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“Dean, can I try something?”
Dean flinched, and threw a glance over at the just appearing Cas, who had his legs under him, sitting fully on the bed, staring at Dean with those blue eyes of his, and his head turned to the side.
Dean sighed and picked up the remote from his bed side table, and muted it. He and Sam had just gotten home from a Werewolf problem in Missouri, simple but he was tired. Sam had gone straight to bed after getting home and Dean just wanted to watch ONE episode of Game Of Thrones before crashing for the night.
Now this.
“What is it? Why?”
Dean looked up at Castiel (he was only taller because Dean was laying down and Cas sitting on his legs like a little kid made him a bit taller) and was completely overwhelmed with the kitten like look in Cas’s eyes, like he had been left alone for too long.
“It’s just- just one thing. I just want to see something.”
“Er what?”
Cas picked his hand off of his lap and held it out towards Dean.
Dean looked down at it, with a confused look on his face, eyes looked to the TV, to the wall behind the bed, to Cas’s hand, and then back to Cas’s face. Cas was smiling now, just a little smile.
“Let me see your hand.”
Dean raised his eyebrows and put his own hands on his stomach, clasped together.
“Why?- Cas, can’t this wait ‘til morning, I need my four hours.”
Dean leaned his head back and shut his eyes for a moment, but could feel the sadness rolling off Cas. He opened his eyes again and looked over.
Cas was still sitting there but his hand was on his lap again and he was looking towards the door, like he wasn’t sure what he should do now. He still looked like a little kitten and while Dean wasn’t a big fan of cats or dogs or animals in general, he couldn’t deny that Cas looked so adorable.
And that he felt bad.
Dean sighed and held out his left hand to Cas. Cas turned back to Dean when he heard his sigh, and Dean could literally see the happiness light up his eyes.
Cas reached up with his right hand and took Dean’s, palm against palm. He held them there for a minute and when Dean opened his mouth to say something, Cas flipped their hands to lace their fingers together.
All of the air left Dean and he almost gasped. He stared at their hands, now laced together, and then to Cas who was staring at them too, a true smile on his face.
Dean stared at him, eyes wide, mouth hanging open.
This was different. Yes, they had both known something was going on by the way that they caught each other staring at each other. And yes, they both knew that something had to be said or done sooner or later.
But Dean was truly shocked.
“Cas,” He said breathlessly, his mouth not sure how to wrap itself around the name.
“Hmm?”
Cas looked up at Dean finally, lips pushed together now, making sure their hands stayed in place in front of him.
“I....why...um...why did you want to do this.”
Cas looked down for a second at the bed, and Dean was worried he had hurt his feelings. Because God knows that’s the last thing Dean ever wanted to do. Dean went to say something but Cas spoke up.
“I was in a small cafe in New York state, and there was this couple. The whole place was empty except for them and me, and they were silent, sitting side by side, and the man just reached over and took the woman’s hand. The woman smiled him and put her head on his shoulder and he smiled, too. I just...”
Cas looked at the door and then at Dean, who was hanging on every word Cas said.
Cas looked back at their hands, turning them each way to really look.
“I just wanted to know what it felt like. To hold a hand like that.”
Dean took in a breath.
“Cas-”
But before he could finish, he heard the flap of wings, and Cas was gone. Dean’s hand was still in midair, still curled. He could already feel the absence of Cas and his hand was cold now. Cas was always so warm.
Holding hands with Cas...was different. It wasn’t like holding hands with Lisa or any of the other girls. There was a spark, whether it was a literal spark or a figurative one. But there was something. He already missed Cas, he wanted him to come back.
Dean dropped his hand and stared at it for a minute before closing his eyes.
“Cas,” he thought. “Come back. Please.”
He waited a minute and then said the same out loud.
Nothing.
No flap of wings, no “Hello, Dean.”
Nothing.
Dean opened his eyes, and sighed at the empty space next to him. He reached over to the remote and shut off the TV, stripped out of his flannel and jeans, leaving him in boxers and a white undershirt. Flipping off the light, he crawled under the covers, laid on his stomach and stretched out, taking up the whole bed.
It felt so empty and Dean found himself reaching over to the other side of the bed with his hand, wondering if he might find Cas’s own hand waiting there for him.