Chapter Text
1. You made me understand
Perhaps due to the rare occasions that happened, Tony Stark really hated when other people were right, and he wasn’t. It was almost like a physical pain, an itch that didn’t go away and kept him restless and moody. Furthermore, if said people was right about him not being able to do something. It becomes a very special challenge to prove them that he could do anything; he was a genius after all. In less than a week, he alone could build a ship to take him to the moon, but he was unable to contain his own impulses. He couldn’t do what was better for him instead of what it gave him some instant pleasure. He always had what he had desired because he was the only person that will suffer the consequences, and that was a risk easy to take. At least it had been that way until now.
Now, drinking a fourth martini, or start flirting with the blond on the other side of the counter and taking her to the bed it would mean that he really couldn’t take care of himself and therefore of nobody else. It meant that he wasn’t mature enough to have a family and that maybe he will never be.
Pepper’s words continue to repeat inside his head once and again, almost as consistent as his heartbeat and each time his bitterness grew.
“I know you must hate me for telling you this; I know I’m hurting you, but someone has to do it.”
Yes, her words had hurt him, but not as much as the pity look on her eyes or the fact that, if possible, each time she had the courage to tell him what nobody else would tell him, he loved her more. He saw himself on her eyes and sadly, what he looked on them was someone that always had been far below everybody he had loved expectations, a disappointment.
He asked for another drink —the fourth—, and when it was delivered to him, he left the glass untouched but beheld it as if were a particularly wicked foe. Tony caressed the glass with only his right index finger.
“It’s a pretty lousy party, don’t you think?” Said the blond woman, moving closer to him, a killing smile on his red lips.
“Yeap. It doesn’t deserve me.” Stark said without looking at her; however, the woman didn’t give up so easily.
“We can make our own private party,” she whispered in his ear.
“You are a mess. You are an alcoholic, a functional one, but an alcoholic, nonetheless. You are an emotional crippled because you can even openly tell someone ‘I love you’.”
Functional alcoholic and emotional crippled. He wondered if that should be before or after of billionaire, genius and playboy. He took the glass and enjoyed the smell, because he was an alcoholic and smiled at the woman at his side because he was an emotional cripple. And yes, other than his mother he couldn’t recall himself telling someone ‘I love you’, and maybe that was why he chose to sleep each night with a different woman, they wouldn’t expect words of love after just a couple of hours, and neither would he. Nobody had the chance to letdown to nobody.
Pepper was a smart woman who knew better than take her chances with him. Rhodey was used to his nonsense and didn’t expect any good coming of him. His parents had each other, even when he knew his mother loved him, she looked for his father to find comfort. He had needed his parents; he needed Pepper and Rhodes, but they would be fine without him, indeed, they would be much better if he wasn’t a constant presence in their life, because he was someone that they felt obligated to love, they love him as a chore.
It hit him then, that nobody needed him, so it was easy to be reckless and selfish. Tony Stark’s absence in this world would mean more a lot of bureaucratic and legal processes than a real grieve. He wasn’t a core part on no one’s life. Nobody has needed him —until then. He remembered the couple of innocent brown eyes that looked at him as if he was actually worthy and able to order the sun to not move. It was a huge responsibility on his shoulders, but somehow, it felt good, it gave something to really live for, a true purpose, someone whom he can’t let down… and cursed he’d be if he did it.
“Just you and me, what do you say?” The woman insisted, bringing him back to reality. God, she really smelled good!
Tony smiled, still holding with a shaking hand the glass; then he really looked at the woman. Different foe, the same challenge. She was a whole prize, beautiful eyes, golden and silky hair, and a waist that he could entirely hold with his hands… He sighed.
“Good intentions are not enough. You can’t take care of anyone; you can’t really love anyone as long as you are unable to take care and love yourself.”
Any women and alcohol suddenly weren’t enough. Now he was looking for a different prize for himself, one more sincere and permanent.
“You came a few minutes late, sweetheart.” Tony chuckled, putting the martini on her hand and left her alone. Two battles won in a row.
He barely was reaching the stairs when Rhodey held him by the shoulder and interrogated him.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Alone?”
“Do you really think you are a good role model? Would you be able to sleep at night knowing that someone is following your example?”
“Do you see anyone with me? I think I’m going to sleep early.”
“Yes, surely you have money enough to buy al little country, and you can do whatever you want, but that doesn’t mean you should do it. If you stop to think of anyone but you for just a second, you’ll realize that I’m right.”
“It’s not even ten.” Rhodey voice sounded more suspicious each second.
“You can come with me, mommy, so you can make me a cup of hot chocolate and tuck me in bed.”
“We have a big meeting first time tomorrow morning. You need to be there.”
“I know, that’s why you are here babysitting me, aren’t you?”
The man just growled. But didn’t deny the statement, if anything, he looked more mistrusted.
Tony was enjoying his little game; it was kind of fun messing with his friend by doing exactly what he wanted him to do: being a nice billionaire. He wasn’t surprise when Rhodey sat down beside him in the car and almost was able to suppress a chuckle for his friend surprise at his unusual low speed when driving. Tony supposed it was a good idea start to act as if he already had achieved what he wanted, as if he had the responsibility right now. No more reckless and stupid things. He would take care of himself so he would be able to take care of someone else. Tony Stark had taken a decision, and he would act on it, not next Monday or tomorrow, but in that precise moment. He gave himself three months. If he could make it for that time, he could do it forever.
He could be that man.
For now, baby steps: left the party sober and alone, drive carefully, have something healthy for dinner, five or six hours of quality sleep time and tomorrow morning attend to that awful and boring meeting.
He could do it, because he had finally found someone that he couldn’t let down.