Work Text:
You thought you were ready for the war
(few ever are)
You thought you were on the winning side
(no one really wins)
((some suffer longer, never divided along the lines you think))
The things they ask you to do...
They don't feel right
Would they feel right to the others?
(they're not so different suddenly)
((but they are them and you are you))
(((you're not the same)))
You know what the answer is,
Their side would never ask this of them
That's why they aren't winning surely
Your side is willing to do whatever it takes
Your side has the strength of conviction
(but do you?)
((you don't feel strong when you cannot say no))
And when the strike comes
It turns out they were more prepared
(more willing to hurt than you)
((it's easier to hurt bad guys, you see))
The pain cuts deep, a gurgle in your throat
(it's not so different to what you've seen those above you do)
((do you deserve it too? Another casualty of war))
(((but you already were, weren't you, ever since the start without realising it.
And here's the maybe end you maybe can welcome. No one can ask more of you then. )))
But you hold on.
(hope can never die)
((hope someone will win))
(((hope that you won't have to fight anymore.
The outcome almost doesn't matter.)))
Everything you do matters.
Every action analysed.
Every move watched.
Every thought potentially known, if you slip up.
When it comes down to it,
You lie.
You risk death, a life for a life.
You let them leave with your hope.
You won't win.
You don't need to though
(you don't deserve to)
((you don't want to))
But someone must, so you pick a side again.
(knowing it isn't yours)
Whatever test there was you've long since failed.
Still, it will end, one way or another.
You'd do almost anything
Just to see it over.