Chapter Text
The islanders had mostly lapsed into doing whatever they did when Twelve wasn’t around by the second week. The Butt Witch was frustrated, but she mostly kept to herself. Esther and Todd weren’t going to come without Reggie—not again—so there wasn’t really anyone for her to conquer, was there?
Well, there was, but she had to be sneaky about fighting the closest thing to a God. That was why the day once again found her and Big Deal hanging around on the beach, making art. Big Deal was doodling again, but she had found some fabric and thread and the motion of making new clothes was calming. She tried not to think about how it had probably been provided, as though she was a pet seeking enrichment.
Big Deal was blissfully ignorant of her plans because as far as Butt Witch was concerned, Bethune Meadows had eyes and ears everywhere. She could leave, but she’d have to come back—glancing at Big Deal, she recognized the simple truth; that Bethune had found her tether. Disgusting. Big Deal could never know.
“Ma’am? You’re being more quiet than normal.” Big Deal said.
“I’m thinking.”
“Well, what are you thinking about, ma’am?” Big Deal put his face in his hands and kicked his legs in the air.
“How to get a better henchman.” She snapped, cutting the thread with her teeth. “One who doesn’t ask stupid questions.”
She had a plan forming. There wasn’t much she could do against Bethune, but she could at least spit in the god-girl’s eye by ridding her of her latest favorite toy. She would save her adopted sisters. First, though, she needed certain pieces of information.
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Dr Champion strolling down the beach alone. She threw the cloth at Big Deal—that was the signal, and nodded towards Dr Champion. Big Deal stared blankly for a minute, then nodded. She melted into the jungle, and Big Deal snuck up behind Dr Champion. He threw the cloth over Dr Champion’s head, and grabbed him under the armpits before flying away.
Dr Champion seemed mildly delighted to be flying, despite being obviously kidnapped.
The cloth was then ripped away from his head unceremoniously as he touched down. He was in his own tub, which had survived the load-bearing can being taken away. “AHH! The tub part of my house!”
“Hello, Rampion.” Butt Witch said, hunching her knees close to her chest. It was very hard to be calm and collected in a bathtub shared with a lunatic. Not even a large bathtub…
“Hi, Big Deal!” Dr Champion twisted around to wave at the little dragon man, who waved back meekly. He was perched on top of the showerhead, since there was barely enough room for two in the bathtub.
“Rampion—or would you prefer Charles?” Butt Witch continued. “I have questions for you. Can Bethune see what happens when you’re off the island?”
“I’m Dr Champion!”
“Right. Big Deal?”
Big Deal leaned down and hurriedly turned the faucet. Dr Champion—and by extension, a bit of Butt Witch— was drenched gently in warm water. As always, Dr Champion chose to react by screaming.
Big Deal shut off the water.
“I don’t care what you call yourself, Rampion. I care about information. Can Bethune Meadows see you when you’re out and about?”
“Shampoo me!” Dr Champion ordered.
Big Deal leaned forward, but Butt Witch held up a hand. “Not yet.”
“Ma’am, I don’t think he knows…” Big Deal said nervously.
Butt Witch nodded slowly, looking at Dr Champion with careful, glittering eyes. “No… alright, Dr Champion. Do you remember the labyrinth of memories?”
“Oh… yes!” Dr Champion leaned forward expectantly. “Short term or long term?”
Right, the accursed short term memories… Bethune could see everything happening, but she couldn’t act until Butt Witch got back, right?
“Short term. Did you ever see any sign that anyone was… in there?” Butt Witch raised an eyebrow.
“Oh… yes… they looked kind of like you!”
“Spray him, Big Deal.” She huffed. Big Deal acquiesced.
Butt Witch leaned back against the other side of the tub, trying to be imposing. “So. I suppose what I should really say is, could the little girl affect the rea—the world outside of Endless?”
“Little girl?!” Dr Champion repeated. “She knows! She knows all!”
“Yes, yes, we’re past the part with the knowing.” Butt Witch waved her hand absentmindedly. “What about the part where she can act against us?”
“She takes who she wants!” Dr Champion appeared to be looking around for an escape.
“But nothing else? I have a feeling her powers of kidnapping are somewhat loose anyway.” Butt Witch muttered to herself.
Dr Champion launched himself out of the tub, and started sprinting away as fast as he could upon hitting the ground.
“You never finished your shower!” Big Deal called after him.
Dr Champion screamed back something unintelligible before throwing himself into the jungle flora.
“Where to next, ma’am?” Big Deal asked.
“Take me to Brown Friend, I need more answers.” Butt Witch climbed onto Big Deal’s back.
“Uh… I don’t know where Brown Roger is right now.” Big Deal said. “And it’s… going to get dark soon.”
From their tall vantage, they could see the sun setting over the sea. Big Deal could feel Ma’am settling on his back, like a great tightness had gone out of her frame.
“How many sunsets have you seen, Big Deal?” Butt Witch asked in a way that implied she knew the answer, as they flew over the islanders moving into homes with twinkling lights.
“Oh, so many Ma’am.” Big Deal said. After all, there had been sunsets and nighttime on Endless as long as he could remember. (He tried not to think too hard about it.)
“Mmm… it gets me every time, seeing the colours…” She mused, mostly to herself. “Alright, back to home base, we’ll find Brown Friend tomorrow.”
They ended up not finding Brown Roger until the next week, but that was neither here nor there. He was painting a magnificent portrait of Reggie, much like had hung in her golden castle once upon a time.
“Hello, Brown Friend!” Butt Witch called.
“Brown Roger, ma’am.”
“That’s what I said!”
Brown Roger chattered warily, placing himself between her and the painting. She had been getting a lot better, and he liked her artistry in a way that didn’t threaten to surpass his own works. He liked how mellow she was acting now, and how much she didn’t seem to want to destroy Reggie. However, he would not forget that she had destroyed his painting—and knocked him to the ground, but the painting!—the first time anyone met her. And that thing when Todd upset him, but the painting!
“Brown Friend, I have questions for you.” But Witch made to sit down, then realized there was nothing to sit on. Big Deal helpfully acted as a chair. Brown Roger thought that was weird, but wasn’t really going to comment.
“Now, I know you hate that… fish boy.” She waved her hand dismissively. “I don’t want him to step foot on the island either! Do you know where he and the girls keep their keys when they’re not here?”
Keys? Keys to what? Brown Roger wondered.
“Well, to the island.” Butt Witch replied after Big Deal translated the chittering. She finally decided to stand, believing it was kinder to Big Deal—oh yes, Brown Roger saw her reasons, not that she’d admit them—even if it made her unfortunately loom over him. “You know, how they come and go.”
Brown Roger was not going to help her hurt Reggie, and that was final. At least, not again.
“Brown Friend, I’m not trying to hurt Reggie! I’m happy that she’s been recovering these past few weeks!”
Recovering? Reggie had been hurt? Where was Todd? Where was Esther—why hadn’t he himself helped? Brown Roger began to paw at his face in worry.
“Calm yourself, Brown Friend. She broke her leg, and Esther and I helped her get home. I am not surprised she hasn’t been back.” Butt Witch said with a really surprising gentleness. Brown Roger glanced at Big Deal, who seemed as shocked as he himself was. This, of course, proved nothing, as the Green Woman was slippery indeed.
“I just want to make sure she’s safe before she tries coming back to Endless.” Butt Witch smiled toothily as she continued.
Brown Roger shivered, he didn’t like the look of those teeth.
She began to pace as she talked. “To do that, I need to make sure she won’t disappear on me when I check in on her in the human world.”
Wait, she could do that? All along?
“Well, no, not all along.” Butt Witch said. “But see, I haven’t used it for evil.”
…that was a fair point. Perhaps she had indeed turned over a new leaf. Would she really make sure that the stupid Todd boy never came back?
“I will do my best.” Butt Witch said. “That’s all I can promise.”
That was legitimate, and probably the best chance Brown Roger had of getting rid of the Todd boy. Alright, here’s what he knew. Reggie and the two others liked to keep their ‘keys’ in something called ‘backpacks’ while at ‘school’, he knew that much at least. Something about them being fragile. Brown Roger had only overheard the end of a conversation before he had popped up out of the ground and startled Reggie, and she had then played with him.
Butt Witch smiled that awful smile again. “Thank you, Brown Friend. You’ve been incredibly helpful. Big Deal, reward him!”
Big Deal handed Brown Roger a little cape made just for him. Brown Roger marveled at it for a moment to seem polite, but he didn’t really want a cape.
“It’s an artist’s smock.” Butt Witch said.
Oh. That changed things. Brown Roger chattered his thanks as Butt Witch and Big Deal left, still smiling. He squinted at Big Deal’s retreating form—Big Deal really wasn’t in on whatever plan the Green Woman had, was he? Oh, well, it wasn’t his problem.