Chapter Text
The mechanical click of the Bunker door locking shut echoes in the hush of a now-empty world. A fitting death knell, he thinks, to mark the beginning of his end. There is no going back now...
Marcus Kane stands surrounded by the unconscious bodies of his people - the poor souls he’d chosen to die. Their sleeping forms fracture and multiply through tears as he struggles to blink them away. He and the other volunteers had laid them outside the Bunker as carefully and respectfully as they could, but nothing was going to change the fact that the faces before them, still so full of life, were about to be corpses. He can only pray that they pass away peacefully in their sleep.
“I'm so sorry,” he whispers, knowing there isn’t a soul who could ever hear him. Like them, he was no more than a ghost now.
Indra had tried to reassure him in her ever stoic, matter-of-fact way that his actions - no matter how hard they were to bear - ensured the rest of his people would live. He had given what was left of Skaikru a chance for peace and a future and she would have done the same in his position. He understands. Is grateful for her solace, but isn’t willing to let himself off the hook. Not for this. Not for any of it. No matter how many people he saves, so many more are lost and he’s tired of losing.
And he sure as hell isn't going to lose Abby Griffin.
“I need you to pull 81 names from the bowl." His mind repeats this moment over and over as he tries to hold onto this last vestige of her - no matter how painful it may be to remember. He can’t forget the hollow tone of her voice. The defeated lines etched into her tired face. The dying embers of a once roaring flame flickering out in her eyes.
Foolishly, he’d let her walk away, still trying to wrap his head around the full gravity of her words. He tried to imagine a world in which Abby Griffin didn’t exist, but there was no version of reality he could ever conjure that was worth living in without her.
For as long as he can remember - big or small, good or bad - she’s been a part of his life. The girl with the ponytail in class he couldn’t take his eyes off of. The medical genius upstaging them all. The hard-working mother everyone admired. The persistent thorn in his side. His supportive co-leader and friend through thick and thin. The light in his darkness. The love of his life…
No. That couldn’t be the last time he ever saw her. Those couldn’t be their last words. That couldn’t be their end. He’d give anything to have that moment back. To have just one more minute with her...
He had wanted to give her space to think, to change her mind, to choose him - to choose life - but preoccupied with his task of drawing the names, he didn’t have a chance to go after her even if he wanted to.
He had scanned the crowd, taking in every face, but couldn’t find hers. Perhaps she had chosen not to be present and he’d find her afterward by herself and they’d talk and work things out and they’d move on from this like they always do… but she never appeared. Not in the chaos of Jaha’s near-successful coup. Not even among the faces of the gassed citizens. His growing dread had turned his insides to stone. Somehow, deep down, he knew: she was gone.
Only one group had left since the doors opened: the team spearheaded by Clarke and Bellamy going to retrieve Raven from the island nearly two hours before. He immediately knew that’s where she would be - knew what her plans would be - and he had to get to her. Now.
He tells himself maybe he can convince her to get on the rocket and live and they’d all go to space together? Maybe, somehow, they could make it back in time before the doors closed once and for all? But deep down he knew it wouldn’t be that easy. How do you make someone live who doesn’t want to? How do you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved?
Either way, he was determined to live or die by her side.
Unsurprisingly, he was met with resistance upon telling Indra, Octavia and Jaha about his decision when he’d gathered them in the main office to say his goodbyes. But despite their well-intentioned protests, they ultimately understood his reasons and allowed him to leave in peace.
He tried to give them each the best of his love. He had hugged Indra and Jaha with a strength that reflected the enormity of his gratitude for their friendship. Then he turned to Octavia, who was struggling to maintain her composure. Time may not have allowed them to bond as much as he’d wanted but whether she showed it or not, he knew she cared about him, in her own way, and was struggling to hide the pain of losing yet another loved one today. “Ste yuj,” he whispered into her ear as he held her close. The parting words that Lincoln had once shared with him finally coaxing a tear from her eye.
He exits the room with one last grateful look to each of them, comforted by the knowledge that the people were in good hands. He and the others had done the best they could to keep them alive and despite the unforgivable casualties, mankind would endure and that was good enough for him. His time of leadership was over. The task that he dedicated himself to so many years ago as a boy joining the ranks of the Guard, finally complete…
Strengthened by this thought once more, he finally turns away from the Bunker entrance, imagining them one day emerging and starting a new life above ground. Building homes, starting families - living the happy, prosperous lives they deserved.
Walking further into the open thoroughfares of Polis, the murky, hot air quickly thickens around him. He barely stifles a cough, already the radiation stealing its way into his body. He pulls his heavy jacket closer around him, hoping it will protect him from some of the exposure and ties a worn piece of cloth he’d found (remnants of an old, torn shirt) over his face to shield his mouth and nose. Jaha had provided him with a pair of goggles on his way out (a parting gift to aid his friend’s final endeavor) and he secures them gratefully around his eyes. It’s all a poor attempt to protect himself from the radiation but the only options he had. It wasn’t supposed to save him, only keep him alive long enough to find her.
Without a vehicle available, he had no other option but to ride. Octavia had instructed him to take Helios, whom she had sheltered in an old building that had been altered for housing livestock in the Northwest corner of Polis. He can hear it before he sees it. The sound of anxious cries from the poor animals left behind carries far in the near silence.
He searches for the chestnut horse inside and finds him at the far end tied to a wooden post. Helios snorts loudly when he sees him approach, the whites of his eyes flashing fearfully in the gloom. With no protection from the air, the radiation has already begun to infect the horse.
As quickly as he can, Kane takes hold of the rope halter. The sweat-stained horse jerks its head back, ready to flee, but is unable to escape the constraints of his bonds.
“Whoa, easy.” He holds his hands up to try and calm the animal, aware that his already anxious heart is doing nothing to help. “You know me.”
To his relief, Helios inhales wheezily through the discharge coming out of his nostrils, recognizing Kane’s scent and calms long enough for him to pet his muzzle appreciatively and clamber onto his bare back. He’s never ridden before but he’s seen Indra and Octavia do it plenty of times. He had no other choice but to try.
He leans forward and puts a steadying hand on the horse’s tensed neck. “We have a long way to go and little time to get there.”
Finding his seat, Kane positions the lead of the halter to act as reins the best he can and urges Helios forward into a flat-out gallop, navigating the desolate city before racing into the snow-laden forest after the woman he loves. Desperate to reach her before the end.
I’m coming, Abby...
-------------------------------------------------------
With a heavy heart, Abby Griffin watches as the blinding steam of the rocket disappears into the storm choked atmosphere from the top of the radio tower. There was nothing more she could do now but hope that her last efforts to save her daughter and the other kids had paid off. As long as they were safe, this trip had been worth it.
Upon preparing to launch, a malfunction with a circuit board had required a volunteer to go outside to reactive it and she didn’t hesitate to accept the task. Clarke, perceptive as ever, had read the determination in her mother during this time, adding it all up, and ascertained what she had been planning. The rocket was going into space, but she wouldn’t be on it. This was goodbye...
Clarke tries to call her over the coms from inside the spacecraft, her tearful voice begging her mother not to stay behind even as she knew there was no time to make it back before the launch. Abby desperately tried to soothe her from the top of the tower where she’d successfully reactivated the device.
“Clarke, listen to me. Listen to me, honey, it’s okay. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, mom. I love – “ Static.
She was gone.
It takes everything in Abby not to completely expire on the spot. The weight falls from her limbs. The very breath in her lungs escaping her as she fathoms the last moments she’ll ever share with her daughter. Abby had nearly died multiple times in her life, but this was by far the closest to death she’s ever felt…
Clarke was safe, she told herself as she struggled to reclaim her autonomy, she’d cared for her the best she could and now her task as a parent was complete. She had saved her, Raven, Bellamy, Echo, Emori, Murphy, Monty and Harper. Eight souls as her absolution to make up for so many atrocities...
An Earth trembling boom claims her attention. From this high vantage point it was easy to see the mile-high wall of fire steal ever closer down the valley. The involuntary need for flight surges within her, but she forces herself to swallow the fear and picks her way slowly down the spire to land gently in the snow below. There was no time for fear now.
With her mind made, she slowly removes her helmet, trading clean oxygen for the poisonous air. She estimates the exposure will kill her in a matter of minutes but it doesn’t matter. The storm will reach her first.
She contemplates going back inside the lab to wait but decides to remain outside. She was born inside the constraints of ceilings and walls, she’ll die in the open, under the full strength of the flames just like her people left out of the Bunker - the people she had sentenced to death when she opened the door.
She would see them soon at least. Jake and her parents as well - countless loved ones she’s lost. She coaxes Clarke’s face to come to her, trying to push past the pain and resurrect only their best memories together. Of relishing the sound of her daughter's carefree laugh as they watch a funny old recording together on the Ark. Of braiding her long, golden hair while talking about her day at school. Of countless dinners shared together as a family. Reading stories of Earth late at night and imagining what life had been like for their ancestors. The unforgettable feeling of Clarke's frail, newborn hand wrapping around her fingers the day she was born...
Tears spring to her eyes, a sudden surge of maternal warmth rushing through her as strong as it had 18 years ago. If there’s one thing she can definitively say about her life with pride is that she truly loved with her whole heart. She loved her daughter more than life itself; she’d loved Jake Griffin for so long, she’d loved and served her people as best she could and she’d loved Marcus Kane more than she ever thought was possible...
Marcus.
Despite her best efforts, she lets her mind indulge, one last time, in the image of his smile, bright as a new-dawn sun. In the special way he looked at her that never failed to make her heart flutter. The cherished security of his solid form pressing her to him in a comforting hug. The electric sensation of his lips meeting hers for the first time. The indescribable bliss when they joined their bodies as one. The way his face fell and world shattered when she told him she didn’t want to stay in the Bunker…
She’d been trying to keep the thought of him at bay ever since she left. Desperate to try and erase him from her thoughts lest she breaks and goes rushing back to him. She can only imagine what he'll feel when he finds out where she's gone. It was a cruel decision - one she'd never wish on her worst enemy - but here she was doing it to the very man she loved. She’d taken his heart with her and left him with a final memory that will haunt him the rest of his life...
"We will find our humanity again." He’d promised, holding her face in that tender way he always did when he was trying to console her. Hope gleamed in his warm eyes and she could almost smile at the strength of his conviction. She loved him for it… but it wasn't going to work. Not this time. Not for her.
She could see no future for herself after all that had happened these last few weeks - not after all the things she'd done. She barely recognized herself anymore. She was just the ghost of the woman he loved now, already close to fading away forever.
And even if she had stayed, she knew she wasn’t going to last that long anyway.
Abby had yet to suffer the seizures that Raven had but she could still feel the strange sickness worming its way within her. Trembling hands and cold sweats had plagued multiple nights staying at the lab. The headaches came later, the pressure increasing gradually from merely a nuisance to almost debilitating. She knew her condition was getting worse and she wasn’t going to make him watch her suffer. This was a mercy - for both of them.
She bites her bottom lip, struggling to keep herself from breaking down again.
“Forgive me, Marcus…”
She wraps her arms around her stomach as if to hold herself together, tears flowing ceaselessly now. She holds onto the fact that her loved ones were safe and alive once more and that’s all that mattered. She prays to whatever higher being is out there for them to have long, happy, fulfilling lives.
She can barely feel the tears on her burning face now as the harsher winds approach, ripping at her hair and suit, eager for another victim. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, forcing herself to relax as she tilts her head back into the oncoming gale, welcoming the end...
“Abby!”
Her eyes snap open.
It had to be the wind, or her mind playing one last trick on her. She was alone… she had to be...
“Abby!”
A man’s voice; unmistakable this time. Someone was out there. She turns as a dark figure slowly materializes through the angry, fire-kissed haze.
As if her very thoughts had summoned him, there he was…
Marcus.