Work Text:
i. my cries are drowning out
han jisung didn't know what to do. he really didn't know what to do. it had been about 10 minutes since he was staring at the ceiling of the room. minho had texted him, very short and predictable, like all the previous ones.
come to my house tonight.
he knew he would eventually go, so there was no point in thinking so much. but it had been the same for months, and jisung didn't know what to do.
"i can feel you thinking from here," hyunjin woke him up from his thoughts.
hwang hyunjin was his roommate and they were very close. too close. hyunjin always made it clear that he was into jisung, but jisung was pretty sure he wasn't the only person because hyunjin was always flirting with anyone without even realizing it.
they became best friends in a short time, jisung called him soulmate because, seriously, there is no way two people could get along so well. which is funny because at first they didn't get along at all.
and hyunjin was right, he was thinking so hard he could feel his head close to a blast any second. he was ready, just needed to get up and go to minho's house for fuck's sake.
"i know you're thinking about him," hyunjin again tried to take him from what seemed to be the beginning of a mental breakdown. "i don't think you should go but you never listen to me anyway."
"i hate that i miss him all the time... it's only been like two days since i saw him and i miss him already." jisung tried to get his thoughts in order by saying it out loud. hyunjin seemed to be thinking now too.
"you know... if everything goes wrong i'll always be here when you get back." hyunjin always reminded him of that. jisung finally stopped staring at the ceiling and faced him who smiled sweetly.
jisung had talked about minho so many times with hyunjin that every situation that happened he could already guess the rest. and he'd already given so much advice that he probably felt like he was talking to the wall at this point. jisung knew this, and he acknowledged all hyunjin's efforts, how much he helped, and how much he continued to offer help.
jisung sighed and got up towards hyunjin who was lying on the other side of the couch. slowly he placed a kiss on his forehead.
"don't wait for me awake." jisung went the door and already knew it would be a long night.
-
so, jisung needed to clarify this...
lee minho doesn't treat him like shit... and that's the problem.
minho actually treats him almost like a boyfriend, but the truth is jisung wasn't his boyfriend and he knew it. he knew that minho slept with other people and minho always made that clear too. but minho treats him well, very well. so much that they just ordered food and were eating together. they had been friends for quite some time too, but it didn't take long before they realized they were attracted to each other. and minho, as the real asshole he is, made him fall in love. the thing was... jisung kind of knew he wasn't the type to have sex with other people without some kind of affection. and falling in love with minho was so easy, so fast that he didn't even realize how deep he was already.
"sungie?", minho called him and, for the second time that day, someone awakened him from some silly thought. and fucking minho, why did he had to call him that as if it had no effect on him.
"yeah?", he tried to smile as he looked at the food they had ordered, he wasn't hungry.
"are you okay?", and no, jisung wasn't completely fine.
"i am," he tried, but minho was not completely convinced. "i'm serious, just thinking about some songs i can't finish."
"hmm," minho sighed and put his hand on jisung's thigh. "i can make you forget those thoughts." and here we go... why was he so surprised? jisung had gone to minho's house just for that, anyway.
and before jisung could say anything minho was already kissing him. jisung didn't care, of course he didn't since he loved kissing minho, and maybe he could take those thoughts away from him, if only for a moment. only temporarily he would forget that minho was not his.
jisung kissed him back, losing himself in his taste. god, he missed him. he tasted like heaven. and to jisung's misfortune, minho was an amazing kisser. so everytime minho kissed him he felt like he was addicted to him and he wanted more.
"let me make you feel good, baby", god, he hated that minho treated him like that. it would be so much easier if he just used jisung, since he already felt that way most nights. but, when minho talked to him like he cared... jisung felt like he was blind and his head could only think about how much he loved when minho fucked him and how much he really loved him.
minho held and carried him to his room, kissing him the whole time. but his mouth soon went down, and his hands touched jisung everywhere. his moans, it was like a lullaby to jisung and he couldn't help it.
jisung thought his life was a joke because minho was a dancer, so his every move seemed calculated to end him. he wanted to have minho, he wanted to watch him dance just for him. he wanted to yell at minho and tell him how much of a tease he was and how he dare play with his feelings that way. and yeah... that was pretty much it. minho fucked him, nice and slow, like every other time they did that. which was almost every night.
they say that kissing during sex is intimate and it is for jisung. but guess what... minho loves kissing him during sex, it is almost annoying. they don't always fuck like this, this time seemed particularly different and jisung was anxious.
once again, for the third time that night, he was lost in his thoughts. minho was already sleeping on his side and jisung... jisung didn't know what to do again. he should just sleep in his bed like always but he knew that in the morning minho wouldn't be holding him, minho had no feelings for him and he needed to end it. that would be the last time.
minho doesn't treat him like shit, but jisung feels like shit. he knew he was being weak, after all minho never promised him anything. in the morning it was raining, and that didn't fucking help at all. he just wanted the rain to stop, he just wanted his feelings to stop. he would do anything to just stop. he needed to get a car and leave minho's house and get away from him. he needed to cry until he realized that this was all his fault for falling in love so easily.
he needed, and quickly, to understand that he was the only one when minho was alone and only when he was completely alone.
ii. too much thinking
when jisung arrived home, hyunjin was already waiting for him, as if he knew or felt what had happened. maybe it's a soulmate thing.
he hugged him so tight and jisung collapsed crying. he couldn't take it anymore, he thought he could, but not anymore.
hyunjin led him to the couch and hugged him even tighter. you're okay, you're with me now. he repeted like a mantra until it entered jisung's head. they stayed like this for a long time until jisung calmed down. he admired hyunjin's patience, it was something he would never know how to repay.
"i'll punch him," hyunjin said quietly, almost as if talking to himself. "i'm going to punch him so hard that he will realize what an asshole he is." jisung laughed, hyunjin sounded so genuine it warmed his heart.
"he did nothing wrong," jisung tried to soften the situation and convince himself that he was overreacting. "literally, he did nothing. we did the same, like every other time. maybe the problem is me."
"of course he did, he treats you like a toy and that's something i can't accept. that you can't accept, look at me sungie..." hyunjin put his hands on jisung's face. again the nickname, he is so weak when they call him that and he doesn't even know why. any affection warms his heart, and hyunjin himself had the abilit of making jisung finally understand that everything was going to be all right.
jisung looked and he wanted to cry again. why couldn't he fall in love with someone like hyunjin? why couldn't he fall in love with hyunjin? it would be so easy. hyunjin was perfect, a heart of gold, probably the prettiest face he'd ever seen, his lips distracted anyone. but his heart always wants minho. so fuck the heart for always complicating everything. "you can't, i won't let him do this to you," hyunjin said so sincerely that jisung had no doubt.
"i won't let him too. i'll decide what to do, if i talk to him or some shit, just... it hurts." jisung confessed and held hyunjin's hand. they were lying down, jisung was on top of hyunjin and hyunjin held him so lovingly. this was probably his favorite place. whenever something was wrong hyunjin took care of jisung.
hyunjin stared at him. and jisung stared back.
"sungie... do you trust me?", and jisung knew the answer to that question immediately, but he took his time.
"i do, you know that", and that was the confirmation hyunjin needed. he licked his lips and jisung knew what he was going to do. and he wanted that. he wanted to know if anyone could make him feel as good as minho makes him feel.
hyunjin ran his fingers over jisung's face and his lips until he finally gave him a little kiss, testing if there was anything wrong with doing that. jisung wanted more than anything to find out if he could fall in love with someone else, if there was the slightest chance that he could fall in love with someone else. so, he kissed hyunjin again, demonstrating that he wanted it. and hyunjin understood, taking the course of the kiss and letting jisung in.
it was good, very good. how could he not like it? hyunjin was a masterpiece that no one could deny. and of course, there was nothing he did that he was bad at.
"you're so pretty and i hate to see you like this," hyunjin said now kissing his cheek, his nose, his neck. he filled jisung with kisses until he could feel loved. "he really doesn't deserve you if he can't realize how amazing you are."
"just kiss me, please," jisung wanted to let hyunjin do whatever he wanted with him. they were best friends but he knew that with hyunjin things would never change no matter what they did. and hyunjin kissed him, eager this time. his hands roamed jisung's back. his tongue roamed jisung's mouth. god, hyunjin's lips were something he couldn't explain. they kissed and kissed and kissed for what seemed like hours.
when hyunjin pulled back his lips were swollen and jisung looked like he had run a marathon.
"i've always wanted to do that, nothing you didn't already know. but it's my way of saying that i love you sungie, and you're beautiful, so beautiful. and you deserve the whole world, i really care about you," jisung smiled, he knew all that. he hated that his heart always won, because his logic told him to just stay with hyunjin.
"i love you more than you know. thank you, jinnie." jisung kissed him once more, slowly holding his face.
"thank you for what? kiss you? my pleasure." hyunjin smirked.
"not just for that, idiot. for everything." they hugged again, hyunjin stroked his hair and jisung felt at peace.
"if you and him don't solve all this shit, i'll just kill him. very fast and no one will know." jisung smiled again.
"so violent all of a sudden," he joked. but jisung had made up his mind. he needed to talk to minho. moving away from him would only break his heart into even more pieces. he has to face it.
iii. it's you (minho's pov)
okay, minho knew he had fucked up. he wasn't stupid and he wasn't going to lie… he had realized the way jisung looked at him sometimes. so all right, maybe he was a jerk to keep calling him to just fuck.
he felt so lost that he had called changbin to talk. but to his unhappiness, he reacted just as minho himself.
you're an idiot. you're an idiot and you can't accept that you're in love with someone for the first time in your life.
and changbin never lies.
so now he was desperate and he resorted to one more person who might perhaps deny all this... chan. but it was worse.
you have to stop it. if you still have a chance in this situation, talk to him. but i don't know how you will be able to explain all the bullshit you did and are doing.
you're not a little boy anymore, minho. accept and deal with your feelings rather than running away from them.
and chan is always right.
so okay, he was screwed and needed to talk to jisung, but he didn't know if jisung wanted to hear him. fuck, he loved that boy. it's the truth and minho needed to admit it to himself. he no longer enjoyed sleeping with other people, but he could not express his feelings correctly.
being friends with jisung was wonderful, but maybe he was a horrible friend because how much he wanted that boy wasn't normal. and he felt different the first time they kissed and had sex.
but minho was still confused about his feelings. this has never happened before and minho just couldn't handle it. so he kept doing what he could do best, call the boy so he could kiss him, feel him. minho loved to kiss jisung, so much that it overwhelmed him.
minho had woken up that morning and jisung was no longer in his bed. and okay, he deserved that, after all he'd done the same thing so many times. but this loneliness consumed minho, he didn't want it that way. he wanted everything from jisung.
so this time instead of calling jisung to his house, he decided to come to him (after thinking four days in a row about everything and almost losing his mind).
but to improve the wonderful situation he was in, hyunjin opened the door. and he was not happy to see minho there.
"look...", but before minho could explain hyunjin closed the door leaving them alone outside. and for a moment he feared that hyunjin would just press him into the wall and fill him with punches.
"if you're here just to be an asshole and hurt him more you can just walk away," hyunjin looked very serious with his arms crossed and minho wasn't easily intimidated by people.
"i am not! i'm here to explain myself," minho raised his hands as if surrendering. seriously, all he wanted was to talk to jisung. "i know i did shit, just let me fix this, please."
hyunjin wasn't happy yet and seemed to want to discuss more. but he only sighed after a while and opened the door again. minho followed him slowly, unsure if he could even do that.
he entered scanning the place carefully. it was comfortable, they seemed to have the apartment well maintained, despite some things out of place here and there. hyunjin walked to jisung, who was on the couch with a pillow over his lying body. they seemed to be lying together watching something on tv.
"you have company," hyunjin said to jisung, who was surprised to see minho at his house. "i'll go to seungminnie's house, call me if anything happens," he said to jisung and in the last part faced minho again. "anything at all," and so he took his coat and gave one last look at jisung who just nodded positively.
hyunjin slammed the door so hard that minho almost jumped.
jisung got up from the couch sighing and minho missed him. he missed him so much he felt he could cry.
"i'm sorry i left that night without warning," jisung said avoiding looking directly at him and that was like a punch in minho's face. so much shit he did and yet jisung apologized. that wasn't right.
"no, jisung. look... don't do this, you don't have to apologize for anything, it's me! i..." he approached slowly and sat next to jisung. he didn't even know where to start. "i owe you an apology. i've been a jerk and...", minho sighed, he didn't know how to say the things he meant. he just wanted to put his heart out.
"i'm sorry sungie, i'm sorry if i've made you feel just like a quick fuck to me," minho felt his throat dry, he feels so anxious and his hands are sweating, he wanted to say the right things. he needed to say the right things. "i don't deserve you, i really don't deserve you. you are always so good to me and i could never tell you everything i want to say. i never showed how much i care about you or how much i really like you. i never felt this way before, the things i feel about you are different and i didn't know how to react, what to do or even if you felt the same." now that minho had started he didn't know how to stop, he needed to say everything.
"but i never meant to hurt you, please know that. and i'm sorry if i didn't make up my mind before. i... i love you jisung, and i know i don't deserve your forgiveness but i really wanted you to know that i love you and that i'm sorry. i'm sorry for being selfish and i'm sorry if i'm late."
jisung was looking at minho and he was... crying. minho had tears in his eyes too, everything he felt for the boy overwhelmed him. jisung was thinking and running his hands over his face trying not to cry anymore.
"you're a fucking idiot, you know," and minho had to laugh.
"i've been told..." and jisung laughed too. minho missed that laugh, even though it was sadder now.
"i just didn't want to be so in love with you, so i owe you an apology too. you never wanted to date, you never searched for a boyfriend and yet i allowed myself to fall in love with you. sorry, i didn't predict that.." minho was almost annoyed, why jisung had to be the purest person in this world?
"jisung, i didn't predict that either. fuck, i'm the last person that could have guessed. you don't have to apologize, baby. i'm the only idiot in this history." minho carefully placed his hands on jisung's face and wiped his tears with his fingers. "i really hope you can forgive me, you are so pretty and i hate the fact that even now, apologizing, i make you cry."
"it's okay, it's tears of relief. i really thought for a second it was just sex for you, but i'm relieved it's not the case. just... you amaze me sometimes. and i can't read you. i'm good with a lot of things, i can write a thousand songs, i can write a thousand stories, i'm great at listening to people, i'm great at hiding what i'm feeling too. but with you, it was complicated. i mean... i never knew what you really wanted from me. but i think you didn't know either. you were not and are not good at reading your feelings and that's fine. i'm not an expert either. we can find out together.” and jisung held his hand. minho couldn't believe how lucky he was.
"i want you to be my fucking boyfriend... i mean, if you want. i want to have three cats with you. i want to be by your side and be better for you. you always woke up the best in me, i'm sorry i didn't realize it before. will you be my boyfriend, jisung? i know i don't deserve, and even if i wanted i couldn't tell everything i feel about you, but will you be my only one?"
jisung was laughing and crying. minho was no better. they were so stupid.
and then jisung kissed him and minho felt like he could fly. how hadn't he noticed before? how could someone not fall in love with han jisung? everything was so clear now that he felt stupid for not having even proposed to him yet.
"you didn't say yes and i'm starting to freak out," minho said laughing when jisung pulled back. he was laughing too. he was so beautiful.
"i thought kissing you was enough but yes, lee minho. i'll be your boyfriend, baby. i love you." and minho was so happy. he would take that chance and make the best of it.
jisung kissed him over and over and minho was so overwhelmed. he loved jisung's taste and he couldn't get enough. he loved everything about jisung, he wanted to sleep every day in the same bed as him. he wanted to give everything to jisung.
minho wanted to touch jisung until he realized he was his eternal bliss.