Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

To say that Michelangelo was freaking out would have been an understatement of the century. In fact, he was actually on the verge hyperventilating, and if it wasn't for Don's calming presence right next to him, Mikey was sure he would have passed out long ago. But Donnie was here, all logical and reassuring as he always was, if not a bit annoyed with all of Mikey's constant jerks and jolts at being stitched up. Mikey was never one to like being sown. He actively tried to not get anything that would not require anything more then a simple bandage. 

And it’s not that he was scared of needles, no that was Leo. Mikey just hated the pain that came from being stitched up.

But right at this moment, the stitching isn’t what was bothering him. Mikey leaned against Donnie's chair a bit more as his brother sewed up the large gash on his left arm, when his brother let out an exasperated sign, "Mikey, take a breathe, your overreacting."

Mikey gave the genius turtle an incredulous look. Seriously? "Overreacting? Don, did you see that thing? It was like if Nightmares and Death had a baby!”

Donnie didn't look the least bit concerned, "Yes, Mike. I saw it, I was there too, you know." Mikey watched as Don skillfully stitched up the wound, feeling a little ignored and hurt by Don’s lack of concern.

Which had always been an automatic way of upsetting him, especially when in a situation such as this. "Then why aren't you more freaked out? Why aren’t you doing, I don’t know blood tests!? We don't know where that thing was when it ambushed us, it could have had given me a disease or rabies." His voice was carrying, it echoed and bounced off the walls of Donnie's lab and out into the rest of the Lair.

No doubt Leo and Raph could hear him at this point.

"Hell, I could loose my whole arm—!" Mikey flinched in pain as the needle in Donnie's hand jerked suddenly, poking him just a little too deep into his flesh.

Mikey looked down at his brother, a glare on his face, ready to make a snappy remark, but paused the moment he saw the look of shock spread a crossed Don's features, for a moment or two, Donnie's eyes looked lost and distant, glazed over expression, something Mikey couldn’t quite identify, it was like his brother was reliving something Mikey couldn't see, then it vanished just as quickly as it had come, with a visible shake of his head. It took him all of three seconds to realize the extent of what he had said. 

Well shit....

”Donnie, I didn’t mean—“

Blinking, haze clearing, Donnie went back to work. "You're not gonna lose your arm, Mikey. I've already disinfected the cut, plus I'm using a serialized needle as extra precaution. And I’ve made sure you all had your shots, so getting a disease or rabies is also not a possibility either. Trust me, I've been entirely thorough." Mikey watched as Don set the needle down and began wrapping his arm up with gauze. "You're fine, Mikey."

Mikey tried to ignore the fact that Don’s voice still sounded a bit distant. Gently, Mikey reached up and rubbed at his left arm. He gazed at it for a moment and then to his genius brother. Big blue eyes completely serious, "You sure?" Because the thought of getting a deadly disease from those feral mutated things scared Mikey more then he was ever going to really admit, he was far too young to die and still had so much more to do with his brothers. “Like really sure? That I’m okay?” 

At his change in demeanor, Don gave him a look of sympathy, and affectionately patted his shoulder. "Yes, you’re gonna be fine. I promise." Looking so sure and confident in himself that how could Mikey not believe him? After all, Donnie was the smartest turtle he knew, if anybody knew what they were talking about it was him.

Letting out loud and quiet obnoxious sigh, he nodded.

"Okay."

A day or two afterwards, he was in the middle of getting ready to beat his high score on his game when Leo popped out of the void like the ninja he was and told him to get ready, that they were leaving soon to visit April, and since Karai was on the assault looking for them, they were gonna have to find a new way to see their friends. Luckily, Donnie found some old, abandoned tunnel that conveniently led to April's basement, but unfortunately, as their luck always goes, they were gonna have to dig their way there.

The process was hell on his arm, though.

Don, thankfully, came to his rescue by advising him not to overdo it, warning him that too much manual labor could pull out the stitching in his arm. Then delegated all shoveling duties to Leo, who accepted without complaint once he noticed the accumulation of sweat on Mikey's forehead, which Mikey found odd, because they had barely begun digging and he was already sweating? It was odd, but if it got him out of work and made his arm feel better, he was perfectly content to sit back and order his brothers around as he lounged against a rock. Donnie rolled his eyes, Leo scoffed, and Raph threatened to throw a dirt clod in his direction, all with a grin on his face.

When they arrived at April's, they exchanged greetings, hugs, and even explained why they had dug a tunnel into her basement. While this was going on, Mikey sat in his chair, absentmindedly rubbing his aching arm. April seemed to notice, which was not surprising given his lack of subtlety. "What happened to your arm, Mikey?"

Donnie was quick to answer as he sat the closest to her, "He kinda got a bug bite."

Mikey scoffed, with an exaggerated laugh, "That's an understatement, bro."

Then Raph interjected with, "Yeah, it was really big bug."

Mikey shook his head, gesturing with his right hand, wanting to give more emphasis, "Try huge. Like gigantic and grotesque and all kinds of bad. Like cut me up, like almost lost my arm worthy of bad.” 

Leo places a hand on Miley’s shoulder to stop him from talking but the words were already out of his mouth and out of the corner of his eyes, Don flinched ever so slightly, before recovering quickly. “I told you, Mikey. You won’t lose your arm.” 

Raph, oblivious to the obvious tension Don held against his shoulders, simply waved it all off, “Don’t pay attention to him, Donnie. He’s just exaggerating, as usual.” 

There was a knock on the door then, causing them all to freeze in place. Using the skills Splinter taught them; they hide, as they were trained to do. Thankfully, they all collectively released a sigh of relief when it was revealed to be April's sister, Robin, showing for a surprise visit. And that’s when they all knew they had to leave a little earlier than they all actually wanted too, which did disappoint them out a little, because if anyone could understand needing to spend time with siblings, it was the four of them.

So they left, with smiles on their faces. 

A few hours later, Mikey was preparing dinner for everyone, and as he was seasoning the paprika chicken he cooked with salt and pepper, he felt the pain in his arm, which eventually caused him to sneeze. And it wasn't just one sneeze; it had turned into a string of three in a row, so unexpected that all he could do was stand there until his head stopped spinning. When he finally opened his eyes, they were blurry but cleared when he rubbed them.

At least he didn't get any of the snot on dinner, that would have been such a waste of ingredients.

"Woah, Mikey? You okay?" Leo inquired, concerned, because of course his older brother would walk into the kitchen at that precise moment. "You only sneeze that much when you’re starting to get a cold."

"Oh great, that's exactly what we need." Raph grumbled as he too, walked into the kitchen, holding a cup in his hands. "Everyone knows he has a tendency to milk it for all it's worth."

His left eye twitched at that, and Mikey rubbed the snot that was leaking down his face and skillfully wiped it across Raph's shell as he walked away with his dinner. Leo noticed this and simply rolled his eyes, shaking his head. Mikey triumphantly grins, only to sneeze again a few seconds later. Leo’s expression morphed from amused, to worry once more. His elder brother approached him, reached out and touched his brow, letting out a low hum in deep thought. "You don't feel warm, but you are looking paler than you normally do." He didn't understand why Leo was making such a big deal about it; he was fine. No amount of pain in his arm or sneezes will bring him down.

Donnie said he was fine, so that’s how he’ll stay.

Just fine.

Laughing, he merely waved off his brother's hand in concern, smiling cheerfully. "No worries, Leo. I probably used too much pepper making dinner, I'm fine."

Leo didn't look entirely convinced, but he backs off anyway, knowing that his brothers had their boundaries. "Well, if you're sure."

Mikey grinned, using his thumb he pointed to his chest, "As sure as I'm Battle Nexus Champion."

Leo smiled fondly, letting out a soft chuckle, patting his shell. Mikey noticed that Leo and Donnie didn't seem to be as bothered anymore whenever Mikey gloated about being Battle Nexus Champion, in fact, they seem to be proud whenever he brought it up. However, a distant groan could be heard within the living room. Whether it was because of his comment or because Raph discovered his little gift on his shell, regardless Mikey smiled. 

Yeah, he was fine...

Mikey had to admit that when Donnie took him and April to a museum, he initially assumed his brother was kidding. Because Don might have found all that historical information intriguing, and April and Leo might have secretly agreed to make Donnie happy.

But him and Raph?

History tended to fly over Mikey's head when he really didn't want to pay attention and Raph, well, Raph would rather punch something then learn about stuff like the Boston Tea Party. But Leo, ever the pleasing big brother, had all big dragged him and Raph along for the ride over to the museum.

"I'm telling ya right now, this is a bad idea." Raph said as they walked along the staircase following behind Donnie and April. "We all know that these disguises can only do so much."

Mikey couldn't help but agree. Being out here in the open with all these people was just asking for an ambush. "Raph’s right, I got a bad feeling about this."

But Donnie merely scoffed at them, "What are you talking about, this is gonna be great." The joy in Don's voice was clear as day, no wonder Leo agreed to let them do this, who could say no to Donnie when he had that expression on his face? "How can you not be excited about being in a museum?"

He and Raph both looked at each other simultaneously and chanted out a low "Boooring!" in unison.

"You won't think that when we get to the main attraction!" Don said as they all rounded the corner and continued walking.

Mikey joked about his hope that this next attraction was a snack bar, because man was he getting hungry, he really noticed just how hungry he’s becoming lately. Just two days ago, he ate a whole box of family-sized cereal for breakfast, followed by five full-sized hamburgers, a plate of chili fries, and a liter of Pepsi for lunch. The kicker was that he was still hungry after that.

The whole thing was just weird.

So he joked, complained, and did his normal Mikey thing, until Leo appeared behind him and informed him that the museum would be shutting shortly, but that they all needed to maintain a low profile. It's good to know that even though Leo had consented to this, he was still cautious as he always was. Mikey opened his lips to respond, because that's precisely what he and Raph had been trying to convey, when a sudden sneeze tore itself from Mikey's throat. And of course seeing as they were in an excellent acoustic environment, the sound reverberated strongly throughout the structure.

Mr. Sneeze strikes again. Mikey thought annoyingly, as he rubbed at his eyes and the snot dripping down his beak.

"Gazoontight." Donnie stated as they continued walking.

Leo however, held back to place a hand on his shell. "You okay, Mike? You've been looking a little under the weather lately. You sure you aren't coming down with a cold?"

Mikey, as before, just waved off his brother's worries. "I told you, bro. I'm a-okay. Just the sniffles, you know I get allergies during this time of year." Which wasn't a lie, he did tend to get a stuffy nose during this time where the pollen in the air becomes a cluster within the wind and rain.

He heard Leo sigh behind him, but Mikey ignored him and kept walking until they returned to their little group, just in time to hear Donnie gleefully declare, "Dinosaurs!"

Mikey smiled affectionately at Don's enthusiasm; Donnie loved dinosaurs as much as Mikey loved comic books, and his brother's infectious personality was enough to make him forget about his sniffles.

And then

Turtle luck true to form

Savanti Romero just decided to, you know, randomly crash the party with a message from the past, stating that they were all doomed and their future would be erased all because of him. Then if it couldn't get any worse, Renet showed up just as abruptly as Savanti did and whisked them all away to the dinosaur age.

It should be a dream come true for Donnie, but it wasn't because now they had to fight for their lives against ferocious dinosaurs while battling Savanti and protect Renet. Which of course, didn't go well either, because Romero got her anyway.

Seriously, did the dudette not know how to dodge out of an oncoming threat?

They were now travelling in the domain of huge ancient lizards, fighting for their lives. It wouldn't be so horrible if he could just stop sneezing so much, it was proving more difficult than it had previously. He also noted that as they traveled to find Renet, he was lagging a little behind. Mikey had grown accustomed to being behind his brothers; it had almost become second nature for them to always be in front of him.

But this time, he notices how much faster they are walking than he was.

He moved to match their pace, he halted in his tracks as another sneeze hit him so hard that he saw stars in his eyes for a few seconds as his body convulsed, dropping him to his knees. As he tried to compose himself, Leo called out to him and ran towards him. "Mikey!?"

Donnie was close behind Leo, reaching out and placing a palm on his forehead and face. "Feels like he has the beginnings of a fever starting."

"So it is a cold." Leo stated, exasperated, and worried all at the same time, "Mikey, you told me it was nothing."

Raph let out a groan, "Great, cuz this is exactly what we need."

Mikey's left eye twitched at Raph's comment. He pushed Don's hand away and continued walking, "I'm fine, it's just a stupid fucking cold."

His back towards them, he hadn’t see their shared look of concern for him, as they all marched onward. 

According to Donnie, if they didn't get Renet back along with the Time Scepter, they were all gonna be wiped out with all the other dinosaurs.

Man, they couldn't catch a break, could they?

The worst thing about this whole situation, between, the dinosaurs and evil mastermind sorcerers and saving Renet, all that had been the easy part. Now here they were waiting to for their end, from a giant rock hurdling towards them. 

Yet despite that, Mikey could acknowledge that after three months of living here and surviving with his brothers and Renet and all these dinosaurs, he had become accustomed to being here for so long, and he wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. To adjust to such a life full with feral beats ready to make them their meal around every corner. There was a type of peacefulness, a contentment that he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

Yet if it wasn’t for this damn cold, maybe he would be able to enjoy the rest of his time with his brothers. But his body refused to allow it, he couldn’t hardly move, lethargic and vertigo encapsulated his body long ago, his nose was full of snot, and his temperature kept fluctuating, Leo and Donnie did their best, but without adequate medication and supplies from home, all they could do was wait and hope the disease passed quickly. He could tell that Donnie was worried, yet he tried not to show it, his brother sat next to him, holding his hand, a terror in his eyes that told Mikey that his genius brother was terrified that the sickness would take him before the comet ever did. 

"I know we saved all of humanity but... to go out like this?"

Leo didn't know how true his words were to Mikey. They've all been through so much these last few years, so much triumphs and hardships, and to get offed by a stupid flaming rock in the sky seems like a poor way to go out in his opinion. He tried to speak, but a couch ripped through him, Donnie held his hand.  

Then Raphael shell shocked them all by showing up with the fucking Time Scepter itself. "It was inside the fish, can ya believe it?"

And Mikey, with newfound vigor he hasn’t had in months, jumped to his feet, vertigo be damned, he grabbed the stupid staff and handed it to Renet. 

"Let's get the hell outta here."

Chapter Text

His cold wasn't going away.

In fact, it was slowly, ever so slowly getting worse. Whenever he thought he had a hold on it, it would surprise him with a series of sneezes, causing his eyesight to blur and a fever to come out of nowhere. And Mikey tried hard not to look concerned by it, because the last thing he wanted was Raph ridiculing or criticizing him for 'milking it' for too long, but it was difficult.

God, it was difficult....

And he wasn't being subtle about it either, though he couldn't really disguise a fit of sneezing or a spell of dizziness when someone experiences them at the most inconvenient of times. 

For example, when he sneezed into the popcorn bowl during a movie night and splattered kernels everywhere. Or when they were all heading back after a typical night of patrol, and he was hit from head to toe with vertigo. He'd almost passed out if it hadn't been for the wall he was leaning against, or when he was cooking and had to stifle a sneeze so hard that he cut himself on the knife he was using to slice the onions. 

Thankfully, his brothers and father were unaware of any of this. They'd stay that way if he had anything to say about it.

Or at least, that's what he thought.

But it all came to a head when they started their daily training sessions, and Mikey's vision clouded and he felt like he was being swallowed up by an abyss of nothingness, only to wake up a few seconds later with his brothers kneeling over him and his head on his father's lap. Splinter then halted training short and told the other three that they would be responsible for him for the rest of the day.

The thought burned him internally. Mikey didn't need to be looked after, he wasn't the same child who used to be sick all the time. He was seventeen years old, thus he didn't need to be treated like a child. He dragged himself to his feet, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I'm fine, guys. I probably just need to eat something, didn't have breakfast this morning; low metabolism and all that, you know?"

He felt Leo stop him with a hand of his shoulder, “Mikey, hold on." 

He watched Don move as well, gently grasping his wrist, Mikey could feel the concern practically dripping off of Donnie, “You shouldn't get up so quickly, Mike."

Raph, who had approached Leo, just crossed his arm. His expression was no longer concerned, but relaxed, indicating that he accepted Mikey's tale about skipping breakfast. "Nah, let him go, Leo. Goofball needs to learn to take better care of him." And the remark wasn't even particularly offensive because Mikey did have a poor tendency of not taking care of himself, as did they all.

But still—

His eye twitched, his arm throbbed, but he didn't notice as rage welled up within him. 

As the walls of the lair closed in on him, he felt as if he were suffocating, as if they were all ganging up on him and backing him into a corner.  He wanted  them to stop, to leave him alone. With his jaw clenched hard, he let out an almost inhuman snarl and wrenched himself away from Leo and Donnie, whirling around so quickly he believed he'd give someone whiplash, and shoved them aside. He watched as his brothers, caught off guard by his quick action, stumbled backwards, landing hard on the ground and became entangled in each other's writhing limbs.

For the first few moments, there was nothing but silence.

Mikey stared down at his brothers on the ground, then at his arms, which were still rigid and splayed. He seemed to stand there for decades, just looking at them while the rage faded. 

Donnie and Leo were the first to glance up at him; the expression of perplexity on his brothers' faces as they blinked at him was enough to shake Mikey out of his trance; remorse and bile boiled in his chest, ready to burst.

He just wanted them to leave him alone because he felt like he couldn't breathe, like he was losing his hold on the sanity that he was already desperately clinging to, but now?

Now he wanted to get away from them because—

Because what had he done?

Yes, it wasn't all that horrible. Yes, he hadn't threatened or hit them, but he still acted, moved with the aim to harm, to make them leave him alone. And it was not him. That wasn't the Mikey everyone knew, nor was it the Mikey he knew. He was a jokster who loved pizza and comic books and was always smiling and laughing.

Not this—

God never this

And what was that snarl about? He sounded like a wild animal.

Mikey sped out of the dojo before anyone could stop him. He could hear Splinter and his brothers calling out to him, but he ignored them as he fled out of the lair and into the sewers, blindly running through the sewage water. His heart was racing at a million miles per hour, and his breath caught in his throat. He has no idea where his legs are leading him until he bangs into something, staggering backward, almost landing directly on his shell, but a giant hand caught him and stabilized him.

Looking up, he saw that he collided with Leatherhead.

"Michelangelo?" The larger mutant said with genuine surprise, "This is quite the surprise, what—" Leatherhead stopped abruptly, now he's giving Mikey a look of concern. "My friend, what is wrong?"

All Mikey could do was stand there, as his eyes shifted from Leatherhead, down to his arms. The very arms he used to push his brothers, feeling as though he caused a rift between him and them. A gaping hole where there was no possible way of jumping to the other side where they were.

"I— I just..." He hadn't realized he was crying, until his vision blurred. "I..."

God, what was wrong with him?

He felt strong arms wrap around him and gently pulled him into a hug. It took everything Mikey had in him to not shatter right then and there.

Oh he cried, naturally, because he was the sensitive one, but he did not break, he just cracked a little, just enough to cling to Leatherhead. Because he feared if he were to completely fall apart, that he wouldn't be able to put himself back together again. So he cried for as long as he needed to, but never broke, never shattering, no matter how much he wanted to. And Leatherhead, bless his heart, held him through it all, even after the tears stopped and Mikey's eyes drooped shut.

When he woke, he at first didn't know where he was, sitting up he noticed a blanket had been draped over him. Mikey blinked a few times, rubbing at his eyes as they were now irritated and swollen from crying, then someone gently push down on his plastron.

It was Leo

Of course, it was Leo

For a moment, he felt fear raise in his chest, but then that evaporated when Leo spoke. "Easy, Mikey. You got a fever while you were here with Leatherhead, but it broke an hour ago, still Donnie said you still need to lay down." Leo's calming voice was enough to create a lump to form in his throat, his eyes stung.

God, how could he had ever wanted Leo to leave him alone? His oldest brother had been gone for two months before and that had been painful enough, how could he have gotten so angry for no reason? "L-Leo..."

"Aw, Mikey." Then that same hand, softly touched his head, rubbing it gently. Leo pressed his forehead to his and smiled. "It's okay, little brother."

God, Leo’s understanding gaze always made him feel so much worse, he clung to Leo’s shoulders, shaking, "Leo..."

But Leo simply shushed him soothingly, as he pulled away, still keeping his hand on Mikey's head as he turned and said, "Don? Raph? He's awake." In the split second it took Mikey to blink, Donnie and Raph were suddenly there, right next to Leo.

"How're you feeling, Mikey?" Donnie asked, while Raph stayed silent, which wasn't a surprise, really.

Hearing Don's voice laced with that same soothing tone as Leo's made his eyes well up again. God, what was wrong with him? He's hungry all the time, he's flip flopping between being so angry and crying seconds later? Last time he checked, only girls had to deal with these types of things, and he definitely wasn't a girl. "D-Donnie..." His breath hitches, yet again. "I'm sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me, guys... I'm sorry."

Don reached forward and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Raph walked around the couch and grasped his shoulder, once again saying nothing. "It's okay, Mikey. There's nothing wrong with you. Well, not anything dangerous, Leatherhead explained it to us while you were sleeping."

Then Leatherhead stepped forward into his line of sight. "As I have explained to your brother, Michelangelo. And from what they have informed me when they arrived here, the hunger, your rage, and overactive emotional state, you appear to be going through the normal maturing stage of adolescence. Or in other words—"

"Puberty?" He finished incredulously, suddenly, his sadness and guilt were now replaced by annoyance, he bolted up from where he sat, once again catching his brother's off guard. "I'm seventeen though, that doesn't even make any sense!"

"People maturing into adolescence technically have no age calculator. Everyone is different, and much more so in your case, since you happen to be a mutant turtle and not a human." Leatherhead explained calmly, as he adjusted the glass on his face.

That does make sense, but the annoyance was still boiling in his chest. All this time, this was the cause of everything, its stupid and ridiculous! "But still! Like really? Fucking puberty is why I'm acting like this?"

Leatherhead didn't seem at all bother by him swearing, not like Leo and Donnie were.

They're eyes bulged out and they looked shocked, and if Mikey wasn't already frustrated, he would have found that genuinely funny. Leatherhead continued, "That and the cold you have been apparently hiding is most likely a contributing factor.”

Leatherhead adjusted his glasses against his snout. “When others are ill, they tend to be more emotional then they usually are, which your brothers have informed me that you are more so then normal.” Mikey turned his gaze towards his brothers, only Raph was brave enough to smile at him. “And in your case, going through adolescences and being sick is a bad combination. But not an uncommon one. You simply just need to let your illness run it's coarse, which unfortunately has yet to happen. But once it does that should take care of half of your affliction. The other will sort itself out eventually as well with time."

Don sat down next to him and gently place an arm around his shoulder, "See Mikey? You're fine."

Raph let out a chuckle, and gently gave Mikey a noogie. "Ya knucklehead, yer maturin’. About time too."

Leo moved and sat on the arm of the couch, reaching forward he place his hand on Mikey's arm, "We've all been there, Mikey. You're gonna be fine." With all three of his brothers reassuring him that it was nothing, that he was gonna be okay, how could he not believe it himself?

Inhaling a deep breath, Mikey sighed. Feeling relieved and still relatively frustrated, he smiled.

"Okay."

It seemed that Leatherhead had been correct when he said that his cold had yet to run it's coarse. He had been right, just like Donnie always was.

Mikey had felt fine the entire morning; he ate a normal sized meal, his fuse wasn’t as short as it had been before and he didn’t feel like he was going to break down at the smallest inconvenience.

it didn’t seem like much, but compared to how he had been this was a major improvement. 

But when they started on their way out topside in their way from a suspected mutant sighting at the Power Plant, that was when Mikey started to have that same familiar sensation of body aches, of those familiar chain of intense sneezes, but also now on top of all that, nausea was now present as well.

Which Mikey found ironic, because he usually had a iron stomach, almost always immune to the trails and troubles of overeating and indigestion but during those rare times where he was either sick or stressed out, his stomach flat out turns against him, turning that once iron stomach into a ticking time bomb. It's mostly why he's been skipping meals lately, always finding an excuse to not eat, "Oh I ate while I was cooking", because the thought of eating anything made his stomach churn, but he never actually vomited.

Until everything came to a head when he barfed in the BattleShell.

Or more so, next to the BattleShell.

He barely had time to tell Donnie to pull over and throw the door open, before it all came out in a heap of body shakes and dry heaves. His body was trembling so much that he almost fell face first into the substance if Leo hadn't caught him by the shoulders and pulled him back. Donnie turned the engine off and his brothers all crowded around him. But Mikey could hardly hear what they were saying, he felt so dizzy and disoriented, lost in a sea of his own sickness as his body felt like it was on fire with the intense heat of his fever.

He closed his eyes, and moaned miserably.

God, he hated this, hated being sick. It was the absolute worst and it always seemed to hit him harder then the rest of his brothers. Distantly, he felt a hand on his forehead, and travel down his shoulder, then he heard Leo's voice softly speak, "Easy, Mikey. We're taking you to April's so she can look after you."

He wanted to complain, wanted to say he was fine, but even he knew there was no faking this. Besides, he was in to much pain to even think about lying. 

The ride over there was long enough for the dizzy spell he was under to fade slightly. He blinked and saw Donnie in front of him, his brother gently grabbed his arms and pulled him to his feet while Don carried him out of the BattleShell, while Leo and Raph kept watch. "Can you handle the stairs, Mike?" His brother asked, his voice having a soothing tone as he held Mikey and supported all of his weight.

"Don't...really have a choice, huh?" Mikey murmured with a nod, slowly the ascended the stairs, their oldest brothers following close behind them. By the time, they reached the top of the stairs, Mikey was panting and sweaty mess. "Ugh, this sucks, Donnie..."

In response, his brother gave him a reassuring squeeze around his shoulders, “I know, Mikey.” 

Leo wasted no time in knocking on April's door. Their friend was surprised at their unexpected visit. But seemed happy to see them regardless as if it seemed that they interrupted something with her and Casey. "Sorry, April. But we were on our way to a possible mutant outbreak at the power plant and well..." Leo paused as he turned to look at Mikey, who was pale and sweating.

"Woah, Mike! What happened?" The concern was clear on her face as she stepped out of the way to let them all inside her place.

Mikey, still leaning on Donnie for support, practically gasped out his reply, "It's my— stupid cold. I haven't been able to shake the damn thing."

This is the worst cold he's ever had, and he's had some pretty bad cold throughout his life.

He felt Don rubbed his arm soothingly. "Like Leatherhead said, it has to get worse before it gets better." That did little to lighten his mood, but he appreciated Donnie's attempt to soothe him, with the only way he knows how, being logical.

"Fucking great."

Right now, he was split between feeling miserable and frustrated. Raph then came up behind him, and rubbed the back of his head. "April, can you keep an eye on Mikey for us?" He asked rather calmly as Mikey let out a loud sneeze that made his shoulders tremble and his head ache.

April agreed to letting Mikey stay, and his brother's left with Leo giving him a little wave and a smile, "Mikey? Take it easy, little bro." And then they were gone, leaving Mikey behind with Casey and April.

And they took pretty good care of him, they made sure he stayed hydrated, feed him broth —or at least tried too, his stomach wasn't having it— place cloths on his forehead in an attempt to bring down his fever. And even though Mikey still felt so awful, and just really wanted his brothers, he appreciated the care they were giving him. If their relationship ever went any further, Mikey could see them being amazing parents.

Then at the most abrupt time the power went out.

Of course, it goes out.

Just they’re luck. 

And about three seconds later, the cut on his arm just started to burn. It hit him so hard and so suddenly that he doubled over, he cried out in agony and clutched at it, putting pressure it because he thought it was help lessen the pain, but it didn't go away. It felt like someone was physically sawing off his arm with thousand degree hacksaw. Like someone was taking a scolding hot knife and repeatedly branding him it with over and over again.

He barely managed to tell April what's wrong before he is enveloped into another cocoon of agony.

Then April left to go check on Casey, fear overtook him, as he silently begged, pleaded to not be left alone, please don't leave... I'm scared please... Then as tears sprang to his his eyes, Mikey looked at his arm, and—

It started to move, almost like there was something, several somethings crawling inside his skin, all traveling in in different directions throughout his appendage, it was like he was being invaded by an army of bugs, taken over by a colony of parasites eating away through his very muscles and tissue. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening to him, he was transforming, mutating, just like the creatures they've been fighting.

The thought alone, made bile raise to his throat and he fell to his knees, dry heaving.

Please

No

No no no...

PLEASE

His heart was pounding a mile a minute, he felt like he was being dragged down to the deepest cave that he would never be able to climb out of. A sob tore itself from his throat, his heart ached, desperately wanting his brothers. If they were here by his side they'd know what to do, they always knew what to do. They were always there for him, and he there for them.

Balanced, like everything should be.

Donnie

Leo

Raph

"Help me, please... please.“ He whimpered out fearfully 

Would they worry for him? Would they try to find him? Would they go through hell and back for him?

Abruptly, the pain increased tenfold as the seconds ticked by, his vision blackened and he saw nothing but red, there was nothing Mikey could register but there sheer amount of torment he was feeling, and as Mikey watched in horror as everything from his arms to his plastron doubled in size. Fresh tears sprung to his eyes and grew with every agonizing inch, getting taller and bigger with every second that ticked by.

He was utterly helpless, he could do nothing but witness it all unfold around him, watch as his mind slowly began to fade, almost as if something else was taking over, something that was more primal and dangerous.

With the last bits of his sanity left, he realized... that Leatherhead was wrong. This wasn't him going through puberty, this wasn't just a simple cold.

Donnie had told him he was fine, but he was wrong. 

He wasn't fine at all...

Chapter Text

It was like something straight out of a nightmare.

Everything that has happened the last few minutes has been nothing but a bad dream that they could wake up from. Because the thing that they had saved April and Casey from, the thing that they drove out of April's building and into the sewers couldn't possibly be their youngest brother.

That thing couldn't possibly be their sweet and fun loving Michelangelo.

It just couldn't be, the thought was lost so haunting, so heart stopping because no, not Mikey, please.

Leo had to believe it wasn't true, not until they had definitive proof this was their new reality. He had to shake it head and deny it, because he didn’t know what he’d do if it was true.

But as he stood there, clinching his little brother's torn bandanna in his hand, praying silently that none of this was real, that he was just gonna wake up, go into the lair and see Mikey sitting on the couch watching television or teasing Raph about his medal he’d won from the Battle Nexus. That’s when everything came crashing down at the look on Leatherhead's face as he and Don looked over blood samples. 

He took a set forward, hesitantly as if he almost didn't want to know the answer. "Don? Leatherhead? Anything you two can tell us?" He watched as Don, who had been standing the closest to Leatherhead looked at him, like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the exact words.

Then Leatherhead spoke, almost absentmindedly as their friend stared at Mikey's bandages through a microscope. "It seems that the tissue sample from Michelangelo's bandage contains the same alien DNA that's been found in the mutated creatures you have fighting as of late.

Oh

Oh god

It's worse then he thought.

How could this have happened, how could he have let this happen? Leo was the oldest, he was suppose to keep his family safe, especially Mikey because he's the youngest, how could he have failed so horribly? "You mean Mikey’s  been infected by the outbreak?"

"Since..." Donnie began to speak but faltered slightly, before continuing, "Since we were already mutated by the mutagen, the DNA in Mikey's blood stream has triggered a secondary mutation. Turning him into a—" Leo watched as Don paused yet again, a deeply sad look on his face, and stayed silent, looking to Raph and saw the same exact thing happening him.

They were all cracking at the seams, and it looked like at least one of them was on the verge of breaking, but they were forcing themselves to stay strong because they had no choice.

The guilt that Leo already had on his shoulders double in size, he should have prevented this.

Had Mikey cried out for them? For Leo, to come help him? Did he know what was happening? Did he try to fight it off, had he been in any pain or was it quick?

"The tainted DNA in Michelangelo appears to have been inside his system for quite sometime, slowly turning him into the creature you described. I realize now that my assumptions I had previously stated were incorrect. I assumed that he was going through the beginning stages of adolescences, because he showed the various signs for it." Leatherhead turned and gave them all an apologetic look, looking just as guilt ridden as Leo felt. "But I was wrong; the anger, the hunger and emotional imbalance were all from the feral animal growing within him." Gently, he bowed to them all, in shame. "I am deeply sorry, my friends."

Out of the corner of his eye, Leo looked to see Raph step forward, the anger clear on his face, like he wanted to say something really nasty to Leatherhead but stopped.

Even if their friend had been very wrong in what exactly had been happening to Mikey all this time, even if the urge to blame was strong within his bones, Leatherhead wasn't fault. Stepping forward, he placed his hands on the crocodiles arms and gestured for him to stand. "You don't have to apologize, Leatherhead. At the time we all thought it made the most sense."

Leatherhead closed his eyes and let out a deep breathe, and nodded only once, "What I cannot understand is exactly how this substance found it's way into Michelangelo's bloodstream?"

Looking down towards the floor, clinched his hands, he didn't have to wonder, he knew exactly where and how this happened, and by the look on Donnie's face he knew how as well. "His arm. When the outbreak first occurred, and we were fighting those mutated roaches down in the sewers, Mikey got a nasty gash on his arm." He turned to his brothers and they both had different expressions on their faces. Raph looked shocked and then that shock turned to quick anger. And Donnie looked like he had been told the absolute worst news in the world.

"I regret to say." Leatherhead said behind him, with a sigh. "Even with the combined assistance of Donatello that the chance of either of us finding some type of cure for Michelangelo's ailment is slim to none."

And was for first time since they arrived Leo let his vulnerability show as he wiped around so fast he was shocked he didn't get whiplash. "What?" Because no, there had to be a way to cure Mikey, there had to be something they could do.

"No... But I could..." Don whispered to his left, the tone sounding desperate and detached, “No...”

To Leo's left, Raphael let out a deadly snarl, "When I get my hands on Bishop, I'm gonna ram my foot so fuckin’ far—!"

Leo had to take a breathe to steady himself, he should have realized that freaking out would have set off his other already agitated brothers. When one of them are stressed out the others are soon to follow.

And right now they could afford to break, not yet. Not when Mikey was still out there, gently he place a hand on Raph's shoulder, "Easy, Raph. We will find a cure but first we have to find Mikey, capture him before he hurts himself or anyone else."

"And just how are we gonna capture a 200 pound killer turtle that has no idea who we are?"

How indeed, lucky for them Donnie spoke up as he and Leatherhead walked over to the object they had covered in a tarp. Leatherhead pulled the sheet back and revealed a device that looked like a container. "Leatherhead and I have been studying the outbreak since it occurred, and we made this to see if we could possibly capture one of the larger mutants, the ones that were unstable and see if we could fully study it without risk falling to us, to see if we could find a cure. I... we—" Don's voice stifled just slightly as he gently place a hand on the device, "I... this was suppose to be for the other mutants, I never thought we'd have to use it on Mikey."

Leo's parental instinct kicked in and he immediately wanted to comfort Donnie, but he stood stiff and forced himself not too, right now they had to focus, right now they had to find Mikey and bring him home.

And bring him home they did.

It wasn't easy, Mikey sure put up a fight as the three of them and Leathehead struggled to get him inside the bio-container, but they did it, Mikey was home. But even though he was home now, back with his family, they knew they couldn't celebrate just yet for youngest turtle was still a monster, still a savage mindless animal.

And that thought alone enough to bring a tear to their Master's eye as he and everyone else looked on, watching as the creature that was Michelangelo fought to get out of his confined space.

"My son..." The simple action of their father putting his hand on the glass was almost enough to break Leo. He had to clinch his hands and feel his nails dig into his palm to keep from collapsing. “My son.” 

The action, made them even more determined then ever. “This is Michelangelo, this is our baby brother. We will find a cure.” 

The reality of what was happening was too much, to know that this was actually happening that they had lost one of their own, their youngest brother, no less, to Bishop and his damned outbreak was just too much to handle.

Letting the weight of everything sink in wasn't such a good idea, because now almost everyone in that room felt like they were suffocating.

"Alright, so say your a superhero."

Leonardo, despite the fact that he was meditating, laughed at Mikey's obvious attempt to break his concentration, like he use to do when they were kids. "Okay,"

"But say, you didn't really have any powers, kinda like Batman or that Nobody guy we meet a few months ago." Leo listened as Mikey paused probably for dramatic effect, and continued. "And your actually doing really well for yourself, your popular, you have fans and your loved by all."

The lime light was never really his thing, but it had always been something that Mikey had enjoyed. "Ninja's stick to the shadows, but sure."

"Shh, I'm not done!” Mikey held up a hand to keep Leo from talking. “Anyway, your doing really good, then suddenly this new villain that comes to town and he kicks your shell and tries to go after your family, but the bad guy eventually get beaten by you with some helpful hands of your friends and family, which may have resulted in a them getting hurt.” Mikey looked at him in the eye when he said this, “Would you blame yourself even though you did your best to stop him even though it costed them physical pain?”

This made up scenario making was starting to sound familiar, but He decided to roll with it nonetheless. “If I were a hero? And I did the very best I could with what I had to work with?" He thought for a moment and applied that scenario to how he had been acting 2 months ago, how he was filled with so much angry and how distant he was with his family, how he blamed himself for failing even though he did the best he could.

He remembered the Ancient One; how he told him that failing was just another stepping stone in life, that it didn't matter how many times you get knocked down, it's how you respond to that pain and the choices that you make, even if those choices in the beginning aren’t perfect and leave you having to reevaluate yourself in a different light.

A Warrior Who Never Fails, Never Learns A Lesson.

"Learning from your mistakes is better then living in the past."

Mikey let out a low cheer, clapping his hands, "Ding Ding! Exactly! And that's what I would have said to you two months ago if you weren't being all dark and broody." Leo let out a soft 'oof' when he felt Mikey knocked into him, hugging him around his waist. "You've always been too hard on yourself, bro. You're best is enough, it's always been."

Oh

Leo was speechless, of all the things he expected to happen in the weeks that followed after he came back from Japan and saved his family from Karai. Leo really hadn't expectEd Michelangelo to give him a lesson in acceptance, in forgiving yourself. When had his little brother become so wise underneath all that goofiness? Did it happen while he was away? Had Mikey missed him so much that he opted to become more wise to have Leo closer. Or did it happen because of Karai, almost losing his family?

Regardless, the touched him nonetheless.

Without opening his eyes, Leo returned the hug tightly, a smile on his face, as his eyes stung, his voice stifled just a tad as he spoke.

"Thanks, Mikey."

He put his forehead against the glass. "I love you, and I promise. We will find a cure. No matter what it takes." He vowed this, vowed this so strongly that it became a part of his heart as much as the failure he was feeling.

But how exactly was he not suppose to feel like a failure when his brother was now a seething, feral monster? How was he not suppose to feel guilty that his brother was gone, and he had done nothing to stop it?

The Ancient One said accepting ones failures was a sign of growth, of strength, but how was he suppose to accept this? 

No one answered

Chapter Text

It's funny, when it happened, when Mikey—

Stopped being Mikey, everyone in his family was expected him to get angry with the whole situation. To do his usual shtick of lashing out and yelling in fits of rage. Because that’s what he’s always done in the past; like when Shredder had severely hurt Leo or when Splinter went missing.

Because that is what Raphael is known for, right? 

He had been angry those times, stressful situation usually brought out the rage in his heart because he couldn't express how he truly felt verbally, so it only made sense that during this situation, his family automatically thought that was gonna happen this time.

Or at least, that's what Raph thought they were thinking, he really had no way of knowing how anyone was actually feeling.

And honestly, he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. He knew his brothers like the back of his hand, knew them better then he knew himself, knew them so well he sometimes could tell what they were thinking.

Cause how couldn't he?

Even if they annoyed him sometimes, they were still his brothers, they were still family.

But in the last five hours it felt like he didn't know them at all, he had no idea what they were thinking. He had ideas, such as Leo was probably feeling like a failure and Donnie probably was feeling broken, or guilty. And those things, could be possible but Raph really had no way of truly knowing.

All that he knew, was how he felt.

And he felt... lost.

He felt numb, like his mind was working and his limps were moving but his heart... his heart didn't know what to do, didn't truly know how to process this information that lay in front of him, the knowledge that Mikey was gone. Because even though no one wanted to admit it, even if his brother was alive and growling in that tank Leatherhead and Donnie built. Mikey was gone, that thing wasn't his brother no matter how much Leo said that it was.

Because the Mikey he knew wouldn't act like the way that thing is behaving.

The Michelangelo he knew was a goofball: he loved video games, pizza and his skateboard, he loved making people smile and laugh. Hell merely a few hours ago that had still been Mikey, even if he was sick, vomiting and sneezing, his Mikey had still been there.

But now he wasn't, the spirit was gone, everything that made Mikey, Mikey was gone and all that was left was a broken shell of who he’d been. Just a beast, something that Raph always personally thought he'd become.

Because how couldn't he with all the rage that boiled within his heart, always threatening to explode if things got too stressful, always threatening to hurt the ones his loved without him meaning too.

He woke up with jolt, his muscles spasms violently as he bolt straight up in bed. His heart was pounding in his chest so loud he could hear it in his eardrums, a layer of sweat practically drenched his entire body, in the darkness of his room there was nothing, nothing but his hitched breathing as he tried his best to get air into his lungs but his heart was pounding too fast for him to do so. Tears cascading down his cheeks as the nightmare replayed in his head over and over again. No, not just a nightmare but a memory, even though it's been months since that day, it still plagued him. That very day where had his brothers and Sensei not intervened, he would... could have severely hurt Mikey, with that lead pipe in hand.

Because that was him, that had been him. Not some creature or some enemy that was threatening his brother's life. No, that had been him, Raphael, getting ready to beat Mikey with a steel pipe because his brother had simply been teasing him.

But his nightmare made it seem like it was, it guilt ridden mind twisted the memory and morphed him into a monster, a savage creature with no remorse. The memory faded and crumbled but then came back again all at once, showing him, that he had succeeded, his family gone, with no one to stop him, he had finished what he tried to do to Mikey that very day.

Raph's body shook from fear more so then the cold. Because what if that had actually happened? What if...? A choked noise escaped his throat and everything was closing around him, the guilt and fear were slowly suffocating him. Apparently, he hadn't been keeping a tight enough lid on how loud he was being, because Leo suddenly appeared in his doorway.

"Raph? What's wrong?" His big brother asked, concern laced a crossed his features.

Raph opened his mouth, his mind trying to form words. Wanting to say that he was fine, wanting to tell Leo to buzz off, but all that came out was a weak, "M-Mikey..." as he held his hand, the very one that grasped that damn pipe. Leo's eyes widened at that and suddenly he was gone.

Raph tried not to feel the stab of abandonment, but he did.

Thankfully though, he didn't feel that way for very long because Leo quickly came back with Mikey in tow.

Upon seeing Mikey, the dam around his emotions almost shattered completely, he tried desperately to keep it from doing so, but it was hard, so very hard.

Not even a second glance at Leo, Mikey rushed forward and practically jumped on Raphael. Wrapping his arms around his torso and squeezed ever so gently. Because that's what Mikey was: gentle. From the top of his head down to his toes, Mikey was the most gentle turtle in the world.

Sure, he probably picked up from watching Splinter and probably watching Donnie too, but for Mikey his gentleness was always different, always felt different.

And to think he almost hit that gentleness, almost severely injured that kindness. He clung to Mikey, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I could've hurt ya, I could've...!"

"It's okay, Raphie. It's okay." Mikey's voice was so soft and soothing, holding no ill will for what Raph had almost done and god, that hurt even more. How could Mikey not hate him? How could his brother not be afraid of him?

He was scared of himself. Didn't trust himself around any of his brothers.

He was a monster, wasn't he?

He was bad, right?

"You're not a monster, Raph. I know monsters, all the movies I watch? And you don't fit that bill, bro. You're a good person, that is what you are."

A choked, hallow laugh escaped his throat, though it sound more like a wail of pain then anything else. He hugged Mikey tight, his heart felt lighter, but not fully healed, simply lighter. If Mikey saw the good in him, if Mikey liked him regardless of his anger and rage he had, then how bad could he be?

"Thanks, lil’ brother."

Raph felt a hand drop to his shoulder, blinking he realized he had been watching TV with the screen showing nothing but static.

Leo was there, suddenly. His eyes showing a sympathy and pain that matched his own. "We'll get him back, Raph."

A lump in his throat prevents him from speaking, so he nods once eyes moving back to the TV and watching the static on the screen move. Silently, he asked, practically begged;

Why it couldn't have been him? Why did it have to be Mikey? No one answered, but that was fine, he guessed.

He wasn't actually expecting a reply anyway.

Chapter Text

For the past 24 hours, he did nothing but type on his keyboard, going over code after code. He went through every potential equation he could think of, hoping to find anything, anything, that would give him the answer he was looking for.

Donnie didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he spent all of his time on the computer, staring at the screen till his vision blurred, most likely from a lack of sleep or food, or both. Even still, he continued to work because it helped him focus, it distracted him from reality, and he needed to be as far away from reality as possible right now.

That was until Leatherhead physically hauled him away from his workstation, telling him he couldn't keep doing this and locking him out of his lab until he slept and ate properly.

Donnie didn't leave quietly; he struggled and protested, insisting that he had to keep working. "Leatherhead! C'mon, you know I'm close to a break through, I can't stop now!"That first portion was obviously a deception; he was no closer to a cure than Leatherhead. Even with their collective intelligence, they couldn't figure it out.

Leatherhead merely shook his head, not believing his fib for even a second. "Go rest, my friend. I'll continue our work until you've done so." Don was now officially band from his own lab. And, without something to do, Don is being pushed to—

In the distance, a muffled growling could be heard, followed by a faint thumping sound coming from inside of the container.

Donnie closed his eyes and clenched his fists. He began wandering aimlessly about the lair, looking for something to occupy his time so he wouldn't have to think about what everyone else was thinking. His legs appeared to be functioning on autopilot, for he was soon in Raph's room, where he discovered his brother in his hammock, the blankets pilled over his torso. Donnie had no idea whether Raphael was asleep or sulking. His feet then led him to Leo and Master Splinter, who were peacefully meditating on the scaffolding of their new hideout instead of the dojo.

When his feet finally landed in the kitchen, he remembered Leatherhead's statements about his having to eat. Food and relaxation were the only ways he could return to his lab and continue his job. He didn't want to eat anything, and napping would only do him more harm than good. He's been on the receiving end of numerous all-nighters, and they were agonizing to get through; it was like going through withdrawals, only ten times worse since not only did his mind and body deny sleep and nutrition, but they were also at odds with one another at times.

Leaving Donnie exhausted yet unable to relax, with his body aching from a lack of food but too nauseated to consume anything. His only alternative was to keep working, but Leatherhead was much too intelligent to be duped or manipulated. Even if he could continue his investigation, he'd most certainly fall anyhow, because he'd reached his limit.

So he a turtle with no luck, he walked out of the kitchen and performed the same steps as previously, although this time he observed certain things had altered. Raph had left his room and was now punching away at his punching bag, most likely trying to let off some steam without having to go to the surface, while Leo and Splinter had finished their meditation session, but Leo appeared to be in a bad mood, as he watched as his big brother's shoulders hunched upward, becoming stiff and rigid, only slightly relaxing when their father placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Don moved away from the image, which made his own shoulders tense and a sensation flare up inside him.

All of this aimless wandering made him feel like a child, as when he was 7 years old and one of his inventions malfunctioned, zapping Raph in the face with an electrical discharge, nearly permanently injuring his brother's eye. Splinter had correctly grounded him from all of his gadgets, which he had treasured at the time. So, with nothing to do, seven-year-old Donnie wandered hopelessly about the lair, unsure what to do. And now, at the age of 18, he was doing the exact same thing. The only difference is that he wasn't in trouble or grounded, at least not by Splinter.

To be honest, he almost hoped he was because he wanted someone to yell at him, scream at him for what he'd done, and tell him that everything that had occurred recently was his fault. 

Except for himself, no one accomplished this.

Donnie was not shocked when his legs eventually stopped moving and he found himself in front of the tank containing the individual they were all urgently attempting to save. Don watched as piercing crimson eyes locked on him, the snarls and roars multiplying tenfold now that his brother was face to face with someone. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. The creature pulled its jaw closer to the glass and growled loudly, fogging it up.

For a moment, his little brother was obscured from vision. The only thing Don saw in the fog was his own reflection. To say he looked terrible would be an understatement.

His eyes were bloodshot and sunken in, and his complexion appeared paler than usual. He reached out a hand and laid it on the glass, coming closer, absolutely taken aback by his own look. At how horrible he looked, how shattered he appeared. How was he going to save M... Save his baby brother when he himself looked to be on the verge of death? He was supposed to be the sensible, clever one, with all the solutions; how could he have allowed things get so out of hand?

Then a huge fist banged on the glass, knocking Don back in astonishment. The fog lifted, showing his brother once again. There was nothing left of him, nothing remained of their beloved Michelangelo, he was mindless and ferocious. Donatello felt something shatter inside him. His intellect and reasoning both vanished at the same moment. His nails drove into his hand, seeing only red as his fist made a strong connection with the glass, he reeled back, and he did it again..

And again

And again

On the fourth strike, he felt someone grab his wrist and drag him back. His instincts kicked in, and he resisted the force that was holding him back. He could hear voices distantly, but couldn't make out what they were saying since his thoughts were too jumbled to hear anything; it was as if his head was in a sea of static, leaving him deaf and crushed with shame.

Then finally, finally, he was able to break free.

Donnie spotted his brothers standing there as he whirled around so quickly that his eyesight clouded, blinking his eyes still storming with wrath and mayhem. Leo and Raph stood there panting, looking anxious and surprised. After a few seconds, Don realized he was panting as well, his breathing in tune with theirs. They were all locked in place, and he could feel his body quivering and shivering.

Leo, slowly took a small step forward. "Donnie—"

Donnie instinctively took a step back.

Then Leo held up his hands in defense. "Don, hey. It's me." Leo's voice tried to stay calm as he took another step forward. "It's okay, Donnie. You're gonna be fine, Okay? It's okay."

"You're fine, Mikey"

"You’re gonna be fine. I promise."

His heart stopped in his chest and he let out a gut-wrenching yell, "NO!" Because it wasn't fine, it wasn't okay. He wasn't fine, nor was their brother. Why couldn't they see it, why couldn't they comprehend it? Their youngest was dying, and there was nothing they could do, and nothing he could do about it. "It isn't! He isn't, and neither am I! It's all my fault!" "I promised him he was going to be alright, I said the cut on his arm was nothing to worry about!" Tears obscured his eyes, a hoarse sob escaped his voice.

"We all thought he was gonna be okay, Donnie. That doesn't mean what happened is solely on you."

Don shook his head, Leo wasn't hearing him, wasn't listening to him, they didn't understand.

Why?

"But I should have known better." He should have known better, after all he's seen and dealt with he should have realized that his brother wasn't gonna be okay.

How could he have been so foolish?

Master Splinter who was now standing besides Leatherhead a few feet away, was staring at him, his eyes holding concerned but also a will to understand. "My son, no one blames you for Michelangelo's condition."

Don knew this, he knew this and that made it all that much worse. Knowing that Leo and Raph didn't blame him for what happened to their brother, knowing that they still cared about him as always, he didn't deserve such forgiveness, it was all too much to bare. "Well you should. Please, I deserve some sort of punishment."

For all his mistakes, for all his miscalculations and screw ups in the name of science

Everything that he has done and possibly will do in the future

Donnie needed someone to tell him it was all his fault, validate all his thoughts, so he didn't feel like he was slipping away from reality, like he already slipped away from his sanity. But no one did, not a single member of his family announced that he was at fault. "My friend, you are suffering from severe sleep deprivation and hysteria, you must calm down." Leatherhead along with Splinter took a cautious step forward as did his brothers.

"Donnie, let us help you."

"C'mon bro."

"My son, please."

They were all talking at once, or at least that's how it sounded like in his head, their voices were mixing and combining into a hazy mess of muffled and distorted sounds. Donnie couldn't focus, could considerate, he grasped his head in agony, it felt like someone was slipping his skull apart, his ears felt like they were going to exploded from all the pressure he felt. The entire ground felt like someone pulled a carpet from underneath his feet and he couldn't gain his footing.

And for the first time, Don wanted to run away, he want to turn and run in the opposite direction of his family.

His family that only wanted to help.

He realized, that maybe that's what the other Michelangelo had said when he accused him of abandoning them, the one from that future Drako sent him to. Body shaking, lungs heaving, breathe hitching, Donnie back away from them, he back away and away until his shell collided with something hard.

Then a loud, muffled thump could be hear abruptly behind him, another yelp of surprise escaped him, he wiped around and was face to face again, with Michelangelo

It was like someone took of his rose colored glasses and he was finally able to see, see the reality that was before him, the possibility that he— they had failed their littlest brother, that Mikey was lost to them in this monstrous form and would soon be lost to them completely as the body continued to break down And what he saw, that knowledge destroyed the last of his resolved.

His heart broke within seconds, it bleed agonizingly, as it lay before him shattered into pieces. As a wail of utter despair was ripped out of his throat, "MIKEY!"

He fell to his knees, his heart shattering from the amount of pain it was in, from the guilt he felt. He couldn't think straight, he could do nothing but chant his brothers name over and over again in his head, a desperate plea.

Mikey

Please...

His brother, his only little brother that meant everything to him, would soon be lost to them all, to him.

How was he suppose to accept that as reality, how could he have failed him again? He vowed he wouldn't ever fail his brother, abandon them, like that other Donatello did. And yet, here he was, failing Michelangelo, while he and the rest of his family had to watch as he deteriorated right before their eyes.

"Mikey... I'm sorry..."

Mikeymikeymikeymikey

This was all his fault.

Donatello didn't usually didn't get nightmares, like his brothers did. He remembers countless times each of his brothers jolting away, trembling and so filled with fear, when they all use to share one room as kids. Raph would remain perfectly still, suffering in silence, his heart pounding in his ears, as he refused to let the tears fall. Leo, with silent tears on his cheeks would debate either crawling over to Master Splinter for comfort or watching over his still sleeping brothers, as the natural protector that he was, and Mikey would wake up sobbing so loudly he would wake everyone else up and they'd all have to spend the next couple minutes holding him and trying to calm the youngest down. But Donnie, didn't really have nightmares growing up, because he really didn't have anything to fear back then, he always knew that Sensei would keep them all safe.

Even afterwards when they all got separate bedrooms, his brothers still had bad dreams. But not Donnie, at least not until Draco sent him to that portal to that alternate universe. Where Shredder had taken over the entire world, where Casey and Splinter had long since died and his brothers...

His brothers—

Ever since then, he's done his best not to fall asleep.

Drinking excessive amounts of coffee, working in his lab with hardly any breaks. He had a system, a routine, but even he had his limits, limits where he'd slip up, drift off into dreamland only to be awaken seconds later, in the very middle of the night by a nightmare. They twisted and morphed, swirled around in his subconscious. A barren wasteland, April wrinkled and tired, Stockman and Hun fused together. And then, blood. God, so much blood as the Karai Legions ripped through Mikey, his scream echoing through the battle field, everyone stopping dead in their tracks from complete and utter shock. Then Karai herself while the eldest' back was turned, struck down Leo and then second later did the same thing to Raph in a fit of rage. And then it was just him, him with his brother's corpses, failing them... because he had survived and they didn't.

Because he was alone.

A silent scream tore itself from his throat as he jerked up, almost tipping his chair so far backward both it and him had almost crashed to the floor. That was, if it hadn't been the obvious hand that steady the back of the chair, keeping him from falling. Turning, he saw Mikey standing there, looking confused and concerned, "You okay, Don?"

Taking a few seconds to compose himself, Donnie let a shaky breathe escape him. "Mikey..." His heart still hammered in his chest, he closed his eyes and breathed in once. "Why are you—?"

Mikey smiled at him, he turned and revealed a display of food. Homemade soup, crackers, and Donnie's favorite kind of soda all neatly place on the serving tray. "You've been in here so long, working so hard, I thought I might bring you some dinner."

Donnie blinked, his eyes checking the time. 6:47 pm, has he really been here all day? "I hadn't realized. I thought— I still had time too..."

Mikey simply waved him off, with a smile, gently setting the tray on Don's lap. "No worries, Donnie. I know you've been stressed out lately. What with all the nightmares lately."

His heart turned to ice in his chest. "How did you—?" He had been so sure his had kept it all a secret, he hadn't want to worry his family, or tell them for fear of anger or resentment, of fear of their own for this possible future.

But Mikey merely laugh, "C'mon, Donnie. I know I'm a goofball and that I'm not as smart as you, but I'm not stupid. I know how a person looks after they had bad dreams. It's not that hard."

Don's eyes, widened in horror. "No, no! That's not what I meant, I don't think your stupid." The last thing he ever wanted Mikey to think was that he was stupid. Because Donnie was sure that the reason why Mikey had turned so distant and cold in that future was not just the horrible life he had lived but from resentment, from the anger he had towards the family that saw him as an annoyance half the time. "I just thought it be better if you all didn't know."

"What? Because you feel like it's your fault we all died in that weird dimension Drako sent you?" Once again, Donnie blinked, jerking his head up in shock he stared at Mikey, completely dumbfounded. But Mikey simply continued, "Kinda hard not to hear you, when you talk in your sleep, Don." Donnie watched as his little brother's face turned completely sober, and serious. "You know we'd never blame you, right? What happened there wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it is." Don said venomously, the anger boiled in his heart.

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"I can do this all night, Donnie."

"Michelangelo."

"Donatello."

He glared at Mikey and Mikey glared right back, wavering not even the slightest bit.

Then something in his heart just gave way, and he sighed in defeat, gripping the sides of the tray with both hands. "How can it not be, Mikey? After all I saw, after witnessing so much pain and seeing you all... It has to be my fault, it has to be. It's the only thing that makes sense. The only thing that feels logical, the knowledge that I failed you guys. What more proof do I need that it's no one's fault but my own? "

Mikey's face morphed into one of matched sympathy and sadness. "Aw Donnie." Then Mikey grabbed the tray from Don's still clinched hands and knelt down in from of him, "Look," He said gesturing his left arm forward, presenting it to Donnie like some type of evidence. "See, it's still here, I'm still here, and so is Leo and Raph and Master Splinter and Casey. We're all still here, Donnie. We're alive, that's all the proof you need, everything's okay."

Don looked down, looked down at the very arm Mikey had lost. His own hands sought it out and grasped it, desperately. It was solid and real and there, right before Don's eyes, then he looked up and saw that same smile on Mikey's face. That same signature smile that could light up a room with it's mere presence, that could warm even the most coldest of hearts. It was a smile that Donnie fought so hard to protect, what they all strived to keep alive.

Gently, he reached a hand out and cupped his baby brother's cheek, the action made Mikey smile even wider and Donnie felt the edge turn up and form under his finger tips.

He hadn't realized he started crying until a sob tore itself from his throat and he launched himself forward, wrapping Mikey in a crushing embrace. He clung to his baby brother, breath hitching as he sobbed unashamed. Cried out all the pain and dark emotions caused by the future he had been forced to witness. Because the thought of Mikey not being Mikey, was a thought that horrified him.

"I love you..."

Mikey let out a content sigh, returning Don's hug just as fiercely. "I love ya too, Donnie."

His heart still ached, his mind still flashed to the future he'd seen, but having Michelangelo here, by his side, just as understanding and loving as he always was, made it just a bit more bearable. He pulled Mikey closer to his plastron, eyes closed tight, he babbled out, “Please, don't ever change... Please... just... stay as you are, I won't ever get annoyed again just... please.“

”I won't change, Donnie. I promise. I’ll always stay me.” 

Faintly, ever so faintly, he felt multiple arms wrapping around him, encasing him in a warm cocoon of comfort, and keeping him just inches from falling through the abyss that was his shattered sanity, just dangling helplessly. Distantly, he heard Leo's voice, muffled through all the static and white noise in his ears. "It's not your fault, Donnie."

Yes it was, but they didn't understand. Didn't understand the extent of this, how bad this all truly was.

It was all his fault. This was so much worse then before, so much worse then that damn alternate dimension. If only he had realized, if only he ran more tests, if only, if only—

He was suppose to be the smart one.

How could he have not thought of the possible fact that getting injured by another mutated creature would have a secondary reaction, how could he have been so utterly stupid? How could he, simply bandage the cut without doing further testing? He looked at Mikey, who was rightfully scared and upset, and told him he would be fine. 

Did you know Mikey? Even back then, that something was wrong and I just didn’t listen?

Donnie couldn’t cure him.

Admitting that made him choked, his harsh sobs echoing around the room. They were out of options, they were running out of time,

They had nothing, now all that Donnie had left was guilt. How was he suppose to fix this? How was any of them suppose to fix this mess?

No one answered.

Chapter Text

Watching Donnie break down made his heart crack, it almost was enough to pull him over the edge too, but he steeled himself, right now he had to be strong, with everyone on the edge, with the air so thick with tension you could practically cut it with a knife. The last thing they needed was for him to break too. Splinter was pained, Raph was lost, and Donnie had shattered. It was up to him to keep them up, keep them from falling, while they looked for a cure to help their youngest brother.

Mikey's eyes bore into him, no longer their innocent aqua blue, no longer filled with love and life, but a deep seething red, filled with rage and feral instinct that left them all shaking. Behind him he was vaguely aware of Raph laying Donnie down on the couch, having spent himself so much that his genius brother passed out.

Leo placed his hand against the glass, the creature hissed at him and began attacking it as it had been doing the past couple hours. The fact that this was Mikey, their goofball baby brother was too hard for him to bare, for any of them to bare. He felt a whole puncture his heart a place right where Mikey had once been, it bleed and festered, like an open wound, his hand shook.

"Leo?"

"My son?"

He turned and noticed Donnie was awake already, bandanna gone, those chocolate brown eyes looked at him pleadingly, dark circles as worse as ever. To his left, he saw Raph was the same way, as was Splinter, Leatherhead, April and Casey were fairing no better. His family was breaking and there was nothing he could do about it.

He dug his fingers into his palms, "Alright, that settles it. We're going after Bishop."

Raph looked at him, as though he'd lost his mind, "Come again?"

Leo looked towards his remaining family; eyes determined. "We'll make him help Mikey."

Raph still didn't look convinced he was serious, nor that he was sane. "And how exactly are we gonna find him?" Raph leaned against the sofa, putting a hand on Don's shoulder as added support. "Last I checked his address wasn't listed in the Daily News Report."

They heard Leatherhead let out a low growl of contempt, "I know where he is." They all watched Leatherhead, as his eyes filled with hatred and pain, Splinter even took a step towards him, hand outstretched. "Groom Lake Nevada. He held me there for weeks, tied me up and tortured me, brutally. I vowed that I'd see him again someday. But Michelangelo's condition is worsening by the second, we might not have enough time, traveling in your motor vehicle."

"I…" Donnie's voice was barely above a whisper, as he placed his hands on his kneepads and pushed himself to his feet. "I maybe able to help with that." He gestured them to follow him, towards a room, blocked by a solid steal door. "I've been working on this for a while now. Mikey—" Don winced, his shoulders trembling, Leo watched as Raph placed a gentle hand against Donnie's shell, steadying him. "Mikey helped me add a few extra details, ideas, stuff like that. Like he always does…"

They prepped the helicopter, loaded Mikey inside and took a moment of silence, to steel themselves, to prepare themselves for the unknown future they had ahead. All placing their hands against the glass of Mikey's containment. Hold off a little longer, little brother. We're gonna save you. Leo murmured silently, eyes closed, fingernails scratching against the glass.

Hearts heavy but determined, they took off into the skies to save their brother.

But of course, they're luck wasn't going to be that easy, of course Bishop already knew they were here, and of course he wanted something in exchange for his help in curing Mikey. And of course, of course, everything went south when Mikey was able to out of his containment and cause havoc.

Havoc was something that Mikey loved to cause, nothing major, just simple little pranks here and there. Like putting superglue on Donnie's bo staff, or hiding Raph's favorite punching bag, or when he tied Leo's bandanna to a poll while he was in deep meditation. Just harmless chaos that Mikey joyfully laughed at even after he got in trouble.

But this—

This was different.

This was a kind of havoc that wasn't… that shouldn't be a part of Michelangelo.

Leonardo, in the beginning, could only watch in horror at the destruction that Mikey caused. Mikey let out a roar so ear piercing, that the ceiling shook from the shockwaves as he grabbed at Bishop's men. Throwing them around, their bodies hitting the walls or the ground, a sickening crack echoed out, and then they'd lay there motionless.

A monster in distress will do whatever it takes to stay alive, no matter how feral.

Even kill.

Bile rose in his throat, as he stepped infront of Master Splinter, protectively. Watching Leatherhead surged forward, tackling Mikey to the ground, as the two beasts snarled, hisses and roared at one another.

To his left he saw Don rush forward. "Stop! Please! I have tranquilizers right here, we can knock him out just… don't kill him. Please…"

Bishop looked at Donnie, for a moment as Leatherhead managed to pin Mikey to the ground in a choke hold. "Do it."

Leo's seen a lot of things in his life, a lot of things that have left their mark in him, a lot of anger and resentment, bitterness.

But as Donnie and Raph aimed their guns at their younger brother, as he watched their hands shake with emotions; as tears welling in Don's eyes, while Raph bit his lip so hard it bleed. Leo realized that nothing was more difficult, nothing left more of a scar in his heart then when it came to his family hurting.

It took eleven tranquilizers from Don's and Raph's guns to finally calm Mikey down, Leatherhead released Mikey and their youngest brother fell to the ground with a dull thud! And with his last bit of strength, red eyes still filled with rage, looked up at Donnie and Raph, whimpering, before going limp.

Don choked and Raph's breath hitched.

Donnie's weapon fell from his hand, while Raph threw his against the wall. Both reached out for Mikey, desperately needing some type of contact but the remain numbers of Bishops men, hauled Michelangelo away before any contact could be made.

"Breathe, Raphael, it is alright." Master Splinter soothed out, no doubt grasping Raph's arm as he often did in an act of comfort.

"M-Mikey…" Don sounded as though he was on another break down again, his body shaking. Then his brother turned toward him, "L-Leo…"

Leo rushed forward, placing his hands on Donnie's shoulders, "It's okay. They were only tranquilizers, he'll be fine." His hands gripped Don's shoulders, tightly, as he tried to convince himself of that statement, "He'll be fine, Donnie. Okay?"

Wiping at the swell of tears in his eyes, Don nodded.

"If you all will come this way." Bishop said, voice holding the tone of boredom as he gestured them to follow. "We can discuss the next step."

Ever reluctantly, they did so.

Raphael knew that whatever service Bishop required for them, wasn't going to be easy nor was it going to be good. But he never expected this. The man actually wanted them to break into Karai's stronghold and take an artifact from her. "You want us to what?"

Donnie looked just as shellshocked, but he still held that logical stance that he normally does when he's thinking, "Infiltrating Foot Central was hard enough with the Shredder still in charge. But Karai? She upped her security?"

Bishop turned away from them and crossed his arms. "If it's not something you can handle then you all can collect your brother and leave—"

"No!"

Leo stepped forward, eyes narrowing. "We'll do it."

Bishop turned to face them then, "Excellent." They all watched as the man walked forward and pressed a button, which caused a holograph screen to pop, the image was of Karai's stronghold. "Since time is of the essence and since I'm feeling generous. I will provide you with the plans to get inside and get what I required."

"Leo, I don't like this." Raph said, as they all huddled in a corner while Leatherhead kept a close eye on Bishop and Stockman. "It was bad enough gettin' inside when Shredder was there, but Karai? After what she did?"

"I know. But Mikey's running out of time." Leo looked like this was the last thing he wanted to do, but he steeled himself, "What choice do we have? We get in, get what we need and get out."

Raph let out a huff, "Ya know our lucks never been that simple, right?"

"I'm with Leo,"

They turned and saw Don looking down at the ground, his expression desperate and broken, but determined. "We're... We're out of options. If doing this helps us find a cure. Then we gotta do it." Donnie held out his hand, palm facing down, "For Mikey."

Leo and Raph placed their hands on top of Don's, "For Mikey."

Chapter Text

When they finally figured out a plan to infiltrate Foot Headquarters, they, of course, had to debate on who was leaving and who was staying behind to keep an eye on Bishop and Stockman in case they did anything shady to Michelangelo.

And if one were putting logic into this situation the best choice would be to have Donatello stay behind, seeing as he knows more about Michelangelo's situation, from what his brothers have stated towards Leatherhead, science had always more Donatello's element than fighting. So having Donatello stay behind was logical, it made the most sense. But on the other hand both Raphael and Leonardo stayed that they might need Donatello's help at Karai's Headquarters too, that they were gonna need him to create a large enough distraction so that they could get in, get the artifact and get out.

In the end, they all agreed that bringing Donatello along was the best option, in the grand scheme of things.

Well, everyone agreed, except for Donatello.

"I know more about the virus; I know I could be more helpful here then with you guys." Donatello had argued and while that was true, they all knew the real reason why he really wanted to stay behind, not only did he want to leave Michelangelo in the hands of Stockman, but Donatello just… didn't want to leave his baby brother behind at all.

The guilt over what happened, what Donatello still feels like its his fault was still there in his eyes, in his body language.

Leatherhead moved forward, placing his hands his friend's shoulder, "This is as much my fault as it is yours." Donatello winced at the mention of his fault, of his guilt. "We both assumed Michelangelo's condition was nothing to worry on, we both informed him he'd be fine instead of doing the most logical thing any scientist would do and look at all angles, look into all the possibilities that something was wrong, not settle on an answer that is less worrisome. You are needed more there then you are here, I shall stay."

"No." They all turned and watched as Splinter moved, his hand gripped his cane, old eyes looking just as exhausted as they rest of them felt. "I will go."

Leonardo stepped forward, "Master Splinter?"

But Splinter held up his hand and continued speaking. "Leatherhead, you and Donatello are the most qualified to stay behind and aid Michelangelo should he need it. I will go and aid my sons in retrieving the items Bishop requires."

Leatherhead's friends unsurprisingly, did little to argue with their father's orders and promptly readied to depart. Off to the side, Leatherhead watched with a smile on his face, as Leonardo and Raphael pulled Donatello towards them in an adult embrace; informing him to be cautious of Bishop, and Donatello informed them to be careful.

Splinter, however, stood by his side and asked in a whisper, "If you can, please. Aid Donatello if he so needs it as well? I worry for him. For all my sons, as strong as Leonardo and Raphael are being, they too are on the edge of breaking if not for Leonardo's sense of leadership and Raphael's thoughts of weakness getting in the way." Splinter turned his gaze from Leatherhead towards his sons. "But Donatello... his mind and body have suffered ever since Michelangelo's condition started, of all my sons, Donatello has always had an open heart. He grieves for his brother, and he is not well and he may do something reckless. Please, look after them both."

Leatherhead nodded, no hesitation. "Of course, I will do so with my life."

Minutes later, he and Donatello watched them go. Glancing over at his friend, Leatherhead noticed the dark circles under his eyes, how he swayed slightly when they turned and walked back to Stockman's lab. They monitored Michelangelo, checked his vitals, while Stockman worked on the mutated human that was within the other status pod. Looking everything over, twice again, Leatherhead's face looked grim, at the results.

"Leatherhead?"

Donatello looked at him, eyes worried and fearful, he knew that there would be no point in making light of the situation, so he decided to be honest, even if it hurt, "Michelangelo's condition continues to worsen, I'm afraid he... doesn't have much time left."

Donatello closed his eyes, tight, hands shaking, before turning to Stockman, who was murmuring to himself. "Where's the curse, Dr. Stockman?"

But Stockman didn't answer, merely went on a speech, borderline stalling. Leathehead grew impatient, walking forward, he reached out and grabbed Stockman, turning him around to face them, "Show us the cure, now."

Stockman laughed, "Cure? You stupid animal, there is no cure. Bishop lied to you." If Stockman had a face, had lips, he would have been smirking maliciously, "Simply a means to an end, to get what he wanted."

The tension in the room all at once, thickened, and it wasn't because of Leatherhead's anger as it often was, but of Donatello's. Leatherhead grunted out painfully when he felt and saw a stick smack his hand, causing him to drop Stockman.

And for as long as he has known his dear friends, he has never seen Donatello's eyes so filled with rage, weapon at the ready, he pointed it at Stockman, "You lied..." His hands shook, gripping his weapon tightly. "You said you had a cure, we came here for nothing..."

Leatherhead then, remembered Splinter's words. When the elderly rat asked him, pleaded with him to help his sons, help Donatello if he needs it. And right now in this moment, as angry as Leatherhead was at the monsters that tormented him, he knew that the last thing Donatello needed was to cross a line he may regret. So he moved, he moved and gently grasped Donatello's weapon and held on tightly. "My friend, I share your anger, believe me, I do. But doing this is wasting time we do not have, as scientists we must look for answers, solutions."

"You'd be wise to listen to your friend, Donatello." A voice cut through the tension in the air, and instead of making it dissipate, it only added to it, giving who it was, Bishop  practically walked out of the shadows like the villain he was, arms crossed, face neutral.

Donatello ripped his weapon away from Leatherhead's grip, eyes hazed and angry, "If you sent my brothers and father to their death's Bishop I swear I will—!"

But Bishop didn't even flinched, in fact, he was smiling, he was actually enjoying this, and that was almost enough to break Leatherhead from his resolve, and rush at the man. "Dr. Stockman is working on a cure. He is the best chance, Michelangelo has for survival. Harm me and Stockman stops and your precious little brother will die."

Seconds ticked by, then minutes passed, finally Leatherhead watched his friend take a deep breathe, and placed his weapon back behind him. "Okay, okay..." Donatello sighed, rubbing at his eyes tiredly, "Dr. Stockman, please show me what you have so far."

Going over Stockman's notes, they got to work.

Chapter Text

He felt… nothing at first. He felt no pain, no emotions of anger, sadness or fear. There was nothing but him and the darkness of his mind. His mind where he wondered aimlessly, with no memory of who he was or why he was here, where he trudged through the nothingness like as it's thick dark tendrils seemed to stick to him, threatening to pull him back under that sweet peaceful oblivion he had found himself in before.

And as much as he wished he could let it claim him, with no emotions in his heart for him to care, there was something that was preventing him from doing so. Like something had grasped ahold of him and wouldn't let go. He felt it tug, like it wanted to show him something, something fun, and with nothing else to do he let it.

Then all at once the darkness faded from an inky blacked to a fog, and he felt for the first time in what felt like years. He felt confusion and more so, he felt fear.

What was his name, and how did he get here?

Did he have friends?

Family?

Did they put him here?

Or did he wonder here on his own?

The tugging against his arm continued, becoming more and more insistent.

He followed, he followed quickly, with a purpose he didn't even know he had because now he cared, now he wanted, hoped that this force could help him. He followed this endless tugging for what felt like hours, he let it lead him through the thick fog until it stopped and was suddenly gone.

His heart dropped with dread.

He reached out, desperately trying to clinch to that force, because if he lost it now then he'd be truly alone and that thought scared him more than not knowing his own name, he grasped at the air, clawed at the fog, but there was nothing, "Please!" He cried out, heart hammering, "Please, wait! Don't go, please help me!" He didn't want to be here anymore, he didn't want be left behind and forgotten.

But there was nothing.

His vision burned, eyes becoming misty with the raw emotion of betrayal and abandonment. It boiled in his chest and escaped through his mouth in a scream so potent, it left his head throbbing with how earth shattering it was as he collapsed to his knees in a heap of dead weight.

He cried...

He cried so loudly that his sobs echoed through the nothingness and made it's way back to him. He cried for what seemed like years, decades, before his heart felt heavy and his emotions felt dry and hollow. Then he moved his hands away from his face and narrowed his eyes, because not only was his skin along his hands and arms green to the color, but he only had three fingers. No sooner did that realization come to his mind did he notice the fog underneath him, part around him. Where it wasn't simply solid ground, but a mirror that seemed to be reflecting the void around him.

Looking into it, he could see his reflection.

He stared at himself. Stared at his bright blue eyes blinking back at him, stared at his face, at the color of skin, his expression. He felt like he should be more freaked out that this is what he looked like but oddly, he didn't feel all that surprised, in fact, he felt normal, he felt content with his appearance.

Now if he could just remember his name then he could…

He could what?

Leave?

Was there even an exit?

Was there even anywhere he could go if he happened to find his way out?

Slowly, he stood back up, looking around for any sign of freedom from this place but found nothing, just the same stretch of fog that went on for miles. Was there a secret to it? Some kind of hidden way to make a door appear. Did he have to do a dance? Confess a sin, yell and scream?

Was there a question he had to answer?

If so, what was he suppose to ask?

Then for the first time, he heard something. Something that was his own voice for a change. It was a different voice, one that seemed so far away but was still just loud enough for it to catch his attention,

"Hello?" He replied, looking around.

To his right, he heard it again, he moved in that direction legs moving fast, feeling like he had a purpose once more.

The more he walked in that direction, the louder the voice got, "Please…"

"Hello?" He called out, his voice raising above the fog, "Who's there?"

"Please, come back." The voice took on a tone of pleading now, he could hear the desperation behind it, the fear and pain behind those words, someone was looking for him, someone wanted him back. "Please… let this work."

"Please!" He begged, no longer able to take the suspense any longer, "Who are you? Who am I?"

"Mi—!"

He stopped, dead in his tracks, he rooted himself to the spot and listened.

"Mikey!"

It was like something shocked his mind, a jolt restarting his brain, making him let out a choked gasp. 

All at once the fog around him lifted, it dispersed within seconds

And he remembered

Tears of joy cascaded down his cheeks, the sheer raw emotions that swirled in his chest, made his body trembled as an smile spread a crossed his face so wide that he felt like his cheeks might split open. He remembered what he was, and what he was to other people, to his friends and more importantly, to his family.

Taking in a shaky breath, he closed his eyes, and grinned, knowing the answer to the question his mind sought,

"Michelangelo."

Then he relaxed, and without any hesitation or fear of the unknown, he let him fall.

And when Mikey came to, he found himself within that same fog, but it was different this time, no longer was it a vast open area like but now more enclosed. Like he was physically inside something, instead of simply stuck within his own head. Mikey heard voices, they were muffled, but they were there and more importantly, he knew who they belonged to, they were his family, they were his brothers.

Coming to his rescue like they always did.

Reaching forward, desperately wanting to be with them, his hand met the smooth feeling of glass underneath is fingertips. A second later, the glass slid open, making the fog disperse once more. Gently, he moved, his legs shook from the action, but he continued anyway. Refusing to give up when his brothers were so close. Grasping the edge of the enclosed space he found himself in, Mikey climbed out.

The fog faded away and there stood his family.

For a moment, there was silence, as they all stared at him. Then tears swelled in his eyes. Slowly he raised a hand, in an attempt to wave. "Hey guys" He smiled tiredly at them, "You guys having a party without me..." Vertigo consumed his mind for a moment, as he felt himself fall forward, only to be caught by Leatherhead, who kept him from face planting.

"I got you, my friend." Leatherhead said, as he gently hugged Mikey to him for a moment before pulling away, steadying him just right before letting go and stepping back.

There, Mikey got a clear view of his brothers.

Donnie had a hand pressed tightly to his mouth, tears falling down his cheeks. Raph was shaking, trembling where he stood, and Leo was smiling, eyes misty and shaking just as much as Raph.

His brothers

They'd saved him, like he knew they would.

He grinned at them, "Hey bros."

Mikey watched as their bodies went rigid for a moment before snapping forward like a rubber band. 

"Mikey!"

His brothers wasted no time in rushing forward, sweeping him up in three-part embrace. Leo was the first to arrive, wrapping his arms around Mikey in a shell crushing embrace, pulling him close, digging his chin into Mikey's shoulder blade, and letting out a shaky breath. While Donnie and Raph took up his sides, Raph had a firmly grip on his shell, still shaking, while Donnie practically glued himself to Mikey's left side, pressing his forehead against Mikey's cheek, and letting out a dry sob.

Mikey felt a swell of peace engulfed him, he smiled. His throat tightening emotionally, and he did his best to return the embrace while simultaneously sagging into his big brothers arms, tiredly.

He turned his head slightly to the right and beyond Donnie, he saw Master Splinter standing there, old eyes glistening with tears, while a joyful smiled spread a cross his face. Pressing his face closer to Donnie's forehead as to not break contact, he moved his arm and reached out to his Master, "Papa..."

The nickname he used to call his father when he was young tumbled out of his mouth, without his say so. Master Splinter's eyes widened, realizing the sentiment too, his hand reached forward in kind and tightly grasped Mikey's in return. His forehead pressed against his knuckles.

"My son." Tears mingled into his father's fur. "My dear Michelangelo…"

Exhaustion hitting him suddenly, he fades out rather quickly. Only to fade back long enough to see the copter, Donnie had been working on before this whole thing started come into view. Everyone piled into the vehicle, and Mikey felt Leatherhead place him on the cool metal floor, before stepping back and heading over to the controls.

He opened eyes, looked towards Don and smiled, "You put in my ideas." A huff of laughter bubbled up into his chest, as he weakly gestured over various ideas, he had pitched to his genius brother when he first started the redesigns, "Nice job, Donnie."

Fresh tears spilled down Donnie's cheeks and he rushed forward, gluing himself to Mikey's side in another embrace. "I love you…" His body quaking violently, "I love you, I'm sorry.." Mikey raised his arm and grabbed hold of Don's shoulder as his genius brother continued to chant multiple 'I love yous' and 'I'm sorry's' and pressed himself firmly against Donnie's plastron, his eyes turned to Leo and smiled.

He wanted to say something snarky, something that would lighten the mood, but really, right now his right side all he wanted was for Leo to spout some words of brotherly wisdom and hold him as tightly as Don was. "Leo…" The tone Mikey used, held the same emotion it always did when they were younger, where Mikey went through long period of nonstop night terrors.

Where he'd run to either Donnie's or Leo's room seeking comfort, he knew they'd reply without an ounce of sass, unlike, who back then thought he had been a crybaby.

Thankfully, his eldest brother got the hint and firmly placed his arms around both Donnie and Mikey, pulling them close and placing a chaste peck on Mikey's head. "I got you," Leo murmured to both of them, tightening his hold a fraction more for good measure. "I'm never letting you go again, never."

Finally, he turned to Raph, he stood there stubbornly pretend that he was fine when Mikey knew he wasn't. As valuable as Raphael was at the moment, Michelangelo knew and respected his brother's personal space, so he offered him a grin and a laugh, "Hey Raphie, I knew you cared."

Raph smirked, letting out a noise that was a mixture between a scoff and a choke. Gently, he bent down, crossed his legs and with the back of his knuckles, gave Mikey one of his signature affectionate noogies. "Knucklehead, 'ourse I care."

And still firmly pressed in Donnie's embrace as well as Leo, Mikey finally let the motion of the copter rock him into peaceful oblivion.

Chapter Text

It had been a whole week since they came back from Area 51, where they managed to save their little brother from death at the hands of Bishop's outbreak. And slowly, he noticed, certain instances, certain mannerisms in his brothers as the days dragged on.

It started with Leo.

Whom stepped up his mother henning to maximum. Every time Mikey tried to do something, if there was even the slightest hint that he was struggling, Leo would appear out of nowhere like the ninja he was and aid him.

"Here Mike, let me help you with that."

"Hey, Mikey. Why don't you let Raph and I cook for a while?"

"Sensei and I were talking, and why don't sit out on practice today?"

Normally, Mikey wouldn't mind the help, but it was like Leo didn't trust him to do anything on his own anymore. And Mikey knew why, he understood why Leo was being cautious, after what they just all went through. After the trauma they endured, both physically and mentally. He'd be surprised if Leo wasn't acting like this, if he wasn't acting overprotective, because that meant, he didn't care.

But like if Leo didn't trust him to pour himself a bowl of cereal what was next, following him to the bathroom?

Hell no, he loved his eldest brother, but Leo really needed to know that Mikey wasn't some weak child that couldn't do anything for himself.

Walking towards the dojo, he hesitated for a second or two before tip toeing inside. And there sitting in the middle of the floor like Mikey knew he would be; was Leonardo. Mikey took a breath and let it out slowly, "Um, Leo?"

Leo raised his head, blinking his eyes open, "Mikey, hey." The genuine smile Leo gave him, made Mikey feel guilt crawl in his stomach. "What's up?"

Mikey stiffened, he brings a hand to the back of his neck, shit.., he couldn't do it— Not when his brother was looking at him like that. "Uh, nothing… I just… Mind if I join you?"

Leo blinked, surprised. And Mikey couldn't blame him, meditation was never really his strong suite. He could mediate like the rest of his brothers, but he had a bad habit of losing himself, falling into a deep sleep. Leo recovered relatively quickly, he smiled yet again, gesturing him forward, "Of course you can, Mikey."

Mikey moved and took a seat in front of his brother.

"Find your center." Leo instructed closing his eyes and Mikey followed moments after. He focused on his center, concentrated hard and grasped it tightly when he found it. Once there he let his disappointment go, he let his frustration go. This entire week had been so frustrating.

His nightmares were worse then ever, the strain of his second mutation had all but zapped him of his strength. Hell, he'd barely made it to the dojo without sweating. No wonder Leo thought he was weak.

Mikey jolted suddenly, as something grasped his hand, bring him out of his meditation. Opening his eyes, he saw Leo back at him, his expression concerned, as he held on to Mikey's hand tightly. "Mikey? Are you okay?"

It was only from Leo's words, did Mikey realize he was actually shaking. Mikey let out a hollow laugh, "Am I okay? What about you?"

Leo tilted his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"You've… been mother henning a lot. I mean a lot more then normal. And like… I get why. It's not that I don't understand it's just—" Mikey paused looking down at the ground trying to search for the right words, to explain his thoughts without sounding stupid.

"Just?" Leo pressed, giving Mikey's hand a gentle squeeze, reassuring him he was there.

"I mean, I just…" Mikey grit his teeth together, annoyed. Dammit, why the hell was this so hard? ”I feel like can't do anything already, so knowing that you already think I'm weak—"

Then Mikey felt a hand cupping his chin, bring his gaze up towards Leo, who was frantically shaking his head. "No, no. Mikey… I don't think your weak. Shell, after what you've been through, proves that you aren’t."

Mikey turned his hand and returned Leo's grip, while he used the other hand to release the grip Leo had from his chin. "Why are you doing everything for me? I mean… I know I get tired. Hell, I'm tired right now, but— I guess that…"

"I'm making it worse."

Mikey started, eyes wide, gripping Leo's wrist tightly, because the last thing he ever wanted was for Leo to blame himself more then he already was. Before when he wanted to have this talk, he never wanted Leo to feel any type of guilt.

Mikey merely wanted to explain how he was feeling. Since it has been so very long since they had a conversation about how they felt. But he fucked it up, anyway. Like he always did, "It's not your fault. It's me, I'm the one that's being a baby. Please, don't blame yourself." Everyone was already so tightly wounded that any more guilt would probably cause someone to crack under the pressure.

"Michelangelo."

Shit, full name, that's never good.

He looked up, and the look on Leo's face was as gentle as it was serious. "I don't think you are weak. I did those thing because I wanted to, because I realized after you— after we lost you," Leo winced and gripped Mikey's hand tighter, face contorted in pain. "I realized just how much stuff actually do... And when we got you back, and I watched you try to make breakfast merely two days after everything happened, I just saw you morphing back, and I thought that— that you needed to take it easy. Because I didn't want to chance another relapse." Mikey looked and saw the love there, in his brother's eyes, the fear and pain that still lingered there. "We were so lost without you, Mikey."

Leo pulled his hand from Mikey's and cupped his baby brother's cheeks. "Raph was numb, I caught him once just staring at the static on the TV with this blank expression on his face, he wasn't even crying, he was just gone. Donnie— Don was desperate to save you, he felt so guilty over what happened that he had a mental breakdown. And I—" Leo ran a thumb over Mikey's cheek, as he grimaced.

"I failed you."

Leonardo blinked against the darkness, rubbing a hand down his face as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings. There in the doorway stood, his youngest brother. Tears shined in those bright blue eyes, as he wrung his hands together nervously. Leo sat up immediately, "What's up, Mike?" He Inquired, softly. "Nightmare?"

Mikey shook his head. "No…"

Leo thought for a moment, "Raph?"

Another shake.

Leo raked his brain for any other possible solution as to his brother distressed, but then taking in Mikey's appearance, really taking it all in, he realized that wasn't important. Slowly, Leo held out his arms and gave Mike a gentle smile. "Want a hug?"

Mikey nodded, wiping at his eyes before crawling onto the bed and into Leo's arms. There he clung to his big brother like a baby koala. They laid there for a few minutes, in silence. Nothing but the ticking of the clock hanging on Leo's wall was there only source of sound.

Then eventually, Mikey's resolves broke without warning and he started to softly cry into Leo's plastron. Leo rubbed soft circles against Mikey's shell, rocking back and forth, as he opening his mouth and began to sing.

Nanika ga matteru

Sakasama ni natte, zutto matteru

Slowly, through hitched breath and small hiccups, Mikey settled more, nuzzled Leo's shoulders with the side of his cheek and joined in.

The memory brought even more tears to his eyes, as Mikey continued to hum the lyrics Leo sang to him when they were children, all the while rubbing his shell because now he was the one being comforted, he was the one that need to be held and be reassured it's okay to let go.

Mike was giving him that choice, that chance to just let it go after keeping everything tucked away for so long.

His heart ached, as he finally shed those layers that held back his emotions. He practically crushed Mikey to him, arms wrapping around his baby brother like a snake, because he never wanted to let him go again. His breath hitched, eyes burning, he quietly sobbed into Mikey's shoulder as Mike continued to hum those familiar lyrics.

Then ever so softly, Leo joined in. Then ever so softly, Leo joined in. Rocking back and forth, he sang along with Mikey's gentle humming.

Sonomama dakedo, kawatteyuku

Mainichi kanarazu, honno wazuka zutsu

Their voices trailed off, not needing the song anymore and was content in just holding the other. "Leo?"

"Hm?"

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

In any normal circumstance, Mikey and his brothers were used to Don pulling all nighters in his lab. His genius brother would spend night and day, tinkering away at his inventions. Only ever coming out to get some coffee or use the bathroom, it was normal, something that Mikey has gotten use to over the years. Mikey would balance that out with becoming Don's assistance, bringing him food, testing out his inventions, sometimes he'd just sit in a chair and listen to Donnie talk. Sometimes his brother would use words he didn't understand, and sometimes he'd surprise even himself by carrying on a conversation.

And though, Don shut himself away in his lab the door had always been open, any of them could just walk in and check on him.

"Hey, Don. Ya doin' okay?"

"Donnie, you want to take a break and go topside?"

"Needs some help, Donnie?"

Nothing ever stopped them, until today. Because in the two weeks since they've been back, not only had Don completely shut himself in his lab but he took it one step further and locked the door so that no one could get in. Fixing the door with an actual pass code, they tried to crack it. Oh they tried to every code they could think of. Birthdays, holidays, the anniversary when they met April and Casey or when they went to the Battle Nexus. Nothing, and after a while they just left it alone.

Well everyone except Mikey, he stared at the buttons, until his eyes were sore. It had to be something important, Donnie isn't one to make passwords with just random numbers. Don was a sentimental turtle, everything he did, held meaning. Every milestone in their lives, good or bad. Painful or not. He carried and held a piece of it: in digital photograph or something solid you could hold, or an encrypted file no one could access but him.

Whatever code Don used to lock them out, was important, and it meant something to only him. 

Reaching forward, Mikey input the code.

031905

And to his relief and surprise, a click sounded off and the light turned to green. Smiling to himself at his triumph, Mikey took a breath, before walking inside. It didn't take long to spot Donnie sitting at his desk, head resting against his hands, snoring. He knew better then to wake a sleeping Don, last time he tried, he ended flat on his shell.

Besides, his brother looked like he really needed the rest. So Mikey walked over to the desk, pulled out the chair that was ironically labeled: Mikey, and sat down.

Having time to kill, Mikey looked around his brother's lab and realized it was littered with empty coffee filters and crumpled up blueprints. It was then that Mikey noticed that Don had built himself a coffee machine in his lab so that he didn't to have to leave his lab, not only that but... Mikey squinted his eyes, over a few feet away, hidden in the corner of the room was bottles of—

He crunched up his nose in disgust, Gross Donnie, and I thought you were the sanitary turtle..

Never been the turtle to keep still, and knowing that this place needed a serious clean up, Mikey got up from where he sat and moved around. grabbing the already filled waste bin, he crammed as many coffee filters and— liquid bottles as he could fit inside before he walked out of the room and found Leo and Raph sparring along with Casey, "Hey guys."

"What's that ya got there, knucklehead?" Raph asked as he shoved Casey away with his hand when their friend tried to grab him in a headlock.

"I got Donnie's lab open, found all this stuff inside." Mikey placed the waste bin on the ground and gave Leo a little wave, before turning back around, "You guys mind taking that out for me?"

Leo called after him, "Wait, Mikey—! You got Don's door open?"

But Mikey simply grinned and run out of the room. "Don't open the bottles!"

Walking back into the lab, Mikey found that Donnie was still in the exact place he left him. Head laying on the desk, and snoring. Mikey gave his brother a smile, rubbing Donnie's head fondly. As he stood there, he realized that Don was laying on a note. Never one to pass up an opportunity to know what Donnie was inventing, he craned his head to the side and looked at the note.

And his heart shattered.

Ways To Keep My Brothers Safe When I Leave:

It's come to my conclusion that I'm a burden to them, what happened with Mikey, almost losing him… it was an eye opener. Every time I make a mistake, or make a false judgement, I risk their safety. Instead of doing what any logical scientist would do, and looked over Mikey's cut, I foolishly shrugged it off and told him he'd be fine, and because of that he—

I need to prepare; I have to make sure they are safe when I leave

1. Remote back up power generator, in case of power outages

2. In case of ambush, creator defense system to give them time to escape.

3. In case escape isn't possible, creator a weapons vault, having most of them be tranquilizers

4. Leave my brothers a video log when they notice I'm—

Mikey's vision blurred and he back away from the note and his hand fell away from Don's head. He paced around the room, his mind was racing, as he felt file raise in his throat. He couldn't believe what he just read, he didn't want to believe it, believe his brother was actually planning on leaving.

Something that Mikey knew Don had fear ever since Mikey had sat him down and forced his big brother to tell him about the dimension Drako sent him to, a dimension that Donnie was convinced was they're possible future, a future that traumatized him.

The Donatello in that place disappeared for 30 years, and that caused so much pain to their family. So why the hell would Don even think about leaving? After everything that just happened?

And just like he had with Raph, Mikey felt equal parts anger and guilt consume him. Anger because how could Don do this? And guilt, because Mikey knew deep down that Don was only doing this because he was drowning in his own guilt over what happened to him.

"Losing you almost killed us, Mikey." Leo admitted as he and Raph sat him down at the kitchen table and explained the situation. "But Don… he took it the worse of us."

While he was trying to wrap his mind around what he had just seen, Mikey heard a whimper behind him. Turning around, he watched Donnie cry out in his sleep, shoulders shaking. Despite how heavy his heart felt, Mikey walked over and placed his hands on his brother's shoulders, giving Don a shake. "Wake up Donnie."

Don squirmed, tears leaking out of his eyes, "M-Mikey!"

Mikey closed his eyes, shaking Donnie a little harder. "Don, wake up!"

"MIKEY!"

"DON!"

Donnie woke with a jolt, his muscles spasms violently as he bolted straight up. His heart was pounding in his chest so loud he could hear it in his eardrums. His lungs felt deprived of air, his breathe hitched deep in his throat as he was ripped away from the nightmare, he'd been having the last week.

Don was able to feel something on his shoulder steadying him, but he wasn't able to properly react to whatever it was yet. His pulse was still racing, chest aching as every time he closed his eyes, his nightmare would replay in flash backs. Him holding a gun, aimed towards Mikey, and him actually pulling the trigger—

He winced and his body gave a violent shudder. When his brain caught up with his body movements, he realized someone was talking to him, consoling him. And his eyes widened when he realized who it actually was.

Looking up, Don saw Mikey leaning over him. His eyes widened in shock, "Easy Donnie."

"Mikey?" Don rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly, "What... How did you get in here? There's a passcode on the door—"

"Oh 031905, right?"

Donnie blinked, still just as confused as before "Yeah, how did you...?"

"Wasn't that hard, really. March, 19th 2005? The same day Daimyo and Drake sent us a crossed time and space?"

It was then that Donnie realized how strange Mikey sounded, more monotone, he kinda sounded... Looking up, Don figured why, there currently drying on Mike's cheeks, were tear tracks. Protective instincts kicked in and Donnie got to his feet, "Mikey, are you okay?" He looked down at Mikey's left arm and saw the swelling against Mikey's wrist, like it had been twisted by something.

And Don felt his breath leave him, "Mikey—! What happened!? Why is your wrist—?" Donnie surged forward, heart racing, fear consuming him, but stopped dead in his tracks when he watched Mikey back away from him, Donnie felt like he'd been slapped a crossed the face.

He reached out a hand, "Mikey...?" But Mikey wasn't looking at him, he was looking at the ground, his expression... it did little to calm Don's anxiety. He chanced another step forward, just an inch forward, "Are you... okay?"

Mikey let out a hollowed laugh, and Don shivered at how much it sounded like the Michelangelo from... "I don't think anyone would be okay if they found this." Donnie watched Mikey hold up something in his hand and his heart dropped into his stomach when he realized what it was.

Oh no...

No, no, no...

Don opened his mouth, gaping like a fish as he stared at Mikey and the note in his hand. "You— You weren't suppose to see that." Because it was true, none of his brothers were supposed to see that note, it's why he created that padlock code to keep them out.

Mikey narrowed his eyes, "And that makes it okay?" His brother scoffed at him, "Hiding it from us, that you were planning on leaving and not telling us, makes it okay?"

Don shook his head, frantically trying to collect his thoughts in order to explain. "No, no... I was going to make recording—"

"That doesn't fucking matter." Mikey's eyes were blazing with anger but also tones of guilt and sadness there, looking so very like his older counterpart, it scared him, terrified him.

"If you... If you let me explain, I—"

"There is no excuse for this, Donatello!"

But Donnie shook his head, stepping forward, why couldn't he understand? He was doing this for him, for his baby brother, for his older brothers, for their father... Because he loved them so much. "J-Just listen—"

"No, you listen!"

Donnie froze, caught off guard by his baby brother's growling tone of voice. "I know your not okay. Ever since we came back, none of you guys have been okay, especially you, Leo and Raph told me... And I get it, I do.." Mikey looked at the note in his and sighed. "But after everything? After all we just went through? You just want to leave?"

Donnie wanted to interrupt, to explain, but he knows not to interrupt his baby brother when he's like this. Plus he wouldn't have been able to speak even if he had the opportunity to do so because Mike didn't give him a chance.

Mikey paced around the room and continued talking, not even giving himself a moment to breath, as his breathe caught in his throat and he gasped out, and Don stepped forward, hand outstretched, "Mikey, breathe."

Mikey's gaze was so sharp, Donnie was sure it went right through him... "Is it me? Am I the reason...? Am I that much of a pain in the ass—"

Ice formed in Don's veins, he shook his head frantically, "No, no, no... Mikey, it's not you—"

"Then why?" His brother asked, as he walked forward cupped Donnie's cheeks in his hands, eyes filled with fear and pain, "How did that big brain of yours even think that leaving was the best option when we've always solved our problems together?"

"I… I—" His eyes moved downward and fixed on Mikey's left arm and the minute Donnie's eyes laid on the appendage, his pulse quickened. Don's hands shook, as he reached up, and clasped them over Mikey's wrists, needed something to hold onto to keep himself from falling.

A low growling could be heard in the distance, Donnie couldn't help the small gasp that escaped him as the world fell away, leaving him stranded in a pit of darkness was no way out. The darkness pooled around him, leaving him with only a small portion of light to remain safe within until that was also eventually consumed.

The feral growling of his baby brother coming closer towards him, grew louder until it was all that could be heard.

"Donnie."

He jerked around of the voice and from out of the darkness stepped Mikey.

But it didn't take long for Don to notice the changes; the mask tied around the head, those blue eyes, which once had been filled with love and wonder— were now emotionless, haunted, cold and angry. And what was the most telling out of all of them was a little ways down, was the missing arm.

His fearful as he was, as quick as his heart was beating and his mind was racing, Donatello knew this wasn't his brother, it was Michelangelo, yes.

But not his, Mikey.

Not his baby brother, who was all smiles and jokes, who could light up a room with his mere presence, who did everything he could to help his family while still loving comics and junk food, Still bragging about being Battle Nexus Championship more so to annoy Raphael then to feed his ego.

Mike looked at him, eyes lazing, "Why'd you leave us, Don?"

The guilt was threatening to consume him, as he gaped his mouth open like a fish trying to find a way to explain, to apologize to Mikey for hurting him, but nothing came out. No apology, no explanation, he just… stood there, frozen to the spot as he started at Michelangelo, watching in horror as his brother begin to bleed, in the same fatal injuries that the Karai Legions inflicted upon him.

He felt bile raise in his throat and he couldn't help but turn away.

His body stiffened, as a feeling of cold dread washed over when he felt the growling from before breath in his ear, hot and thick against his cheek. Slowly, he turned and saw the beast, the feral monster that Mikey has turned into because of Bishop's Outbreak and Donnie's stupidity to see anything wrong.

Heart pounding in his ears, Don looked for any possible way of escape, but found none, nothing but the sea of darkness surrounding him. "What's wrong, Donnie? Afraid to face us? Afraid to look at what you did to us?"

Finally finding his voice, Don was only managed to utter a small, "M-Mikey, I—" Whatever he was to say next died on his lips when a large hand grabbed him by the neck and squeezed.

And Don screamed, he fought against the force holding him, trying to get away from the guilt demons that were haunting him with visions of guilt and pain.

Please, stop…

I'm sorry… Please

"DONNIE!"

The force of a sudden call of his name, as he felt himself like a rubber band as it violently snapped reality. But his mind still believed to be in danger for it thrashed around, he struggled to get away from whatever was holding him and somewhere safe, someplace where he could regroup and find his family.

"Breathe, Don! It's okay, I'm here."

That sounded like…

Yes, he knew that voice,

That voice didn't have the ill contempt for him like before, that voice wasn't snarling at him, getting ready to devour him. This time it really sounded like… like Michelangelo. His precious baby brother who'd he'd fight a hundred Shredder's if it meant keeping him out of harm's way. Donnie wanted to open his eyes and search for Mikey, because he needed him here, here in his arms and safe, but he was scared to. Scared that if he opened his eyes, he'd see what has been plaguing him with nightmares the last week, so he reached out instead, grasping at air blindly. "M-Mikey... otouto—" He practically jumped ten feet in the air when fingers like his own grasped his and held on tightly,

"Right here, Donnie." The voice of his brother sounded strange, raspy, like he'd been yelling, but was still so filled with emotion like it always was. "Open your eyes, big brother. It's okay."

But Don shook his head, "I'm scared to,"

The hand around his gripped tighter, "Trust me, Don. It's okay."

Donnie reached up with his other hand and clung to that hand, that voice that sounded so much like Mikey. Taking a deep breathe, he opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Mikey starring up at him, blue eyes shining with tears. "There's my big brother. Thought I'd lost you to your PTSD there for a second, dude." Frantically, Donnie's eyes darted around, noticing his brother's lip busted, while a thin lair of blood trickled down his snout. And as his mind finally caught up with him, he realized that he'd done that and his heart broke, at the knowledge of it.

Letting go of Mikey's hand, he reached forward and cupped his baby brother's cheeks, wiping away the tears in the corner of his eyes with the pads of his thumb.

The action made Mikey smile and lean into his touch. "Hey."

Don's lip trembled; never has he ever thought his heart could ache this much. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry-" He whispered, as tears of shame and guilt cascaded down his cheeks, "This is all my fault; how could I have said you be fine? How could I? I should have known better, I should have run test, like you s-said… but I didn't and then we lost you." His voice cracked; his breath hitched deep in his chest as his shoulders shook from suppressed sobs. "I lost you, I lost you and I didn't know what to do, there were moments where I couldn't breathe." He stroked Mikey's cheek, bowing his head, as he felt his brother grasp his wrists. "God, I didn't know what to do and then I had to shoot you and then you looked at me and for a moment… it was you looking at me and I couldn't—"

"Aw Donnie…"

Don looked up just in time to see Mikey practically crawl into his arms like he use to do long ago when they were young tots and Leo sang them all that Lullaby Mikey loved so much. "I'm sorry, I got so mad."

God, the fact that Mikey was even attempting to apologize broke his heart. Donnie shook his head frantically, curling his arms around Mikey's shell, and just, held him like a baby, cradled in his arms. "Please don't apologize, otouto." Rubbing Mikey's shell with tenderness he hasn't done since they were children, "You have nothing to be sorry about."

But Mikey just shook his head and nuzzled the side of his cheek, tucking his head underneath Don's chin. "If I hadn't pushed you, you wouldn't have been triggered by your PTSD."

Donnie pressed his cheek against Mikey's head, closing his eyes, his tears hitting his brother's snout and arm but he doubted Mikey even cared. "Not your fault, you... had every right to be angry... i never should have written that note, it's just—" He winced, holding Mikey closer, "I've caused you so much pain. I've become such a grievance to you and everyone else. In more ways then just..." His hand drifted to his brothers left arm and held it, held it tightly for everything this appendage represented. "Even after we got you back. Knowing I caused it, in some way... I couldn't... I couldn't breath from guilt of it." He closed his eyes for a moment, his heart aching. "I thought that, if I planned ahead, if I prepared you guys, then leaving would be the best option. And we wouldn't end up like them."

"Donnie..." Mikey grasped his hand, interweaving their fingers. "When I found the note, I... was hurt." Don winced and wrapped his arms tighter around his baby brother. "The thought of you leaving, knowing that you actually had a plan for it, a whole list of the things we'll need when you were gone—" Mikey's shoulders shook, and Donnie was glad that he couldn't see Mike's face, or he surely would have shattered completely more then he already was. "So I was angry, and hurt that you would leave us and I may sound selfish by saying this, knowing that I'm suppose to be helping you feel better, like I helped Leo and Raph, but…"

Mikey pulled away from their embrace just enough to look at him. Bright blue eyes met dark brown ones, "Don't leave. Leo and Raph are the best; Leo's the greatest big brother we have, and Raphie's a big walking sign of 'protect' and I love them too, but Donnie… you're my best friend. You've always just understood me, even when I was being annoying, you've always just been there for me, in a way Leo and Raph can't… I don't care what the future holds, I don't care if you think leaving would help me in the long run, it wouldn't— Please, don't leave me.. I need you; we all need you. We're a team, after all, right?"

"We were a team, without you— it just didn't work..."

Mikey's young face, for a moment, just a moment, turned old and scarred. But this time there was no glare, no frown, but a small pained but genuine smile.

"Donnie! Donnie, I'm—"

Apologizing, that's what he was going to say… that he was sorry for the cold nature towards him, for keeping him at a distance instead of embracing him like Raph had done.

Something poked his cheek and all at once, the old, scarred face of his brother morphed back into the young one, his expression confused, poking at his cheek, trying to get his attention. Fresh tears slipped down his cheeks, as he smiled for the first time in what felt like decades.

Gently, he bent down, and pressed his forehead against Mikey's, "I'll stay."

The smile that broke a crossed Mikey's expression warmed his heart, "Really? Like, really?

Don pulled back and poked Mike between the eyes, "How can I say no to that pouting face."

Mikey scoffed, swatting away Don's hand playfully, "I don't pout."

Donnie narrowed his eyes, chuckling, "Of course, you pout. It's part of who your charm. You're my baby brother, after all." Reaching up, giving Mikey's head an affectionate pat. Because it was true, Mikey was his baby brother, his only little brother. "That and being Battle Nexus Champion."

Mike giggled as he settled against him, where this time, he returned the embrace with one of his own, as he traced the lines along Don's shell with his finger. "You really won't leave?" The question was still filled with so much, "Right?"

He rocked Mikey back and forth, giving his brother a peck against his temple. "I'm staying right here, little brother. I promise."

"Thank goodness." Mikey let out a small sigh of relief, "I love you, Donnie."

Don closed his eyes, feeling his heart still aching, still broken, but better then he's felt in the past week and a half, he let a content sigh escape him, "I love you too, otouto."

And if Donatello looked up from where he sat, and saw a blur of a blue and red bandanna disappear behind the corners of his lab doors, he simply smiled and didn't comment, content with where he was, on the ground with his brother in his arms.

Chapter Text

When his nightmares started, Mikey did his best to hide the effects they had on him during the day, he talked, laughed, trying to be okay for his brothers on the outside, even if he really wasn't on the inside. His brothers needed him to be happy more then he needed not be okay. So, in the daytime, pretended to be his regular self, all smiles with his brothers and father by his side, but at night?

That's when he was truly alone.

Where he trained himself, trained his body to not thrash around, trained his voice to be silent whenever he cried out in fear.

Nightmares of claws, red vision, sharp teeth, images of a feral drool running down his lips. As he savagely attacking his friends and family. Images of the agony, he put his brothers through, the pain on their faces as he snarled and thrashed at them, clawed at the container they held him in for his own safety. So he held himself as still as he could and as silent as those nightmares plagued him during the night and smiled during the day.

But as the days and nights stretched out longer, Mikey found that pretending he was fine was becoming more and more straining on him, both mentally and physically. And there was no more so evidence of this as when he had cooked breakfast one day and accidently let the pancakes burn after he fell asleep which caused him to get a second degree burn on his hand as a result.

Or that time Raph and Casey dog piled him, and Mikey felt, claustrophobic within seconds. Mikey found himself letting out a low snarl before tossing them both off and hurling them against the wall, before running off and hiding in his room for hours until he felt like it was safe.

If his brothers didn't think something was wrong before, then they most definitely did now. How could they not? After how he has been acting lately?

Thankfully though, if his brothers had thought something was up with him they had not commented on it, which had him let out a sigh of relief because that gave Mikey time to figure out how to better handle his situation without alerting his family any more than they already do.

And that is why he was here, standing at the bottom of April's basement stairs, his hands twitching as he contemplated going up and talking to April or chickening out and telling her never mind. But he knew that there was a possibility to lessen the severity of these nightmares, then he could take any action he could. These nightmares, the guilt and frustration he held over himself, the burden he felt on his family, he knew there needed to be something done, because this wasn't healthy.

Walking up the steps, he found April sitting on the couch with Casey, holding hands as they waited for him. Like he asked them to be. "Heya, you two." He greeted with a wave of his hand.

Casey looked up first. "Sup Mikey."

April got up first, walking over to him and giving him a warming embrace, and Mikey just shaved into her embrace for a moment. April's hugs always felt different then his brothers or father. He saw April kinda like his big sister in every sense but mutation blood but whenever she hugged him, Mikey always had the sense, the feeling of a mothers embrace he never got to experience.

"How are you, Mike?" She asked in a low but comforting tone, stepping back and gave him one of her gentle smiles while Casey clapped him playfully on his shell.

"I'm..." He paused realizing that he didn't truly know how to answer that question. He wasn't fine, that much was obvious, but he also wasn't awful either. "That's... kinda what I came to talk with you guys about."

April placed a hand on his cheek and once again Mikey was hit with that motherly affection, as he leaned into it, "How can we help?"

Mikey started off slow, explaining his situation in detail. The nightmares, how he recalled bits and pieces of his time as a feral monster whenever he closed his eyes for more than a few moments. Casey and April listened intently but never interrupted him, of which he was grateful for, because now that he was finally voicing what was wrong with him verbally, he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. He explained, he could still feel the beast lingering inside him, always just there whenever he became too stressed or when he felt like he was cornered.

After a beat of silence, while Mikey tried to catch his breath, Casey asked in a gentle tone, "Is that why ya tossed Raph and me off when we jumped ya?" Pressing a hand against his shell, which Mikey found kinda touching seeing as he really only ever used that tone of voice or gentleness with April.

Mikey nodded and continued, "I know I'm back, that I'm… me, but it's still there, I can feel it. And it's always so much worse at night, because then I can see what it did, while it was in control, what I did to my brothers, Splinter, Leatherhead… what I almost did to you guys."

He remembered.

God, he remembered, and he wished he didn't.

April's screams of terror, the beast grabbing her by the arm and nearly breaking it like a twig had Casey not swan dived out of no where and grabbed him in a chokehold. Then his attention was turned to Casey as the monster fight or flight instincts kicked in and it slammed him against the wall, grabbing Casey by the ankle and squeezing.

Mikey can still hear Casey's grunts of pain as the grip the monster had on his leg became tighter and tighter, to the point where the bone had almost snapped had it not been for his brother's coming in at the last second, causing the beast to flee into the sewers. A primal instinct, to go home, to live, to fight no matter what was in its way.

A hand pressing against his kneecap brought him back to reality as April gave him a worried look companied by a smile. And for the first time, Mikey didn't have the energy or heart to return it. His gaze fell to his hands, his hands that were once much larger and had done so much damage to so many people.

"I almost killed you guys." He breathed out, vision blurring, lower lip trembling, "I did kill Bishops men, I remember one man I grabbed with my hand and… crushed him," He felt bile raise in his throat, he pressed a hand towards him mouth, trying to keep the foul substance away, the last thing he needed to do was soil April's floor.

There was a brief moment of silence as he tried to get his breathing under control, trying to calm his churning stomach so the bile didn't raise any higher. April and Casey never said a word, they just sat by him, rubbing his shell, and placing a firm pressure on his kneecap. Finally, when his stomach stopped churning and he managed to swallow down the vomit, he whispered, "How am I supposed to live with that?"

"Mikey…" April murmured, holding his hand tightly, "That wasn't you—"

"Yes, it was. That thing was a part of me, it used my body to…" He choked on his own voice, as the bile came back and he lowered his head between his legs, "To kill those people, to almost kill both of you…"

"We don't blame ya, Mike." Casey patted his shell, soothingly.

April nodded in agreement, "We promise, we don't,"

But they're words did little to comfort the guilt consuming his heart, "Well you should." He looked at both of them with wide, pleading eyes, because he needed someone to blame him, he wanted someone to yell, scream at him, how horrible and terrifying he was, because that's how he felt, and he needed that confirmation. "I need someone to blame me, I need…" His breathing became irregular then, as his pulse quickened. April and Casey wrapped their arms around him, pulling him close. “I need help...”

And Mikey went limp against them, his fears, his guilt from almost killing his friends, bubbling up to the surface and spilled over, tears slipped down his cheeks as he clung to their arms, "I'm sorry." He sobbed out, "I'm so sorry,"

They sat there for a long time.

On his way back from April's, as Mikey walked along the tunnels of the sewers he knew so well, he made his way, not back home like he had told his friends, but towards his next destination. For April and Casey weren't the only ones who he planned on seeing in today. Crossing the cemented threshold, Mikey found himself standing in Leatherheads home. His hands twitched nervously as he walked around, taking a moment to admire what his friend had done with the place, because the last time he'd been here, it didn't look quite so updated.

"Michelangelo, what a pleasant surprise." Mikey turned towards the voice and found Leatherhead placing his lab coat on the coat rack that Donnie had given him when he first moved into this place. "How are you feeling—" Apparently, Mikey's face still looked as distraught from his conversation with Casey and April because Leatherhead paused, walked forward, knelt down to his level, and placed firm but gentle hands on Mikey's shoulders. "What's wrong, my friend?"

Mikey wiped at the dried tear tracks on his cheeks. "Nothing, I mean… Not nothing, I just—" Why did he already feel like he was breaking down? He hadn't even said what he actually wanted to say and he already felt like his heart was about to give out, Mikey let out a hollowed laugh, "I had this big speech about what I was gonna say to you. How sorry I am for making you go back to Bishop, the trauma you must have gone through, being back there, seeing all those tools he used to hurt you?" One would think that after he's cried himself silly at April's place he'd have no tears left to shed but Mikey was always an overachiever. While the tears weren't as thick as they had been before, that didn't stop them from being anymore charged with guilt, "But now I can't... I—" His hands shook as he wiped at his eyes, where fresh tears fell.

Leatherhead wasted no time in embracing him, just like the last time Mikey had found his way here, before everything happened, when he had run away from his family before when his anger grew violent and he hadn't been able to handle the emotional backlash from that.

And just like back then Mikey, sagged against Leatherhead, letting out a low noise deep in his chest, "I'm sorry."

Leatherhead gave him a gentle squeeze, "Michelangelo, if I am to blame anyone for the pain I feel or more importantly the pain you and your brothers feel, then I blame the man who created the outbreak in the first place."

Mikey let out another hollowed laugh, "Why is no one blaming me?"

He felt Leatherhead pat his back and let out low sigh. "Because it is not your fault, my friend. You've done nothing wrong."

Pressing his face against Leatherhead's shoulder, he couldn't help but disagree, his heart still felt like everything was his fault, the way he caused his family such pain, the way monster still clung desperately to the connection, to the strings that lingered there, not wanting to be left behind as a memory. "Leatherhead?" He asked softly, relaxing even further into his friend's embrace.

"Yes?"

Mikey hesitated for a moment or two, knowing this was a touchy subject for his scaly friends. "When— Does that feeling... Does the monster ever really go away?"

Leatherhead stiffened, before letting out a sigh, patting his shell. "I would very much like to tell you yes, my friend. But I know from experience that it... takes time. I cannot tell you that the monsters we gained from Bishop will ever truly go away, they will most likely linger there, deep inside us." The fear that Mikey felt before, only increased with Leatherhead's words, "But I can tell you that it will get better. With the friends and family we have at our side. I have no doubt that they will become bearable, that they will fade, with time."

"You really think so?"

Leatherhead seemed so confident but Mikey wasn't so convinced. He still felt such guilt over what happened, felt like such a screw up, that he caused his brothers such pain because he messed up. It may have been Bishop's fault in the beginning but Mikey didn't help by not focusing and watching his surroundings.

Leatherhead seemed to sense his tension, for he pulled back just enough to look at him, and he gave him a small smile. "With your brothers by your side, Michelangelo? I have no doubt you will be fine, given time."

Mikey throat suddenly to tight to speak, simply nodded.

He hoped so, he really really hoped so.

Having talked to April, Casey and Leatherhead certainly helped ease the tension he felt within his heart, knowing that they didn't blame him for what he did as a monster, knowing that they were with him, regardless of the fear he knows he instilled within them, especially with Casey and April. He knew he still wasn't okay, that he was far from okay, but talking about it aloud, about the pain he felt, no matter how hard to was, had helped some. And he was grateful for their comfort and kind words.

Well most of their words...

"Do you want us to talk to the guys, let them know how your feeling?"

"Might I suggest, if things get to overwhelming for you, that you discuss them with your brothers?"

He knew that his friends meant well, and Mikey knew deep down that they were probably right. Talking to his brother, his father would probably benefit him but it always was easier talking to friends then family. He just didn't want to worry them, they were already so fragile and valuable. They'd come so far in the time that Mikey has helped them heal.

Leo less paranoid, trusting Mikey more to do things on his own and only helping when absolutely necessary. Raph is retreating less inside his own head when his mental state gets too bad, actually steeling himself and attempting to talk about his pain. Donnie was spending less time in his lab and more out in the Lair, and more importantly spending more time with them, Leo and Raph practically tackling him in a hug when he first stepped out of his lab.

Talking with his brothers sounded good, in theory. Because in the back of his mind, Mikey knew that was the best option. But they've come so far, he didn't want to ruin all that progress by bumping his problems on them.

No

No, he could handle this.

Talking to his friends had helped, right? The nightmares should be better from now on from their comfort...

Right?

He wanted so badly to believe it, wished for it so much, prayed for it. Because his nightmares were emotionally and mentally draining him, he knew it was only a matter of time before they started to effect him physically too.

But like everything in his life, nothing was ever that simple.

For not three days after talking with his friends, did he have the worst nightmare yet.

He was in Area 52, the beast taking full control as his hands grabbed hold of Bishop's men, claws digging into flesh, puncturing deep holes in any place he could with his sharp teeth. Screams of the helpless men desperate to live, running away from him, ringed in his ears. And then the scene warped and then the men that were fighting him, that were screaming at him, to his horror changed to his brothers.

Splinter was on the ground, so very limp, and so very still, a deep gash a long his neck, Grey fur already clumping and matting together with the blood dripping down and leaking onto the ground.

Then there was a flash and suddenly a mirror appeared in front of him, showing him his reflection, showing him exactly what he looked like.

And he choked

There in his hanging above his head, he held Raph in hand and Leo in the other, shells cracked and broken. Eyes blank, lifeless, lifeless like they've been that way for years, and in his teeth—

He gagged

In his sharp teeth was Donnie in the exact same state as Leo and Raph were. Red dripped down his teeth, his arms and legs. Thick red liquid pooled around him. As the reality of what he'd done, sank in. He killed them, he killed his family—

His family

He screamed.

He felt himself collide with something hard. Mikey cried out, his mind in a frenzy as he jerked and thrashed around violently, heart pounding in his ears, Mikey realized that he had fallen out of bed and the force of the impact had awoken him.

Gasping for air, body trembling in fear. Mind still in a tizzy, heart still pounding in his ears Mikey stood up, filled with this overwhelming decision to just go. He just needed to go, to leave, needed to do something to get this weight off his plastron.

Running out of his room, he was met face to face with his brothers who were running at break neck speed towards him, worry plastered all over their faces. The moment he saw them, he froze. And in a flash they were replaced with the ones from his dream, all bloody and lifeless. He gagged and made to stumble back into his room, because seeing them was the last thing he needed right now... he managed to take one single step, had it not been for Donnie firmly grabbing his wrist.

"Mikey, what happened!?"

Mikey looked down and saw that his wrists had blood pooling down his arms, and dripping down his neck.

He watched Donnie move his hand up and a searing pain jolted along his neck. He winced, making a move to pull away from Don. But his brother had a firm grip on him, refusing to let go. He opened his mouth to say he was fine, but closed it just as quickly. Because he knew there was no point, he knew how bad this looked.

He wasn't okay and now his brothers knew that too.

Mikey shrank into himself, feeling small and disgusting and ashamed of himself. Ashamed that he hadn't been able to handle this on his own, ashamed that he had to involve his brother into this, now they were going to were more then ever about him. Tears of inner hate formed in his eyes, and he remained silent as Donnie gently lead him to his lab and patched him up while Leo and Raph waited outside.

Not once did he look up at Don, he kept his eyes either glued to the wall past his brother's head or closed, anything was better then having to look into those chocolate brown eyes filled with such genuine concern and guilt. His own guilt consumed him, his brother was already coming down from blaming himself for what happened, had been convinced not to leave, this was only going to make Don take ten steps back and he hated it, hated himself for making Donnie worry.

Then Don informed him a low but gentle tone, that he was going to put his things away. Mikey almost on autopilot nodded and began walking outside, the need to run away fading and now he was just tired, exhausted, just wanting everything to stop.

He didn't even care that he wasn't hiding the fact that he wasn't fine,

Leo and Raph met him get the door, walking by either side of him, following him as he made his way over to the couch and sat on the ground, there he pulled his legs up close to his face, curled his arms around his arms and hide his face. It felt like he was inside his little dark bubble of shame, guilt and exhaustion for years, until he felt a gentle hand fall on the top of his head, out of the corner of his eyes, he saw a movement of blue and realized Leo was kneeling beside him. Leo stroked his head, moving down the nap of his neck and rubbed his shell.

A shadow casted over his right side and a glint of a sai, as Raph stood next to him while another hand pressed against his shoulder.

“Mikey? Can you do me a favor and think of five things you can see?”

Five things he could see?

Oh

Mikey knew what this was, this was a tactic Leo used to use to calm Donnie down when they were kids. Gently, Mikey nodded and he lifted his head above his needs just enough to see and looked around.

The TV

Raph’s sai

Leo’s bandanna

The bandages along his arms

The pizza box he never threw away

After a minute, Leo spoke again, “Good, and four things you can hear?”

Hear?

Mikey closed his eyes and listened, really listened to the things surrounding him. 

His breathing

Leo’s breathing

The water dripping from the  ceiling.

Static on the TV

Leo continued to rub small circles along his shell, “Three things you can smell?”

The sewage water that permeated the bricks along the walls

His deodorant— or almost lack there of

The shampoo Raph always uses

Leo stroked his head encouragingly, “Great, that’s amazing. And two things you can feel?”

The rough skin against his knees

Raph’s hand against his shoulder

Leo let out a low hum, tone soft and comforting, “Last thing, okay? One thing you can taste. We all know how much you love that.” 

Mikey didn’t need to think about that one.

Leftover ramen he cooked for dinner instead of pizza.

Even without looking at his brother, Mikey could tell Leo was giving him a soft smile. “You are safe, in the lair with us. It’s okay, everything is okay.”

But he wasn’t, that was the problem. 

Knowing that he didn't deserve their comfort, but was receiving it anyway because they loved him was only making his heart hurt worse. They were amazing, the best big brothers any turtle could ask for, but they deserved so much better then him.

Mikey then felt two hands land on his knees and he didn't even need to guess to know that it was Donnie. There was no one else in his life that had those gentle but steady of hands other then Donatello. Mikey sat perfectly still as one of Don's hands moved and maneuvered through his arms that were locked around his legs and cupped his chin, bring it up off his knees and looking directly into those brown eyes. He felt Leo and Raph scoot closer to Don so that they were all kneeling in front of him now.

"Mikey?" Don asked softly, reaching out and holding Mikey's wrist, the one that Don just got done bandaging. He inspected it rubbing a thumb a crossed it, and Mikey watched him thoughtfully. He looked at where the bandages began at his wrist and where they stopped at his forearm, "Did... Did you hurt yourself on purpose?" Donnie swallowed and closed his eyes like it was the last thing he ever wanted to say, while Leo and Raph winced in unison.

Mikey thought for a moment, he'd been asleep when that happened. He remembered clawing at the beast who killed his brothers, he meant to claw the monster, not himself.

He shook his head, shivering.

"Nightmare?"

He stiffened, and they must have sensed it or seen it visibly because they moved that much closer, and Mikey suddenly felt trapped like an animal but safe protected all at the same time.

And as he stared up at those three pairs of eyes, eyes that were filled with such concern for him. He could no longer handle the guilt he felt, the pain he felt. He couldn't keep it in anymore, he couldn't handle the weight of everything on his shoulders. He just wanted everything to just stop.

Tears blurred his vision and he opened his mouth to try and speak, to explain himself but the only sound that came out was a weak sob. "I'm... I'm sorry..." He shivered again, the guilt dragging him down into a dark abyss. "I tried so hard to be better, tried so hard to fix it all on my own, so I wouldn't worry you guys after all you guys have gone through. But I'm not okay, I'm not and I'm sorry that I'm not..." He felt like the worst scum of the earth, felt like such a burden on his family, his brothers. He bowed his head in shame, "I'm sorry I'm such a burden, a screw up, a monster— I can feel it in me as we speak and it terrifies me... I'm just— so sorry I'm not better."

Then to his surprise, it was Raph who made the first move, Mikey involuntarily winced, subconsciously expecting a slap on the back of the head. He felt Raph grasped the nap of his neck, shaking him slightly to get his attention. "Now, ya listen to me, lil' brother. Ya aren't a screw up or a monster. Right, that's what ya told me before. If anything, yer the best of us."

Leo nodded, scooting as equally close to Mikey's side and pressed his forehead against Mikey's cheek, rubbing his shell once more. "Raph's right, Mikey. I told you, remember? You could never be a burden, you mean so much to us."

Mikey shook his head, leaning against Leo's always supporting nature, despite himself, "I don't deserve it." He knows that saying it, even if he did believe it, would do no good. His brothers wouldn't allow him to think such a way, but he says it anyway. "I don't deserve you guys."

He felt a hand cup his cheek, and Don's eyes were filled with love and acceptance. "Mikey, deserve is an irrelevant word, because whether you think you do or not, we're not going anywhere." Donnie's gave him a small smile, one filled with kindness as it always was. "We'll always be here, no matter what."

Mikey unwrapped his arms from around his legs and just sat there, staring at the hands that could have caused so much destruction, "After everything I've done. I coulda killed Casey and April. I did kill those guys that worked for Bishop." Tears cascaded down his cheeks as he looked up at brothers desperately. "I almost killed you guys!"

Mikey barely had time to process what happened next as six pairs of arms wrapped around him tightly, drawing him into a warm, loving embrace. His eyes widened at the contact and his heart ached. "I know you guys need me to be okay. I know I have to be okay, because I make you guys laugh... but I can't. I'm not okay."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Mikey." Leo murmured into his shoulder. "You are allowed to not be okay. Just like I was when had to be sent to the Ancient One."

"Or when I went to that future that Drako sent us to." Donnie added, and Mikey could feel his third brother give out a small shiver at the mention of it.

Mikey felt Raph tighten an arm around his shell, pulling him that much closer into his brothers embrace. "Or me when I almost hit ya with that lead pipe."

"You've gone through something really traumatic, you don't have to pretend to be fine. You don't have to hide how your feeling— how awful you feel about yourself, for our sakes just because you don't want to burden us." Leo stated truthfully as all three of them pulled back and Mikey was able to see, clear as day that the matching tear tracks on their faces. "But please, otouto."

Raph squeezed his shoulder, comfortingly. "Ya've helped us out these last few weeks, comfortin' us and being there for us in yer own amazin' Mikey way.."

Donnie grasped his left arm, running his thumb along the bandages, "This time, let us be there for you."

Mikey looked at his brothers, his gaze shifting towards each of their faces. Then a flash of memory happened and they were once again replaced with their dead selves for a split second. Fresh tears swelled in his eyes and a choke noise escaped, "I killed you guys. In my nightmare, I—" He gagged, breathing hard, breath hitching deep within his throat. "How am I suppose to live with this?" He gestured towards himself accusingly like he was some disgusting object. "How can I be okay, when all I want to do is fall apart?"

"Then do it, Mikey." Leo said, eyes gentle, holding his hand. "Fall apart, let it out. And we'll be right here to hold you together."

Finally, after weeks of keeping it all inside.

Michelangelo shattered.

He fell against his brothers and weeper, clinging to them like his life depended on it because in truth they were now the ones keeping him from falling. He let out these gut wrenched sobs as he babbled our apologies, how sorry he was, how he should have been better, better like the rest of them.

But his babbling were merely met with soothing touches and words. "It's okay, it's going to be okay." and "We love you, we love you so much." His brothers held him tightly, held each other tightly as they too, broke from the trauma they all shared caused by Bishop's Outbreak. Eventually, the sobbing turned to silent tears and eventually those to, dried out. But still none of them pulled away, they remained glued to one another, not saying a single word. Until the silence was finally broken by Donnie.

"Turtle pile?"

Raph scoffed, "What are we, five?"

Leo patted Raph's shell, smiling, "Your never too old for a turtle pile, Raph." Mikey watched his brothers stand up and Mikey involuntarily shook with fear. His brothers must have seen this, because Leo merely stroked his head. "I'll get the pillows and blankets."

"I'll set up the starry lights." Don stated, giving his hand a squeeze.

"And I'll chill here with knucklehead here." Raph informed them as he sat down right next to Mikey and wrapped a protective arm around him, pulling him close.

Ten minutes later, they had successfully built themselves a fort equipped with a disco starry sky, bouncing off the aqua blue ceiling that Donnie made out of an old bed sheet.

Laying on the ground, Mikey was sandwiched between Leo and Donnie horizontally, while Raph laid on his stomach, just above them, vertically stretched out as he oftener does. The way they looked, in the position they were in, they all look like one giant letter T, it was kinda funny if Mikey was being honest.

And then they just talked, they talked about how they were feeling, talked about their guilts and shames. And that may have caused some more tears to be shed, specifically from Donnie and Mikey himself, while Leo and Raph comforted them like the big brothers they were.

Then as Mikey's eye lids began to droop, as a yawn escaped his lips. He reached over and grasped Leo's hands while the other intertwined with Donnie's, "Leo?" He asked, as his baby blue eyes meeting his brothers much darker ones.

Leo looked at him, and not two seconds later, did he nod. "Okay."

And he started to sing.

Oniwa ni iko

Nanika ga matteru

Sakasama ni natte, zutto matteru

"Heh." Raph said, chuckling adjusting himself in a more comfortable position. "Haven't heard that in a while."

Donnie hummed in agreement, closing his eyes, "It's always good to hear. Nostalgic, you know?"

It took a bit of coaxing from Raph, but pretty soon, they all were quietly whispering the song.

Soredemo zutto, sonomama de iru

Sonomama dakedo, kawatteyuku

Mainichi kanarazu, honno wazuka zutsu

"Raph" Leo complained teasingly, as their brother purposefully sang the next verse wrong, "You know those aren't the words."

Raph shrugged his shoulders, "Hey, I'm adlibbing, sue me."

Mikey giggled and snuggled up to his brothers, and as their hands all intertwined with one another's, as they fell asleep, one by one, Mikey, for the first time in weeks smiled genuinely, heart still aching, but better, better then it has been in a long time.

Leatherhead was right, with his brothers by his side. With them supporting and being there for one another. Given time, as much as they all needed to heal.

He'll be just fine.