Archive of Our Own ^beta

The ring he gave her still carried a little bit of his warmth. She ran the side of her thumb along the metal, as if trying to keep it from leaving. When it went cold, maybe she would too. 

"Goodbye, Minako." When she dared to look up, Ryoji was still wearing that same, sad smile. He was so human.

"My dearest..."

As much as she wanted to reply, no words came out. There was nothing else to say. She nodded and went back to examining the pattern on the lounge carpet.

Her heart had never felt so full and empty at the same time.

The front door closed. Her teammates began speaking again, anticipating the coming battle. All in all, spirits were high. Their bond was stronger than ever, even though there were things that still didn't sit right.

There was no point in dwelling on it. She made the right decision.

For everyone.

Didn't she?

There were still animated conversations going on when she made her way toward the stairs. Staying would only bring the mood down. A good leader knew when to remove herself from the equation.

Shutting her room door only dampened the noise from downstairs. She couldn't help but envy them. Finding the resolve to keep fighting was a lot harder than she expected it would be. Everyone had grown so much since April.

If she didn't catch up soon, she'd get left behind.

A quiet, but persistent tap on the door made Minako jump. She hadn't even moved since closing it behind her less than five minutes ago. It wasn't enough time to pretend to be asleep.

She put Ryoji's ring down on her desk before turning back to open the door. Through an inch-wide crack, she saw Akihiko. He lifted his hand to knock again, but stopped as he noticed her gaze.

"Mind if I come in?" He asked in a low voice, throwing a quick glance over his shoulder. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my room, but you left so fast."

Minako wasn't sure what she wanted, and that was exactly why she avoided talking to him in the first place. After everything that happened in the past month, she wasn't great company. Pretending otherwise was starting to eat at her.

"I was in the middle of studying, actually." She didn't want to lie, but the words came out before she could stop them. "Exams are coming up, right? I can't let my grades slip if we plan to save the world."

Akihiko smiled doubtfully.

"Studying without any lights on?"

With no other excuses prepared, Minako gradually opened the door to let him in. The fact that her room still smelled like Ryoji made her wish she tried a little harder to keep him away. They stood together, in the dark, for several quiet seconds.

It was a small mercy that he spoke up first, because the energy to start a conversation had long left her.

"I know now's a bad time for it, but..." Akihiko appeared to be thinking very hard. He anxiously rubbed the back of his neck, opening and closing his mouth once or twice.

He let out a sigh, opting instead to take a few hurried steps toward her. Pulling her tight against his chest, he buried his face in her hair. They stayed that way for a while. His heart was beating fast, like it always did when he held her so close.

"It's insane. The world might end, and I'm annoyed because another guy was smiling at my girlfriend," he admitted.

She wrapped her own arms around his middle. His grip was almost tight enough to hurt, but she didn't mind it. Having trouble breathing was a nice reminder that she could, in fact, breathe at all.

"...I'm sorry." The words muffled against his light coat. "Ryoji told me to kill him, and I really thought about doing it."

He briefly squeezed harder. Even without seeing him, it was obvious that he was smiling kindly.

"That doesn't matter. You respected everyone's wishes. Thank you."

Even his praise couldn't penetrate her doubt. All she did was decide not to be selfish. That didn't warrant any thanks.

"I don't know how to handle any of this." At least that was true. If she couldn't admit to being terrified, it was a start. "I want to go back to normal. I tried, but I can't."

Akihiko didn't let up. He persisted in quietly soothing her fears, one hand running up and down her back. She could feel his heat, even through her sweater.

"No one's asking you to. After the kind of year we've all had, feel whatever the hell you need to. I'll be here for you, because you did the same for me." 

There it was again. She wanted to cry, but nothing would come out. Mourning a carefree life she could have had until the Fall. Guilt over the fear her friends would live with until they confronted Nyx at the end of January. Everyone expected so much from her, and she was letting them down.

"...I didn't realize I was a jealous guy until I met you." Akihiko slowly loosened his grip and looked down at her. His face had gone pink in anticipation of his next words. "I hated the idea that you might be dating Junpei. I even got wound up when Shinji warmed up to you so fast."

The sudden admission was almost enough to make Minako forget her looming dread. She looked up at him, thoroughly studying his face for the first time in days. It was hard to pin down his expression, but somehow, she understood what he meant.

"Even before we started dating?"

"Well, yeah, only I didn't know why I felt that way. It was driving me crazy."

Minako couldn't help but admire him. When they met, she couldn't imagine Akihiko talking so openly about his insecurities. He was well-meaning, but clumsy, and bad at handling his own feelings. He gave her too much credit for helping him sort that part of his life out.

"Girls don't like when guys get possessive, right?" His meandering thoughts were wrapping up. Watching him think out loud was oddly sweet. "I know that, but sometimes I feel like kissing you just to remind myself that I can."

Still, it was somewhat surprising to hear him come to that conclusion. It was true that she had a habit of getting deeply involved in the lives of other people. When they were only friends, it never seemed like a problem. She wanted to be the closest one to him, but so many things made it difficult for them.

Girls never stopped following Akihiko around. During and after school, it was next to impossible for them to get any privacy outside the dorm. That had always been true.

Beyond that, they had to sneak around their friends every day. They were in constant danger fighting shadows. The knowledge that she and Akihiko were dating would only complicate things for SEES. None of that was new. She knew why they kept their relationship a secret, but that didn't stop her from feeling lonely.

It always seemed like they'd have time to figure things out. Now, they could very well be dead in a month. For the first time in weeks, warm emotions surged inside her chest. Something underneath the fear and guilt was waking up.

"...I'm yours, right?"

Akihiko looked taken aback by the question, but didn't hesitate to respond.

"Of course," he told her. "My only girl."

"Then, if you need to remind yourself, you should do it."

She watched the gears turn in his head, processing what she was asking.

"A-Are you sure that's okay..? I mean, I want to, but..."

He clearly put effort into shoving his jealousy down instead of letting it show. Being encouraged to do the opposite was against his nature.

"Ryoji called me his 'dearest' in front of everyone, but we've never been able to do anything like that."

The reminder didn't sit well with Akihiko. Did it dawn on him that they might never have time? Or was whatever he'd felt by simply being in the same room as her and Ryoji compounding? Either way, that agitation looked good on him.

"I'd like it if you were more selfish."

It wasn't to satisfy his impulses. Not only that, at least. Hearing how he felt was one thing, but experiencing it was another. This way, they could both be selfish at the same time.

Then again, maybe it was too much.

"Or, is that weird to ask? It's fine if you say no, too..."

He didn't say no. Instead, Akihiko leaned down to press a firm, needy kiss to her lips. She had to take a step back with the way it put her off-balance, but her eyes fluttered closed. If he wanted to be a possessive boyfriend, she'd let him have her.

The moment she pulled back to take a breath, his tongue pushed eagerly into her mouth. Small noises got muffled against his lips, but she did nothing to discourage him. He shrugged his coat and scarf off, letting them fall to the floor while steering her toward the bed. Before she knew it, her back hit the mattress and he was crawling on top of her.

It was a much different pace than usual. They were both so restless and in love and sad that it worked without any extra effort. His hand hooked around the back of her neck, keeping her in place for him. Not that she'd want to stop, anyway.

He kissed up her jawline, pausing to roll his tongue against the skin behind her ear.

Something like a soft whine pushed through her grit teeth. He knew all the places she was sensitive, and wasn't being shy about it. Her hands grabbed fistful of her cute, patterned sheets. Squeezing something real was barely enough to keep her feeling grounded.

"Aki..."

He moved down the curve of her neck, tugging her collar out of the way. His teeth pinched the bare skin of her shoulder. She felt him suck hard enough to mark her. Her slender frame twisted gently beneath him.

Moving across her collar bone, his mouth found the swell of her breasts next. Every inch or so, there would surely be another mark left behind. No one would be able to see them. Placed only where her uniform would cover them, the blonchy red spots would be for their eyes only.

Physical proof that she was alive, and they were together.

Minako rolled them over after several long minutes, sitting along Akihiko's middle. His eyes surveyed his handiwork for a few seconds before flickering off to the side of the room. He looked embarrassed, but not guilty.

"That was some reminder. Feel better?" She asked him. He looked back up at her, letting out a short laugh.

"You always make me feel better. How about you?" He reached out, and her hands met his. Their fingers laced together lazily. Maybe she had a good reason to fight all along. It was silly that it took so long for her to realize it.

"I think I'll be okay after all."

If how busy the third years in her dorm looked was any indication, she'd need all that rest for next year.

Still, she slept in too long to shower before heading out. Her hair was still pinned up from the previous day. That was weird, since she didn't usually forget to take it down. Regardless, all she had to do was get dressed and head out.

Moving over to the mirror, she held each end of her red ribbon between her fingers. She lifted her chin slightly, but something caught her attention. There was another thing that looked strange.

Letting go of the ribbon, the undid the first few buttons of her shirt and pulled the fabric aside. 

The skin around her shoulders and neck was covered in bizarre reddish marks. Some had faded to purple, but were already generously overlapped with fresh ones.

She had no idea how they got there.

"Are you kidding me..? Rio's going to think I have a boyfriend or something."

She sighed, buttoning her shirt up once again and finished getting ready. Tired and bruised up. As if she needed more things to worry about.

The school year couldn't end soon enough.