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Eddie Kaspbrak would probably have to admit that he was slightly obsessed with Richie Tozier. The first few weeks they were together were the worst, though. His every thought, every free moment was dedicated to him. He was so very taken it was on the verge of problematic.
No, it was problematic. He couldn’t concentrate in class because either Richie was right there beside him, arms brushing “accidentally” every few minutes, or Richie was not next to him but he knew would be waiting for him right outside the classroom door once the bell rang.
Mercifully, it seemed that Richie was just as obsessed with him. Coming to meet him at his locker every morning at school, calling him almost everyday after school to talk even for just seconds before heading to work, stopping in at the Corner Street Drug where Eddie worked just to be near Eddie even though it had been explicitly decided between them that no one could know they were together. No one but the other Losers, of course, because there would be absolutely no point in trying to hide their new relationship status from them. Derry wasn’t the place for a boy to be in a relationship with another boy, it just wasn’t.
But that was okay as well, considering they made up for it almost every second they had away from prying eyes.
They were on Eddie’s bed, doing homework with Eddie’s god awful stereo system cracking lightly in the background. Richie was supposedly doing some assigned reading but was laying on his back with his legs sprawled over Eddie’s, having set his book down on his chest twenty minutes prior, eyes closed. Eddie absentmindedly traced the curve of Richie’s knee with nonsensical patterns as he hummed, staring at the advanced geometry textbook beside him. They had their final tests before winter break the following day and Eddie was determined to maintain his 4.0 GPA even if it killed him.
Eddie was sure that Richie had drifted off when the Trashmouth sat up suddenly, throwing the book — The Scarlet Letter— across the room to land lightly on the rug. Good thing too, considering his mother would probably have a stroke if she found her Eddie Bear snuggled up with A Boy... the boy being Richie Tozier would add insult to injury, he was sure.
“Eds, you’re going to wipe yourself out if you keep cramming before the test,” Richie complained, “Besides, it’s fucking boring just listening to you mumbling about the SIN and COS of what the fuck ever for hours.”
Eddie turned his head shortly to glare at his boyfriend, the breath momentarily catching in his throat to find Richie so very close. When would he ever get used to that?
Still, he managed to keep his expression unamused as he raised his eyebrows, “Don’t fucking call me that and what exactly do you suggest we do instead, asshole?”
A smirk curled across Richie’s lips and made Eddie instantly forget all about his exam tomorrow. The tall boy leaned forward till the curls of his black hair tickled Eddie’s forehead and spoke in a teasing, enticing tone, soft and intriguing, “I can think of a couple things...”
And then his lips captured Eddie’s and any remaining fragments of logical thought flew from Eddie’s mind as his hands moved of their own accord, dropping his pencil and grasping Richie’s face, pulling him closer. It wasn’t enough to be close, Eddie mourned, he ached for something more, something beyond close.
Richie grinned against his lips, opening his mouth and brushing his teeth over Eddie’s top lip, tracing the bottom one with his tongue. A moan sounded from the back of Eddie’s throat as he opened his mouth, meeting Richie’s tongue with his own as he moved his hands back to tangle in his boyfriend’s hair. He felt short on oxygen but couldn’t find it anywhere within himself to give a shit.
How had he allowed himself to miss out on this for so long? He’d gone years, years, silently pining and longing and the whole time he could have been doing this!
Richie gently began easing Eddie back onto the bed, moving on top of him as he went. A thrill of excitement trailed up Eddie’s spine as Richie’s fingertips found a strip of skin were his shirt had ridden up.
He gasped into Richie’s mouth as the other boy slipped his hand under his shirt just to run his fingertips over the side of his rib cage. Richie took to opportunity to dip his head into the crook of Eddie’s neck touching his lips against the hollow there, leaving Eddie instantly breathless as he whispered, “Shit!”
Richie chuckled, a sound he felt in his chest as much as he heard in his ear, and mumbled, “So, you like that, huh, Eds?”
Any other time, Eddie would have snapped at him for the nickname but the boy couldn’t even seem to form coherent sentences at the moment and so didn’t even try. As he planted more kisses against the sensitive skin, Eddie made some foreign sound that seemed a mix of a groan and a growl and without thinking, gave his boyfriend’s hair a small tug. Richie sucked in his breath and took a break from Eddie to bit his own lip, “Jesus fuck, Eddie!”
A thrill of electricity coursed through Eddie’s veins, hearing the arousal in Richie’s voice, making it go gravelly and sexy in a way that Eddie had never previously thought possible. He pulled at his boyfriend’s hair again, bring the boy’s lips back to his to capture the responsive moan. Their tongues fought for a moment before Eddie released his hands from Richie’s hair, moving down to his chest to push him back.
Richie looked down at him momentarily confused before Eddie whined out, “Shirt!”
Together they managed to unzip Richie’s old, ratty sweatshirt and toss it to the floor to be shortly followed by the Led Zeppelin shirt he’d had on beneath. Richie reached down, slipping his hands under Eddie’s sweater and slowly pushing the fabric up as Eddie arched his back, allowing the shirt to be pulled off.
Eddie instantly pulled Richie back down into another searing kiss and somewhere in the back of his brain a pesky little voice reminded him, quite unnecessarily, that they’d never done this before.
Well, he’d never done this before. Richie had done more than this with multiple people. Richie was experienced, at least experienced than Eddie. And with that thought, all Eddie could think about was that they were edging farther and farther out of his comfort zone…
It’s fine, Eddie. You’re having fun. It feels good, doesn’t it? So just lay back and relax…
Like Holly Mason did?
The thought came to Eddie’s mind against his will and he tried to force it out again by running his hands down Richie’s back, finding the trail of his spine and lightly following up and down. But it remained and seemed to bubble up inside and grow louder and louder.
What about Holly Mason?
She’s done this with Richie. She’s done more than this with Richie. You remember how Richie told you all about his first time with his first girlfriend, Hot Tamale Holly... Remember, Eddie, that’s what he called her? Remember how they only dated for two weeks and had already fucked by the end of the first? Remember Eddie? Remember?
Eddie screwed his eyes shut and without thinking, without wanting to, turned his head away from Richie, who took this as an invitation to continue kissing along Eddie’s jawline and back to the hollow of his neck.
Why are you ruining this for yourself? Just stop thinking about Holly Mason, it was two fucking years ago! And so was Becca Clarke after her.
But Sandy Montgomery wasn’t two years ago. She was just last year... just five months, if you do the math, Eddie. Remember Sandy, Eddie?
Of fucking course he remembered Sandy Montgomery.
She’d actually been around for awhile. Holly and Richie had only last two weeks, Becca and Richie a month but Sandy... Sandy’d been around for months, seven of them to be exact. They’d broken up when Sandy left for college, being two years older than them.
Eddie had hated her even more than Holly or Becca because Holly and Becca weren’t even likable but Sandy... Sandy had been. She’d been funny and witty and seemingly the perfect match for Richie. She’d definitely been the only girl that Richie had dated to make friends with the Losers. And Eddie couldn’t help but remember in that moment how Richie had looked at Sandy when she giggled and buried her face in his chest, when he’d drawn her in to kiss her forehead, when she’d run her fingers through his hair as she walked by.
Seven months.
He and Richie had only been together two.
You know he screwed her too, don’t you? Of course you do because he used to tell you about it, remember? He called her Sexy Sandy. Oh Richie and his nicknames, right, Eddie Spaghetti? Not quiet as sexy as Hot Tamale Holly or Becca the Babe or Sexy Sandy, is it, Eddie Spaghetti?
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Eddie growled, this time there was no mistaking the sound for something else, and wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist, jerking to the side and rolling them over so he was on top now. Richie grinned up at him and for a second all those pesky, awful thoughts went away and Eddie was back in the moment. For a second it was just him and Richie and the voices in his head were shut up and he wasn’t scared or nervous because there was no one he trusted more in the world than Richie.
What are you gonna do, Eddie? Making out shirtless can’t have any real zeal once you’ve lost your V card and Richie lost that a long time ago. You’re the only virgin in the room right now, honey, and you don’t even know how to make this interesting for him, admit it.
Eddie’s vision blurred but he could still make out the smile slipping off Richie’s face. His boyfriend sat up, taking his face in his hands, “Hey, hey, Eddie Spaghetti, are you o—“
“Don’t fucking call me that!” Eddie half yelled before remembering his mother sleeping down the hall. He looked toward the door, eyes wide and quickly climbed off of Richie to go and listen for any noise on the other side. He closed his eyes as he put his ear to the wood paneling and felt humiliated as a cool tear ran down his burning cheeks. He quickly wiped it away and, hearing nothing, turned to lean his back against the door as he avoided Richie’s eyes.
“Okay... what the fuck just happened?” Richie asked lowly, as aware as Eddie that they had to keep their volume to a minimum.
Eddie shook his head, “Nothing.” He pushed off the door and plucked his sweater off the floor. Pulling it on over his head, he held out a hand toward his boyfriend, “Hand me my textbook, Trashmouth.”
Richie stared at him, still shirtless and still in Eddie’s bed, his hair still messy from Eddie’s frantic fingers, “What’s wrong with you, Eds?”
“Nothing! Just give me the fucking textbook and put your goddamn clothes on! I just want to go to bed, okay? I’m just tired and we have exams tomorrow so fucking leave me alone!” Eddie snapped jabbing his hand out toward Richie again.
His boyfriend narrowed his eyes on him before reaching beside him and picking up the textbook. He held it out but didn’t let it go once Eddie gripped it, instead looking right at him and saying, “I’m not going to let it go, you know that, so you might as well just tell me now.”
Eddie jerked the textbook away, going over to put it on his desk, before turning back around, “I just want to go to sleep, Richie. I’m fucking exhausted, can we just go to sleep?”
Richie ducked down to pick up his t-shirt slipping it on and laying back down, gesturing silently for Eddie to come join him. Relieved, Eddie did, crawling under the covers and immediately turning his back to Richie. There was a pause before arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him back against his boyfriend’s chest.
It took a second but Eddie made himself relax as he reached up to turn off the lamp on his bedside table.
Eddie couldn’t find Richie anywhere. He’s just gotten out of class and his boyfriend was nowhere in sight, basically unheard of since they’d begun dating. With a sigh, he started toward his locker and spotted Mike putting away his things for the day. Eddie grinned and walked to his friend, “Hey Mike!”
“Oh,” Mike glanced at Eddie before his gazed darted away, “Hi Eddie.”
Raising an eyebrow, Eddie cocked his head to the side, “What? You seem weird?”
“I’m weird?” Mike asked, a sarcastic laugh escaping from his mouth and he turned to smirk at Eddie, “At least I’m not a Junior in high school and still a virgin.”
Eddie mouth fell open and he felt like suddenly everyone in the hall had stopped to stare at him. He looked around to find that they actually had, whispering to each other and giggling as they watched him sputter. Whirling back around to Mike, Eddie shook his head, “That’s personal, shithead! It’s between me and—“
“If you were going to say Richie, you should know he’s who told me,” Mike laughed, gesturing to the surrounding crowd, “Told all of us, actually. He called you a tease, said you just mess around but never actually put out. You realize you’re the only Loser who’s still a virgin, right? Do you know how pathetic that is?”
Eddie swallowed as some of the people around them began to laugh. Horrorstruck, he backed away from Mike and turned to shove his way through the crowd as the laughter grew louder and louder.
He pushed the closest bathroom door open and rushed inside, slamming the door shut.
“Hey, tease! This room is occupied!” A familiar voice snapped.
Eddie spun on his heels and dropped the textbooks he’d been carrying at the sight of Sandy Montgomery sitting on the edge of the bathroom sink with her skirt hiked up, her legs wrapped around his boyfriend.
Eddie stared in horror for a moment before anger boiled in his chest, “Wh—What are you doing, Richie?!? You realize that we’re the ones dating right now, right, assface?”
Richie took his lips away from Sandy’s neck, the same corner where he’d kissed Eddie’s before, and shook his head, “Yeah, Spaghetti Man? Well, boyfriends are supposed to put out so I guess we’re both a little disappointed, huh? At least Sandy’s a team player.”
Eddie couldn’t believe his eyes as Richie, his Richie, the Richie he’d been tripping over since he was basically a kid, took Sandy’s face into his hands and kissed her like he was suppose to kiss Eddie. He thought he might be sick as he felt a burning in his throat and squeezed his eye shut tight only to find the image of his boyfriend’s betrayal carved there as well—
Eddie wasn’t fully aware of throwing Richie’s arms off him or of frantically clawing his way off of his bed or of crawling across the floor as he sobbed. He did it all in that sickly in between state where he wasn’t fully awake yet but also wasn’t sleeping anymore. Moving to the wall opposite his bed, Eddie gripped his knees and curled up to himself.
“Eddie?! Eds! Jesus, what’s going on?” Richie whisper-yelled in the dark of the room and Eddie sobbed louder. He couldn’t see, couldn’t see, couldn’t—
The lamp beside his bed came on and Richie rushed over to him on the floor, sweeping his hair, soaked through with cold sweat back from his forehead. “Shh, it’s okay! I’m right here—“
Eddie slapped his hand away hard with a crack, choking out, “Get off of me!”
Richie threw his hands up as if in surrender, “Okay, okay, calm down, damm! I’m not touching you!”
Eddie dropped his head into his hands, tears chilling his red cheeks. He sat in silence for a long time, collecting himself and trying fruitlessly to stop his crying.
Now Richie’ll think you’re a tease and a crybaby. Great job, Eddie Spaghetti!
Groaning, Eddie shoved his palms hard into his temples, praying he could just find some off switch for his brain. Some button to just power the damn thing down.
Finally, he dropped his hands and slowly peeked up to find Richie sitting cross legged right in front of him, as close as possible without any part of them so much as brushing against each other. Richie was picking at a hole in the knee of his sweatpants and glanced up for a second before returning to it, “Are you going to talk to me about it?”
Eddie rolled his eyes and said nothing, looking back at his hands. His hands that had been tangled in Richie’s hair just hours ago and yet, it seemed, were incapable of anything more than that. No wonder Richie thought he was a tease... maybe he was.
“Look, if it’s me that’s your problem, then I can go. Exams are tomorrow, I know how important that is to you. If you’re pissed at me over something than I’ll fuck off so you can get some sleep.” Richie shrugged, continuing to pick at his sweatpants. “Whatever it is that you’re pissed about, I guess I’m sorry.”
“You—“ Eddie cut himself short before swallowing hard and starting again, “You didn’t do anything... it’s me.”
“What about you?” Richie asked, pausing in his fiddling to look right at Eddie. Eddie liked Richie so much in moments like these. Quiet moments, private moments, where it was just them and Richie managed to actually be… genuine. Real. No joking, no sarcasm… Just Richie.
“I just,” Eddie thought about telling Richie the truth right then but before he could his brain flooded with images, ideas of how Richie might look at him if he knew what Eddie was thinking, fearing… And what if he thought it was funny? Because it fucking wasn’t. “I just think I want to be alone.”
No you don’t! Why the fuck would you say that?
Richie sat there for a moment, looking at him as if he hadn’t fully understood the request yet. Then he rocked back, nodding as he stood up, “Right, yeah, okay.”
Eddie watched as his boyfriend quickly located his shabby hoodie on the floor and his backpack under the windowsill. Richie was pushing the bedroom window open when Eddie found the strength to clamber to his feet.
Stepping forward, Eddie bit his lip before saying, “Rich, wait...”
Richie paused and the cold December air from the outside filled the bedroom, making Eddie shiver. He waited for his boyfriend to turn around but when he didn’t, Eddie cleared his throat and continued. “It’s like 10 degrees outside. You can’t go out there.”
Richie sighed and finally turned to face Eddie, throwing his hands up, “Okay, what the fuck to you want from me, Eds? Because earlier tonight you were definitely hot with the making out and the undressing and then you were just ice cold out of nowhere and totally blew me off. Now, you say you want to be alone, then you say I can’t leave— What the fuck? I gonna whiplash if you don’t make up your damn mind soon.”
Eddie looked away, “I just don’t want to put you out to freeze to death, dickwad, but if you’re going to be an assho—“
“I’m the asshole?” Richie remarked, annoyed, “I’m the one trying to actually figure out what the hell is wrong with you and I’m the asshole? Fuck that.”
Eddie knew Richie was right. He was the one being stupid. He was the one who was a scared, pathetic, virgin loser.
Find his voice once more as Richie started to sling his backpack over one shoulder, Eddie spoke up in a high pitched, embarrassed voice, “I— I’m a virgin.”
Richie stopped, looking over his shoulder with a confused and bewildered expression, “Okay?”
Eddie shook his head with a long, annoyed sigh, “No! Look, I’m a virgin,” He gestured to Richie, faltering, “And you’re— you’re not...”
Sliding the backpack from his shoulder, Richie shrugged, still bewildered, “So?”
Eddie’s mouth fell open, “So? So, I’ve never done—“ He fell silent, his face on fire with shame.
“Yeah,” Richie nodded, “That’s kind of what being a virgin means.”
“Shut up!” Eddie felt his eyes prickle and quickly turned away, his entire being burning with humiliation, “For once just shut up, Trashmouth! You don’t get it! Just—“ He swallowed, “Just leave me the fuck alone!”
He heard a long sigh and then silence until, “Explain it to me.”
Eddie pressed his palms into his eyes, willing back his tears, “Just fucking go.”
“No!” Richie snapped, “You said I don’t get it so fucking explain it, dumbass! Because you’re right, I don’t understand how you being a virgin and me not being one is a fucking problem.”
“It just is!” Eddie half yelled, whirling around, before lowering his voice and glancing toward the door. “Seriously, Richie, leave me alone.”
Richie stared at him long and hard before sighing and shrugging, “Well, I’m not leaving till you talk to me, so looks like you’re shit out of luck.”
Staring up at the ceiling, Eddie shook his head, “You slept with Holly Mason a week after you started dating her. You didn’t even wait that long with Becca Clarke.”
“Eddie—“ Richie started to object only for Eddie to continue on, cutting him off.
“Beep beep, my turn!” Eddie snapped, “And Sandy! Sexy Sandy! She must of been special because you two waited a whole two weeks, right? And then there is the multiple hookups with strangers you told me about in great detail, thank you so fucking much for that!”
Richie scoffed and looked away, biting his lip.
“We’ve been together two months, Richie. And tonight was the furtherest we’ve ever gone. And I know it’s my fault, okay? I know I’m the tease, I’m the problem—“
“Eds, come on—“
“I just, I want to and we start to and it’s great and then I just hit this wall and I can’t do more than that. I can’t do it.” Eddie deflated, looking at his feet as he quietly finished, “I can’t do it and I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Richie echoed, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Eds, except maybe acting like a psycho earlier...” Eddie looked up to glare at him and he winced, “What I mean is that it doesn’t bother me, you know? That we haven’t... it’s not about that with us. So, when you hit the wall, I don’t care if we have to stop because, you know, I can wait. I’m not that sex obsessed. Besides… I can always take care of myself later.”
Eddie glared at his boyfriend again, who only smirked in response.
Apprehensively, he spoke up again, “But what about the others? How am I suppose to compete with them? With Hot Tamale Holly? And Becca the Babe? Chrissy from last years homecoming after party? And Hannah from the AV club? Sandy?” Eddie felt tears well in his eyes again and cursed himself, looking at the ceiling again.
“Compete?” Richie half laughed, “Eddie, there isn’t even a competition! Sandy, Holly, Becca, being with them, any of them, didn’t matter. It was just sex! It’s not gonna be that way with us. When it happens, it’s gonna be something completely different... you gotta know that.”
Eddie nibbled in his lip, “I don’t know when that is. I can’t give you a time and a place, I don’t know when I’ll be able to…”
Richie shrugged, stepping closer a little timidly, “I don’t need you to. When you’re ready, I promise you say the word and I’ll come fucking running. And you can bet your ass it’ll be the best sex, like, ever.”
Eddie turned scarlet, choking out, “What? How could you—?”
“Because it’ll be you and me. Nothing is gonna compare to that. Not Sexy Sandy, or Hot Tamale Holly or any of the others. I know that.” Richie smirked, looking Eddie hard in the eyes.
Eddie felt a shiver go up his spine that had nothing to do with the still open window behind Richie. He stepped forward until their chests nearly brushed, “You know, sometimes I don’t get it. You wanting to be with me. But... I’m glad you do.”
Richie grinned, falling into a terrible southern accent as he said, “Aww, Eddie Spaghetti, you sure do sound sweet on me!”
Eddie’s smile dropped, “Forget it. I actually meant I don’t get why I’m with a fucking idiot like you, so just forget what you think you heard me sa—“
He was cut off by Richie grabbing his face and kissing him, hard on the mouth. He instantly responded, kissing back in an almost feverish manner, standing on tip toe to wrap his arms around Richie’s neck as if trying to keep him just this close for the rest of time.
Eventually, they parted, both breathless.
“Wh—What was I saying?” Eddie asked, still a tad dazed.
“Oh, you know, the usual. How much you like me and how amazing I am, yada yada.” Richie chuckled, grinning at his boyfriend.
Eddie rolled his eyes, lightly smacking Richie’s cheek as he said, “I think that’s just what you hear anytime someone near you opens their mouth, Rich.” He smirked and nodded toward the bed, “Let’s get some sleep, okay?”
Richie nodded, laughing a bit, “Yeah, you have an exam in,” He glanced a lot the alarm clock over Eddie’s shoulder, “Two hours, shit! That sucks!”
“Oh my god, beep beep!”