Work Text:
Brock let Jose crawl into his bunk.
It was late and a bad idea.
But Brock was sad and lonely and he thought he had somebody.
Well, he did have somebody. But that person was not the right somebody.
But he was.
At the same time, he was the right person and the wrong person. It hurt Brock’s head to think about.
So he let Jose crawl into the bunk. Let him tangle his short-by-comparison legs up with his own. He let them breathe for a moment before speaking.
“You can’t be here.” Please don’t go.
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t.” Because I love you and it hurts. It hurts because I know we would be so good together if you would just let me. If you could just let me love you. You’re quick-tempered and loud and rude and never know when to shut up. And I love you. I love you more than I can ever remember loving anything else in this whole fucking world.
Why can’t you just let me?
Jose sat up. His movements were stiff and calculated as he threw off the blankets.
“I’m sorry. I wish it were different.” It can be different. It can. Just say the words and it will be.
“Me too.”
“J, you have to believe me.” I know you don’t but try. Please, can you just try?
“Oh, I do. Trust me, I do.” It was harsh and cold, unlike the Jose that Brock loved knew.
Brock was turning him into something he wasn’t. Turning him into someone he had always been on the edge of becoming.
This was for the best then. Brock’s mind reasoned.If I’m making him a worse person, it is better if he leaves.
It didn’t feel better.
It felt worse.
Doing the right thing was supposed to be hard, but feel good, right?
It didn’t.
“J, I-” I need you to say it. I need you to say it’s okay that we aren’t ready yet. I need you to understand. I need you to listen to the words I’m not saying and hear them.
Jose stood up in the aisle of the nearly silent tour bus.
“It’s okay, Brock.” His voice was hushed now. He turned back around to try and make out Brock’s face in the darkness. To make out any trace of the man he knew. “I know.”
You don’t. You can’t.
“You don’t.”
“Then tell me.”
Brock was silent.
“That’s what I thought.”