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-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] --
EB: hey vriska.
EB: so, like, i know you probably won’t see this.
EB: i don’t even know if you’re still alive.
EB: i just felt like i should talk to you about this first.
EB: i don’t even know why i feel that way. i mean, i only knew you for a day like ten years ago, and then again like seven?
EB: by all rights i should be talking to terezi, or jade, or even rose.
EB: but instead i feel like this pull to talk to you.
EB: maybe it’s because i know that you probably won’t even see this, let alone respond.
EB: anyways, i don’t think i’m a guy?
EB: does that make sense?
EB: oh what am i saying, trying to talk to a troll about human gender concepts does about as much good as talking to a rock.
EB: this is stupid.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] --
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] --
EB: hi again, vriska.
EB: i slept on it, or to put it another way, i tossed and turned all night thinking.
EB: so i think i’m just going to put it all out there.
EB: i really don’t think i’m a boy.
EB: like, at all.
EB: i think i’ve known this on some level for a while now, but this feeling’s been consuming me nearly all the time ever since roxy came out.
EB: oh, also roxy came out as non binary.
EB: but yeah, the past few weeks have been pretty hard. also, i don’t mean to put any blame on them or anything, i’m in fact really happy for them, it’s just the whole thing put me into this deep intro spective mood.
EB: i hope i don’t sound like a total ass.
EB: i don’t know, maybe i’m just depressed, but it honestly doesn’t feel like that.
EB: when i’m depressed, i just feel numb and alone and helpless. but this is something different.
EB: it’s like, this weird, persistent discomfort with everything, physically, about me.
EB: i haven’t left home in the past few weeks because i feel so uncomfortable in my clothes, and like i said, you’re the only person i’ve said any of this to.
EB: if you asked me ten years ago to even try on a skirt or dress, i’d probably have laughed. but now, all i want to do is go out and just buy a fuckton of women’s clothes.
EB: i mean, that’s not all i want to do. in general, my body just weirds me out now, like more than it probably should normally.
EB: i’ve not been taking showers because of the mirror in my bathroom. it’s like it’s mocking me every time i look at it. i don’t really know if that makes any sense, but i don’t really have another way to put it.
EB: so yeah, i’m not really sure the whole guy thing is really doing for me.
EB: maybe i’m transgender?
EB: but like, in every article i’ve read about transgender people, they always seem to have known since they were young, and i don’t remember ever feeling like i do now before, and that if i said i was transgender, that people would just say i’m faking it.
EB: and yet, i’ve still got this gut feeling that my whole life is just wrong. does that make sense?
EB: like the image of me as a guy is just all hollowed out.
EB: i’m sorry for rambling on about what i could probably just summarize in a sentence or two.
EB: tl dr: i think i’m a girl? or at least, the mental image of girl me is more pleasant than a guy me.
EB: or maybe i’m just gay.
EB: fuck, i don’t know.
EB: you’ll probably never see this, but i think i just needed to put what i’m feeling into words before i talk to anyone else.
EB: so, i guess thank you.
EB: goodbye, vriska.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] --