Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Run. Find him. Before they do.

I forced myself to run faster past the trees that hung over me with dark speckled leaves, to find Tye faster.

I had just come home from the mines hardly two minutes ago, and Dad had told me that Tye was going to talk to his "friends".

And even if Dad may not know what that meant, I most certainly did. I've made it my business to know what that meant for at least four years now.

And it meant that Tye was in deep shit.

Again.

"Guys, come on, please!" I heard my brother's voice ring out to the right of me, right behind where the Hob used to be before it was burned down a few months ago. "I told you, I can get you the money in two days' time!"

Damn it.

I made a sharp right, crashing through the last clump of trees and into the back alley behind the now dark and ashy pile of rubble, making everyone's eyes jump to me.

I pulled myself up to my full height of five foot one as I looked around, seeing three guys of about eighteen years of age corralling one of my sixteen-year-old brothers into a corner.

The three guys were tall, at least over six feet, and they were all built stockily with honey-blonde hair, meaning they weren't from the Seam.

I looked past them and met Tye's eyes, giving him a look that said get the hell out of here now.

Tye took my advice in an instant, dodging past the guys and I and disappearing into the woods in a flash.

"What's going on here?" I asked mildly, folding my arms over my chest and raising an eyebrow at the three guys.

"We were just having ourselves another little chat with you brother, Variance," said the one in the middle, who I recognized as Ryder Thread, the son of the new head Peacekeeper we'd had for about a month now. "And we don't appreciate you saving his scrawny little ass every time."

I smiled at him sweetly. "I guess that's just what I do."

"Shut up, Variance," Ryder snapped, glaring at me with eyes full of dark anger. "We're sick and tired of both of you getting off scott-free on everything because you and your worthless father have won the Games."

I felt anger spike through my system, but I tamped it back down again.

Calm, Variance. Rational. That's you, remember? You're a mother now. You can't go picking fights all the time.

"Yeah, someone has to start paying for what we've done for your brother." Now it was Carter Thread who was speaking, the one with longer, shaggier hair.

The other guy, I'm pretty sure his name was Tanner Crawford, had come around while I was distracted and was now standing behind me while Ryder and Carter continued advancing on me.

Shit. Not now, the Capitol broadcasting is soon and I'd promised Katniss I would be there.

Of course, I had also hoped to avoid a fight at all. And I also kind of had to watch the Capitol broadcast as it was required of every citizen of Panem.

My heart began to beat faster in my chest, but I kept my face impassive and raised an eyebrow at Ryder.

"Are you sure you want to do this, boys?" I asked with a quiet, barely contained anger clearly present in my voice.

"I'm sure we want to...do this." Ryder drawled, looking me up and down with a dark look in his eyes and a smirk on his face.

Ugh. I'd nearly forgotten how awfully immature eighteen-year-old boys can be.

Already my mind was racing ahead of everything, analyzing how close the three guys were and calculating what I'd have to do to get out of this situation, just like I had to do to survive during the Games.

Just as Tanner put his hand on the skin of my back above my dirty dark grey tank top, I jammed my elbow backwards into his gut, then snapped my fist up to punch his face and then down to punch his groin.

Yeah. I play the hard way in times like this.

Tanner ducked down with a curse and I kicked backwards, knocking him onto his ass while simultaneously throwing a punch straight at Carter's face, hearing the crunch of bone under my fingers. By the time I'd gotten to the two of them, Ryder was ready and waiting with a punch to my face that landed with a crack! and made me see stars.

I tried to shake it off and ducked under a punched thrown by Tanner, kicking out my leg to trip up Carter, who fell back on his face in a second, with a cry of pain.

The whole time I was fighting, I was thinking about nothing and everything at the same time; it was something I'd had to learn in the Hunger Games the hard way. I could think about every fighting option and at the same time my mind will become almost completely blank, not a stray thought in it.

I jumped to the side, barely missing a kick aimed for my ribs but suffering a punch to the back of my head because of that move.

Gritting my teeth, I stopped Ryder's fist in midair and twisted it around until his arm was behind his back at an awkward angle. Then I punched him in the head twice before I was jerked away from behind.

My arms were wrenched behind my back roughly, and I could feel my left one pop out of its socket. Pain flashed behind my eyes like a bright white light. I was kicked in the back of my knees, making me drop down on the dirt road with a barely audible hiss of pain.

Either Tanner or Carter grabbed a fist full of my red hair and yanked my head back far enough to see Ryder standing up and walking back towards me, spitting a small white tooth out onto the road as he came. "You little bitch," he snapped, stopping right in front of me and taking my chin in his hand as if to inspect my face.

I glared up at him with hatred, feeling the other boys' hands tighten around my arms restrictively as they held me captive.

Get your hands off of me! I wanted to scream- though I knew it would make no difference.

Ryder smirked darkly. "Before I let the boys have their fun, you need to be taught a lesson."

"Who's teaching?" I countered bitingly, trying to wrestle my arms away from Carter and Tanner and failing. "Surely not you, you couldn't teach a deer why they have to run from a hunter you're so thick."

Ryder made a "oh-I'm-so-hurt" face. "Ooooh...strong words for a woman who has eight younger brothers and sisters, a worthless drunk of a father, and not to mention a husband and newborn daughter, isn't that right?"

No! The bastard!

I fought at my captors even harder, my teeth bared in anger and frustration when I found I couldn't get away. "You stay away from them! All of them, you hear me?"

"Oooh...I seem to have struck a nerve." Ryder's smirk widened and then he swung his fist back and punched me full in the face, twice. I saw stars again and I could feel blood fill the inside of my mouth.

Ryder crouched down in front of me again and I saw two of him through bleary eyes. "And you know that what you just did was wrong, don't you, Variance?"

Feeling raw hatred flowing through me, I spat a glob of blood on his face, then smirked at him before speaking in a singsong voice. "Oops, looks like I'm going to hell."

Ryder wiped my blood off of his face with one angry swipe of his hand. He leaned close to my ear while Tanner and Carter pulled my arms back tighter, making me wince. "By the time we're done with you, there won't be a hell close enough for you to drag your sorry ass to."

We'll see about that.

I smiled sweetly over gritted teeth. "As long as I get to kick your ugly ass down to hell, I don't even give a damn."

I heard a dark chuckle from Tanner as Ryder stood up and took a couple steps back, as if he was trying not to lose his temper. "That was the wrong thing to say, Abernathy. Now you're in for it."

In for it. Yeah, I know I am. Where the hell is Tye with help?

I blew a piece of red hair out of my face impatiently just before Ryder turned back around and punched me in the gut, hard. I forced my teeth to stay shut, so instead of yelling in pain, only a grunt managed to come out of my throat.

Loud laughter rang in my ears as I felt another punch connect with my stomach, then another, and another, and another...

It went on for so long that I basically blocked out the pain or became numb, I'm not sure which one or even when.

All I could keep thinking was that I hadn't told my baby that I loved her yet today. And if this was going to happen, I wasn't sure if I would be able to.

I got to the point that I was coughing up blood. Still I didn't cry out for help.

While Ryder punched me in the gut and face repeatedly, Tanner and Carter were kicking and punching my back and arms, even my ribs, which I'd heard a few of them snap.

And still I didn't cry out for help.

I knew that if I did that, these guys would move on to those I cared about most; my family. And even though I knew that Dad and Brandon would kill me for playing the martyr, I did anyways because I cared more about the safety of my family than what the two of them thought.

I have no idea how long it actually went on for, whether it was ten minutes or an hour, but all of a sudden it just stopped.

My brain was all foggy. What...it stopped... 

I was shoved to the ground after one last kick and then I could hear their footsteps running in the direction of town.

There was silence for a moment, in which I didn't even move, for fear of them coming back.

Then-

"Variance? Oh my God, Variance!"

I felt someone roll me over onto my back and I couldn't keep the cry of pain from escaping my lips.

That's not them, right? I thought groggily, looking up for the source of the voice.

Slowly, very, very slowly, a face came into focus. One face...or was it two?

I shut my eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

Well, as deep a breath as one can take with several cracked ribs.

Variance, breath. Focus.

When I re-opened my eyes I was able to discern that there were in fact two people looking down at me, both boys.

The one on the right had curly dark brown hair and dark grey eyes while the one on the left had shortly cropped dark brown hair and the same grey eyes.

Behind their heads I could see that the sky had darkened considerably, the sun just touching the horizon, warning that sunset was only a few minutes away.

A voice was still shouting in my ear. "-Variance! Variance, can you hear me?"

I groaned, trying to muster the strength to sit up and failing. My head would have fallen onto the dirt road, but one of the boys caught it in his hand and supported my neck. "Yes, I can hear you, Tye." I said faintly, feeling a bit of blood bubbling over my lips, running over the already-dried blood on my chin and neck.

"Oh, thank God." Tye said, dropping his head onto my stomach and gripping my hand tightly. "You scared us half to death! I'm so sorry, Ri, I am so so so so so sorry, you have no idea-"

"Tye. Shut up." I said to my brother with more strength in my voice as his twin, Alex, helped me into a sitting position while still supporting my head with the palm of his hand. "We need to get to the house. Now."

There would be time to tend to injuries and to possibly accept apologies, but now was most certainly not that time.

Tye looked around and seemed to realize how late it was getting. He caught on quickly and helped Alex pull me to my feet.

I hissed through gritted teeth as my brothers put my arms over their shoulders, feeling and hearing my battered body's protests. It also didn't help that they were both nearly a foot taller than me, despite them being nearly nine years younger than me.

My thoughts were jumbled at that point, and went something like this:

Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow-stop!-owowowow-it's dark we nee to be getting home-owowowowow-what if the Peacekeepers catch us?-owowowow...

You get the idea. I was just a great big bundle of worry and pain at that moment, which wouldn't be of use to anyone.

At the first step, I had to bury my face in Alex's side to keep from shouting, biting my tongue hard enough to draw fresh blood in my mouth.

Nonononononono....

"Variance, you can do this." Alex said quietly, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "You have to do this. Come on, one foot in front of the other, Ri, you got this."

I winced, hearing my own advice repeated back to me.

Come on Variance. Time to nut up or forever shut up. Let's go.

I steeled myself and then nodded tersely. "But you two do know that we have to cross through town to get to Victor's Village, right?"

"Shit." Alex and Tye swore softly as they realized that I was right.

We were in the back alleys of the Seam, near where the Hob used to be, which is on the opposite end of District 12 from Victor's Village. So we had to go through the main center of town to get there.

Which didn't used to be a problem, but ever since we'd gotten a new Head Peacekeeper by the name of Romulus Thread, the security has become more...well, more like actual security.

They have Peacekeepers roaming the streets at all times now, doubling the amount at night. And the fences are always electrified now. Which makes District 12 like a prison to everyone who lives here.

We were used to being able to come and go almost anywhere, to do as we pleased for the most part, and now we couldn't for fear of being whipped or worse, hanged. Gale Hawthorne had been whipped in the square for attacking a Peacekeeper who was being rough with a woman from town. I still remember that, and it had not been pretty.

And now my sixteen-year-old twin brothers and I had to find a way to cross town without being seen.

Because if we got caught, we would all get whipped, even me in my injured state. Thread wouldn't give a damn.

And I'll be damned before I let my brothers get hurt.

"Okay," I said quietly but firmly, even as my body ached beyond belief just because I was breathing. "Here's what we're going to do."

Chapter Text

"Go, go, go!" I whisper-yelled at Alex and Tye, holding open the front door to Dad's house for them while keeping an eye on the back of the Peacekeeper that was at the edge of Victor's Village, as if to make sure no one from town could get to us.

We'd decided to head for Dad's house since it was closer than mine, Katniss's, or Peeta's, and a good thing we had.

I'd never seen a Peacekeeper outside of Victor's Village and it had me worried.

What were they planning?

Tye and Alex sprinted into the house and I shuffled in behind them as quickly as I could, shutting the door behind me as quietly as possible.

We'd managed to get across town by throwing a few fist-sized rocks in the opposite direction, creating a noise that the Peacekeepers ran after. We were then able to cross town without being seen.

Once the door was shut and I'd thrown the bolt home, I could feel my head get lighter as I coughed up another handful of blood and nearly fell over. But luckily Alex and Tye stepped up and propped me back up again.

"Come on, Tye, take her into the kitchen." Alex instructed as the two of them pulled my arms over their shoulders again.

The two of my sixteen-year-old brothers helped to drag me out of the foyer and into the kitchen, where they had me lean on the edge of the dark green counter.

Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowoowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....

"Tye, stay here," Alex said, shooting a concerned look at me. "I'll be right back, Ri, okay?"

Tye nodded rapidly and I managed to make a thumbs-up in my brother's general direction, not having the strength to even look up at him.

I could hear footsteps retreating from the room, and it was silent for a minute other than the sound of my ragged breathing.

The other twins were still at the Everdeens' house, so that must have been why it was so quiet.

There was a moment of silence in the kitchen, where the only sound was that of my labored breathing.

Then Tye couldn't seem to restrain himself any longer. "Variance, I am so sorry about this, you have no idea how awful I feel," Tye blurted out from beside me, his voice cracking a few times. "I-"

I held up a shaky, blood-covered hand towards him and he stopped talking immediately.

My breathing was still irregular, coming out in ragged breaths from having to run to the house and from the lack of blood.

"I...I just can't believe...that you would do that...again. D...damn it Tye, haven't you learned at all?" I took a shuddering breath, feeling my strength dwindling as I sank to the floor of the kitchen, leaning on the counter with my eyes beginning to flutter shut. "I...I wish you wouldn't...waste the money....Dad and I nearly lost our lives for on...on drugs...why you feel...the need...to get high...only God knows...but I won't have you doing...this again...do you understand....me? I hope....you...you've learned your lesson...now..."

"Ri, don't close your eyes!" Tye cried urgently, with a voice that was thick and cracking with tears. "Ri, come on, stay with me, Ri! DAD! ALEX! SIMON, SEAN, SAM!!"

My ears were filled with the sound of thundering footsteps.

"We're right here, Tye!" That was Alex's voice.

"Variance!" That was Sean's voice. I heard Samantha's and Simon's gasps fill the room.

"He...hey...guys...I'm...I'm home..." I croaked, feeling blood dripping from my nose down past my chin and not even having the strength to stop it.

" WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!"

I turned my head to the left slightly to take in a tall man standing in the doorway, his mouth agape. His shoulder-length blonde hair was hanging limply, as if it hadn't been washed recently; he must have been holding a bottle in his hands because there was now a pile of smashed glass at his feet; his once-white linen shirt had several large stains and was untucked from his brown pants that looked like they hadn't been ironed in years; but the worst thing to look at were his eyes: his dark grey eyes were filled with the worst mixture of terror and sorrow and anger and love ever imaginable.

"Dad, calm down-" Alex began, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.

"NO, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!" The man roared, starting to walk and bumping into the table as if he hadn't seen it there before "WHAT THE HELL HA-"

"-if you would just listen-"

This is going to get us nowhere.

I took a deep, careful breath and opened my eyes, mustering whatever strength I had left to do what I was about to do.

"-WHO DID THIS TO YOU, DAMN IT?! I'LL TEAR THEM FROM LIMB TO LIMB!!"

"HAYMITCH JOSIAH ABERNATHY!" I shouted loudly enough to get his attention.

He stopped talking and looked at me, seeming affronted that I had interrupted his tirade.

"Now is not the time to be a Goddamn drunkard who's on the war-p-path..now is the time to be a father who's going to help his oldest daughter not d-die!"

Even from that small shout I saw spots in front of my eyes and I coughed weakly, pressing my fingers to my lips to hide as much of the blood from the twelve-year-old triplets as possible.

A single tear fell from my eye as my dad just stood there and stared at me, dumbstruck. "Dad...please...please..."

Dad stood still for a second, but the next thing I knew he was beside me, holding me gently as he whispered in my ear, "I'm here, Variance. I'll always be here for you. I promise."

I remember trying to smile, and then the sound of scared shouts were filling my ears as my eyes fell shut.

Chapter Text

"This is your fault!"

"If you had actually been there for me, then maybe then this never would have happened!"

"And now, for the boys. Brandon Cronin!"

"I VOLUNTEER!"

"To our two tributes, Calvin Cronin and Variance Abernathy!"

"Quite a young girl, that one..."

"Not going to put all my eggs in a basket for that little thing..."

"She got a score of a five, that's the lowest we've seen in years..."

"Come here, you little baby. Don't worry. I'll kill you faster than you can say 'Daddy'."

"You leave her alone!"

"No, Calvin, NO!"

"You survive. Get back to my brother. Tell him he owes me."

"NOOOOOOO!!!"

"And the winner of the Sixty-third Hunger Games is...Variance Abernathy!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry that you had to go through that. I'll protect you, sweetheart. I'll always be there for you. I promise."

"I never asked for him to save me, Brandon please-"

"Get away from me! And stay away!"

"Maybe you should spend less time being a kiss-up and more time being a father."

"How dare you speak like that..."

"God, stop being so stubborn!"

"Dad, stop it! Just stop!"

"Where's Mommy?"

"She's...she's gone to heaven, Samantha. She's not here."

"No! You're lying!" 

 

"I'm their father, and now that your mother is gone, I'll decide what's best-"

"You were never here, and neither was Mom, and you know that just as well as I do! So stop trying to be something you're not!"

"Ri...where's Daddy?"

"I don't know, Simon. Sweetheart, I don't know. I just don't know."

My mind was like a foggy, hazy image.

I could hear voices surrounding me, but I couldn't pick any of them out in particular nor could I determine if they were real or just in my head.

I could feel my head turning from side to side, as if I was trying to wake myself up, or to open my eyes. But it was a while before I could tune in on anything anyone said or move any part of my body at all.

When I could, I heard a male voice saying something urgently and insistently, as if they were worried, and then a female voice responding in a much more calm, orderly manner, as if they were trying to calm the man down.

"I just don't understand, why isn't she waking up yet?"

That was Brandon's, my husband's, voice.

"Brandon, please, calm down. You're going to make Nina begin to fuss. Variance lost a lot of blood, you need to give her a little while, it will take some time for her to be able to wake up."

And that was Mrs. Everdeen's voice.

I was beginning to realize that I wasn't at my house...I had a feeling I was at the Everdeens', but why I would be there I had no clue.

Then I felt a bandage being wound tightly around my midsection and I hissed in pain, wincing as my back arched almost involuntarily.

Oh. That's why I'm at the Everdeens'.

The memories of everything that had happened- the run, the confrontation, the fight- came flooding back to me along with the pounding pain that I began to feel all over my body.

"She moved! Did you see that, she moved!" Brandon's voice grew a bit louder in my ears.

"Brandon, give the baby to Prim," Mrs. Everdeen's voice instructed, and I could almost picture her rolling her eyes.

I tried to force my own eyes open at the same time as I tried to speak out loud, to let them know that I was awake and that I could hear them.

I could feel my lips pulling apart, dry as bones, and I opened my mouth to ask for a drink of water.

But what came out was:

"I guess it'd be a bit of a stretch to say I fell down the stairs?"

I heard Brandon let out a small noise, maybe it was meant to be a laugh, but it sounded more like a strangled sob.

I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head to the left even more slowly if that's possible, as I knew my head would hurt like hell.

When my sight came into focus, I saw a man standing beside me with dark brown hair, so dark that it was almost black, and clear blue eyes that were filled with concern and love and worry.

"Variance?" He whispered hoarsely, leaning down to look me in the eyes. "My God, you really are awake."

I smiled up at him gently. "Of course I am, Cronin. I can't sleep forever, you know that."

Brandon leaned down and gave me a lingering kiss on the forehead, looking as if he was trying to hold back tears. "Variance. Do me a favor. Don't ever do that to me again." He took in a shaky breath. "You did it to me once, when you were in the Games. This is the second time. Please, not again."

I reached out and took Brandon's hand in mine, threading my fingers through his as I met his eyes seriously. "I promise you that I will not recklessly put myself in danger. Okay?"

Brandon sighed, knowing that I knew that that was not what he had asked me to promise.

"I'd just go with it, Brandon. I think that's about the best you're going to get out of her." Gale grinned from where he stood by the kitchen cabinets, leaning on the counter beside Katniss.

Brandon rolled his eyes at his friend. "Thanks Gale, because encouraging her helps so much." He turned back to look at me again. "Do you remember what happened?"

I grimaced and nodded slightly, then shook my head, letting him understand that I was in no mood to discuss it now.

"Ouch," I muttered, feeling my muscles scream in protest as I sat up carefully, letting Brandon help prop me up as I could tell I was still very weak. "If this is one of those things that is going to hurt more in the morning, I'm in deep trouble."

Mrs. Everdeen shook her head at my sarcasm and picked up an large grey shirt from the counter behind her. "Here," she said, helping put my arms through the sleeves, "you can use this until you're better enough to go home and change."

I was about to ask her when that might be when I heard the pitter-patter of little feet running into the kitchen.

"Ri, Ri, you're awake now!" Caleb grinned up at me with his bright green eyes peeking out from under his little blonde curls.

Cameron ran over to the side of the kitchen table upon which I was still sitting and hugged my left leg tightly. "You were asleep for a long time, Ri. You missed seeing Kat in her pretty dresses!" He giggled in his little kid voice along with his twin.

I mock-gasped. "Did I? Oh no, that's terrible! Well, you'll have to tell me for yourself. Was she pretty?"

Caleb and Cameron nodded rapidly before glancing at Katniss and bursting into another fit of giggles.

I patted my two little brothers on the head, smiling fondly. "You guys are adorable, you know that?"

This just caused more giggles to escape from my brothers, but then Prim rushed into the room, her two braids swinging madly behind her.

"Mom! Katniss! The Capitol program isn't over! There's more we're supposed to watch!" She managed to say, flicking her eyes over to me and Gale and back to Katniss.

What? I thought that was all there was?

"Oooh, goody. I didn't manage miss it all then, did I?" I said sarcastically, leaning on Brandon's arm lightly as I eased myself off of the table.

I somehow managed to stay standing, God knows how. The pain was with me every time I breathed, every time I moved, every time I spoke.

And I had a feeling I'd be like this for a while.

"Variance, I'm not sure that you should be walking this soon-" Mrs. Everdeen began tentatively, but I gave her one look and she stopped.

She knew how much pain I had suffered even before this most recent encounter, and she knew better than to try and stop me.

"Well, let's all go to the living room then, shall we?" Mrs. Everdeen said briskly. "I have a feeling that this is going to be the reading of the card."

I knew that the 75th Hunger Games wasn't for a few more months yet, so I was feeling very paranoid as to why we had to watch something from the Capitol tonight.

And Katniss's wedding dresses was just a cover-up, of that I was sure.

But what was President Snow's true motive?

And what did the Peacekeeper outside of Victor's Village mean? Did it have anything to do with this?

I shook myself as I gingerly lowered myself on the ground in front of Brandon, leaning my back on his knees as he sat on the couch between Gale and Mrs. Everdeen.

Prim came over and handed me Nina then.

My small, beautiful baby girl was fast asleep, her blue eyes shut and her little chubby cheeks puffing out with each breath.

She was nine months old as of three days ago, and she was getting great big tufts of curly red hair sprouting all over her tiny little head.

Nina was mine and Brandon's pride and joy. I don't know what we'd do if anything ever happened to her.

"Thank you, Prim," I said warmly, holding Nina tightly against my chest and giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead.

Then I heard Katniss swear under her breath and looked up at the television screen.

President Snow was on the stage, giving us a history lesson on the Dark Days and the rebellion, as well as the past two Quarter Quells' challenges, from voting on the tributes that had to go into the arena, then to double the tributes, which was the year that Dad won.

"And now," the president continued, his lips upturned in a small smile that didn't reach his icy blue eyes, "we honor our third Quarter Quell."

A small boy looking to about nine or ten years stepped forward in a little white suit, holding a small wooden box.

President Snow takes out a crisp yellow envelope, marked with a large blue 75. He slipped his thumb nail under the flap and pulled out a small square of paper.

"On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

What.

No, that can't be true.

Mrs. Everdeen screamed slightly as her youngest daughter buried her face in her hands, letting out a slight sob.

Gale swore loudly and stood up immediately, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

I held my daughter against my chest tightly, feeling tears springing in the back of my eyes as Brandon leaned his head against the back of my neck, his arms looping around me and Nina as a few tears dripped onto my arm from his face.

"No. NO. NO!" Katniss gasped through her tears. She wrenched at her hair slightly before turning and sprinting out of the house.

"Why? Why is he doing this to us?" Brandon whispered as a few more tears fell down my face.

"I don't know. I don't know Brandon. I wish I knew." I held onto my family and stayed in place.

Because I had no idea how much longer I would be able to hold onto my family.

There was a chance I would be going back in the arena.

And this time I didn't know that I'd be making it out alive.

Chapter Text

I had just started to believe that maybe I could have happiness in my life.

And now President Snow had taken that from me too.

Because even if I don't get sent back into the arena, I will have to watch Katniss go in and possibly die, as well as Peeta or Dad, and not to mention my friends among the victors of the other districts like Johanna Mason and Cecelia.

After what seemed like ages of me sitting still, holding and being held by my husband and daughter, I gently passed Nina off to Brandon, giving him a kiss on the cheek before standing up carefully.

"Ri," Brandon said hoarsely, "where are you going?"

Not only could I hear the pain in his voice, I could see it in his blue eyes, the same way I was feeling; we had finally had all that we wanted and then it was wrenched from our grasp.

I rested my hand on his shoulder for a moment, my gaze caught on Caleb and Cameron, who had long since fallen asleep on the couch behind Brandon and I after crying without knowing why.

Who's going to take care of them?

"I'm going to talk to Dad, okay?" I managed to say to Brandon, while trying to keep my tears from re-surfacing. "I'll meet you at home?"

Brandon nodded numbly, hugging me around the waist while he was sitting down.

Yeah. That's how short I am compared to how tall he is.

I looked over at Mrs. Everdeen, who was standing and hugging Prim tightly, staying almost completely still. But she seemed to know that I was looking at her, and she opened her eyes to meet mine.

"Leave the boys here," she whispered in a trembling voice, "I'll take care of them tonight, and you can come over in the morning."

God, I can't let Katniss go back in that arena.

I nodded, feeling my jaw convulse almost of it own accord. Then I turned to the side, taking a few shaky steps towards the front door.

"Gale...it's going to be okay...I promise," I said softly, gently resting a hand on his shoulder as he leaned against the door frame to the kitchen, from where he hasn't moved for at least a hour. "I'm not going to let anything happen to Katniss."

Gale turned to look at me, his eyes dark with grief and pain, his face pale. "How? Just how are you going to do that, Variance? Snow has made it quite clear that not one of us is safe from him. Not one! He can do whatever the hell he wants and none of us- none of us- can stop him!" Now, instead of looking scared and pale, Gale looked like an angry drunkard.

And seeing as how I grew up with one of those as my dad, I knew that the way to get him to calm down would be to yell right back in his face.

So I did just that.

"Gale Hawthorne shut the hell up right now!" I snapped, leaning towards Gale and making him stand with his back to the wall. "I don't need you telling me what Snow can and can't do, I'm well aware of what's he done. But you can bet that I will not let Katniss die. Whether she's a mentor and doesn't go in the arena at all, or if she does enter and I'm the mentor, I can promise you that she will not be hurt. Got it, Hawthorne?"

Gale looked down at me for a moment in shock, as if he couldn't believe I'd blown up at him like that. After a moment though, a tear slipped down his cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered, dragging a hand over his face, as if mortified by what he'd done. "I'm sorry. We should have left when Katniss said."

I shook my head at him sadly. "It wouldn't have made a difference, Gale. I couldn't have left all of my brothers and sisters, so I would still have been going into the Games. Snow would have won either way."

~~~**~~*~~**~~~

"Dad, if you would just listen to me-"

Dad swung the fist enclosing his bottle of liquor in my direction, so wildly that I barely had to step out of his way and grab his arm to twist it behind his back, making him curse at me.

"-DAMN IT, VARIANCE! You're NOT going back in there, do you understand me?!"

So you don't me to go in the arena so I won't get hurt, yet you still throw a punch at me? Figures.

I rolled my eyes and let him go and hobble over to one of the three chairs remaining at the kitchen table at his house.

I'd come over to talk to Dad, and although I had been expecting him to be drunk, I didn't think it would be this bad.

The triplets and the twins had stayed awake to see the Capitol program, and right now they were waiting for me to come and say good-night, even Alex and Tye, who haven't wanted me to kiss them good-night for nearly five years.

But I guess they were thinking the same thing I was- who knew how many chances I would get?

So at the moment I was trying to talk to Dad and Katniss, as she was still here, but I wasn't getting much luck getting through to them.

It also didn't help that Katniss was drunk too.

Katniss took another swig from the bottle my dad had given her and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, her eyes watering slightly as she hiccuped. "Variance, you...you have a family. A family all of your own, I mean. You can't go back into that arena. Ha-" she was interrupted by a rather violent hiccup "-Haymitch and...and I agreed. That if I vol-volunteer...for you, then Haym-mitch will volunteer for Peeta. He and-and I will go into the Games, just like Snow wants us to do. He and I are the only ones that have created this much...this much trouble anyway, right?" She barked out a hiccupy laugh. "It's only fitting that Snow gets his revenge on us this way."

I shook my head immediately, crossing my arms over my chest. "NO, Katniss, don't you get it? Dad and I have lived our lives. We've had a chance to love someone, we've had a chance to start a family. No matter what we did with it, we were given our chance, and you and Peeta have not! You two deserve a chance at the lo-life I know you two can have."

I glanced at Katniss hastily, but she seemed to be too tipsy to notice that I'd nearly mentioned her and Peeta's "love".

"I know you're confused right now, Katniss, having to marry Peeta when you might possibly like Gale, but listen to me right now," I planted my hands on the table and leaned in close to her face, trying not to breath in the smell of alcohol on her breath, "Living with Peeta. Would not kill you. You know why?"

Katniss shook her head a few times and opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off, my voice rising steadily by the minute.

"Because you'd be alive, damn it! It wouldn't matter to your parents or to Peeta or to Gale who you're forced to be with or even who it is you love. You know why? Because you'd be alive and to the people that care about you, that's all that matters!"

My voice cracked on the second "alive", and I shoved myself away from the table, running a hand through my flaming red hair even though putting my arms above my head hurt like hell at the moment.

Why. Why can't they just listen to what I have to say and then actually understand?

I took a deep breath and looked over at Dad, who had been watching me talk to Katniss with a look of pain on his face.

"Dad," I whispered, crouching on the ground in front of him, taking his left hand in mine and resting my other hand on the table, "please. Don't you understand what I'm trying to do here? Katniss and Peeta...they deserve a chance too, Dad. Please try to understand what I'm saying."

Dad looked down at me with his dark grey eyes and I knew what he was going to say almost before he said it: "Variance. I couldn't protect you when you were younger, and you were forced to go into the Games. I have a chance to help you now so that you can stay and raise your own family like I couldn't with mine. To give you a chance. So, no. I'm sorry. Either Katniss will volunteer for you, or she will be reaped. You will not volunteer for her, do you understand me?"

I can't believe him.

I shook my head in disbelief and stood up, limping away from the table and towards the stairs, where I was going to say goodnight to my brothers and sisters. "Whatever, Dad. You know doing this won't be protecting me either. It'll just make it worse when I have to helplessly watch you guys die."

~~~**~~*~~**~~~

"Peeta, open up." I knocked on the front door of his house, banging kind of loudly. "Peeta, I sure as hell know that you're not sleeping right now, so please just open this door!"

I heard a sigh from right behind the door and then it opened to reveal Peeta, with his ashy-blonde hair and bright blue eyes that looked so sad that I wanted to hug him.

Which I did as soon as he let me into the house.

"I'm sorry that this is happening to you," I whispered, standing on tiptoe to hug him as he hugged me tightly. I pressed my face into his soft green robe, trying to keep tears at bay. "You finally had happiness. I finally had happiness. And then this happened."

I pulled away from him after a minute and pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath while Peeta waited for me to speak.

I had known Peeta for at least five years before he was reaped in the Games, since I used to go to his parent's bakery in town all the time to buy things for my brothers and sisters, and we have become pretty good friends as he grew older. So he knew not to press me, that I would talk when I found my voice.

I looked up finally and met his eyes. "You want to keep Katniss safe, don't you?"

Chapter Text

I ducked under another punch Brandon threw at me, coming back at him with a judo kick to the gut that I didn't let land with full force. 

Before I knew what was happening, Brandon grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him, close enough that I couldn't move my legs without falling and too close for me to throw a punch at him either. 

We both froze like that, standing very close together, the two of us breathing heavily and raggedly from our sparring. 

"This...cannot happen...when you're in the Games." Brandon said lowly and seriously, his breathing coming out in ragged puffs. "If you let this happen to you, Ri, you will be at that person's mercy. And you know what will happen." 

I sighed as Brandon let go of my leg. "I know, Brandon, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just so-so out of it right now. I can't stop thinking about the Reaping tomorrow, and all I want to do is be with you and Nina." I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around Brandon's neck, resting my head on his shoulder as he twined his arms around my waist. 

"I know, Variance," he whispered as one of his hands stroked my hair softly, "I know." 

In the past three and a half months since the reading of the card, I have been making sure I was getting back into shape without Dad or Katniss knowing. 

The reason I was doing that was because the morning after the reading of the card, Dad and Katniss both ambushed me- this time sober but with terrible hangovers- and made a whole long speech about how I can't be going back into the Games for the good of my family, etc, etc. 

I said "okay, if you really think so" to pacify them. 

And then I went and made a deal with Peeta to keep him and Katniss out of the Hunger Games if at all possible, so that they would have a chance at their lives, like Dad and I did. 

Brandon and Peeta are the only two who know about it, and Brandon understands why I have to do it, even if he isn't terribly happy about it. He knows that I'll get hurt whether I go in the arena or not, and anyway, I have always been the mother to almost everyone I knew- especially my brothers and sisters, due to the fact my parents were hardly ever around. 

And I've known Katniss since she was a little girl; I remember her father just as well as she does. He was wonderful man, and I grieved for him when he died just as Katniss and her family did. 

So now apparently I feel the need to try and protect Katniss and Peeta from an almost certain death. 

Because if they did go into the Games, they would be dead immediately. That's why Snow had this rigged up, I was almost sure. He must have wanted it set up so that he could kill off some victors who were beginning to cause some trouble. 

Anyway, so Dad and Katniss have both been thinking that I have been losing weight from the stress of taking care of Nina, and luckily they were too busy acting like Careers with Peeta as their trainer to pay too close attention and actually figure out what I was doing. 

Even as I threw myself into getting back into shape, I made sure that I spent all of my free time with my brothers and sister and Brandon and Nina. 

My little girl had already grown quite a bit before my own eyes. It's been a little more than a year since she was born, and she has already begun trying to stand and walk. It makes me cry to think about leaving her; I love her more than anything in the world, as does Brandon. 

And that's how I know she'll be taken care of after I'm gone. 

Of course, I am also worried about what effect my being killed in the arena might have on Brandon and my brothers and sister; but I know that deep down they are all strong. They know I love them, and hopefully will understand why I am doing what I have to do. 

But now it was the day before the Reaping and it was beginning to settle in that this could be my very last day with my family. 

A scary, terrifying thought. 

I was jolted from my thoughts when I heard someone climbing down the stairs that led to the small cellar Brandon and I had been practicing in. Nina was on the next floor napping in her portable crib, but nobody else was in the house. 

What the hell? Surprise filled my gaze as I exchanged a hasty glance with Brandon, who looked just as bewildered as I did. 

Nobody was even supposed to know we were down here. 

I turned around until my back was to Brandon and my eyes widened when I saw the man standing at the foot of the stairs, my now wide-awake baby in his arms. 

The man had a shock of pure white hair, matched with a single white rose in the lapel of his expensive grey suit jacket. He had piercing blue eyes that looked too cold and calculating to be considered human. 

"P-President Snow." I managed to stammer as I recognized the man with a feeling of dread, feeling Brandon's hand grab my wrist and hold on tightly. "What a surprise." 

President Snow smiled in what seemed to be an attempt at warmth. "Yes, sorry about dropping in like this, Variance. I was...in the neighborhood, if you will, and decided to have a little chat with you." 

In the neighborhood...who did he go to see?

Now, don't get me wrong. I despise President Snow with almost everything I have. 

But if there's one thing my mother and father taught me growing up, it was how to stay alive. 

"Of course, no problem at all, sir." I said cordially, putting my most winning smile on my face and tucking a piece of stray hair behind my ear. 

President Snow smirked once he knew that he had his way. 

Then he looked over my head at Brandon. "The baby seems to be hungry, Mr. Cronin." 

Nina looked as content as ever, and was looking like she wanted to take a grab for the floor in Snow's suit jacket, but Brandon took the hint before it became an order. 

He gave my wrist one last subtle squeeze before releasing me and walking over to take our baby from President Snow. 

Brandon took Nina from him without a word and walked up the stairs without a backwards glance. 

Fortunately, Brandon knows how to play these games, too. 

I forced myself to focus and looked President Snow in the eyes. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" 

Both of us knew that this was more than just a friendly visit, so we might as well cut the bull shit. 

But unlike some people, I still managed to stay pleasant while I did so. 

President Snow smiled again, a slight chuckle escaping from his lips as he sat himself down on the one armchair we had in the basement. "I knew I liked you better than Katniss, Variance." 

Ignoring the dig on Katniss, I managed to keep a civil smile on my face while I waited for Snow to get to the point. 

He sighed heavily, shaking his head as if in regret. "Last year's Games...did not end well, as I am sure you know. Although you had nothing to do with the outcome, of course, due to the birth of your daughter even before the Reaping." 

Again, I simply nodded, knowing there was no point in saying a word. 

President Snow then looked directly at me, looking as if he was trying for a sympathetic look. "Now, Variance. I must ask you to do something for me...that may be slightly difficult. I do not want this year's Games to end up the same way as last year. Thanks to the star-crossed lovers' show of defiance, the Districts are in uproar, with small bands of rebels causing havoc, which is resulting in chaos." 

My eyes widened slightly before I got a hold on my emotions. 

Oh my God. He meant to tell me that, too...but why would he want to tell me? 

President Snow paused for a moment, watching me carefully. "I need to have more of an edge of control in these Games, Variance. And I know that you have a family here, and a daughter...but you know how to play in the Games, Variance. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you know how to survive." 

I nodded slowly, a feeling of dread seeping into my bones. "You're putting me in the Games." 

Snow tilted his head slightly, as if weighing the consequences of his answer. "Yes. You and your father. I can't kill off the "star-crossed lovers" because it will cause more chaos in Panem. And I will do whatever it takes to keep that from happening." 

The president stood up and walked over towards the staircase before turning to face me. "As I remember, you know how to make the Games interesting, Miss Abernathy. And you still play by the rules, which is what we need this year. But because you are doing this small service for me, I can guarantee that you will be the victor of the 75th Hunger Games." 

Then Snow turned back to the stairs and proceeded to climb them without another word, leaving me in the basement alone. 

I stood very still, as if I had forgotten how to move at all. 

Small service. Yeah right. 

It shouldn't have been such a shock to me- I mean, I was already trying my hardest to get Dad and I back into the Games anyway. 

But I think a part of me, however small, had secretly been hoping that I wouldn't have to go back there, that I wouldn't have to go back to the arena that has given me nightmares since I was eleven years old. 

And now that my fate was set in stone, now that I knew for a fact that I would be re-entering the arena...with my dad as well, knowing that he wouldn't be coming back out alive, my veins were being flooded with the one emotion I hate most: 

Fear.

Chapter Text

The overall atmosphere of the audience in District 12's Town Square was a somber one on the day of the Reaping. 

Because there were only two girls and two boys applicable for this year's reaping, the Peacekeepers had corralled the four of us onto the stage this year, standing in front of our respective bowls on either side of Effie Trinket. 

Who, by the way, seemed very unhappy about this year's Reaping as she reached into the girl's bowl and tried to grab one of the two slips of paper. 

I stood quite still in my mother's old dress, a simple but exquisite piece: a slimming black cap-sleeved dress with small sequins swen around the edges that sparkled in the sun. 

(Luckily the dress wasn't too tight; it was loose enough to hide a certain weight gain of mine that would spread rumors.) 

Of course, my heart was pounding in my chest and my palms were sweating, but nobody knew that but me. 

I had cherished the preparations for this morning, however dour they might have been; I had gotten up early to be up with Nina one last time, and then I had gotten Brandon up to go over to Dad's house.There I helped Cameron and Caleb get ready for the Reaping, as well as the triplets. 

I also helped Samantha make a nice breakfast that morning, and then we took some up for Dad, who was still sleeping. 

He woke up, took one look at the food, and ran to the bathroom to throw up the previous night's drinking, which he had made me swear to not tell Peeta about. 

But still, he thanked us and did eat a bit of the toast. Even choked up a little bit, which was my cue to leave the room. 

Because if my dad starts crying, I will most definitely lose it. 

Now Effie was standing in front of the microphone, a strip paper in her hands and a distraught look on her face. 

The entire square was silent at this point- you could have heard a pin drop. 

Effie glanced around almost frantically, as if waiting for someone to say, "Just kidding!" and change the Reaping back to normal. 

But nobody did, and so she just spoke: "Katniss Everdeen." 

My heart was thumping so wildly in my chest at that point I was sure Katniss could have heard it if she had tried. 

I swallowed quickly in the silence that followed. 

Then- 

"I volunteer as tribute." I said gently, but loud enough to be heard across the entire square. 

Effie looked downright miserable now, and Dad and Katniss looked pissed. 

"Variance, what are you doing?" Katniss whispered fiercely. 

I avoided both their gazes as I walked around Katniss to stand beside Effie, my shoes clacking quietly on the floor of the stage. 

"And now for the boys." Effie said tonelessly. 

I could hear the first sounds of tears coming from Caleb and Cameron, who were being held by Samantha and Sean at the front of the audience, their other brothers around them, as well as Brandon, who was holding Nina and keeping his face blank of all emotions. 

Oh, God, please. 

I stood facing the crowd, my eyes closed in the hope that it would keep me from crying too much on the cameras. 

It didn't really work, however. A few tears had slipped out from under my eyelids by the time Effie came back to her microphone with the boy's strip of paper in her hand. 

Poor Effie. I watched as she bit her lip and tried for a smile, but couldn't seem to do it. 

"Haymitch Abernathy." 

A few people looked at Peeta, but he reamined silent and stared at his shoes. 

My younger brothers and sister, who had been very brave in trying not to cry thus far, couldn't seem to take it after that. 

Alex and Tye were hugging, trying not to draw too much attention to the fact that they were crying. 

I watched as Sean had to give Cameron to Samantha, who now had the two youngest twins crying into her shoulders, pretty loudly too. Meanwhile Samantha just stood tall, looking up at Dad and I as silent tears traced her face, her two brothers joining Alex's and Tye's hug. 

Oh, God, please, God! 

Tears were close to choking me at this point, and I had to muffle a sob as Dad and I faced each other. 

"T-tributes shake hands." Effie said, her voice shaky. 

I finally met Dad's eyes, almost immediately wishing that I hadn't. His eyes were full of pain, and his hand was shaky and sweaty as he shook mine. 

I'm sorry. I felt myself wanting to say, loud enough for more than just my dad to hear. I had to, you have no idea. 

But then Peacekeepers had appeared at our sides, as well as by Katniss' and Peeta's. 

"We ask that you please move yourselves to the train station...cooperatively." The Head Peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, said with a sneer as he took in the tear tracks on my pale face. 

What? I was counting on being able to say good-bye to my family. Why would they change this? 

Ignoring my thoughts, I mustered a smile as my tears came to a stop. "Of course. It would be our pleasure."