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Sanji couldn’t remember when Usopp had become such an important person in his life. It just felt natural the way he always gravitated toward the man. He was comfortable, he was safe. And at some point, suddenly he was everything.
His presence filled a space differently than someone like Luffy or Franky. Usopp was subtle. He kept a substantially wide variety of information and skill, but was always eager to learn from whoever he could. There were a lot of things that Usopp couldn’t do. And he tried to make up for it with words. But he rarely shed any light on the things he was capable of. It was endearing, the front he put on. And it protected a part of Usopp that Sanji thought was beautiful.
It was something Sanji had come to peace with a long time ago. He could cover it up by swooning over Nami, a girl who left her love in the desert, and Robin, whose heart remained shrouded in dark, mysterious clouds. Sanji had always seen women as powerful and nurturing beings that were to be treated with utmost respect and devotion. This thing he had for Usopp wouldn’t change that.
He still sought out time with the man. Even if it was just Usopp hanging out in the galley as Sanji cooked. He let himself lose the tension in his hands and back when he was around. Sanji loved talking to him. Usopp always said things you wouldn’t hear from anyone else. It made every interaction with him feel special, and he allowed himself to cherish those moments with Usopp, even if only in his heart.
One night, about a week after they dropped from the sky, the two of them just sat in the dimly lit galley together. Sanji sipped on a warm drink he had prepared for both of them while Usopp counted and recounted the dials he had collected before their departure. As he sat, slightly hunched over, pushing the shells around with his finger, Sanji’s eye caught a strange pattern stretched across Usopp’s back.
He scooted closer to the man, and without thinking, reached out to trace the pattern with his hand, effectively making Usopp lose count as he froze at the touch. The mark snaked along the back of his neck and shoulders and branched out at several points, weaving itself in various directions. Sanji’s hand followed the complicated path with his hand until Usopp cleared his throat.
“W-w-what are you doing?” He asked tentatively, stumbling over his words.
“Did you know you had this?” Sanji asked, his voice steady despite being completely flustered.
Usopp glanced at him over his shoulder, face apprehensive. “...What?”
“This mark on your back.” Sanji drew his finger across it again, briefly.
He tried, and failed, to look at where Sanji was touching him. “Is it…” his eyes widened and he raised his eyebrows. “Do I have Lichtenberg scars???”
It was Sanji’s turn to say “What?”
Usopp turned to face him. “You get them when you’re struck by lightning! They follow the pattern of blood cells that were ruptured by the shock!” he said almost excitedly. Suddenly, their expressions mirrored each other’s, as the two of them seemed to reach the same question. “Does that mean…”
“Do...I have any?” Sanji finished the thought aloud.
Sanji pulled his top off, trying to hide his nerves as Usopp searched his bare torso and back for similar marks. He gazed at the ceiling in anticipation, feeling way too exposed all the while.
“Yep! Right here,” Usopp clarified with a hard poke in the middle of Sanji’s back. A shiver ran up his spine from where his finger had been. “It...actually looks really cool!”
Sanji felt his cheeks flare up at the comment and he turned his face away from Usopp as he shrugged his shirt back on. “So does yours…” he muttered softly. He knew Usopp heard him.
They shared a mark on their backs that symbolized the hardships they had been through. Ones that they would continue to go through, and that they would continue to survive, even if it didn’t look that way in the moment.
It took every shred of Sanji’s strength to maintain his composure when they found Usopp’s broken body in front of the Franky House. Every ounce of restraint to remain silent as he cried during those nights without him there. Every fiber of courage to take that step forward and pull Usopp into a tight embrace when he came back. But it took nothing for Sanji to throw himself in front of Usopp and face Kuma. Even if it amounted to nothing in the end.
During those two long years apart, Sanji focused heavily on himself. He spent time honing his skills and becoming a sturdier person, both physically and mentally. He had thought that maybe his adoration for Usopp would fade during that time. But it never really did. It wasn’t a crushing weight on his heart, but rather a gentle warmth that visited him whenever he found himself missing his nakama, missing Usopp.
It reminded him that this was temporary. They would find each other again. They would all be reunited.
And when that time came, it was exhilarating. Seeing everyone again filled his heart with so much love he felt close to bursting. He could get the sense from each of his crewmates that they had grown and become stronger, and he was glad to find that same energy within himself.
Then he saw Usopp, and Sanji couldn’t describe the feeling that came over him. That gentle warmth that had comforted him those past two years grew into an intense, blazing fire in his chest. An air of strength and confidence radiated from the man, which seemed genuine compared to the over-exaggerated version Sanji had been familiar with. His once slender figure was now solid and packed with muscle. And that smile could’ve killed him. It was very, very difficult for Sanji to keep from staring.
“Sanji!” Usopp called to him, his presence like the sun. “I was wondering when I’d get to see you!”
Despite the fact that Sanji felt like he was just hit by a truck, he couldn’t help the smile that came to his face when Usopp approached him. He was suddenly pulled into a sturdy hug. And as Sanji wrapped his arms around the man and laughed, overjoyed, he noted the height Usopp had gained and the violent hammering in his own chest.
It’s said that distance makes the heart grow fonder. In Sanji’s case it kept his heart comfortable until that distance was recovered. Then slapped him in the face with feelings he didn’t remember being so intense and unrestrained. Instead of feeling calm around Usopp, Sanji now felt overwhelmed.
Sanji powered through these feelings, just like he did with everything the world threw at him. And overtime it became manageable and Sanji could keep his heart steady as he sat next to Usopp. The two of them went back to spending nights staying up, just talking and talking, and it was wonderful.
On one of those nights Sanji suddenly took off his shirt. Had it been two years earlier, Usopp would’ve been astonished into a sputtering mess at the action, but now he just quirked his eyebrow at Sanji in question.
Sanji scooted until his back faced Usopp. “Is it still there?” he asked quietly.
Usopp hummed in understanding and leaned in to examine his back. It took him some time to make out the shape, but he found the scar and brushed over that spot in the middle of Sanji’s back with his thumb. “Yep. It’s faded, but it’s still there.”
Sanji turned and gently smiled at him. The whole thing felt soft and intimate. And though Sanji felt restrained, he treasured it. He’d take anything Usopp wanted to give him.
Usopp tilted his back slightly toward Sanji. “Is mine?” he asked.
Sanji looked. Usopp’s hair had grown so long since their time apart. It tumbled down his back in elegant, tight curls. Sanji tentatively pulled it to the side to find the mark that raced across his shoulder blades and up the back of his neck. The scar had faded, like his own, but it was still visible. Sanji reached with his other hand to caress the skin there, littered with hundred of runaway stripes of discoloration.
He took back both hands, letting Usopp’s hair fall back into place over his back. “Still there,” he said softly.
Usopp hummed in response, a gentle smile on his face. He sat his chin on his hand and gazed out the window, with every twinkling speck of light in the night sky gazing back at him. He seemed to be deep in thought, but not in a lost sort of way. Sanji noticed the way the moonlight got caught in Usopp’s eyelashes and how the stars outside made a home in those deep irises.
Sanji silently tossed his shirt back onto his shoulders and bid Usopp goodnight as he left.
They were stronger than they were before. But that didn’t mean struggle wasn’t imminent. Life always came back with something to match them and they always fought. They were all confident in each other’s abilities to hold their ground. But sometimes fear would kick in and overpower that confidence when push came to shove. Sometimes fear would overtake Sanji and suddenly he was hyper-aware of the stakes at hand and was afraid of losing everything again.
A pirate was closing in on Usopp as he shot at another enemy across the ship, his focus on keeping a precise aim leaving him vulnerable.
And Sanji stopped thinking.
He dashed toward Usopp and tackled him to the side just as the pirate had thrust out their weapon. The two of them crashed to the floor a distance away. Sanji had one arm still around Usopp, clutching onto him for dear life. The other arm was propping him up at his elbow to keep from crushing the man beneath him. A dark cloud suddenly formed above them and struck their opponent with a blast of lightning. Sanji flinched and tightened his grip on Usopp. Both of Usopp’s arms came up to grasp Sanji’s back, a startled look on his face. Nami came to stand over the pirate’s motionless form briefly before moving to resume fighting.
“Oh my god,” Sanji blurted out, his voice trembling. He glanced down at Usopp, frantically affirming to himself that he was okay, because his brain was still stuck in a moment when he hadn’t been able to save him. Sanji shifted to kneel above him and cupped his face in his hands. He’s right here. He’s right here.
But he had let his guard down. Because Usopp was looking at him as though he had caught his own reflection in Sanji’s eyes. Had seen himself the way Sanji saw him and suddenly the world was piecing itself together before him and-
“Oh.”
There was nothing more to say. He knew Usopp had figured it out and it left him stunned and unmoving as he held his gaze. A cold wave of dread washed over him and Sanji could feel it in his ears and cheeks and hands and he had never felt more vulnerable and exposed.
Usopp shifted to place his hands on his shoulders and gently shove Sanji off him. Time seemed to slow as those hands left his shoulders and Usopp moved away to rejoin the fight.
Sanji felt heavy where he stood. The weight of uncertainty threatened to drag him to the ground. But succumbing to it would make him a hypocrite. His legs felt like lead, but he willed himself to get back up and keep kicking.
He never figured he could lose Usopp. In a world of constant changes and impermanence, Usopp had always been a solid presence in his life, even when he wasn’t there. Sanji thought he could continue to overpower these feelings he had for the other man in favor of keeping him. But in that moment, his feelings overpowered him , and well, made themselves known.
Sanji sat alone in the galley, dishes from dinner piled up in the sink, waiting to be cleaned. His gaze was lost in the twinkling stars outside the window, twiddling an unlit cigarette between his fingers. Tension racked his body, keeping him there with scattered, racing thoughts.
Usopp found him like that when he quietly stepped into the galley. Feeling the stress emanating from Sanji’s figure, he sighed and approached the man. He sat down next to him with his left arm resting against the table, next to where Sanji’s right fist tightened around itself. He watched his gaze break away from the window to stare at Usopp’s arm.
“Hey, Sanji,” Usopp said softly. Somewhere along the way, Usopp had become the steady one while Sanji became a nervous mess. “Hey, look at me.”
Sanji willed his head to raise and meet Usopp’s eyes. They were still filled with stars, and it made Sanji’s heart ache knowing he didn’t deserve those beautiful deep eyes looking upon him.
Usopp let out a breath and brought his other arm up to caress Sanji’s shoulder. “Stop bracing yourself for rejection when it’s not going to come,” he said.
Sanji was thrown off by the statement. Caught off guard, he sat there unmoving, the stress replaced with confusion.
He was drawn into Usopp’s eyes again and when he looked closer, he saw striations of lightning scarred skin among the stars. And he saw himself. He saw the way Usopp saw him. And then it made sense.
A smile made its way to Usopp’s face and he sighed. He brought Sanji into a tight embrace. One that was soft and so, so full of love. It made all the uncertainty melt away in Sanji’s mind. He let Usopp’s touch break away the tension in his body and he brought his own arms to wrap around the other man. Usopp squeezed tighter and Sanji buried his face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in.
The chuckle that Usopp let out reverberated through Sanji’s body, filling him with a gentle warmth. He raised his head slightly so he could press his forehead against Usopp’s temple. A hand came up to card through Sanji’s hair and he seemed to melt even more into Usopp’s embrace.
He could’ve stayed like that forever. But Usopp’s hand nudged his head so they could be face to face. His gaze flitted between Sanji’s mouth and eyes before he closed that small distance and pressed their lips together. And Sanji felt like that was where he belonged. He let his hand slide up along the side of Usopp’s face as he deepened the kiss, wanting to take in everything. The way his mouth felt, the way it tasted. The way they seemed to fit perfectly together.
When they pulled away, all they could do was smile at each other. For Sanji to be able to show his love for Usopp was exhilarating and he felt so light and free. He hadn’t even realized how much his feelings had been weighing down on his heart until they were let out. Now Sanji felt that he could breathe easy holding Usopp in his arms.
Usopp brushed a piece of Sanji’s hair behind his left ear and kissed him once more above his eyebrow. He moved to stand up, his hand grabbing Sanji’s own and beckoning him to follow. He looked toward the neglected dishes in the sink and said, “Let’s finish those up and then go to bed, yeah?”
Sanji let out a chuckle. “Yeah. I’m exhausted.”
Usopp huffed. “I bet.”
He led them over to the kitchen and the two of them worked with the prospect of a restful sleep together in mind.