave!"

"It likes you too much," he teased. "Maybe you should insult it."

"Hmm...” She looked up at the sky as she thought, then glared down at it. “Pink isn't a real color. It's just the cones and rods in my eyes having a meltdown. You are a nonsense gem."

He blinked. "What does that mean?"

"Well, pink isn't actually on the light spectrum," she explained, grinning at him. "It's an illusion. It's what happens when your brain sees red and violet light, but not green. It knows that it's not a middle wavelength, but it's seeing long and short, so... Pink. Your brain makes up a new color to explain it."

"Huh." And, distracted, he followed the beat and twirled under her arm, because she was just so clever and interesting and it was so warm in their-

Stevonnie groaned, hands covering their face. "Seriously? I don't like existing by mistake! We're supposed to be fun!"

They stumbled apart again, both looking a little peeved. "Fine." Connie fumed quietly, "We can't distract ourselves by talking about silly things, and obviously your gem is you, and I'm not going to say anything that makes you hate me. So we're going to fuse by accident forever."

"We can figure this out," Steven insisted. "There's got to be a way. We don't want to fuse, so we shouldn't be fusing."

"But I do want to fuse!" Connie argued. "It's fun! It feels great! We're big and strong and pretty and handsome and confident and just... Everything! I want it so much more than I don't want it! I can't just turn it off!"

"I know." He groaned. "Me neither."

Garnet called, "Try wanting something else."

Connie raised an eyebrow. "Like marshmallows?"

Steven grinned. "Video games."

"Swimming!"

"Donuts!"

They were giggling and laughing and shouting out more things they loved when Garnet patiently interrupted, "Things you can't have or do as Stevonnie."

That ended the laughter. Connie frowned. "But Stevonnie's good at everything."

"They can’t be good at everything. There’s got to be stuff Steven and Connie can do that Stevonnie can’t," Steven mused. "Like… Stevonnie can't be in two places at once."

"But I want to be here right now," she countered. "And so do you."

"I like braiding your hair," he said thoughtfully. "That's pretty different from braiding our own hair as Stevonnie. I could think about that."

She squeezed his hands, still uncertain. "I like playing our instruments together. Stevonnie can't play both at the same time. But playing stuff as Stevonnie is fun too. And playing with each other’s hair is fun, but I love playing with Stevonnie’s hair just as much. That's no good for me."

He looked at his phone, the beat still thumping slowly behind them. "No harmonies when we sing together. Stevonnie only has one voice."

Connie brightened at that. "That's a good one. Stevonnie can't duet. Hard to banter as Stevonnie too. We don't talk to ourselves that much. Besides, I love getting you to laugh at my jokes."

He thought about sitting on the couch with her on the floor, twisting her hair into row after row of tiny braids while she took her turn on his console. Steven twirled her, and nothing happened at all. They were Steven and Connie, without a single bit of shimmering light. They gasped, stopping their dance to appreciate the moment.

Steven tugged her closer, picking up the dance again. "I love arguing about who's going to get together at the end of a book or a movie."

"I love sharing funny videos and pictures on our phones after a couple days apart!" she chimed in eagerly, spinning him around. Nothing, not a single shine.

"Watching you pout every time I'm right about who gets together at the end of a book or movie," he teased.

She teased back, "Watching you get peeved whenever I demolish you in strategy games."

The song shifted into a slower one, and by reflex Steven dropped his hands to her waist and stepped closer. "Making up after a fight, because sometimes we're really different, but we're still best friends, and we're gonna make it work."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and got rid of any space between them. "Competing with you in training, because it's really fun to push each other to be better."

They swayed, dancing slowly in the sand. They were so close all of a sudden, and neither was quite sure when it had happened. These things just seemed to happen all of a sudden, more and more as they reached their later teen years. With every slow twirl and step, their bodies brushed with the comfortable ease that came from years of childhood wrestling and cuddles.

Everything was so warm as they stared into each other's eyes and thought of something else that Stevonnie couldn't really do. Something even Ruby and Sapphire seemed to enjoy quite a lot, on the few occasions Garnet decided that there were things worth not being Garnet over. It seemed like it'd be really, really fun to try. Heart pounding, head rushing fun. And they were already so close.

Two equally flushed teens, perfectly in sync, asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"Hair braiding," Steven squeaked.

"Strategy games," Connie squeaked back.

Garnet called, sounding horribly cheeky, "Whatever it is, it's working."

Chapter Text

Connie was a good violinist. Not by talent, unfortunately. She hadn’t taken as well as some of her teacher’s other students. But her teacher claimed she could tell Connie put in the work, which made her better than the vast majority of her pupils. As it turned out, for the most part, talent could only get you so far. Most of what made you good at something was hard work. That was plenty for Connie. Who cared about natural born ability? She had skill that she earned. She was good.

“F sharp,” Steven said idly. He was playing a video game, some kind of platformer, with the audio muted so he wouldn’t disrupt her.

She paused. “Sorry?”

“It should be F sharp, not F. The last bar you played.” All his focus seemed to be on the game, correcting her without even glancing her way. “Maybe it’s written wrong. It’d sound better as an F sharp.”

Connie felt a blush crawling up over her cheeks.It wasn’t written wrong. She’d played it wrong. It was a harder piece and her fingers kept slipping again and again so her F sharp became and F, or even an F flat if she was especially tired. She knew that it would get easier soon. She’d just gone up a violin size and her fingers were having to stretch again to reach the proper notes. She was tackling harder pieces, ones where her grip shifted up and down the neck as she reached further along the string.

“It’s a hard piece,” she said, trying not to snap. It was easy. She had spent years never snapping at her mother, after all. Steven was a walk in the park compared to that.

He paused the game, looking over and beaming. “You’re playing really well! It sounds pretty.”

“Except for the F?” she said, trying to keep her tone teasing.

“Yeah.” He hopped down from the loft and looked at her sheet music with a little frown. “I see why it’s so hard. It’s always worse when I’m trying to use paper.”

“You can’t read music?” she asked, surprised.

“I can, it’s just easier to listen.” He laughed. “Why do they make you do it like this?”

“Like what?” she touched the sheets. “You mean, why don’t they have us play by ear? It’s just faster. You have to figure out the notes, keep it memorized. Who wants to listen to every song twenty times a day just to learn it?”

“Oh.” He said. And that was it.

But there was too much in that oh. She knew she would regret asking. She could feel a little kernel brewing in her chest already. But there was no way to resist temptation. She had to know. “How do you do it? Not that long, right?”

“I just listen to it once or twice,” he said, then, quickly, “But, you know, I grew up with it. Dad and the gems sang all the time. I started playing instruments really young.”

“Hey, Steven?” she asked. “Could you turn around? I want to try something.”

“Sure!” He did, no hesitation.

Connie pulled out a small whistle tuner, something she’d used to train her ear over an electric one. She blew into it. “What note?”

“D, I think?” he said, like a question. Like he didn’t instantly know.

It was there again. It was bubbling up. She was jea-She shut it down. She wasn’t going to feel that way about him. More notes. More correct guesses. She grabbed her violin and played two strings at once. Right again. She grabbed her tuner, blowing while playing another two notes. He was right again and again and again and again and he was never, ever wrong. She wanted to tell him he was wrong just so maybe he could feel, just for a second, what it might be like to not be so special.

“Wow!” she said cheerfully. “Perfect pitch! That’s amazing, Steven.”

“My dad told me a little about that, but I didn’t really get what it means.”

“It means that you know what note something is just by hearing it. Most people can’t do it.” She paused, then added something else she knew she’d regret, “It’s possible people can learn.”

He brightened. “Maybe I could teach you. We could practice!”

Of course. Of course he would offer to help. He was just so perfect, so handsome, such a little angel. With his super strength and perfect pitch and his loving moms and their praise and his friends.

The bow creaked in her hands, and she quickly relaxed her grip. Ever since her training with Pearl, things were much more fragile when she was angry. Steven never had trouble controlling his strength. Yet another thing-

“Connie?” he whispered. “Are you okay? You’re staring at the wall.”

She smiled. “Sorry. Just thinking. I’m a little frustrated with the piece. I think I should probably end practice early.”

“Are you allowed?”

“Sometimes,” she lied. She should be practicing something similar if the piece was too hard, end her practice session with a victory.

But she just couldn’t. It hurt. No, Steven wasn’t perfect. He had struggled to control his bubble and healing powers. He upset his friends and her plenty of times. He trusted too easily. It was just that Steven was good. Steven was kind. Steven was great at many things, so great that Connie could feel her own lack of talent creeping up behind her. She worked hard, so hard, but the books on her shelves were full of heroes who were born great, and sidekicks who plodded along beside them.

Steven took her hand. “Hey. I really love listening to you play. And sing. I’m glad I got to hear so much of it today.”

Her jealousy vanished like water droplets on a hot pan. He was good and kind and her friend. She squeezed his hand back. “I like it whenever I get to hear you play, too. You know how to play so many things.” She bit her lip, then confessed through a tightening throat, “I barely even play the violin.”

“I think you play great. Do you want to play more stuff?” he asked.

She nodded, still worrying her lower lip.

“Come on.” He smiled, dragging her up to the loft. “I’ve got extra ukuleles.”

Chapter Text

There were vacations you took as a normal married couple. A weekend in a nearby big city, enjoying the sights and fancy dinners and maybe even a show. A cozy night in a bed and breakfast, enjoying some beautiful countryside. A beach trip, where you could admire your chosen loved one in the sun and surf.

On their fifth anniversary, Steven and Connie took one such vacation, to a moon they had lovingly named Death Disaster 7: Rise of the Megafauna. Supposedly, there was a gem relic hidden away there that could create an illusion that would make a gem appear to be a different color. This was not especially important to the Crystal Gems, but Amethyst thought it would take her charades game up a level, so they decided it would be a fun adventure to go on.

It was a good choice.

"There's something outside," Connie said, fumbling in their tent in the early dawn light. "Where's my sword?"

Steven yawned. "You should look for underwear first."

"Steven, I'm less naked with a sword than with clothes," she retorted. "Where's the sword? Are you on it?"

"I'm on it," he grunted, pulling it out from behind his back. "You're not seriously going to fight whatever is out there without any clothes?"

But she had snatched the blade and was already out of the tent. Steven grumbled, because he wasn't about to fight naked and give himself Frybo flashbacks, and tugged on a pair of boxers. Then after a moment of consideration, grabbed Connie's bra and put that on too, just in case they happened to fuse.

He strolled out, shield at the ready, and watched his naked warrior wife duel a twelve foot, six legged purple bear-like creature. She was silent and beautiful, twirling and stabbing, and she clearly didn’t need his help, so he just watched her adoringly as she cut down the bear with precision and ease and gave him very intense feelings of all kinds.

Soon, the bear was thoroughly beaten and had rushed off into the woods, because his wife was as merciful as she was beautiful, and Steven sighed longingly. “I love you.”

“Aw, love you too!” She beamed back at him as she wiped her blade on the grass. Her smile faltered. “Oh no. The elastic.”

He blinked. “Huh?”

"Steven, if you want a bra we can buy you a bra," she said, gesturing to his chest. “But you’re twice as broad as me. You’re destroying the elastic around the band. The band is where most of the support comes from, you know.”

"It was for Stevonnie. So their boobs didn't go flopping everywhere," Steven explained. "Same with the underwear. So their junk doesn't go flopping everywhere."

"We're on an alien planet," she said with a grin, strolling up to him. Still naked. Still gorgeous. A Valkyrie. "The local fauna does not care about what bits are flopping."

"It feels weird!" he argued, wrapping his arms around her. His Valkyrie. He pecked her lips gently and said, "If I had boobs, I'd wear a sports bra all the time."

“You would not. The compression starts to hurt after a while.” She stuck the point of the sword into the dirt and used her now free arms to drape around his shoulders. "So, since you're dressed for the occasion, you wanna fuse? I think I saw a giant snake thing somewhere that we could ride."

"Unless that's innuendo, we are not on the same page." He grinned and winked. "But if it is, I am all down for a snake ride."

She laughed. "No! I meant a real snake!"

"Again, I don't think fusion is going to happen, because I'm really focused on non-fusion activities."

She stuck out her tongue. "Boo."

"Boo?" He backed up a little in surprise and examined her face. "Seriously? Are you not going to take me up on my offer?"

She shrugged. "Dunno. I did pretty well in that fight and I wanted to keep it rolling. I have other interests than snake rides, you know."

"Do you?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is literally the first time you’ve ever said it."

"I'm sure I've turned you down before," she retorted. "What about during college, when I was busy all the time?"

Steven giggled. "I remember you saying, 'Steven, I've got too much work' as you stripped naked and tackled me to your bed."

"Huh. That definitely sounds like something I’d do.” She stared over his shoulder, thinking hard, then mumbled, "I've really never turned you down, have I?"

"I'm pretty good at knowing when to ask.” He smirked. “And, also, you're pretty much always ready to go."

She darted back, whipping out her sword and pointing it at him dramatically. "Not today, Steven! Today I'm horny for adventure!"

"Okay." He shrugged. "Whatever you want. Just give me a few minutes to deal with my situation."

Her eyes flicked down, then back up to his. "I mean, if you've got to take the time to deal with it anyway…"

"There it is."

She grinned, sword back in the dirt and her leaning against it with a giddy swagger. “I mean, it is our anniversary.”

“A toast to the rest of our lives together?” he asked.

She snorted. “We need to get drinks.”

“Yeah we do. Because you’re thirsty.” He winked and pointed double finger guns at her.

“Somehow, even after that, yeah.” She laughed. “I think I’ve got a tall drink of water back in the tent.”

There were vacations you took as a normal married couple, but there were much more exciting options when you married an alien prince.

Chapter Text

Connie does not have PTSD. Her therapist says so. It’s not PTSD to have the occasional nightmare about scary things from her past. It’s not PTSD to struggle with talking about her darkest moments. It is not PTSD just because she has to work through some “what ifs” and bad thoughts. If it was PTSD, that would be fine and she would take her medication, but it isn’t.

“Then I can go?” she asks.

“Well, no. There’s some other things to cover,” says her therapist. Dr. Abernathy. Connie is going to forget that name very quickly when she’s finally allowed to leave. “You have social anxiety.”

That’s why she’s going to forget it. Dr. Abernathy is an awful doctor. She shakes her head. “Not anymore.”

“Overcoming your anxiety doesn’t mean that it’s gone, Connie.”

She doesn’t answer that. There no need. It’s a ridiculous thing for the woman to say. It doesn’t matter that Connie’s heart pounds and her palms get sweaty and she’d rather let Jasper punch her in the face that give an oral presentation or dance in front of a crowd. She does it anyway, doesn’t she? Who cares about how it feels?

Her therapist sighs and continues on. “Alright. It seems to me that you struggle a lot with impostor syndrome and some abandonment issues. What would you say to that?”

She would say that this doctor should stop talking about things that don’t matter.

Steven doesn’t have to text her every time he leaves the planet. He just knows it’s easier for her when he does, and he only knows because of that time Peridot found her and told him about it. It wasn’t even that bad. So what if she was breathing into a plastic bag to modulate her breathing and pacing the house and checking her phone again and again because Steven was gone and her left her because she was a weak, worthless human and she would never be a real Crystal Gem, not ever. It wasn’t a big deal that it freaked her out to realize that sometimes, because who wouldn’t?

And she is an impostor, so that last part is stupid. One day, the Crystal Gems and Steven are going to wake up and realize she isn’t supposed to be there, and she’d be stuck where she started with books and loneliness and Bismuth would probably take her sword. She knows Bismuth is going to figure out she doesn’t deserve that sword. She’s only gotten away with it for so long because Bismuth never sees her fight.

“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” Connie says out loud.

Dr. Abernathy nods encouragingly. “Let’s talk about those feelings. Do you think your panic attacks aren’t important?”

Connie glares at the clock. Time is almost up. “I don’t think I have that many, and I’ve done a lot of research into panic attacks. I don’t think mine are that bad. I can usually coast through them with the right breathing exercises. Garnet taught me, so I think I’ve got it covered.”

“Panic attacks fall on a scale of severity. Just because yours are more manageable doesn’t mean they don’t exist.” Her therapist is very delicate and it makes Connie want to scream. Connie isn’t delicate. She doesn’t need to be held with kid gloves. She watched her best friend get ripped in half and she doesn’t even have PTSD over it, so what does it matter? 

The doctor says, “Connie, Steven leaving without telling you is a trigger. It’s something that sends you spiraling into-”

“Okay, I know what a trigger is, but you said it’s not PTSD.” Connie’s eyes snap to the woman in her business casual outfit. Connie has always been very concerned with outfits, and she detests the lazy wrinkles in Dr. Abernathy’s khakis. If you’re going to wear something nice, you should take the time to press it. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing right, as her mother said. Her mother. That’s why she’s in this mess to begin with. 

“My parents brought me here to see if I needed to get diagnosed with PTSD. I don’t have it and I don’t need medication, so I don’t see why I still need to be here.”

“Well, PTSD isn’t the only option. And, frankly, there are things I wouldn’t diagnose at all that still feel worth talking about. For instance, you talked about being Stevonnie, a nonbinary adult presenting person. You liked being them, and that could be worth talking about. You’re at an age when questioning your identity starts coming up. Would you want to talk about any complicated feelings involved in occasionally assuming a new gender and sex?” 

“No.” Connie stares at the clock. She does not want to talk about Stevonnie at all. Stevonnie is half Steven, and Steven is wonderful and strong and kind and of course it feels wonderful to be them. It’s the closest she can ever be to being as good as Steven. It doesn’t have anything to do with gender or sex and it’s stupid to even think about. She insists, “It’s not PTSD, why can’t I just leave?”

The doctor sighed, barely concealing her frustration. Yet another point against her. Connie is sure she’s a better liar than this therapist. She doesn’t like that she’s such a good liar. She’s very ashamed of it. She promised her mother no more lies but she hides her Internet history and she doesn’t tell Steven everything or the gems everything, and a little voice in the back of her head whispers, Hey, it’s alright, you only promised Mom you wouldn’t lie. You can lie to everyone else as much as you want . And she agrees with that little voice and that’s one of the reasons why she’s worse than Steven and he’s going to figure it out one day.

Dr. Abernathy says, “Okay. You mentioned that after a few weeks of training, you were prepared to give your life for Steven’s. You still rush into danger at his every call. You’ve never turned down the chance to be on the team. Obviously, you have good reason to go, but there could be bad reasons too. Do you want to talk about that at all?” She cocks her head.

“Because he’s important, and what I’m doing is-” Connie shakes her head. Steven is more important, it’s that simple. How can she even explain that to someone who asks that question? “No. If you don’t understand all the things Steven’s going through and why he needs me to be there for him, I don’t want to talk about it with you.”

“We could talk about any lingering self-esteem issues you might have from that training incident,” the therapist sounds a little more pressing, now.

“No.” Her voice is flat. She stares at the clock. She could be at Steven’s house right now. She could be studying. She could be practicing tennis or drawing or reading or anything other than listening to someone talk about things that didn’t matter. 

It doesn’t matter it doesn’t matter it doesn’t matter shut up it doesn’t matter  

“We could talk about when you were nearly drowned.”

“No.”

“You struggle to pick up on social cues more than Steven. Want help with that?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

“How’s your relationship with your parents?”

“Never better.”

“Have a lot of friends?”

“I have enough.”

She meets Connie’s eyes and says slowly, “Connie, why is it you want to be a part of Steven’s universe so badly?”

I want to be a hero I want to be Lisa I want to be Steven I want to be Stevonnie anything but Connie just not Connie I want to be anyone else but the girl with no friends who knows too much about boats and isn’t even afraid of dying just dying alone

Connie’s phone alarm goes off and she smiles. Her heart is pounding out of her chest and everything aches with adrenaline. “Sorry, that’s all for today,” she says, grabbing her purse.

“There’s a few minutes grace period. Connie, what do you want to do with your life?”

Connie’s already standing, and looks down on the therapist with a shockingly adult mix of frustration and determination. It's easy. There is a Connie who is a child and she grabs her and shoves her deep, deep down and she is not her . She is not the girl who is afraid to dance in front of crowds and she is not the girl who talks too much about her favorite books and she is not ever going to be that person again. That Connie can scream and cry and be locked away in a bubble, because this Connie has things to do and a Steven to help.

So. Business. She smooths her skirt and looks down at the doctor she has forgotten the name of. “My parents sent me here to find out if I have PTSD. Do I have PTSD?”

The therapist blinks. “No.”

“Then I don’t know why I’d care,” she says, and strolls out the door.

Chapter Text

“Uh, hello, Dr. Maheswaran,” Steven said, gulping at the intimidating face in his doorway. “Connie isn’t here. I remember that talk and we… Pearl will tell you that Connie has never spent the night in my bedroom.”

Priyanka did her best to relax, groaning as she put a hand to her temple. “As happy as I am to hear you and Connie are still following my rules, they don’t really hold anymore. She’s in college now, Steven. You two are adults. And that’s not what I’m here for, regardless.”

“Oh. Great!” Steven sighed. “Because we never stopped sleeping in the same room and that lie was killing me.”

Dr. Maheswaran cringed a little at the thought. “Fantastic. Steven, I came to ask if Connie comes here for dinner often? Maybe a couple times a week? I know she wanted to be independent but I was hoping her version of independent might include her boyfriend.”

He shook his head, frowning. “No. Why? Is something wrong?”

“I went to her dorm last week and…” She fidgeted a little, and had a look on her face that was so much like Connie it fascinated him. It was just like the time Connie confessed to stealing some of his shirts. “I might have snooped in her fridge. I didn’t want to shame her for any bad eating habits, I just wanted to know she was taking care of herself. Her grocery bills are very low, and Connie eats a lot for a girl her size. She’s very active.”

“Connie’s a great shopper,” he agreed uncertainly. “It’s how she affords all those clothes.”

Priyanka groaned. “I’m beating around the bush. Steven, there’s nothing in Connie’s mini fridge but eggs, and I’m worried about her nutrition. She didn’t get a meal plan and the only thing in her fridge is eggs, so I’m left to assume that my daughter is living exclusively off eggs to spend her college stipend on other things. You know how Connie forgets to eat when she gets focused.”

“Connie wouldn’t eat nothing but eggs.” Steven hesitated. “Can you eat nothing but eggs? Won’t you die?”

“I haven’t seen any specific studies, but from what I remember about nutrition, it’s not healthy by any stretch. Even if you ignore the conflicting data about cholesterol, eggs do not contain all the vitamins a person needs to survive.”

“So you want me to…” He narrowed his eyes as he struggled to put it together. “Make sure Connie eats food that isn’t eggs?”

“If you could convince her to come eat at your house a couple times a week, I’d be forever grateful. I’d reimburse you for food! I’ll pay you for cooking!” Priyanka looked pleadingly at Steven. “I know I was too strict with her food choices growing up, and I know if I try to get her to come over to the house several times a week she’ll think I’m trying to take away her independence. But even you have to agree that you can’t exclusively eat eggs.”

“I’ll talk to her. I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding!” He beamed.

“Hey Connie,” Steven asked, sitting on the lawn of Harvale University with his girlfriend as she organized her notes. They were so pretty. Connie color coordinated them for easy organization. “This is going to be really weird, but… you don’t eat only eggs, right?”

She held her stack of papers, tapping them straight against her binder. “I do eat a lot of eggs.”

“No, not a lot of eggs,” Steven explained, feeling encouraged by the casual way she said it. Surely someone who was eating nothing but eggs would hide the stupid thing they were doing? No one as brilliant as Connie could possibly be casual about the idea of surviving just on eggs. Not even survivalist enthusiast Connie could possibly think that was normal. “I mean nothing but eggs. You eat other stuff too, right?”

She looked up at him, and gave him a look so very much like Priyanka it fascinated him. She looked just like when her mother caught Connie sneaking potato chips. She deadpanned, “You looked in my fridge.”

“Of course not!” Steven said, truly offended. “You didn’t say I could.”

“Mom looked in my fridge.”

Oh no. More lies. He cringed. “No?”

Connie groaned. “Of course she did. The eggs were on sale, Steven. I filled up the minifridge with eggs because they were cheap and they’re great protein and they cook in the microwave. I can’t get all the calories I need from eggs alone, but it makes the ramen healthier.”

He brightened. “Right. It makes the…” He had a sinking feeling in his chest. “It makes the ramen healthier. Which you eat a lot but not… not all the time?”

She cleared her throat, looking back down at her binder. “From a nutritional standpoint, as long as I add lime to prevent scurvy and take a multi-vitamin, I’m technically-”

“Connie!” he cried. “Connie, you can’t live off ramen noodles!”

Her arms were up in that overly excited, exasperated way, like when she and Peridot fought about the worthiness of Camp Pining Hearts and the artistic value of Rainbow Beginning Evangelion. “Loads of college students live off ramen noodles! It’s tradition! And it’s not just ramen! I had hardboiled eggs for breakfast without any ramen at all! They were giving away salads three weeks ago and I had one!”

“Connie,” he said, taking her angry hands. Steven had done his best to leave her alone, he really had. But this was Connie, who would have a juice box half way to her mouth and then set it down because there was something more exciting to do. His Connie, who he had (on occasion) tricked into eating by getting her to taste while he cooked until she finally remembered she was hungry and hadn't eaten all day. His Connie, who had spent an entire month getting a lecture from everyone (even Amethyst) on why meal replacement shakes were a sometimes food, no matter how nutritionally complete they may be.

Sometimes, Dr. Maheswaran was right with her meddling. He kissed her fingers. “You have to come to my house for dinner.”

She looked away with a pout. “I don’t want you to go through the trouble-”

Steven cut her off, insisting, “I want the trouble! I want to feed you! Please stop eating eggs and ramen noodles before you die! Why are you doing this?”

Connie was unimpressed by his fear. “There’s not a lot of options to cook in the dorms. Meal plans are expensive. And, with all the money I save, I can buy a couple fun books every month to take a break from schoolwork.”

Steven pulled her into his lap, hugging her tight and ignoring her little squeak. “Connie, I love you. You’re the smartest girl I know.”

She blushed. “Aw, Steven.”

“But you’re saying so many stupid things right now I want to put you in a bubble forever.” He rocked her softly and her happy nuzzling turned into grumpiness and pouting once again. “Please come get dinner at my house. I’ll make you lunch. You have to be strong and healthy to protect the Earth.”

“I don’t have the money for that and fun books,” she argued.

“Families are small anarco-columns where money doesn’t matter, right?” He beamed as he pulled back to look at her, eager to impress her with the knowledge he gained from skimming textbooks over her shoulder and proofreading essays. “I know you’ll pay me back in other ways. Supply and demand. Mutualism.”

She cradled his face in her hands. “That was nonsense, but I get what you’re trying to say. I can’t believe you’ve been listening to all my talk of economics. And politics. And maybe biology there at the end? How do you manage to focus on all that stuff?”

“I’m never too tired to focus,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers with a grin. “Because, sometimes, I eat my vegetables.”

Connie laughed, and penciled dinner with Steven into her busy schedule.

Chapter Text

Connie was fifteen, and she always wore her jacket. Somehow, it never got hot enough that she felt the need to remove it. She wore it when they had a quick visit, when she stayed for dinner, when Steven took the day off and they hung out from dawn to dusk. The bomber jacket that Connie had stolen from her dad just seemed to be hers.

Thankfully, no one ever really noticed. Just like they didn’t notice that Connie seemed clumsier lately. Not much, but her rolls were a little off in training. She overbalanced herself when she got hit, falling more than she caught herself. Pearl barely ever commented on it, which was a relief, because she wasn’t sure if she could talk about it without dying of humiliation.

Oh. And she banged into things a lot.

Thunk.

“Ouch!” Connie hissed, grabbing her hip as it slammed the dining room table.

“Bam! Again? What did that table do to you?” Amethyst laughed.

“Sorry.” Connie said, gritting her teeth for just a second. She forced her jaw to relax, forced her shoulders to relax. Everything was fine. It was just a joke. “I’ll be more careful.”

She smirked. “Are you sure? Because you’ve been slamming this table like it wrote a diss track.”

Before she could say a thing, Pearl squawked, “Connie, your jacket!”

She looked down, eyes wide at the gravy spot covering the bottom of the coat. She danced back before it dripped off the table and onto her shoes and groaned. Of course it'd have to hit the expensive jacket instead of her bargain bin leggings. Connie grabbed a napkin, rubbing quickly at the spot as she whined, “Please don’t stain! I love this jacket! My dad loves this jacket!”

Pearl held out her hands. “I’ll take care of it. Just take it off and I’ll rinse it in the sink. Quick, before it sets.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She quickly handed it over, only to freeze up as Amethyst gasped.

“Wooooah! Who poofed Connie?” she laughed.

“Amethyst,” Steven hissed, trying to clamp a hand over her mouth. “You can’t say that!”

“Come on!” Amethyst gestured, easily dodging Steven's attempt to grab her. Amethyst's hand moved from head to toe, over new curves that weren't there a few months ago, and Connie suddenly felt very, very naked in her perfectly normal blouse and jeans. “She’s got a whole new body! Did she learn how to shapeshift or something? It’s like she’s turning into Stevonnie!”

Every word just kept building, burning her cheeks with embarrassment and making her uncomfortable in her own skin until it reached a peak and she burst, “Shut up!”

Connie’s eyes widened as the whole table turned to gawk at her. Oh no. She told an adult to shut up. She yelled at an adult to shut up. She had to do something, had to say something, but every part of her had ground to an awful halt as she froze again. And when her body suddenly started working, it was only to send her rushing down to the beach.

Steven stood up as she left. “I’ll go talk to her.”

“No,” Amethyst sighed. She pushed him back down as she got to her feet. “This is on me. I’ll fix it.”

“But she seemed really upset. And, um…” He looked at the jacket. “I think this is human stuff.”

“Yeah, it’s human stuff, but it’s mostly body stuff,” she said, giving his hair a toss. “Who knows that better than me? Besides, I got her mad. I should apologize.”

Steven didn’t move, so Amethyst headed out the door to find Connie. The girl was down by the water, arms limply by her sides as she stared at the waves. There really was quite a curve to her hips and shoulders, wasn’t there? It was so weird how humans did that, so slowly it was hard to notice at all. Amethyst sat beside her, looking up at her. She really was getting tall? Humans always seemed to outgrow the short quartz. She sighed. “You’d think I’d know better than anyone that you shouldn’t make fun of how someone looks, right?”

“I’m sorry I yelled.” Connie mumbled, “You weren’t making fun. You just pointed out the obvious.”

“It was only obvious because you wear that jacket all the time,” Amethyst argued. “If you weren’t wearing it every day, we wouldn’t have noticed you changing at all. That’s how it normally goes when I hang out with humans.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s been happening really fast. Some days it feels like I poofed in the middle of the night and woke up in a new body.”

“Yeah. That’s happened to me. No fun.” Amethyst smiled and nudged Connie. She didn't get a smile back. “There’s not anything weird about pointing out when someone poofed, you know? When they come back, talking about their new look, well… It’s not the same thing for people. Your body choices are a lot more limited.”

“I didn’t choose anything about my body,” Connie moaned. “When you’re human, you’re just born and what you get it what you get. You don’t get to choose what your body is good at or when it changes unless you pay someone a bunch of money to do a bunch of surgeries. It just starts doing stuff.”

"My body works like that sometimes," Amethyst said.

Connie made a face. “Not like this. You have no idea the kind of stuff it starts doing.”

She laughed, remembering glee and horror from humans over the years as they grew. Vidalia in particular had loved to share every grim detail about human body changes, from childhood to making a baby of her own. “I’ve heard some stories. Yours does the bleeding thing now, huh?”

“I wish that was all I had to deal with! It’s all a nightmare!” she groaned, sinking down into the sand. “It sucks so much! There’s so much stuff I’m supposed to do that I just can’t anymore!”

“What do you mean? You're getting taller, bigger, stronger...” Amethyst trailed off, a little bit of jealousy burning at her.

Connie didn't notice, ranting on: “Everything’s changing! I worked so hard! To get into a balanced stance, and it’s not the same anymore because my stupid hips won’t just pick a size. And then I can’t even walk around because my brain hasn’t figured out where they are so my big, dumb hips keep slamming into everything!” She groaned and looked down at her chest. “And boobs just started! What’s that going to do? Why does it hurt? My body is supposed to do all this growing and it still hurts? That’s not fair!”

She was shouting, and her voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. “I think I’m never going to be a good sword fighter ever again. I’m going to be clumsy and weird shaped for the rest of my life, and none of you are going to want to hang out with me anymore.”

“Hey, it’s okay!” Amethyst soothed. “First of all, no way any of us would stop being your friend because you can’t use a sword. We like you, not just the fact that you can swing a hunk of metal around.”

“I guess so,” she agreed.

She patted Connie’s back. “Come on. How long has it been?”

“Three months, maybe?”

“Three months? That’s nothing! I wandered around in my first form for twenty years before I figured out how to make it work. And then I poofed, because, yeah. Of course. And the next form? Maybe a year or two to figure out. And now I can shapeshift into anything and still fight like a pro.”

“So I’m gonna take twenty years to get good?” Connie yelped. “I haven’t even been alive that long!”

Amethyst winced, shaking her head. “No, that’s not what I mean. Gems change slow. Humans change fast. A few more months and everything will slow down. You’ll get used to the new body, like all the other humans get used to their grown up bodies. You’ll keep getting stronger, faster, taller. You’ll lose your shorty squad membership, but tall team is pretty good.”

Finally, a real smile out of the girl. She giggled softly. “That’ll be cool.”

Amethyst gestured to herself, pushing down envy and self-hate like she always had to in talks like these. “I’ll never be big and strong like I’m supposed to be, like I want to be. I get how it feels when you can’t make your body do what you want. It sucks that you don’t get to choose all the details, but, you know, that’s okay. I can still fight. Still hang out. Still be with my family. Just like everyone else.”

“I don’t know if I can still fight.” Connie looked down miserably at herself. “At least one week out of the month I feel like I get way worse at everything.”

“It’ll come back. Keep practicing. You’ll get used to it.”

Connie was still focused on herself, so Amethyst insisted, “Hey, look at me.” She waited for the girl’s water filled eyes met her own. “What I said wasn’t okay. You get even less say over the shape of your body than we do sometimes. I shouldn’t have said anything. I won’t make jokes anymore.”

“Thanks, Amethyst.” She smiled. “I’m sorry I told you to shut up.”

“I deserved it.” She grinned. “You should do it more. I like feisty Connie.”

“Shut up,” she said firmly. And then, face red and voice meek, “Please?”

The laughter was enough to scatter any leftover tension.

Chapter Text

Ruby and Sapphire unfused on occasion, attempting to spend time apart. Connie took it better than most humans, having been a fusion a few times herself. Ruby and Sapphire were two people all their own. They were also part of Garnet. Garnet was something a little more than just the two of them. It all made perfect sense, if you were someone who occasionally was part of someone else.

The thing she was not prepared for, the thing nobody had thought to mention, was that Ruby and Sapphire cuddled and nuzzled and kissed. In front of everyone. All the time! The first time it started, she stared, mouth hanging open in pure shock as she watched a married couple openly flirt. She looked around. Nobody cared. When they did look, there was only a smile or a roll of the eyes.

"Are you okay, Connie?" Sapphire asked sweetly, looking over.

It was another kind of magic. More wonder. Everything at Steven's house was so different and open and loving, and every single thing she learned made her more desperate to be a part of it. "You can just kiss people," she managed after staring for much too long. "In front of other people. It doesn't have to be a big deal."

"No," Sapphire agreed. "It doesn't."

"It doesn't have to be secret," Connie said, still awed.

Ruby grinned, fierce determination in her eyes. "You never have to hide love! Down with oppression! Down with tyranny! Love wins!"

Sapphire giggled, kissing Ruby on the cheek, and Connie felt her eyes shining like Ruby's. She wanted that. Open affection. Hand holding. Kisses. Saying I love you and silly romantic things and wearing a relationship right on her sleeve for anyone to see. She hadn't known it was allowed before. She had seen her parents kiss a dozen times at most, and half of those had been from when she was spying, using mirrors to peer around corners and listening in on adult conversations about taxes and family drama and money.

It seemed to good to be true. "I could kiss someone?" she asked. "If I wanted to. I could kiss them in front of everyone and it'd be okay? And I could tell them I loved them? And that I thought they were beautiful and all kinds of romantic stuff?"

"Yeah, why not?" Amethyst shrugged. "It's not anything bad, like a big fight or something."

Steven beamed. "Love is the best thing in the world! If you want to be happy with someone and cuddle with them or kiss them, you should."

Pearl hummed, tilting her head as she rustled through thousands of years of memories. "I'll admit that more physical forms of human affection can be distressing to watch in public, but that's really once the clothes come off. Kissing is just dandy."

"Well, I want-" It took a second for Pearl's words to process, and she slowly looked over at her teacher. "You... Clothes... What kind of places...?"

Pearl snorted. "Well, Connie, I've been around a while. Humans used to spend quite a bit more time out of doors, rolling around naked, making more humans. There's much more decorum now."

"Huh." Connie frowned, then nodded to herself. Moving on. "I don't want to hide it like my parents. I want to tell someone I love them in front of people."

Amethyst grinned, pushing her playfully. "Oh yeah? Who?"

She felt her cheeks heat as she shoved Amethyst back and lied, "I don't know. Whoever I fall in love with."

Connie and Steven had kissed several times. It was very exhilarating. She was probably the one making it so exhilarating. Steven was soft and sweet, but every time they kissed it made her heart race and she couldn't stop herself from throwing everything into it. She'd be firm and eager, and she'd hear him giggle each time, happy to be so wanted. They were still figuring out what they were comfortable with.

And that was fun! Very fun. But it was secondary on her list of things to be concerned about when it came to romance. She was working out the public affection thing. Hand holding was obviously fine, they had always done that, but more than that required exploration.

She kissed Steven's cheek during a barbecue, surrounded by many friends and specifically not her parents. She knew they wouldn't be fans of this. She looked around quickly, trying to see if anyone was unhappy about it. No one cared. So cheek kisses really were on the table.

Another time, after training practice, it was only her, Pearl and Steven. She kissed him square on the lips in her usual way - firm with a happy purr and her hands curled up in his t-shirt. When she pulled back, Steven was his usual just-kissed self - pliant and giggly and looking up at her with that amazement in his eyes that she loved and hated. He was the best person in the world. He shouldn't be amazed that she was in love with him.

Pearl just kept cleaning up the battleground. Not a single complaint. A smile with rolled eyes that made Steven blush and laugh a little, but nothing more than that. Maybe they could kiss in front of people.

She tried again, kissed him the same way before they parted ways for the evening. Sadie and the Cool Kids were right there, all human, all able to see, and there was no dismay or anger at all. There was a wolf whistle, which made kissing stop immediately and blushing start up instead, but that was alright. There was obviously some drawbacks to public displays of affection. That was a reasonable one.

They took the blush inducing teasing and kept being romantic. Steven used his words more than kissing, telling her she was beautiful and brilliant and the best girl in the world. She was supposed to be good with words, but he was so much better with the romantic stuff that she just went the active route instead. She showered him with physical affection, as much as her careful testing had determined was appropriate in public, and they found themselves the epitome of a clingy teenage couple. It was perfect.

Then it wasn't.

Someone said something and they didn't know what to do about it.

They went back to Steven's house and they sat on his couch, and then he started to cry. Connie wanted to hold him, but holding him was what started the whole mess. Soon she was on the brink of tears as she tried to console him with words, but she didn't know what to say. She had always done something when she felt awful, even if that something was running away. But she couldn't run away and she couldn't find the words.

 She had tested and she was careful and she didn't know that things weren’t the same everywhere. She had gotten too excited again. She had gotten eager and enthusiastic and forgot herself, like she always did, and she got them in trouble again. She always messed up on Homeworld. She always messed up in caring about him.

Garnet came to sit beside them on the couch. Connie felt relief wash over her as Steven leapt into the gem's arms. Someone could comfort him without the awful stain of the evening making every touch a nightmare. A touch of envy burned in her, an ache to be comforted too, but that was fine. She was the one who ruined everything and Steven was the one who needed to be tended to. She could wait, maybe wheedle some physical affection from her mother later.

Then Garnet's hand outstretched to Connie, and the girl let out a sob she hadn't realized she was holding back. She needed to be touched right now. It had hurt so much to give it up, to go back to that awful before-the-gems time where hugs were rare and kisses were nearly mythical. Even if it was only for a few hours, to crave so desperately to be held and deny it to herself had ripped her apart. She sunk to the floor and put her face on Garnet's thigh, hugging her leg tight as the fusion softly stroked her hair.

"Tell me what happened," she said gently.

Steven told her about Homeworld. He told her how Connie had kissed him in a room full of gems, and how silly teenage bliss had suddenly turned awful with chatter in the room. They said... Bad things. Cruel things. The kind of things they had only heard from cold Diamond mouths years before, when things were different. Things were supposed to be better.

But they said Steven was betraying the empire.

They called her human, with a venom and hate that made it feel like a slur instead of something to be proud of.

They said he was wasting his essence on organics, like any kind of healing or helping could ever be wrong.

They said they were two different types of human, and their gem type didn't match, but others insisted there was only one type of human.

So. They extrapolated.

One of them had wondered aloud if Connie was... If Steven was...

Many of them had tried to figure out which one of them was the off-color, not that it mattered. Because they obviously, obviously shouldn't have been touching at all. They were mismatched and wrong and they had never, ever thought about it before. Never had they seen their own laced fingers and thought that there was something to be ashamed of in the contrast of their skin, that anyone could find their affection anything other than annoying at worst.

But some people found it wrong and it hurt more than they could find the words for.

Garnet didn't need the words to understand, though. She cried with them. She held them tight together and the three of them stopped talking for a while to deal with the tears. It was a big talk. There had to be an intermission. Connie savored the affection, the shared misery, and found herself the first one spent. She stayed cuddled there as Steven and Garnet calmed themselves as well.

"I'm sorry, Steven," Connie whispered. "I did it again."

His hand found hers, and everything was melting relief at the knowledge that he still wanted to touch her, that she hadn't ruined everything tonight. "You didn't do anything wrong. We're not..."

Garnet hugged them both. "You're not wrong. Tell me what you are when you fuse. Tell me what Stevonnie is."

"They’re love," Connie whispered.

"And they’re helpful," Steven added.

Back and forth, compliments and adoration for their fused self. At Garnet's prompting, they talked about how wonderful it felt to be fused and how happy they were together. At even more insistence, they talked about the wonderful things they did together. They started to smile as they talked about exciting adventures and sleepy afternoons, about beautiful dances and dashing heroics and the people who were happy to see them.

"Without your relationship, there is no Stevonnie," Garnet told them. "And Stevonnie is a good person that people love to have around. None of that could ever be wrong."

"Like you could never be wrong," Steven agreed, looking up at her. "I love you, Garnet."

"Thank you," Connie said and shifted up to hug her tight around the waist. "I'm sorry you had to go through this alone all those years ago."

She kissed Steven's forehead and then, to Connie's surprise, her lips pressed softly to the girl's forehead as well. She could feel the tremble in it, the barely contained rage and sadness that still blossomed below the surface. "I did. And now I get to make sure no one ever goes through it alone again."

It still hurt.

And it took a few weeks.

But Connie started kissing him in public again.

Chapter Text

At thirteen, Connie was very concerned with how long it was taking to grow.

"I know you're in a hurry to be an adult," Priyanka said gently. "But I promise you, there's a lot of advantages to being where you are right now. Puberty is not going to be the fix you think it is. There's downsides."

Connie scowled. "I'll be taller. I'll be stronger. A lower center of gravity focused in my hips will make my balance better. I'll get on the pill as soon as you let me so I don't have to deal with period stuff! I'll be too busy with gem stuff to have any kind of romantic relationship. I barely even like romantic stuff!"

Doug grinned. "I'm liking this plan." 

"There's a difference between reading it in a book and actually living through it," Priyanka said with a sigh. "I struggled with it. Everything was so distracting. It was hard to think."

"What's everything?" Connie frowned.

Doug's grin grew. "Me."

Priyanka scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Partially."

Connie shook her head. "I'm not you , Mom. I've got a lot of important stuff going on in my life! I'm not going to get distracted over boys or girls or anything at all!" 

At nearly sixteen, Connie was very much no longer excited about growing up. As it turned out, in a twist she was sure no one could have seen coming, her mother was actually right and reading about feelings in a textbook was very different from struggling through them.

Gems, with their constructed bodies, were quite attractive for the most part. It was something that hadn't been especially concerning when there were just three mother figures walking around, but then Lapis and Peridot had started showing up regularly, and those were some complicated feelings. She didn't like those at all.

Because, to Connie's dismay, she discovered she was attracted to girls and nonbinary people too. This mostly seemed like an inconvenience, as she was planning on proposing to Steven when they were old enough after she had done something especially cool - like become a space pirate (until Lars stole the whole space pirate thing, but whatever). Being attracted to boys, at least romantically, seemed like a necessary part of that plan. But Beach City also seemed to regularly fill with hot boys and girls and everything in-between each summer as well, spending their time half-naked in the surf, which was certainly not part of the marrying Steven plan. 

And then her shows were full of hot people. And when she looked up fan art and fanfiction online, well... 

Connie scowled down at her homework, trying very hard not to let her mind drift off to art work of her favorite cartoon characters looking very disheveled in a romantic embrace. She would not be distracted from math. She was absolutely not going to think about that fanfic where the main character was captured, tied up in a dungeon, and her enemy just couldn't resist-

"Did you get stuck?" Pearl asked, peering over her shoulder. Garnet was uninterested.

She blinked. "What?"

"You've been staring at that math problem for a while. I could help, if you need it."

Connie groaned and slammed her head on the table. "I wanna be twelve again."

"The math problems were easier back then," Pearl consoled.

"That's not the problem!" Connie whined. "Everyone is distracting and high school is weird and periods suck and so do period blockers so I can't even figure out which is worse and I can't think straight! And you know what the worst part is?"

Pearl looked uncertainly down at the math homework. "Physics?"

"My mom was right ! I have to go call her and ask her to fix it because she's right ! It's the worst!" Connie shouted, yanking out her phone and storming onto the patio.

Steven and Amethyst raced down the stairs to Pearl and Garnet. "Was Connie shouting?"

"She's just frustrated about growing up," Garnet said. "She's going to call her mom about it."

"Ooh. I wanna hear." Amethyst raced for the door, but Garnet yanked her back on the couch.

"Eavesdropping is rude," Garnet scolded. "And unnecessary."

"What?" Amethyst cocked her head.

And then Connie's voice drifted in, much louder and more frantic than usual. "You were right about the distraction thing! How do I fix it? It's... Mom, the getting distracted about people and… people being pretty thing! It's happening all the time now!"

Steven's eyes widened. "Is she asking to fix it ?"

"Can you do that?" Amethyst asked. "I thought humans had a whole 'you can't choose who you love' thing going on. You know, with parades and everything."

Connie groaned. "Like, a year, I guess? And it keeps getting worse! How long is it supposed to last?" There was a pause, and then Connie's voice rose to a panicked cry, "What do you mean forever ?!"

Pearl did her best to cover her smile and a small giggle, while Amethyst burst into laughter, rolling off the couch. Garnet hummed. "This is not the best way this conversation could have gone."

"So, you're telling me that I'm going to think everyone is hot until I die and then I'm just supposed to deal with it?" Another pause, and another shout, "I was being sarcastic ! Don't say yes! I have tennis lessons and violin lessons and sword training and homework and school and I'm helping with gem stuff and I don't have time to deal with being... Being... You know! Distracted!"

Steven laughed awkwardly, face flushing as he backed up the stairs. "If her mom's going to give her the same solution Dad gave me, I think I'm going to need headphones."

Connie's voice cracked into a shriek, "I'm supposed to what ?"

"Yup. Getting those headphones." Steven vanished up the stairs.

"Aren't you a doctor? Can't you just give me a pill or something? I don't think I'm going to have a lot of time left if I've got to do that all the time!"  Outside, Connie lowered her voice. She gave a long sigh, and a defeated, "Fine. I'm sorry I yelled. It's just frustrating. I hated all the romance stuff in my books. I just wanted the hero to show up and get everything done and..."

Connie leaned against the wall. "I thought I was better than this, Mom. It's been really hard, and I thought it'd be easy. I feel so... Helpless."

Her mother's voice was gentle, "It's okay, Connie. For most people, it's a normal part of growing up. I know right now it seems like a big, uncontrollable force, but that's because your brain is still growing. Your impulse control isn't what it's going to be. I promise it'll get easier to deal with. I struggled when I was your age too, but my mother just told me to bottle it up, ignore everything, try to force it to go away."

She gave a slight smirk. “And that’s how I was made.”

“Inappropriate.” Her mother snorted. “But, yes, and I’m very happy you’re here. You should take care of yourself so you can keep a clear head and make good choices. You’re a teenager and I’m a doctor - I know what’s going on in your body. If you’re ever uncomfortable dealing with me, I’ll be happy to refer you to a colleague or a therapist or… We can work through this. You’re going to be fine.”

"Thanks, Mom. Sorry I didn't believe you," she mumbled, fiddling with her hair. "I look stupid now, don't I?"

"You sound like a teenager," Priyanka said flatly. "I knew this was coming."

Connie grinned. "Is that an I told you so?"

"Of course not. You're upset." 

"Thanks." 

"The I told you so comes when I bring up this phone call in my speech at your wedding." She sounded amused. "What happened to set all this off? Did Steven have another growth spurt?"

Connie blushed and rolled her eyes. "No."

"Was it the buff blond girl and her cat girlfriend?"

Connie choked as she remembered the art work she’d drifted off to. "No! I have to go. Love you, Mom."

"I love you too, Connie.” Priyanka promised, “You'll be okay.”

Chapter Text

“Hey Lars! Good to see you again! Your spaceship is so-” Connie stopped as she turned around, coming face to face with the massive window, clear of any incoming warnings or ship statuses. Space stretched in front of her, and it took her breath away. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” Lars said with a smirk. “It’ll do that to you.”

“Oh, right!” Steven beamed. “You love space.”

“Uh huh,” she said dreamily, walking to the towering glass before her - if it was glass. When she touched it, it was perfectly smooth and cool to her fingertips, and whatever separated her from the vastness of space was so clear she needed her hand there just to reassure herself she wouldn’t tumble out into the endless night. When she move her hand, it stayed clear, the resident of her skin somehow not sticking the the magic, clear substance.

Lars stood beside her. “Doesn’t even look like we’re moving, right? But we’re probably going faster than any humans have gone before. Those stars are so far away we’d have to make three or four jumps before we got there.”

“Jumps?” she asked.

“Oh, uh, they’re like…” He frowned. “I don’t know how to explain. There’s these faster than light engines, but we can only get so far on this kind of ship. It’s meant for skirmishing - the gems normally use the warps unless they’re traveling to somewhere without one.”

“Faster than light engines,” she whispered.

“Sorry. I’m not used to talking to kids. Uh, light travels-”

“Nearly two hundred thousand miles per second. The speed limit of the universe. The draw distance on the simulation we’re all living in. The ultimate unbreakable rule.” Her eyes shone as she trailed her finger around a far off star. “Just do that three or four times, and we’ll find a new sun.”

“Yeah.” He snorted. “I should have known you’d know this kind of stuff. You’re always reading.”

“Who cares?” she said. She wanted to shake her head, but she was too afraid to tear her eyes away even for a second. “It didn’t matter how many books I read about space until I was out in it. And you get to live it.”

“Live it, huh?” He looked down at his pink hand and scoffed. “Close enough, I guess.”

“Are you ever afraid you’ll wake up?” she asked softly.

“What do you mean?” he asked. “Like a nightmare?”

“No. Do you ever worry that it’s all just a dream, and you’ll wake up who you were before you knew about magic and space?” She managed to look at him, her face so open and thrilled and scared and full of wonder all at once that it reminded him of Steven - though Steven could get that way over the smallest thing. Then she smiled a little, looking grim, and and all the Steven-ness of her faded away. “Probably not. Being a space pirate sounds cool but you didn’t choose it. You probably wish it never happened at all. I’m sorry.”

“Actually…” He looked out at space. “I want to go home. I want to be safe again. But I don’t think I would do it any different. Maybe just one or two things. But how do you pass on a view like this?”

“I think you guys are seeing something I’m not,” Steven said, his own face pressed to the glass.

Connie giggled. “Of course we are. Some of us didn’t find out warp travel existed until we had well-established notions of the world and understood some basics of the universe.”

Steven looked back at her. “Do you really think you’re dreaming?”

“Sometimes,” she confessed.

Lars smirked. “Want me to pinch you?”

“The sword’s not just for show, you know. I can use it,” she said sternly, then quickly added (just as sternly), “That was a joke. I only use my weapon for self-defense.”

He snorted. “Aren’t you two supposed to be bringing letters? Food? Maybe some more books to read?”

The two of them dug into their bags, pulling out everything they brought with them.

Chapter Text

After the third lost sparring match in a row, and Steven was crowing over his victories, Connie rolled her eyes. She wouldn’t normally be so bitter, but her muscles ached and the day was long, and his bubble was getting horribly impenetrable lately. "You know your role makes it easier for you to win, right?"

Steven giggled. "What’s that mean?"

"It means it's easier to defend a castle than siege it," she said, crossing her arms. "I'm not saying you're not good at this. I think you’re probably better than me, but it's still a lot harder for me to actually win. You literally have an unbreakable shield!"

"That's not true." Steven glanced back at the gems. "Is it?"

Pearl winced. "Well, Steven, from a tactical perspective-"

"It's true?" he yelped.

"Defending is very admirable, and it does have big disadvantages in some cases. But, at least in a duel where the goal is disarm or surrender or pin, being on defense is a massive advantage," Pearl explained with a smile. She wrapped her arms around him in an encouraging (if patronizing) hug. "And you're very good at it!"

Steven looked back at Connie. "So what you're doing is harder?"

She walked to the weapons rack and grabbed a dull practice sword, holding it out. "See for yourself."

He took a few practice swings with the blunt blade. It was very light, like all the hardlight swords they kept around, but solid in his grasp. He’d swung a sword around enough as Stevonnie to have a few ideas on how to use it. He moved through the motions he had seen Connie and Pearl do in practice, and when he thought he got the idea, he asked, "Do I have a goal?"

"Surrender or pin, like Pearl said," she said.

"Or disarm," he finished.

She was smirking at him, bouncing up onto her toes back and forth, limbering up for the spar. "I'm not going to be armed unless I steal your sword. But I’m pretty sure we can call that a win for me."

He shook his head. "I don't want to hurt you, Connie."

The girl looked smug. "It's alright. You don't need to worry about it."

"I do worry about it!" he insisted. "Just because I can heal you doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

She laughed, hands on her hips. "Steven, I'm not going to get hurt! You don’t know how to use a sword. You’re way slower than me. My whole combat style is about dodging and maneuverability. You’re a turtle. There’s no way you’re going to hit me. A shield would actually slow me down. I can’t take a hit like you can."

Steven scowled, looking back at Garnet. "Can you tell her to get a shield?"

Garnet shrugged. "She doesn't need one."

"You see a million futures at a time!" Steven cried.

“Sorry."

Pearl clapped, ignoring Steven’s dismay. "Alright, students. Start your spar before we run out of daylight.”

Steven stepped forward and took a slow, careful slash at Connie. She stepped past it, took the flat of the blade between her palms, and immediately took the sword right out of his ginger grasp. It twirled into her hands and she had it pointed at his chest before he could blink. She grinned as she dropped the point and handed it back. "Here. Freebie. Go back and try again."

He could feel himself flush with embarrassment as they took their positions again, Pearl grinning proudly at Connie before setting them off again. "Okay." He took a deep breath and squared himself up. "I'll be serious."

"Good. Anything else would be condescending," she said, starting to smirk.

He rushed forward. He was stronger than she was, so he could use that to his advantage. He swung the practice sword around like a hammer, trying to put plenty of force into it, but he might as well have been moving through syrup. He wasn’t used to actually trying to hit Connie in close combat - just flinging shields at her across the field. She was always better when they played tag, sure, but he hadn’t really been trying, had he?

"Ooooh," Connie said with a grin, easily ducking his wide, slow swing with the sword. "You know what? I get it. I get why you sing during fights. I'm not even winded!"

He giggled. "Connie! Be serious!"

"Singing is how you solve half our problems, Steven. It's very serious business," she teased.

Connie kept her feet still just to flex on him, swaying around his strikes and casually using her palms to brush away strikes that were aimed too well to dodge. Finally he stabbed at her legs and she flipped up into the air, landing on his sword. It was sturdy enough to hold her weight, and somehow he didn't drop it in shock.

"Hey there, Steven." She tapped his nose before leaping back off of the weapon. "So. I think I'm gonna start singing. Any requests?"

“Connie,” he whined. “Be nice!”

Her grin turned downright wicked as she started to sing. “I can make a promise. I can make a plan."

Steven covered his reddening face with a free hand. "Cut it out!"

"I can make a difference," she continued merrily, ducking forward under another wide swing and twirling behind him. "I can take a stand."

She gave his curls a playful tug and leapt back at his much more wild swing with a laugh.

"You can make an effort," she taunted, palming his overhead strike so it slid off to the side of her. "But I think you understand. That yooooou... You can't land a hit."

He lowered the point of the sword, humiliated giggles bubbling out. "You've got to be kidding me. How many times did you listen to that file? How do you have it memorized?"

"Shh, Steven, dance break, and the song is a bop. Duh nuh nuh nuh nuhnuh." She giggled as she twirled and hummed to the imaginary beat.

He took a few more wild swings at her as she moved, but she ducked and danced and twirled away from every one, until he was left panting. "Isn't this the part of the song where I throw you into the sky?"

"I'm putting my all into it, but this song isn't giving me floating powers, so I wouldn't recommend it," she taunted, just barely dodging a surprise swing from him. "Oooh! Sneaky."

Steven frowned, jabbing forward as fast as he could, but Connie slammed down to the floor without hesitation, catching herself just before her face hit and rolled away. She sprung back up. A little more breathless, but just as delighted, she sang, "You can make it different!"

"Come on!" he shouted.

She winked and pointed at him like a pop star. "You can make it right!"

He swept at her legs and she hopped it like a jump rope. "I do this way better!" Her voice was shaky and and full of giddy laughter as she took a few steps back and winked. "I'm gonna end the fight."

"Connie, you're killing me!" he laughed, feigning a weak jab at her.

"You can make an effort, starting with tonight!" She giggled, then squealed as he suddenly charged at her, sword raised above his head in both hands. She blurted as she raced away, barely singing at all, "Cuz you can make a change! Also we don't have to fight! I shouldn't have cut that line! Don’t kill me!"

Of course, for all his charging, she was still far too good at dodging to give him much of a chance, and soon both she and Steven were winded. They both hand their hands on their knees, trying to catch their breath from the many sprinted laps around the arena. For all his efforts, he was pretty sure the best he might have done is give her a small bruise on her hand from an imperfect palming of the sword.

"Stevonnie's strategy is all me, Steven," she taunted gleefully. She threw cast her hand before her, palm up in a ridiculously gloating pose. "You know, I usually get a few hits in. I think I might just be the better fighter in general."

He grinned. "Well, I was at a disadvantage. It's not fair that you got to spend the whole flight flirting with me."

"Flirting?" she squeaked, freezing in place. "I wasn't-hey!"

He grinned, tugging the sword back from where he poked her in the side. "Emotional intelligence. More useful than you think.”

“You’re a dishonorable scoundrel! Taking advantage of your most honorable knight.” She laughed.

Steven flopped onto his back with a sigh, tired and grinning. “Quit flirting.”

He didn’t even have to look to know he had her blushing.

Chapter Text

Greg was no stranger to weird family stuff, human stuff. He didn’t see his family often, and that was on purpose. Not because anyone was really bad, but because he knows sometimes you’re born into a home you don’t belong. It taught him a lot about complicated households, and he liked to think he was pretty good with people as an adult.

He noticed that Connie's parents were strict. Protective. Busy. The girl was independent, able to drop by whenever she pleased with bus far and a debit card tucked into her wallet, and yet there were a million little rules she had to follow. It was a weird extreme at both ends. There was something up. He waited patiently for the other shoe to drop.

So when Connie casually mentioned, "My mom and dad got married at eighteen," he stored that knowledge away for later as another piece of the puzzle.

The hints kept coming. "I don’t know what kind of wedding I’d want. Mom says their wedding was really small and rushed. Usually they're really big deals in my family, but they had to go fast."

"I don't see my extended family that much either. Maybe just every couple of years I go see my dad’s side."

"Don't tell my parents we hug a lot, okay? You saw how my dad got." 

"All my cousins are way younger than me, so I'm more of a babysitter than a friend."

"Mom's family is kind of weird about my dad, so we don’t go to them.”

He got the picture. He wasn’t sure, but Steven's gift with people doesn't come from nowhere. Greg tended to be good at those kinds of things. He made a few guesses about their lives, about the way Connie tiptoed around answers, and by the end he saw a mother who got pregnant earlier than expected, a husband who wasn't approved of, and a little girl who has been taught to be very, very responsible about those kinds of things.

So, when it finally came out, he had already braced himself for the fallout. He was sure it was coming, with every day Connie got older and bolder with her affections for his son. Their hand holding went from relaxed, cupped hands to staring down at where they were linked, fingers roaming across one another with wonder. Hugs started to linger longer than before. There were gentle kisses on the cheek goodbye, and lingering glances as they parted.

And then, suddenly, it was gone. Things were different between her and Steven. There was a nervousness, a tenseness in her shoulders as she started to pull back from him, as physical affection became something she looks at like a growling dog. From flirting to timidity overnight. Steven was confused and distressed, and Greg did his best to soothe him. He told him to give it a bit. Connie would talk to him about it soon, and he didn’t think she was going anywhere. It was just family stuff. It would get better.

It was two weeks into that development when she stood outside his van, wrapped up tight in her forest green blanket. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen from what looked like a very hard night, and she asked, “Mr. Universe, could I talk to you? I can't talk about it with the gems or Steven or with my mom. So, I thought, maybe..." She trailed off. "If you're free?"

He patted his van beside him. "Tell me what's on your mind. Why can't you talk to anyone else?"

She sighed as she scooted in beside him. Greg had a lot of people in the back of his van like this, distressed and ready to vent about parents. It was a little surreal to have her in that spot, in a place where he had once shared cigarettes and beer and too many swear words with rocker friends. She and Steven really were growing up fast, weren’t they?

Connie said, "I can't talk to the gems because it's human stuff. They don't really know anything about growing up or having babies or getting jobs."

Greg nodded. "And Steven?" 

"It's mom stuff. If I talk to Steven, he'll just end up feeling bad.” She looked up at Greg, words tumbling out fast, “And that's okay! You've got to talk to different people about different things, you know? Because not everyone can talk easily about everything."

He thought about that. This was going to be a rough talk. He laughed a little as he asked, "So it's mom stuff, but you can't talk to your mom?" 

"We talk about it, but not… We’re not very good at it.” Connie drew the blanket closer around her, and her legs vanished from the bottom, curling up to her chest. “We're trying to talk about it without actually talking about it. We can't talk like normal because then one of us is going to feel really, really bad. Probably both of us. So we don't say it."

He grinned and nudged her. "Like you're doing now? The suspense is killing me." 

She laughed a little, rocking to the side and letting her head rest on the door of the van. "Yeah. Mom's afraid that I'm like her. That I'm gonna make all the same mistakes that she did. And, since I'm getting older, the big mistake she made when she was my age was, well..." She cleared her throat, her hand came out of the blanket to gesture at herself. “Oops.”

Connie looked to him, braced for something. He imagined she thought he was going to console her, tell her she must have been wrong. She was obviously planned. But Connie was smart, and that would be a lie. Greg just sighed. “Yeah, that’s rough.”

She sagged with relief. "Mom really hates it when I say mistake. She gets really mad and says that I was a good surprise. But, you know, it's not... I mean, it's not that big of a deal to just say I was an accident. I know she loves me and she really wanted me. She fought her whole family to have me! Just because I wasn't planned doesn't mean I wasn't wanted. I know that."

"I get it,” Greg said. He’d had plenty of friends who hadn’t had such a sweet story, who took a drag off their cigarette and muttered about their parents telling them they wished they had never been born. He pushed ahead, “Most kids probably weren't planned. Stuff just happens. Most people don't have the clearest heads on their shoulders when it comes to that."

Connie was smiling now, and turned to face him in her excitement. "Yes! Exactly! My mom thinks it's the end of the world to just say out loud she's afraid that I'm going to get pregnant and make my life way harder, because then we'll be talking about the fact that I made her life way harder! But I already know that so not talking about it just makes it worse."

"So why don't you say it?"

Her fingers clenched tight around the blanket, face falling. "Mom... The only time I ever see Mom cry is when it's about stuff like this. She really loves me. Even when she was being strict or when she's working all the time, I know it's because she really loves me. And I'm afraid if we start really talking about this, she's going to cry a lot."

"Would that be a bad thing?" he asked gently.

"My parents don't cry." Connie swallowed, then confessed, "It really freaks me out when they cry. My anxiety gets really bad and I get really shaky. I don't know how I could have a whole conversation where Mom's crying about how much she loves me."

"I don't know. That sounds pretty reassuring," Greg said with a little grin. "You must be pretty special if you're the only thing she cries about. Has to be nice to have a mom who cares so much about you, who wants you to know you weren't a mistake."

She bit her lip. "Yeah, well... I don't think that last part is true. I was wanted, but that doesn't mean I wasn't a mistake. Mom wanted to be a doctor. She had me at eighteen. She should've waited, or been more careful, or something. Having me wasn't the smart thing to do, and I know that. And I don't know how to tell her that I'm not going to be like her.” Connie took a deep breath, saying it flat out, “I'm not going to make her mistake and have a baby way to young and mess up my whole life and the baby’s life, because there's no way to say that without... "

Greg heaved another sigh. "Without telling her that you know you should've been born way later."

She swallowed hard. "I should've been a baby by the time I met Steven on the beach. You know, when Mom was thirty and had a stable doctor career so we didn't have to move all the time for Dad's job." She hesitated. "But, I mean, that wouldn't have been me. Different sperm, different egg, whole different living situation. I wouldn't exist at all. How can I tell her that without freaking her out? I want to exist, and I'm happy and I love my family but, I mean..."

The metaphor came fast: "You can appreciate a Dondai even if you know a Norvette would be nicer."

"Yes!" She laughed and stared up at him. "How are you so good at this?"

"I've got the soul of a poet," he said, giving her head a pat.

Connie put her hand on top of his, her smile a little more bitter. "And you do this . Touching. Hugs. Affection. All the time! Casually! My family doesn't, and my mom's family really doesn't. So my mom is thinking about when she was eighteen and she was all alone and there were no hugs or holding hands or headpats or anything, so of course when my dad showed up they went kind of crazy!”

“Kind of crazy?” Greg asked.

“It’s a big mess,” Connie said. “It’s a culture thing. Just… Mom wasn’t supposed to be with someone like dad, but they met when Mom was touring colleges early. He asked her out and she really liked him and then everyone got mad about everything forever. And, you know, they…” She waved a hand. “Made me. But that's not me . I have Steven and Pearl and you and the rest of the gems and even Lapis and Peridot and... " 

She laughed, completely disbelieving as she put a hand to her head. "And Lars ! We spar and wrestle all the time! There was this big empty hole in me before I came to Beach City and then Steven held my hand and I thought, 'That's the hole. Nobody touches me'. So I get it! I really get why it happened to her! But I don't know how to explain that it's not going to happen to me ."

Greg laughed awkwardly. "Well, Connie, I wouldn't say never. Growing up can be-"

She cut him off with a fierce look. "I'm not going to go into details, but trust me, Mr. Universe. I know. I really know. And it's definitely not going to happen to me. I talked that problem out with my mom and I have made the necessary accommodations. I am not getting pregnant on accident because of hormones. I want to do big things, and I can’t do those things with a baby right now."

He held up his hands in surrender. "If you say so. You seem very well prepared."

"It was a hassle and I hated it, but I've got it handled." She groaned and put her face in her hands. "But sometimes I wish I hadn't talked to her about it at all, because maybe then she wouldn't be freaking out so much. Maybe I should've just lied and told her I was pretty sure I didn't ever want sex."

"No, no. You did the right thing," Greg said, squeezing her shoulder. "The hard thing, but the right thing."

"Okay. So... How do I fix this?" she asked. "How do I get her to stop panicking every time I want to have a sleepover, or go somewhere unsupervised with Steven? He's my best friend! We've actually been getting through awkward teenage stuff just fine except for when I go home and Mom makes it weird."

He laughed. "I know you want to lie-"

"With all my heart," she said, eyes big and pleading. "Please tell me I'm allowed to lie, just about this one thing. It'd be so much easier."

"But you've got to talk it out," he finished, watching her face sink. "You've got to talk about how you all feel about how you came into the world. You've got to talk about why you're not going to have a baby like she did. You've got to explain to her why her doing this is making your life harder. And you've got to hear her out on why she feels this way. "

"Wise advice, Mr. Universe," she said, sounding just a little depressed at the thought.

He ruffled her hair. "Connie, it’s been years. You can call me Greg."

"I've tried. Just comes out as Mr. Universe." She grinned sheepishly. "You're too wise and respectable."

"Every rock star's worst nightmare." He laughed as he rubbed her back. "For what it's worth, I think you've got a good head on your shoulders. I know I've never got to worry about Steven when he's with you."

She cringed. "You know I was the one that convinced him to run away on a bus because a dinner went badly, right? And I got us locked up in a dungeon?"

"I’ve heard some stories about him nearly killing you in a bubble on your first day?" He grinned as she giggled, covering her face again. "You two take care of each other, and you're gonna be alright Connie. You're dealing with this space stuff better than I did. Human beings?"

He held out his fist, and she tapped it with a hopeful smile. "Human beings."

Chapter Text

Connie didn’t get the chance to heal him physically. He had wrangled his healing powers under control not longer after they met, and he had always been too sturdy to hurt much. He didn’t get sick. Twice, he had managed to give himself a cut or a bruise with Connie around, and he grinned to himself as she dug in her bag for bandages, only to realize halfway through wrapping the bandage around the wound that it wasn’t necessary.

She had looked back at him dryly on both occasions. “You could’ve said something.”

“But you’re cute,” he said, beaming.

Instead, she mostly fixed him up emotionally. Steven knew that Connie was often too much for people to handle. He wasn’t sure if she even knew how to do something halfway. She leaked enthusiasm and passion and drive into everything she did, which included loving him, and he needed that. He needed every moment her eyes shone from him tugging out an instrument. He needed endless enthusiasm over books and shows as a distraction from a long day of intrusive thoughts. He needed how badly she craved to touch him, her hand in his and arms wrapped tight around him and constant cuddles whenever the opportunity arose, because he often felt very unlovable.

All of it fixed him.

Steven had lost all of that though, just for a bit, during wedding planning. He had been worried about the wedding for a while, that maybe he was pressuring her into it. Dr. Maheswaran hadn’t been thrilled that her daughter was getting married at nineteen, and she and Connie would bicker in Tamil about it. Every so often, Priyanka would go a bit too far, and Connie would say something that stopped the argument cold. He barely knew enough to parse it, but it was something along the lines of “It runs in the family”, which made everything tense and awkward.

His dad had been encouraging, at least. Steven had leaned on him a lot, because Greg was pretty amazing at healing too. They hung out alone, and Steven vented about his nerves, what he feared he was pressuring Connie into. Greg assured him that he was just fine, and Connie was a grown woman who was making her own decision. And then they ate a lot of processed meat products and listened to a lot of classic rock, and his dad told him stories about his mom that always cheered him up. Complicated legacy aside, Greg and Rose had been happy together for a while. He wanted that kind of happiness for himself.

Just. You know. Longer.

When the planning got more intense, Connie shut down further, and there went all his healing. Her stress about the wedding had been obvious throughout the planning, when her normal bubbliness faded into a flat, agreeable automaton, only speaking up when she found a way to shift more of the attention onto him and off of her. Their wedding was going to be massive. After all, humans and gems alike would be there. It was technically a royal wedding. Steven was thrilled at the lavishness of it, the ornateness, but guilt seeped in as he worried that Connie wouldn’t enjoy it at all, that the anxiety and stress of it would make her sick.

But she’d been very happy the day of. She cried during their vows as much as he did, and they were very heartfelt, and his worry about her wanting to marry him was whisked away as Connie spent a full ten minutes reading off printed pages professing her love. Steven’s vows took only a minute or two, but still made Connie beam and cry. He’d read that wedding vows were supposed to be like his and not speeches. He didn’t care. He had needed her to go all out on a day like today, and she had. That was his Connie, his healer, always going above and beyond in everything she did. The audience could suffer through the long speech. He adored it.

Worry and doubt lingered as they headed into the diplomacy and formalities, greeting everyone they met. Pressure did constant chip damage to his health, so that he could imagine his health bar turning red as it shrunk bit by bit, but his friends and family dragged him off to really enjoy the party, with karaoke and drinks and dancing. Amethyst winked and teased about his wedding night, tilted up his drink so it went faster. That was just a joke, of course. He healed it out whenever he felt himself getting a bit too dizzy, carefully keeping his alcohol level at a very low level buzz. Garnet congratulated him many times, crying each time she did. Pearl just kept laughing and hugging him, giddy and proud.

They shoved him back with Connie regularly, teasing him about spending the night with his wife instead of everyone else, and he giggled as each time he found her a little bit more cheerful. This was because, as he later found out, that being the bride meant everyone went way out of their way to keep you happy, and Connie’s anxiety had been melted away with some legal recreational drugs and a sea of waiters who appeared like magic to shove drinks into her hand. He heard several memorable quotes secondhand over the next few days that kept his spirits up.

Remembering ridiculous lines such as, “Where’s my mom? No, no. The white one. Oh! Sorry. Caucasian,” never failed to boost his spirits. That had apparently been in reference to Connie wanting her sword, which Pearl had taken away from her not long after the ceremony. Another was, “I’m not listening to the music tastes of Bubblegum Baker Space Ace,” as Lars attempted to tempt her into requesting some rap metal after his requests to the DJ had failed. And, finally, her eying White Diamond suspiciously across the beach and muttering to Amethyst, “When’s narcissist grandma gonna get off my planet?” 

When the next day came, Connie was awake at eight in the morning, hangover free. She explained that for every drink she took, she had drank an equal amount of water, keeping her very safe. She wasn’t wild drunk Connie, or flat too much stress Connie, but back to her too-much-for-most-people self. She rolled on top of him, bracing her hands on his shoulders, and whispered with disbelieving delight, “You’re my husband . Steven, we’re married !”

Each sentence was a single point, nudging his health bar beyond the green, keeping him overhealed for days after. He slowly grinned. “Uh huh. Did you have fun, wife ?”

“I’m your wife !” She laughed and hugging him tight, and gushed and babbled pure joy into his ears as they rolled around the bed. Every word made the burden and worry fade away, and he watched as she stumbled out of bed and raced to her suitcase. She was dressing frantically, and looked back at him completely baffled. “What are you doing in bed?”

He grinned. “Enjoying being married.”

“Oh, yeah?” She looked sly. “You don’t think you’d enjoy it more if we went out and told everyone again that we just got married?”

He was out of bed like a rocket. He tugged on his clothes, and she squealed his name as he scooped her up bridal style (and it fit because she was his bride , he thought giddily), as he bubbled and floated and let his powers run wild with sheer joy, basking in it with her. So commenced an entire giddy day of Steven and Connie strolling around Beach City, insisting to all their friends, “Have you met my husband, Steven Maheswaran? He’s amazing” and “This is my wife, Connie Universe. We have each other’s names now. It’s pretty cool.”

Every unrestrained smile, every drop of pure joy, was a constant low level mental health boost. Connie still couldn’t halfway loving him. He needed that. He needed someone who looked at everything he was and took it in stride - not the gem royalty, not the man who loved his guitar, but both at once. Steven needed someone who he knew he had earned love with, that it was possible to lose love with, and to wake up every day knowing that Steven Universe had won and kept the heart of Connie Maheswaran. Well, Steven Maheswaran-Universe and Connie Maheswaran-Universe. Their last names matched now, because he wanted to take something of hers, and she had insisted that Universe was too cool of a last name not to take.

She healed him constantly, endlessly, always there to listen and comfort and smother him with a good kind of love. And he healed her in a much simpler, stupider way, because Connie typically seemed to have it together emotionally. She snapped back quick from troubles and trauma. But his wife, beautiful and perfect and the light of his life, was an impulsive disaster with only the barest sense of self-preservation. There were lots of words Steven had come to dread. Big, scary things like, "My Diamond" and "You're not my Diamond". Things like "She's been cracked" or "He's bleeding". But nothing could make his stomach sink faster than Connie's curious musing of, "Is this hot?" which was, almost inevitably followed by, "Yup! Ouch. Steven?"

Sometimes, there wasn't even a question. He had stared, dumbstruck by her dumbness, as he watched her take a cup of coffee from the barista, proclaim, "This is hot!" and immediately take a sip and scald her mouth. Then she turned her eyes on him, sad puppydog eyes, and looked shocked that her impatience had once again left her injured. He patiently took her hands and whispered, "What did you think was going to happen?" She didn't answer, just stole a kiss and started in on her muffin while she waited for her drink to become drinkable. Of course, he knew what she expected. There was no risk in a tiny burn or scrape, because he was there, and the sting wouldn’t last for even a minute as long as he was around.

"Is this hot?" She would say, and reach into the oven to poke her leftovers, squealing as a fry singed her finger, and rush over to him with her hand out for him to kiss. It happened commonly enough that he didn't even look away from his game anymore. She would shove a finger in front of his face and he obediently kissed it, and she rushed off to finish whatever she had been working on. He was relieved to find there was never blood, though. Connie knew her way around a knife and tended to be careful there.

And it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to her getting hurt either. In fact, he was even used to hurting her himself. They sparred, and accidents happened. Connie would have been furious if he ever started dishing out less than she could take, and it wouldn’t be fair to her to act as if training wasn’t serious. But he had noticed, more and more, that Connie was less concerned about injuries, and would push through them readily if she saw the chance to take the fight. She had always pushed through the smallest ones, but they seemed to be getting bigger. He didn’t like it.

One day, while gently kissing away bruises from combat training, worrying over how dark and nasty and indicative of a broken bone they might have been, he asked, "Do you think you could be more careful?"

She stared at him for a moment, then whispered, "I'm not trying to get hurt."

"I know," he murmured. He stroked her cheek reassuringly. "I know you’re not hurting yourself. But you could be more careful. You’re getting carried away."

She fidgeted for a moment, pulling away from his touch as she looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry. Healing me up all the time is probably a hassle."

Steven frowned. "Of course it's not!" 

"I'll just get bandages in the future," she said, nodding to herself. "I’ll be more careful. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you with it. You've got a lot to deal with and-" 

"Connie, I'm upset because you're hurt, not because I have to take the time to heal you," Steven said, tugging her close to hold her. He could feel himself getting weighed down with worry, panic, remembering her much younger eagerly proclaiming about how he was everything, about how important his magical destiny was, her young but confident voice asserting I don’t matter . He pressed his face against her hair. "You’re important to me. I love you. It's never too much to heal you. I just don't want you to get hurt."

She swallowed. "I could be more careful."

Steven heard something in her voice, something he couldn't quite place. He pressed her, "But?"

"I'm not trying to get hurt, I promise. But I..." Connie’s fingers bunched up in his shirt. "I'm not careful, because I know you'll fix me. And I really like it when you fix me. I just feel really loved and cared for. It makes everything better, no matter what kind of day I've had. But I'm really not trying to-"

Steven kissed her nose gently, smiling. Oh . That made perfect sense. And that was a very solvable problem for one romantic Steven Maheswaran-Universe. He rested his forehead adoringly to hers - his Connie, his constant healer, his wife who would push aside a snack and refuse a break if it meant getting just a few more minutes of work done. He murmured, "How about you promise to be more careful, and I promise to heal you anyway?"

She blinked. "What does that mean?"

"I've got some ideas. Come on." He dragged her off with a grin.

Connie still burned herself often, but less. She lost to him more in combat training, but it was rarer he needed to kiss things away. She was often distracted or busy or thoughtless as she focused on work, and little injuries piled up for him to fix. But, it was under control. They had a system now, and nothing could make his heart race more than Connie shyly whispering, "I think I need healing?" followed by a giddy squeal as he scooped her up for all the healing he could take. His favorite was bed time.

Steven covered her in their softest, fluffiest comforter. He lit enough candles that she would giggle, "fire hazard". He made tea the way she loved it, with milk and honey and a spice blend from her favorite shop. He curled into bed with her and they watched the cartoons she was too shy to admit she liked to everyone else. He nuzzled her and held her and praised her until her eyes shone with barely held back tears and she couldn't stop smiling. Connie dripped healing. Steven dumped it down like a waterfall. He would have loved to do it earlier, if only he had realized Connie’s careful avoidance of words like “sad” and “depressed” and “anxious” could be replaced with a much less weighted “I need healing.”

Steven pressed down his feelings, hiding them when they hurt, but Connie drowned him in love. He never had to ask, because she was there, too much and deeply devoted, and healing him with every moment they spent together. But when it came to herself, being taken care of and being showered in attention were concepts so alien to her she didn't know how to ask for them. These were things reserved for broken bones, being ill, life changing emotional moments.

She saved him with praise and care, without him ever having to ask, because devotion was something she understood. She stumbled to ask for the same, because affection was once rarer than platinum, and desires were to be tucked away lest they break one of the too many rules. Connie had grown up too busy to be sad or depressed or anxious. Those were nonproductive words, so she didn’t use them. There was only one thing she could ever be - hurt. So there was only one thing she could ever need.

“Is this too much?” she whispered in their blanket fort, her eyes drifted to her desk and the studies he was sure she was scolding herself for not doing.

There was more than that. Tangled threads that they were going to unravel over years. There was Connie’s panic when he dunked her under the water by surprise, so intense he had to heal away scratches on his arm. There was Steven’s scream when she’d pretended to stab herself through the gut with a broom, his powers whipping out and knocking her down, so that he had to heal the bruise. There was both of them, having enjoyed several dates in Escape Rooms before, thrown into one of gray concrete, and hiding their panic and distress until both of them burst into tears, slamming the emergency exit and running out before the staff could talk to them.

But, at that moment, in the first year of being newlyweds, things were a bit more simple. There was pressure. There was work. There was learning how to fix each other up. And when his Connie, his too much for other people Connie, asked him if she was too much, there was only one answer.

“Never,” he said, kissing her temple. “I need healing too.”

Chapter Text

The first time Lion follows her home, there's a meltdown. She does find it admirable that her mother's instinct is to stand protectively in front of her, though the fact that there's no real danger means Connie’s analytical mind notes her mother's terrible, unbalanced stance leaves her ungrounded and easy to knock over. Her father, actually being combat trained, comes out with a heavy nightstick he rarely wields on the job, and she has to grab his wrist and beg him to stand down, rushing to explain their new house guest.

"You met him at the hospital, remember?" Connie says, cuddling Lion's face as she tries to prove he's not a threat. "He's Steven's! I guess he's just started liking me lately."

"That's a cat for you." Her dad grins, and Connie grins back.

"You expect us to let him inside?" Priyanka says.

Connie cringes. "He can teleport. I don't think we can stop him."

"What's he eat?" Doug asked. "Cotton candy? Shrimp?"

"Steven feeds him ice cream," Connie said slowly. "But I know he likes to hunt lizards. I think he'd probably eat meat like a regular lion if we gave him some."

Priyanka looks exhausted. "Doug, please don't tell me-"

"I want to feed the Lion," Doug says, overruling his wife without a bit of discussion.

Connie is beaming, and soon the two of them are laughing and squealing as Lion gulps down ground beef. His tongue scrapes noisily across the styrofoam the food was packed in, still searching for more. Lion never looks to them as food, although he does lick their hands very thoroughly in his quest for more meat. Then, he lazily strolls into their home like he’s been there a dozen times before.

Priyanka eyes Connie suspiciously. "He seems to know the place."

"I wish," she says sincerely. "This is the first time he's done this. He's Steven's pet, and he's not even a pet! He's smart. He just does whatever he wants."

"Hmm."

But Connie isn't lying this time, and it doesn't take long for Lion to prove it. He groans and grunts and huffs as he rubs his face across everything in their home. Connie and Doug giggle, mumbling, "Oh, that's his. That too!" as he rubs scent glands across everything. Their apartment has a very gentle scent of cat in it now. And... Something floral, oddly enough. It’s nice.

"No, Lion, please!" Connie squeaks, flinging her arms around his neck as he heads for the stairs. But he's a lion. A magic lion. He pays her no heed as he marches up the stairs and drags her with him, marking the rest of their home.

At night, he tries to share her bed. She spends at least half an hour hissing and pushing at him every time he tries to clamber up onto her twin sized mattress. "You don't fit!" He whines and groans very pitifully. She uses her legs to shove him away. "No complaining! You don't fit and you know it. You have to stay on the floor."

He steals her blanket. She sighs and gets another from the linen closet, but that seems to be a decent compromise. He's a very smart lion, and she stares at him in the street lamp and moonlit room. She whispers, "I'd really like it if you liked me too. I promise not to ask a lot from you, unless it's really important. I'd like it if we could be friends, and you could teleport me cool places you like, and I could feed you all kinds of tasty stuff and brush your mane, but we don't have to. I know you have important magical destiny stuff with Steven."

Lion blinks slowly at her in the dim light. Connie has no idea that it means anything at all. She's never had a cat, or studied cat behaviors. She just smiles and curls up to sleep. It's enough just to have him want to spend the night.

She never expects him to want to spend the night all the time.

Her mother is reluctant about it at first, but gets over it quickly. It’s hard not to want Lion around. He’s a surprisingly affectionate creature, and Connie has to hide a giddy squeal when her mother’s expression melts. Lion rests his head in Priyanka’s lap, his big eyes staring up at her as he croons for loving, and Priyanka finally weaves her fingers through his mane and croons softly back.

Priyanka was always the one setting the no pet rule, but she doesn’t send Lion away, so that rule is half suspended. Lion isn’t really a pet, or especially hers, but it’s nice to have him around the house. They start keeping cubes of ground beef and lamb and chicken in the freezer, snagging whatever is on sale, and feeding Lion little chunks when he comes over.

She’ll cuddle up to him while she does homework, quietly writing and studying for hours, and Lion seems to appreciate the silence. He dozes while they cuddle and Connie does some studying about cat behavior - Lion behavior specifically.

Cats like to sleep a lot, so she doesn’t wake him much. Male lions sleep between eighteen and twenty hours a day, and she respects that need. Lions are social animals and prefer to have other lions around, so she does her best to keep him company. It must have been awfully lonely not to be a part of a pride like he was supposed to be. It seems, for the most part, he just wants to be around. He slow blinks at her, and she slow blinks back, and it is very exciting to think she had a conversation with a lion. They said, ‘I’m safe, I’m happy, I like you’ in cat. She laughs with delight.

Lions can’t speak human, which is another advantage. When bad things happen, she hides her face in his mane and maybe let a tear or two fall. It’s very comforting. Sometimes when she’s upset, she doesn’t even have to go to him. He’ll come to her side and nuzzle her. She thinks he understands her emotions. He’s a very smart lion, sometimes.

She discovers if she closes her eyes and clears her head and thinks very, very clearly about the place she wants to go, he’ll go there. She doesn’t know how it works, but she finds herself overlooking one of her earliest childhood apartments in Keystone. She nearly sobs as the whole world blooms open in front of her, a way to travel that doesn’t need bus fare or parents or Steven.

“You don’t ever have to take me anywhere you don’t want to.” She thinks it as hard as she can as she says it, hoping he can understand that too. He licks her cheek and she thinks that means he gets it. He seems happy to take her places, though, whenever she politely asks him to. She sees so many beautiful things from his back, and he hunts so many animals Connie fears she’ll be arrested for poaching.

She sits on his back when he runs down prey sometimes. He never kills the big prey. He’ll tackle a deer to the ground and roar with triumph, then walk away. Sometimes, she guides him a little. It’s the closest they get to training to fight together, but it’s not something they seem to need to do.

When she rides with him, everything goes fuzzy around the edges, like being Stevonnie. She is and is not existing at the moment, her mind in some kind of malleable place where she can almost feel what it’s like to have four legs and sharp teeth. She doesn’t tell Steven. She’s worried he’ll think she’s crazy. She’s not magic like he is, after all.

But she has to tell him other things, like when she realizes that Lion is at her house more often than he’s at Steven’s, and she whispers an apology as she explains how she’s been encouraging him to stay. She’s worried it’ll make him cry.

He grins. “Well, yeah, you two fight together. And I’ve got the Dondai and I’m always going off to Homeworld. He probably wants more attention, huh?” Steven croons and vigorously rubs his flank. “Is my house too noisy? You wanna go hang out with Mommy?”

“You’re not upset?” she asks, worry starting to melt away. “I mean, I don’t want to steal him.”

“I don’t think you could. You know he can teleport, right?” he teases. “Lion goes where he needs to go.”

“He’s a very smart lion.” She kisses Lion’s nose, and giggles as he gives her a slow blink. “And a very good friend.”

Chapter Text

Connie had gotten hit on the cheek, so the dark bruise was slowly growing under her skin. Steven knew the nice thing to do. He was very good with his powers. It'd be easy to just give her a gentle peck on the cheek and fix it, or lick a finger a delicately touch her there. They were dating, it's not like he hadn't kissed her a hundred times already. But it was just so tempting, and it'd be so funny... So he leaned in like he was going to kiss her, then licked up the side of her face. She squealed with outrage as the bruise vanished, and charged after him with fists at the ready.

He got away that time, but later, when he was talking to Sadie before a band practice, two wet hands slapped down on his face and slid down his cheeks, and he watched as Sadie burst into disgusted giggles.

"Hey, Connie," he said dryly. "Did you just wash your hands?"

"Nnnnnope," she said back, wiping what was left of her spit on his neck. "Now we're even."

He whirled around to try to grab her, but she was already racing off, apparently only dropping by to get her revenge. That was fine. He could wait. The next time they were alone together he pulled her hand up to his mouth to lick her arm, but she saw it coming. It turned into a wrestling match, which had her at a disadvantage, and ended with her hilarious shriek of, "SteVEN!" as he pinned her head against a pillow and licked her from neck to forehead.

"You're so gross!" she said, laughing wildly as she wiped herself clean. She messily licked her palm and reached for him, then chased him around the house attempting to even the score. It ended with her pounding against his bubble, giggling and demanding he stop his cheating so she could get him back.

The next time she took his hand, it was in front of all the gems, and he made a groan that turned into a giggle as he felt her wet palm against his. "You're the worst."

She tried to lick his cheek and he dodged, but she still taunted, "Fair's fair."

Steven had never expected Connie to keep being delighted by disgusting things, but she kept laughing and groaning when he smeared too much mayo on his sandwiches. She found it more funny than infuriating when he ate a handful of roasted garlic, and french kissed her before she could realize what he’d just swallowed. She crammed her mouth full of marshmallows and played chubby bunny with him, and didn't seem worried at all that he'd stop finding her cute as she coughed out a terrible pile of wet animal byproducts and corn sugar.

"Aren't you supposed to be the mature one?" he asked, watching her giggle at her own nightmarish concoction of ketchup, soy sauce and chocolate syrup, which she drizzled slowly over an orange.

She raised her eyebrow. "You're chickening out, huh? Because you know I'm going to eat this whole thing. Too late, Steven. You made a bet, and you have to deal with the consequences."

"I don't actually want to watch you eat that," he confessed, although that was only half true. He did kind of want to watch her eat it, no matter how much the thought was making his whole body cringe. "You know what? If you don't eat that, I'll still let you pick the next five movies. You don't have to do this."

"Oh, but I do." She grinned, and he watched in gleeful horror as she forced her way through the mess, gagging half a dozen times as she choked it down. When the deed was done, She stared at him. "That was a mistake."

"Yeah." He laughed. His hand came out to ruffle her hair affectionately. "Aren't you worried about this stuff?"

"What, getting sick? It's all food, Steven. It won't hurt me." She shrugged.

He snorted. "No, I mean... You know. Being unattractive. Gross."

"We've shared bodily functions." Connie raised an eyebrow, and leaned in as if it was some great secret. "Every bodily function, Steven. We’ve been Stevonnie for days at a time. Not only that, we've had to do practically every bodily function pretty close to each other. If anything was going to keep you from being attracted to me, I'm pretty sure Homeworld not having bathrooms would have done it."

He smiled a little. "That’s good to hear. I was kind of scared that growing up was gonna mean we couldn't do this anymore."

Connie shook her head. "Growing up means thinking ahead. Taking responsibility. Understanding it can be your problem if it's not your fault. Taxes. It doesn't mean not doing silly stuff. Just look at that goofball." Connie gestured to the picture of Amethyst on the wall. Steven grinned as he looked at it, his sort-of sister looking as crazy in the photo as ever. Connie kept talking at he looked, "She can be the most mature out of everyone, and she's crazy gross."

He looked back at her. "I'm glad we can still mess around."

"Me too." She took his hand.

He closed his eyes, fighting the disgusted smile that wanted to burst onto his face. He lost the fight as her palm moved, feeling the disgusting, sticky, wet feeling of her saliva covered palm in his. "Did you distract me with a picture of Amethyst so you could cover my hand in your spit again?"

Even with his eyes closed, her voice was so giddy he could hear her smile. "It's just too easy."

Chapter Text

“Connie has to lie, or else she can’t do anything fun,” Steven explained, sighing heavily. The girl had only been hanging around for a month, but he had grown so deeply attached that the gems all felt a little guilty they hadn’t thought to find him a friend his own age before. A few discussions with Greg had told them that children being with children their own age was very essential to their development. Steven continued on, despite their nervous looks, “No donuts, no chips, no marshmallows. She can only listen to classical music and movie soundtracks. She has all these schedules. She’s not supposed to watch a bunch of shows. She can only play an hour of video games a week.”

Amethyst groaned. “That sounds awful! What are all those rules for?”

“I dunno. Her mom is really, really strict.” Steven sighed, looking down at his hands sadly. “That’s why she lied about all of you guys. That’s why she wanted to run away. If I do all that stuff she’s not supposed to, they’re probably going to take me away too.”

“They want to separate you?” Garnet scowled, and Amethyst and Pearl looked no happier. They had just found out Steven was supposed to be with children his own age, and now the first one they had managed was about to run off because of some fried dough and odd TV programs.

“I guess not right now. But maybe some day?”

Pearl smiled reassuringly, relieved that his new friend vanishing wasn’t such an imminent threat. “If that day comes we’ll-”

“No,” Garnet said firmly. “Steven and Connie can be together as much as they want. No one should separate them.”

Amethyst laughed. “I think you might be taking this too personally.”

“It’s tyranny to separate people who want to be together,” Garnet said, her voice passionate and just a touch loud, which was the Garnet version of shouting. “If they try to take Connie, she’ll have to rebel against them. We’ll teach her.”

“And how do you suppose we do that?” Pearl rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “We already have one human child and you want to take in another one. Bring her over to our house so she can eat junk food and listen to inappropriate music? Try to encourage her to be a little human Crystal Gem?”

Garnet shrugged. “Yeah. That’ll work.” 

As Doug came around the corner, he was surprised to hear screaming. Or…not screaming. He listened as he walked towards the house. It was singing. Delighted, top of their lungs, screaming in delight kind of singing, getting whisked around the beach by the wind: “ What is this feeling so sudden and new? I felt the moment I laid eyes on you! ”

He frowned. Children singing some kind of love song. It got louder the closer her got, until he was standing at the front door, knocking softly as he searched for the sound. It was coming from here? And up? Maybe Steven was having some kind of party. He winced at the thought of Steven rushing off, singing with his friends, leaving Connie alone in the corner with a book yet again. And, worse, he was singing a love song with some girl. He was already worried that Connie and the boy might move to fast into love, but the idea that she would be rejected and cast aside was far worse.

“ What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame. Does it have a name? Yes! Loathing! ”

Well, not a love song, at least. He breathed a sigh of relief as the pale one, Pearl, came to the door with a smile. “Hello, Mr. Maheswaran. Pleasure as always to have Connie for the evening.”

“Thanks for watching her.” He looked around. “Where’s Connie? Is she with the other kids?”

“No other kids, just her and Steven. I’m surprised you can’t hear them.” She pointed up to the stone hand above them. “I thought humans could hear as well as most gems, and they’re not exactly being quiet, are they?”

Doug’s eyes widened. “That’s Connie?”

“Mmmhmm. She and Steven love their duets.”

He shook his head. “Connie doesn’t sing.”

“Really?” Pearl said, crossing her arms. She looked some odd mixture of smug and disappointed. “She sings here all the time. Of course, we have a lot more here than instrumentals. A bit easier to sing along with, don’t you think?”

Doug murmured, “I guess so. She… she sounds so happy.”

Pearl looked a bit distant, her eyes drifting up past the hand to the sky. “Music and laughter and someone to love. Who couldn’t be happy with that?”

Doug’s eyes widened. “Love?”

“Oh, for…” Pearl rolled her eyes. “Steven loves all his friends. Platonically. Wait right here and I’ll go fetch them.”

Connie had been sent out with a page of donut orders while Steven finished a particularly difficult boss fight in some kind of golf based RPG. It was quite thrilling to exchange winks with the Crystal Gems as they tucked money into her hands and whispered she shouldn’t bring back any change. There were so many things she wasn’t supposed to eat at the donut shop. So many things she couldn’t drink. She decided to be extra naughty and buy herself a cup of coffee, loading it up with cream and sugar. As she walked up to the counter, she bragged, “I’m not supposed to have anything in here. My mom says it’s all too unhealthy.”

Lars snorted. “What a rebel.”

She blushed, the wind instantly taken out of her sails. “I’m trying. I know it’s not as awesome as the stuff the gems rebelled against but I’m listening to new music! I really like musicals.”

“Ooh,” Lars taunted. “How cool.”

Sadie shoved him aside with a smile. “How old are you, Connie?”

“Thirteen,” she said, trying to look proud even after Lars’s teasing. “And two months.”

She leaned over the counter, whispering, “You want a cool album? It’s a musical about high schoolers with murder, drugs…” She raised an eyebrow. “Even sex. Pretty rebellious, but you didn’t get it from me.”

“Really?” Connie gasped. “I’d love that!”

Lars scowled. “You listen to musicals?”

“Yeah. Sweeney Todd, Little Shop of Horrors, Heathers, there’s a lot of cool stuff. Stop being a jerk, Lars.” Sadie tugged out her phone. “Give me your email address, Connie. I’ll send you the files.”

“Piracy,” Connie whispered in awe. “I can’t believe I’m breaking the law.”

Try as she might, even Sadie couldn’t resist a giggle at that.

Priyanka’s interaction with Connie’s little rebellion was far less pleasant than Doug’s. Despite her attempts to be more understanding, she was still a mother. She still had her limits. Just because she was loosening up didn’t mean Connie could be some wild child, influenced by drugs and music and terrible television. She had dragged Connie all the way to Beach City, just so she could thoroughly scold the gems for whatever influence Steven had on her daughter. They surely couldn’t be okay with Steven listening to this kind of music either.

“You can't give my daughter these things!" Priyanka fumed, shaking the mp3. "I need to speak to one of your guardians, because-" 

"Mom, please!" Connie pleaded. "Just listen!" 

Steven cowered. "But, Dr. Maheswaran -" 

"There's no buts! It's inappropriate material for a thirteen year old!" she snapped. "I don't know what music you all listen to in this house. I'm probably at the wrong place and we should be at Mr. Universe's car wash, but someone needs to answer for this!" 

Garnet emerged from her room, then, strolling calmly to the door. "You want an answer."

"Yes!" She held out the mp3. "Connie has been listening to this on her runs, during the tennis lessons, even alone in her room! I walked in on my daughter rapping, Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me . Do you think that’s appropriate ?" 

"Rage Against the Machine," Garnet said slowly. She looked down at Steven. "What is it?" 

"Garnet, it's metal," Steven whispered.

"Oh." She looked back to Priyanka. "That's not Steven's. He doesn't like metal. It makes him too angry."

"Then how did he know what it was?" Priyanka shot back. 

"I've got friends that like it! Lars, he works at the donut shop. I've listened to his albums, but I never bought any. Like Garnet said, it makes me really angry." He looked nervously to Connie, but she was glaring and nodding along. Once he confirmed that it wasn’t supposed to be a secret, he gestured weakly to the mp3. "I don’t know if she got it from Lars or if she learned about it on her own, but that's Connie's. Not mine."

Connie snapped, snatching the player furiously from her mother’s hand. "Are you happy now? Like I told you, it's mine! I bought it with my birthday money because I like it! Not everything you don't like comes from Steven. There's plenty of stuff you don't like that comes from me! "

Priyanka watched as her daughter stormed down the beach. Her normally rigid form slumped a little. Another fight, another moment where she had somehow hurt her daughter while just trying her best.  "I just can't get any of this teenage stuff right. How do you deal with rebellion?"

"Give them weapons."

"What?"

“I have to go." Garnet turned and left as quickly as she came.

On her eighteenth birthday, Connie went out at twelve a.m., much to her mother’s discontent. Of course, by that point, there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Connie was a legal adult, with a full ride scholarship to college, and living with her parents was more convenience than necessity. By 9:30 a.m., she and her parents had arrived to the small birthday party Steven was throwing for her, with her parents just a touch sulky from the decision she had made earlier that day. Connie had never been a big party person, but this one was special, and the excitement from earlier whisked away any nerves she might have had.

“Hey, Conn- oh my gosh !” Steven rushed to her, picking her up and twirling around as he caught sight of the bandage on her upper arm. “Really?”

“I said I would! Second I turned eighteen.” 

Priyanka rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you give her a kiss, Steven? Let’s see what happens.”

Steven blinked. “What?”

Connie smirked and whispered, “She’s hoping if you heal my tattoo it’ll push the ink out.”

“That won’t happen.” He frowned. “I don’t think it’ll happen.”

“Worst case scenario, you owe me eighty dollars,” she said, and kissed him roughly before he could agree to the risky price of the kiss. Tingles shot down to her arm, healing the dull ache that still lingered from the morning, and she giggled as she pulled back to peer under the bandage. “I’ve got bad news, Mom!”

She sighed. “You’ll have to wear long sleeves to get a decent job, you know.”

The ruckus was enough to bring over the rest of the gems, and a chatter started up as everyone tried to understand and explain the word tattoo to the many baffled gems. Connie laughed nervously as people closed in around her, vaguely claustrophobic and extremely intense. “You kept it a secret, right?” she asked Steven.

“Yeah, just like you asked.” He grinned. “They’re gonna love it.”

Carefully, slowly, she put her hand to the bandage. Here was the big moment of truth. All she had to do was peel it off and… She stopped, her nervous laughter starting up again. “So, uh, just a reminder that this is pretty permanent, but if I messed up it can-”

“No explanation!” Amethyst cut her off. “Show us the tattoo! We’ll love it even if it’s bad.”

Pearl looked tired. “You can’t keep saying that to people.”

“Okay. Here goes nothing.” She grinned nervously, and swiftly tugged the bandage off before she could change her mind.

Peridot screamed. “How did you get a star?”

“It’s amazing, Connie!” Steven grabbed her arm. The star was clear, but not extremely vibrant. The black outline was thin and the inside yellow wasn’t as stark on her dark skin as it would have been on Steven’s, but that was a plus. Her mom was right about one thing - Not every job was going to be tattoo friendly. It was there, but it wasn’t eye catching. It was easy to cover up, but for anyone who wanted to look she could display it prominently. Her very own star, forever emblazoned on her skin, just like the rest of the group around her.

Lapis cocked her head as her fingers rubbed the no longer sore spot. “So it’s there forever? It doesn’t wash off?”

“Nope.” Connie said, cheering up as everyone looked pleased and crowded her. She giggled as head rubs came at her from all sides. “This is my star forever.”

Peridot eyed it suspiciously. “How did you do it? It’s not normal human scarring.”

“A needle gets hooked up to a machine that makes it poke me really fast, and it pumps the ink into the lower layers of my skin that don’t shed away.”

Peridot gawked. “Wouldn’t that hurt?”

“Yeah. It took a whole hour,” Connie said giddily. Peridot looked more impressed than ever.

Bismuth grinned as she patted her head. “You’re not the first meatball to do that, you know. You think you can live up to that legacy?”

“Yes, ma’am!” she said eagerly, looking around her biological and found family. “As long as you’ll have me.”

Amethyst laughed, playfully punching the now healed arm. “Are you kidding me, C? Of course we will. You’re a bonafide rebel.”

Chapter Text

The morning after was quiet and a little strange. They hadn't really expected it to happen at all. They knew sex was on the horizon, and both had been prepared, just in case the moment finally felt right. And they figured it would. They had figured there would be some big romantic todo. But all that happened was that everyone was gone from Steven's house, and they had kissed together on the bed, until suddenly it was sex. And it had been very nice sex. Very caring. A wonderful first time. They laid side by side in Steven's bed, both staring up at the ceiling as they puzzled the night over.

"Okay, like we said last night, everything was really amazing. No regrets." Connie finally rolled on her side to look at him, dimly aware that they were both naked beneath the covers and how absolutely bizarre that was. In the few times they had gotten naked, it was been brief, with a lot of pulling clothes back on afterwards.

"Amazing," Steven agreed, rolling on his side as well. "I'm glad we did it. I'm glad I did it with you."

She took a deep breath, still worried that this would make it all go wrong, and asked, "It was weird, right?"

Instant relief from him, his face breaking out in a huge smile. "It was so weird! It was... So organic?"

"It's like animals!" Connie exclaimed. "It's just like animals. The parts go in the other parts and you move them around until you're done. Like a nature documentary."

"I thought it'd be more magical," Steven agreed. "More romantic? It was romantic. But I thought it'd be like..."

"Like a story.” She sighed dreamily, remembering all the books they had read together, all the erotic fanfiction she had poured over. "Like everything would be intense and overwhelming and we'd sob because we were so in love. But it wasn't. I mean, except for the crying. That part happened. But it wasn’t sobbing? It was just fun. And silly. And kinda..."

"Awkward?" he suggested with a grin. She nodded, blushing. "Yeah, I didn't think we would get swept away in the moment. I thought we'd make some big romantic plan, flower petals everywhere, long dinner, long love confessions. I mean, I hadn’t made any plans yet, but I was making plans to make plans."

She giggled, pushing his shoulder playfully. "How did it happen again? I think I gave a big romantic speech. Do you remember?"

"Hmm…” He pretended to think hard. “I might be paraphrasing since it was so long and pretty, but I think it was something like... 'I wanna if you wanna'."

"Such poetry I came up with on the fly." She laughed. "Brings a tear to my eye."

He watched her laugh, then swept her up in a kiss, giggling himself as she melted into him. She wrapped her arms around him, and they both confirmed they really were naked under the covers. They giggled as they kissed, alone in the beach house, with both of them having indisputably had sex for the first time. Not that they hadn’t technically had sex plenty of times before, but everyone always seemed so strange about which of those things counted. For sure, though, they had had sex last night. It really had happened.

And it really wasn’t a big deal.

He nuzzled her nose and murmured, "Do you feel any different?"

"Not at all," she murmured back. "You?"

"Still me," he said, giving her a squeeze. "They make it sound like it’s everything, but it's just another thing. It's just kind of fun. You know, I don't even think it's the most fun thing we've done with our clothes off."

"Me neither. There's lots of other kinds of sex that's way better.” She cocked her head as she considered that. “But maybe this one just takes some more practice? The other ones weren't great the first time we did it."

He grinned. "Ooh, subtle. Already asking for more?"

She giggled, giving his curls a loving tug before biting her lip. She looked at him like he was everything in the world, and he internally smacked himself for having taken so long to realize what that look had meant. "I'm so glad we can talk like this,” she whispered. “About everything. That we don't have lie and pretend everything's always perfect and magic and romantic. That sometimes it's just..."

"Organic," he said, softly kissing her forehead. "Human. Messy and weird and dumb."

"Yeah." Her hand softly stroked his face. "I love you, Steven. You were perfect. No regrets."

He smiled and mirrored her, agreeing gently, "You were perfect. No regrets."

Chapter Text

Connie had the sniffles when her dad dropped her off at eight in the morning. She came prepared, with a big pack of tissues, and she and Steven had a lovely time with some paper and crayons. They talked for a while about the things children normally talk about, their favorite books and movies and ways they could make their drawings better. Steven took a break for lunch and had a sandwich, but Connie refused, saying she wasn't hungry. She said she would eat a little later.

But, as one o' clock rolled around, Connie only felt worse. She had grabbed Steven’s comforter to curl up under it, but she still felt cold. He started the fireplace, but Connie started to shiver, her teeth chattering, and Steven got more worried with every passing moment. Connie was sick, like in a TV show. When he put his hand to her forehead, just like in a TV show, it was like a toy left out too long in the sun, and he rushed to get the gems. Soon, they were all gathered around with confused concern, mumbling to each other about what to do.

"Why are you all shaky?" Amethyst asked, crouched down on the floor with her. "It's like ninety degrees in here!"

"I think I have a fever," Connie said, teeth clicking too hard between the words from the trembling. Her jaw throbbed from trying to speak. "Do you have some ibuprofen? That could help."

"I'll get it." Garnet nodded to Pearl. "Call her mother."

Steven's little arms did their best to wrap around Connie's blanket, and she shook her head. "Steven, don’t touch me. You're gonna get sick."

"I don't get sick," he said.

She pouted. "Lucky." And another round of tremors had her spasming in his arms as the fever hit. She groaned and grit her teeth, hoping it would end soon. Then Garnet was back with water and pills, while Amethyst watched on with fear starting to show through her face. Pearl got on Connie's phone, and Amethyst scampered to the pale gem's side instead.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Maheswaran," Pearl said, doing her best to sound cheerful. "It seems Connie has become quite ill. We're not quite sure what to do about it."

She listened for a moment, then held the phone out to. Connie. Her shaking hand tugged it back under the comforter, loathe to be out from the warmth even for a moment. "Hello, ma'am." Silence. "Yes, ma'am. Nausea, chills, no thermometer to check for a fever but it feels like one. Steven says my forehead is very hot. Clogged nose. Sore throat. Appetite is gone, but no muscle aches. Um, ma'am? Steven says he doesn't get sick." She looked up at the gems, a little guilty to tell her mom the next bit, then said, "I don't think they know what's happening." More silence, just the sound of her chattering teeth, and then holding the phone out. "Pearl? She wants to talk to you."

She took the phone, Amethyst still clinging to her leg. "Yes, Dr. Maheswaran. This is Pearl."

Her voice was curt, all business when it came to Connie's safety. "I'm assuming this is all new for you?"

"More or less," Pearl confessed guiltily. "Truth be told, we don't interact with humans much. Your methods for curing illness have changed radically over the years. You seem much better at it today, though! Once upon a time you saw a human like this and it was a lost cause." She laughed nervously, and it died as Amethyst whined with fear and stared up at her. Steven looked just as terrified, squeezing Connie tight enough to make her squeak. Pearl put a soothing hand on the shorter gem’s head and corrected, "You're very good at dealing with things now though, aren't you?"

"It's unlikely Connie has influenza without any body aches, but she's had her flu shot regardless. It doesn't kill the way it used to, so you don't have to worry," Priyanka said calmly. "I can't get there until six, and it sounds like Connie is in no position to take herself home. She'll need blankets and heat when she's cold. She'll need cold compresses when she's hot. Try to get her to drink something, whatever she can keep down. Eat too, if she can manage. Keep a trash can nearby."

"A trash can?" Pearl asked with a frown. "For what?"

"In case she vomits. She probably won't be able to make it to the bathroom. It's an involuntary body response."

Pearl's eyes widened. "Oh, dear. Yes, of course. Steven has thrown up a few times. What do you do about that if it's a regular sickness?"

"If she wants, you can hold her hair or rub her back, but Connie doesn't usually like to be touched when she's feeling that way," Priyanka said, and a bit of worry finally seeped into her voice. "She’s very independent. Very capable. I'm sure she'll be fine. It's probably just a nasty cold. She just needs her rest."

Pearl nodded and promised, "She'll be fine. We'll take good care of her."

Priyanka thanked her, just a bit of warmth in the firm woman's voice, and Pearl hung up to explain to the rest of the gems. They rushed to surround Connie with juice boxes and water. Steven explained that soup was what people normally had when they were sick, but the closest thing they had was applesauce, so they stacked some little drinkable bags of those around her as well. She thanked them, forcing down orange juice and applesauce as her tremors finally began to subside. The gems felt very satisfied that they had helped so well.

But a couple hours later Connie was drenched in sweat on the couch, no more chills. Amethyst remembered Priyanka's words first, and filled up a bowl with ice water. She dunked a rag in and put it to Connie's forehead, and the girl hissed and whined, jerking away from the chill. Her eyes shot open. "Too cold. No ice."

"I'm sorry!" Amethyst said. "I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"It's okay," Connie said, smiling a little. "It's the right idea. Just cold from the sink. Thank you."

"I'm really sorry I messed up." Pearl came over with the right temperature bowl, and Amethyst tried again, still looking ashamed. Connie giggled as water dripped down her face from the still soaked towel, and reached up to wipe her head and neck down from sweat. With a tired grin, she whipped it at Amethyst so it landed with a wet slap on her arm. "It's gross now. Can I have another?"

That brought Amethyst's smile back, and Connie wiped herself down from all the sweat she could manage, before flopping back on the couch with a groan. "I hate being sick."

"It doesn't look fun," Garnet agreed.

Steven patted her head, then brought his fingers back with a giggle. "Gross. Even your hair is sweaty. Are you that hot?"

"My insides are too hot," Connie explained. "My body is heating up to burn out the bacteria or viruses or whatever is inside me. It's kind of like being too hot when you go running but it's cold outside."

Steven washed his hand off in the half melted water bowl. Connie’s calm demeanor was suddenly replaced with her scrambling off the couch, a wobbly run to the bathroom and the door slamming behind her. Everyone exchanged a concerned look, before the distinctive sound of vomiting started. Everyone cringed, even Steven, whose iron stomach had still managed to encounter things on occasion that it refused to keep down. They idled around for a few moments, unsure of what to do, until Pearl decided to take action.

Pearl timidly walked to the door, knocking on it gently. "Connie? Would you like someone to come in and help?"

A soft moan. "No. Thank you for the offer, ma'am."

Steven stood beside Pearl. "I could hold your hair back! You've got a lot of it."

"No. I'll clean it if it gets gross," Connie called. "Please leave me alone."

Steven and Pearl looked at each other, a little confused. Steven liked it when someone would rub his back and stay by his side, and his throwing up tended to be a much noisier affair with a lot of groaning and sometimes crying. But Connie said no and it wouldn’t be right to go against her wishes, so they waited nervously outside the door for it to be over. Eventually they heard the sink run, and Connie opened the door, flushing as she saw the two of them pressed against it. She brushed her sweaty hair behind her ears. "Uh... Hello?"

"I wanted to make sure you didn't die," Pearl explained.

"Nope. Still alive." Connie laughed awkwardly. "Feeling better now too. Want to get back on the couch and play a board game or something?"

They did, though Connie started getting chills again halfway through a marathon game of Monopoly (no on ever listened to Connie or Pearl about the Free Parking rules). She still managed to play until she went bankrupt anyway, and was happy to sleepily cheer on Steven until Garnet swooped in for the win. Garnet tended to win in games involving dice. There might have been a bit of future vision advantage going on.

When Priyanka finally came to pick her up, scooping up the middle schooler onto her hip with an impressive amount of strength, she smiled at them all and said, "Thank you so much for taking care of her."

They very politely said it was no trouble at all, but once the two had gone out of sight, the house erupted in cheers and high fives. Yet another mission nailed by the Crystal Gems.

Chapter Text

When Lars talked about girls, there always seemed to be a lot of focus on body parts - body parts Connie would call secondary sex characteristics. At every age it always made him screw up his face a little. Not because he couldn’t appreciate the parts, but because it seemed so hollow. Maybe because Lars wasn’t really in love with the girls he talked about, and he didn’t know them very well, so the only thing he could like were the parts of a girl that stuck out the most. Or maybe that was just the normal way to like a girl. Maybe you weren’t supposed to have your eyes land on someone and then never, ever look away. But that’s how Steven liked Connie.

And he really liked her hands.

The first time they held hands he hadn’t gotten to appreciate it. There was a worm monster trying to eat them, so there wasn’t much time to focus, just a lot of tugging. But they held hands a lot so not long after he got to appreciate that her fingers were long and slender like Pearl’s or Garnet’s, not thick and stout like his and Amethyst’s, and when she mentioned she played the violin, that made sense. Violin was great for long fingers. He liked same sameness in that the tips of their fingers were both a little rough from the fingerings on their instruments.

He started really noticing her hands after they rescue him from plummeting down the endless night sky. He had never imagined she’d be there, her hand firm and steady around his, so everything felt right and safe. He hadn’t thought that long and slender fingers could be as strong as his. He had never thought they could hold so tight. But they did, and they were always there. It didn’t matter if it was to tug him safely away from a swinging sword or help him up when his legs fell asleep from not moving all afternoon. Her hands helped him up.

They got older and her hands only grew more captivating in more dexterous ways. Connie had always been a skilled violinist. He had gone to a few recitals over the years and had been shocked at how the same simple melodies Connie played could make a violin scratch so horribly. Other children’s hands gripped the bow like a club, while Connie’s remained graceful and light. The older she got, the more complex the pieces became, and there was no time to be fascinated with the ease of how her right hand held the bow while her left danced across the strings, shifted up and down in such easy movements. He could barely breathe when she played, could hardly remember to turn the pages for her as she filled the air with Vivaldi.

If only the magic of her fingers stopped there. If only her hands were just dexterous and graceful and she couldn’t hold a sword with all the power of a quartz. If only he hadn’t seen her hands go fist to fist with a Ruby and fling her across the arena. If only her hands weren’t strong enough to grip a Carnelian’s wrist and tug, using the mammoth gem’s weight and her own body as a fulcrum to slam her onto her back. If only he could stop gawking as she played with different weapons, moving through spears and short swords and hammers and daggers with the only constant being the powerful hands that guided them.

When had they gotten so rough and strong? When he held one in his own it left him breathless. He could feel the muscle and power in her hands when she teasingly squished his face, nowadays. He could see it as she gave him a heart attack, free climbing Bismuth’s scaffolding, at times waving down at him with one hand while the other supported her whole weight as it clutched the metal support. Then the rest of her lean muscles, exposed by her tank top, flexed and carried her up higher. He noticed those too. Loving her hands didn’t make him immune to gawking at the rest of her, after all.

But if only he was confined to looking. Why had he ever started touching her so much? If he could go back in time he’d… well, there were actually a lot of things he’d tell his younger self, but somewhere on that list would be instructions to touch Connie Maheswaran way less, because she touched back and it killed him. Because his hands roamed and hers roamed back. He was supposed to endure her prodding at his biceps and shoulders, admiring muscle under softness, because that was the kind of touch they always had. He had to take her heel of her hand brushing up his cheek as she inquired on the status of his beard, and pray she didn’t notice the red on his cheeks.

He could not take her hands in his hair. He couldn’t. It was blissful torture to have her finger comb his messy locks in order. He had to stop sitting in front of her around fifteen years old just to catch a break.

What was worse was that Steven had, at some point in his stupid, stupid past, given her permission to run and tap her lovely fingers across the smooth surface of his gem, because she had always been so curious and he hadn’t seen a reason why not. Her touches ended up filling his stupid brain with a loving fuzziness that purred that only she could touch his gem, because he was hers and she was his, and no one in the whole world could ever be so dearly trusted with his hard but brittle soul. Every time her hand slid across the smooth surface of his gem, accidentally or on purpose, he buzzed with the wonderful feeling of complete trust.

There didn’t seem to be anything she couldn’t do with her hands. Except, maybe, crack her knuckles.

When her joints got stiff from writing and drawing too long, she stretched and flexed. He liked watching all the little ways she would try to loosen up. But she never pushed of stretched quite hard enough to get the pop, and she hated tugging her own fingers. He could never pass up the opportunity to admire her talented hands, especially if he was the one touching them and not the other way around, so he would offer his services. He would push on her knuckles until they popped in a very satisfying way, or pull or bend in the way she couldn’t do herself, and then he’d always take the opportunity to rub her hands, to ease all the tension out of them, because she deserved it and because he loved it.

He kissed her hand, once. It was supposed to be a joke. But he loved her hands too much and his lips lingered on her finger, the one he had long fantasized about sliding a ring onto. As his eyes met hers, everything was dry mouth, belly aching heat - without a single glance towards secondary sex characteristics. He didn’t know what possessed him to speak, his voice cracking weakly, “You have pretty hands.”

“Thanks,” she whispered, her voice just as rough. “You have a pretty voice.”

He had no idea what she was talking about.

Chapter Text

“Connie,” White called sweetly. “I need a Peridot to fix something. Fetch one for me.”

“Sorry. I’m busy,” Connie said, slowly sliding the oiled rag across the blade of her sword. “You’ll have to ask someone else.”

Pearl gasped, and when Connie followed her gaze to the towering woman above them all, she was met with a glare. White’s eyes were narrowed, but her mouth was smiling wide as ever, making the hair on the back of Connie’s neck prickle. She didn’t like White Diamond, not one bit, but that wasn’t something she could exactly say out loud. She struggled to tolerate the gem speaking. “I asked you to do it because you weren’t doing anything relevant to the construction of Little Homeworld, which you’re all supposed to be working on. Diamond’s orders, if you’ll recall.”

Connie rolled her eyes and patted herself down, looking herself over. Her legs, her shoulders, her stomach, her face. Everything received a few quick pats before Connie shrugged back up at the towering dictator. “No gem. Looks like you’re not my Diamond.”

There was an ecstatic whisper of, “Oh my stars!” from behind her in the forge, and Connie giggled as she turned to Bismuth’s starry eyed expression. Bismuth was always such an eager revolutionary, it made sense that even a small snarky comment would get that reaction out of her. And then she kept turning, and there were so many eyes, so many whispers from gathered gems. The giggles faded away under the weight of them, her muscles starting to tighten and ache as adrenaline dumped into her system with nowhere to go.

Then Steven was there, his hand in hers as he smiled. “Hey.”

She squeezed back, relief flooding in. “Hey.”

Flustered, White Diamond said, “I’ll remind you that this is our colony.”

Connie’s eyes snapped up to hers. Ah. There was where the adrenaline went. Connie made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a growl, “Oh, is it?”

“It is.” She sniffed, though her eyes didn’t look wet at all. “It was darling Pink’s.”

“No,” Connie said coolly, letting go of Steven’s hand to cross her arms. “It was not. Humans already lived here.”

White bristled. “What did you say to me?”

“I said no, and I’ll say it again,” she said fiercely, glaring up at the bully. There was nothing to fear with Steven there. They could take anything together, and Steven would have her back no mattr what. She let loose, scolding White in front of all of Little Homeworld, and fear no retribution. “No to getting you a Peridot. No to this being your colony. No to any gems owning this planet at all at any point in our history. This land is owned by the Delmarva state government - which you are illegally building on, by the way - and it’s not your jurisdiction. I’m not a gem. You’re not my elected official. I’m not following your orders.”

White’s nose wrinkled distastefully. “You know an awful lot of words for something so small. Didn’t gems teach your kind to speak?”

Connie smiled. “Maybe. How about we trade? I’ll teach you ethics.”

White gasped and as the chatter began from the gems - much louder than whispers now. Steven laughed, borderlining on nervous hysterics, “Oh boy! Okay. Let’s calm down.” He turned his back to White, facing Connie with a delighted sparkle in his eyes. He mouthed, “So cool!” before turning back to the ruler.

“Steven!” White cried. “Did you hear what she said to me?”

“Yes,” he said slowly. “But you weren’t being very nice to her, were you?”

White glared back at Beach City. “She’s dishonoring your mother’s memory. She saved this planet from being fully colonized.”

“Mom’s the reason it was partly colonized in the first place,” Steven said patiently. “I… You know what? No. I’m not doing this again. Connie, come here.”

She blinked as he motioned her forward, but came to stand alongside him. He gestured to her. “White Diamond, this is Connie Maheswaran. Think of her as the first diplomat of Earth. If you treat her respectfully, she’ll do the same to you. If you don’t, she’ll do the same to you. You should talk with her about this.”

“Why me?” the human girl whispered, feeling her face flush. “Steven, everyone’s staring.”

He ignored her, putting his arms over her shoulder with a comforting smile that made everything feel a little safer. “You’ve got this,” he said, before looking back up at White. “Connie is completely human. She’s not even part gem. Her family has been on earth ever since before they were even humans. This is her home. She represents the humans who own it. If you don’t learn to respect her, you’ll never understand what we’re doing here. Let’s try this again.”

White looked down on her, tall and terrifying, and did her best to make Connie feel small. But Connie had climbed her robot, and Connie had fought her puppets, and Connie had laughed as her titanic fists beat against the floor. Her size was just an illusion, and her true form was the gem embedded in her forehead, small enough to be carried in her hands. Brittle enough to be shattered with just the right blow. She rolled her shoulders back, stood firm, and said, “This is my planet. It’s my home. You’re a guest, and you’ll respect the humans here.”

White Diamond had a lot to say about that, but her words were nothing more than the blustering wind of a long passed storm.

Chapter Text

Connie actually thought his voice was pretty silly when she first met him. She got the impression of a little boy trying to make himself sound more grown up. Not that she would ever say that - it was very rude to insult someone’s laugh or smile or voice, because it made them nervous to show it off. So Connie was very quiet about his voice and simply took note that, over time, it stopped sounding like he was straining low. Maybe he was more confident, or maybe he was growing a little. There was never any way to know with Steven. She just had to roll with it.

Later, when she discovered there was a chance he might not be growing at all, she came to terms with it. She would love him no matter what. If his voice never dropped and he was a cute eight year old forever, that was fine. Besides, part of her kind of didn’t want his voice to change - it made her too happy. She couldn’t imagine losing the sound of pure joy in the way he shouted her name when he was happy to see her. And how could a deep voice ever be so funny compared to Steven’s silly pretend adult voice? How could a grown up voice ever be such a riot as the squeaking cute voice he used for cute video game characters?

And he sang to her violin! Connie loved that most of all. She could move her fingers all along her E string and Steven could sing along. Adult men couldn’t do that kind of thing, she was pretty sure. They lost the ability to hit the high notes, and she loved the high notes. His voice was so pretty and sweet and pure, and he poured his heart into his songs. She loved to listen to him sing about everything from the beauty of their planet to his fears about the future to what he had for breakfast. She loved to hear him giggle and laugh, so perfectly suited to his cheery voice. She loved how silly he sounded when he tried to growl.

The first day his voice cracked, it had happened in the middle of a song. He had stopped singing straight away, too embarrassed to continue. She had gone home and cried on her bed like the dumb little baby she was. Connie was happy he was growing up. So what if his voice changed? He’d still sound like Steven, just a little deeper. So why was she crying? She wasn’t really losing anything and he was so happy to be growing. She was so selfish, so stupid. So what if he couldn’t hit high notes? So what if a deeper voice wouldn’t be so cute? He couldn’t be a kid forever. She didn’t want him to be. It was stupid and she hated it and Steven always made her feel like she was out of her mind.

Her mother found her and they talked, and she soothed Connie, “Change means you lose something, but it can mean you get something too. He loses some high notes, but you’ll get some low notes. New songs to sing. And maybe he won’t sound so cute, but he’ll sound…” She sighed as she searched for a word, her expression looking just a little pained like it so often did in talks about Steven. “Masculine. Grown up. You could like the change, Connie.”

“I like that he’s getting taller and bigger,” Connie said, trying to look on the bright side.

Her mother cringed away from that knowledge for some reason. “Wonderful. We can deal with all of these wonderful changes. You remember the open door rule, right?”

Connie was still worried about it, but she kept those fears far away from Steven. He was having a hard enough time growing up so fast without her bothering him. She never laughed (or cried) at his awful sounding voice cracks. She never pushed him to sing, though the fact that he was too self-conscious to sing in front of her cut her to her core. He didn’t sing in front of anyone. He didn’t like talking too much, but he did talk to her sometimes. She was grateful for the privilege. She made him tea with honey and she talked a lot so he didn’t have to.

When his voice finally settled, it was smokier than she thought it would be, a hint of scratchiness she had thought was just a part of the strain of his growing vocal chords. But, no. It was there to stay. Deeper. A low hum. As much as she had dreaded it, she hasn’t thought much about how men’s voices sounded. They were nice. His voice was nice. It fit his body better than his old voice, that was for sure. Obviously a boy as big as Steven would have a deeper voice, one that rumbled through his broad chest, that she could feel buzzing against her when he hummed as they hugged. She liked that, actually. That was nice.

And he didn’t have that same squealing “Connie!” when he was excited to see her. Not that he couldn’t reach that high - he was surprisingly good at the high notes, though he had lost a few - but he didn’t really squeal when he was happy to see her anymore. He said her name, low and soft and sweet, and that did something to her belly. Butterflies. Oh gosh. That didn’t make any sense at all, how he could purr her name and - no, not purr. He wasn’t purring. That was a silly fanfiction word that didn’t apply to a real person, no matter how his voice spoke slow and gentle later at night when they were all alone.

When they spoke alone, it was still Steven. Steven that made her stomach fluttery and her heart a bit poundy for some reason, but Steven. He had a way of talking that could make a person feel special, and when he talked to her she felt like she was his favorite person. That was very silly, because he had so many amazing people in his life, but he still made her feel that way. He always spoke with such sincerity, such compassion, his heart fully on his sleeve that it was impossible to look away. Impossible to stop listening. His voice was deeper now - the emotions ran deeper too.

He started singing again. She did cry in front of him that time. Just a couple of relieved, joyful tears as his fingers strummed across the guitar, and his new, deeper voice mingled with the smooth, rich sound of the larger instrument. He sang a song about change and how hard it was and how he wished the world would slow, and at the end he leaned close and whispered, “Don’t tell the gems about this one, okay?” She promised she wouldn’t, and asked for another song, somehow keeping herself from begging. Her whole heart hung on the sound of his voice in the air, on the words he told her and no one else. The promise, the assurance that was was truly seen when she was with him.

But when she was with him, something odd was happening. The butterflies were getting worse with every passing day, but he was Steven. Things should not have been all rolling heat in her stomach, breath sucked from her lungs as his strong fingers rubbed her hands, speaking idly about how she needed to take a break, how she had to take care of herself. He quirked an eyebrow, looking all confident and teasing and maybe even flirty (oh, by the stars, they didn’t flirt!) as he purred, “Perhaps my knight needs a knight of her own?”

He kissed her hand, lips blistering hot and lingering on her ring finger. His voice was rough, a quality to the creakiness that only made the butterflies flutter harder. “You have pretty hands.”

What an odd thing to say. She had long, gangly hands that were rougher than any girl’s she’d ever met.

But it was a compliment. Connie tried to respond, cringing at her own voice and it’s awful, wobbly crack. “Thanks. You have a pretty voice.”

Chapter Text

Blue and Yellow Diamond didn’t like Connie’s lack of response to their powers. Or, rather, they found it fascinating. She’d been invisible to them once and as frustrating as that might have been, she preferred it to the calculating fascination in Yellow’s eyes, and the keen interest on Blue’s face. They were having her “show off” her organic powers by walking through a few light screens that were impassible by gems, and caused Steven to light up with yellow cracks and giggle, “It tickles.” Same reaction from the both to the destabilizer they prodded each other with, though Connie got quite the kick out of making him squeal and was able to forget the giant women looming over them for a bit.

And then they’d been separated, and she was encased in blue light. She could see the way the room had changed, could see the magic around her like the shadow of an ocean, but if there was an emotion she was supposed to be feeling, it wasn’t happening. Blue’s titanic form knelt before her, gazing keenly into her face. Connie didn’t hate Blue or Yellow, she supposed. They had been trying their best to be better people. But just because you didn’t hate someone didn’t mean you liked them, and Connie found herself in that weird in-between place as Blue approached.

“No tears at all. How interesting,” her sweet voice murmured. “What do you feel?”

Connie shrugged. She’d been on the receiving end on Blue’s sadness blast several times before, and not once had she even felt the smallest drop of misery. “Nothing. Or, normal, I guess.”

“Are you capable of sadness?”

She bristled, fists balling up at her side. “Of course I am! I feel all the same stuff you do! Your powers just don’t work on me.”

“You have emotions, but I can’t affect them. We always just assumed organics couldn’t feel.” She leaned back finally, her intense gaze a weight of Connie’s shoulder as it finally shifted away. She laughed up delightedly at Yellow. “Strange little things, aren’t they? Who would have thought all that fleshy matter could feel?”

And just because she didn’t hate the Diamonds all the time didn’t mean she couldn’t have moments of hatred. She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, I feel a lot.”

“Okay!” Steven giggled nervously, his hands coming reassuringly to her arm. He gave her bicep a squeeze with both hands, a reminder to hold her tongue before she said something she regretted. “I think we experimented on Connie enough. We’re gonna go back to Earth, and we’ll see you guys another time.”

“I want to see her reaction to a direct hit from me,” Yellow said.

“No!” Steven shouted, his body positioned in front of hers in an instant. Connie frowned a little. Yellow hadn’t even aimed, and hadn’t he just silently asked her to keep quiet. Why did he get to speak? “What if you hurt her?”

Yellow shrugged. “She’ll reform.”

“Oh, no,” Blue said before Connie could speak. “Yellow, the human will just shatter.”

“How inefficient. Can’t the human reform from some part of herself?”

“You can’t-” Steven started.

Connie shouted, throwing her arms up over her head to be noticed. “The human is right here!” The chatter stopped as she glared at them, all three of them. “And the human would be happy to try out Yellow’s powers, as long as she can start it really weak. I’ll tell you if it starts to hurt or something.”

Steven looked back, squeezing her arm again. “Connie, it’s dangerous.”

“Is it?” she asked, a little ball of fury simmering in her chest as she pushed off his hand. “Because this is probably the first time I’ve ever been in less danger than you. I don’t feel anything. You say it tickles. I don’t think I’m in trouble.” He didn’t argue with her, and she sighed as the anger slipped away, replaced with a bit of guilt for snapping. She apologized for her tone, and he said it was fine, and she shoved out her hand to the titanic figure who was already kneeling down before her, extending a deadly hand of her own. “Try it.”

A single yellow finger, cool to the touch, brushed against her hand. Yellow magic leapt out, crackling and sparkling and even at her weakest Connie guessed that this was stronger than a destabilizer - not that she could tell. She looked down at her hands, seeing yellow light skitter across her skin only to find no purchase. Maybe, if she focused hard, she could feel something, like the legs of a fly right before it rushed away, but it could have been an illusion from her own mind. Connie looked up at the calculating face and shrugged. “Just like everything else. Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Yellow’s brows furrowed. “And now?”

There was nothing for quite a while, the magic getting brighter as Yellow pumped more power into her attack. Steven and Blue leapt back as Yellow’s power flared out wider and wider, and Connie looked at them curiously. This really was something to be afraid of it even Blue scampered away, but she still could only feel the barest whispers of a sensation. Finally, Connie’s face wrinkled up with a little squeal, stamping her feet. Not quite tickling, but an obnoxious feeling halfway between that and an electric shock. It rippled under her skin, from her hands to her feet the the maddening spaces inside her nose and ears and mouth.

“Okay! That’s really annoying!” She giggled and waved her hands. “Cut it out!”

The feeling stops, and Yellow looks just a little impressed. “That was annoying? A full, sustained blast?”

Connie pinched her nose and rubbed her ears and even grabbed her shirt, rubbing at the roof of her mouth as she tried to ease the feeling away. She suspected that she may have gotten a heavier hit than Steven walking through walls, but the boy did seem to like strange sensations. Maybe he just didn’t mind it the way she did. She shook her head and made at face at him. “Steven, you said it tickles!”

He giggled. “It does.”

“It was in my nose.”

“I didn’t say where it tickled,” he said.

Connie was interrogated more, and she answered every question she could, but there was really only so many ways she could say that she hadn’t felt much, or she hadn’t felt pain, and asserting over and over again that she could feel pain and she could feel sadness, and - well, no, she had no idea if her mind could be controlled and leave her body as a puppet, humans hadn’t tried that before. But she asserted that she could be stabbed and beaten and bruised and broken, and squeezed Steven’s hand to reassure him as the questions grew more distressing in that vein.

By the end, she still wasn’t sure that the Diamonds respected her as a person, but they were interested. That was a start.

Chapter Text

“I don’t know how to do this without being weird,” the girl said, and Connie stood there, trying not to stare anymore than she already had. Her skin was deep brown, darker than Connie’s, with a more muscled figure that came from aesthetic weightlifting. Her bikini was a burning, bright red that drew attention to the few places that were still covered. She bit her lip, full and soft. “You’re really cute and I love the whole tomboy thing. Are you two together, or do I have a shot with you?”

“Is that…I…” Connie gulped. She wasn’t supposed to stare, right? But the girl probably wanted her to look. Smooth skin and toned muscle and a pretty face and she had a boyfriend. That was how sh got out of this awkwardness! She grabbed his arm. “Yes! Steven and I are together. Him. Steven. He’s my guy.”

“My guy? That’s a new one,” he mumbled to himself.

“Ah, shit.” She laughed, smacking her forehead. “Sorry. Just my luck. My gaydar is trash this trip!”

“Nah, Connie likes girls too.” Steven gave her cheek a hard kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist, smiling at the girl she had been talking to. “But we’re not poly, sorry. Thanks for being so nice about it, though!”

She clicked her tongue and pointed. “Hell yeah. I knew you were checking me out. Got that going for me. Sorry to bother you two!”

The girl left, and Connie immediately turned to Steven in horror. “I froze up and looked like an idiot. Why did I freeze up?”

“Social anxiety?” He nuzzled her neck, as usual not caring in the slightest how many people were around to witness his public affection. “I remember from the first time we fused. No fun at all.”

“I’m sorry!” she said with a cringe. “I wasn’t checking her out! I was-”

“Connie, I don’t care that you check out other people, but I don’t want you to lie about it, okay?” He grinned as he turned her to face him. “I love you. I trust you. Loads of people find other people attractive. That's not cheating. Just don’t lie to me and it won't be a big deal.”

She swallowed. “You’re not… not jealous? You’re not scared I’m going to change my mind?”

“You’re just looking. Mom dated other people while she dated Pearl. Sadie looks at guys even though she’s with Shep. It’s totally normal.” He laughed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Just, uh, we need to have a talk if you want to date other people.”

“No! I’m happy just with you!” She beamed. “I just can’t help looking sometimes.”

Steven ruffled her hair. “That’s fine. I’m just going to tease you about it until we die.”

She blinked. “What.”

“Well, I don’t really like checking other people out. This is one of the few times I can make fun of you for something you can’t get me back for.” He laughed.

“What? But what do you get out of it?”

He poked both her cheeks at once, smooshing them together to give her a fish face. “Cute blushy Connie face. The best prize.”

“Oh! You’re joking.”

“Nope!” He smirked and put his hands into his pockets, turning away from her and strolling off towards the boardwalk. “Do you think your brain is always going to meltdown when we see a hot person?”

“No!” she gasped. “Oh my gosh, Steven, you can’t do this to me! This is so unfair!”

“Very unfair.” He agreed. “Let’s go get a few pastries so I can embarrass you in front of our friends.”

She laughed, grabbing onto his arms as he dragged her heels through the sand. “No! I’m dating a monster!”

By the time they reached Lars’ shop, she was up on his back, growling as she pretended to try to take him down. She could have flipped him. She was slightly taller even now, and if her feet were on the ground leverage was easy. But it was much more fun to climb around her tank of a boyfriend whose infinite core strength meant he didn’t even wobble at she clambered on top of him like a giant playground. Though, she was quite pleased to see the little glow from his gem that indicated magic strength was at play.

“No wrestling!” Lars shouted. “All feet on the ground, no matter how many you have! This is why I spend most of my time in space, Steven.”

“Hey, Lars,” Steven grinned and Connie slipped off his back. “Two ube buns, please.”

“One bun,” she corrected.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Already trying to get me to share. Didn’t we just talk about this?”

“What-Oh!” She blushed, pushing him lightly. “You’re the worst! I just meant I don’t want a bun!”

“And now you’re lying to me. I saw your eyes. I know you wanted that bun.”

“This is an awful metaphor,” she groaned, burying her face against his back. Then, inspired, gave his sides a quick ticklish pinch.

He squealed and jumped, grabbing her hands. “One ube bun for me, Lars.”

He looked at them flatly. “You two were easier to deal with as best friends. Can’t you just permafuse into Stevonnie?”

“I’ll start climbing him, Lars!” Connie threatened, lifting one leg slowly into the air. “I’m half off the ground already!”

“Feet down! I’ll get it!” He grumbled.

Steven grinned. “Lars is the best.”

“If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?” Connie taunted eagerly. Steven doubled over with giggles, and Connie giggled as well, covering her face. “Let’s pretend I didn’t say that.”

“No. I’m going to remember that forever.” He grinned, looking down at her and poking a cheek. “Cute embarrassed Connie face.”

“You could have mercy, you know. Isn’t that kind of your thing?” She pouted.

He smirked. “You don’t deserve mercy.”

“Steven!” She gasped.

“You’re the worst villain I’ve ever faced,” he continued. “You steal my shirts-”

“Borrow,” she said. “Because they smell like you. It’s a compliment.”

“You used my guitar lessons to sing songs about serial killers.”

“I wanted to show off for Sadie and her partner! And they loved it!” she protested.

“I once watched you whip and eat an entire cup of heavy cream.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you dare go into food crimes, Steven. I’ve watched you dip cheese puffs in mayonnaise.”

Lars stared at them, holding out the bag. “You can have this for free if you leave right now.”

“You’re the best, Lars!” Connie beamed.

“If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?”

Connie covered her face, groaning and giggling. “You’re so lucky I love you.”

“Sure am.”

Chapter Text

Connie remembered the feel of her father’s arms holding her close, the comforting warmth of him at her back as they sat down on the couch and watched cartoons. Anime, to be precise.  Before she could read, she was watching the dub of Sailor Moon while Doug patiently tugged her away from her lips, too awestruck by the magic to remember that she was supposed to be a big girl who didn’t put her fingers in her mouth.

Once she could read, Doug started putting on subtitled shows. Connie remembered her eyes frantically flicking across the screen, struggling to read and watch the show at the same time. Even then, she was too determined to ask him to pause. Her tiny body would be stiff after watching for a few hours, from keeping very muscle still as all her attention focused on the words on the screen. He made her a good reader with that, and his eyes shone with pride when she begged him to buy her big kid fantasy books.

Her mother was surprised and a little impressed that Connie picked up some Japanse, while her father looked smug and set up more episodes of Dragonball Z. She loved laying down with her head in his lap, one of his hands on her back, as they watched the shows he loved so much. He gushed about his favorite scenes, about the people who worked on different scenes. He taught her about censorship, why the American versions were so different sometimes. He taught her about production, the hours and hours of work that went into every scene, and that only made it more magical.

He bought art books, and they laid on the floor together as they took turns reading out loud, gasping about character designed and discussing the words from the creators. Her dad was goofy but he loved a lot of things. He loved talking to her most of all. She never had any luck making friends, but it wasn’t too bad with her funny dad around.

At sixteen, riding in the car with him from the grocery store, she thought about all those nights. They had been really happy, hadn’t they? Her hands trembled a little in her lap as she tried to remember the man who hugged her close and talked about his favorite Sailor Scouts, and not the man who told her she was so brilliant she’d be really successful someday. The man who said a mind like hers would never go to waste. The man who constantly said that she was as strong and smart and cool as her doctor mother.

“Hey, Dad?” she asked.

“What’s up?”

She took a deep breath. “Do you think it’d be okay if I wanted to go to an art school?”

Silence took over the car, everything stiff and nervewracking. His fingers drummed softly on the wheel. “You’re thinking about animation?”

“I’ve been posting fan art online. Some original stuff. It’s been getting noticed.” She swallowed. College prep, yes. And lots of numbers and figures and facts… and also building a portfolio. Just in case. “I might be good at it. Good enough to get accepted somewhere nice and get a job someday.”

Another pause, then he laughed, releasing the tension. Her dad was smiling, bright as ever, none of the disappointment she dreaded on his face.  “Connie, you should do what you love to do. And if what you love is cartoons, then make cartoons. I’ll handle your mother.”

She felt her eyes sting with relief. “You’re not mad?”

“No way. How could I be?” He grinned, looking away from the road as they came to a stop at a red light. “With all that cool sword fighting and world-saving, it’s nice to see you got something from dear old dad."

Chapter Text

The pounding at the door made Steven yell, tumbling out of bed. Pearl was there (they really needed to have a talk about her watching him sleep) and her spear was drawn as they raced to the door in the pale dawn light. Thankfully, there was no monster at the door, only Connie, fiddling with the glasses she wore in the front of her shirt. He beamed at the sight of her. “Connie! What are you doing here? Don't you have school?”

“Yes,” she croaked, her voice barely even audible. She held out a juice box. “Here. Drink some. I really need some healing.”

His eyes widened. “You’re sick?”

“I have a presentation,” she rasped. “I stayed up all night practicing so I wouldn’t get stage fright and I lost my voice. I thought your magic backwash might fix it.”

Pearl shuddered as she looked back and forth between the two kids, dreading the shared spit as Steven begin unwrapping the juice box for them. “That seems so unsanitary. There has to be a better way.”

“I guess I could go get a syringe. Inject Steven spit right into my veins.” Connie grinned and held out her arm, faking a shot into the crook of her elbow.

Steven giggled. “Gross.”

"Why don’t you two just kiss?" Pearl said, her nose still wrinkled up in disgust. "That's so much cleaner than all this juice sharing.”

Connie went red, her voice squeaking as she shook her head hard. “Th-that won’t be necessary, ma’am. I'd rather just share a juice box.”

“One magic backwash, coming right up!” Steven’s voice cracked as he took a long sip and handed it over, doing his best to pack in a healing punch.

She chugged it, then sighed, voice smooth as ever before. “Yeah, That did it. Thanks, Steven.”

She rushed to Lion, waiting just beyond the porch, and portaled herself to school. Steven whirled on Pearl the second she was out of his sight. His little voice squeaked with humiliated outrage. “Are you crazy? You can’t just say that I should kiss Connie!”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “You kiss your dad all the time. And me. And Amethyst and Garnet.”

“That’s family! Not Connie!" he cried. "She’s going to think I like her!”

“I thought you did like her.”

He choked, looking back where Connie had been though she was long gone. “She'll think I like her like a girlfriend, Pearl!”

“You don't like her romantically?” She looked at his flushed face and laughed to herself. “Oh, this is a secret, isn’t it? I’m sorry, Steven. I won’t suggest you kiss her again.”

“Thank you.” He sighed, finally relaxing.

She grinned. “Unless you’d like some advice on how to sweep her off her feet. You know I’ve had my fair share of-”

“Pearl!”

——————————

"I thought about being Catra for Halloween." Connie grinned and winked. "If we can fuse for the costume."

"You could just wear the costume on your own," Steven pointed out.

"And rob Stevonnie of outfits?" she gasped.

"True." He hummed as they watched commercials roll by from their comfy spot on his comforter. "But I don't know if we're going to be able to stay together if you see an Adora."

Connie raised an eyebrow. "Are you accusing me of being so romantically into a cartoon character that I'll break Stevonnie?"

He grinned, looking up at the ceiling. "Well..."

"You think that I'm such a bisexual disaster that I can't control myself?" She sat up, bouncing on his bed with the happiest expression on her face, humor already making her stomach clench with restained joy. "Joke's on you, Mr. Universe, because my feelings for this fictional character are one hundred percent platonic!"

He giggled. "You have the biggest smile right now, Connie."

"Oh, you want me to be serious? Okay." She composed herself with a deep breath. Her hand waved down her face, smoothing her features into stony seriousness before she turned back to him and lied her heart out. "There's nothing gay about wanting to be friends with an eight-foot buff woman. Nothing romantic at all about fantasizing about her extending her hand to me after my village has been destroyed and asking me to join her rebellion."

"So far, so friendly," Steven agreed.

"What could possibly be gay about me trying to get to know her better so I follow her around all day so she starts to miss me when I'm not around?" Steven barely smothered a laugh, while Connie continued on. She looked away so his smiling face wouldn't break her. "What could be considered romantic about sitting down to a candlelit dinner and talking about our futures together once we defeat her evil ex-girlfriend?"

Steven choked on another chuckle again. "Okay, I think you might be getting a little romantic."

"Oh, am I, Steven? Is it a romantic fantasy when I think about how beautiful she'd look on her throne, holding the key to the world and my heart?" She barely managed to keep from smiling as Steven broke, curling up with laughter as their show cam back on, far too distracted to notice. "Is it gay that she tells me I've fought admirably in combat and was a true friend off the battlefield and she wants to live by my side forever?"

Steven squeaked through his laughter, "Little bit, Connie."

"Is it gay that I want her to lift me in her powerful Amazon arms and carry me..." Connie stopped taking a deep breath to control the giggles that threatened to bubble out. "Carry me over the threshold of our home? That she built for us?" Her voice creaked with laughter, squeaking as she barely forced the words out, "On our quiet maple farm? Is that gay, Steven? What part?"

He shook his head, barely breathing. "I'm so sorry. Just gals being pals."

"Just gals being pals, Steven!"

———————————————————————

"My Stevosaurus," Connie said, laying dramatically on the dining room table. "Stevosaurus rex, if you will. As you are, technically, worthy of the title of king."

Amethyst stared. It had been roughly two minutes since she entered the kitchen, watching Steven do his best to clean and Connie shout odd variations of his name, laying on her side on the dining room table with all the confidence and poise necessary when screaming words as ridiculous as 'Stevosaurus'. The purple gem shook her head between the two of them, then asked Steven: "When does this stop?"

"When Stevo answers!" Connie declared, pointing dramatically. "Steven! Stevon! SteVAN UniversAL!"

Steven grinned at Amethyst, pointedly not looking at his girlfriend. "Do you need something, Ame?"

"Treason!" Connie gasped.

“Just wondering why Connie was saying your name weird. But, uh, guess that’s answered?”

“If only Stevven would answer me,” Connie said longingly. She rolled onto her belly and propped her chin up in her hands. “My Steffan. Stevezilla when he’s angry.”

Amethyst snorted. “Are you having fun?”

“His will has gotten so much stronger. Years ago I only had to say his name three or four different ways before he’d cave.” Connie looked sadly out the window, imagining a much easier past, then nodded to herself with a much more determined look. “But I know I can get Steeben to pay attention to me. One day, my darling Stebben will look my way.”

“Have you been doing this for long?”

“It’s been about ten minutes,” Steven said, scrub brush swirling around a pot.

“I thought he was a Stevammon Roll, but he’s actually really mean,” she said, so delighted with her own joke her faux seriousness broke into a beam.

He snorted, shaking his head. “The first five minutes was just my name at different pitches. It started getting weird around the time she got up on the table.”

“What’s up, Ste-man?” Connie said, attempting to drop her voice in an Amethyst impression. She laughed at herself, waving her hands frantically in front of her face. “Oh my gosh, that was awful. Pretend that didn't happen.”

Amethyst giggled. “Do Pearl!”

Connie sat rigidly upright, delicately crossing one leg across the other. “Steven, are you ignoring me? Is that how we raised you?”

“Garnet!”

Connie uncrossed her legs, her expression going flat at she adjusted an imaginary visor. “Steven, you need to look at me.”

“You two are such dorks,” Amethyst laughed and ruffled her hair before heading back into the temple. “Have fun.”

She took a deep breath, "My friend, my compatriot, my Stev-minus-onnie-"

"Okay!" he cried, setting down the last dish with a laugh. "You have my full attention! What is it?"

Connie grinned, looking completely lovestruck as she rested her elbows on her knees. "We're dating now."

"And?" he giggled.

She shrugged and kept her dopey smile. "That's all. I love you."

Chapter Text

Connie liked practicing with Pearl, despite the fact that, at sixteen, she so rarely needed to pull her sword. Often it felt more like a sport nowadays, like fencing practice, without saving the world hanging over their heads. Pearl and Connie moved slowly through forms in the arena, both checking each other's stance in the easy warm-up. It was rare for Pearl to fall out of stance. Everything she did was prim and precise. She lacked Connie’s creativity in sparring, which leveled the field, but in warm-ups Pearl was perfect, and Connie felt the weight of it.

It didn’t help that Pearl loved to talk in their warm-ups. Especially about her favorite topic - Steven. "You've kissed him on the cheek. I don’t see why you simply can’t continue that progress."

"A friendly kiss goodbye!" the girl insisted. Pearl never seemed to understand this, any of this, despite the fact that Connie had drawn the comparison to Rose Quartz countless times. But Pearl always countered that there was a caste system between them, centuries of divide, whereas Connie and Steven were on equal footing. Connie could not make Pearl understand they were not on equal footing, no matter what she tried. "There's no way he thought of it as anything other than a friendly kiss. That's why I did it."

"But you managed to do it," Pearl insisted.

"I planned it for a week, and I still almost couldn’t do it." Connie groaned., remembering the balled up papers in the trash from her struggles on how to try to kiss him, what to say, when the perfect moment would be. And, in the end, she had decided on right before she left for space camp - where there was no chance they could have a long talk about it and a great chance Steven would forget it ever happened before she came back. It was a wonderful bonus that Spinel ruined everything so thoroughly Connie was sure Steven immediately forgot she had done it.

"But you did do it. So from there, it's easy to take the next step." Their blades locked down to the hilts as Connie made a mistake, her sword tilted so Pearl’s slid down instead of bouncing off. A dangerous mistake. Pearl didn’t make those kinds of mistakes. The gem was smiling at her. "Just ask him out for a date."

Connie looked away, lips pursed. "Can't."

"Eyes on me. And you can. Nothing is stopping you."

Their swords unlocked as they got back into position, and went back to trading the easy strikes and blocks. Pearl’s positioning was still so much better than hers. Connie felt her chest start to ache, tried to think of some way to change the topic, and failed miserably. She went back to meekly countering Pearl’s argument. "There are lots of things stopping me. It's really scary. He could say no. Lion could shove me out of the way. It's really scary. He could literally actually rather kiss the earth than me because I'm just a-"

The sword flew out of her hands as Pearl twisted and twirled her own rapier, shocking Connie from the suddenness of it. Pearl's sword tapped her lightly on the head, her expression full of worry now, her voice lightly scolding. "I don't know how you were planning to end that sentence precisely, but I refuse to hear it. You are not just a anything."

"Yes, ma'am." She rushed off to retrieved her sword, head ducked slightly, and came back to the blocks and strikes. "It's still really scary."

"That does seem to be your primary concern," Pearl said, quirking an eyebrow. "You're aware that you've faced gems and gem monsters that could have killed you at any moment?"

"Is there a way I can fight one of those and win a date with Steven?" she asked, eyes lighting up. She had imagined plenty of those kinds of fights. Oh, if only one of the times they had fought gem monsters Steven had been so impressed and so grateful he just confessed and she could stop worrying about this weird limbo they had fallen into. She babbled eagerly as her blows fell a little harder than necessary for practice, not that Pearl noticed. Pearl was so much sturdier than she was like all gems were. "You could set up a competition! And then, obviously, I'd have to compete because I'd hate for him to have to go on a date with someone he didn't like. But as long as I win there's no good reason not to go out anyway."

"Yet another lovely story, Connie, but one entirely impractical to your daily life." Pearl sighed, and the disappointment in it sliced at Connie. "Have you ever noticed how many of these stories you tell take the control completely out of your hands? You simply have to kiss or go on a date. It happens to you because the world has pushed you together, not due to your own initiative or choices."

"Yes!" she said eagerly, glad to take the distraction from the reminder that Pearl had been disappointed in her, even for an instant. "That's perfect. I would love it if it just happened and I didn't have to do it. Can you make it happen?"

Pearl laughed, oh thank goodness. Her teacher couldn’t be too disappointed, then. "No! You have to do it yourself."

"Or Steven could do it," Connie mumbled, hitting Pearl’s sword hard enough her own sword bounced back. She winced and tried to control herself. "Maybe the fact that he hasn't done it means he doesn't want to. If he wanted to, he would've done it by now. It's been years."

"Or he could be in the same place you are now."

Connie frowned. That was ridiculous. "He's Steven. Performs at Beachapalooza Steven! Opens his heart to everyone he meets Steven! I can feel how confident he is when we're Stevonnie! I know that he's... But we're..." He was Steven. Pink Diamond Steven. He convinced Lapis to bring back the ocean and made Peridot good and he bubbled the Cluster and he never shattered and he barely poofed and he had his wonderful, wonderful shield so he could protect people and make the world better and all she had was her stupid sword and - She growled, pointing her sword up in the air as a way to halt the training. Her free hand came up to tangle in her hair. "Stop! It's not fair!"

Pearl sighed. Disappointed again. Connie’s chest tightened from the pain of it. "What's not fair?"

"He's the hero!" Connie said, stomping and pacing. Anger was easier. There was no avoiding the fight anymore so she let it tumble out in shouting, hoping letting it loose would ease the pain gripping at her heart. "He's the one the story is about! He's the one who knows how to save the day! He's the one who brings the enemies to his side! He's the one with super powers! I'm the love interest and he should be pursuing me!"

"Connie," Pearl said patiently. Disappointment. Condescension. Stupid human child. "You're doing it again."

She dropped the sword, with a noisy clatter, both hands over her eyes now instead because she wasn’t going to cry. Sh could feel her eyes burning and she breathed deep to stop it. "No, I'm not! This is the way it works!"

"Your fantasy books aren't manuals. You can't rely on them. You can't take them literally." Pearl came, resting a hand on top of her head. Steven got head pats, not her. She didn’t deserve the hugs and she didn’t deserve the comfort. She could hear it in Pearl’s voice. She was a stupid human who wasn’t supposed to be here. When was she going to give up on her? When was she going to realize that Connie had somehow snuck in? Every word from her lips made it more likely, but she craved the comfort too badly to stop.

"It's how I understand," she said weakly. "I don't... People are just so complicated and no one says what they mean and when you do say what you mean people say that you're weird and blunt and... And I understand it in books."

Pearl let her hand fall with a little smile as Connie’s hands came away from her eys, the tears back to just moistening her eyes like they were supposed to. She hoped her eyes weren’t too puffy. She wished Pearl didn’t look so pitying with her sweetness. "Until the romance shows up?"

"I never see it coming," she whispered hopelessly. She remembered long conversations with Steven, smiling and laughing with good fun as he pointed out all the things she had missed in the media she thought she understood so thoroughly, how she had nodded along and agreed with barely a protest, because what was the point in arguing? Especially with Steven. Even if she was right, it wasn’t like she’d be able to make him understand. She sighed and shook her head. "Oh, Lisa and Arcimicarus are in love, Connie. Obviously. How did you not see the wedding coming? How did you not understand he was worried about her and not the sword? How are you so dumb?"

"You're not dumb," Pearl said, lying to her face. Connie’s fists tightened at her sides.

"He's good at this stuff," Connie whispered. He was so much better at everything. "He's so much better at this than me. Why do I have to do it?"

"You don’t have to,” she consoled. “But there’s no guarantee he ever will.”

Her head fell forward against Pearl'schest with a pathetic whine. She hesitated a moment, then wrapped her arms around the gem’s waist. She was allowed to do that sometimes, wasn’t she? If she was feeling very bad? But maybe that was only for danger, or only for happy moments, and maybe she shouldn’t have pushed herself in again. But Pearl’s arms wrapped gently around her shoulders, and the reassurance made Connie breathe deep several times so she didn’t burst into tears. "It's really scary."

"I know," she whispered.

"I'm really bad at emotional stuff."

"I know."

"I don't like talking about real feelings!"

"I know." Pearl stroked her hair softly and began listing off previous, shorter conversations. Gems seemed to have much better memories for these sorts of things. Yet another human frailty. "But if you want it, you have to ask for it. The world won't make it happen for you. No one's going to lock you both in a closet. You won't be trapped in Rose's Room until you confess your feelings. There are no love potions. No emotion controlling powers. No truth serums. It's just you and Steven, and someone has to do something."

She insisted, struggling to explain: "I can't do that."

"You can," Pearl said gently. "Maybe not right now, but some day. And you're going to look back at all this worry and heartache and think that you were so silly for not just asking earlier. It's obvious you two have romantic feelings, Connie."

"It's not to me," she said, pulling away. She stepped to the stairs, sinking down and closing her eyes as fear finally started to creep in. "I can't see it. I can't ever see it. And what if you're wrong and I'm wrong and I ask and..."

She laughed. She didn’t understand how serious it was, how terrible it was, so she laughed. It hurt, but Connie couldn’t hold it against her, not when she had been tricking Pearl all this time. Not when everything relied on the trick, relied on her not understanding. Pearl pressed her for more, "And what? What's the worst that could happen? Realistically. None of your flights of fancy."

"He says no," Connie said. And then, after a long, deep breath, she added, "And my biggest fear is right."

"Your biggest fear is Steven refusing to date you?" Pearl asked skeptically.

"No." She swallowed. There was no going back now that she had started. It had been a good run, a hard run. She had never expected it to last this long at all. She had never hoped that there would be moments where she thought it was real, where she could lay in Steven’s house alone and feel like she was allowed to be there. Where she could be handed a sword and truly feel like it was hers to take home. She had those moments, and she should be grateful for them. But they couldn't last forever. She looked up at Pearl and confessed, "I think that I'm really going to die alone, without a single real friend."

"Connie, you have so many friends," Pearl said gently. "Of course him saying no won't ruin that. How could it?"

She laughed, looking away again. "Because you haven't figured it out yet!"

"Figured what out?"

"The story," she said flatly, and let the confession finally tumble out: "The reason it doesn't make sense. It's me. I don't fit. I'm not supposed to be here. Steven's bringing me in but I... I don't fit into the narrative. I'm an aside. A cul-de-sac of a plot. I'm just the love interest and I'm butting in where I don't belong. This is a story about family. It's about knowing who you are. And I'm pretending I'm supposed to be here because Steven asked! I've put on his clothes. I've slept in his bed. I'm pretending and pushing and... “

She closed her eyes. They were burning again, no matter how she struggled to make them stop. “And... And if he doesn't want me, if he pushes me out, I'll lose everything. I'll lose all of you. I didn’t work hard enough to make friends anywhere else. I spent all that time working hard in school, and I came over here for fun because I was stupid and I didn’t think about what would happen if he didn’t love me and he didn’t want me around and I ruined it with feelings."

"The world isn't a fantasy novel, Connie." No sigh this time, at least. She was concealing her pity. How kind.

"Yours is!" she snapped. "It’s exactly like one! And these kinds of things never work out for the human. He's not going to want me, and I'm going to-"

"Keep training with me," Pearl said taking her hands, stilling her rushing thoughts that were all twisted up around a single fear. She looked at Pearl, searching for the pity and condescension she was sure would be there, but couldn’t find a trace of it. She continued, "Because you are not just his love interest. You're a person. I like you. I will like you even if Steven stops liking you, if he grows up and decides to become a whole new person with no interest in Connie Maheswaran, I will still like you. And I will train with you."

"Train for what?” Connie scoffed. “He won't want me in the fights."

"So? I've rebelled against a diamond before. I'll do it again." Connie laughed in shock, eyes wide at the idea of Pearl saying no to Steven for her. It seemed impossible, but Pearl had said it somehow. And still, she continued, "And if you don't fight, I'll come over and we'll do laundry. We'll go grocery shopping and meal plan together. We'll listen to the Nutcracker every winter and make hot chocolate. And you and Peridot will still fight over silly shows. And you and Lapis will make fun of Peridot. And Bismuth will still teach you in the forge. And no one is going to leave you on the slim chance Steven is not in love with you."

She untangled their hands, wiping at the tears that had finally fallen from relief. "I told him I wanted to be part of his universe. I meant it. I mean it. I want to be here, even if we don't stay friends. I really care about everyone. I know I already have a family, and I really love them, but I want to be a part of this family too. I want to be a Crystal Gem."

Pearl laughed. "Bismuth made you a star, Connie. You’ve been a Crystal Gem for ages, and part of the family longer than that."

Connie flung her arms around Pearl, and she held her, stroking softly along her back. It felt right to be there, one of those brief wonderful moments where fears were banished and validation came crashing in, and she felt really loved and really seen. "You’re supposed to be here, no matter what happens with Steven. Friendship is so much more important than a single romance. Don’t pin your life with us on him, Connie. You’ve earned your place right here with me."

Chapter Text

It had been a blissfully short day at work when Priyanka strolled into her house, stared at the scene in her living room, and quickly walked right on past it to sit at the table with her daughter. She raised an eyebrow at Connie, who already looked confused and exhausted and asked, “Can you please explain to me why your boyfriend is stuttering around your father like they’re about to go to prom?”

Connie’s mouth opened and closed a few times as she searched for the words. Finally, with a disbelieving grin, she said, “Steven’s asking Dad for my hand in marriage.”

Priyanka choked on air, eyes widening. “He’s what ? What year does he think it is?”

“I don’t know!” Connie giggled and covered her mouth, not wanting the noise to disturb Doug and Steven in the living room. After a moment of managing giggles, waving her hands frantically in front of her face, she whispered, “I tried to tell him it didn’t make any sense! I don’t know where he got the idea from, and he wants all this stuff to be a romantic surprise, so he won’t talk to me! I did everything I could, Mom. I told him he needed my permission, and he has it, and what’s Dad even gonna say? No ?”

“Your poor father,” she said, though a huge grin split across her face. “Having to sit through an entire conversation where Steven asks for your hand. Do you think he’ll ask about your dowry?”

“Mom!” Connie smothered another squeak of laughter, but continued eagerly, “Mr. Maheswaran, what’s Connie’s bride price? I brought twenty dollars and my dad’s van.”

Her mother covered her face in a rare show of hilarity and the two of them struggled to compose themselves over Steven’s nervous voice drifted out from the other room. “Well, you see, me and Connie have known each other - well, you know that. I got this ring and… no. That’s not it. Um. I have some notes on my phone if you’d give me a second.”

Connie’s head fell to the table with a thunk as her shoulders shook and Priyanka croaked out, “What do we say about heads on the table?”

Tragically, her motherly composure could only last for so long as Steven babbled on, “I already talked to Connie about it, and she said yes! Not to the big question, I mean. But she said yes to me asking the question? Oh, geez. I had a lot of speeches prepared for this and I couldn’t pick which one to use and now they’re all messed up.” Her head fell to the table with her daughter’s, albeit much quieter, in quiet solidarity. Her hand found Connie’s and gave it a squeeze, and the younger woman’s giggles picked up again as she felt her mother’s struggle.

Connie managed to squeak, “I love him. I really do. Oh my gosh, Steven, please. What is wrong with you?” She gasped and looked up, meeting Priyanka’s eyes across the table. They both wiped away tears of mirth as the worst of it seemed to pass, and she continued on, “Mom, I told him it was a bad idea. I swear. I wouldn’t do this to him or Dad on purpose.’

Finally, Doug ended Steven’s suffering and asked, “Are you asking for my permission to propose?”

“Um, yessir.”

“ Why ?”

“Pearl said it’s chivalrous.”

And that was too much for the women, who shrieked with laughter from the kitchen and abruptly ended the awkward talk.

Chapter Text

Talking with Peridot was always an adventure. On a good day, Connie would get to listen to Peridot tell her all about space and exciting technology. On a bad day, Connie’s eyes would glaze over as Peridot explained Camp Pining Hearts shipping for hours on end. There was really no way to know whether it would be a good day or a bad day before it happened. She went to the barn with Steven, she braced herself for the worst, and the two of them talked.

Today, she had gotten lucky, because somehow she was talking about Earth technology. Specifically, she was trying to explain the playgrounds of her childhood. Most had gone pretty fine. Steven had taken Peridot to a playground or two, let her try to enjoy the beauty of human children playing. Connie had heard that it ended with Peridot screaming and trying to wrestle a swing set into submission, but that was unsurprising. Peridot was a handful.

But there was one particular favorite that Beach City didn’t have. Connie frowned as she tried to explain in a way Peridot would understand. “There’s a ball bearing on top and there’s three chains so the tire is sideways, and you can sit on it. And it swings like a normal swing but it also spins. Like…swirl.” She twirled her finger and the little green gem followed the motion.

Peridot hummed, tapping her chin. “Give me an hour. I think I can make that.”

“Really?” Connie gasped eagerly, eyes wide with wonder and the possibility of friendship. “You’d do that for me?”

“Not for you. It’s just an interesting experiment to construct something from such a terrible explanation.”

“I’ll take it,” Connie said, just as eagerly as ever.

Steven and Connie chatted with Lapis, carefully avoiding anything Camp Pining Hearts related. They played a particularly exciting game of tug, where Lapis chased them around with water clones of Pumpkin (very nonthreatening of her). And sure enough, an hour later, Peridot had constructed a spinning tire swing in the woods, leaving Connie nearly trembling with excitement. “Oh my gosh! Peridot, you really did it! This is perfect.”

“I know!” Peridot cheered for herself with the brightest smile. “So, this is fun for you? What do you do on it?”

“Spin in circles,” Connie said, clambering onto it excitedly.

“And?”

“And that’s it!” Connie laughed as Peridot stared at her. She gripped the chains tight and leaned back, popping the other side of the tire up with a noisy jangle. “Right. You need an explanation. So, human brains do a bunch of processing just so we can stand up and walk around. You need it to balance and know where you are and what you’re doing. When you spin around really fast, it overwhelms those parts of your brain and gives you this really cool floaty, dizzy feeling.”

Peridot scowled. “Why do so many of your recreational activities involve breaking your brain? You need that.”

“Not breaking,” Connie corrected quickly. “Just temporarily overwhelming it.”

“And Connie’s an adrenaline junkie, so…” Steven giggled.

She pulled a face at him while Peridot looked back and forth, more confused than ever. “Adrenaline junkie? What does that mean?”

“It means my drug of choice is the chemical my body makes when I’m in a lot of danger. When humans get really scared, they make a bunch of adrenaline. It helps your body get ready to run from something that wants to hurt you, or to fight something that wants to hurt you, or, I don’t know. Just be ready.” She grinned and kicked off the ground, letting the tire swing spin and wane from side to side. “Or, if you do it right, when my body thinks I’m in a lot of danger and I’m totally fine I can get a bunch of that chemical.”

Peridot raised an eyebrow. “Are you weird for a human too?”

“Yes. But this isn’t why!” Connie squealed and sat back up. She stopped the swing and held out her hand to her best friend. “This is going to be so amazing. Steven, have you ever used one of these before?”

He shook his head. “Nope. What’s special about this?”

“Centrifugal force!” She took his hands and pulled him on with a laugh, showing him where to put his hands, how to angle his body. His feet were a little too short, but stretching for a few minutes of fun wasn’t a problem at all, and his legs lengthened for the convenience. “You have superstrength. You may be the first person who can make me so dizzy I throw up.”

“Why do you want that?” Steven laughed.

“I don’t know,” Connie said dramatically. “But I do.”

“Okay, show me how it works!”

He laughed as she hopped off to get them started. Connie grabbed one of the chains and ran, tugging hard and using the momentum of her body to set them spinning, the force of it already making it a bit tricky to pulled herself into the proper sitting position. She laughed as Steven cheered at the decent start, and grabbed his shirt to ensure he was leaning forward and looking down at their feet. “And then you do this.” She used her foot to kick and twist, spinning them faster and faster and - oh, she was a lot better at this than she remembered. Seven year old Connie didn’t have the same dexterity or leg strength as post-sword training Connie.

She lifted her foot to enjoy the momentum, but Steven took over. Steven was super strong. Steven did not feel just how hard the swing was spinning as his arms and legs and core kept him steady as if nothing was pushing on him at all. He picked up the pace. All the forces increased, everything spinning faster and faster and making her so wonderfully dizzy. Her heart thudded as the world spun. She gripped the chains hard, but the spin tugged. She could handle this. Strong, confident swordfighter Connie Maheswaran could-

“Steven!” she yelped, fingers slipping on the chains, and went flying for a moment.

She slammed into the dirt and grass and the air rushed out of her chest. By the time she managed to draw in a gasp of air, Steven and Peridot staring down at her with fear, only to turn to relief as she coughed and pushed herself sitting. Steven beamed. “Connie! You’re okay!”

“I got thrown out?” she asked.

“Yeah! You just went flying.” He licked his fingers, then his hand came to smooth through her hair, casually checking for any injury there while he continued, “We’re really lucky you didn’t hit a tree!”

“I…” Connie stared up at him for a moment, then snorted. “Uh, maybe I should take some more safety measures when your powers come into play. You really could have broken my brain there.”

“Oh! So it was a success?” Peridot beamed. “Way to go, Steven!”

Chapter Text

The hills were green and rolling, maybe just a little turquoise under the clear night sky and the full moon. A little bonfire crackled nearby, enough to warm them up again whenever their stargazing got too cold. It was just three of them tonight - Connie, Steven and Lapis. Steven liked to bring her and Lapis places every so often. Connie knew it was because he was trying to get them to become better friends. But Lapis had attempted to drown Connie once and worse, they had nothing to talk about. So more often than not their friendship was just awkward silence and talking to whoever else was around, as well as the occasional mutual respect for their combat skills.

Steven sighed at her, that look in his eyes that said ‘if only I could sing a song and make this better’. Steven had tried several times to sing his way into her and Lapis becoming better friends, but it never seemed to catch on. He’d sing, and he’d stroke his ukulele, and Lapis and Connie would awkwardly clap when he was done. It was adorable, they could all agree on that, but ultimately useless. Connie could slowly get along with Peridot, but no matter how often Steven brought her to the barn, there was a gulf between her and Lapis.

“Why don’t you sing more? I really like it,” he asked Connie, trying to start a conversation.

Connie retorted, “I like it when you break giant rocks. It’s cool and then we have a bunch of rocks to decorate sandcastles with. Why don’t you break rocks more?”

“I could break rocks for you!” he said eagerly. She raised an eyebrow, and he sighed. “No, you’re right. I can’t. I always imagine they have rock families.”

“How old are you?” She grinned. “Five?”

“Fourteen!”

“Are you sure?”

“You’re dodging the question!” He laughed, poking her cheek. “Why don’t you sing more? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sing a song by yourself.”

She snorted. “That’s because I don’t do it. I don’t even know how I start singing at all aside from our karaoke sessions. But you probably don’t want to talk about this. This leads to Weird Questions.”

“I hate the Weird Questions.” Steven frowned with all the severity his round face could manage.

Lapis looked over from her spot lounging in the grass. “I like weird stuff.”

“No,” Steven groaned. “Don’t start.”

Connie lit up. This was it. This was the moment where she and Lapis finally had a conversation about something other than the weather or a traumatizing war story where Lapis explained in excruciating detail how she had quartered rebel gems with Earth's ocean. She grabbed her bag, thrilled to escape from horror, or worse, boredome. “I’ll get the notebook!”

“Not the notebook!” Steven cried, a bit melodramatically considering the circumstances.

“What’s wrong with the notebook?” Lapis asked.

“That’s where she keeps the Weird Questions, and the Weird Questions are a nightmare.”

Connie rolled her eyes. “They’re totally normal questions that anyone who wasn’t raised around gems would ask. My mom thinks they’re perfectly sensible. Like, here - Why are gems humanoid?”

Steven was pouting at the small black and white notebook in her lap, full of terrible memories of unanswerable questions, questions that Pearl spent hours answering in detail almost as excruciating as Lapis's war stories. If he ever heard the words "quantum physics" again it would be too soon. That had been an afternoon wasted on technical explanations that could have been better spent singing or dancing or playing games or even doing chores. Anything other than Pearl saying, “The trick is to fold space.”

Lapis grinned. “Humans are gemoid. We were first. Give me another.”

“Why are humans gemoid then?” she snorted.

“Mmm… because it’s the best shape for building stuff.” Lapis thought, then snorted. “Oh! Or because Pink made them like Steven made the Watermelons, so you all look like Pink just like the Watermelons look like Steven.”

“That’s not…” Connie’s eyes widened as she cut herself off. Lapis was smiling. Lapis was smiling at her. “You’re joking!”

“This is fun.” She rolled onto her belly and looked up at Connie. She was a bit lower on the hill, but still closer than usual. “Keep going.”

“Right! Oh my gosh.” She laughed a little. Lapis was talking to her. Lapis was playing with her! Granted, it was all so she could be sarcastic and make up ridiculous lies, but it was a start! And, again, she wasn't going to have to sit through Lapis describing the feel of crushing a hardllight body under Earth's waves or awkward weather talk, so everything was an improvement. “If gems come from Diamonds and Diamonds come from White Diamond, where does White Diamond come from?”

“There was a natural diamond and…” She kicked her legs slowly as she thought. “Its planet was engulfed by a dying star and brought her to life. That’s why she’s so bright.”

Steven gasped, eyes shining. “That’s why her cape is made of stars!”

“No.” Lapis said, with heavy seriousness, “Every star in her cape is another sun that she’s absorbed to power Homeworld. That’s how it doesn’t fall apart.”

Connie snorted. “You just answered number twenty-six.” She skimmed the page, sure to skip over any that might make Lapis uncomfortable. Or Steven, for that matter. There were certain questions that were far too awkward even for her insatiable curiosity, and were never asked aloud. She didn’t let people look at the notebook much, lest they find out exactly what odd paths her mind went down while brainstorming. “Why is so much gem stuff themed like you’re super smart computers?”

“Well, we run on magic but our operating system is Doors 7.” Lapis raised an eyebrow. “Before you ask, yes, my gem can play Doom.”

Connie gawked for a second, too shocked by the joke to even laugh. Then she started to giggle, which slowly grew into laughter so hard she could barely hold onto her notebook while Steven stared on in confusion. “What’s happening?” he whispered.

“How do you know about Doom running on everything?” Connie gasped through giggles. “How do you know about Doom at all?”

“Peridot found some forums online to talk about Camp Pining Hearts with humans. The internet has so much stuff I just look through it whenever I’m bored. I didn’t think it was that funny.” She shrugged.

“It’s not!" Connie squeaked. "I just can’t believe we finally have something to talk about! And it’s memes.”

She smirked. “Good. I guess I should get along with Steven’s third best friend.”

“What’s happening?” Steven asked again, feeling like a broken record. But he was smiling now. Progress was progress. “I just wanted to know why Connie doesn’t sing more! How did this happen?”

“Oh! Right.” Connie giggled. “I just wanted to know why I sing at all. Like, with groups of people and choreography and harmonizing. Whenever it’s karaoke night, I have to work up the courage to sing even a single song. But, somehow, when all the gems are singing, I join in without even thinking about it.”

“Yeah, Peridot calls them Heartsongs, when feelings get too big you have to sing. Steven’s gem does it.” Lapis pointed to the boy’s stomach.

Connie snorted, rolling her eyes at the barely funny joke before moving onto her next question. This one was a particular doozy, especially after the MC BearBear incident. “Okay. So. Why did Steven’s spit heal my eyes to 20/20 but not to 20/10 which lots of people-?”

“You don’t believe me? That last one was true,” Lapis drawled, cutting off the riveting question.

Now it was Connie's turn to smirk. “That can’t be true, because I did one without him. With Pearl!”

“Was he there when it happened?” she asked.

The smirk fell. “Well, yeah, but-”

“Have you ever joined in a song in perfect harmony, which humans are normally pretty bad at, even though you’ve never heard it before?”

“I mean, once or twice, but-” Connie cleared her throat. 

“Do all your feelings feel way bigger than usual? So that you have to sing even though you never, ever feel that way without Steven around?” Her head was propped up on one hand, her voice flat as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Connie and Steven gawked.

“White erases. Blue projects. Yellow disrupts. Pink intensifies.” She counted each off on her fingers. “According to Peridot, Steven is the only one who can’t force something new. Pink makes what you feel way stronger, but it doesn’t change what you feel. Peridot thinks that Steven’s human half makes you want to let it out through singing. So, if Steven wants to hear you sing more, you just need to make big emotional stuff happen so you'll do a Heartsong.”

Steven whispered, “Why did you guys choose such a cute name for something so scary?”

“Scary?” Lapis asked.

“It is,” Connie said, “If you think about the implications.”

“Oh, Heartsong is from a show about cartoon horses that get tattoos on their butt when they figure out their purpose in life. It wasn’t very good. We only watched the entire series three or four times.”

The silence stretched, only the quiet sound of crickets and the occasional buzzing insects filling the night air. Lapis looked at them, both of their faces round-eyed and terrified, and burst into laughter. “Okay! Alright, I’m messing with you. I don’t know why you sing! Maybe you’re just more comfortable with Steven around?”

Connie started to smile. “Maybe!”

Lapis raised an eyebrow. “Or maybe you’re not as safe from gem magic as you thought.”

The smile vanished. Connie gulped.

“You’re too easy.” Lapis snickered again, reaching over to tug the notebook out of Connie’s stunned hands. It took a second for Connie to realize, but she leaped for it, Lapis quickly darting out of the way. She skimmed the questions, her laughter quickly drying up. “Huh. There really are some weird questions in here.”

Connie reached for it. “Lapis, I’m sorry. It’s just a brainstorming notebook! I’d never ask-”

“No. I get it. You were right not to ask, but I’m looking, so…” She ran her finger slowly down the page, ignoring Connie as questions sparked long-repressed memories. Her voice was soft as she continued, “The answer to number six is… How do I say it? When gems are alone, you can sort of… drift. Fuzz out. Turn your mind into static. It sounds like humans can’t do that, right? That’s how gems stay saner when we’re alone for a while. We just turn off. Drift.”

Connie picked nervously at the grass beside her. “Is that one true?”

“The world’s less scary if it is, right?” Lapis said, handing her notebook back.

She swallowed. “Sorry. I just get curious. I know it'd be rude to ask.”

“You’ve got bigger questions than Steven, Connie. That’s not a bad thing, I think." Lapis sat back down in the grass, lower on the hill, and looked up at the young girl. “But you should be careful. One day, someone’s going to start answering them.”

Chapter Text

“Aren’t you supposed to be back at space camp?” Steven asks. The cookout is winding down, the sun starting to set, and Connie idles with her feet in the surf. He thinks there’s a touch of sarcasm in the question, a little bit of an edge. He always sounds a little mocking when they talk about space camp. It makes Connie sigh like he’s asked her to do the dishes.

“Weren’t you supposed to go to a rock show?” she retorted.

“I did go,” he says with a little giggle. “But something came up.”

“Yeah. Something came up for me too,” she agrees. She stretches her arms high above her head. “Any other questions I can answer with a question?”

He kicks off his flip flops and wades into the surf with her. “If the something is over, why not go back?”

“I’ll go when I’m ready.”

“Where do they think you are?”

“I don’t know.”

“Aren’t they going to worry? Or get mad?”

“I worry all the time about where people are. Someone else can worry for once.” She’s got that little bit of edge too, a little bit of bitterness. She closes her eyes and looks regretful.

He lightens it. “Oh yeah? You know, you could just say my name.”

She grins. “Mmm, no. Don’t think I can. Better left unsaid.”

“Yeah. Lots of things are.” He clears his throat, then says it anyway, “Like wondering why some people would go to space camp when other people could give them all the space they need. Is human space stuff cooler? Gem space stuff definitely comes with baggage.”

She stiffens. “Well, I think it’s better to wonder why some people, who make sacrifices all the time, don’t understand why doing something to make your parents feeling like they’re making you happy is worthwhile.”

“Or wondering when someone is going to tell those parents they can cut a car in half, or dangle from a trash can lid for a full combat.”

He eyes cut to his. “Oh, I’ll tell them when you tell White where she can put her smothering affection.”

He takes a step back, because she’s not supposed to say that. But he’s not supposed to say this either, “How many pull-ups can you do in a minute, Connie? Coming up on world record, right?”

“How much did that injector weigh?”

Steven grins, like it isn’t too much to say, “Yeah, but everyone already knows I’m not all human.”

She sucks in breath through her teeth in a hiss, and his stomach twists with guilt. But she continues on, easing it with a little smile. “Yeah. All that stuff is better left unsaid.”

“Better left unsaid,” he murmurs. Steven wants her affection again. He needs it. He’s been so, so needy lately, because he’s been so busy lately, and he nearly had it just yesterday. She had leaned in and he “Wonder why you kissed me.”

Connie’s voice cracks, “On the cheek. It’s common in Europe.”

“It was new.”

“It was,” she agrees.

He takes a deep breath. “You only do that kind of stuff when you’re about to leave. New stuff.”

“Yeah.”

“So you can run away?” he says it like a question. It’s not.

“Yeah,” Connie says again.

He shakes as he steps up behind her. “So, if I want you to go to space camp, I could do something new.”

Steven can see her shaking too. “Is that a threat? You know I climbed a giant robot with only a sword, right?”

He takes a deep, shuddering breath. It’s better left unsaid, and he could walk away right now if he wanted. She’ll go when she wants to go. It’s not his job to think that there’s a place she should be and worry about people he’s never met who are, right now, worrying about Connie. It could be something that’s none of his business. It’d be so much easier if he could just accept things that aren’t his business. But he can’t, so he says, “You’re supposed to be at space camp.”

“You’re a meddler,” she murmurs. “You get into everyone’s life. You can’t meddle in mine, Steven. I know you too well.”

He puts his hands in his pockets. “It’d only take a question to make you run away again.”

She growls. “You don’t want to talk about it either! We’ve been friends for nearly five years and we’ve never talked about it! It’s just another thing we don’t talk about, Steven!”

“Why don’t you tell your parents what you really want to do with your life?” he asks, pushing and pushing and pushing without saying the mean thing, the thing that will make her leave for sure.

She spins, glares. “Why don’t you tell your family what you really want to do with your life?”

“You should be at space camp.”

“You don’t get to tell me where to go!” she shouted. “You don’t get to tell me how to feel! I know you’re scared. I don’t know everything I want either! I know it’s a mess and it’s scary, but we could start talking about it now! Things could be getting normal, Steven, or as normal as they used to be. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us! We’re not even adults yet! Maybe we could figure out what us being adults is going to look like.” She puts her hands to her head and groans. “I don’t know any of it either, Steven. I don’t know where my place is, but it’s not at space camp. It’s not… it’s not just with humans.”

That one wasn’t ever supposed to be said out loud. He barely stops himself from grabbing his gem. “I thought you said we weren’t going to talk about it.”

“You pushed!” she shouts. “Do you want me to shut up and go to space camp or talk things out and stay with you? You’re mad at me either way!”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“I know! You’re just mad ! Me too!” she cries. “We have to talk about problems to get through them!”

“Yeah, and everything’s fine!” Steven snaps. “I’m fine! I don’t have problems because I don’t run away from mine.”

“Because repressing them is okay?” she snaps back. “They’re still there! I know what they are. I know who you are. I know why you meddle.”

“I know you too.” Steven takes a step back, leaving her path to Lion clear because it’s been a long day and he’s tired and she thinks she’s so grown up and so smart. Like she’s not a nervous mess. Like she doesn’t need him as badly as he needs her. Like everything isn’t suspended, balanced over a pit of pretty roses and awful thorns, and all it takes is one wrong sentence and a pink maniac is back to screaming an injector to life.

He’s so mad.

There are things he could say.

He’s not brave enough to say them.

“I’m braver than you think I am,” Connie lies. “I did a lot today.”

She says it like she means the fighting. She means the kiss. He knows her inside and out. He knows she’d take a sword to the gut before saying I love you in a crowded room. She’d take a punch to the face before telling him when someone called her a cruel name when she passed them in the hallway. He knows her like he knows everyone, and that means he knows how to turn a conversation around, so that others struggling to comfort him cry on his shoulder. Or run. It only takes a question.

“Are you actually in love with me?”

She flushes, fists clenching hard at her sides as she struggles to throw something back. “You’re…you can’t just… Are you…”

“Are you actually in love with me?” he asks again. There’s no risk in asking. No worry. There’s no answer coming.

Because Connie runs to Lion and vanishes, hopefully to space camp, and he stays on the beach. His hand holds his gem and he stares back at the place the injector hit, at the broken and healing earth. His Earth. That he owns. Because he is a Diamond and he’ll always have more work to do.

His clenched jaw aches with the weight of things left unsaid. His cheeks throb from the smile he forces on.

He’s sure the universe is better for it.

Chapter Text

Amethyst is surprised how easy it is to talk to Connie as she gets older. Once upon a time, she just felt like a second Steven - all wide eyes and desperate for attention and talking and into things Amethyst didn’t really understand. She’s starting to learn that children are all like that. You’re supposed to talk to them different. But she and Steven aren’t children anymore. They’re teenagers. They’re more adult and less adult in different ways. Her eyes glaze over when Greg tried to explain.

She can talk to Connie now, though, so when Connie says, “I’m glad I got to stick around so long. It felt like being part of the family.” Amethyst hears things she understands and eagerly leaps in with, “You are a part of the family! What do you mean stick around so long? Did you think you were gonna die or something?”

The girl laughs and shakes her head. “A couple times, but I meant because my family used to move around a lot. It was really hard to make friends.”

“Oooh, right.” Amethyst nodded, and since Connis’s older and serious talks appear to be on the table, she continues and tries to understand the girl Steven calls his best friend, “Were you scared you’d have to move? Lose everything?”

She shrugs. “A little. Bad dreams, mostly, but my parents promised me we’re stay this time, until I graduated.”

Amethyst understands that too. She remembers finally finding a home with the gems, after being alone for so long. She remembers the famethyst, and finally feeling like she belongs. She keeps trying to relate. “I mean, I know that my family’s not going anywhere, but I still get scared sometimes, you know?”

Connie nods a bit, and Amethyst pushes a little more. “How do you even do it? Moving? Just take all your stuff?”

She giggles. “A big truck. You put everything into boxes and you load up a van and you drive all your stuff to a new place. It costs a lot of money, and it’s a lot of work, but we had to for my dad’s job.”

The gem frowns. “That sucks.”

“Oh, I don’t know. All the driving and everything wasn’t so bad. Living in new places was kind of fun! There’s places I want to show Steven around some day, like Empire City.” She smiles brightly. “I don’t want to make it sound like I was really miserable or anything. My parents tried really hard.”

“What was the worst part?” Amethyst said, because the happy stuff sounds pretty boring.

She sighs and groans. “This is so weird. Whenever we moved, the part that was the worst was packing up all my books. That’s usually when I got all mopey.”

“What was so bad about it?” Amethyst insists in the pause.

Connie thinks on that for a bit. “I guess, because I always did it last, packing up all my books was the thing that really felt like I was leaving. That was the part that said we were going to find a new home, and I’d never have friends and… I don’t know. Books were my friends. Packing them all up felt weird too. They’re not supposed to be in boxes. They’re supposed to be there for me.” She blushes and looks away. “I know that’s silly.”

“It’s not!” Amethyst said eagerly. “That’s how I feel about my stuff! It’s mine, you know? No one can touch it. It’s just how I want it. And it’s got all my memories in it. Whenever Pearl tries to clean it, I hate it.”

Connie snorts. “You should clean it, though. It’s really gross in there.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not like I can get sick.” Connie starts arguing that her and Steven can get sick. Amethyst gets to be mean. She gets to curse. It’s a fun time, now that Connie’s older. It’s fun, now that she and Connie are getting close.

When Connie is twenty six, she and Steven plan to move out of the beach house. They want more privacy. Apparently, they want to start making a baby, and they’re very awkward about trying to find ways to do it privately with the gems living downstairs. It’s a little sad, but they’re just moving down the road into a cool house Bismuth made.

Steven tells Amethyst that Connie is upset about the move. Not that she doesn’t want to leave, but she’s still moving again. She’s moving away from family again. She cries about it a bit, and her packing is slow, and Steven feels pretty down about that. He doesn’t know how to make it better. Amethyst says she has an idea.

While Connie is out, they pack up her bookshelves. They carefully leave out her favorites, putting them in a backpack. Steven lets Amethyst take the lead on showing her, since it was her idea, and Amethyst smiles nervously (always nervous about this kind of stuff), as she gestures to the boxes. “You didn’t have to do it, and we left your best friends out.”

The woman bursts into giggles, but there are tears in her eyes as she covers her mouth. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Aw, come on,” she says, punching her shoulder playfully so her own tears don’t start up. “Wherever you move, you’ve always got your family.”

Chapter Text

“Connie,” Steven said, eyes wide. “Did your water break?”

“Oh. Um.” She looked down at herself, her very swollen belly and the dark spot on her pants, then back up at him. “It sure looks like it did, Steven.”

“When?” he squeaked.

“Oh, I don’t know.” She tugged out her phone. “It’s 8:55 so, I mean, one hundred and fifty-six minutes ago?”

“You’ve been in labor for three hours?” His panic was contagious, alerting every gem and human at the cookout so over a dozen heads suddenly swiveled Connie’s way.

“Two hours and thirty-six minutes,” Peridot corrected cheerfully.

“We have to get to the hospital,” Steven said, reaching down to scoop up the duffel they’d been carrying everywhere lately. “Come on. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with lion portaling us there.”

Connie cleared her throat, her hands tapping against her thighs, and was happy that her contractions seemed to be coming slow and gentle for the moment so she could pretend she was maintaining her composure. “Yeah, okay, so I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and what if I just…don't?”

“Don’t what?” He gestured around the beach. “You want to have the baby here? In the ocean?”

“Steven, that’s ridiculous.” She cradled his hand to her face with a smile. “See, I’m thinking I just don’t have the baby.”

He stared at her, his voice barely above a whisper, “What do you mean? You can’t just hold it in!”

“I have incredible core strength and I think it’s worth a shot.”

Steven stood back, towering over her as he threw his arms up and shouted, “That’s not how it works, Connie!”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever tried, Steven!” Connie shouted back.

Pearl sighed, looking up at the sky and remembering far too many women having children far too young. “Oh, I promise you they have.”

Steven held up his hands and took a deep breath. “Okay, this isn’t working. Connie, you’re having a baby. Our baby. Why do you not want to go to the hospital?”

She covered her face and confessed weakly, “I’m freaking out. I’ve been freaking out the whole time. I got pregnant, and I was really happy, and then I started realizing that all that stuff I knew happened when you got pregnant was actually happening, and I’m locked into the rollercoaster and there’s no way off.” She laughed, a little hysterically as her voice began to wobble with panic. “Here we go! This is how you make a baby and it’s in me and it’s growing and here we are, nine months later, and there’s only one way it’s coming out and I really, really don’t want it to come out that way!”

“You never said anything,” he said gently. “I thought that you were excited.”

“Of course I’m excited!” she snapped, hands gripping hard at the lawn chair she sat in. “I’m just also terrified because there’s some disgusting little parasite sucking away all my nutrients and life force like a gem injector just for me. Just one little vampire, sucking out Connie’s soul through the umbilical cord that ties us together, making it so I can’t exercise and lose all my muscles and doing things to my body that I’m sure as hell not talking about in public.” She eyed him worriedly as her voice began to crack, “But we’ve talked about and this stupid little watermelon head baby is going to make things tear and I don’t know if you can fix that!”

Steven swallowed. “I’m sorry. We could have talked it out. But we can talk about it now. I can help you.”

“No you fucking can’t!” she shouted, gasping as she doubled over, an angry stream of curses pouring out that was enough to make even Bismuth whistle. “I’m sorry. Steven, I love you. You’re amazing. We can’t risk fusing with the baby. I can’t shapeshift. I have to do this the human way, and as great as it’s going to be if you’re there, I am definitely, definitely doing this alone.” Frightened tears finally bit at her eyes as she clutched his hand. “And I don’t think I can do it! I don’t think I’m strong enough!”

“Connie, you’ve been through worse. It won’t be that bad,” he said gently.

She wiped at her eyes and whimpered, “Steven, it already hurts really, really bad and it’s not even at the pushing part yet. You heal up all my wounds really fast whenever I get them and I don’t know if I can handle hurting for a super long time. You can’t fix it. It’s just going to hurt and be awful and I don’t want to do it!”

He took a deep breath, looking back at their friends and family before turning back to her. He took both her hands in his and knelt in front of her, so she was looking down into his face. “Okay. No more I’m gonna be there for you. You want the truth?”

She nodded. “Help me.”

“I can’t,” he said flatly. “I can’t tell you it’s not going to hurt. I can’t tell you that I can make it easier. You know all the awful stuff that comes with having a baby, but you wanted to have one. And right now, it doesn’t even matter what you want. If you wanted to give up the baby, you’d still have to get it out of there. So, this is happening. You’re having a baby. You can face it head-on like you’ve done everything else, or I can drag you to the hospital screaming, but the baby is coming no matter what. Does that help?”

She cringed as another contraction hit, and forced herself to breathe through it. Another fight. Another dungeon. Another drowning. Really, at least this one would come with a prize at the end. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it as hard as she could until the pain ended, and Steven was her unbreakable rock who didn’t feel the pain. He’d faced plenty of things with only her encouragement to help. She could do the same, just this once. She nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

The labor was long. Priyanka and Steven had stood on either side of her, with her mother holding her shoulder instead of her hand. Connie preferred to focus all her strength on Steven’s sturdy ones that leave bruises on the older woman. Priyanka had a much more important role, calmly batting away nurses and scolding doctors and making sure Connie gave birth on her schedule, not the hospitals. Making sure Connie got into the position she wanted, heard the music she wanted, had the family she wanted surrounding her.

Connie rarely heard her mother shout, but she and Steven and Doug had gotten to stare into the hallway as Priyanka screamed some awful words about getting a syringe far away from Connie’s room, and that there would be no forced contractions that evening. Doug had patted Connie’s arm with a laughed and mumbled something about it being a warrior woman night.

Despite the hours of childbirth, Connie found it less painful than she had worried about, other than the brief moment where the baby’s stupid watermelon head finally broke free. But then it was over, and some quick work from Steven’s spit and a towel gave Connie another mercy most women didn’t have of no lingering pain.

Again her mother fought, and again Connie was grateful as their new daughter was kept in the room for all the weighing and tests, rather than being taken down the hall. Connie was quickly given the product of all those hours - squirming and pale and pinheaded and, to be honest, kind of ugly. But she and Steven cried and laughed and nuzzled each other as they passed back and forth the newborn, who Priyanka reassured would be a much more pleasant color and shape very soon.

And soon after Greg was there, and the three Gems that Connie would have loved to all have with her if there wasn’t a limit to room size. The baby, who they named Lakshmi, was passed around and cradled and loved and adored until she was back in Connie’s arms again. She crooned and nuzzled her, “You’re the most perfect thing in the world.”

"I don’t know about that, but she doesn't look like a parasite," Peridot muttered, peering at the baby in Connie's arms.

The woman stiffened and slowly looked around at the assembled gems. "Okay, I think we need to establish what happened a few nights ago. Number one, I never called the baby a parasite."

"You definitely did," Lapis said.

Connie pinched the bridge of her nose, as previous hopes of help from aliens that didn’t require sleep were swept away by the sudden reminder that the aliens were, in fact, alien, and should obviously never be left alone with her child. Steven laughed as her face wrinkled up as she muttered, "You know what? I'll just be sleep deprived. Steven, send everyone away."

They did send everyone away a little bit later, and despite a very cranky nurse Steven snuck into the bed beside her and snuggled up anyway. A bubble closed in around them, and after several attempts, a very red-faced Steven explained he couldn't make it go away. She couldn't complain much, warm and safe and protected with her adoring husband beside her. Everything being cast in pink only added to the mood.

“Sorry you had to get her out of there on your own,” Steven murmured.

“Nah, that was the fear talking.” She kissed his cheek and smiled. “I had a lot of backup.”

Chapter Text

Connie was growing up to be pretty and she hated it.

For the most part, it was the attention that was frustrating. She had noticed kids at her school talking to her more. Awkwardly, she began to get date proposals, which she hastily shut down, and found herself having to be harsh. For some reason, gentle smiles and kind words didn’t seem to get the message through. They couldn’t take her seriously.

As a lanky kid, she had thought once that her oval face would grow sharper as she aged. She thought that her slender frame would grow more masculine from her athleticism. Instead, puberty had come at her angles and smoothed them into circles  - hips and long legs and a curving torso that supported a rounder, gentler face.

She remembered the first time she realized it was happening when she finally understood what all those things were adding up to. Steven had said it, but he didn't mean it. He didn’t mean anything by it. She was scowling as she failed at yet another screen of the platformer, and when she looked away to rest her eyes she found him smiling at her.

She blinked. "What?"

"You're cute when you're mad," he said with a little shrug.

She raised an eyebrow. "You know I’ve beaten you in training before, right?"

He laughed. "No! Not like that. I mean your face. Even when you're mad it's still cute."

Steven was trying to be sweet. She knew that. But frustration and an odd sense of helplessness bubbled up nevertheless. Cute. Even when she was mad she was cute. Who wanted to be cute when they were mad? Intimidating. Threatening. Terrifying. Respected . That’s what anger was supposed to be.

Some girl bumped into her on purpose in the hallway, and Connie stood tall and narrowed her eyes and snapped, "Look where you're going." She was Connie Maheswaran. She flipped a boy in middle school. She didn’t let bullies push her around and they stepped back from her.

But the girl looked her up and down with a laugh. "Yeah. Sure." And then she walked away, not caring at all for Connie's anger, and Connie’s hand trembled on the locker. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right .

It was hard to see her own prettiness in the mirror, as it so often is, but she could see the softness. Her fingers ran over the rounded jaw, the large eyes no longer hidden by glasses, her wide forehead. Her face and eyes said kindness, sweetness, innocence, even when tightened up with anger. Her fury was adorable. She screamed into her pillow about it. 

She told her mom, sulking as they sat together on the couch and watched a documentary about ocean mammals. Priyanka gently scratched her head. "I know it can be hard. You've got more of your father's soft face. It’s not all bad. Lots of boys and girls will want to date you."

"I don't want to be soft," Connie insisted. "And I don’t care who wants to date me! I don’t want to date any of them. And… and I don't want people to look at me like... I don't want people to think it's funny when I'm mad!" 

She could feel herself getting mad again. She remembered her face in the mirror, the way it had wrinkled up and the softness had made it a child’s tantrum. Sweetness and kindness and cuteness and she couldn’t stand it. She glared at the television.

"Anyone who want take you seriously because of your face isn't someone worth talking to," Priyanka said. "And for someone you have to talk to, you'll just have to keep pushing until they listen. That's all you can do." 

"You don't get it," Connie muttered. "You were never cute. Everyone takes you seriously." 

"No, I don't," Priyanka agreed. "Do you know any cute looking adult who could give you advice? Aside from your father."

"Ugh," Connie said, half-laughing as tension slipped from the room. "Dad's not cute." 

"Agree to disagree." 

But she did know someone cute. Someone who had once been very intimidating, and frightening, and had haunted Steven's nightmares. Someone who, now, was adorable even in a fit of fandom rage. She went to see Peridot, and remembered how often she’d seen the little gem shrieking and crawling around on all fours.

“But people still respect you,” Connie said, biting her lip. “You know, with all the science stuff and everything. How do I get them to respect me too?”

"You did age into a more cartoonish human specimen," Peridot hummed, looking her over. Her hands reached up to scrunch her face, and experience had told Connie it was easiest to just let her finish her examination.  "Your physical form displays many traits that combine into something that inspires tenderness and protection."

Connie mumbled, "Great. I'm moe."

"What?"

"Nothing." She crossed her arms and decided she’d introduce Peridot to cute schoolgirl anime another day. Connie slipped to the floor, misery building in her chest. "I'm cute. Great. Now I have to work twice as hard to get taken seriously."

Peridot sat down besides her and smiled a little. "People don’t always take me seriously either.”

Connie cocked her head. “But every time I’m here-”

“You’re here for the big stuff. Explosions. Injectors. Like when we’re all about to die.” She beamed, her scratchy voice somehow endlessly cheerful about their frequently terminal fates. “There are lots of days where I feel dumb, and a lot of people think the stuff I spend my time on is stupid. Steven used to call me cute all the time when he first unbubbled me.”

You are cute , Connie thought, the words at the tip of her tongue, but she reeled them in quickly. She wouldn’t want to hear that. She hugged herself tighter and groaned. “So you just have to deal with it?”

“Find the people who take you seriously.: Peridot awkward reached out to pat Connie’s hand. “If someone recognizes my greatness, I know they’re not a complete idiot and worth keeping around.”

She laughed, and hated being pretty, and hated being cute. But at least she wasn’t alone.

Chapter Text

Steven Universe is fifteen, and lies on the floor of Connie's room while she reviews his pamphlet about voting systems. His eyes slide to the little holes beneath her desk, and he grins as he catches sight of something. Looks like Connie isn't perfectly organized after all, he thinks. 

He rolls onto his belly and reaches out, and his fingers close around a granola bar, but he feels something beyond it. His face scrunches up, but Connie's foot is lightly kicking at his wrist.

"Get out of there!"

He holds up the granola bar triumphantly. "You're messy."

"Very," she says flatly.

He ignores her kick and reaches under again, and laughs as he feels piles of wrapped up bars. "You know that's not a drawer, right?"

"I know it's not a drawer!" she says, casually holding out her hand as she explains, "It's a basic survivalist trick, Steven. You have to find all sorts of clever places to hide your food from wild animals."

"Mmm," he teases. "The raccoons here are ravenous."

"Ravenous," she agrees.

Steven Universe is sixteen, and he's bored while Connie studies, so he goes through her drawers. All of them. Connie doesn't say anything, just like he's never said anything to her. They've shared a body. There aren't a lot of limits.

Connie has neatly packed away so much food under her things. Every drawer is stuffed with packets of ramen, chips, protein bars, candy bars, the list goes on. If there is a place, his best friend has found a way to hide food in it.

"You need stuff on hand for snack breaks, huh?" he giggles as her timer goes off. 

"Mmm. No," Connie says absently, stretching her arms high above her head. "I keep snack break foods in the top drawer here, so I don't have to go anywhere." Her finger tapped against the pretty desk.

He raised an eyebrow. "So what's all the food for?"

She shrugs. "Snacks whenever, I guess. It's good to have food around."

He snorted. "You could juuuust... Walk to the pantry?"

"You could juuuuust..." She gives him a wry smile. "Let it go?"

Steven Universe is eighteen. He binge eats whenever he gets depressed. The world feels awful and he rips open a pint of ice cream and it still feels awful but at least the ice cream tastes good. People have told him that won't make it better, and they're only half right. It doesn't make things better for long, but he does get a brief relief, sometimes. He's mostly got it under control nowadays. Mostly.

He feels like garbage so he pulls open one of her drawers and digs to the bottom and pulls out a sleeve of cookies to tear into. She looks up from her reading nook.

"No one else can have those," she says quietly.

He blinks, triple chocolate chip decadence halfway to his mouth. "What?" 

She swallows, and her shoulders shake, and realization suddenly slams into him that this is another thing .  She's sharing something private. She can't keep eye contact as she explains. 

"They're for us. The food. One time my dad ate one of my granola bars and I just... I just sat there shaking and I wanted to scream at him." Her hand covers her heart, clutches the shirt. "No one else can have it but you." 

"The moon," he murmurs. 

She gasps, eyes closing from the memories. "Lots of times. On missions, when I didn't know how much I packed. Or when we lost our bags. A-and Homeworld. Homeworld made it really start. It wasn't that bad before. I didn't have the food. They locked Pink up for months and I only had two protein bars a-and-"

Connie's hands cover her face and he comes to hold her as apologies come rushing out. "I was supposed to take care of you and I wasn't ready, Steven! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Steven forgives her, and holds her, and she clings to him to remember he's alive. 

Steven Universe is twenty, and he's trying to calm his girlfriend down as she hyperventilates beside him.

"She ate it," Connie says, fists trembling. "Who eats food that doesn't belong to them?"

"She said she was sorry," Steven says gently. "It's okay. We're fine. We have food. Your roommate isn't going to make us starve."

"I know!" she shouts. Her fist pounds into the grass with a furious scream. "I know we're fine! I know we're not starving! I can't stop caring! I want to stop keeping beef jerky in my underwear drawer like some sort of freak!"

"I-it's all nonperishables!" Steven stumbles, unsure of what to say. "It's not that weird! Lots of people keep snacks in their dorm room!"

"Linda doesn't!" Connie snaps. "That's why she ate our food! She can get her own stupid food! She didn't prepare and that's her fault and she can't steal ours and I shouldn't fucking care about this!"

She's breathing hard, staring down at the grass where her fist trembles. Steven stares too, and he doesn't understand it. They went through the same things, so why isn't it the same? Why don't the places where they're shattered match up?

"I hate that I do this," she says, defeated as she closes her eyes. "I want to stop."

His head falls gently to the crook of her neck as he whispers, "Someone told me that my hair kind of looked like a rose from behind, and I went home, and I ate a whole sheetcake."

She swallows. "Did you throw up the whole sheetcake?"

"I didn't weigh it, but I'm thinkin' yeah?" he grins and she giggles, covering her mouth. "It's okay. You've got me and I've got you. It'll all be alright in the end."

Steven Universe is twenty eight, and he cuddles his wife from behind as she trembles with frustration and stares at the very pretty snack basket they have set up on a very pretty table, and it fits their cozy room.

" I tried ," she whispers.

"I know." He kisses her shoulder softly. "It was brave of you to try. You never have to, but it was brave of you to try."

"I couldn't sleep," she croaks. "I just stared at where it was supposed to be. I didn't even have flashbacks. I just needed it to be there and it wasn't and I hated it."

He squeezes her gently. "We cope in different ways. This is one of yours. It's okay. You don't think I'm weird or bad when I freak out over stuff cracking, do you?"

"No," she says.

"You are very prepared, and we are very safe," he murmurs in her ear. "I don't care about a stupid snack basket in the corner. It's full of chips when I need a bag of chips. And nobody ever comes in this room without your say so, right?" 

"Right," she whispers. 

"This is our safe place. Our safe place has food. It can have food forever, and that's okay. It has doors that we can't slam and it has multiple exits and we turn on a little alarm every night and it's our room." He squeezes her, and he reminds her, "And no one gets to see it if we don't want them to. No one ever knows." 

She rolls over and holds him tight, and he reminds her gently, "We're home. We're safe. We're never gonna starve again."

They keep the basket, half a scar from the past, half a promise for the future. 

Chapter Text

Priyanka laid next to Doug in bed and felt a lot of things. Stupid, mostly, and the numbness was overtaking her again. Shock, she knew. It was the shock flickering in and out as her brain struggled to process it all. 

For heaven's sake, it was Connie. Bubbly, smiley, witty Connie. Yes, her daughter had always been quieter and reserved at home. That only added to the case. It made sense not to notice. She told herself very firmly it made sense not to notice. Connie had lied, and she was very good at it. It made sense not to notice.

Once, when Connie was fourteen, she found her staring at the stove, milk tea bubbling over from a small saucepan and filling the house with the smell of burnt sugar and spice. She had panicked a little, snapping, "What's wrong with you?" as she recovered from a double shift and frantically switched off the burner.

"I'm sorry!" Connie gasped, grabbing the pan off the heat. "I'm sorry. I drifted off. I-"

"You'll burn the house down!" she had scolded. Because that's what you did when perfectly normal children weren't being careful. 

It was fine. Children did that on occasion, got lost in their own daydreams. Connie always had an overactive imagination. She had often gotten completely lost in a book as a very young girl. It was concerning at her age, but it was fine.

But pieces kept falling into place.

Priyanka remembered Connie at nearly twelve, refusing to take a shower all of a sudden, when she’d never been the type before. A frustrating tantrum. She'd turned on the shower and stood outside the door, insisting that no one was going anywhere until Connie got clean, and Connie had yelled and insisted she'd do it another time and she didn't want to today. The water had run cold by the time Connie abetted, and she emerged from the shower with redrimmed eyes. She couldn't understand how Connie could be so frustrating.

Connie's teachers said that she had wandered off in the aquarium, had refused to go into the tunnels of water, until one chaperone offered to hold her hand. It was funny, really. Cute. Hopefully, she would make some friends and be a bit less lonely, soon. They said that Connie was becoming more open, more friendly, but had her odd quiet moments. It was progress, really. She was becoming a confident young woman. 

And strong, too. She was building muscle and seemed quite sturdy. Connie broke her fingers in a car door with barely a whimper, and held up the broken digits with a surreal, distant look as she mumbled, "If I go to Steven's house, he'll patch them up." It was useful that Steven had healing powers, and good that Connie could keep a rational head while in pain. 

Connie would often shake her head hard, and jokingly complain that her head was full of butterflies, when everything was still and quiet and she was left to think for herself. She would smile and Priyanka checked for an ear infection, just in case, but her daughter was just fine. 

Her hands were always busy, never still the more she grew. Priyanka's schedule fell aside as Connie took over her own. Responsible. Connie declared she was going to go to college early, even, and that seemed like a wonderful plan. 

When Connie would get B's on her tests she would inconsolable and isolate herself in her room. She'd promise she'd do better next time, without Priyanka having to ask. She'd cut down her own TV time. Her own reading time.  She was a remarkably disciplined young woman. Perhaps too hard on herself, but discipline would get her into college. 

Priyanka came home early and found Connie curled up tight on the couch, with an A- final tucked to her chest and hoarse sobs shaking her back, and when she held her daughter close to her heart Connie whispered that she wasn't good enough again and again and that had scared her, of course. But it was only the one time.  She thought it was only the one time. 

She found the ash marks in her pot and Connie explains with a shrug she burned all her ribbons that weren't first place. Connie insisted she wouldn't do it again, because she would only earn blue ribbons from here on out. 

She sent Steven Universe to Priyanka's office.

The world shifted in a day, flipped itself inside out into an awful wrongness. It was always bad to see pain in a child but a child she knew was intolerable. They had to know, of course, just how much of Steven’s pain Connie had seen. Hopefully not much of it. 

When she asked Connie about the past, when she pressed for details and found a wall shoved up again and again and insisted that the lying stop and she be let in, the facade came crashing down. With a muffled shriek as Connie slammed her wrist into her mouth and bit and doubled over on the couch while Doug panicked, frantically begging her to stop.

She had sat there, unable to breathe or move or think or speak as the curtain ripped away and everything she had feared that night at the hospital years ago came to pass.

She was a doctor. She was supposed to know these things, but Connie had always been quiet and reserved at home.

Priyanka remembered the X-Ray where Steven's body crisscrossed with the scars of broken bones and the awful look on his face as his body rippled out of his control and she wondered what her own daughter's body would look like, black and white in a bright, sterile room.

She remembered the stuttering explanation of why, precisely, Lars Barriga had changed color, and wondered just how easily a diplomatic mission could have ended the secret. She wondered just how easily her daughter could have arrived on her doorstep with a missing appetite and locks of dark pink. 

Children. They were only children. 

She covered her mouth to keep the sob from waking Doug and told herself, very firmly, that it made sense not to notice.

Chapter Text

Connie likes to protect him. Her therapist says a lot about that. She says that protecting Steven in healthy ways is a good outlet for her fears of him dying. She says that the strength Connie feels from protecting him is a healthy way to release her worry about being not very strong at all.  She says it’s normal to feel like protecting someone emotionally, comforting them, is a good feeling.

Her therapist stumbles a little, because it's different, but theorizes that being themselves and not Stevonnie is an important kind of comfort. Stevonnie is not skin to skin contact. Connie had felt very awkward opening up about that last part, that she often preferred being together to being together, but skin to skin contact. That was the common refrain. Contact.

She never wore bikinis before. She felt self-conscious. But, alone with him on the beach, far from home, it's nice to barely wear anything so skin could meet skin under the shade of an umbrella. And, when it's with Steven, it doesn't feel weird. The rare times she catches his eyes drifting, it feels loving. Never greedy or grabbing.  He loves her. She loves him. It's comfortable.

Her parents probably wouldn't approve of the positioning, but her mom has been more accepting than she'd thought. Even still, Connie can't help the lies that tumble out of her at every opportunity, making the world easier and smoother. So this private moment will be hidden, with Steven’s cheek nestled over her heart, warm breath flowing softly over her skin. She likes the set up because she can smell him under the strong ocean smell in the air. His scent is comforting and soft and, as she blushingly explained many times when he wanted the reassurance - human and masculine. 

His body rests against hers, his belly and thighs pressing all along the side of her. It was cold at first, both their bodies chilled from the ocean swim, but it's warming now that they’re cuddled up. There's a slight stick to his arm as he moves it against her belly thanks to the remnants of brine on their skin, but it's alright. It's kind of fun to be a little stuck to him, anyway.

She's let him cuddle her to his chest before, but not out in the open. When people can see, she feels better protecting him, but he feels better protected. Sometimes their jagged edges line up like puzzle pieces. So this moment is a caring moment, where the picture comes together. Her fingers brush slowly through his hair. Little knots untangle with the gentlest flick of her finger, and he sighs occasionally from the motions. He's told her a few times that she and his dad are the only people who can brush his hair smooth without yanking, and that's another piece of contentment. A job well done taking care of her boyfriend, one almost no one else can do.

She's looked up the way the tides work here, so she knows that, at this moment, the tide is rolling in. She's carefully checked the waterlines and times and knows that they have at least an hour this far down the beach before water comes for their towels. She smiles a little and rubs his scalp, getting a happy purr from him, and congratulates herself on the proper preparation. Everything is safe. Steven is here too, and he could bubble them so the water can't ruin their day.

He squeezes her softly. "Sing something?" 

"Mmm?" she murmurs, and her nails scratch softly at the spot where curls end and neck begins. "Like what?"

"Laugh-O-Gram?"

"Oh." She closes her eyes, sorting through songs. There’s so many sweet songs from the animated movies of their childhood, so many she has memorized. But the soft ones, the ballads, all seem to require more finesse and gentleness than she’s capable of. She swallows slightly. "I think the pretty ones are too hard for me."

"I'll love it anyway," he promises, and his hand gently find hers, weaving his fingers there like she’s done with his hair. "Please?"

Waves crash against the shore, a quiet, soothing hiss. Occasionally, there's a gull that cries overhead or down the beach. Rarely, there's a voice or two as people walk by. But mostly, they're alone. It's soft. Steven's soft against her. He's always been musical and she's sure that her singing will be a comfort. He wouldn't ask if it wasn't. He’s sung to her so much, hasn’t he? She can sing too. It’s another way to protect him, isn’t it?

She licks her lips and closes her eyes, singing softly, " A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep ." She pauses, waiting for him to laugh and change his mind. But his leg wraps around her thighs and he holds her all the closer. Her arm wraps around his back and she sings the whole song.

Connie sings more songs, and he listens as her voice buzzes through her chest into his ears and vibrates down his belly from the way they're wrapped up together. He feels safe and she knows it. She feels prepared and he knows it.

“Isn’t my heartbeat distracting from the song rhythm?” she murmurs with a smile.

“Nah. Makes it better.” He grins at her, kissing her sticky cheek before dropping his head back down to her chest.

When water rises, she taps his shoulder and a bubble keeps them dry. They take their time in safety, without a thing to rip them apart. 

Chapter Text

Steven and Connie Go to Karaoke

“We could do a duet,” Steven suggested.

Connie whined, hiding her face in his jacket. “No.”

“Come on! It’ll be so fun!” He squeezed her, only to have his girlfriend groan and push more firmly against his chest. “No one’s gonna make fun of you. Your voice is cute! You’re good at singing.”

“Not compared to you.” Her fingers wrapped up tighter in his jacket, and she leaned up in his ear to say, “We can do karaoke if we do it together, okay? Really together.”

“We can’t duet as Stevonnie,” he said, but she pouted up at him, and with a giggle they flowed into a single body and bounced up to the stage.

When Connie Cuddles Him, Steven Floats

He was a little embarrassed the first time it happened. They were still in that weird place, where more physical affection was timid and awkward, and each time they did something he was always ready for her to yank back in surprise or horror.

So, when she snuggled up to his broad chest and his feet left the ground, he expected, like he always expected, for this to be the one thing she couldn’t take. Like always, Connie giggled and embraced it without hesitation. “Should I hang on or let you go?”

He flushed. “Please hang on.”

“Alright,” she said, her arms wrapping around his neck. “But you have to hold me back.”

Steven Reads Connie's Textbook Outloud to Her

“You should get some sleep,” Steven said.

Connie shrugged, leaning over her book. “I just gotta get this stuff in my head. I can manage it. Shakespeare’s just rough at one in the morning.”

“You got up at six.” He sat beside her with a sigh. “Don’t you wanna sleep?”

“I always wanna sleep,” she mumbled.

He took her book, from her hands, ignoring her whine, and said, “I’ll read it to you. Give your eyes a break.”

Connie agreed, and as his voice rolled over old, poetic words with slow, careful pronunciation. He kept quiet, steady, and his girlfriend fell asleep in no time at all, slumped over the table.

He scooped her up and they got some rest.

Steven brings Gamer Connie Some Hot Chocolate and a Blanket

Connie’s grandmother was in the hospital again, and she felt helpless. Steven knew she felt helpless, because a helpless Connie curled up in front of her PC, her eyes focused as she cranked up the difficulty in a game meant to conquer the world or the galaxy, and let the world vanish for a while.

He poured in chocolate chips, remembering Priyanka’s voice on speaker phone, gently, holding as much warmth as it could muster, “Honey, we just don’t know. This could be the last time. It could just be another visit. Just keep calling her, okay? She knows how much you love her.”

Connie had swiped at her eyes and vanished into games, and Steven was happy to give her the day. He set the mug on the counter, plugged in and draped the electric blanket over her shoulders, and was about to leave without a word.

“Steven?” She had looked away from her screen, her eyes a bit watery. “Do you, um… Would you wanna stay and learn to play?”

He pulled up a chair and swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah. I’d love to.”

Inspired by a Submitted Pic of Dinosaur Toys Being Made from Dinosaurs 

It was the first time Steven was coming over to her house. The first time she’d had a friend in her room. Her Dad had winked and said, “Want me to sneak you guys some cool PG-13 movies?” and Connie had groaned, “Dad, he’s gonna think I’m a delinquent! Just… I got this.”

She didn’t have this. She had so many fucking Bionicles. She held one in each hand, staring down in horror, and whispered, “He isn’t gonna get the lore. I’m not gonna stop talking about the lore.”

Connie solved the problem by throwing all her Bionicles in the linen closet, and returned to her toy chest. Obviously, the solution was plastic dinosaurs. She had moved on from such simple toys several years ago, preferring the intricacy of Legos and chemistry kits. But Steven being… six? Eight? She had no idea. He’d probably appreciate dinosaurs.

And he did. He grinned, making them fight and laughing, “These are so cool!”

“Oh! They’re made of plastic!” Connie babbled eagerly. “See, it’s really cool, because plastic is made of oil, and oil is kinda made of dinosaurs. Because dinosaurs lived a really, really long time ago. When they died, their bodies got all pushed into the ground and they melted down and… um…”

She flushed, dropping her eyes. “Sorry. I don’t wanna be annoying.”

“No way! It’s super cool.” Steven beamed, holding up a stegosaurus and wiggling it. “Tell me about this guy!”

“Really?” She rubbed her arm sheepishly. “You don’t have to lie if you’re bored.”

He shook his head. “I mean it. I love it. Tell me everything!”

She did, and thought that maybe next time she’d tell him about the Bionicles.

Steven Likes Stardew Valley

“I know it’s me saying this,” Connie said uncertainly, “but, uh, do you think we should maybe get some sleep?”

Steven’s eyes remained glued to the screen. “Just one more day. I think the wine’ll be ready to sell. Oh, or two days? Because I really want to set up some stuff for the start of the next season before I forget.”

“Do you know how long we’ve been playing?” she giggled, pulling out her phone. “Because it is…oooh my gosh. It’s three in the morning” Her eyes went wide. “Steven, we started playing at noon.”

He mumbled, “So does a couple more days even matter?”

It was hard to argue with that logic.

When Connie Visits Steven on the Road, They Sometimes Fall Asleep Cuddled Together

She sets alarms now, because they keep falling asleep. She knows it’s because he’s finally relaxing, finally taking the opportunity to really, really slow down. She knows it’s because she’s know good at resisting his happy smile, the easy way he squeezed her hand and said, “Wanna lay down?”

Sometimes she slipped asleep there. Sometimes he would read from one of her books, from one of his books, and his rumbling voice would lull her down into slumber. Sometimes it was her own fault, when he fell asleep with his hand in hers and he was so sweet-looking she couldn’t help but curl up beside him.

Steven wasn’t ready to settle yet, and neither was he. Still, every new meeting spot managed to feel like home.

Connie Cuddles Steven to Unwind from Exam Stress

He was playing a game, lazily setting up his farm, lazily mining, lazily selling his crops, because Connie was in one of her moods again. Everything was binders and textbooks and living on pudding cups and alcohol as she crammed madly for a project.

She crept up on the couch, making him look away from the television as she climbed over the arm. She slipped under his arms as he lifted them, her face pressed to his shoulder, her knees by his hips. Her hands came up to tangle in his hair, to rest there.

“You okay, Connie?” he said.

“I just love you,” she said. “I just wanna be with you.”

He eased back into the soft cushions, his girlfriend on his lap, and went back to his lazy, happy farm.

Lion Now Belongs to the Connverse Kid

“I like Lion,” Lucky said, burying her face in his mane. “I like how he feels.”

“Yeah?” Steven grinned. “How’s he feel? Soft?”

“Noooo!”

“Oh, he’s not soft?”

Lucky out her hands on her temple and rubbed. “I like… How he feels… Here.”

“Oh.” Steven blinked.

Connie smiled, scooping up her daughter with a bright smile. “Oooh, up there, huh? How’s he feel up there?”

Lucky dropped her head to her mother’s chest, her little eyes flicking as her brain worked with a few words, a few feelings. Her fingers grabbed and released Connie’s shirt as she thought.

Connie said, “Does he feel safe? Make your brain all cozy?”

She nodded, Steven smiled up at them. “Glad we’ve got a guard cat in the family. Sounds like Lucky has your way with animals.”

Lion pawned at Connie’s leg, and she laughed as she set Lucky back down on his back. “Maybe. But I think he’s actually got a new favorite.”

Steven Practices Fangs Inspired by  @garfleas

CW: very brief biting

“I’m picking up shapeshifting again,” Steven said leisurely. “You know, now that I’m moving away from the gems, I’m trying to see if I can get the hang of it my own way. My organic body isn’t a big fan of all the changes.”

“Ironic.” She laughed, rolling onto her belly on the blankets they shared. The babbling creek beyond serenaded their peaceful, lonely evening. Though, being alone with Connie had its advantages, like silly talks about his powers and lingering kisses.

“Yeah, things tend to get a little funky whenever magic and matter mix, huh?”

“Not always!” He tilted his head so she could get a clear view, then shifted his ear into something elven, softly tapering up to the tip. “I can do this for… I think maybe forever? It doesn’t bother me at all.”

Connie grinned eagerly, sitting up and leaning towards him. Her fingers reached out to playfully flick his ear, and he wrinkled his nose in return. “You could do the best Link cosplay! What cute little ears! But I bet you could do a lot of great cosplays.”

“Maybe a werewolf?” He hummed. “Maybe I should still clear of any animals though. That didn’t really work out so great last time.”

Connie shuddered. “Yeah, skip the animals.”

He looked up at the clear blue sky with a groan. “I don’t wanna add a bunch of stuff either. I think that’s where I get into the most trouble. Making more of me tires me out really fast.”

“Mmm, breaking the laws of physics can make the strongest of us sleepy,” she teased.

“What about a vampire? I can do fangs!” He closed his eyes, focusing on the moving material in his mouth. Not quite sharp - he didn’t want to cut up his own lips every time her smiled. Canines came to a slightly rounded point, enough so that a nip would break through the skin. That would work, as long as he was careful.

Steven bared his fangs with a hiss, and Connie made a cute sound. It was a surprised little squeak as her hands came up to her cheeks. “Oh my gosh, steven! Put those away!”

He slid closer with a sly grin. “How come? I thought you liked vampire stuff.”

“Spooky, evil vampire stuff,” she retorted, trying to push his face away. He was, of course, as immovable as a brick wall. “I’m not into all the romantic boyfriend vampire stuff.”

“I can do both!”

“What if you did neither?” she muttered.

He moved his head, catching his teeth on her hand. Connie went very still in a heartbeat, her breath catching as thoroughly as her finger was caught against his teeth. He felt his heart pick up pace as his eyes met hers. Steven had always liked the romantic boyfriend vampire stuff. Cold, rainy alleyways. Passionate kisses. Fangs against a neck, threatening or promising an eternal, undead life.

It’s not like he would actually chomp down on her, of course. He dropped her hand, moving slowly towards her neck. He saw her Adam’s apple bob as her head rolled back slightly. He gulped in return at the invitation, and slowly pressed his lips against the soft brown skin. A second time. A third.

He heard her take a deep breath, her fingers slowly finding his. “Your healing still works, right? No scars or anything?”

“Uh huh,” Steven said, his own breath starting to come a little hard. “I wasn’t really gonna-”

“Let’s test it,” she said, a nervous little giggle coming from her throat. “D’you think I’ll turn into a hybrid if you do it?”

He mumbled something stupid, something very unsuave like “Probably not”, but it didn’t matter. His mouth opened, his pointed teeth sunk quickly into skin, and Steven was all too glad that their evening was very lonely.