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Richie had smoked plenty before, he was used to the smell of cigarettes by standing next to Beverly alone, even if he didn’t find them enjoyable, he did it from time to time when he felt stressed out or thought he needed to prove how stressed he was – because that’s what grownups do, right? Smoke the stress off.
But weed was a different thing, at least the burning in his throat had its pay off late. The first time it happened it wasn’t really a group thing. Beverly had approached him directly, insisting they should meet up at their old clubhouse.
“Look what I found in the boys lockers,” Beverly held the small bag proudly in front of Richie’s face.
“Bev, I know you are close with Bill but no need to invade those spaces - HEY!”, Richie got cut off by Beverly hitting his arm with one of Eddie’s old comics. “What the fuck was that for?”
“For being an ass,” Beverly took one of her cigarettes out as she spoke, “One of those assholes thought it’d be funny to steal my clothes so I stole their stash.”
Richie knew she managed to go by unnoticed if she really made an effort of walking on the sidelines and sneaking to school later than she should, but it was exhausting and wasn’t worth it if girls were still managing to make up bullshit about her despite not going nowhere near them. But if it bothered her she played it off pretty well when she was with them.
“I didn’t think you thought I was worth stealing for, you really care for me,” Richie pouted his lips at her and batted his lashes, Beverly rolled her eyes as she held back a laugh. “Wouldn’t you prefer to share this with, I dunno, Bill or Ben?”
“I don’t think they would approve much of it.”
Beverly sat on the ground with her legs crossed, Richie raised an eyebrow curiously but surprisingly, didn’t say more. He sat in front of her, mimicking her position.
“Now what? Aren’t you supposed to have a pipe or some shit?” Richie asked, thinking he should stop with the questions if he didn’t want to annoy her out of sharing, but he felt giddy inside about what was about to happen.
“Good thing we have some shit,” she replied, her voice deadpan. Beverly tried to unroll the cigarette as careful as possible, some of its insides getting lost on the dirt beneath them.
“You gonna mix it up?” Richie just watched Beverly’s skinny fingers work. “Is it still going to…hit?”
“I mean, there’s no reason it wouldn’t,” Beverly raised her eyebrows at him, approaching the level of annoyance Richie was suspecting he was already getting to, so he just let her work, since she knew better than him anyway.
Once the poorly rolled joint was done, Beverly pulled out her lighter, she and Richie just looked at each other, trying to hide that they were nervous about it.
Beverly coughed loudly but she didn’t complain, she just passed the joint to Richie and threw the lighter at his lap, while she was trying to calm herself down. At first, Richie thought he was going to cough out a lung as Eddie always told him whenever he saw him smoking, his eyes had filled with tears and his throat was burning, he wanted to yell or make some funny remark but he couldn’t play off how pathetic he looked at the moment.
Once they both managed to breathe normally again, their faces redder than they ever seen them, Beverly was the one to speak up.
“You wanna hit it again?”
It was a nice buzz, Richie felt light inside, surprisingly quiet even for him. Beverly laid on the ground, humming to herself and running her fingers up and down through the dirt, both allowing themselves to just be. They agreed to bring food the next time over, since both of them were starving and they had to wait until they were for real sure their eyes weren’t red anymore.
Next time, also included Stan, a surprise for Richie but it wasn’t his weed to decide who to share. Stan spent most of his time rolling his eyes at him and Eddie about whatever they were bickering about at the moment, but when both of them were high, it was almost as if they were switched. Stan being the most talkative out of the three of them, Beverly being the one that actually tried to reply, while Richie wanted to be left alone with his mind at blank for once.
It wasn’t a group thing, not really.
Bill tried it once, definitely to please Beverly, Richie thought, but he got paranoid halfway through the high and neither of them were put together enough to do a decent job to make him feel calm other than slurred out words, they just resigned on a group hug until Bill calmed down.
But Eddie was a surprise.
“You sure you aren’t going to cough up a lung or some shit?” Richie raised his eyebrow at Eddie, trying to pass it up as a joke, as if he wasn’t worried about him. Everyone figured out Eddie’s asthma wasn’t so much actual asthma as much as just anxiety about literally everything that his mom had planted on his head through the years before he did, but that didn’t mean Richie was going to let himself be put at risk.
“As if you weren’t the one that tried to throw my inhaler away, dick,” Eddie snapped at him, his tone feisty but his eyebrows were furrowed and his hands on his hips, a pose too familiar to Richie from the times before puberty decided to hit them, he was only missing the fanny packs. And the shorts, definitely the shorts, Richie thought.
“You were using it as a crutch,” Richie said pointedly, “Be nice, Eds. I still remember how you almost cried –“
“I wasn’t crying!”
“Because we were smoking without you,” Richie snorted, pulling the joint out of the pocket of his shirt.
“I only said you left us out,” Eddie threw himself on the hammock, his legs dangling on the side, growth spurt wasn’t something Eddie really got benefited with as opposed to Richie, so even if he barely fit, he did better than him.
“I didn’t hear Ben or Mike whining,” Richie said, trying to look away, not needing to remember how Eddie’s legs felt pressed against his jeans during those years.
“That’s because Bill scared them out,” Eddie tried to sound annoyed, as if he wasn’t freaking out himself about what he was about to do. Out of all of them, Eddie avoided getting drunk at all costs, mostly out of the fear of a hangover, mostly out of the fear of saying anything incriminating about himself or someone else, so he just took care of the rest.
Richie was having his own mental freak out at the moment, it was his first time smoking without Beverly, that wasn’t what worried him, he learned from her how to make a decent joint and things never really went catastrophically bad during their sessions. But Beverly was different, she didn’t expect much from him other than to make her laugh or to shut up when they were high and he only expected for her to bring food along and to laugh whenever he managed to make a joke.
Eddie was the person who constantly got to his nerves, when they were younger he was this ball of contained rage, constantly cursing out and shaking whenever he got pissed off, he had learned to control that, at least Eddie claimed he did. But Richie knew just what to say to make his eye twitch the same way it did before he would just spew the first curse word he could think of, like he did years before. Despite that, he was always near, which is what made Richie feel like he was going to lose his head. Always near enough to grab his hand, press their arms together, and feel his skin against his.
The older they got the less frequently they touched each other, unless the purpose was to get the other one annoyed but whenever they hung out in dark enough places, Eddie always pressed his arm closer to Richie’s, his hand found a way to at least graze his, he didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose or he was that oblivious, but Richie never felt brave enough to even joke about it, out of fear he would stop.
He only snaps out of it when Eddie throws him one of Bill’s book, a softcover one, to Richie’s luck.
“What the fuck was that for?” Richie turned around, Eddie looking satisfied about getting the attention back to him.
“How many brain cells have you burned already? You spaced out,” Eddie had his hands on his stomach, looking at Richie, patiently but with every intention to keep annoying him if he didn’t just hurry the fuck up.
“You are acting all mighty as if you hadn’t begged for a fucking joint, Eds,” Richie pulled the lighter out of his jeans. “Are you sure then? If it’s too much-“
“Don’t go all soft on me,” Eddie replied, his voice firm but he was sitting up and standing as straight as he could, his hands on his knees, Richie knew he was nervous but he wasn’t going to push it.
Richie took the first hit, trying to be as demonstrative as possible, his throat tickled in the way he was used to by now and his coughing wasn’t as bad as when he started. He blew the smoke out, and passed the joint to Eddie.
“Wait!”, Eddie reached out for his backpack on the ground, he had stopped using his fanny pack years ago but that didn’t mean he didn’t cling to his backpack like he a schoolkid.
“What now? Don’t pussy out on me now,” Richie looked expectantly at Eddie when he pulled out his old inhaler. “Are you shitting me?”
“Shut it, asshole. You never know, what if I have a freak out like Bill?” Eddie held the inhaler in his hands, gripping to it.
“I doubt that piece of crap it’s going to help, does it even work?” Richie tried to pull it out of Eddie’s hand but he pulled back. “Look, we’ll switch. It’s not like I would let you choke your way out here.”
Eddie raised his eyebrows at Richie but didn’t question more, he let Richie take the inhaler and Eddie took the joint between his fingers, eyeing it curiously. Richie threw the lighter at his lap. Eddie had a determined look in his face, but his hands betrayed him, too shaky to properly light it up.
“If Ben didn’t mind us smoking here, he will mind after you burn this place down,” Richie took the lighter from Eddie’s hand and before he could protest, Richie kneeled down in front of him holding the lighter up. “Ready?”
Eddie stared at him, Richie couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but he nodded and put the joint between his lips and Richie lighted it up. As expected, Eddie coughed like crazy, Richie grabbed his hand almost instantly, in fear of having to actually use the inhaler. But a few moments passed and Eddie’s breathing went back to normal, at least he wasn’t coughing anymore but he was breathing heavily.
“You okay there?” Richie realized he was still holding his hand and pulled back as if his skin burned, if Eddie noticed he didn’t say anything but held the joint back at him.
“Was that enough?” Eddie asked, his voice sounded rough. Richie tried to hold back a smile, and looked at the joint in his hand.
“Well, since you smoked half of the fucking thing, yeah, I think you are good to go,” Richie sounded amused.
“Half of it?” Eddie’s voice came out almost as a screech, his eyes wide open.
“Relax, it’s going to be worse if you start freaking out now,” Richie took the lighter from Eddie’s lap and took another hit.
It took a while for it to hit Eddie, he tried to relax but he still looked too stiff, not even laying on the hammock made him look less uncomfortable or expectant. Richie was sitting on the ground, his back to one of the made up pillars, his eyelids started to feel heavy, as they usually did.
“Richie,” Eddie called softly, as opposed to how he sounded earlier.
Richie’s head snapped up worried that Eddie was going to break down as Bill had but Eddie looked as if his body had gone limp and his eyes closed pleasantly.
“Rich-“ Eddie turned so he could face Richie.
“What’s up, Eds?”
“Feels nice,” his eyes closed again, as if it was an extra effort to keep himself alert.
Richie laughed and let his head drop back, before he could allow himself to slip away as he usually did -
“Rich,” Eddie called him again, Richie opened his eyes again waiting for Eddie to talk. “Come here with me.”
“We don’t fit there,” Richie’s words were starting to slur together.
“Yeah, we do,” Eddie scooped over to the side, but it was obvious that unless they were on top of each other, they wouldn’t fit.
“It won’t hold us,” Richie didn’t know why he was putting so many excuses, he knew that given the chance when he wasn’t high he would definitely jump in there just to annoy him, but the things were starting to feel fuzzy and he didn’t know how much of being near Eddie he could handle.
“I’m sure it will hold your skinny ass,” Eddie giggled and stretched out his hand, “Pretty, please.”
And Richie was gone, he was sure that Eddie could hear his heartbeat from his place on the ground over to the hammock but he tried to play it off, Richie tried to sit as calmly as he could but his body sunk into it, almost falling on top of Eddie.
“Wait,” Eddie stood up, grabbing the wooden pillar next to him, trying to hold himself up. Richie was lying fully on the hammock, his legs falling off each side, clearly not being able to fit anymore. Once he was settled, Eddie climbed up again his body curling next to Richie’s side, his face pressed against his shoulder. “That’s’ better.”
Now he was sure Eddie could feel how heavy his breathing had turned and how he could hear his heartbeat loud and clear on his ears. But Eddie looked gone in bliss and Richie knew how much time Eddie spent daily with his guard up, constantly worried, the emotions that bubbled up in him constantly pushed down, waiting to snap, that he couldn’t bring himself to do anything to disturb him.
Richie wasn’t a touchy person, not even when he was high, the time Bev and him decided to smother Bill so he could calm down he only felt as he was holding down a cat that refused to be petted. And when he wasn’t the only person that he came that close to was Eddie. Yeah, most of their touching was when they were bickering with each other, a push, a pinch. That didn’t mean that when danger was near – and it had been with that fucking clown. Richie’s immediate reaction was to pull Eddie near him and every time afterwards he could still feel himself blushing just thinking about it and it made him like a schoolgirl that drew her initials next to her crush’s initials.
Which he had done, once.
Which made him just as fucking whipped as one.