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"Its over, Peter."
Three words. Three words that act like three separate bullets, aimed straight at his heart. Fired with ease, hitting with perfect precision, shattering his internal organ as if it were made of glass, usually strong, but breakable, fragile, leaving only unmendable shards, tiny immeasurable pieces, practially dust in its wake.
"No... No, no, please, please, I'm sorry-"
"Sorry doesn't cut it." His eyes, usually the color of the sky on a warm summers day, full of warmth, joy, love, is now as cold as a winters night, harsh, and full of hatred that sears through Peter's chest like a burning hot knife, bubbling, sizzling, charring his lungs to the point where he can no longer breathe, barely gasping, almost wheezing. "You made your choice a long time ago."
The vibranium suit, normally as light as a feather, hardly noticable to Peter now feels like a suit of armour on his body, a vice grip, heavy, clunky, holding him down, pressing against his shoulders and back like he was carrying all of the weight of his guilt, of his pain. "Please, Harls, please, you gotta understand, I-"
"Understand what?" His voice is like venom, seaping into his bloodstream and slowly, slowly but surely killing him. "How you're never around? How you're always off, fighting someone elses problems, someone else's crimes? How you're always there for everyone else, but you're never there for me? Never around when I need you to be?"
Peter feels himself breaking, crumbling, his body shuttering on its own accord as a loud, agonizing sob breaks through. "I'm sorry, Harley, baby, please, just, just give me another chance-" He's pleading, on the verge of collapsing to his knees and begging him to stay, 'please dont leave me, please, please-'
But he just shakes his head, turning around, speaking over his shoulder, his eyes icy, unforgiving. "I can't do this anymore, Peter. Not with you." And then he turns and walks away, slowly, leisurely, as if he didn't just deal the final blow, didn't just rip away the final block that sends the whole tower falling, breaking, crumbling under its own weight. Peter does collapse on to the ground then, sobbing loudly in defeat, in loss, in agony, his guilt and pain suffocating him from the inside out.
'I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry...'
~~
Peter lurches forward with a gasp, sitting upright on his bed as his blurry eyes flickering around the room rapidly, breathing heavily. It doesn't take long for the memory, the feelings, to return and Peter gasps again, turning quickly to look at the spot beside him on the bed, where Harley always, always sleeps.
Empty.
'No. No, no, nonono-' He surges forward hastily, placing his hands over the tossed up, messy sheets, trying to find some sign, any sign, that it wasn't true, it couldn't be true, it couldn't be. But the bed beside him was cold and empty, no traces of the man he loved anywhere, no matter how hard he shuffles the sheets around, searching, searching, breathing high, quick, panicked.
Nothing. There was nothing.
The shaking which started at his hands has now completely encapsulated his body, the bed almost vibrating against the wall due to the intensity as Peter curls into himself, digs his fingernails into his arms, and wails. He's gone, truly, truly gone, and it's all his fault.
He can feel his heart breaking, can feel each and every crack as its chipped in, can hear as they creak and groan with each beat, getting deeper, longer, a fissure in his chest, an aching cavity that nothing can fill, and it's so loud, so so loud, and it hurts and Peter can't breathe through his cries, his sobs, his screams.
He doesn't hear the robotic voice inquiring for him. Neither does he hear the soft voice calling out to him a few minutes later.
He can't hear anything but the sound of his heart breaking and a insistent ringing. White noise. He can faintly hear himself screaming, crying, but it seems so far away, so so far away...
At least until a hand grabs at his shoulder, which causes him to shoot back into his own body, back into the painful, painful, painful reality, his screams suddenly so very, very loud.
He very faintly hears a familiar voice start talking to him, but he's too shaken up to realize, his body reacting on its own as he grasps the arm in a death grip, throwing the person down on to the bed beside him and immediately jumping on top of them, arm pressed heavily on to their neck. Only then does he see the light, warm like a summers breeze baby blue eyes staring back at him, wide but not afraid, never afraid. Only then does he see the dirty blond shaggy hair surrounding his head like a halo, messy, disheveled most likely due to the sudden movement, due to the force at which Peter pushed him down. Only then does he remember, does he truly hear what the familiar voice had said to him, soft, calm, reassuring, "Oh baby, what happened? What's wrong?"
Baby. He had called him baby. He runs his eyes over his face, again and again and again. Soft features, gentle, slightly creased but not with anger, not with hatred. A small frown on his lips, but not curled into a snarl. Eyes swirling with emotions, but with concern and worry, warm and caring, kind and gentle, not icy, not cold, not dismissive. 'He's here. He didn't leave. He's here.'
As their eyes reconnect, brown on warm, warm, 'warm, not cold, warm' blue, Harley makes a small noise at the back of his throat, and then there's a hand cupping his cheek, a thumb wiping away his tears. "Sugar, what's going on?" His voice is soothing, soft, quiet, full of care, of concern, full of love.
And Peter breaks. He collapses on to Harley's chest, head tucked into the crook of his neck as he continues to cry, body shaking, head throbbing, mind racing. 'He's here, he's really, really here, he's here, he didn't leave, he's here-' "Im sorry!" He sobs out, clinging onto Harley's shirt, almost ripping it with his strength. "I'm so sorry!"
"Woah, woah," Harley wraps around him, pulling him closer instinctually, one arm around his waist, another around his shoulder, rubbing simple circles into his shoulder blades. "Its okay, everything is okay."
Peter just shakes his head, feeling the now damp material of Harley's hoodie against his running nose, his blotchy cheeks. He justs repeating it over and over, needs him to know, needs him to understand. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
Harley hushes him quietly, kissing his temple as Peter bawls into his chest. "What're you sorry for, baby?"
The pet name just makes him cry harder. "I-I-I didn't mean to be out all the time, I s-swear I didn't, I just- I'm just- God I'm sorry-" He cuts off with a heave, jerking away from Harley, leaning over the bed as he gasps for air, his breathing continues to pick up speed, causing him to borderline hyperventilate and his stomach to chrun dangerously.
"Shh you gotta breath, darlin'. Come on, breath for me." He continues to rub Peter's back as he wheezes in air, still leaning over the bed just in case, murmuring sweet nothings and encouragements until Peter is gulping down large, deep breaths, still crying and shaking and sobbing lightly, but better than before. "There you go, Pete, there you are."
He's still in some semblance of shock, even as he calms down more and more every minute. He still doesn't fully comprehend or understand what is happening, stuck in a state of disbelief, his brain trying to distinguish between this way-too-good-to-be-true reality and his horrible, awful nightmare. Which was real? It didn't seem like Harley hated him, but... Shouldn't he? Shouldn't he hate him for everything he has done? For leaving Harley alone every night, someone's coming back hurt, on the brink of death, just to what, be a hero? "I'm sorry." He chokes out, voice rough, hoarse, and shaky from his outburst, full of regret, of dread, of guilt. Harley should hate him, should leave him. "I'm sorry."
"What for, Pete?" Harley gently places two fingers under Peter chin and pushes his head up, causing their eyes to reconnect, teary, cloudy, chocolate meeting soft, swirling skies. "What's going on?" Peter just shakes his head, shutters, squeezes his eyes shut. He hears Harley sigh lightly, his thumb continuing to rub patterns on to his cheek with a light, delicate touch, as if he pushes too hard, Peter would shatter in his arms. "I can't help unless you tell me, sweetheart. Was it a bad dream? A nightmare?" He gulps, and nods once, slowly, shakily. "Okay, was it... Homecoming?" A shake of the head. "Thanos?" God, even just saying the name cause Peter to flinch, even after being back for a year. But he shakes his head again, his heart still racing, still thumping heavily in his chest. Harley hums, taking a moment to think before continuing. "Did someone get hurt? May? Tony? Or- or worse? Did-"
"You left." He blurts out suddenly, randomly, unexpectedly, even to him. But now that he's started speaking, now that he's opened the flood gates, he just can't seem to stop, everything spilling out of him. "Y-you left, you- you said you couldn't do it a-any more and that I was always- always gone as S-Spider-Man but I d-don't- I don't mean to be, I-I just- I-I have go to out and h-h-help people, I h-have to, but then you left and I d-didnt- I couldn't- I couldn't stop you- and- and I-"
He sees Harley's eyes widen as he stutters and stammers, tears pooling in his eyes again, shaking getting worse the more and more he speaks, and then Harley's shushing him again, pulling him in close, pressing Peter tightly to his chest and rocking them back and forth, swaying as if they were tree branches caught in the breeze. As soon as Peter's forehead hits Harley's shoulder, he bursts into tears again, sobbing and whimpering pathetically.
"Hey, hey hey, it's okay, it's okay. Peter, I would never leave you. Especially not like that. Never, you hear me? I love you too much to do that." He squeezes him tightly as he says that, and Peter just whines louder, pressing into him even more, getting as close to him as physically possible needing, needing to feel his warmth, his comfort all of a sudden, as if he was touch-starved all of his life. And Harley lets him, lets him press in as close as possible and curls around him, encompassing him with his arms, holding him there tightly. They stay like this a while, Peter slowly calming down again through Harley's continuous, rhythmic soothing movements, and Harley just keeping him close, gently kissing his head every few seconds, before he chuckles randomly, lightly, airy, almost breathless. "It would be kind of hypocritical of me to leave because of Spider-Man anyways, now wouldn't it?"
Peter snorts, a few wet chuckles escaping as he buries his face into the crook of Harley's neck, smelling the grease, oil, and hint of flowers that makes up Harley's signature scent, his body finally relaxing completely, accepting that 'he's here, he isn't leaving, he won't leave, he's here and he loves me.' "I guess so."
"There's my Petey pie." He can hear the sly grin in Harley's voice, and Peter instantly groans, trying to bury himself farther into the boy to hide his blushing face.
"Haaarls, you know I dont like it when you call me that." He pouts, even though Harley can't see it, but it quickly turns to a small smile as Harley laughs heartily, planting another kiss on the top of his head.
"Why do ya think I do it?"
Peter huffs, rolling his eyes even as the small, minuscule smile grows a bit larger on his face. "Meanie."
Harley doesn't respond to that, just them around shifting slightly so that Harley is laying on his back on the bed, with Peter laying on top of him, pressed against each other from head to toe. A hand reaches up and fingers curl through his hair, causing Peter to go practically boneless, leaning into the touch with a soft, content sigh. "Feeling better, Pete?"
He nods against Harley's chest, before pulling back and looking up into Harley's eyes, shy and a little guilty. "Yeah. Sorry you had to deal with..." He waves to himself, dropping his gaze in shame.
"Hey, none of that." Harley tilts his head back up, making their eyes reconnect again. "I'll always be there when you need me, okay? Whether it's a bad nightmare, a patrol gone wrong, whatever. Okay? So no apologizing." He pokes Peter's nose, causing Peter to scrunch it up and lean away, whining with a big, goofy smile on his face. God, how in the hell did he get this man to be his boyfriend? This perfect, perfect person? How did he, Peter Parker, get lucky enough to be with Harley Keener? He may never know, but he definitely isn't taking it for granted. Especially after tonight. Tonight, Peter truly realizes how much he needs Harley and how awful life would be without him. He is going to hold on to his boy for as long as Harley wants him too. And, if it was up to Peter...
He was going to marry this man someday.
He cuddles into the love of his life, shutting his eyes, smiling from ear to ear, the last lingering memories of his hellish nightmare fading in the basking warmth of Harley's embrace. "I love you. So so much."
"I love you too, darlin'. More than you'll ever know."
--
He opens the lab with ease, banging on the wall beside the door, causing the other man in the room to jump. "Time to go, princess! Up and at em!"
Harley groans, rubbing his eyes before continuing to work, the dismantled pieces of the Iron Lad suit surrounding him on the work bench. "A few more minutes? Please??"
"Nope! You said that two hours ago." He rolls his eyes, leaning against the doorway. "And look where you still are, even though I know that you know we have somewhere to be."
"C'mon, pleaase? You can sit on my lap till I'm done??"
Harley gives him big old puppy dog eyes, but he doesn't fall for it, just huffing out a laugh at his boyfriend's antics, pushing off of the door frame, sauntering over and grabbing the collar of his shirt, pulling him up gently. "No, Harls, we gotta go."
"Fiiiine, fine." He drawls, allowing himself to be pulled up out of his seat, before stretching and groaning, his joints popping from sitting for too long.
Peter catches a strong wiff, and whistles, pushing him towards the door with mock disgust in his face. "Shower first though, you stink!"
Harley scoffs, rolling his eyes before grinning wickedly, purposefully dragging his eyes up and down Peters body sensually. "I will if you join me?"
Peter snorts as his face flushes slightly, shaking his head as Harley walks backwards past him towards the door, maintaining eye contact and wiggling his eyebrows. "Maybe you should have thought of that two hours ago, when I first asked you to leave the lab, and you know, had my own shower."
"But baaaabe-"
"Nope, this is your punishment, go!" He waves him away, grinning from ear to ear as his boyfriend attempts to pout, but fails miserably, chuckling (giggling, though Harley refuses to call it that) all the way out the door, towards the elevator and therefore, towards their bathroom.
Peter watches him leave, before plopping down on to the rolling chair he pushed Harley out of, smiling goofily and sighing happily. That interaction, that entire situation just proves to Peter that he is definitely doing the right thing, and that this, this is exactly what he wants. For the rest of his life.
He pulls out the small velvet box burning a hole into his pocket, opening it and staring adoringly at the clean, simple silver band, adoned with a few little crystals and a little pattern engraved into it, around the band. Nothing over the top, but a little something to make it different, special, to make it stand out. Something just like the man he's going to offer it to, who will hopefully accept it (hopefully like it in general). Peter feels his overwhelming nerves for the evening popping back up, but with the nerves, come excitement, hope, and he tries to focus on that instead.
He wonders how Harley will react. Will his face light up like a Christmas tree, bright, excited? Or will be be shocked, eyes wide and mouth dropped? Or maybe he'll have expected it, and he'll just look at Peter knowingly with that cunning grin of his, the regular glint in his beautiful sapphire eyes. Peter wouldn't put it past him, Harley's too smart for his own good sometimes and can read Peter like a book. He has tried his best to keep it a secret though, he wants it to be a surprise. Maybe Harley will even cry (not with sadness though, god hopefully not sadness), who knows?
Well, Peter's gonna find out, because the next thing he knows, he's surrounded by his family on multiple smaller couches, tucked around a fireplace in a log cabin house, the fire illuminating all of their faces as they laugh, talk, and enjoy each others company.
It's Christmas Eve, and Christmas Eve for the Iron Family (as Tony had called them when they were all on his hospital bed, holding him tightly after his near dead experience due to the whole Thanos fiasco) meant getting together at the Stark cabin and spending the night together, sharing stories, laughing deeply, and getting to open one gift of the persons choosing, before the main event of Christmas Day.
Everyone had already opened their one gift for the night. Except for Peter, Harley, and Morgan, whose turn it was now, and who had chosen Peter's gift at random to open.
Which is why the now thirteen year old starts to screech loudly, shooting over and engulfing him in a big, tight bear hug that knocks the air out of him. "Eeee, oh my god! This is amazing!!" Peter let's out an oof at the sudden impact, but it quickly turns into a laugh as he hugs his baby sister back just as tightly. "Thank you so much, Peter!! This is awesome, oh my god!!"
He had gotten her a Nintendo game that she's been wanting, practically begging and pleading, for for ages, making sure it was okay with Tony and Pepper first of course. He didn't want to get someone they were already getting her, after all.
"Stepping us up, hey Pete?" Tony chuckles from the other couch, winking at him as he sips at his candy cane hot chocolate beside Pepper, who was holding on to his non-metal hand (another side effect of the thanos fiasco), watching the scene with a warm smile. On another couch, beside them, sits Rhodey, Happy and May, Rhodey on one end, Happy and May snuggled up together on the other, also holding hands.
He grins, winking back to the man, saying "Maaaybe." before pulling back and watching as Morgan grabs the game again, analysing the box as she flips it over and reads the back, a big, wide smile on her face.
"Harls, your turn." Tony nods to the giant pile of presents underneath the illuminated tree in the corner of the room.
"My turn? Oooo, I wonder who's it'll be." Peter can hear the smirk in his boyfriend's voice as he shifts forward so that Harley can unwind his arm that was hooked around Peter's waist and stand, walking towards the pile designated to him. He hears the man humming to himself, some sort of Christmas song, before he decides on a smaller package and returns back to the seat, shuffling close to Peter so that their thighs are pressed together, so that they still have some sort of bodily contact.
Peter feels his heart starting to race and feels his palms beginning to sweat as he watches Harley open up the gift, and gawk at brand new, clean faced black watch with silver accents that is inside. He puts it on, tilting it in different ways as he stares at it with a big grin, before thanking Tony immensely. "Thanks, old man!"
He sees Tony roll his eyes, waving him away with a small, genuine smile before he hears him say that it was Peter's turn, barely hearing it over the blood rushing in his ears. This is it, the moment everything goes very right, or very very wrong. He takes a deep, deep breath, shoving down his fears and insecurities and grasping all of the confidence he can muster before standing, slowly, shoulders forward and head high. "Uhm, a-actually, there's something I want to do first."
He looks over to Harley, at his bewildered expression, smiles small but strong, even if he's freaking out on the inside, and holds out a shaky hand to him. He hears a light gasp from someone behind him, probably putting two and two together as Harley takes his hand and stands, still looking completely lost as to what is happening.
"I- I know the tradition is one gift the night before but, uh-" He reaches into his pocket, pulling out the small box and making sure to look straight into Harley's eyes, those big, blue, still warm like a summers day sky eyes that are now wide and full of unshed tears, mouth gaping slightly, before continuing with the speech he memorized over the years. "Do you remember that one night, what, 7 years ago now? When I woke up from a nightmare, freaked out and panicking? Do you remember why I was freaking out?"
Harley nods, letting out a wet laugh, his tears now falling over his pushed up cheeks, the biggest smile Peter's ever seen growing on his face, 'Thank god'. "You- you thought I left you."
Peter nods once, feeling his own eyes starting to burn as he stares at this beautiful, amazing man stood in front of him, seeing how happy Peter is making him and feeling all of his fears, his worries washing away.
"I thought you broke up with me. Left, never coming back again. And, Harley, I-" He shakes his head, feeling his throat starting to close up due to his emotions, his face mirroring Harley's as his tears pool over as well, but he pushes through it all, his voice sounding choked up and cracking. "I couldn't handle it. The thought of you not being here, not being apart of my life, I couldn't deal with it. I can't deal with it. That night, when you called me down and told me you were never, ever going to leave? That's the night I realized that I couldn't live without you. You're my everything, Harley, every smile, every laugh, every joke and pun. Youve been there for me through sunshine and rain, sweltering summer days and bitter winter nights. Through the good, and the bad. And I want you to continue to be there, by my side, through everything, as my everything, for the rest of our lives. I love you so, so, so much. So," Peter goes down on to one knee, staring up at his now full out sobbing boyfriend, whose eyes are as bright as the star set on the top of the tree, whose smile is as wide as his face, from ear to ear, whose face is lit up by the different multicolored lights surrounding them, giving him this ethereal look, and he tries to memorize every inch of this look as he gently opens the box and asks, voice trembling but full of adoration, full of love,
"Harley Keener, will you marry me?"
He nods furiously, choking out a "yes, yes!" before Peter jumps up and hugs him tightly, holding him close and burying his face into the crook of his neck, one hand on the back of his hand, curling into his hair as the other grips around his hip, laughing at the overflowing amount of joy, excitement, love, love, love rushing through his veins.
He faintly hears cheers from behind them, their family celebrating, but he doesn't pay it any mind, focusing all of his senses on his boyfriend- his fiance in his arms, on his smell, oil, flowers and cologne, on his warmth, curling into his chest, on the large smile on his face that Peter can see as he turns his head and kisses Harley's temple, on his lips as Harley pulls away and places his hands on each side of Peter's face, kissing him passionately, with tongue and all.
"Save some for the bedroom!" He hears Rhodey call out, before a smack and a "hey!" follows, making them both pull away laughing, looking at each other with mirror expressions of ecstasy and elation.
Peter grabs Harleys left hand, before taking the ring out of the box and putting it in its rightful place, on his ring finger. Harley stares at it with awe, before kissing him again, softer and quicker this time, pulling him back into another hug and croaking out "I was supposed to propose to you!" Peter just laughs harder, kissing his forehead again before pulling back competely, sencing their family coming up to congratulate them.
As they all come up and hug them one by one, Peter glances back over to Harley and smiles wide, knowing that now, with Harley by his side forever and always, he will never, ever have to worry about being alone again.