Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Team Chat has been created

Ladybug has added Chat Noir, Rena Rouge, Carapace, and Queen Bee to Team Chat.

Ladybug’s name has been changed to Bugaboo

Chat Noir’s name has been changed to Knight In Shining Leather

Rena Rouge’s name has been changed to Vulpix

Carapace’s name has been changed to Hero In A Half-Shell

Queen Bee’s nickname has been changed to Queen Bitch

Bugaboo: Oh my god I regret this already.

Knight In Shining Leather: Come on! It’ll be great!

Vulpix: Not gonna lie, I am low-key fangirling over here.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Babe, I think if I can hear your screams from my place, it’s not ‘low-key’.

Vulpix: Hush! Let me have this.

Queen Bitch: Okay, no, I have to fix something first.

Knight In Shining Leather’s name has been changed to KitKat

Queen Bitch: There. Still a little flirty but I can look at it without kinkshaming you

KitKat: come on...

Bugaboo: How is that name flirty?

Queen Bitch: Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to ‘break off a piece of that kitkat bar’

KitKat: I am unsure how to feel about this.

Vulpix: You know what she has a point. Never thought I’d say that.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Same, dude.

Bugaboo: Okay, first of all, since we’re doing this whole ‘Team Chat’ thing, we should lay down some rules:

KitKat: Notice how she dodged the question?

Bugaboo: Anyway, first rule is to stay away from anything that could tell anyone your identity.

Queen Bitch: OH COME THE FUCK ON

Vulpix: Just because you announced your identity to all of Paris doesn’t mean the rest of us have to.

Queen Bitch: Yeah yeah. Sorry for having a mental breakdown after realizing my mom will never love me.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Dude...

Vulpix: I…..

Vulpix: I don’t know how to respond to that other than sorry?

KitKat: It’s okay, things are getting better.

Queen Bitch: They are. I mean, you know. It’s a learning process because ‘mother dearest’ was training me to be just like her, so I didn’t get all of the ‘be nice to people’ lessons you guys got.

Queen Bitch: So, you know, if I’m still a jerk call me out on it but do it nicely.

Bugaboo: Which is exactly why I decided to give you another chance with the Bee Miraculous. Just remember to change your outffit and pick a different name.

KitKat: You know, usually I respect your ‘no identity stuff’ rule, but I think it’s starting to get a little ridiculous.

KitKat: I mean, Rena and Carapace know who the other is. We all know Chloé’s the Bee. You know everyone except me.

Vulpix: Again, good point! Why can’t we know?

Bugaboo: It’s dangerous. I have no control over us knowing about Chloé, though the costume and name change should help keep the rest of Paris out of our hair. And if I didn’t need to hand you both your Miraculous as quick as possible on Hero’s Day, I would have asked you two not to share.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Heroes usually have secret identities for a reason, so I think for now I agree with Ladybug.

Vulpix: traitor.

KitKat: On to rule #2 of the groupchat: no kinkshaming.

Queen Bitch: Are you telling me I’m supposed to watch you two run around as your fursonas and not comment on it? Also you literally called yourself ‘Knight In Shining Leather’!

Bugaboo: You know what? That’s not a rule. Kinkshame away.

KitKat: My Lady! You’ve betrayed your loyal knight in his time of need?

Vulpix: You do realize there’s a whole forum on the Ladyblog discussing whether the fact that you’re in a literal leather catsuit ‘means something’?

KitKat: I don’t see you defending yourself from her ‘fursona’ accusation.

Vulpix: Eh. I’m kinda leaning into it. Not gonna buy a fursuit anytime soon, but it’s kinda cute.

Queen Bitch: I’m buying both of you fursuits for Christmas. Have fun explaining it to your families.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m starting to agree with Ladybug’s original statement of regret.

KitKat: Come on! Just think of all the jokes we can make in here! It’ll be just like the groupchat fics I read online. Think of all the Shenanigans!

Bugaboo: I mean that does tend to happen in those fics.

Vulpix: Did Ladybug, THE Ladybug, just admit to reading fanfic?

Bugaboo: You already know I’m your age and idk anyone our age who doesn’t read fanfic.

Queen Bitch: I’m just wondering if the ‘Shenanigans’ was an intentional reference to a specific groupchat fic I’ve read….

KitKat: idk do the names ‘Richard’ and ‘Solaris’ mean anything to you?

Queen Bitch: I hate you so much.

KitKat: Let it be known that Chloé is a nerd who reads anime fanfic.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You know what I think this is something I don’t want to question yet.

Chapter Text

Bugaboo: Hawkmoth can suck my entire dick

Hero In A Half-Shell: Another 2 am Akuma?

Bugaboo: UGH

Bugaboo: Doesn’t Hawkmoth need sleep for whatever the fuck his dayjob is??

Vulpix: Please tell me it’s not another nightmare Akuma?

KitKat: Well there’s no bars on my window so I think we’re good!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Okay, we’re coming back to talk about that bit of info once we deal with this Akuma.

Bugaboo: Already on the scene. Looks like someone was staying up to study for a test.

Bugaboo: Bitch I have a test tomorrow too! You ain’t special!

Vulpix: I love how snarky you get when tired and pissed.

KitKat: Does the Queen need a wakeup call?

Queen Bitch: I’m up. Don’t even think about pulling that balcony visit shit with me. Save it for your girl.

KitKat: How do you know about that???

Queen Bitch: omg I was joking you’re actually a disaster.

Bugaboo: GUYS

Bugaboo: HELP

Hero In A Half-Shell: Again, talk about this after the fight!!!

Queen Bitch: Time for the Debut of Honeybee!!

Vulpix: Now that that’s taken care of, care to tell us what Queenie meant by this girl you apparently visit on a balcony?

Queen Bitch: Again, I was joking about that because it seemed like something he’d do. But knowing I was right…

Vulpix: So who’s your girlfriend?!

Bugaboo: Before this continues, remember to not give names because identity stuff.

KitKat: It’s fine! She’s just a friend. And the whole ‘balcony visits’ thing is complicated.

Hero In A Half-Shell: ‘Just a friend’. You sound exactly like my best friend whenever I ask him about his crush on a girl in our class. I’m like, ‘bro. You do not give that look to a girl who is ‘just a friend’’.

Hero In A Half-Shell: And you don’t visit the balcony of a girl who is ‘just a friend’.

KitKat: Look. Befriending her as Civilian!Me has been… difficult. And if Chat Noir hangs out with her in public, Hawkmoth might target her. But if I check up on her after she was caught in an Akuma attack and she happens to offer baked goods as thanks, then I might stay a while.

Queen Bitch: And you claim to have no romantic feelings for this girl whatsoever?

KitKat: I mean I’m in love with Ladybug so…

Vulpix: On one hand, I am a total Ladynoir shipper. On the other hand, Ladybug mentioned she has a crush on a guy in her civilian life so I say go for it!!!

Queen Bitch: You people are going to make me go gray I swear.

Bugaboo: Huh?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Since the romance stuff is out of the way, I wanted to ask Chat about the ‘bars on the window’ thing??

KitKat: Oh. Back when Sandboy attacked my nightmare was being literally locked in my room. It didn’t help that my Kwami had sneaked out for the night but he apologized and said he’d ask next time.

Bugaboo: Yikes

Vulpix: Yikes

Hero In A Half-Shell: Are you okay?

KitKat: I mean I was freaked at the time but now I’m good.

Bugaboo: Pretty sure he meant more like ‘are you okay because that fear probably stems from something’.

Queen Bitch: Do you wanna talk about it?

KitKat: Not a can of worms I want to open up right now.

Bugaboo: You know now I feel real bad because my nightmare scenario was just a crazed version of my crush chasing me while ranting about how much he loves my rival.

Vulpix: Huh. I always figured your worst nightmare would be a ‘what happens when Hawkmoth wins’ scenario.

Bugaboo: I mean yeah. But that I can at least do something about. I have no control over who my crush falls in love with.

Queen Bitch: I mean you could always sabotage your rival

Hero In A Half-Shell: Chloé no. That’s bad.

Queen Bitch: Right.

Chapter Text

KitKat: Hey have you guys seen the new Adrien ad?

KitKat: whatadork.png

KitKat: Posing like he’s all cool and not some loser

Bugaboo: TAKE THAT BACK HE’S WONDERFUL

Vulpix: Oh no. You are not attacking the sunshine child!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Bro you’re my friend but I will absolutely fight you.

Queen Bitch: omg

Queen Bitch: You’re right though he’s an absolute dork.

Vulpix: Aren’t you supposed to be in love with him and all that?

Queen Bitch: Of course I love Adrien. But he’s also my bff and I’m allowed to call him a dork if I want to.

Queen Bitch: I mean, he’s the one who recommended that fanfic Chat and I mentioned a while back. And everyone already knows about my Ladybug and Chat Noir costumes, but there are a lot more costumes. I still have images of him dressed as Sailor Moon.

Bugaboo: Okay I need you to send me that. For reasons.

Vulpix: Me too tbh.

KitKat: ABSOLUTELY NOT

Hero In A Half-Shell: you can make fun of the guy’s ads, but you don’t want her to send us pictures of him in cosplay?

KitKat: Look…

Queen Bitch: inthenameofthemoonillkickyourass.png

Hero In A Half-Shell: for some reason even though I heard it and believed it, the picture still hit me in the face with how much of a weeaboo he is.

Vulpix: We’re French. He’s a Ouiaboo.

Bugaboo: OHMYGODHESSOCUTEWHATTHEFUCK

KitKat: Bugaboo… you wouldn’t happen to have a crush on Adrien Agreste, would you?

Bugaboo: What? Me? Uh, well, he is a literal model so of course. I’m pretty sure everyone has a crush on him and that fact has nothing to do with secret identities!

KitKat: you know if you showed up at his window and stole him away to a romantic rooftop date, he’d probably love it!

Hero In A Half-Shell: So would the rest of Paris though.

Queen Bitch: Is a ‘romantic rooftop date’ what you do with balcony girl?

Bugaboo: If I was going to ask Adrien out, I’d do it as civilian me instead of Ladybug! I mean, I’d want him to like me for me instead of just having a hero crush, you know?

Vulpix: Look, LB, I respect you and I don’t want to fight, but my bff is very into Adrien and as her bff I will have to fight you.

Bugaboo: Completely understandable and I love how much you’re standing up for your friend.

KitKat: Unrelated, but I am also happy that you’re all ready to protect the ‘sunshine child’.

Queen Bitch: Besides, we all know who Adrien will end up with.

Vulpix: Let me guess, you?

Queen Bitch: Eh. Figures you guys deserve to know. While Adrien is my bff and I love him, I usually play up the romantic angle to get his fangirls to leave me alone. Do you know how often girls would pretend my usual bitch antics are totally chill just so I might introduce them to him? And I’ll admit to a bit of overprotectiveness since, you know, old habits said ‘don’t let anyone who isn’t Exceptional™ be around him’.  But I'm getting better at that.

Queen Bitch: So I was actually going to suggest Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She’s probably the only one in my class worthy of his attention.

Bugaboo: Really???

Queen Bitch: Wait, right slipped back into the 'Exceptional™' mentality. Sorry. She’s nice and sweet and talented. Even as a jerk I could acknowledge her talent since I tried to rip off her design. Clever fucker managed to hide her signature in the pattern.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I have a feeling that’s your version of singing her praises.

KitKat: While I won’t pretend to know his feelings, are you sure he doesn’t think of her as just a friend?

Queen Bitch: The way he looks at her with this soft smile and talks on and on about her? To the point where he called her ‘our everyday Ladybug?’.

Queen Bitch: Yeah. Sounds like she’s exactly as much of a ‘just a friend’ as balcony girl is to you.

Vulpix: I’m sure if Marinette knew how much you believed in her she would be screaming.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Actually, am I the only one hearing that high-pitched noise or….?

Chapter Text

Hero In A Half-Shell: Hey, Chat, there’s some people tweeting about you running across rooftops. I know it’s not patrol night, so did you spot an Akuma?

Bugaboo: Not seeing any Akuma reports out.

Kitkat: No Akuma. Sorry. Just had to get out of the house for a while.

Vulpix: You do that a lot, don’t you? I’ve seen reports on the Ladyblog about you being out at all hours.

Queen Bitch: You okay over there kitten?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Does this have to do with that whole ‘bars on the window’ nightmare?

Kitkat: Sort of? Not exactly but it’s connected? All of my issues are kinda connected.

Bugaboo: You know you can talk to us about things. I know it’s hard because identities and all, but you can.

KitKat: Okay, being as vague as possible, let’s start with the nightmare thing: My family is kinda strict and overprotective. I wasn’t allowed out much. I did have a friend and I got base social interaction from extracurricular activities, but you know. I wanted more. And between me begging my father to let me out more and occasionally using Chat Noir to sneak out, I do have more of that. Even with a busy as hell schedule.

Queen Bitch: teenrebellion.png

Kitkat: Kinda. It’s pretty tame rebellion though. Again, not to give away too much, but there is an aspect of ‘we have a reputation to uphold’. So I can’t get into any wild scandals. Not that I really want to. Though Father would probably have a heart attack if he knew I routinely ran around the city in black leather.

Hero In A Half-Shell: this reminds me of my best friend and his dad. And now I’m imagining how his dad would react if he dressed like you. I’m imagining he’d make that kind of face where he looks like he tried to swallow an entire lemon.

Vulpix: I think that’s just the man’s face.

Queen Bitch: sjkdagjkfkgjv

Queen Bitch: You have killed me.

Kitkat: Yeah that sounds just like my father. Good thing I look more like my mom!

Kitkat: But yeah the ‘nightmare scenario’ was basically the freedom I fought for being taken away and everything being even worse than before.

Bugaboo: Can I ask what happened tonight? Did you get in an argument about your freedom or something?

Kitkat: Not this time. It’s just…

Kitkat: Today would’ve been my mom’s birthday. And while we aren’t big on celebrating anyway, we would’ve at least done presents. But she’s… not around anymore. So it’s kind of affecting everything.

Vulpix: Oh.. Chat…

Hero In A Half-Shell: okay fuck it. Twitter says you’re at the Alpine Garden. Stay there because I’m going to hug the fuck out of you.

Bugaboo: I’m coming too.

Queen Bitch: Like hell am I being left out of this. Guess we’re going on a surprise patrol.

Vulpix: Give me half an hour because I’m babysitting and then I’ll be there.

Hero In A Half-Shell: So can I ask why your dad isn’t the one comforting you?

Vulpix: That’s a good point shouldn’t you two be spending the time together or something?

Kitkat: I’d like to, but he’s… different than I am. We handle things differently. I want to seek out people to comfort me, but he prefers to isolate himself.

Kitkat: It’s caused some problems because he’s been overall distant since she disappeared. As I said, he isolates himself. Throws himself into his work as a distraction. We’re getting better though, I think. It’s still hard sometimes.

Bugaboo: He should still remember that you’re hurting too!

Queen Bitch: Especially on days like this when he knows you’re going to be upset.

Kitkat: I know. But hey, I have you guys to help so I’m okay.

Vulpix: Good news: my parents got back a little early. I told them I’m going to bed early so I’ll meet up with you in a few minutes.

Bugaboo: Whatever you do, don't stop by a bakery on the way. Carapace, Honeybee and I all stopped at the same one and now we might have too many pastries. 

Kitkat: You underestimate my power. 

Chapter Text

Vulpix: So I have a question. Hypothetically, what do you think would happen if I transformed, took off the supersuit, put on my normal civilian clothes and went outside.

Vulpix: Like do you think people would notice that or what? Would they recognize me as Rena Rouge or as Civilian!Me?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m more wondering if we can take the supersuits off?

Bugaboo: You know I haven’t tried it? I know people can’t just pull my mask off because Magic, but I never tried it myself.

Kitkat: You can. I tried it after the first time I found some Ladynoir fanfic and wondered if that would even work.

Queen Bitch: Did you just admit to reading smut fanfic about yourself????

Kitkat: In my defense, it wasn’t a smutfic it was a ‘oh no Chat got hurt and Miraculous Cure couldn’t heal all of him! It’s up to Ladybug to take him somewhere safe and patch him up’ fic.

Bugaboo: Please don’t remind me that people write smut about me on the internet.

Vulpix: I never thought about it much, but after becoming a Hero myself and finding fanfic about me… idk I’ve been on both sides(And I’m sorry about the Ladynoir stuff I read) so I’m not gonna get hypocritical about it but there is some creep factor.

Kitkat: Yeah, even for me that’s a little creepy. I just read the non-smut stuff to see what people think my civilian life is like. It’s hilarious sometimes.

Kitkat: Back to the outfit thing, I did try transforming and taking it off. It was a little tricky because as soon as I take my Miraculous off I detransform anyway. So I had to take one glove off, slide the ring onto that hand, and then take the other glove off. But I did get out of it.

Queen Bitch: So while you guys were talking I tested it out and yeah you can take off the supersuit. I think the thing that surprised me most about that is that not only was I wearing underwear under the suit, but that it’s not the underwear I was wearing before I transformed.

Queen Bitch: It’s like, made of the same magic material as the suits and also bee-themed.

Vulpix: Not gonna lie I started testing it out as soon as I texted and holy fuck the underwear that comes with the suit!

Vulpix: This is legit the best bra I’ve ever worn. Everything’s supported but also kept in place. No chance of ‘headlights’. No wires poking me. And it’s still hella cute?? What the fuck?? I never find bras in my size that are still cute!

Bugaboo: Okay I was quiet for a minute because I was curious and tried it myself and yeah you’re right holy fuck.

Hero In A Half-Shell: And yet the costumes don’t have pockets.

Kitkat: rip to you buy my costume has pockets.

Queen Bitch: ‘Queen Bee’ didn’t have pockets but ‘Honeybee’ does. I mean, you guys are aware you can redesign the suit, right?

Bugaboo: I keep wanting to, but I can’t settle on a design. Before, I wasn’t that invested in it because, you know, it’s a supersuit it doesn’t need to ‘look cool’ or whatever. But now we have both Hawmoth and Mayura wearing actual outfits so I really want to one-up them.

Hero In A Half-Shell: So… we could design something a little cooler than the basic supersuit and just use that from now on?

Kitkat: Only reason I hadn’t after I found out we could is because I didn’t know how LB would feel about that.

Kitkat: be prepared for a cooler outfit next time.

Vulpix: I am absolutely redesinging my suit a bit. Far too many people keep confusing Rena Rouge with Volpina and it’s a nightmare for the tagging systems.

Queen Bitch: Yeah like hell would I ever want someone to mistake me for someone like Volpina.

Bugaboo: Next patrol I’m bringing a sketchbook full of ideas.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Do any of you know anything about an ice cream guy who sells magic soulmate ice cream?

Bugaboo: Oh! André! His ice cream is the best! My dad actually proposed to my mom while sharing ice cream from him! They say couples who eat his ice cream will stay together forever!

Vulpix: Oh yeah I almost forgot about that guy! Carapace and I had a cone from him. Coconut, banana, and a touch of passion fruit!

KitKat: A friend told me about the place and the ice cream I got was definitely Ladybug flavored.

KitKat: Wait, that sounded weird.

Hero In A Half-Shell: We know what you mean.

Vulpix: Chloé you’ve lived here all your life and you’ve never heard of the Sweetheart ice cream?

Queen Bitch: Remember, anything my mom deemed ‘unexceptional’ was not discussed. And I guess I never had anyone invite me out for some.

Bugaboo: So how’d you find out about it?

Queen Bitch: Ran across the cart. Decided I was in the mood for ice cream. The other customers filled me in on the thing. Wasn’t sure about it but decided to ask the Magic Experts.

Hero In A Half-Shell: We’re the Magic Experts?

Vulpix: Babe. We have magic jewelry that turns us into superheroes with the help of tiny god creatures.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Point taken.

KitKat: I asked my Kwami about it and he just kinda shrugged and said that there is some other magic in the world but he doesn’t know if this ice cream stand in specific is magic.

KitKat: Although he doesn’t really care to investigate because it’s ice cream and not cheese.

Bugaboo: So what kind of ice cream did you get?

Queen Bitch: ‘Cherry for his hair, blue moon for his eyes’. And while I really want to comment on how I don’t want to think about hair in my ice cream, I’m more confused because I can’t think of a guy like that.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Maybe Nathaniel?

KitKat: How do you know her classmates?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Uh….

Bugaboo: Most of Chloé’s class has been Akumatized! Some multiple times! Nathaniel is the one that was Evillustrator!

Vulpix: So, got a thing for art kid?

Queen Bitch: Tbh no. Not my type. He’s too shy. Not much for standing up to people.

Queen Bitch: Plus he has a boyfriend so you know.

KitKat: Anyone else you can think of?

Vulpix: Or it could be a guy you haven’t met yet.

Bugaboo: So I just remembered the one flaw in the system of Magic Ice Cream. Which is that André assumes everyone is straight until proven otherwise. Two of my friends got a cone together and they’re both girls but he tried giving them individual cones and only realized they were a couple when the cones matched each other perfectly. They were cool about it though.

Bugaboo: I guess what I’m saying is do you think maybe you’re into girls?

Queen Bitch:…

Queen Bitch: So that’s a hell of a question that I’ve never really tried to find an answer to. Thought about it before but shut it down with a ‘let’s not go into another reason to disappoint my mother’.

KitKat: I’m pretty sure no one here is straight so if you wanna figure it out it’s cool.

Bugaboo: I know no one in here is straight. Also I’m going to fight your mom.

Hero In A Half-Shell: As someone currently trying to figure out a label, we’re here to support you.

Vulpix: I know we’re only starting to be friends but even if you were still a jerk I’d fight someone over them being a jerk to you about it. Especially your mom.

Queen Bitch: What I’m getting from this friend group is that we’re all ready to throw down at any time. Which is probably why we’re Heroes.

Bugaboo: I think that’s just a thing with teenagers.

KitKat: Back to your ice cream thing, how about Sabrina? She has red hair and blue eyes.

Vulpix: Oh! That might be a good idea.

Queen Bitch: I don’t think so. She’s my friend and all, but even if I am gay I’m not that into her. Also I don’t think the ice cream is indicating her. Sabrina’s hair is more outright orange. The cherry ice cream is a bright red.

Hero In A Half-Shell: idk any of your classmates with red hair other than Nath and Sabrina.

Bugaboo: Uh… I do.

Vulpix: Gonna give any hints?

Bugaboo: I’m guessing it refers to natural hair instead of hair dye. And I doubt pink is a natural color.

KitKat: Oh!

Queen Bee: Now Alix is much more my type. So you know. That might be a thing.

Vulpix: So... are you going to ask her out?

Queen Bitch: I'll ask her out when Chat asks out Balcony Girl. 

Kitkat: She's just a friend!!!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Keep telling yourself that dude. 

Chapter Text

Vulpix: Anyone want to come babysit for me?

Hero In A Half-Shell: for the record, she’s talking about babysitting two disaster twins who cause a hell of a lot of chaos.

Vulpix: Don’t warn them they’ll say no.

Bugaboo: Uh… I have things to do.

KitKat: I’m decent with kids but a friend’s little sisters def scared me off childcare for a while.

Queen Bitch: I’ve never babysat before and I’m probably terrible with kids. I mean my off handed comments can make teens cry so I might just insult them. And if there’s one thing that’s worse than chaotic disaster children, it’s Akumatized chaotic disaster children.

Bugaboo: You also shouldn’t be handing over your babysitting responsibilities to friends.

Vulpix: You know what that’s fair. It’s just tiring because I have things to do. Social things, potential future career things, and now being a superhero.

Vulpix: Used to be my older sister could take half the babysitting duty but then she moved out so now it’s just me every time my parents are at work or on date night which is like. All the time.

Queen Bitch: Is this the right time to say ‘Hey I can throw money at this problem to make it go away’?

Queen Bitch: I meant that I could probably hire a babysitter. Not a hitman.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Fucking hell I didn’t read that as hitman anyway!

Vulpix: I appreciate the offer but this is one of those things where the only solution is really to vent. As much as I want more free time, I love those two gremlins and I’d feel like a jerk handing them over to a stranger.

Bugaboo: I know I just said something about ‘not handing over responsibilities to your friends’, but do any of you want to be Ladybug for a few days? I think I’m starting to get a cold and I don’t want to deal with an Akuma attack when I can’t even stand up without getting dizzy.

KitKat: Big oof. I love you but one day of terror and ‘oh god how do I do this?!’ was enough.

Queen Bitch: Fuck it! I’ll do it! Let me live the dream!

Vulpix: I think you’ve spent enough time dressed up as Ladybug.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You know… it might not be a bad idea to swap. As Chat said, it sucks to be in a ‘oh god how do I do this?!’ situation. If we did a few patrols after trading Miraculous, we could learn to use each other’s powers and fill in if someone’s sick.

Queen Bitch: See! He agrees with me! Not gonna lie I have absolutely designed my own costumes and Hero Names just for this situation! Lady Luck, Duchess Noire, Vixen, and Bombshell!

Bugaboo: That’s actually a good idea. For a few reasons. On top of being sick I’m always a little terrified of what would happen if I got Akumatized. It’s not like I can save myself.

Vulpix: The day you get Akumatized is the day we’re all doomed.

Queen Bitch: Yeah… you’d be a terrifyingly powerful one. And we’d probably need, like, literally everyone to take you down.

Queen Bitch: Actually, you might just break free from Hawkmoth’s control and kick his ass.

KitKat: I will fight whoever hurt you enough to get Akumatized. And that’s being nice because Plagg suggested straight Cataclysming whoever.

Bugaboo: That’s sweet. And Tikki says to remind Plagg about Atlantis.

Hero In A Half-Shell: What does Atlantis have to do with anything?

KitKat: idk but when I told him he shouted ‘That was ONE TIME!’ and now I have concerns.

Vulpix: Did your Kwami sink Atlantis???

KitKat: Purr-haps?

Queen Bitch: FUCK YOU

Bugaboo: No….

Hero In A Half-Shell: I have to deal with enough puns from my best fried not you too…

Vulpix: This conversation is a train wreck and I wonder what other historical events were caused by the Miraculous.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: I just discovered something and I now have a very important question for Ladybug and Chat Noir and depending on your answer I might just murder someone.

Vulpix: Big Yikes.

Bugaboo: Are you okay?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I think I’m just gonna sit this one out.

KitKat: No please I need you to help shield me!

Queen Bitch: Okay, so here’s what happened: I was going through my jewelry and Pollen got stuck in one of my bracelets. I asked why she couldn’t just magically phase through it like she does with everything else, and she told me it’s apparently enchanted, and Kwami can’t phase through some enchanted items.

Queen Bitch: Then I noticed that this was the bracelet that disappeared from my purse the day Sabrina’s dad got Akumatized. So my question is: did Tikki or Plagg steal my bracelet that day?

Bugaboo: It wasn’t Tikki.

Queen Bitch: Chat….

KitKat: In Plagg’s defense, he thought it was cheese. Idk how that helps but you know.

Vulpix: How do you mistake a bracelet for cheese?

Bugaboo: Tikki says ‘yeah looking for cheese and getting stuck in an enchanted bracelet is something he would do’.

KitKat: Chloé please don’t kill him.

Queen Bitch: Don’t worry. I won’t kill him.

KitKat: Okay. Good.

Queen Bitch: I’m going to kill you for not speaking up about it and making me look like an asshole!!

KitKat: Carapace save me!!!

Hero In A Half-Shell: As much as I want to stay away from the line of fire, what does Plagg stealing the bracelet have to do with you looking like an asshole?

Bugaboo: My guess is false accusations that led to an officer getting fired.

Queen Bitch: Hello darkness my old friend. I’m going to ignore that and tell myself that you only said that because you assume it was me being a jerk and ignoring that even as a jerk I do have feelings and such.

Bugaboo: Sorry?

Queen Bitch: Look, while I was wrong about who I accused, my bracelet had been stolen. I didn’t know small magic creatures were involved, so my best suspect was Marinette, who had motive and opportunity.

Queen Bitch: Yet all Sabrina’s dad did was ignore my claims, deciding I was just a spoiled brat who either ‘overlooked the bracelet in my bag’ or was lying to get my classmates in trouble. He did not investigate the missing bracelet. The bare minimum he could have done is search my bag to prove it’s gone and then search everyone else because it couldn’t have left the room.

Queen Bitch: Then the bracelet somehow shows up at the Akuma fight, and the fucker who didn’t investigate shit is rewarded for ‘finding it’, and is reassured in his assumption that I’m just an asshole.

Vulpix: You know when you put it that way you sound like a lot less of a jerk.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I know better than to say ‘hey I wonder if you’re not actually a jerk and this was all a bunch of misunderstandings’, but I do wonder if there were a handful of misunderstandings where people assume you were being a jerk when you’re not.

Queen Bitch: Oh, no. Don’t get me wrong, I have been a total asshole. But there have been a handful of times like that, yes. Even then I can admit that I might’ve been a jerk in those situations too. Like, I was legitimately upset and in the right but I was bitchy about it or whatever.

Bugaboo: Going forward, I highly suggest that when we think someone’s being a jerk or petty or whatever, we take a step back and say ‘hey, is there a legit reason to be upset?’.

KitKat: And that’s why you’re the leader!

Queen Bitch: I’m still gonna kill you.

KitKat: You don’t know where I live!!

Queen Bitch: Bitch I might! Also, I just have to wait for another Akuma.

Queen Bitch: I’m gonna throw a motherfucker at another motherfucker!

Vulpix: Yeeting Chat at the Akuma is actually a typical battle tactic.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You’re not wrong. Usually we throw him for a Cataclysm.

Bugaboo: Ah yes. The Wolverine Special.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: HELLO FRIENDS I AM DYING

Vulpix: Actual dying or being dramatic?

Queen Bitch: Mostly being dramatic but also having a heart attack from a very rude awakening.

Kitkat: What happened??

Bugaboo: Is there and Akuma? Is Mayura after you gain? Is something wrong with Pollen?!

Hero In A Half-Shell: We can be there as soon as we can.

Queen Bitch: Calm down. I know I’m the one panicking in the first place but calm down it isn’t a Magic problem.

Queen Bitch: It’s just that Fang is smart enough to sneak away and figure out my roomcode. So I had to wake up to that.

Kitkat: Yikes. On the bright side, you probably don’t need coffee this morning.

Bugaboo: Oh! Yeah that’d probably make me scream too. He didn’t break anything did he?

Queen Bitch: Not this time.

Vulpix: THIS TIME??

Hero In A Half-Shell: WHAT???

Queen Bitch: Yeah. First time the fucker sneaked in he rounded up all my crocodile/alligator shoes and accessories and just stared me down. I was real tempted to make myself some replacements right then and there. But tbh he’s a big sweetheart and I can’t stay mad at him. Haven’t even bought actual replacements because I feel guilty.

Queen Bitch: He still sneaks in sometimes but I’ve gotten better at locking stuff up while he’s here. He only destroyed one pair of shoes last time.

Kitkat: I had Fang try to get my tail once. Not fun.

Bugaboo: Poor baby.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I feel like I’m missing something and I am very fucking concerned my dudes?!

Kitkat:???

Queen Bitch: Oh! Fang isn’t s person! He’s Jagged Stone’s pet crocodile! He sometimes sneaks into my room, and this time he did it at 3am so I woke up to a crocodile at the foot of my bed. Even knowing it's Fang it's still terrifying to see suddenly. 

Bugaboo: I’m now rereading this without the context and I can see your concerns.

Vulpix: The man has a pet crocodile?

Queen Bitch: Yeah what’d you think he has as a pet? A cat?

Vulpix: ….

Kitkat: I feel like I should be offended at the implication that a cat would be a bad idea!

Bugaboo: A pet cat is only a bad idea if you also have a pet crocodile. Fang might be incredibly tame and more like a dog in a crocodile’s body, but I wouldn’t trust him to be around a cat. It’d be lunch.

Queen Bitch: Fang did try to eat Pollen so yeah. She’s fine though. Just phased through his snout and confused him. He gave me the most pathetic look like ‘But…. I want snack?’.

Bugaboo: I know. He does that a lot. It’s so hard to say no!

Kitkat: Do you just… hang out with Jagged Stone and his pet crocodile often?

Bugaboo: No of course not! I just meant that the few times we were at the hotel for Akuma attacks. You know, when I was planning and you had to go recharge! And occasionally if I'm on solo patrol and they're out on the balcony. Definitely not in civilian form ever!

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Hero In A Half-Shell)

Vulpix: Are we fucking up?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Is this about that comment they made about how weird it’d be for Jagged Stone to have a cat?

Vulpix: Yeah, a bit.

Vulpix: It just slammed me back to when the whole Lila situation started. One of the things she said was saving Jagged Stone’s cat. I honestly forgot about the crocodile. How did I forget about the crocodile? It turned into a dragon when Jagged was Akumatized how the fuck did I fucking forget about the fucking crocodile???????

Hero In A Half-Shell: I think everyone wants to forget about the crocodile.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Also I wasn’t going to bring it up, but since the videos were removed from the Ladyblog….

Vulpix: Yeah. Considering all this… Just being a permanent Hero and getting to talk and hang out with Ladybug a lot...

Vulpix: It doesn’t fit with Lila being Ladybug’s ‘bff’. Ladybug doesn’t tell any of us her secret identity, despite us also being Heroes and proven trustworthy. And she chose us. She even chose Chloé. But not her ‘bff’.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Are you thinking Marinette was right about her?

Vulpix:…. I don’t know….

Vulpix: Maybe I just want to hope Lila couldn’t actually be like that. Maybe I’m just being stubborn and don’t want to face how much of an asshole I’d be if I was wrong. Because dismissing it as jealousy was the only thing that made sense if Lila was telling the truth, but if she isn’t then Mari was just trying to help.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Look if you fucked up we all fucked up, right?

Vulpix: Maybe there’s a middle ground here. Like, Lila couldn’t possibly be lying about everything like Mari claims. It’s possible Marinette picked up on the couple of lies Lila told and then assumed everything else is a lie too, right?

Vulpix: Like all those months she was out traveling! Mari thinks Lila never left Paris, but she has a mom. How would Lila convince her mom to let her stay home for months on end??? 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Maybe. I mean considering who all is in our class it’s believable that Lila knows celebrities.

Hero In A Half-Shell: We have Chloé and Adrien who are rich and famous, you’re the one who runs the number 1 source of Ladybug news, Marinette herself knows a few celebrities and big names in the fashion industry(even if she really wants to throwdown with both of them), Rose texts Prince Ali constantly, and a chunk of our class is in a band that’s gotten a hell of a lot of attention in the short time they’ve been playing.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Also three Superheroes.

Vulpix: Yeah, three superheros and the largest amount of Akumas in one classroom. And Mari does know celebrities, so she’d be able to ask them about Lila even if I can’t.

Vulpix: I mean, I’d ask Rose to text Prince Ali to double check Lila but surely she’s done that already, right?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I think this would be a time make sure. Just in case.

Vulpix: I guess…

Vulpix: I’m still going to do research on things like hypnotic voices and stuff because even if it is only a couple lies I refuse to believe I was that dumb to forget a fucking crocodile.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Hypnotic voices? You mean like a Siren?

Vulpix: Sort of, yeah. I mean, there is Magic in the world. And there could possibly be a magic ability that makes people believe everything someone says unless faced with direct proof.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Don’t take this the wrong way, but…

Hero In A Half-Shell: Do you actually think there might be magic involved, or do you just not want to face that you might’ve messed up?

Vulpix: … Both?

Vulpix: I don’t want to think I can be tricked that easily. I mean, sure I can rush in and make mistakes. Just look at the whole Lady Wifi thing. But on this level? Even before Rena Rouge, I knew Ladybug was big on secret identities. Even if she had told her best friend, she wouldn’t want her best friend broadcasting that where Hawkmoth could see it. So why’d I believe that? Why’d I post it?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I… don’t know.

Vulpix: Well I’m gonna find out.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Hey so about you guys being down to fight my mom.

Queen Bitch: Do you want to just come over and start swinging or should I set up some fuckery that gets her pissed and Akumatized again so that we can punch her in the face without backlash of Heroes attacking a civilian?

Bugaboo: I don’t suggest purposely making her Akuma bait, but if she does end up Akumatized I might look the other way if you guys get a bit rough.

Vulpix: I was planning on playing the long game and reporting on all of her asshole actions and perhaps any scandals to ruin her reputation.

Kitkat: I might be able to help you with that one…

Hero In A Half-Shell: What’d she do this time?

Queen Bitch: Tell me that ‘Honeybee’ is far more Exceptional™ of a hero than ‘Queen Bee’ ever was.

Bugaboo: Big Yikes

Vulpix: Any chance you want to use my Illusions to create a video of Chloé talking to Honeybee about Queen Bee and how great she was, along with how noble you are for giving up being a Hero to protect those you care about?

Queen Bitch: So while I might take you up on that offer, I did already retort with ‘At least Queen Bee didn’t get Akumatized over a seating arrangement’.

Hero In A Half-Shell: OH DAMN

Bugaboo: Part of me wants to remind you that we shouldn’t judge Akuma Victims, but tbh fuck her.

Kitkat: Speaking of that, do you think we could crowd fund Mr. Ramier’s therapy bills? Because if I have to spend another fight with Mr. Pigeon sneezing to all hell….

Queen Bitch: Are you sure we can’t trash talk them a little bit? Because I have a bit of a list. It’s actually organized.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Chloé no.

Bugaboo: Just remember that no matter what, Hawkmoth is the only one to blame for Akumas. Unless you purposely piss someone off in the hopes they become an Akuma.

Vulpix: So I know you just said no, so I won’t ask for the whole list, but how is it organized?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Rena no.

Queen Bitch: Mostly on how Valid™ people’s reasons are. There’s ‘Valid™’, which is for people who were justifiably upset. ‘Valid™ but this is a bit much’ , which is mostly for times where it's normal to be upset but nothing big. ‘Bruh what the fuck?’, which is those I don’t entirely understand what’s going on with them.

Queen Bitch: And of course my mom’s category, ‘You brought this on your own damn self’, which is (mostly) for people who got upset on being called out for something. I kinda need to go back through because I judged some a bit harshly. But you know. It is a little dumb to ask your local asshole to deliver a love letter.

Kitkat: Chloé no

Vulpix: I’m kind of scared where I’d be on that list.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Same….

Kitkat: I actually haven’t been Akumatized yet, but if it ever happens I really hope I’m in the ‘Valid™’ category.

Kitkat: Who knows though. Maybe Hawkmoth will catch me on a bad day when I’m fed up with how much Camembert Plagg eats.

Bugaboo: I’m pretty sure you getting Akumatized will be your dad’s fault.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Speaking of, if we’re going to fight Chloé’s mom can we fight Chat’s dad while we’re at it?

Vulpix: Oh hell yeah!

Queen Bitch: I’m on board.

Kitkat: You know I’m surprised more people don’t want to fight my mom too.

Bugaboo: You mean the mom that’s no longer around?

Kitkat: Okay yeah, there’s that and all. But I meant that most things people want to fight Father for are things that my mom also was a part of? Sure she was a little better when it came to explaining to me their logic behind the stuff they did, but she was still entirely on board with everything Father does.

Hero In A Half-Shell: tbh the way you talked about her I figured she disappeared years ago so I wasn’t going to hold her accountable.

Kitkat: Actually it was only a few months before I became Chat Noir.

Vulpix: When you put it like that yeah now I want to fight your mom a little bit. Not nearly as much as I want to fight Chloé’s mom.

Queen Bitch: At least Chat’s parents are the ‘we love you and think this is for the best even if we’re accidentally hurting you’ kind. You know, cool motive still murder and all that.

Queen Bitch: I’d fight them to try and knock some sense into them and get them to realize how they’re fucking up so that they can be better. My mom is a lost cause so fighting her is just to let out frustration.

Bugaboo: The word you’re looking for is ‘Revenge’.

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Kill me now

Queen Bitch: And you call me dramatic.

Bugaboo: you okay there kitty?

Kitkat: Ugh.

Kitkat: You guys are the only ones who might know my pain. But you know how there are… side effects to using the Miraculous?

Vulpix: I did find myself stalking a pigeon the other day so yeah. Unfortunately.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I don’t know enough about turtle behavior to tell if I’m doing something weird.

Queen Bitch: I might’ve bought an entire flower shop because I couldn’t stop sniffing them.

Bugaboo: One word: Aphids.

Vulpix: Please… tell me you don’t actually eat Aphids.

Bugaboo: You just admitted to stalking a pigeon so you have no right to judge.

Hero In A Half-Shell: So Chat what happened that makes you want to die?

Kitkat: ugh.

Kitkat: I might’ve hissed at a girl?

Queen Bitch: I assume you had good reason so

Queen Bitch: goodforher.png

Bugaboo: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you hiss at someone? Even Akumas.

Vulpix: Tell me it wasn’t Balcony Girl!

Kitkat: Absolutely not! Balcony girl is a friend. If anything I’d purr around her.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You can purr?

Bugaboo: He can and it’s adorable!

Queen Bitch: Remind me to test that next time.

Vulpix: So what’d other girl do?

Kitkat: What hasn’t she done tbh. I try being nice to her but she’s wearing my patience. Biggest thing she does to me directly is just invading my personal space. Usually I either deal with it or make up an excuse to get away.

Kitkat: This time I wasn’t expecting her though and just hissed at her while I jumped away. Managed to brush off the hiss as a cough from her using too much perfume or something, but idk if anyone believes me.

Bugaboo: Okay adding another person to the ‘let’s fight them’ list.

Queen Bitch: Kitten, next time just judo flip her. Please.

Kitkat: It’s not that bad….

Vulpix: Yeah… like, if she’s bothering you enough that you actually hiss at her more than you hiss at an Akuma, then that’s a problem.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Not to victim blame, but have you told her you’re uncomfortable?

Kitkat: A few times. Usually she just brushes it off with ‘I just show physical affection to my friends!’. Though she doesn’t really do it with anyone else, and I know she likes me that way.

Vulpix: Yep. Time to murder.

Bugaboo: Don’t be afraid to reject her just because she might get Akumatized.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Hell, if you do we might get to actually fight her.

Queen Bitch: I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell Adrien every time one of his fangirls get a bit handsy: This is not your fault, and you are 110% allowed to fight back. Whether that means an outright no, pushing her off of you, or judo flipping her over your shoulder.

Queen Bitch: Usually I also tell him that his father would forgive him for the ‘scandal’ if he tells the truth and would go wild with legal action to protect him. But you know. 

Kitkat: Thanks guys. And I’ll… I’ll try to figure out the situation without judo flipping anyone. Or murder.

Bugaboo: It’s still totally on the table though.

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Bugaboo)

Kitkat: Can I ask something?

Bugaboo: Go ahead, kitty.

Kitkat: Do I make you uncomfortable?

Bugaboo: What do you mean?

Kitkat: I mean, with the flirting. And telling you I love you. Even though you rejected me.

Bugaboo: Is this because of what we talked about with that girl you hissed at?

Kitkat: It got me thinking a little, you know?

Bugaboo: Look, that’s a different situation.

Kitkat: But does it make you uncomfortable?

Bugaboo: I… don’t know? Sometimes it does. If it goes too far and you seem to forget that I’m in love with someone else.

Bugaboo: But I know the flirt banter is part of our dynamic. I’d probably hate it if you stopped completely. And I can’t stop you from feeling how you feel.

Kitkat: I’m sorry.

Bugaboo: I just said it’s fine as long as you back off when I ask. Which you’ve done so far.

Bugaboo: Besides, I feel like part of this is my fault.

Kitkat: What happened to ‘it’s not your fault. Don’t victim blame.’?

Bugaboo: Our situation is more complicated than that and you know it.

Bugaboo: I don’t know if you realized it, but I didn’t take your flirting seriously for a long time. I think it didn’t really hit me until I saw that candle-lit rooftop date you set up. So when I flirted back, I thought it was just our banter. But you probably saw it as me returning your feelings.

Bugaboo: And between the two times we kissed, during Dark Cupid and Oblivio, I can’t say there’s nothing there at all.

Bugaboo: Because my mindset with breaking Dark Cupid’s hold on you was ‘True Love’s Kiss breaks the spell’. And while I still don’t know what happened while we were mind wiped, we obviously found something that made us think that without other factors, like that guy I like or secret identities, we might have something.

Bugaboo: And as much as I don’t want to give you some false hope, I get it. Like, if I hadn’t fallen in love with someone else first, maybe we’d have a chance. But I did. And I’m not ready to give up on him. Nor am I okay with saying ‘well, didn’t get with him. Might as well take the guy who’s interested!’.

Kitkat: I get it. And again, sorry for any times I made you uncomfortable.

Kitkat: You know, I did try going on a date with someone else once. The whole time though, I kept thinking about you. And feeling guilty that I was using her to get over you.

Bugaboo: Exactly. Thanks for being concerned though.

Bugaboo: As for your love life, I think you should focus on getting over me before trying again. Or even if you’re not over me, date someone you actually like instead of just trying to find someone to replace me.

Kitkat:….

Kitkat: Are you going to tell me to ask out Balcony Girl too?

Bugaboo: Uh… maybe you should ask her if she’s into anyone before you get too invested in that idea??

Kitkat: Point taken.

Chapter Text

Vulpix: Quick Question: Since you’re handing out more Miraculous, are you going to add them to the groupchat?

Bugaboo: I hadn’t thought about it yet. I was going to wait a bit and see how they do. Especially since they’re not permanent Heroes like you guys.

Queen Bitch: That always confused me. The whole ‘drag them out for one fight and then take the Miraculous away’ thing. I think a new Hero would do better in battle if you gave them the Miraculous for training sessions before throwing them into an actual Akuma battle. And if you let them keep their Miraculous, you wouldn’t have to deal with going and getting whatever we need.

Queen Bitch: Then again, I don’t understand the point of secret identities. Not in the ‘I had a mental breakdown and revealed mine to all of Paris’ way. But because it’d be a lot easier next time an Akuma or Sentimonster can mimic the teammates.

Kitkat: Exactly! It’s a lot easier if we could just pull a ‘He calls me Riza when we’re alone’ thing.

Vulpix: Was that a reference to something?

Kitkat: ….

Kitkat: We’re putting this on a call so we can all watch something together because you guys need to watch that.

Queen Bitch: Maybe don’t start them on fma:b. That’s a little heavy.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Is this an anime?

Kitkat: Yes, and now we have more proof that Chloé is a nerd because she knew exactly what I was talking about.

Queen Bitch: SHUT UP OR I WILL LEAK YOUR KIN LIST

Hero In A Half-Shell: Now that’s a threat.

Vulpix: Think we’ll ever have an Akuma that was upset over Kin drama?

Bugaboo: I think Copycat and Volpina count?

Kitkat: You can’t leak my kin list! I don’t even have a kin list!!

Queen Bitch: Hm…. Blonde cinnamon roll who can seem gentlemanly, but is really a sassy chaotic disaster, affinity for cats, and fell in love with a tiny Asian girl who can absolutely kick his ass into next week.

Queen Bitch: Now, was I describing you, or a certain fma:b character?

Kitkat: …. First of all, fuck you.

Kitkat: Second of all, I saw your sketches for ‘Lady Luck’ so apparently I’m not the only one involved in some kin drama!!!

Queen Bitch: I will strangle you with your tail!!

Vulpix: back to the other Heroes thing….

Bugaboo: I can get the others in here if you want. I guess Chloé does have a point about training them. God knows I wish I had some training before being tossed into battle with Stoneheart.

Bugaboo: Give me a day or two and I’ll see what I can do.

Queen Bitch: Also, please tell me you’re letting Kagami keep the Dragon like you did with me and the Bee.

Bugaboo: I was planning on it, of course!

Chapter Text

Bugaboo has added Viperion, Pegasus, Roi Singe, Bunnyx and Ryuko to the chat.

Viperion’s name has been changed to Danger Noodle

Pegasus’s name has been changed to My Little Pony

Roi Singe’s name has been changed to Monkey Business

Bunnyx’s name has been changed to Wonderland

Ryuko’s name has been changed to I Studied The Blade

Wonderland: Who the hell is picking these names?

My Little Pony: There’s a high probability it was Chat Noir.

Queen Bitch: Unfortunately. I tried to ban him from picking names after he tried to call himself ‘Knight in Shining Leather’ since I don’t have the energy to constantly kinkshame him.

Bugaboo: You kinkshame him anyway.

Hero In A Half-Shell: She kinkshames everyone.

Kitkat: Mostly me.

Queen Bitch: You deserve it after your comments about Ryuko.

I Studied The Blade: What exactly was said about me?

Vulpix: He said, and I quote, “She could stab me and I would thank her!”.

Kitkat: Okay but you all agreed with me so my only crime is not being a fucking coward!!!

Bugaboo: Before things get too crazy, I think we should start with the usual rules.

Bugaboo: The biggest rule is keep your secret identity. You can talk about life things, but keep it vague enough that we can’t figure out who you are.

Queen Bitch: Some people know identities. Ladybug knows everyone but Chat. Chat knows about half of us, I think. Rena and Carapace know who each other are. We all know about Kagami and everyone knows I’m Chloé.

Queen Bitch: And before anyone says something, I’m only saying it because I know someone’s going to scroll up to see our past messages of you four calling me by name.

Monkey Business: Wait, weren’t you Queen Bee? Shouldn’t it be Honeybee in the chat?

Hero In A Half-Shell: She’s both.

Vulpix: She changed her outfit and picked a different name. It also helps that I cast an Illusion to get video of both Chloé and Honeybee interacting.

My Little Pony: And that worked?

Kitkat: People either that, everyone thinks we wouldn’t be dumb enough to try.

Bugaboo: We’re doing the same thing with Kagami and the Dragon.

Wonderland: That’s cool but I have no idea who you are anyway. Like, I saw your name on the news when Ryuko first showed up, but I’ve never met Civilian you.

Queen Bitch: She’s a friend of Adrien’s. Which reminds me. Kagami, I’m going to come grab you so we can go shopping and bond because I'm determined to make Adrien’s friends my friends.

I Studied The Blade: Ah. So you are that Chloé. Adrien has mentioned you.

Queen Bitch: Hopefully it’s good things?

I Studied The Blade: He said he thinks we will get along.

Monkey Business: Not sure that’s a compliment.

Queen Bitch: Fuck off you naked banana!!

Vulpix: Naked banana???

Kitkat: HE LACKS A PEEL!!!!!!

Queen Bitch: Thank you, kitten.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Pretty sure I heard the collective groan.

Danger Noodle: I thought it was pretty funny.

Danger Noodle: Also, regarding Rule 1, what should we do if we figure out someone’s identity?

Bugaboo: Keep it to yourself unless you’re in a dangerous situation. For example, Rena and Carapace know each other’s identities because I had to get their Miraculous to them as quick as possible on Hero’s Day, so I decided that it was worth the risk of them knowing instead of trying to separate them and give them their Miraculous individually.

Kitkat: I’d say Rule 2 is ‘no Kinkshaming’, but I think that’s been thrown out the window.

Wonderland: With how many of us can get ‘is this your Fursona’ questions? Yeah. That’s out the window.

Queen Bitch: See! She gets it!

Hero In A Half-Shell: I was hesitant on that before, but after seeing that Chat's ideas for costume redesign included either an actual bell collar or thigh-high boots, yeah we’re kinkshaming.

Bugaboo: The next rule applies specifically to Pegasus but also to everyone else if they try, which is ‘no hacking the groupchat to try and track us down’.

My Little Pony: I wasn’t trying that. It goes against Rule 1.

My Little Pony: However, I was going to see if I could hack into your weapon communicators. I assume Hawkmoth and Mayura have them too, even if they’re not currently connected to yours. Given that they’re all Miraculous, there might be a way to force a connection and track them down through their communicators.

Danger Noodle: And if that doesn’t work, we can just prank call Hawkmoth until he decides to stop!!

Monkey Business: I have a youtube playlist labeled ‘videos that make my friend want to punch me’ so let’s just call him and play that!

Vulpix: I like you guys.

Kitkat: Any more questions about this?

Wonderland: Yeah, should I really be here since I technically haven’t been given a Miraculous yet?

I Studied The Blade: Weren’t you that Rabbit hero recently? I assumed so because of the name.

Vulpix: It’s complicated….

Wonderland: Not that complicated. The Rabbit’s power is Time Travel. The Bunnyx you guys saw is me from the Future. Meanwhile, I haven’t actually gotten a turn to fight an Akuma.

Wonderland: Well, at least not with Superpowers.

Bugaboo: While you haven’t technically gotten your Miraculous yet, we know we’re going to give it to you soon. So we figured we might as well bring you in now.

Monkey Business: Is there a reason I’m craving bananas?

My Little Pony: That might just be you.

Kitkat: So there might be minor side-effects of being Magically bonded to an animal theme….

Queen Bitch: CHAT CAN PURR

Kitkat: HUSH

Vulpix: Last week I ran up to Carapace and just screamed for a solid ten seconds.

Hero In A Half-Shell: It was very sweet once I stopped being terrified.

Bugaboo: The less I say about aphids the better.

Kitkat: Any other questions?

I Studied The Blade: One for Chloé. About the shopping trip. May I bring my friend Marinette?

Queen Bitch: Didn’t know you two were friends but I’m not surprised. The girl is ridiculously good at making friends. I bet if we threw her in a room with Hawkmoth he’d want to adopt her. I’ve only met one person who didn’t end up adoring her on some level and I’m pretty sure it’s because the bitch is actually soulless.

Queen Bitch: She can come with us. In fact, we’re dragging her with us because I know she’ll do the ‘oh but you two are going to the expensive shops I can’t afford’ thing. And then I’ll offer to buy her whatever because I’m being nice now and she’ll get all ‘no don’t do that!’. But fuck you I’m buying you that dumb fluffy pink skirt I saw last week!

Danger Noodle: Does she go off-tangent like that a lot?

Kitkat: YES

Queen Bitch: Hush.

Bugaboo: Any other questions?

Wonderland: None I can think of.

Monkey Business: I’m good!

My Little Pony: If I think of something else I’ll ask.

I Studied The Blade: I believe we have all we need.

Danger Noodle: I get the idea.

Kitkat: Good. In that case, we’re putting this on call so I can force you all to watch a show.

Bugaboo: Are you recommending ‘fma:b’ again?

Kitkat: Yes because it’s fucking good!

Danger Noodle: It is, but it’s also a bit much.

Queen Bitch: Chat, I love you, but you will absolutely traumatize them. Even ignoring the moments that rip your heart out of your chest and tear it to pieces in front of you, there’s also the blood. A lot of blood. Like, a literal ocean of blood.

Kitkat: That’s only in the vore episode.

Hero In A Half-Shell: THE WHAT

Wonderland: THE VORE EPISODE???

Danger Noodle: I mean… you’re not wrong….

Monkey Business: What’s vore?

My Little Pony: Something I regret looking up.

Vulpix: WE ARE NOT EXPLAINING THIS

Bugaboo: Oh, so when I say ‘we have to get vored by a giant Sentimonster to save the Miraculous!’, it’s a problem. But apparently getting vored into a blood ocean is just fine!!!

Queen Bitch: I thought we agreed to never bring up that fight again because Bananoir haunts my nightmares.

I Studied The Blade: So there truly is a ‘vore episode’?

Kitkat: kinda? It makes sense in context.

Danger Noodle: Everything makes sense in context.

Queen Bitch: Ugh. I know you’re going to be stubborn so want to take bets on who everyone’s favorite character is going to be?

Kitkat: You’re on!!

Chapter Text

Monkey Business: I was casually looking through old messages in this chat and I’d like to hear more about Chloé’s ‘Soulmate Ice Cream’.

Queen Bitch: shut the fuck up right now

Danger Noodle: You mean like that André’s Sweetheart Ice Cream cart?

Vulpix: I forgot about that conversation. But yeah Chloé went there and asked for help figuring out her Ice Cream Soulmate.

I Studied The Blade: Ice Cream Soulmate?

Bugaboo: Oh right! You’re new to Paris! There’s this one guy who sells magic ice cream. If a couple shares a cone from him, they’ll stay in love forever. If you get a single cone though, it’ll be ‘themed’ after who you love.

Kitkat: For example, I got ‘Strawberry with black chocolate chip! Blackberries for her hair, and blueberry just like her sky blue stare!’. Obviously this was because I am in love with Ladybug.

Kitkat: And before anyone debunks it with ‘oh but everyone knows Chat Noir is in love with Ladybug!’, I’d like to clarify I was a civilian at the time.

My Little Pony: I’d be more skeptical if I hadn’t seen the last year and a half of Magic battles between Heroes and Villains.

Danger Noodle: Can confirm. My sister and her girlfriend ended up with single cones after the owner assumed they weren’t a couple, but their ice creams matched each other and he figured it out.

Wonderland: So, what’d our local bee get?

Vulpix: I forget what the flavor combo was, but we helped her narrow down people she knows and we’re pretty sure it’s her classmate Alix.

Queen Bitch: Rena can you not right now?

Wonderland: Oh…

Monkey Business: Really now?! That’s interesting!

My Little Pony: I didn’t know Chloé was gay.

Queen Bitch: That’s a complicated subject because of my mom being a total bitch.

Bugaboo: Oh yeah, that reminds me. Who all wants to join in when we eventually fight Chloé’s mom?

Kitkat: Anyway…. Chloé should probably hurry up and ask Alix out.

Queen Bitch: Fuck you I told you I’ll ask her out after you ask out Balcony Girl!!

I Studied The Blade: Balcony girl?

Vulpix: Chat sometimes goes out and talks with some civilian on her balcony. We’re pretty sure he has a crush on her because who the hell routinely visits the balcony of a girl you don’t have a crush on? But no, she's 'just a friend!!!'...

Kitkat: Even if I did like her and wanted to ask her out, dating a civilian would be impossible because if Hawkmoth finds out he will try to hurt her.

Kitkat: I mean, tbh she could probably handle it. Even without a Miraculous she was able to take the lead and help out, and with a Miraculous she's fucking amazing!!

Monkey Business: Wow. Kinda reminds me of this guy in my class who has a crush on this girl but doesn’t seem to realize she’s not ‘just a friend’. It’s so bad I figured it out and, I’ll admit, I’m not usually the brains of the operation.

Pegasus: It seems there’s one in every class because I know someone like that as well.

Wonderland: I know exactly what you mean. There’s three guys in my class like that. One likes a girl, and the other two like each other but are too dumb to realize it. At least the girl in the situation is aware of her feelings because if she wasn’t I might kill someone.

Vulpix: UGH.

Vulpix: Carapace and I are dealing with that fuckery too.

Danger Noodle: I never experienced that first-hand, but my sister has told me about her class's drama, and she'd love to vent to you guys.

Queen Bitch: Remember what I said about you guys making me go gray?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Is this you complaining about the Adrienette situation? Because big mood my dude.

I Studied The Blade: Adrienette?

Danger Noodle: I’m assuming that’s a ‘ship name’ for Adrien and Marinette?

Vulpix: Yeah, basically.

I Studied The Blade: Their relationship confuses me. When I first met them, Adrien mentioned a girl he liked who kept turning him down. I assumed it was Marinette from how he looks at her, but he says it’s not. And when I interrogated Marinette about it, she stated pretty much the opposite was happening, and she thought Adrien was in love with me.

Queen Bitch: Long story short, Adrien is a dumbass and it’s shortening my lifespan.

Monkey Business: Hey, Chloé, you should send this to Alix with no context!

Monkey Business: https://youtu.be/_nirV1GVW9M

Wonderland: Is this from your ‘youtube playlist of videos that make my friends want to punch me’?

Monkey Business: Yep.

Kitkat: You should totally do that though! Or at least ask her out!

Kitkat: Also if you bring up Balcony Girl again, fuck you.

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Wonderland)

Queen Bitch: Here

Queen Bitch: https://youtu.be/_nirV1GVW9M

Wonderland: Why are you sending this to me?

Queen Bitch: Don’t play dumb. I know it’s you. And I think this counts as an emergency situation since I know neither of us would be able to look each other in the face at school.

Wonderland: Goddamn it.

Wonderland: I don’t even technically have a Miraculous and I’ve already failed the secret identities.

Queen Bitch: Remember who you’re talking to.

Wonderland: Okay, fair. So how’d you figure it out?

Queen Bitch: Once you figure out who Ladybug is, it’s easy since she hands out the Miraculous. Obviously she’s going to pick people she trusts, so just look at who’s close to her and compare them to what the new Heroes look and act like.

Wonderland: You figured out who Ladybug is???

Wonderland: Wait, you figured everyone else out too????

Queen Bitch: whatlikeitshard.gif

Wonderland: Judging from things said in the chat, you haven’t told them that you know….

Queen Bitch: LB will kill me. Then again, she’s killing me anyway with the identity shenanigans.

Wonderland: Hold up. Is Kim on your list of people who might be Heroes?

Queen Bitch: ‘Might be’. He’s Roi Singe. Why?

Wonderland: Because the fucker just texted me asking if I got any ‘interesting messages’ from you and the only way he’d know about that is if he was in the chat.

Queen Bitch: Do you want me to tell you everyone else? Because while I know I shouldn’t, I refuse to suffer alone when it comes to this.

Wonderland: You said you just have to figure out Ladybug and then you could figure out the rest. So give me a hint in that direction.

Queen Bitch: Think of everyone who knows you and Kim enough to trust you with a Miraculous. Then narrow it down to someone who’s short, Asian, has blue eyes and pigtails, scarily good at putting together plans and thinking on the spot, far too sweet of a person. Basically an ‘Everyday Ladybug’.

Wonderland: What

Wonderland: The

Wonderland: FUCK

Queen Bitch: Yeah. It’s easy to figure out everyone else after that, right? Especially with Rena and Carapace flirting during the battle. They’re worse than LB and Kitkat. Then, you know, you. And Kim. And have you figured out Pegasus yet?

Wonderland: Fuckin

Wonderland: I forgot Pegasus appeared on the train. Right after Ladybug and Chat dragged Max off to help them.

Queen Bitch: I’m still not surprised someone hasn’t figured it out when we all disappear during an Akuma attack. I love Miss Bustier, but doing headcounts in emergency situations is not her strong suit.

Queen Bitch: Only one I haven’t figured out is Viperion. He’s not a classmate of ours like everyone else. I know Marinette made friends outside of our class. He looks real familiar though. Maybe he’s, like, Jagged Stone’s nephew or something?

Wonderland: Luka.

Queen Bitch: ?

Wonderland: Juleka’s older brother. Luka. I met him a few times, and I know Mari’s been hanging out with him since the whole Kitty Section thing started.

Queen Bitch: Okay, now that you said it I can see the resemblance. Don’t think I’ve ever met Luka in person. Sill think he reminds me of Jagged though.

Wonderland: So, you said you know everyone, right? But Ladybug doesn’t know who Chat is, so figuring her out first doesn’t help since she didn’t pick him.

Queen Bitch: Figured him out before LB.

Queen Bitch: Blonde, green eyes, dork who loves puns and anime, seems cool but is a disaster. I had my suspicions but the final straw was ‘allergic to feathers’. Because there’s no way all that is coincidence.

Wonderland: THAT SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH

Queen Bitch: Don’t call Uncle Gabriel a bitch!

Queen Bitch: Actually, please do. Everyone else on the Team has already offered to fight Gabriel twice. Once as ‘Adrien’s dad’, once as ‘Chat’s dad’.

Wonderland: Ugh. So how exactly did you figure it out if the rest of us couldn’t?

Queen Bitch: Chat was easier, as there were too many ‘coincidences’. With Ladybug… Marinette dropped her Kwami a while back.

Wonderland: Just- just dropped it?

Queen Bitch: More like ‘she tripped and Tikki got launched out of her purse and right at my feet’. She played it off as ‘it’s just a cute little toy’, but then I met Pollen and realized how similar she looked to that ‘toy’.

Wonderland: At least I can say I didn’t have the most ridiculous Identity Reveal.

Queen Bitch: Oh. And you still haven’t even realized the most fun part!

Wondrland: ??

Queen Bitch: Marinette is in love with Adrien. Chat Noir is in love with Ladybug.

Wonderland: It’s a good thing I’ve invested in hair dye because just the thought of those two getting themselves into some convoluted Love Square with only them in it is very quickly making me gray.

Queen Bitch: Now imagine that, multiplied by several months and dropping hints on both sides of the mask, and you’ll know why they have me going crazy.

Wonderland: Want to take bets on Marinette trying to give Adrien a Miraculous and him trying to wiggle out of it because he’s already Chat Noir?

Queen Bitch: I know for a fact that it’ll happen eventually. My bet’s being placed on it having already happened.

Wonderland: Nah. We would’ve heard about a fight where Chat didn’t show up and a one-off Hero did.

Queen Bitch: True. Okay then, how about a bet on ‘First time Chat gets to hand out a Miraculous, he tries to give it to Marinette’.

Wonderland: That’ll be beautiful.

Wonderland: Hey, can I ask… about the ‘Soulmate Ice Cream’ thing…

Queen Bitch: They were telling the truth about the ice cream probably indicating you.

Wonderland: I guess, but I’m still a little skeptical on the ice cream thing. Yes, even with the Magic Heroes and Villains.

Wonderland: I’m just not sure I want to put my faith in Magic Ice Cream.

Queen Bitch: I’m not either, honestly. But it made me step back and think, you know? And I realized interacting with you is different than everyone else. I’m not sure how exactly to put it.

Queen Bitch: You’re still a good person, like everyone else. But when I get snarky you don’t give me that look, you know? Obvs when I’m being a jackass you still call me out on it. But when we were talking about that time you got Akumatized and I said ‘Sorry these chucklefucks couldn’t remember that a pocketwatch goes in the pocket’, instead of telling me to be nice you just laughed and agreed.

Wonderland: I mean it’s true.

Queen Bitch: I know. But that’s the thing. You and I have more of a back and forth with the snark. When I get like that it’s not just a ‘Chloé no’ or a ‘shut up you evil harpy’. It’s… banter I guess?

Wonderland: I think that’s a good word for it.

Queen Bitch: Well whatever it is I like it. And I’d like to do it more often.

Wonderland: I get it. You know, I’ve kinda realized that when you’re not being an asshole, you’re pretty fun to be around.

Queen Bitch: Is this a confession?

Wonderland: It’s a ‘the future isn’t set in stone, so I’m willing to at least hang out more and see where this goes’.

Queen Bitch: Already preparing for your career as a Time Traveler, I see.

Wonderland: Look, Chat might be known for puns, but we all have to have fun here.

Queen Bitch: I did use ‘Say hello to the ‘New-Bee’!’ for Honeybee’s intro video.

Wonderland: I just got a text from Rose about a thing and it reminded me of something.

Wonderland: If Marinette is Ladybug, and Marinette hates Lila….

Queen Bitch: Then Lila is a trick ass bitch and lying about literally everything while Marinette was just trying to warn everyone?

Queen Bitch: Yeah, basically.

Wonderland: …

Wonderland: So about that plan for people we’re fighting…

Queen Bitch: Probably won’t have to wait long. She’s been Akumatized more times than me.

Wonderland: Legit though, do you have a plan for that? Because right now I have half a mind to go into class tomorrow and start swinging.

Queen Bitch: I’m… working on it. At first I was just going to call her out, but I can see how well that worked for Marinette. And she’s little miss ‘Everyday Ladybug’. So if I try that, it’ll be a ‘oh no you’re just slipping back into your old ways!’ thing and no one will listen to me.

Wonderland: I’m going to at least apologize to Mari.

Queen Bitch: good. I know Adrien knows about this too, but knowing him he’s staying out of it. Which I get. I have a bit more experience with manipulative liars. He’s probably thinking of this like dealing with tabloids and clickbait articles. Just ignore it and it’ll go away.

Queen Bitch: Thought about doing that too, but again, I know the manipulator type. I doubt Lila is going to let go of the fact that Marinette tried to call her out.

Wonderland: You think she’s planning something.

Queen Bitch: Perhaps. All of her popularity is based on lies. Who knows what she’ll do to keep that. For now I’m running interference. Don’t leave Marinette or Adrien alone with her. If she says or does something, counter it.

Queen Bitch: It’s backfiring a little because every time I have to physically pry her off Adrien she does the ‘oh you’re just doing this because you’re jealous!’ act. No bitch. I’m doing it because you’re getting real damn close to assault.

Wonderland: Hadn’t thought about it because I didn’t think of her as a threat but yeah now I see it and yikes. I’m apologizing to Adrien too. And hey, I can do the ‘drag him away’ thing without getting any accusations of having a crush on him.

Wonderland: And then while I distract her, you drop down from the second floor and pile drive her into the pavement!

Queen Bitch: Very tempting. However, my plan might take a bit longer, but not only will it get rid of her, but it will out her as the liar she is.

Queen Bitch: If you wanted to join when I drag Marinette and Kagami out shopping, we can spend the day planning.

Wonderland: I’m in as long as we swing by a few stores that aren’t just clothes.

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Bugaboo)

Queen Bitch: Hey, so I know I’m not good at emotions and being nice and stuff but I can’t sleep so I just wanted to say thanks for believing in me even though I’ve been a colossal asshole all the time.

Queen Bitch: Fuck. It says you’re reading this. I was hoping you’d be asleep so I could say that and then not deal with it until the morning and then distract you when you try to reply.

Queen Bitch: Also it’s 4 am what the fuck are you doing awake?

Bugaboo: Justice never sleeps.

Queen Bitch: Okay Batman.

Bugaboo: In all honesty, I was working on a project and lost track of time. Didn’t realize how late it was until my phone dinged.

Queen Bitch: You do that a lot, don’t you?

Bugaboo: So what are you doing up this late?

Queen Bitch: Avoiding the question, I see.

Bugaboo: So are you.

Queen Bitch: Touche.

Bugaboo: Seriously, you sent an emotional message at 4 in the morning because you couldn’t sleep. What’s up?

Queen Bitch: Just… had a sort of nightmare. Thinking about that time Hawkmoth tried to get me jealous over ‘Honeybee’ stealing the spotlight from ‘Queen Bee’. How it probably would’ve worked if you hadn’t had me create Honeybee.

Queen Bitch: Especially because I know I’ve been terrible and I probably didn’t really deserve that second chance.

Bugaboo: I don’t think you would’ve taken his offer even if you weren’t Honeybee.

Queen Bitch: If you hadn’t helped me realize I shouldn’t have to ‘win’ positive attention from my mom, or helped push me in the right direction, or encouraged people to reach out to me more, I probably would be far worse.

Bugaboo: I wouldn’t say I did all that… I’m sure people in your civilian life helped!

Queen Bitch: You let me be Honeybee, you let me have Pollen as backup. You added me to a groupchat for Heroes where you guys could be friends and help me learn instead of just telling me ‘try and be a better person’ without giving me any direction to go.

Queen Bitch: Plus Honeybee’s intro video on the Ladyblog. You insisted in the interview that the only reason Queen Bee was benched was because of my identity. That I was a good Hero, and sure, maybe not the best person, but that I had enough good to learn.

Queen Bitch: Literally everyone in Paris saw that and went ‘huh. Maybe if Ladybug believes in her, she can be good!’. People at my school have been more patient with me. Instead of brushing me of when I’m bad at being good, they help to remind me.

Queen Bitch: And I still have no idea why you thought that at all tbh.

Bugaboo: Honestly? I met your mom.

Queen Bitch: What the everloving fuck about her would make you think I’m good? Unless it’s a ‘oh god you could be so much worse’ thing.

Bugaboo: Sometimes it’s hard to think of people with different perspectives, with different lives. My parents are very loving. A little busy and chaotic at times, but they love and support me and try to lead me in the right directions to be a good person. Most of the other friends I’ve had, their parents are like that too.

Bugaboo: And that’s what I usually think of when I think of parents. Logically I know that there are horrible ones out there. But your mother was the first time I’ve ever really seen it so blatantly in person. She wasn’t just horrible to you. The only encouragement she gave you was encouragement to be just as horrible as she is.

Bugaboo: I’ll admit, before that, I didn’t really think the highest of you. You were a jerk. And the few times I did see something good peek out, I wrote it off as a fluke, or just ‘the good thing happened to benefit you’.

Queen Bitch: I mean you’re probably right so…

Bugaboo: I was wrong about that. There is good in you. You care about your friends, even if you don’t always know how a healthy friendship works. Which is something you are working on!

Bugaboo: I mean, you chose me as one of your role models. Some part of you wanted to be better.

Queen Bitch: Maybe. Still, thanks for actually believing in me and all.

Bugaboo: You’re welcome. And thanks for believing in yourself, because that’s half the battle.

Queen Bitch: And now it’s cheesy. Try and get some sleep so you don’t end up heading into class with a coffee that’s just twelve shots of espresso in a cup of milk, sugar, and syrup.

Bugaboo: Should I be worried that you know my coffee order?

Chapter Text

Danger Noodle: Hey if I go missing, just check the bottom of the Seine.

My Little Pony: I don’t know you enough to know if you’re being dramatic or not yet.

Bugaboo: I know I dropped him off safe at home after the fight, so he’s probably being dramatic.

Danger Noodle: Any of you have siblings?

Vulpix: Me. One older, two younger.

Wonderland: Older brother.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I have a little brother

Danger Noodle: Okay, so what do you say when you have to go to an Akuma fight, but it means you abandoned your chores and now your little sister is going to kill you for not doing the laundry?

Wonderland: Rest in Fucking Pieces.

Hero In A Half-Shell: F

Vulpix: Big oof

Danger Noodle: Thanks for the help guys.

Monkey Business: On the bright side, you reminded me that I need to check my laundry.

Queen Bitch: On the other hand, I am now having a crisis over ‘holy shit I have no idea how to do laundry’.

Queen Bitch: Why am I having a crisis over this???

Kitkat: If it makes you feel better, I don’t know much about laundry either. I know how to deal with emergency stains when I spill something on a shirt, but I don’t know actual laundry.

I Studied The Blade: I believe you just put the clothes in the machine, add soap, and hit the button. It doesn’t seem that hard.

Kitkat: Yeah but you have to sort stuff first! Colors and whites and delicate items and all that!

I Studied The Blade: Is that really such a problem?

Queen Bitch: I think so. While I’ve never done laundry, I’d assume there’s a difference between washing jeans and washing a silk dress. Not to mention bras.

Kitkat: Also colors bleed, don’t they? I don’t want my white shirts turning into a rainbow of pastels. I could pull it off, of course, but still.

My Little Pony: How have you three not learned the basics of laundry?

Bugaboo: thesedamnrichpeople.gif

Queen Bitch: I want to defend myself but it’s true. I put dirty clothes in a hamper and the hotel staff takes care of it.

Kitkat: We don’t have a 24/7 staff like Chloé’s hotel, but we do have a maid service that comes through a few times a week to keep the place clean. Laundry is on the list of things they handle.

I Studied The Blade: Similar with my family.

Vulpix: What the fuck guys.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Can we put together a patrol night where instead of sparing we teach you basic life skills?

Wonderland: The mental image of a bunch of Superheros heading to the local laundromat to learn how to sort clothes is hilarious.

Danger Noodle: Seriously though, how do you permanent heroes sneak out without people noticing?

Vulpix: My biggest problem is usually if I’m babysitting, since I can’t leave the children alone or bring them with me into dangerous situations. But…. Tbh I was one of those people who would run toward attacks to get it on camera, so everyone thinks I’m still doing that. As long as I Peter Parker that shit, I’m good.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Same on the babysitting thing. Other than that, Rena was usually dragging me along for the fights. And when we’re in class or out with friends everyone kinda scatters to run and hide, so we don’t always keep track of everyone properly.

Queen Bitch: Eh. Most people who know me either scatter, get caught in the attack, or head toward the fight. I don’t have to do much work to get out of a situation.

Bugaboo: People notice when I leave, but I have decent excuses. If the Akuma’s around anyway, I pretend I was either caught in whatever spell it has, or say I was hiding somewhere else. If I have to go to the other side of the city, then, well, I do a lot of things anyway. Helping out everyone. So if I say ‘sorry, I just remembered I have to help someone with a thing’ it’s believable.

Kitkat: There’s a reason I show up late to Akuma attacks. If I’m with friends I can say I had a work emergency. If I’m at work it’s a little harder to disappear.

My Little Pony: You have a job, but you don’t know how to do laundry?

Kitkat: Family business stuff. Can’t tell you which business. But I can tell you that when I do disappear, the people working with me assume I’m being a bit of a diva over things not going right and hiding out, but since my father is their boss they never report me.

Kitkat: Mind you, I’m good at what I do and I’m typically kind to them. But divas are possible in my line of work.

Monkey Business: Are you some sort of actor?

I Studied The Blade: He literally just said he can’t tell you his job.

Kitkat: Acting isn’t my main work, but I did dabble.

Bugaboo: I’m seriously debating having a patrol night where we teach you three life skills. Like laundry. And cooking. And sewing.

Queen Bitch: I vote making it a sleepover and using the hotel kitchens.

I Studied The Blade: I second that. I have never been to a sleepover before. Now that I have friends, I would like to try it.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Well, you’re in luck! Your local DJ and party planner, at your service!

Vulpix: Considering how bad your last two parties have gone? I’m joining this to rein you in.

Vulpix: Think about that for a second: I’m the voice of reason in your party planning!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Okay, you have a point….

Chapter Text

Vulpix: I’ve come to make an announcement: Hawkmoth is a bitch ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking day! He took his butterfly-fuckin Akuma dick out and he pissed on my fucking day. And he said his dick was “this big”! And I said “that’s disgusting!”. So I’m making a callout post in this groupchat: Hawkmoth, you’ve got a small dick. It’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here’s what my dong looks like! That’s right baby, tall flute, no Akumas, no pillows – look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong! He fucked my day, so guess what? I’m gonna fuck his week! That’s right, this is what you get my SUPER LAZER PISS!!! Except I’m not gonna piss on his week, I’m gonna go higher!! I’m pissing ON HIS LIFE! How do you like that Mayura?! I PISSED ON HIS LIFE, YOU IDIOT!!! You have 23 hours before the piss droplets hit the fucking Eiffel Tower! Now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Bugaboo: Oh my god

Kitkat: asd;jkjdhfgajskd

Kitkat: I’M DYING

Queen Bitch: You know I noticed you seemed super upset during the Akuma fight but I didn’t expect this.

Monkey Business: You have murdered me. Don’t attempt to bring me back.

I Studied The Blade: That…. Is oddly specific and I feel like I’m missing something.

Danger Noodle: I’ll dm you the thing

Wonderland: Did you have that typed up and waiting or did you just type it up after that fight???

Hero In A Half-Shell: I watched her furiously type it after the fight. She wouldn’t talk for five minutes just held up a hand to shush me.

My Little Pony: A little confused how wife translates to day, Earth = week and moon = life?

Vulpix: Because 1. I don’t have a wife 2. I’m not going to destroy the moon in rage(yet) and 3. he ruined my goddamn day!

Vulpix: We had this whole thing set up for my bff to confess to her crush. All of our friend group was there hiding in the bushes while they talked and the moment was perfect.

Vulpix: And then Akuma out of fucking nowhere doing their usual monologue drowns out her telling him ‘I love you’.

Danger Noodle: Ouch.

My Little Pony: Akumas do have the worst timing, because something similar happened to my friend.

Monkey Business: Oh. Same.

Queen Bitch: I saw, like, seven large groups in the park doing the exact same thing. Guess today is just a day for spying on your friends while they confess their love.

Kitkat: They probably weren’t all doing love confessions. I mean, I was in the park with my friends and no one had any love confessions.

Wonderland: Oh my fucking god.

Queen Bitch: Now you see what I mean?

Wonderland: That’s bad dude….

Kitkat: I have no clue what you’re talking about but I feel insulted?

Chapter Text

I Studied The Blade: I know I am new to the team, but does Ladybug take suggestions from us on future teammates?

Kitkat: She makes the final decision, but I believe she does take suggestions.

I Studied The Blade: In that case, I highly suggest my friends Adrien and Marinette. Adrien is skilled enough to give me a challenge in fencing, and while Marinette can be somewhat clumsy, her puzzle solving skills are very impressive.

Vulpix: YES

Hero In A Half-Shell: LB you gotta add those two to the team!

My Little Pony: From what I’ve seen of the pair, they do very well during Akuma attacks.

Monkey Business: ABSOLUTELY TOSS THEM IN HERE

Danger Noodle: I know Adrien’s on the potential list but you should add Marinette too. She’d be very helpuful.

My Little Pony: What do you mean Adrien’s ‘on the potential list’?

Danger Noodle: Oh. He was first choice for the Snake Miraculous. But he apparently didn’t work well with it and actually suggested me instead.

Wonderland: Son of a bitch.

Queen Bitch: Guess who owes me money.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Were you betting on Ladybug adding Adrien to the team?

Vulpix: Wait. I don’t have any info on a different Snake? It was always Viperion?

Bugaboo: The Snake’s power is Second Chance. After his attempts as ‘Aspik’, he reset the clock and handed the Miraculous back. I do still think we should give Adrien a different Miraculous.

I Studied The Blade: Why haven’t you added him to the chat then? Since you added Bunnyx, even though she hasn’t received her Miraculous yet.

Bugaboo: I offered, but he said his dad might check his phone. It hasn’t happened yet, but if he does then Adrien’s identity and all of ours would be compromised.

Queen Bitch: I know Gabriel leaves Adrien’s tech alone because if he didn’t then I feel sorry for both of them seeing that search history.

Kitkat: Anyway, how about we discuss the fact that Ladybug needs to add Marinette back to the team?

Monkey Business: What do you mean ‘add her back’?

Kitkat: Marinette was Multimouse. But SOMEONE decided that her ‘identity was compromised’

Vulpix: WHAT

Vulpix: I THOUGHT MULTIMOUSE WAS JUST LADYBUG???

Hero In A Half-Shell: Me too??

Kitkat: Yeah. After we defeated Kwami Buster, Multimouse took off her Miraculous a little early and Honeybee and I saw her. But somehow that means ‘her identity was compromised’.

Bugaboo: It wasn’t because you saw her. It was because Hawkmoth could’ve been still watching the fight.

Kitkat: Then why not do the same thing you did with Chloé and Kagami? Change her costume and name and pretend she’s new.

I Studied The Blade: Call her Mousketeer!

Kitkat: Holy fuck that's perfect!!

Vulpix: Oh my god that’s adorable. And yeah you’d better let her take the Mouse again!

Bugaboo: Look, I offered. But Marinette has a busy schedule. On top of the usual school and homework balancing a social life we all have to deal with, she’s class president, helps out at her family’s bakery, volunteers to help out her friends with their projects, takes on outfit commissions from several clients and building her fashion portfolio, and attempting to get a date with her crush.

Bugaboo: She said I can rely on her if I have to, but thinks that I should get someone with a less hectic life.

Kitkat: Okay, that’s fair, but also know that if you ever let me hand out Miraculous, she’s going to be the first one to get it. My Purr-incess is sweet and wonderful and given a Miraculous she could absolutely run circles around us. I can try to convince her a little, because I know she’s not always confident and that might be why she’s turning down the offer, but she would be an incredible asset to the team!

Queen Bitch: Oh hey. Bunnyx owes me more money. 

Wonderland: Chat, fuck you for the money thing and also the pun. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Did you… did you just call her ‘your Purr-incess’???

Vulpix: Holy shit.

Vulpix: Is Marinette ‘Balcony Girl’????

Monkey Business: Oh my fuck

My Little Pony: Looks like.

Danger Noodle: You know what? Even I’m now on the ‘I think you like Balcony Girl' train knowing it’s Marinette.

Kitkat: She’s a good friend but I don’t like her like that.

Wonderland: Dude, there are two people in this world: People who at some point have a crush on Marinette, and people who are 110% only into men. And I know which side of that I’m on.

Vulpix: True.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Yeah, have to admit to that.

Monkey Business: It was years ago but I did have a crush on her.

My Little Pony: Well there’s the final nail in the coffin of me being gay so thanks for that.

Danger Noodle: I’m currently low-key crushing on her. 

Queen Bitch: I am realizing now that I might’ve had a crush on her but didn’t realize that’s what it was and it manifested in half ‘fuck you for being such a wonderful person’ and half ‘I always thought I might be bad but I know that it’s true, because I think you’re so good and I’m nothing like you’, resulting in basically a ‘Wife Goals or Life Goals?’ debate.

Bugaboo: Did you just confess to having a crush on her through Steven Universe lyrics?

Queen Bitch: Hush.

Kitkat: I’m just now remembering that when LB had me protect Marinette from Evillustrator, she introduced me to her with a selfie of Marinette she had saved to her yoyo and called her cute….

Bugaboo: I’m saying nothing.

I Studied The Blade: I am also realizing I might also be put in that group. However, I am more focused on how all of you know Marinette enough to form a crush on her.

Queen Bitch: She gets around.

Queen Bitch: Wait, that sounded bad.

Queen Bitch: She’s a person who is friends with literally everyone because she can’t help herself from going above and beyond for them. I asked her to get Jagged Stone some sunglasses, and she decides to make them herself, impressing him enough to have her design his album cover and commission her for outfits, until they’re close enough that he calls her his ‘honorary niece’. And that’s just one example! She does that for fucking everyone she comes across! So of course everyone knows her and falls in love with her!

Wonderland: Also, considering the ‘Balcony Girl’ thing, it looks like Chat has some competition from Viperion.

Kitkat: I wouldn’t call it competition….

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m done man. You can’t possibly say ‘she’s just a friend’. You talk her up all the time, you visit her balcony after-hours, you call her petnames like ‘Princess’, and you just declared that you’d give her a Miraculous over any of your other friends in your civilian life. Can you imagine literally anyone else you would do all that for?

Kitkat: …

Kitkat: You might have a point and if you do that makes a lot of things more complicated.

Queen Bitch: I told you your love life is a train wreck.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: getinlosersweregoingshopping.png

Kitkat: I see you four are having fun.

I Studied The Blade: She has helped me set up an Instagram, and there are more pictures there.

Hero In A Half-Shell: All things considered, I’m surprised Chloé doesn’t send more selfies here.

Queen Bitch: The only reason I have refrained from spamming this chat with pictures is that Pollen doesn’t show up on camera.

Queen Bitch: Which sucks because she looks so cute!!

Vulpix: I’m kinda glad Kwami don’t show up on camera. Trixx tends to get in my shots too much, and if I had to edit him out of my videos, I’d end up missing one shot and causing a hell of a lot of problems.

Queen Bitch: Okay, it’s a good thing they don’t show up on camera. But it sucks because Pollen looks so cute! I actually went and bought this huge dollhouse for her, so she has a cute little bedroom of her own. And I managed to find a doll line that has clothes in her proportions. Most of those outfits are cheap and terrible, but I know how to find plenty of people who customize dolls and commission them to make more fashionable outfits.

Bugaboo: I feel like I’m supposed to say ‘she’s not a doll, she’s an ancient magical creature!’. But I did make some tiny outfits for Tikki.

Vulpix: Trixx was reading this and now wants some cool outfits. You’ve created a monster. Are you happy?

My Little Pony: From the short interactions I’ve had with Kaalki, I think she’d like that too. She’s basically Rarity from Mlp.

Queen Bitch: Oh fuck. Just got a text and I feel like I should warn this chat that you should probably be on high alert for Akumas next weekend.

Monkey Business: What are you planning?

Queen Bitch: You rude ass bitch. I’m not planning anything.

Danger Noodle: Then how do you know there’s going to be an Akuma?

Queen Bitch: Because Adrien just texted me that his cousin is visiting. And he’s…..

Queen Bitch: I love Felix, but he’s kind of a jerk. Not like I was, because I’d just insult everyone for the hell of it. But he’s kinda cold and aloof and will insult people who are annoying him, even if said ‘annoyance’ is just them being all sunshine-y.

Bugaboo: So you think he’ll accidentally piss someone off and they’ll get Akumatized?

Queen Bitch: Basically.

Kitkat: She’s probably right. I know a few people like that and they are absolutely the ‘accidentally cause an Akuma’ type. Good thinking on being prepared.

Wonderland: Well, since you know Felix best, any chance you can guess who’s going to get pissed off?

Queen Bitch: My bet? Adrien introduces Felix to his friends at school. If I had to get more specific? I’d say that someone assumes Felix is Adrien and gets confused/angry when he tells them off.

I Studied The Blade: I will keep that in mind when he shows up.

Vulpix: Do they look that similar? I don’t think cousins are usually that identical that you would mistake them for one another.

Queen Bitch: They’re obviously related, but Felix is more angular I guess? He was also taller, but that was a year ago so idk if Adrien caught up. Also his eyes are blue-gray. You could probably mistake them for one another if you didn’t look closely but you know.

Wonderland: Anyone want to take bets on which one of Chloé’s classmates get Akumatized over him?

Monkey Business: Let me get back to you on that once I think it over but I am absolutely taking you up on that offer!

My Little Pony: I’ll get the scoreboard out.

Bugaboo: Guys… you shouldn’t bet on Akumas.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Don’t think of it as betting. Think of it as strategic speculation. So we know what we’re up against.

Vulpix: That’s devious as hell and I love you for it but it’s absolutely still betting on Akumas because money is changing hands.

Vulpix: My vote’s on Mylene. She’s sweet but a bit jumpy

My Little Pony: I would also suggest Rose. She can be sensitive and doesn’t react well to meanness.

Danger Noodle: In that case, I’d like to toss in Ivan on behalf of Mylene getting upset, or the same thing with Juleka and Rose.

I Studied The Blade: I am unfamiliar with most of Adrien’s classmates, but while those sound like good candidates, I have to vote for Marinette. Even though I really don’t want her to get Akumatized. I know her luck around Adrien tends to be… not the best.

Monkey Business: Oh. Yeah. Good point. My vote’s on Marinette too. I can imagine her trying to talk to Adrien only to get a ‘who the hell are you?’ from Felix and it breaking her heart.

Vulpix: You have a point….

Kitkat: I really hope not because Akumatized Marinette is not someone I want to fight. Not just because I care about her but also because she would probably be the closest an Akuma ever comes to winning.

Wonderland: Give the girl some credit. Her eye for detail’s pretty good. She’d probably notice Felix is someone new.

Queen Bitch: You know who my money’s going on? Lila. If she mistakes Adrien for Felix and tries to act the same way around him, Felix will absolutely have some very unkind comments about her. And considering Lila seems to get Akumatized every time someone tells her no, we can assume she’ll throw a tantrum about it.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Remember what we said about being nicer? ‘Throwing a tantrum’ isn’t the best way to talk about being Akumatized.

Danger Noodle: Usually I’d agree with her being harsh, but getting Akumatized every time you’re told ‘no’ is a huge red flag.

I Studied The Blade: I will admit to some jealousy after the picture of her and Adrien, but from the fact that Adrien avoids talking about her I don’t trust her.

Queen Bitch: Look, it might be ‘mean’, but she’s the one who’s been Akumatized four times now so you know.

Monkey Business: Four times??

Queen Bitch: Volpina twice(the second time was on Hero’s Day because she's the only one who could've made the Illusion of Akuma!Ladybug killing Chat), then Chameleon, and do not get me started on Miraculer!

My Little Pony: I hate to say it, but four Akumatizations is statistically very high. Not counting anyone on Hero’s Day, the only person to have been Akumatized that many times is Mr. Pigeon. And he’s at least a decent strategy as he basically takes Chat Noir out due to allergies.

Kitkat: Thanks man.

Vulpix: So… why did she become Volpina the first time? The Ladyblog says she didn’t want to talk about it, but LB and Chat know, right?

Bugaboo: About that… It’s kinda my fault?

Bugaboo: After I saw her interview, I went to confront her about making herself a target like that. But I got a bit heated and mostly just yelled at her in front of a boy she was trying to impress. I apologized after, but I thought she was fine after until Hero’s Day and Chameleon when she showed up and caused problems again.

Monkey Business: So… I’m guessing that interview wasn’t real then?

Bugaboo: The only time ‘Ladybug’ has interacted with Lila has been either when she was an Akuma or when an Akuma was after her. And no one knows my identity. Not my best friends, not even my parents.

Queen Bitch: Exactly my point. LB calls her out for pretending to be her ‘bff’, she gets Akumatized. Marinette is hella skeptical of her, she gets Akumatized. I don’t fall for her bait, and she gets Akumatized.

Wonderland: Now that you mention that ‘falling for her bait’ thing…. What did happen with Miraculer?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I remember her saying she got in a fight with you and… not really questioning it because while you’re trying you’re still not always the best…

Queen Bitch: Ugh. It was about the whole ‘Queen Bee got benched and replaced with Honeybee’ thing. Lila came up all ‘hey, I’m bffs with Ladybug and I can probably talk to her about getting you back on the team! Maybe with a different Miraculous?’. Since I’m already Honeybee and I have this Groupchat if I want to talk to LB, I told her to fuck off.

Queen Bitch: She changes tactics to ‘you know what? My bff Ladybug said Queen Bee was a terrible teammate! I was sure she was wrong and wanted to give you a chance to prove it but if you’re gonna be like that, then fuck you’.

Queen Bitch: I told her to fuck off again, but it does kinda hurt knowing that people hate ‘Queen Bee’ because everyone knows she’s ‘Chloé’ while praising ‘Honeybee’ even though we’re the exact same goddamn person.

Danger Noodle: Damn. Out of the two of you I would’ve expected you to be the one Akumatized.

Queen Bitch: Not gonna lie, Hawkmoth did try. But I told him to fuck off too. Kinda easy since his offer was ‘fight Honeybee, reclaim the Bee Miraculous, and prove Ladybug that you can be great!’. You know, since I can’t fight myself and LB already knows I’m a good teammate.

Queen Bitch: Next thing I know, Lila’s Akumatized and Mayura is trying to convince me to let the team be distracted by Miraculer so I can ‘lure Honeybee away and steal her Miraculous’.

Kitkat: I didn’t know about any of that part. If I did I might’ve considered Lila more of a threat.

I Studied The Blade: I would suggest Chloé keeps an eye on her. I will as well if I have to interact with her.

Vulpix: Is she really a threat? Obviously Akumas are threats and she does seem to be getting Akumatized a lot, but it might not be her fault.

Hero In A Half-Shell: What are you thinking?

Vulpix: I think it could be Hawkmoth focusing on that school. Most of Chloé’s classmates have been Akumatized, some more than once. He knows about Queen Bee. There was that Kwami Buster incident. And….

Vulpix: There’s also the Ladyblogger there. Who advertised Lila’s interview like a jackass without checking sources.

Monkey Business: Hey! Don’t be mean to Alya!

Vulpix: All I’m saying is Hawkmoth might be focusing on that school and hitting anyone who might be upset. So Lila might not be ‘wildly prone to Akumatization’. She’s just having a bad time and Hawkmoth’s using that to his advantage while he’s watching.

Bugaboo: Okay, so schedule for next weekend is 1. keep an eye on Felix. 2. keep an eye on Lila. 3. figure out why Hawkmoth might be focused on Chloé’s class.

Queen Bitch: On that note, you guys did remember that this weekend is the one where we agreed to have that sleepover, right?

Bugaboo: FUCK

Danger Noodle: I’m assuming that’s code for ‘I forgot’.

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Hey, other permanent heroes

Kitkat: You guys ever have issues with getting your Kwami their favorite snack?

Queen Bitch: Not really. No one really pays attention to my spending or eating habits. Though it is a problem when the honeysticks I buy decide to break and I have deal with a sticky purse. I'm glad that Sabrina’s good at cleaning things on the fly because yikes.

Bugaboo: I always had a sweet tooth but my parents think I’m stress eating.

Bugaboo: Granted, half my cookie stash is to feed Tikki while the other half is stress eating. They said they’re a little worried about the uptick in snacking but since I’m still healthy they’re not too bothered by it.

Hero In A Half-Shell: My parents wonder why I suddenly have an interest in tea.

Vulpix: Ugh. It’s hard to keep berries on hand. Luckily Trixx has taken a liking to my mom’s cooking. Unluckily, he sometimes forgets that my family isn’t supposed to see him.

Vulpix: You know that scene in the Iron Giant where Hogarth has to keep his mom from seeing the giant’s hand wandering around the kitchen? That’s what dinner’s like.

Kitkat: I’d rather deal with that than the Camembert.

Kitkat: I know for a fact that he can eat other stuff! Ladybug’s had to give him cookies in emergency situations! But no! The little fucker decided that ‘only the finest, smelliest Camembert’ is good for him to eat!

Wonderland: Considering what you've mentioned your financial situation, I don’t think it’s that big of a problem.

My Little Pony: Unless his father looks through his purchase history.

Kitkat: I’m 99% sure he doesn’t do that, but I will also be a hell of a lot more paranoid about my future purchases so thanks.

Monkey Business: And just what scandalous items would you be purchasing?

Danger Noodle: Sitting here and speculating would just make it weird.

Queen Bitch: Good point. I think the implied kinkshaming is enough

Hero In A Half-Shell: why does it always go back to that?

Bugaboo: Okay, I just had an extremely #Cursed thought and if I have to think about it so do you

Bugaboo: Kinkshame Akuma

Vulpix: WHY

Hero In A Half-Shell: bruh what did I just say??

Kitkat: Current mood tbh

I Studied The Blade: I really hope Hawkmoth has some standards.

Wonderland: He’d better have standards or else I’m kicking his ass twice.

Queen Bitch: Wait, would it be a ‘kinkshaming is my kink’ thing where the Akuma gets more powerful the more you kinkshame? Or would it be one that makes you confess your kinks when hit?

Danger Noodle: Either way, never have I ever been glad about the anonymity of secret identities.

My Little Pony: Considering the way Akumas usually work, I’d say both.

Monkey Business: Wow. First time I might be feeling some actual fear.

Chapter Text

Spoiler And A Half has been created

Queen Bitch has added Kitkat and Danger Noodle to the chat.

Kitkat: Oh my god I hate you so much.

Queen Bitch: That’s a lie and you know it.

Danger Noodle: What is this?

Queen Bitch: Since Chat somehow managed to convince everyone else that we should spend some of the sleepover watching FMA:B, I figured that the three of us who have seen the series before should have somewhere to discuss the more spoiler-y things.

Kitkat: And you had to name the chat that?

Queen Bitch: Yes. Because it’s a groupchat about fma. What was I supposed to name it? #TeamDadIssues? Searching for Cryptids? Kin Drama?

Danger Noodle: And now I’m lost.

Kitkat: She’s referencing a fic we’ve both read.

Queen Bitch: Actually, later I’m sending it to you and you can update us with your reactions as you read.

Queen Bitch: For now, let’s keep to either headcanons or wild speculations about something we notice on the rewatch.

Kitkat: The headcanon I like to drop on people always starts with ‘Hohenheim does, in fact need glasses. It’s not for Aesthetic™. However, as Father copied his body, he does need glasses. He just never realizes this.’

Danger Noodle: Completely believable because every character in this show is like

Danger Noodle: metronomeme.png

Kitkat: Now that’s just a whole ass mood.

Queen Bitch: True. Actually I’m saving that to send to the main chat later because boy howdy.

Queen Bitch: See, you like to jump to the wild-but-mild ones, while I go for self-projection. Mostly because when we first watched the series, Adrien compared Ed’s milk hatred to my hatred of soup, so I assume that milk hatred is a texture issue.

Danger Noodle: You have a hatred of soup?

Queen Bitch: YES

Queen Bitch: It’s warm liquid food! Sometimes it’s chunky! At least things like milkshakes and smoothies are fine! Those are sweet! And I can handle savory gravy or something but soup is just ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!!

Kitkat: Have I ever told you that the way you describe soup is disgusting?

Queen Bitch: Yes.

Kitkat: …. Anyway, Viperion, you got any headcanons or theories that make me not want to never eat again?

Danger Noodle: Usually I like to drop “Ling Yao technically went through the Gate of Truth and it’s never acknowledged”, just to see people’s faces.

Danger Noodle: Yep. Real glad I mentioned that because your expressions are priceless.

Queen Bitch: No no no

Queen Bitch: You need to elaborate. You can’t just drop that on us and not elaborate!

Kitkat: Does it have to do with the whole ‘Greedling’ thing?

Danger Noodle: I know you both remember the ‘vore episode’, unfortunately. But remember how they got out of the hellpit? They went through the Gate. Ed already went through before, so no one cares. Envy is a Homunculus and therefore an outlier that can’t be counted. But Ling also went through the gate.

Danger Noodle: Everyone forgets because right after that we get the whole reveal of Father and also ‘Greedling’ and a hell of a lot happens at once, so it’s kind of forgotten.

Danger Noodle: Again, your expressions are priceless.

Kitkat: Oh my fucking god.

Kitkat: Okay, when we get to that episode in the rewatch, I’m paying a hell of a lot more attention.

Queen Bitch: We can discuss that later. For now, there’s a second reason I made this chat: so I could quietly tell you two to run.

Danger Noodle: Run?

Queen Bitch: Do you really want to be around for their reaction to the end of this episode? Because as priceless as their expressions will be, I don’t feel like getting murdered.

Kitkat: I now regret having everyone watch this while we have a sleepover.

Danger Noodle: …

Danger Noodle: Are we going out through the balcony or hiding in the hotel?

Team Chat

Bugaboo: GET THE HELL BACK HERE YOU THREE

Queen Bitch: Yeah… I don’t really feel like dying tonight so no.

Vulpix: WHAT THE FCUK YOU GUYS

Danger Noodle: Look…. we introduced you guys to this series by mentioning ‘the vore episode’. What did you honestly expect?

Bugaboo: NOT FUCKING THAT

Bugaboo: Carapace is sobbing! Roi Singe is just facedown on the floor muttering ‘why??’ over and over!

Bugaboo: Kagami is fucking catatonic!

Kitkat: ‘CAT’- atonic, you say? >:3c

Wonderland: You’re already going to get killed do you want to add puns to your list of crimes?

Vulpix: Seriously though, what the FUCK

Vulpix: How the fuck can you just do that? We’re not even five episodes in and we already have the horrific act of a man fusing his kid with a dog! What the hell is the rest of this???

Bugaboo: You know…. The way you talked about the ‘vore episode’ made me assume it wouldn’t be that big of a thing. But after…. That….. How horrific is that going to be???

Danger Noodle: We were not kidding about the blood ocean.

Queen Bitch: Think about it this way: Despite that whole thing happening real damn early, the series is good enough that people watch and enjoy the rest of it.

Queen Bitch: And I mean ‘legitimately enjoy’ not ‘enjoy making others watch to react’.

Kitkat: Yeah. That said, there’s a hell of a lot of cool moments and plot twists that I can’t wait to see you guys react to.

Wonderland: I think we might need a break from this before continuing on with that. We can do other sleepover things like CAH for a bit.

Danger Noodle: That depends. Are we going to get killed if we come back?

Vulpix: No, because someone decided to make a post on their Hero Instagram that told us exactly where you are!

Kitkat: Damn it Chloé

Queen Bitch: LOOK

Queen Bitch: I had to tell the universe that we broke the team with fma! We’re already getting comments asking for live reactions to the rest of the series!

Wonderland: Not a bad idea. I think it’d be great views if we can upload it directly to the Ladyblog

Vulpix:….

Vulpix: Hey LB I change my mind that’s a great idea!

Bugaboo: Two rules on that: 1. Everyone has to be transformed, even Chloé and Kagami. 2. it can’t be a livestream because I want to be able to go over things to make sure there aren’t hints to identities.

Kitkat: This is going to be beautiful

Hero In A Half-Shell: Okay. I’ve recovered enough to ask something:

Hero In A Half-Shell: You know how we have that list of parents we are 110% ready to throwdown with? Can we add fictional parents to that?

Danger Noodle: So… there are a couple asshole dads in this. We’ll get to them later.

Kitkat: We do get one good dad! But for the most part yeah you want to fight the dads. 

Queen Bitch: There’s a reason for #TeamDadIssues. I'd argue that the one dad is less 'complete jackass' and more 'world's okay-est dad' but people have Opinions™

Vulpix: I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?

Kitkat: You’re going to suffer, but you’re going to be happy about it!

Wonderland: Okay, no referencing Harry Potter fuck jkr

Queen Bitch: Trust me, you’re going to find Harry Potter a hell of a lot more horrific after you watch this.

Bugaboo: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN???

Kitkat: >:3c

Danger Noodle: >:3c

Queen Bitch: >:3c

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Danger Noodle)

Kitkat: Hey… do you want to… you know. Talk about that thing that happened at the sleepover?

Danger Noodle: You mean Chloé and Bunnyx trying to set us up through party games?

Kitkat: Kinda. I mean, there was the ‘getting tossed into seven minutes in heaven on the first dare thing’.

Kitkat: And idk if you noticed but she was trying to fix the Cards Against Humanity game to have too many innuendos directed at us.

Danger Noodle: I think that’s just how the game goes.

Kitkat: No. She made a reference to a fanfic we both read that involved two guys flirting through that game and ending up a couple. She knew what she was doing.

Danger Noodle: That’s… oddly specific.

Kitkat: Yeah. That’s how I know she was trying to set us up. Which is weird because she was practically throwing me at Marinette. Even back when it was just ‘balcony girl’.

Danger Noodle: Well… Chloé is Marinette’s classmate. Maybe she knows that Marinette has a crush on someone and is trying to give you a new option?

Kitkat: You realize you admitted to having a crush on Marinette too. I mean, apparently everyone does! But you’d think she’d try to make us competition. I guess it’s a ‘neither of you have a chance so go for the other’.

Kitkat: Ugh.

Kitkat: She’s right my love life is a train wreck.

Danger Noodle: So you like two people. It’s not the worst thing in the world.

Kitkat: It’s… not just two. And it’s not that easy.

Kitkat: Obviously there’s Ladybug, but as much as I love her there are problems. The biggest being 1. she loves someone else and 2. the whole Secret Identity thing kinda prevents us from being together even if she loved me back.

Kitkat: And then there’s Marinette. Which…. Yeah I’m kinda realizing not just that I like her, but how long this has been going on. I kept thinking over and over ‘when did this happen’, and I always up at one of our first interactions, barely a few hours after I fell for Ladybug.

Kitkat: On top of that, there’s another girl in my civilian life. And she does actually like me back! But every time I’m with her, I keep thinking about Ladybug and Marinette. Which isn't fair to her.

Kitkat: And… look I’m not going to lie, but Chloé trying to set us up is making my mind wander places it probably shouldn’t. And I’m super sorry about that, but I also don’t know whether to count it or not.

Danger Noodle: I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t gotten to me a bit too. So as for all this, I get it.

Danger Noodle: You’ve got a few melodies stuck in your head, trying to be a song. It happens sometimes. But there’s a few solutions.

Kitkat: ?

Danger Noodle: The first solution is to pick a melody and work on it until it becomes a song. The second is to scrap all of them and find some new inspiration.

Kitkat: Yeah, those are difficult. ‘Choosing one’ is near impossible because they’re all amazing and it seems unfair. Especially as it makes the one look like a ‘well, I couldn’t have the others, so let’s do this!’ choice. And I’ve tried ‘scrapping the song completely’. It’s why that third girl is in there. But I feel guilty because the other two are there and I can’t just ‘move on’ properly.

Danger Noodle: Which is where the third option comes in:

Danger Noodle: Take all of the melodies and turn them into one song.

Kitkat: ?

Danger Noodle: Polyship.

Kitkat: Oh. Huh.

Kitkat: That seems like a perfect solution if it weren’t for the fact that everyone would have to be okay with it.

Danger Noodle: There’s no harm in suggesting it, though if someone’s not okay with it you should use a different solution.

Kitkat: I’ll keep that option in mind.

Kitkat: Thanks for letting me ramble this out though. 

Danger Noodle: You're welcome.

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Bugaboo)

Kitkat: Are you awake?

Bugaboo: I’m always awake.

Kitkat: I know. You should really sleep.

Bugaboo: Are you okay?

Kitkat: Just a nightmare.

Bugaboo: Oh. What kind?

Kitkat: The kind that has to do with Miraculous things so I can’t talk to many people about.

Kitkat: I mean, we have the Team now, but…

Kitkat: Even discounting the romance aspect of us, you’re one of my best friends.

Bugaboo: Are you okay? Or do you want to meet up somewhere?

Kitkat: I think I’m good now that I’m awake.

Bugaboo: Can I ask about the nightmare?

Kitkat: Basically in the nightmare my father was Hawkmoth and he was a million times worse than usual? Destroying my love life so that my dream girlfriend would get Akumatized. Akumatizing me into something that straight up destroyed goddamn everything.

Kitkat: On a lighter note, I blame Rena for part of the dream. Because ‘destroying goddamn everything’ included some super lazer piss on the moon.

Bugaboo: Chat… are you okay?

Kitkat: I’m calmer because I’m awake? Now I can rationally tell myself that even if my father was Hawkmoth, he’d never be that big of a dick.

Bugaboo: Are you sure?

Kitkat: Am I sure my father isn’t Hawkmoth? Or am I sure he wouldn’t be that big of a dick?

Bugaboo: Both?

Kitkat: I’m pretty sure he’s not Hawkmoth? We know his power has a limited range, thanks to the whole Startrain incident. And he’s been out of the country during an attack before. Sure, Hawkmoth could leave town and give the Butterfly to Mayura so she could be his alibi, but the only woman who could possibly be her in that scenario was also out of the country.

Kitkat: As for him 'not being that big of a dick', well... I know he can be a fuck. But at the end of the day, he cares about me more. He tries to restrict me 'for my safety', but when I really put my foot down he tends to let me go. Like with the whole thing about going to school. And the few times Civilian!Me was involved in an Akuma attack, he's worried. 

Bugaboo: It's good to know you're confident in that, but...

Bugaboo: Not to be that person, but it seems like that whole ‘they were out of the country’ thing is the only reason you’re sure he’s not Hawkmoth.

Kitkat: I… wouldn’t be entirely surprised. If my father was Hawkmoth, his motive would be bringing my mom back. And tbh, ‘becoming a Supervillain to save his wife’ is 110% something he would do.

Bugaboo: thesedamnrichpeople.gif.

Kitkat: Fair.

Kitkat: But it does make me think, you know? We have no idea what Hawkmoth’s motivations are. Even if it’s not my father, what if it’s a similar situation? A man desperate to bring back someone he loves?

Bugaboo: I think, considering your anime choices, you know better than to try and bring back the dead.

Bugaboo: And that whole ‘Equivalent Exchange’ thing helps me explain. Our Miraculous could grant one wish that could do anything, but with a price. To bring someone back to life, you have to take that life away from someone else.

Kitkat: I get it. But I’m not saying ‘if it’s for a good cause, let’s hand our Miraculous over!’.

Kitkat: I mean that I’d judge Hawkmoth differently depending on why he’s doing this. Is he some generic evil asshole who just wants world domination? Or is he a guy who’s really deep in the bargaining stage?

Bugaboo: Part of me wants to say ‘who cares, he’s still a goddamn supervillain!’. But there is a difference, isn’t there?

Bugaboo: Maybe if this job had been given to some adults, they’d be able to step back and say ‘no. There isn’t a difference. Hawkmoth deserves punishment no matter what’. But we’re some kids who are still sunshine-y enough to think there’s good in most people.

Kitkat: So what do we do?

Bugaboo: No matter what, we have to stop Hawkmoth and get the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous back. After that? I think it depends on a lot of things. How far he ends up going, what his motive was, that sort of thing.

Bugaboo: Of course, that all depends on if we get the chance or not. If the final battle is so public that his identity is outed, we won’t have much of a say in it.

Kitkat: So, we just go ahead like we’ve been doing and figure it out when we get there?

Bugaboo: Basically.

Kitkat: It’s a problem for Future!Us

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: I hate to ask, but I need help with something.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Since when do you hate to ask people to help you?

My Little Pony: You do realize that you consistently ask this chat for help with Physics homework?

Queen Bitch: Look, that’s different. Asking for help with homework? Fine. Asking for help lifting something heavy? Fine but also unnecessary now that I’m a superhero because you would not believe the muscle you build up parkouring around Paris.

Queen Bitch: Asking for help dealing with friendship problems…. that’s harder.

Bugaboo: While Pegasus’s nickname is ‘My Little Pony’, I think we’re all here to be your Twilight Sparkle!

Kitkat: Chloé is the Sunset Shimmer to Ladybug’s Twilight Sparkle. And I feel like that makes me Flash Sentry, but Viperion is our guitar guy.

Danger Noodle: We’ll sort it out later, but one of us is Flash while the other is Timber Spruce.

Vulpix: Are we just kinning mlp characters now?

Monkey Business: Perhaps.png

Wonderland: I think that while Sunset’s character development matches Chloé’s current arc, she fits Diamond Tiara’s backstory more.

I Studied The Blade: I believe Chloé had a problem she needed help with?

Queen Bitch: Yeah. With the Silver Spoon to my Diamond Tiara. AKA: Sabrina.

Queen Bitch: It’s been pointed out to me that I ‘treat her like a servant’. While I’d argue that we are actually friends who do friend things, she does tend to do a lot of things for me. And I’m trying to fix that.

Queen Bitch: But telling her ‘hey, you don’t have to do all these things for me’ never really worked out before.

Vulpix: What do you mean ‘before’?

Bugaboo: Have you… told her to stop before?

Queen Bitch: Sometimes. Like with homework. Sure, I don’t like to do homework. Who does? But I’m smart enough to know that if I let her do my homework I’d be so screwed on tests or if she moved away and couldn’t do it anymore or something.

Queen Bitch: But when I ask her to stop, she panics and thinks I’m abandoning her. And tbh, the fact that I'm hanging out with other people now and sometimes being secretive about what I'm doing because of Hero Duties is Not Helping™.

Kitkat: You know, I completely forgot about this. But I saw something similar way back when I was protecting Marinette from Evillustrator.

Kitkat: Sabrina did Mari’s homework and insisted on her taking it. Then when Marinette tried to say ‘hey there’s an Akuma after me so maybe this isn’t the best time to work on a project’, Sabrina only let her say ‘this isn’t the best time’  before kinda snapping at her?

My Little Pony: I’m not a psychology expert, but it sounds like someone convinced her she needs to be useful to be worth something. And someone rejecting that usefulness in favor of kindness confuses her and makes her lash out.

Queen Bitch: oh. Big Mood™

Danger Noodle: That’s a hard Yikes from me on that.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Bro…

I Studied The Blade: I feel like perhaps friendship is actually complicated and difficult for everyone, not just me.

Bugaboo: I think the best advice I can give is that it will be a process. And difficult. Just like how you’re unlearning the terrible things your mother taught you, she has to spend time unlearning all that.

Queen Bitch: I guess. I just… ugh. How do I put this without sounding sappy?

Queen Bitch: I don’t want her to be upset because I care about her.

Monkey Business: Aw. You do have heart!

Queen Bitch: Shut the fuck up.

Vulpix: So… uh… did Chat actually get Akumatized or do we have another Copycat situation?

Bugaboo: WHAT????

My Little Pony: A white-suited Chat Noir has been seen running through town.

Hero In A Half-Shell: it’s all over the news?

Bugaboo: I was helping my parents and just got back to my phone so I haven't seen it.

Kitkat: It’s not me. I’m not even transformed right now. Though I am looking for a place to hide and go fight.

Danger Noodle: Glad it’s not actually you.

Wonderland: Yeah. Akumatized Miraculous users seem to be real fucking dangerous.

I Studied The Blade: And I’m sure that battling a friend would be difficult.

Wonderland: That too.  

Money Business: So who’d Chat piss off?

Kitkat: No one? I haven’t even been out today?

Queen Bitch: So, uh….

Queen Bitch: You know how this morning I was talking about how I wanted to help Sabrina realize that she doesn’t have to do everything for me just so she’ll be my friend, but knew she might panic and think I’m abandoning her? 

Bugaboo: I should’ve seen this coming tbh.

Vulpix: Oh. Yeah. That’s probably a thing.

Kitkat: What’s her problem with me though???

Queen Bitch: Remember how we used to dress up in Ladybug and Chat Noir cosplays? We hadn't done that since before Queen Bee, so I decided that for old time's sake I could get cosplays of your upgraded costumes for us. And I figured I could use a metaphor about how Ladybug always need her Chat, even if she’d like him to stop taking the hit for her all the time.

Danger Noodle: I think you had good intentions, but from what I’ve gathered, I don’t think there was really a way out of it without upsetting her.

Wonderland: Is she chasing you?

Queen Bitch: She was. I managed to duck into a shop. I think I lost her, but just in case I’m going to let the Team distract her before joining.

I Studied The Blade: I would suggest you be careful. If Sabrina’s Akumatization was caused by you changing, she might blame the fact Heroes that encouraged her. 

Queen Bee: Noted.

Chapter Text

I Studied The Blade: I have found an interesting video I believe you would all find interesting:

I Studied The Blade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

Monkey Business: OH COME ON

Vulpix: Why…?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Who taught you that?

My Little Pony: That was… unexpected.

Danger Noodle: I feel like the only person who actually likes this song, despite the meme?

Kitkat: I am so proud!

Wonderland: Did you teach her this???

I Studied The Blade: Adrien taught me, actually.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m going to strange him.

Bugaboo: don’t strangle him!

Monkey Business: Why not?

My Little Pony: Probably because we want him to know why he’s being strangled instead of having a few Heroes show up and kill him?

Wonderland: Oh trust me. He’ll know why.

Kitkat: I think all of Paris and especially Ladybug would like it far better if you didn’t strangle mr. ‘Sunshine Child’.

Vulpix: We’ll lower it to an asskicking instead of murder.

Bugaboo: I’m still debating on this one.

Queen Bitch: You know… I’m glad I was distracted. Because now I know not to click that link.

Kitkat: But isn’t morbid curiosity getting the better of you?

Queen Bitch: Well, you know what they say. Curiosity killed the CAT.

Kitkat: I would like to retract my previous involvement.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Guess what? You guys all owe me money.

Queen Bitch: Also, Akuma at the park.

Bugaboo: What happened?

Wonderland: What part of ‘we owe her money’ don’t you get?

Monkey Business: Goddamn it.

Vulpix: So what exactly happened?

Queen Bitch: For the record, I tried to keep an eye on Felix! I mean, I relaxed because we’re in the park with Adrien for a photoshoot and I figured ‘okay, only one who would show up to one of these is Marinette, and she’d be chill about the thing’.

Queen Bitch: So yeah I wasn’t expecting Lila out of nowhere! And she reacted to Felix exactly how I expected.

I Studied The Blade: I’m concerned with your ability to predict things. Are you secretly psychic or is she just that predictable?

My Little Pony: Adding in the things Chloé told us last week, I think it’s leaning toward ‘predictable’.

Hero In A Half-Shell: So what’s her powers?

Queen Bitch: No clue. She went all purple so I grabbed Felix and ran. We’re hiding in the playground. I can hear the fight and Chat already showed up.

Queen Bitch: Also I might not be able to leave because I tried the ‘you stay here and I’ll lead her away’ thing, but Felix is getting all ‘don’t be an idiot!’ and isn’t letting me leave.

Bugaboo: You sure you can’t get away?

Queen Bitch: Unless you want me to say ‘Honeybee went on vacation and they decided to let me be Queen Bee again for the week’? 

Bugaboo: Right. Save that for if you’re in danger.

Danger Noodle: Keep us updated so we know you’re okay. The Ladyblog might get some good video, but there aren’t too many people willing to get close to the fight.

Wonderland: Also this would be more entertaining since we get Chloé’s sarcastic commentary!

Queen Bitch: hadf;chdkjdhk

Monkey Business: Did you just die?

My Little Pony: If she did she wouldn’t answer…?

Queen Bitch: So, this is Felix’s first time seeing Chat’s upgraded outfit. And his only criticism was ‘he should have thigh-high boots’.

Wonderland: Okay, I want to kink shame him, but I can’t kinkshame a man who I’ve never seen. Send a pic.

Queen Bitch: felixstopreadingovermyshoulderyouasshole.png

Danger Noodle: He’s actually kinda cute? I should’ve expected it from ‘looks similar to Adrien, the literal model’, but still.

Monkey Business: You’re right but we’re still going to kinkshame him.

Wonderland: Absolutely!

My Little Pony: I wouldn’t have expected anything less.

Queen Bitch: I have informed him that you’re all kinkshaming him.

I Studied The Blade: Perhaps this isn’t the time, but there’s something I’ve been wondering ever since Adrien mentioned Felix to me.

I Studied the Blade: He said their relation is because their moms are sisters, correct? If so, then considering Adrien’s mother has recently disappeared, why isn’t her sister around more to do something about it?

Queen Bitch: So I probably shouldn’t go spilling the Family Drama™, but I know you guys can keep secrets. And also I will literally kill you if this ends up in any tabloids.

Queen Bitch: Felix told us that the reason is because his mom was convinced that Emilie didn’t ‘disappear’, but that Gabriel killed her because he’s having an affair with Nathalie.

Wonderland: What the fuck????

Monkey Business: No offense to Adrien, but combine that with all the Superhero stuff and it’d make an interesting show to watch.

I Studied The Blade: I don’t even know how to respond to that.

My Little Pony: Not to point it out, but… are you 100% sure that’s not what happened?

Danger Noodle: Dude.

My Little Pony: I’m just saying. From the point of view of someone who doesn’t know them personally, it seems plausible. And if someone who does know them thinks it’s possible…

Queen Bitch: While I know she’s wrong, I do get where she’s coming from. Emilie was having some odd dizzy spells before she disappeared. And Gabriel and Nathalie are very close. After Emilie’s disappearance, I did catch them off on their own having hushed conversations. So I get her suspicions.

Queen Bitch: But tbh I’d bet money that if Gabriel had a thing with Nathalie then it wasn’t an affair, it was a threesome. Because Emilie was just as close to her. Although, considering the whole ‘She’s just a friend!!!’ thing comes from both sides of the family, I doubt any moves had been made.

Danger Noodle: There’s so much to unpack in that I’m just going to throw out the entire suitcase.

I Studied The Blade: Something that supports Chloé’s theory is how long it’s been. Adrien’s mother disappeared a while ago. No one would be suspicious if Gabriel accepted that, for whatever reason, she’s not coming back and he decided to move on.

Monkey Business: How does that help?

I Studied The Blade: Because if Gabriel and Nathalie went public with a relationship now, it wouldn’t be suspicious as long as they ‘clarify’ that the relationship only developed recently.

My Little Pony: At that point, the suspicion would switch to ‘Nathalie has been in love with Gabriel for a while and killed his wife to get her out of the way’.

Queen Bitch: That’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. It’d be like Kagami killing Marinette to get to Adrien and Felix if you don’t stop reading over my fucking shoulder, I will tell them about Bridgette!

Wonderland: Tell us about Bridgette anyway!

Queen Bitch: He’s bickering while still trying to read this because ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about! Bridgette is just a friend! Not even that! She’s an annoyance!’.

My Little Pony: I see what you mean about ‘She’s just a friend!’ being genetic.

Queen Bitch: Exachsldv;gdvk;flv xhugsaiojshk;uvc vhEHAUVS BCU;HI’SD/LJHKV

Queen Bitch: sdgiuvgduigb

Danger Noodle: Are you okay?

Monkey Business: I think Felix must’ve killed her for gossiping.

My Little Pony: It’s more likely that the Akuma got to her.

Wonderland: I’m not that worried. She can handle Akumas.

Queen Bitch: While I’m glad you have faith in me, that was Felix trying to wrestle the phone away from me, and us falling down the playground slide.

Queen Bitch: On the bright side, we caused enough of a distraction that the rest of the team managed to tackle the Akuma!

Danger Noodle: Even when not transformed, we can still be Heroes.

I Studied The Blade: Or distractions.

Monkey Business: Big mood.

Chapter Text

My Little Pony: There’s a morbid curiosity I would like to ask, and I’m a little scared to see the answer, but it won’t stop bugging me:

My Little Pony: What would happen if Chat Noir used Cataclysm on a person? The Hero’s Day Illusion crumbled, Miraculer’s attacks seemed to hurt a lot, but everyone was able to still fight, and Chat Blanc’s Cataclysm was different.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Dude…

Monkey Business: How was Chat Blanc’s Cataclysm different? It looked the same to me? Things got busted.

Bugaboo: It was less controlled. Things just crumbled without any influence. We couldn’t tell how it was going to break, and neither could she.

Queen Bitch: I don’t think anyone’s been hit with a true Cataclysm before. And I really fucking hope I don’t see a day when he does.

Vulpix: Can confirm. Chat’s Cataclysm hasn’t touched a person before. There’s been a few close calls when he was mind controlled, but not yet.

Wonderland: Let’s make a deal: How about if that ever happens, you all call me so I can go back and make it so our little kitten doesn’t have to actually commit a murder?

I Studied The Blade: We still don’t know if Cataclysm can murder?

Kitkat: So, I do have an answer, but I’d like to clarify this is from asking Plagg, not from testing out:  Cataclysm acts with my intent. If I want to destroy a billboard support so that it knocks over into an Akuma, Cataclysm will destroy it so that it knocks over at the angle I want, instead of just having the whole thing crumble to dust or fall at a different angle.

Kitkat: Using Cataclysm on a person depends on how much I’d want to harm them. It could be like a rib-breaking punch, or a jolt of electricity through the body, or straight up death. Personally, I’d like to avoid all of that, but if I ever did accidentally Cataclysm a person, they wouldn’t die because I don’t want them to.

Danger Noodle: As depressing as this conversation is, saying ‘you’re only alive because I don’t want you dead’, would be the most metal thing to say to an Akuma.

Vulpix:  That’s just dark.

Hero In A Half-Shell: tbh, we have teenagers wielding the ultimate Magics of Creation and Destruction. It should get a little dark when talking about the ‘destruction’ half.

Wonderland: Creation could probably be dark too! What if next time LB casts Lucky Charm she just gets a fucking gun?

Monkey Business: I would pay to see that.

Bugaboo: Already happened actually.

Kitkat: WHAT???

Queen Bitch: Oh yeah. When my dad was Akumatized, Lucky Charm gave her a BFG. Of course, it being Ladybug, she just broke off the laser sight to use on Chat. Because it’s basically a laser pointer.

I Studied The Blade: What if Lucky Charm gave you Lucky Charms? Like the cereal?

Bugaboo: That’d be real helpful next time we fight Mr. Pigeon.

My Little Pony: I feel like trying to figure out how Lucky Charm works would be a headache.

Kitkat: It is. When I got to be Mr. Bug, I asked for a giant mirror. And it gave me one! But we didn’t use it as a mirror. We used it as a screwdriver to open a giant doll!

Queen Bitch: It’s because you’re ‘so straightforward’.

Wonderland: Coming from Chloé ‘VIBE CHECK!’ Bourgeois

Queen Bitch: Hush.

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Hey. Remember when I said I didn’t want to Cataclysm a person?

Kitkat: I am very close to going back on that and I would like someone to talk me out of it (:

Queen Bitch: I say don’t actually murder someone but if this has to do with what happened at school today then I say:

Queen Bitch: VIBE CHECK!!!

Vulpix: Oh boy. I am very fucking tempted to talk you into it!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Someone please help me play voice of reason?

Wonderland: Well, if Future!Me hasn’t shown up to tell you it’s a bad idea, then it can’t be that bad of an idea!

My Little Pony: If this is about what I believe it’s about, then I think things have mostly sorted themselves out already.

I Studied The Blade: I have no clue what’s going on.

Danger Noodle: I don’t have all the details yet, but I hear something went down at Chloé’s school that nearly caused another Hero’s Day situation with literally everyone being Akumatized.

Kitkat: Yep. Because some trick ass bitch decided she was going to threaten my Princess! And I might’ve given some bad advice because I was underestimating the situation/didn’t know some details and thought the motherfucker wasn’t that much of a threat. But it lead to this!!!

I Studied The Blade: I still don’t entirely know what’s going on, but if someone hurt Marinette they will find themselves at the end of my blade.

Monkey Business: Oh. So that’s what Chat meant by ‘she could stab me and I would thank her’

Hero In A Half-Shell: Not the time….

Danger Noodle: So what happened because I’m starting to agree with Kagami about murder.

Queen Bitch: You all remember Lila, right? Well, turns out she’s a manipulative liar that was trying to turn everyone against Marinette and get her expelled by framing her for cheating, assault, and theft!

Queen Bitch: Luckily for little miss ‘Everyday Ladybug’, people believe in her more than some brat. It was a close call, but apparently this ‘teamwork’ thing is useful! Unluckily, the bitch managed to convince the school staff and half the class that she ‘has a disease that makes her lie sometimes’, so she isn’t getting any real repercussions.

Kitkat: The absolute thot.

Vulpix: tearthebitchapart.png

Hero In A Half-Shell: Again, is anyone going to play the voice of reason of your local Superheroes should not show up to murder a civilian, no matter how terrible it was’?

Danger Noodle: Oh boy. I can only imagine how her classmates felt in the moment if this is how you’re reacting. No wonder Hawkmoth tried to Akumatize all of them.

I Studied The Blade: How did he do that?

My Little Pony: It has something to do with the red butterflies. I’m not sure. From what I’ve seen, he can only create one Akuma at a time. Occasionally he can Akumatize two people into one Akuma, but they are a fusion of sorts. 

Kitkat: Best we can figure: Hawkmoth creates an Akuma out of someone (Probably Mayura tbh) to up his powers and lets him Akumatize multiple people. But he needs a lot of despair to do it. On Heroes’ Day he used Lila-as-Volpina to create an Illusion of an Akumatized Ladybug killing me.

I Studied The Blade: No, I remember that. I meant ‘how did he know there would be a lot of despair today’?

Danger Noodle: ... That’s a good question.

Vulpix: The man has weird hours. He probably hangs out and waits to feel a strong emotion.

Monkey Business: Big Mood

Queen Bitch: Or he knew…

Wonderland: That’s your ‘I have an idea!’ voice.

Hero In A Half-Shell: This is a text conversation!

Queen Bitch: I’m just saying. The whole ‘Scarlet Moth’ thing on Heroes’ Day took some planning, and he used Lila to do it.

Queen Bitch: What if he somehow asked her to cause some chaos today, so that he could try again.

My Little Pony: To use one of your phrases, that’s ‘utterly ridiculous’. The likeliness of her listening to a supervillain come out of nowhere to tell her to cause problems on purpose is very low.

Vulpix: While I am on team ‘tear the bitch apart’, even I have to agree. That’s crazy.

Queen Bitch: Then explain Miraculer.

Queen Bitch: Hawkmoth somehow knew that Lila would upset me about the Queen Bee thing. Not only did he try to Akumatize me, but as soon as it didn’t work, Mayura showed up. She was there watching and waiting before he sensed my emotions. They shouldn’t have known that I would be any sort of vulnerable.

Wonderland: Unless they knew Lila had tried to upset you.

Monkey Business: I thought we agreed that Hawkmoth is probably just watching your class because he knows about ‘Queen Bee’ and also the Ladyblogger goes there?

Queen Bitch: We have more information now. ‘Miraculer’ was meant for me, if I had given in to Hawkmoth’s offer to be Queen Bee again. Lila wasn’t that upset or even nearby at that point, as I’d gone home and had a bit of a depressive spiral in my room by the time that happened.

Queen Bitch: And then there’s the fact that the Butterfly that made Lila ‘Chameleon’ was meant for Marinette. Lila probably felt pretty good about terrifying her with her threats. So how did she attract the Butterfly after Marinette fought it off?

I Studied The Blade: I feel as if you’re going somewhere with this, but all I’m focusing on is that ‘nearly got Marinette Akumatized’ part and all of my senses are screaming at me to stab this girl.

Vulpix: As much as I’m down for Oni-Chan 2: electric boogaloo, Chloé is suggesting that Lila is outright working for Hawkmoth.

My Little Pony: I… retract my earlier statement. Given those facts, it’s very believable that Lila might be working for Hawkmoth somehow.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Dude… that’s… I can’t say ‘ridiculous’, given everything I’ve seen today. But it seems a little far.

Danger Noodle: tbh, that’s terrifying.

Kitkat: You’re right. Even we have no idea who Hawkmoth is or what he wants. Sure, maybe he’s just some guy gone off the deep end out of desperation with limits on what he’ll do to get it, but he could also be some actual evil guy who wants world domination and won’t hesitate to kill anyone who threatens to stop him.

Kitkat: But if Lila is willing to work with him, help him despite the chance that it might cause an actual Doomsday Scenario, just to get back at a girl who called her out on her lies…. Then I really underestimated her and should’ve done something a hell of a lot sooner.

Monkey Business: Yikes. Do you really think she’s that evil?

Wonderland: I wouldn’t go with ‘evil’ just yet.

Wonderland: Sure, this is suspicious. But tbh, there’s also a chance she’s just using her Akumatizations to her advantage, and Hawkmoth is taking advantage of that by keeping an eye on her specifically. It’s still fucked, but not quite ‘she’s willing to let Paris burn out of pettiness’ levels of fucked.

Queen Bitch: True. I have a bad feeling about her, but I’ll hold off and see what LB thinks of this. At the very least, I’m going to keep a hell of an eye on her. And maybe try to see if I can get her sent back to Italy where she won’t be a threat.

Vulpix: Where is Ladybug anyway?

Monkey Business: According to the news, she’s at the Arc de Triomphe fighting Mayura.

Kitkat: WHAT????

Hero In A Half-Shell: When the hell did that happen and why weren’t we notified?

Queen Bitch: That is odd, considering I can see her little icon indicating that she’s reading this chat.

Vulpix: YO LB WHAT THE FUK

Bugaboo: Sorry I missed the whole conversation, I was helping my parents with a thing. Needed to de-stress. But I’m still with them and can’t get away just yet. Whatever’s at the Arc isn’t me. It’s either an Akuma or a Sentimonster.

Queen Bitch: Okay. Noted.

Vulpix: I think we would’ve been able to tell the difference.

Kitkat: Absolutely!

Hero In A Half-Shell: We’re going to use Chat’s ‘he calls me Riza when we’re alone’ thing, aren’t we?

Danger Noodle: You guys haven’t even gotten to that episode yet!

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Bugaboo)

Hero In A Half-Shell: Hey, dude, I know it’s real late but can I talk to you about a thing?

Bugaboo: Everything okay?

Hero In A Half-Shell: First off, I know I messaged you so I’m up too, but I have a reason so why are you up?

Bugaboo: Sleep is for the weak.

Bugaboo: Anyway what’s going on?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Just… how sentient are Sentimonsters?

Bugaboo: This has to do with the fake me from earlier, doesn’t it?

Hero In A Half-Shell: She seemed so real. I honestly thought she was an Akuma that wanted to replace you, not just a Sentimonster. The others haven't been anything like that.

Bugaboo: I didn’t get to interact with her much after I got there. Was she really that effective?

Hero In A Half-Shell: It’s not like she was a perfect copy of you. She couldn’t get the dynamic right. It’s more like what she thought the dynamic was like. The biggest clue was her confessing her love for Chat. Even if you did that, you wouldn’t do it mid-battle.

Hero In A Half-Shell: But she still seemed… real. You know?

Bugaboo: I’m asking Tikki about it, and she’s trying to explain so I’ll tell you what she says.

Bugaboo: Basically, Sentimonsters aren’t usually separate from the person holding their Amok. It’s just an extension of that person’s will manifested into a monster to carry out that will. The emotions they feel are only the emotions of the person holding their Amok. They don’t usually have thoughts and emotions of their own.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Usually?

Bugaboo: A powerful Sentimonster holding it’s own Amok can begin to think for itself, make it’s own choices. But even then, it’s not likely that they’ll become anything more than, well, Tikki is using Magic Terms, but I’d say it’s probably like a fairly intelligent computer program instead of true AI, you know?

Hero In A Half-Shell: But where’s the line? Like, my friend Max created a robot that’s pretty AI. And we mostly think of him as a person. How is “Sentibug” different?

Bugaboo: I’m not sure. Honestly I’m not sure Tikki is telling me everything since she knows I’d be upset if “Sentibug” was real and we let her die.

Bugaboo: Okay now she’s assuring me that “Sentibug” isn’t technically dead, because her memories and emotions were absorbed back into Mayura when she ‘died’. And that Mayura could remake her again if she wanted to.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Do you think we could do something about that? Like, if Mayura remakes her, can we take the Amok and hand it to Sentibug?

Bugaboo: Maybe, but Mayura still has the power to dispel Sentibug. And I don’t know if we could really convince her to just hand her over.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Ask Tikki?

Bugaboo: Okay, so, here’s the weird thing:

Bugaboo: If we have a very powerful Sentimonster, give it the Amok, and then use my Creation Magic on it, then we might just be able to make it a real person?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Would that actually work?

Bugaboo: Tikki says it’s happened once before, though it was on accident. She doesn’t really suggest it, as creating an entire person can be dangerous. But honestly, the way you guys reacted when Mayura dispelled her…

Hero In A Half-Shell: As I said, she might not’ve been a good Ladybug, but she seemed real.

Bugaboo: We’ll see what we can do. I can’t guarantee anything. Even if Mayura does create her, we might not be able to get the Amok. And even then, Mayura might dispel her again before we can do anything.

Hero In A Half-Shell: It’s a decent plan. Though maybe we should talk to the rest of the team on that.

Bugaboo: Good. Now get some sleep.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Okay, you don’t get to lecture me on sleep ever, because you were awake too.

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Queen Bitch)

Wonderland: You know that thing you do in the groupchat where you make subtle jabs at ‘Adrienette’ to try and get them to figure out what the fuck is going on?

Queen Bitch: Want me to do the same for these two?

Wonderland: Yes because this is fucking painful

Queen Bitch: Bright side of hanging out with Alix? I get to hang out with Alix.

Queen Bitch: The downside to hanging out with Alix? The fucking unresolved homoerotic tension!

Kitkat: Just kiss her you fool!

Hero In A Half-Shell: You have no right to say that considering your love life.

Bugaboo: Don’t encourage him.

My Little Pony: It seems like he might need the encouragement, as none of his relationships have gone anywhere.

Monkey Business: Oh. Burn.

I Studied The Blade: Challenge her to a duel. Disarm her. Use the tip of your blade to tilt her chin up to you and stare deeply into her eyes.

Danger Noodle: I thought we were getting rid of the homoerotic tension?

Vulpix: It’ll get rid of the homoerotic tension one way or another!

Wonderland: Chloé, would you please enlighten us about the unresolved homoerotic tension?

Queen Bitch: See, my own homoerotic tension, I can handle. As inappropriate as that sounds.

Queen Bitch: What I can’t stand is whatever is going on between Kim and Max. It’s like those bro memes. You know the ones.

Kitkat: youremywholeworldbro.png

Kitkat: This one?

Danger Noodle: Should we be concerned that you had that on hand?

Bugaboo: He does that.

Queen Bitch: It’s exactly like that. But with more jock/nerd solidarity.

Monkey Business: Uh… I don’t think I know what you’re talking about.

My Little Pony: Me neither. They seem like just a pair of friends who do normal friend things. From what I’ve observed with various comments about them from a few people.

Wonderland: Yeah. That’s the same thing Chat says about ‘His Princess’.

Vulpix: She’s got a point and now I want to know where Chloé’s going with this!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Babe, do we have to ban you from playing matchmaker?

I Studied The Blade: Does she do that a lot?

Bugaboo: You have no idea.

Monkey Business: Still, I’m pretty sure this is a different situation from Chat’s… issues.

Kitkat: Why do you all pick on me?

Wonderland: Stop being dumb about your lovelife and we won’t have a problem.

Queen Bitch: Ugh. These two seem to be in this weird contest of trying to impress each other! Kim keeps boasting about some feat he could pull off that could look totally cool or whatever. Max either explains exactly why it’s impossible, or goes ‘hey, I could totally figure out the ramp angle and speed needed for you to do that ‘sick kickflip’ and live.’

Queen Bitch: When Max is talking, Kim has this soft and awestruck expression. When Kim is showing off, Max’s expression is ‘you’re a dumbass, but you’re my dumbass’.

My Little Pony: I’m… 93.8% sure they’re not flirting?

Queen Bitch: You do remember that Kim used to have a crush on me forever ago? He used to do the same thing but I never responded like Max did because I wasn’t interested. And Alix told me about the panther incident.

Danger Noodle: I’m scared to ask… but what’s the panther incident?

Bugaboo: Oh. I completely blocked that Akuma out of my memory. But Kim was bragging about how he could totally outrun a panther, trashtalking said animal, and ended up pissing off the Zookeeper so much that the man got Akumatized into Animan, and chased Kim down as a panther just to prove a point.

I Studied The Blade: Not to judge Akuma victims, but is ‘teenager trashtalks a panther’ really something to be Akumatized over?

Vulpix: It wasn’t his best moment….

Wonderland: You talking about Kim or the zookeeper?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Both.

Kitkat: I still don’t understand that one.

Queen Bitch: Exactly. And who was Kim at the zoo with trying to impress? Max. 

Queen Bitch: Also, you'd think Max and Kim are best friends. Except Max called Markov his best friend. Which means Kim is in a different category altogether!

Wonderland: Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but it sounds like proof enough!

Danger Noodle: I’d have to see it in action, but it sounds like something’s going on.

I Studied The Blade: I will give the same advice. Have them challenge each other to a duel and let the inherent tension of swordfighting your rival/love interest sort itself out.

Kitkat: All that does is make you more confused because you're not sure if they feel the tension too!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Who the hell have you been swordfighting???

Direct Message (@Queen Bitch)

Wonderland: Oh my god.

Queen Bitch: I didn’t expect everyone to jump on it as quick as they did, but tbh I think everyone just has a need to play matchmaker.

Wonderland: I think it worked. Both Kim and Max are texting me like ‘Hey, do you think I’m flirting with him and also is he flirting with me??’.

Queen Bitch: Then my job here is done!

Wonderland: myjobhereisdone.png

Queen Bitch: Hey. I actually did something!

Wonderland: I know. I just couldn't resist. 

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Do I look oddly thin? Because everyone seems to question my eating habits.

Monkey Business: Maybe a little?

Vulpix: If I brought you home my mom would make you eat first thing because you need some meat on you.

Bugaboo: Same. There’s a reason I always bring pastries to patrol.

My Little Pony: You don’t seem overly thin, but it’s obvious that you get a lot of physical activity. I’d assume that’s one of the ‘side effects’ of parkouring around Paris.

Danger Noodle: Is it a ‘legit concerned’ kind of questioning your eating habits or are people just being rude?

Kitkat: I think they’re concerned. But tbh I’m fine. I think it’s just being thin combined with my job and a strict father makes people think I’m being starved or whatever.

I Studied The Blade: What does your job have to do with your eating habits?

Kitkat: Can’t go into too much detail because identities, but my job does require me to look attractive, and is typically associated with starvation ‘diets’. So yeah I’m technically being kept thin-ish, but it’s a healthy thin.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Now I’m worried.

Wonderland: He came here to complain about people being on him about that. Don’t be worried.

Queen Bitch: If he can freely buy enough cheese for his Kwami, he’s definitely not on a diet.

Kitkat: Exactly. My purchases aren’t monitored. Even if I was supposed to be on a diet, I could just buy a fuckton of junk food or pastries or whatever and pig out. But while my meals are planned, they’re planned to what’s healthy for an active teenager. And again, I could buy whatever.

Kitkat: Though you should’ve seen my nutritionist flip her shit when my metabolism suddenly spiked thanks to being Chat Noir. Not only does parkouring around Paris burn calories, but Magic itself burns hella calories.

Bugaboo: Okay yeah that’s true. I think I’ve already mentioned my stress eating problems, but the only weight I’ve gained is muscle weight.

Queen Bitch: I debated about how I felt about that because I was always kinda expected to be thin and pretty and ‘muscles aren’t pretty on girls’. Except nowadays people our age like a woman who can pick you up and throw you.

Monkey Business: I think I speak for everyone here when I say Big Mood.

Danger Noodle: Yeah. Either a woman who can pick you up and throw you, or one that can and will stab you.

I Studied The Blade: I am unsure how to feel about that statement

Wonderland: I think we can all agree

Wonderland: I’m not saying what we’re agreeing on. Just that we’re agreeing.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Let it be known that Gabriel Agreste does, in fact, have a sense of humor.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Doubt.png

Queen Bitch: You say that, but his gift for my parent’s wedding anniversary is a Designer Get-Along Shirt.

Queen Bitch: My mother is taking him seriously, but I’ve been around Gabriel enough to see the hints of mischief and I know he’s doing this specifically to fuck with her.

I Studied The Blade: I am attending the party with my mother and I can assure you, that’s exactly what his gift is.

Vulpix: My need to roast Gabriel Agreste is being outweighed by my need to fuck with your mom. So please send a picture.

Queen Bitch: getalongshirt.png

Bugaboo: Oh my god you’re right

Kitkat: Good to know he’s getting back to the point where he can subtly mess with people.

Wonderland: Hey, so can we just trick your mom into wearing terrible things by telling her that it was made by some bigshot designer as a gift? Because if so then I have plans.

My Little Pony: That can’t possibly work.

Monkey Business: We can try at least!

Danger Noodle: So how are you doing with the whole ‘having to go to your parent’s anniversary party’ thing?

Queen Bitch: It’s going okay, but that’s mostly because Adrien and Kagami were invited, Marinette is helping her parents with catering, and we’ve all ditched the actual party. Kinda wish you were here though.

Danger Noodle: Why?

Queen Bitch: Snake!SNAAAAAKE!!.png

My Little Pony: You know, after making it to the top four in the Mecha Strike tournament at the sleepover, I really shouldn’t be surprised that you made a Metal Gear reference.

I Studied The Blade: Have a blessed image:

I Studied The Blade: actualangel.png

Kitkat: Saved and set to wallpaper.

Vulpix: Same!!

Bugaboo: ksdjgkjlg;jksj

Monkey Business: Is that Mari with her hair down?? How did you manage that???

Wonderland: I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with her hair down.

Hero In A Half-Shell: It's a habit since she lives in a bakery. Gotta have your hair up all the time.

Danger Noodle: You’re going to give me a heart attack from how cute she is.

My Little Pony: Is that a ballpit?

Queen Bitch: My parents are Extra™ and emptied the pool to make it a ballpit. I don’t get it either but whatever.

I Studied The Blade: Hold on. We have to escape The Gorilla so we might not answer for a moment.

Monkey Business: ESCAPE THE WHATNOW???

Danger Noodle: Did someone put a gorilla in the ballpit?

Wonderland: Rich people be weird like that.

My Little Pony: That sounds incredibly dangerous.

Vulpix: Please tell me this is the reverse of the Fang Incident and you’re talking about a person and not an actual gorilla?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Oh. I know the answer to this one. ‘The Gorilla’ is Adrien’s bodyguard. He’s probably trying to make sure Adrien stays at the party instead of wandering off.

Wonderland: In that case, let me encourage his teen rebellion and hope for you guys to escape!

Danger Noodle: You know, one of the downsides to the secret identities is that I can’t say ‘hey, if you guys need a place to hide, you can stop by my place’.

Monkey Business: Sometimes I forget that this is a chat of superheroes who have secret identities and not just a regular friend groupchat.

Kitkat: Big mood.

Bugaboo: I know the identity thing is hard sometimes, but there’s a good reason for it.

I Studied The Blade: We have escaped!

Vulpix: You’re doing great sweetie!!!

Danger Noodle: Fuck yeah! Stick it to the man!

My Little Pony: As Heroes, should we be encouraging teen rebellion?

Hero In A Half-Shell: If anyone needs ‘Teen Rebellion’, it’s Chloé, Kagami, and Adrien. Especially because they’re not getting into dangerous stuff, they’re just sneaking out of a party they don’t want to be at. 

My Little Pony: You make a point.

Queen Bitch: oh my fuck. I’m about to throw hands with the ice cream man.

Vulpix: Soulmate ice cream guy?

Danger Noodle: What’d André do?

Queen Bitch: He’s trying to figure out flavors, but he’s insisting that there can only be two flavors because ‘too many flavors ruin the taste’.

Queen Bitch: Motherfucker. Maybe in ice cream rules but this is your Sweetheart Icecream stuff!!

Vulpix: What… does that even mean?

Monkey Business: I am also lost.

Wonderland: That’s not new, is it?

Monkey Business: Rude!!!

Queen Bitch: Because the flavor combos represent people in a romantic relationship. So they have to choose Mint and Blackberry(Adrienette), Mint and Raspberry(Adrigami), or Blackberry and Raspberry(Kagaminette).

My Little Pony: I was not aware that ‘Kagaminette’ was a potential option.

Wonderland: She did mention a crush on Marinette a while back. And that pic of Mari was labeled 'Actual Angel'. 

Monkey Business: Okay but who doesn’t have a crush on Marinette at some point??

Queen Bitch: But you didn’t see that Marinette got just as flustered when Kagami complimented her as she did when Adrien complimented her so…

Queen Bitch: this whole flavor thing is a problem because 1. Apparently he doesn’t do polyship options which is a fucking shame because ‘Adrigaminette’ would be a great combo and 2. Now is really not the time to make a permanent choice about their relationship drama because they should all talk it out.

Danger Noodle: That’s fair. Putting them on the spot out of nowhere and trying to force them into talking about things is kinda… not helpful in the long run. That just makes a bunch of panic.

Vulpix: I might need to rethink strategies on my matchmaking

Hero In A Half-Shell: Throwing two people into a closet until they make out isn’t a strategy

Kitkat: You do remember what happened at the sleepover, right?

I Studied The Blade: I am back and I have ice cream. Somehow we settled on individual cones of the other ones. I have the ‘Adrienette’ flavor, Adrien has ‘Kagaminette’, and Mari has ‘Adrigami’.

Wonderland: That works. What’d Chloé get?

Queen Bitch: Hush.

I Studied The Blade: It seems like her usual.

Queen Bitch: HUSH

Monkey Business: Huh. Maybe you could make this a double date and invite Alix?

My Little Pony: I don’t know if that counts as a double date, if the other ‘couple’ is a ‘trio’?

Danger Noodle: It also doesn’t count if two of the pair isn’t aware it’s a double date.

Bugaboo: I think they’re aware.

Kitkat: Very aware and probably somewhat overwhelmed.

Vulpix: Sorry to cut ice cream time short, but there’s an Akuma and… actually Chloé you might want to sit this one out

Queen Bitch: Why?

Vulpix: Info flooding into twitter and the Ladyblog say it’s your parents.

Monkey Business: Yikes.

My Little Pony: I would highly suggest that unless there is no other choice, people shouldn’t fight their family members.

Bugaboo: Yeah. I’m making the decision. Chloé, sit this one out. Even though I know you can keep a lid on your identity now, fighting a family member is bound to make you off your game.

Queen Bitch: Half of me wants to say ‘fuck you I need to be there to help!’. But… I get it. I'll head back to the hotel. 

Queen Bitch: I’m also salty that my dad was dragged into this because that means I have to ban you guys from getting rough with my mother as an Akuma.

Kitkat: Take all the fun out of it.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: HEY WE HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM

Queen Bitch: LIKE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS

Queen Bitch: CODE RED BIG THREAT HOLY FUCK

Monkey Business: Yo all caps. Calm it down a little.

My Little Pony: I’d agree, but this looks like something important

Queen Bitch: LB CHECK YOUR GODDAMN MESSAGES OR ELSE I’M GONNA KEEP BLOWING UP YOUR YOYO

Queen Bitch: GOOD YOU’RE HERE

Kitkat: Does this have to do with the Akuma just stopping?

Bugaboo: What’s going on? Where are you?

Wonderland: Akumas can stop?

Vulpix: It’s very rare but apparently Hawkmoth can recall the Butterfly if he wants.

Danger Noodle: Are you okay?                                                                                                                   

Queen Bitch: You all remember that time Hawkmoth tried to convince me to work for him as Queen Bee? Well he just tried again. And I mean actual fucking Hawkmoth and not Mayura.

Queen Bitch: Also he has the rest of the Miraculous which is A BIG FUCKING PROBLEM

Wonderland: Holy fuck are you okay?

Buagboo: WHAT????

Hero In A Half-Shell: That’s… really bad.

Kitkat: Wait, is Master Fu okay?

I Studied The Blade: Who?

Vulpix: Guardian guy who handed out the Miraculous. I only got to meet him once.

Bugaboo: idk but if Hawkmoth has the Miracle Box…

Queen Bitch: Roaar says he’s fine, but we have bigger problems.

My Little Pony: Roaar is another Kwami, right?

Kitkat: I think Roaar is the Tiger? How do you have her?

Monkey Business: There’s a Tiger??

I Studied The Blade: Am I the only one who realized that the temporary heroes are probably Zodiac themed?

Danger Noodle: Wait, what?

I Studied The Blade: Mouse, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Monkey. That’s half of the Zodiac. The Tiger is on there too. This leaves the Ox, Goat, Rooster, Dog, and Pig.

Wonderland: Huh. How’d we not notice that?

Bugaboo: I’m more focused on how Chloé got Roaar???

Queen Bitch: This is gonna be long so give me a second:

Queen Bitch: Roaar says that Hawkmoth and Mayura showed up to fight Master Fu, and he managed to escape using the Horse Miraculous, but they got the Miracle Box.

Queen Bitch: I went back to the hotel after you grabbed Kagami. I was on my balcony when Hawkmoth showed up. He told me that he would let my parents go and I'd get to be Queen Bee again if I promised to work for him. Since he didn’t have the Bee, he told me he’d loan me one until I could take it from ‘Honeybee’. He chose the Tiger because he felt I’d appreciate the stripe theme

Queen Bitch: I played along, got him to let my parents go and took the Tiger. Then I used the ability which is invisibility to run off. I thought about trying to steal Hawkmoth’s Miraculous, but I knew I’d only have one shot and wasn’t confident I’d do it without Venom, and I couldn’t use the Bee without tipping my hat and showing him I had it the whole time.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Bruh

Wonderland: Are you okay??

Queen Bitch: A bit spooked but I’m good for now. I’m getting Roaar some snacks and then I’ll meet up with everyone else.

Bugaboo: This is my fault. I should’ve been more careful getting the Dragon.

Danger Noodle: Don’t blame yourself. All of this is Hawkmoth’s fault.

Monkey Business: We’ll figure something out!

Kitkat: Don’t worry, Bugaboo. Let’s regroup a bit and plan out something.

My Little Pony: Given previous attempts, Hawkmoth likely has a backup plan.

Queen Bitch: Uh… about that…

Queen Bitch: I just saw a swarm of bees go by and tbh I think he gave whatever Bee-themed powers he was going to give me to someone else. Now I really wish I listened to his monologue so I'd know what his plan is. 

Vulpix: Get in the water and we’ll find you!

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: You know, I kind of appreciate that most of the Miraculous handed out today were a subtle ‘Fuck You’. Like I shouldn’t, because I’m trying to be nicer or whatever, but wow that’s good.

I Studied The Blade: I think the message with the Dog Miraculous was very clear.

Kitkat: Well, Hawkmoth did seem to be keeping Lila on a short leash.

Bugaboo: I think she meant about her theory that Lila was working for him. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but this is the second time where Hawkmoth tried to recruit Chloé, then went to Lila as a backup plan.

My Little Pony: I believe everyone is kicking themselves for labeling her as ‘not a threat’.

Vulpix: I may or may not be planning a murder?

Monkey Business: Let me know if I can help with that

Wonderland: Already got a few plans. I still think distracting her while Chloé does a flying piledrive on her from the second floor is a good idea.

Hero In A Half-Shell: When did you discuss this???

Wonderland: Don’t worry about it.

Danger Noodle: Okay, curiosity has gotten to me and I haven’t seen or heard what all happened. I didn’t manage to show up, the Ladyblog doesn’t have much yet, and my usual source doesn’t want to talk about it so what happened in that fight?

Bugaboo: Miracle Queen was basically Queen Wasp 2.0, but given to Lila since Chloé told Hawkmoth to fuck off. Her bees could control people.

Kitkat: Lila gathered most of her classmates in front of the school and handed them the stolen Miraculous to make an army.

Vulpix: Don’t worry! We managed to win and get the Miraculous back. Of course Lila decided to tell her classmates that she was ‘just so upset about the class finding out about her ‘disease that makes her lie sometimes’ and how they don’t trust her anymore' and all that.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Sometimes it sucks to be a Hero because we can’t really show our skepticism at that. Especially with the class being suckered in.

Queen Bitch: You’d think they’d be more aware that she hates them. I mean, look at the Miraculous she handed out to them!

I Studied The Blade: What was wrong with her choices, exactly? They seemed… random to me. Then again, I am not familiar with those students.

Queen Bitch: The only time I’d give Mylene the Pig Miraculous is if I’m poking fun at her weight. Which I won’t because I’m trying to be nice, but also it’s ridiculous to give her the Pig! And haha I get it Rose has a squeaky voice but the Mouse really just highlights it. 

Queen Bitch: Then she gave Sabrina the Rooster, which is obviously a ‘chicken’ joke, since most people think Sabrina is too much of a coward and that’s the only reason she sticks by me. And the less I say about everyone else the better.

Monkey Business: Why is giving Mylene the Pig ridiculous?

My Little Pony: I was about to ask that, because it seemed like you have other thoughts on it.

Queen Bitch: Because obviously she wouldn’t work well with the Pig! If I were to give Mylene a Miraculous, I’d say either Mouse or Turtle.

Kitkat: Unfortunately, those are kinda taken. Carapace has the Turtle and I’m still holding out on giving Mari the Mouse again.

Wonderland: Hm… Perhaps we should give Marinette a different Miraculous then? What Miraculous do you think would be good for her >:3c

Queen Bitch: tbh I think she’d be a decent match for any of them. Go wild. Let her wield all of them at once.

Vulpix: Do not let her do that!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Yeah please don’t she might die.

Danger Noodle: Why would she die???

Vulpix: Using multiple Miraculous takes a lot of energy. I got to dual-wield while getting the Miraculous away from Lila and her classmates, and I feel like I could sleep for a few days. I can’t imagine what using so many at once would do to someone.

Kitkat: I mean even one is technically strenuous. That’s why we have the ‘use your power and then detransform after five minutes’ thing. We’re a bunch of Human teenagers. Well, I assume we’re all Human. Anyway it’s totally unfair because Hawkmoth and Mayura don’t have to deal with that shit.

I Studied The Blade: Wait. This is technically dangerous, and being an adult means one could stay transformed indefinitely and use their powers more than once?

My Little Pony: Wouldn’t it be more useful to have adults fighting then?

Danger Noodle: As fun as being a Hero is, I’m kinda feeling the need to throwdown with whoever decided a bunch of kids would be the best for the job.

Wonderland: I think ‘the need to throwdown’ might be a requirement.

Bugaboo: So, as the one that was being trained to be the next Guardian of the Miraculous, I do have an answer:

Bugaboo: To use the Miraculous, you need to have a certain level of Magic Power and have it be compatible with the Miraculous to use one. And while someone compatible with a Miraculous could use any of them, there are combinations that work best. Master Fu felt that Chat and I were the best matches for the Ladybug and Black Cat.

Bugaboo: Obviously all of you are compatible as well, though I will admit, out of the potential users, I did pick you based on previous interactions where you proved trustworthy, while the few adults I’ve sensed as compatible have been people I don’t really know or can’t trust.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Wait. Does that mean that the class we fought today are all compatible? Or was that just because they were being controlled by Miracle Queen?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Furthermore, does that mean Lila is compatible with the Miraculous???

Bugaboo: Unfortunately yes, in Lila’s case. If she weren’t a terrible person she might make a decent Fox, which is ironic considering Volpina.

Vulpix: I know I’ve threatened to kill her a lot, but if she tries to take Trixx from me I will actually hurt her.

Kitkat: Understandable. I complain about Plagg, but I will fight anyone who tries to take away this smelly cheese gremlin.

Bugaboo: Tikki agrees about Plagg being a ‘smelly cheese gremlin’

Bugaboo: As for that class, yes, pretty much all of them are compatible with a few Miraculous. The weird thing is that Chloé was right about Mylene being compatible with the Mouse or Turtle.

Queen Bitch: Is that not obvious?

Wonderland: Not really?

Danger Noodle: Maybe?

I Studied The Blade: I don’t know her so I don’t know if it makes sense or not.

My Little Pony: I’m intrigued to hear how you came to the same conclusions.

Queen Bitch: Mylene is good at multitasking, as proven by the group projects I’ve had to partner with her for. Multitasking seems necessary for something like the Mouse, where you’re controlling a bunch of copies of yourself.

Queen Bitch: And she might be terrified of goddamn everything to the point where I still wonder why the fuck she signed up to be the lead in a horror film, but the times when she does get brave are when she has to protect others. You know the whole saying of the ‘courage is not being without fear, but being afraid and doing something anyway’ or whatever. As the Turtle's whole thing is protection, I'd give it to her.

Bugaboo: That’s unnerving because I thought the same things for similar reasons.

Kitkat: Well, if multitasking is a good quality for the Mouse, can we please bring in our ‘Mousketeer’?

My Little Pony: You really want her back on the team, don’t you?

Monkey Business: We all do.

Wonderland: Hey, Chloé. I’m interested to hear about what Miraculous you’d think the rest of the class should get.

Bugaboo: I don’t know if that’s a good idea….

I Studied The Blade: I’m curious as well.

Queen Bitch: Well, I think the Ox is a little obvious for Ivan, but he is big and strong and ox-like but in a good way. He might’ve made a decent Monkey too, though the combo does remind me a little of The Gorilla. Rose would be good with the Pig, but the Horse could’ve been a good match for her too. 

Queen Bitch: Sabrina might make a good Bee, though you would have to pry Pollen from my cold, dead hands. And while I hesitate to say it because it sounds like an insult due to our friendship issues, the Dog would be a good match. Then there’s Juleka. My first instinct is ‘Snake!’ for obvious reasons, but since that’s taken I’d give her the Tiger.

Queen Bitch: Speaking of the Tiger, can I negotiate visitation rights?

Vulpix: Visitation rights… with the Miraculous?

Bugaboo: I don’t think bringing out Majesty again is a good idea. Dual wielding will tire you out.

Queen Bitch: Okay yeah but maybe next time we have a Superhero Sleepover you can bring Roaar? And also maybe the rest of the Kwami because I liked meeting Longg last time and I want visitation rights with Roaar because I already miss her.

Danger Noodle: Is it just me, or do you get easily attached to the Kwami?

Queen Bitch: perhaps.png

Queen Bitch: Seriously though, I want to meet the rest of them. I don’t care if you want to come over, detransform in the bathroom and let me hang out with them for a while or something.

Hero In A Half-Shell: To be fair, we did discuss potential Miraculous-swapping training. In case something like whatever happened with Reflektdoll happens again, or if Ladybug gets sick or can’t get out of family vacation.

Bugaboo: That reminds me. There is an announcement to make regarding that, but I’ll go into it after I’ve had a nap because it has been a fucking day.

Wonderland: Please tell me it’s an identity reveal.

Kitkat: Unfortunately no, but I won’t tell you guys because I respect her need to be the one to tell you. And also she knows more details than me.

Vulpix: The suspense is killing me and I hate it.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Babe. You need a nap too because you are falling asleep at your desk. I’m surprised you can type correctly.

I Studied The Blade: Spellcheck is quite useful.

Chapter Text

Bugaboo: Okay, nap is over, time for announcements:

Bugaboo: Remember when I said how Master Fu was training me as the next Guardian? Well now he’s officially decided to retire and now I get to be Guardian!

Danger Noodle: I want to say congratulations, but weren’t we just discussing how a bunch of teenagers being in charge is a bad idea?

Queen Bitch: Yeah well we wouldn’t be in this situation if he didn’t get a bit hangry over 150 years ago, so I think LB’s doing a great job!

Hero In A Half-Shell: What’d we say about being mean?

Kitkat: She’s technically right.

Kitkat: About the Hangry thing. But he was also a child when that happened.

Vulpix: itstruebutyoushouldntsayit.png

Queen Bitch: whyareyoubooingme.png

I Studied The Blade: Hangry?

Monkey Business: When you’re so hungry that you’re angry.

Wonderland: Okay, you guys are starting to get to that ‘we say weird things that make no sense’ stage and it’s driving me nuts.

My Little Pony: They don’t seem to be that cryptic, it’s just that we were only brought into the group more recently and haven’t caught up on everything yet.

Bugaboo: Short version: when Master Fu was a kid training to be the Guardian he was Hangry and made a Sentimonster using the Peacock Miraculous. That led to a lot of things going to shit, the whole Order of the Guardians getting vored, and losing the Peacock and Butterfly Miraculous.

Bugaboo: So, technically, if he hadn’t gotten Hangry, the Peacock and Butterfly wouldn’t be with Hawkmoth and Mayura, and we wouldn’t be fighting him.

I Studied The Blade: I believe the correct reaction is

I Studied The Blade: Bruh

Monkey Business: Okay. You saying ‘Bruh’ totally snapped me out of whatever I was feeling toward that forbidden knowledge.

Wonderland: While I enjoy the Timeline as it is so far, this seems like one of those things where he should’ve used the Rabbit Miraculous to go back and say ‘Don’t fucking do that!!’.

My Little Pony: Maybe that led to an even worse Timeline?

Wonderland: Possibly. Of course there’s also the fact that even if LB handed me my Miraculous right now and I hopped back to fix that shit, it wouldn’t erase this Timeline, it’d just create a new one branching off from that point in time while we’d keep going.

Kitkat: And now I have a headache.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Welcome to the club.

Danger Noodle: Wait.

Danger Noodle: Are you telling me that the closest thing we’ve had to ‘Adult Supervision’ is the guy who was only half-trained, and is now retiring and leaving you in charge?

Danger Noodle: I believe in you, but honestly someone needs to be the Adult Supervision here.

Queen Bitch: You volunteering to supervise a bunch of superpowered Magic children?

Danger Noodle: I know nothing about being a dad.

Vulpix: There’s a joke in there, but I’m not taking it.

Vulpix: And if any of the rest of you go there you will find my flute in places you don’t want it.

Monkey Business: Noted.

Bugaboo: Anyway, yeah, that is part of the reason why Master Fu has given duties over to me. I was the one who pushed for Rena, Carapace and Honeybee to be permanent Heroes, and I insisted on having this chat as a way to contact all of you easily, as before that if I wanted to talk to Chat we had to both be transformed.

Bugaboo: Without this, a few fights would’ve been worse. Especially this last one with Miracle Queen. It would’ve just been me and Chat against her, and she would’ve had more Miraculous on her side. And I really do not want to see what Lila could do with the real Fox Miraculous.

Bugaboo: If we’d done things Master Fu’s way, we would’ve lost a lot more.

Hero In A Half-Shell: That’s depressing.

Wonderland: Especially if you go down the rabbit hole of the other possible timelines where that did in fact happen!

Kitkat: That’s the second double pun you’ve made and I am LIVING FOR IT

Monkey Business: Well now I need a nap. Goodnight everybody.

Bugaboo: Stay up a little longer because this is Announcement 2:

Bugaboo: Due to how well permanent Heroes have gone, the rest of you are getting your Miraculous full-time. However! Only the main Team is required to show up to every fight. The rest of you can help if you’re nearby and can get away, but if it’s across town or something then it’s better if you don’t disappear all the time. Unless I message you because I need your specific powers.

Bugaboo: Not only does this mean we have more allies we can call on, but it’s harder for Hawkmoth to do what he did with Miracle Queen again. He can’t follow me to where the Miraculous are, and even if he does, he won’t have as many Miraculous to use to his advantage.

Wonderland: Sweet!

Monkey Business: Oh boy!

I Studied The Blade: I won’t let you down.

My Little Pony: That includes a Kwami to hide, right?

Danger Noodle: Probably.

Kitkat: Yep. Welcome to the world of smelly cheese!

Bugaboo: Well, none of them really prefer cheese. They’re pretty obvious in their likes, really. Fluff likes carrots, Xuppu likes bananas, Kaalki takes sugarcubes, Sass wants boiled eggs, and Longg enjoys spicy things in general.

Kitkat: Goddamn it. Why must I suffer?

Queen Bitch: Probably because your power is bad luck?

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Hey, Snake boy. Remember when you said that you wanted to offer to let me hang out at your place to get away from shitty things in my life? Does that offer still stand?

Danger Noodle: In theory, yes. But secret identities mean I can’t do that.

Wonderland: Curses. Secret identities get in the way once again.

Monkey Business: You could just blindfold her so she doesn’t see you?

Danger Noodle: I don’t want to try to explain to my sister why I have a blindfolded girl in my room because there is no explanation that sounds good.

Vulpix: I mean you could just take one for the team and let your sister think you’re into some stuff.

Bugaboo: You people make me glad I’m an only child.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m wondering what would be worse in that situation: Blindfolded Chloé, or blindfolded Honeybee.

My Little Pony: Honeybee would be more dangerous long-term, but Chloé would likely prompt more questions.

I Studied The Blade: I would offer, but my mother doesn’t usually let me bring guests over. That, and I have fencing practice in an hour. You could come to watch if you like.

Queen Bitch: Yeah… I don’t think that’ll be easy at the moment….

Kitkat: Is something else going on? Because I figured it was just your mom again.

Queen Bitch: She’s making it worse, but do none of you watch the news?

Vulpix: Oh shit. I just got up and my sister was talking about it and I will say I defended you but also we might want to do something before she decks you.

Hero In A Half-Shell: What did she do that would ever make that necessary?

Bugaboo: What’s going on?

Wonderland: Now I’m concerned.

Queen Bitch: Someone got a video of Hawkmoth offering me the Tiger Miraculous and sent it to the local news station. They’ve already run a story on ‘me helping Hawkmoth’. I’d show up as Honeybee to make a statement that it’s not what happened, but I can’t really sneak out of the hotel right now.

Kitkat: Tabloid motherfuckers.

Monkey Business: That’s fucked up.

Vulpix: It’s not even just tabloids. It’s pretty much every news source except the Ladyblog.

Danger Noodle: Okay. Forget my house. I’m going to your place.

Wonderland: Same.

Bugaboo: Hold on a minute before you go. If a bunch of Heroes are seen sprinting full-tilt toward the Hotel, the news will figure out something’s up. We need to back up and regroup. Think of a way to handle the news sources first.

Kitkat: LB, I love you and respect that. But I’m not leaving a friend to the hounds. Especially considering the situation’s bad enough without Audrey being a fuck and making it worse.

Queen Bitch: Yeah. At first she was berating me for being so selfish and despicable to work with a Supervillain just for a taste of power. When I told her I didn’t join Hawkmoth, she told me how much of a coward I was for not taking the offered power.

Queen Bitch: I’m away from her for now though. I ended up going over to Jagged’s suite and she doesn’t get along with Fang. I do, which is why Jagged and Penny let me tell them what’s going on instead of kicking me out.

My Little Pony: Counter solution: I can use Voyage to get you out of there without anyone noticing. We can then regroup and come up with a plan.

Vulpix: Good idea! I’ve been scouring the news sites to see what all they’re saying, and a lot of it is speculation about Chloé’s motive. While her past as a jerk is known, a lot of people are assuming this is about the Bee Miraculous.

Vulpix: Honeybee coming to Chloé’s defense over these accusations would help out. It would not only be proof to the people of Paris that Chloé has no bad feelings toward her ‘replacement’, but also get the message through to Hawkmoth that he can’t turn her against us.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Yeah. You know, I think since the Ladyblog is the only news site that hasn’t reported on the situation, perhaps you should give an interview over there?

Vulpix: 😊

I Studied The Blade: It would help the blogger as well. I know the girl who runs it is a friend of Marinette and Adrien. They had mentioned some worry over that whole Lila situation, and how reporting some of her earlier lies could have had an impact on the blog.

I Studied The Blade: It could be a good way to show that not only is Alya now looking into things a bit better after that debacle, but also that even big news stations run by several big-name professionals can make mistakes.

Bugaboo: If they wanted proof of that, I’d ask them to rewatch that interview that caused Nadja to turn into Prime Queen. But yes, going to Alya would be our best bet.

Danger Noodle: It wouldn’t be too weird. Alya is one of Chloé’s classmates so it’s not too random.

Wonderland: You know, Chloé did mention the idea for a PR team. Between her merch department and Alya, the pair of them would be

Kitkat: When the hell did she talk about a PR team??? It’s a good idea, but what?

Wonderland: in the DMs.

Monkey Business: Oh? You’re in her DMs? Should Alix be jealous?

Wonderland: Oh. So jealous. Totally gonna seduce her away from her gf.

Queen Bitch: jkdsfhhklgv;kj.hcXZ kb

Hero In A Half-Shell: You okay there?

Vulpix: I think Fang must’ve got her.

Queen Bitch: I’m totally fine!

Chapter Text

My Little Pony: I have questions about having the Miraculous full-time. Such as: do you know what sort of side-effects to expect?

Queen Bitch: Well I think you’ll figure it out once you start neighing like that girl you knew who was obsessed with horses when you were seven. So you know. Have fun!

Kitkat: I’d have sympathy, but you all make fun of me for purring so fuck off.

Vulpix: I’m not sure if the need to parkour everywhere is a side effect or just habit from running around the city.

Monkey Business: I just already have that feeling. Though it has gotten worse since using the Monkey Miraculous…

Hero In A Half-Shell: Tell me about it. Do you know how many times Rena and I almost jump off the second story to get to class faster?

Wonderland: As long as my life doesn’t turn into a badly written a/b/o fanfic, I’m good.

I Studied The Blade: What does that mean??

Danger Noodle: We’ll explain later but I agree with the sentiment.

Kitkat: That very much does not happen and I am glad.

Bugaboo: I can’t say much for the parkouring, but the animal side effects can be annoying at times. Especially with winter coming.

Kitkat: Oh no. Please tell me we’re not getting Sleepybug again. It was adorable but difficult in fights. 

Monkey Business: Sleepybug?

My Little Pony: Oh. Real ladybugs hibernate during winter.

Bugaboo: Yeah. Bugs in general have problems in cold weather, which will effect me and Chloé a bit. I think Carapace and Viperion will get effected too. Cold-blooded animals and all.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Thanks for the warning.

I Studied The Blade: Does that go for Dragons as well? They are reptiles, correct?

Bugaboo: I wasn’t sure so I asked the Kwami. They say that Dragons are technically reptiles, but they’re Magic and have fire, so they can make their own body heat that ignores cold to an extent.

Queen Bitch: If we end up in a cuddle pile due to the cold I am absolutely stealing you to be my own personal furnace. Especially as we know each other’s identities so we can meet up outside of the costume.

Wonderland: Ah yes. The benefits of a lack of identity shenanigans.

Danger Noodle: Does anyone else get weird winter effects?

Bugaboo: Rena and Bunnyx supposedly have a Winter Coat. You might find your costumes automatically getting paler and adding fur accents. Along with your actual hair thickening for a bit.

Vulpix: I didn’t think my hair could get thicker but we’ll see how it goes.

Bugaboo: On the bright side: Hawkmoth also probably has side-effects so he’s less active in winter as well. Butterflies are bugs too you know.

Queen Bitch: Yeah, but he doesn’t have to go out actually fighting! I bet that son of a bitch is curled up in his lair with a blanket nest, snuggling with Mayura and sipping hot chocolate while he monologues about stealing the Miraculous!

Queen Bitch: Meet me at the Eiffel Tower in the middle of a December Snowstorm for an asskicking you coward!!

My Little Pony: Is this a Bee Side effect? Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this ready to fight.

Kitkat: I think she’s always been like this, though the Bee probably makes it worse. After all, you know what happens if you start swinging at a beehive.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Remember when we were discussing ‘does this count as a double date if two people don’t know it’s a double date?’

Vulpix: Is this an update on the ‘Adrigaminette’ situation?

Bugaboo: Can’t be. Adrien has a photoshoot right now.

Hero In A Half-Shell: How do you know that?

Bugaboo: Passed by the park where the cameras are?

Danger Noodle: That is plausible but the question mark concerns me.

Wonderland: Now I wonder what Adrien would be thinking if he ever knew that Ladybug herself passed right by the park and he missed her.

Kitkat: He’d be devastated, I’m sure.

I Studied The Blade: I am currently at home, so I have no part in whatever is going on.

Queen Bitch: I’m actually talking about how Alix and I made a date out of spying on Kim and Max’s date.

Queen Bitch: I’m justifying it with the fact that they went to the Aquarium, and considering how their Zoo visit went…..

Wonderland: Kim might try to challenge a shark to a swimming contest.

Queen Bitch: I did see that he’s wearing his swim trunks under his clothes when he flexed so yeah.

My Little Pony: I’m sure he wouldn’t…

Vulpix: If someone suggested it, he absolutely would.

Bugaboo: Maybe don’t suggest it? I haven’t gotten done making more of the potion sets yet, so I really don’t want to have us dealing with another water Akuma.

Danger Noodle: I know you’re thinking some Aquarium worker would get Akumatized, but tbh my mind went immediately to ‘Can Hawkmoth Akumatize a Shark?’

Kitkat: No. You’re not allowed to even suggest that. We’ve had Akumatized Robots and even Akumatized Sentimonsters! I don’t want to know if he can Akumatize actual animals!

Queen Bitch: I wonder who will be the one to make the first move. Want to take bets? Who thinks it’ll be Max?

Queen Bitch: Oh. Wait. Nevermind. Kim already went in for it.

Wonderland: Huh. Almost as if he could feel the challenge

Queen Bitch: Also we just got caught and we’re running so might not respond

Monkey Business: Well maybe you shouldn’t have been gossiping about their date?

My Little Pony: I don’t think they’d appreciate knowing that you gossiped about them.

Kitkat: Oh. So it’s fine to gossip about my love life, but not their love life?

Queen Bitch: Not to mention talking about me and Alix. Or anything about the ‘lukadrigaminette’ situation

Vulpix: WHEN THE FUCK DID LUKA GET ADDED TO THE ADRIGAMINETTE????

Hero In A Half-Shell: I figured Luka was more of a wrench in the plan than part of the endgame.

Queen Bitch: You think Adrien ‘Disaster Bi’ Agreste is going to let someone like Luka get away? Cute Rockstar rebel with a heart of gold? Absolutely not.

Danger Noodle:….

Danger Noodle: I wasn’t aware you’ve met him.

Queen Bitch: I haven’t met ‘Luka’ in person, yet. Though I hear things from other gossip sources. And there’s some pictures of him on Mari and Adrien’s instagrams so you know.

Bugaboo: I am unsure how to feel about this.

I Studied The Blade: As am I. I’m not entirely opposed to it, but the most time I’ve spent talking with Luka is that time while ice skating when Marinette and Adrien suddenly disappeared in the Akuma attack.

Monkey Business: Wait….

Monkey Business: How does the ‘Marichat’ fit in?

Vulpix: I am so proud that you automatically know the proper name for Marinette/Chat without me telling you!

Vulpix: That said… there is a weird thing about that.

Kitkat: Oh boy. Here we go.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Buckle up kids. She’s typing something real long. Last time we got the ‘Hawkmoth is a bitch ass motherfucker’ speech

Bugaboo: I’m begging you, please don’t go down this path.

My Little Pony: I shouldn’t encourage this, but this does distract from the current date subject.

Wonderland: Don’t worry. We’re going back to that later.

Vulpix: Okay. So. We all know about the various mixed emotions in the ‘Lukadrigaminette’ possibility. But then there’s Chat added in. He likes Mari, and don’t think I didn’t see you flirting a little with Kagami. So potentially if he interacts with Luka and Adrien we could have a five-way. But then we also toss in whatever happened in that closet between Chat and Viperion. And then we add in Ladybug and her Mystery Boy.

Vulpix: Did I leave anything out?

Kitkat: Viperion mentioned interest in Marinette! And I know him and Kagami have been talking in the DMs a lot!

Danger Noodle: Don’t encourage this.

Kitkat: If I have to go down I’m taking you with me.

I Studied The Blade: Honestly the idea of Chat and Adrien together has broken me.

Queen Bitch: It’s broken me in a few ways too. Just not in the way you think.

Vulpix: Okay, I'm officially making a chart for this bullshit. 

Wonderland: I am going gray just thinking about this. 

Queen Bitch: Just imagine what it would look like if they didn’t know that Kagami was Arashi.

Wonderland: That’s it. I am officially charging all of you for my hair dye bills.

Queen Bitch: Same.

Bugaboo: You could buy an entire salon! Don’t charge us!!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Oh god. I’m just imaging what would’ve happened if Rena and I didn’t know each other’s identities. It’d be this weird lovesquare full of near-misses and a lot of miscommunication when we have to disappear to fight. And if we fell in love again as Heroes? Damn.

Wonderland: Yeah…. What are the chances of that sort of scenario ever happening…

Queen Bitch: At least you’d already have one ‘corner’ in a relationship and wouldn’t do something like, oh, I don’t know. Carapace falls for Rena but Rena falls for Civilian!Carapace.

Monkey Business: God. I might’ve been an idiot with my own romance but at least I’m not that dumb!

My Little Pony: That sounds stressful for anyone who would know both of your identities.

Bugaboo: I’m going to ban all of you I swear to fuck.

Queen Bitch: Might as well. We kinda lost Kim and Max so I’m not sure where the date went anymore.

My Little Pony: Did you actually lose them, or are you just giving up on informing us about their date?

Queen Bitch: You will never find out.

Chapter Text

Vulpix: Okay, so we all know that Chloé followed the rest of that date. What do I have to offer to get more details on that?

Queen Bitch: A formal apology for the noise complaint I got last sleepover? I think the only time my dad’s upset with me is if I bother hotel guests, so that was an ordeal.

Bugaboo: MAYBE IF YOU DON’T WANT A NOISE COMPLAINT YOU SHOULDN’T KILL OFF A FAVORITE CHARACTER

Monkey Business: All the man wanted to do is love his wife and daughter! But no! He has to get shot in a phone booth!

Kitkat: We didn’t write it!

Hero In A Half-Shell: But you guys knew it was coming and still made us watch it!!!

Danger Noodle: Look at it this way: Even though that happened, you still like the series enough to keep going, right?

My Little Pony: I doubt that we’re getting a choice in the matter.

Wonderland: Knowing them? Absolutely not.

Hero In A Half Shell: I’d be lying if I said no though.

Queen Bitch: Good! Because pretty soon you all get to meet The Husband™

Danger Noodle: Wait… do you mean ‘Huh?’ or ‘This is more of a titties out look’?

Queen Bitch: I’d say ‘both’, but that happens much later.

Kitkat: Considering you refer to several characters as ‘The Husband™’ and ‘The Wife™’….

Queen Bitch: you’re just jealous that I’m winning the bet on who everyone’s favorite characters will be.

Kitkat: yougotmethere.png

Bugaboo: Good. Take him down a peg.

Vulpix: HA

Kitkat: I feel so betrayed!

Danger Noodle: Hey, so about that thing where Chloé calls all the characters ‘The Husband™’ or ‘The Wife™’…. Does that apply to Olivier Armstrong?

Queen Bitch: Yeah why?

Danger Noodle: How the actual fuck did you ever think you were straight?

Queen Bitch: A lot of denial. Like a LOT. 

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: if lb ever gos on matrnity leavr I call dibs being replacing Laddybug

Bugaboo: That is a fucking ominous message to get first thing in the morning????

Bugaboo: Obviously I know I’m not pregnant but I’m concerned for what made you think of that???

Danger Noodle: idk why she’s thinking about it but now I’m thinking about it too and she has a point.

Bugaboo: What do you mean ‘she has a point???’.

My Little Pony: I think he means that if you, or any of the women on the team for that matter, get pregnant then you will be banned from going into battle.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You realize that when Rena wakes up she’s going to be upset that Chloé called dibs on that, right?

Wonderland: Absolutely.

Bugaboo: I’m still wondering what the fuck???

Queen Bitch: Okay, I wrote that when I woke up from a weird ass dream and didn’t realize the terrifying lack of context, but the constant phone dings woke me up more

Queen Bitch: I had a dream where Ladybug announced that she was pregnant and one of us had to temporarily replace her because of that, and we spent forever fighting over it. So I decided to call dibs now just in case.

Vulpix: Okay you guys woke me up and Chloé I will absolutely fight you for the chance to be LB for a while.

I Studied The Blade: I’m also throwing my proverbial hat into the ring, if only because of the strategy. People might panic if Ladybug gets replaced, and telling people of the pregnancy might compromise her identity. While we don’t look identical, I look the closest to Ladybug. If we use the Miraculous’ Glamour to our advantage, then people might not notice.

Monkey Business: Okay, but I’m also joining this because I’m not going to back down from a challenge.

Wonderland: I’m now entering because him as Ladybug is a BAD IDEA

Monkey Business: Okay first of all fuck you

Danger Noodle: That’s it. I’m taking the Ladybug Miraculous because I’m the closest thing to adult supervision we have!

My Little Pony: Mom says it’s my turn to use the Ladybug Miraculous.

Bugaboo: May I remind all of you that this is a scenario that is absolutely not happening any time soon???? I’m not even dating anyone yet!!

Kitkat: I’m awake now and all I have to ask is ‘who was the dad in this dream’.

Queen Bitch: tbh I can’t remember. I’m awake now and all my dreams are starting to fade. The only things I remember is pregnant LB and the Hedgehog Miraculous.

Danger Noodle: Can you repeat that last part please?

Bugaboo: Again, not pregnant. And also there isn’t a Hedgehog Miraculous as far as I know?

Vulpix: Considering all the others we’ve seen so far, I don’t doubt that there might be one out there somewhere.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You realize that anyone who gets a hold of that thing nowadays will make a Sonic reference, right?

Monkey Business: Gotta go fast motherfuckers!

Queen Bitch: So… the dream version of the Hedgehog Miraculous was already a Sonic reference. The Miraculous itself was a ring, it had three powers like the Dragon does, which included Speed Boost(Sonic), Chaos Control(Shadow), and Telekinesis(Silver). The weapon was a hammer(Amy).

Queen Bitch: This is also where I admit that this happened because I fell asleep playing SA2

Kitkat: You nerd.

My Little Pony: I feel offended that the Hedgehog would get a teleportation power when that’s basically already what I can do.

Wonderland: I mean yeah, but that’s like saying we don’t need Viperion because I’m here.

Danger Noodle: Second Chance and Burrow might both be Time Travel, but they function pretty differently.

Vulpix: So, idk if you noticed, but the Ladyblog does have a spot for people to make up their own ‘fan Heroes’. If you wanted to draw this one out and submit it…

Hero In A Half-Shell: People will absolutely call her out on the Sonic thing though.

Vulpix: Yeah, but do you know how many other fan heroes are based off some other show or something? I’d be surprised if there wasn’t already a Sonic one.

Kitkat: TBH at first I was like ‘you can’t have a hedgehog Miraculous based on Sonic because he’s not actually a hedgehog’ but you know what fuck it.

Queen Bitch: Oh yeah I forgot about that.

My Little Pony: What do you mean ‘he’s not actually a hedgehog’? Is that not the point of the series?

Kitkat: Yeah, but Sonic’s actually an alien that happens to look very similar to Earth’s Hedgehogs and even he doesn’t know it.

Bugaboo: I’m going to regret asking. Please stop me from asking.

Vulpix: This is something where if I ask for an explanation, I’m going to go so far down the rabbit hole of Sonic the Hedgehog lore that I’m not coming out, am I?

Monkey Business: Yeah this sounds like a ‘time to dive deep into the wiki and fanblogs’ thing so I’m just gonna not.

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m not awake enough for this.

Wonderland: Wait, so technically that whole rivalry between Sonic and Shadow over which one of them is the ‘faker’ has an actual answer of Sonic being the fake because he’s not a real hedgehog?

Queen Bitch: Actually, Shadow is basically the Alien Hedgehog equivalent of a Homunculous, so they’re both ‘fake hedgehogs’.

I Studied The Blade: And this somehow leads us in a circle to fma…

Danger Noodle: The circle of stupidity is complete.

Chapter Text

Vulpix: So I just found a small community of our fans that I think everyone should know about: The ‘Adrichat shippers’.

Hero In A Half-Shell: The WHAT

Monkey Business: Is that what I think it is?

My Little Pony: Unfortunately I think it is.

Bugaboo:skdfkj;b;hfskdjbsd;kgkdsuj

I Studied The Blade: If this is what I think it is I would like to request the links now.

Danger Noodle: I was curious but I wasn’t going to be bold enough to request the links but tbh now I have to know.

Queen Bitch: Oh my god this is beautiful.

Wonderland: I’m dying.

Kitkat: idk how to feel about this????

Kitkat: How did this happen????

Vulpix: From my digging around, it started after LB saved Adrien a few times. And then people were like ‘hey, why doesn’t Chat Noir save Adrien?’ and it escalated from there.

Bugaboo: Wait, does that mean there might be some fics of me and Adrien????

My Little Pony: Most likely.

I Studied The Blade: I would also like links to those.

Bugaboo: kj;sdhf;iuzshgkajf

Queen Bitch: I just realized that there’s probably a decent amount of Queen Bee x Honeybee fic out there and I am having a crisis.

Vulpix: That’s how I found out about ‘Adrichat’. I ran across a fic that mentioned both since you and Adrien are friends irl.

Vulpix: It also featured Kagami x Arashi, and let me tell you that ship is the physical embodiment of ‘homoerotic swordfighting’.

I Studied The Blade: I would expect nothing less.

I Studied The Blade: Also, send me those as well.

Danger Noodle: Bruh

I Studied The Blade: It sounds narcissistic, but I find it interesting.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Rena, I thought you stopped looking at fanfic of the Team after last time?

Vulpix: Look man. I used to read that stuff so my followerbase sometimes sends me stuff and then you go down the rabbithole.

Wonderland: Speaking of rabbitholes!

Wonderland: Wait considering what we’re talking about I’m retracting that statement.

Wonderland: Anyway, I dug up some more ‘Hero x sort-of-famous Civilian’ fics and found a few more interesting ones!

Queen Bitch: Sort of famous?!

Wonderland: I found a good amount of various Heroes with the Ladyblogger, Alya. Though the most popular after ‘Ladyblogger x Ladybug’ is ‘Ladyblogger x Rena Rouge’, since Alya has praised Rena the most out of the secondary Heroes. And in third place is 'Ladyblogger x Carapace'. 

Wonderland: And I did find exactly one Ladybug x MDC fic!

Queen Bitch: Okay that forbidden knowledge makes up for the ‘sort of famous’ comment.

Bugaboo: I am unsure how to feel about that.

Vulpix: I know. Considering everyone has a crush on Mari she should have more fanfic.

Monkey Business: Glad I’m not famous enough for fanfic.

Wonderland: Civilian you might not be but I’m scrolling the ‘Roi Singe x Pegasus’ tag right now so have fun with that knowledge!

Kitkat: This whole conversation is cursed but it’s especially cursed because I’m now going through the Adrichat tag and I am unsure how to feel about some of this.

Kitkat: Like I don’t have to even read through the smut ones because they’re extensively tagged and literally all of them are like top/dom!Chat and sub/bottom!Adrien like none of these writers know me so how are they making the universal decision on what I like?????

Queen Bitch: Because both ‘Chat’ and ‘Adrien’ are bottom/sub, but one of you has to be the top/dom by default and everyone assumes the one in the leather catsuit is the one with ‘experience’.

Wonderland: Come for the guy’s entire life why don’t you?

Hero In A Half-Shell: this whole conversation is concerning

Queen Bitch: Okay, so I’m now going to buy a Chat bodypillow for Adrien and give it to him with no context have fun explaining that one to Nathalie

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Chloé I hate you so much

Queen Bitch: Valid, but what did I do now?

Bugaboo: This probably has something to do with ‘Adrichat’ trending on Twitter.

Wonderland: She actually bought Adrien a Chat bodypillow and gave it to him in class.

Monkey Business: How do you know that?

Wonderland: I have my sources.

Vulpix: Also it was posted to the Ladyblog when it happened. Idk how it’s not like the Ladyblogger was tipped off or anything.

Hero In A Half-Shell: You’re devious and I love you but I am worried that Adrien will get in trouble.

Queen Bitch: I wouldn’t have done it if I thought Adrien would get in trouble so he’s fine.

Danger Noodle: How am I supposed to explain to my sister that I’m sitting here cackling at the Adrichat twitter? Because it shouldn’t be this funny but it is.

I Studied The Blade: Fanartists work fast.

Kitkat: If anyone needs me I’ll be at the bottom of the river

My Little Pony: Technically, with the superpowers, you could do that.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Don’t encourage him!!

Wonderland: Now if only we could get LB x MDC trending on twitter.

Queen Bitch: You do remember how I set up twitter accounts for all of us? We could.

Bugaboo: If you even try that I swear I will get Queen Bee x Honeybee trending too.

My Little Pony: Isn’t it possible that it might lead back to her identity?

Wonderland: Nah.

Monkey Business: But then she’ll retaliate and get another ship going.

I Studied The Blade: In reality, what are the chances of seeing Chat and Adrien kiss?

Vulpix: Well let’s just say I have the power of Magic and Photoshop on my side!

Kitkat: PLEASE DON’T PHOTOSHOP ME MAKING OUT WITH LITERALLY ANYONE

Danger Noodle: I think she meant using her Illusion powers and taking a photo.

Bugaboo: That is a little bit of an abuse of power.

Vulpix: LB I love you and you are pure and innocent but I know you have to have used at least one Miraculous thing for personal gain before.

Vulpix: Also I won’t literally because that could cause some trouble but I will send any good fics that get recommended

Queen Bitch: Maybe I should buy Hero Bodypillows for more of my classmates so it’s less suspicious.

Bugaboo: HOW IS THAT ANY KIND OF SUSPICIOUS IN THE FIRST PLACE?????

Chapter Text

Direct Message (@Bugaboo)

My Little Pony: If we figure out someone's identity, we are supposed to inform you, right?

Bugaboo: oh no.

Bugaboo: I mean, yes, inform me, but also "oh god what do you know?!"

My Little Pony: Kim is not subtle. Roi Singe is even less subtle.

Bugaboo: okay. Not too bad. I figured there might be a Rena/Carapace situation there. What happened, exactly?

My Little Pony: That last Akuma attack interrupted a date. Kim managed to run off and transform before I did, and came back to save me. While I had noticed the similarities between Kim and Roi Singe, him outright flirting with me despite how my romance drama is detailed in the chat was what really did it.

Bugaboo: did you tell him about your identity or.....

My Little Pony: I figured it would be better if I did to avoid complications and drama surrounding it. As Rena Rouge and Carapace seem to have a similar situation, I assumed you would be okay with that?

Bugaboo: yeah, it's.... while I would prefer to keep everyone a secret, sometimes that's too difficult. And probably what I get for putting couples on a team without telling them.

Queen Bitch: Why do I sense a disturbance in the Force???

Hero In A Half-Shell: Did you just say 'a disturbance in the force?'

Danger Noodle: I'm more surprised she capitalized 'Force'

Queen Bitch: It's an Important Word so it must be Capitalized!

Vulpix: You read Septimus Heap, didn't you?

Queen Bitch: I hate that you're right!!

Bugaboo: I'm unsure if this is related, but I was going to update the chat: Roi Singe and Pegasus figured out each other's identities and are now dating.

Monkey Business: we were dating anyway which is how we figured it out.

Wonderland: oh thank fuck that's going to cut down on some of the romance drama.

Queen Bitch: even a full reveal wouldn't cut down the romance drama.

KitKat: I feel insulted somehow.

Bugaboo: I'm concerned over your comments...

I Studied The Blade: I believe they just meant that there could be complications that arise when two Heroes date without revealing their identities. Such as always being late for dates because they have to disappear to fight.

Wonderland: Exactly. It’d get suspicious and cause drama in the relationship because ‘Yeah, I keep disappearing but I’m not going to tell you why’.

Queen Bitch: And a reveal wouldn’t cut down on the romance drama because certain people are in love with several people at a time and that needs to be resolved.

Wonderland: At least you told the chat that you found out because it would totally suck if you couldn’t make out with your partner while in Hero Form because it would give away your identity.

Bugaboo: Right…. Just... remember to stick to only making out as Heroes or as Civilians because Hero/Civilian might cause an issue.

Monkey Business: Will do!

Vulpix: Also maybe stop by the Ladyblogger to give her the first scoop on the relationship!

My Little Pony: Better than letting the media speculate.  

Chapter Text

Vulpix: Hey, Chloé, quick question:

Vulpix: Who the FUCK is Resin???

Bugaboo: I would have preferred if she answered that privately to preserve identities but I know your curiosity.

Kitkat: Don’t worry Rena. Curiosity kills me too.

Hero In A Half-Shell: dude…. no

My Little Pony: Wait. Resin wasn’t already Ladybug Approved?

Monkey Business: I thought Ladybug approved everyone?

I Studied The Blade: Ironically, the Bee Heroes seem to be the ones she never has control of.

Danger Noodle: True tho.

Wonderland: Probably Chloé just grabbed who she could in an emergency.

Bugaboo: It’s true but who?

Queen Bitch: Omg are y’all really that dumb?

Kitkat: Chloé be nice

Monkey Business: DID YOU JUST TYPE ‘Y’ALL’?????

Hero In A Half-Shell: This is Paris, France not Paris, Texas!

Queen Bitch: I’ve been hanging out with ‘Resin’ all day so I might’ve picked up some words.

My Little Pony: So he’s American?

Vulpix: I thought he had an accent.

Danger Noodle: Where the hell did you get a random American?

I Studied The Blade: She does live in a hotel. Perhaps one of the guests?

Bugaboo: Okay but who the hell???

Wonderland: I was hoping everyone was joking but maybe it just makes sense to me.

Queen Bitch: Guys. I just. I can’t with you people.  

Queen Bitch: I’m sick and confined to this floor. How many American men do you think I have access to?????

Bugaboo: Well not many but

Bugaboo: Wait

Kitkat: WAS THAT JAGGED FUCKING STONE????

Danger Noodle: How the fuck did I not realize it was Jagged until you pointed it out like that??

Wonderland: Something about the Miraculous having Glamours and it’s real hard to realize unless you get just the right hints?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I fought side-by-side with a Rock Legend and I had no idea….

Vulpix: Oh god this knowledge is killing me!! Do you have any idea how nuts people would go if they knew Jagged Stone was a temporary Hero??

Monkey Business: Can he show up to another fight so we all can say we were fighting side-by-side with a Rock Legend?

Pegasus: It probably depends on if another Akuma appears while Chloé is sick.

Queen Bitch: If I’m still sick and Jagged isn’t busy next Akuma I’ll have him go again.

I Studied The Blade: I believe you may have jinxed something.

Chapter Text

Danger Noodle: Do any of you know how to get rid of curses?

Bugaboo: I helped with one curse but it might've been just dumb luck?

Kitkat: Given my powers I'm probably the opposite of what you need. 

Queen Bitch: Well there's two Witches we can ask so you know. 

My Little Pony: What kind of curse is it?

Danger Noodle: This is going to sound weird but like. My sister keeps referring to Dragons as 'weird dogs'?

Danger Noodle: I thought it was a joke but then we were discussing Arashi and we got into a... debate I guess?

Monkey Business: Are you sure she's not just dumb?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Chloé be nice

Queen Bitch: I didn't say that one jackass!!!!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Sorry. Habit. 

Vulpix: I'm guessing he meant "are you sure she just doesn't know what a Dragon is?". Because that's my question. 

I Studied The Blade: How do you not know what a Dragon is?

Wonderland: maybe if you're a little kid but Viperion's sister is, like, our age?

Danger Noodle: you're right but how did you know that?

Wonderland: you mentioned her killing you over laundry so I figured she was old enough to share chores?

Danger Noodle: that makes sense but adding the question mark is suspicious. 

Monkey Business: not gonna lie I wasn't being that nice but thanks for believing in me!

Queen Bitch: you're not welcome. 

Kitkat: Chloé be nice. 

My Little Pony: While I am not questioning your sister's intelligence, "being unable to identify Dragons" is a strange and oddly specific curse. 

Danger Noodle: I'm going to be honest, it's not the first curse we've had to deal with. My mom collects a lot of random trinkets and sometimes they're a little Magic. 

Danger Noodle: Most curses disappeared on their own after a day or so. Only two have lasted. One was when I was eleven and I couldn't talk for a week. And then my sister had this photo curse for about two years where she never really ended up on camera. 

Kitkat: bruh. 

Bugaboo: I definitely don't know if I can help you. Again, solved one curse by accident. I could try hitting her with Miraculous Cure but idk if it'll work. 

Queen Bitch: Again there's like two Witches we can ask so why it go to them?

Monkey Business: You know two Witches???

I Studied The Blade: Where does one even find a Witch?

Queen Bitch: okay I forgot that most of you probably don't know about Jagged but you guys have met Ariel, right?

Vulpix: HOLD UP

Vulpix: DID YOU JUST IMPLY THAT JAGGED STONE IS A WITCH???? 

Danger Noodle: that would actually make a few things make sense. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: nononono you gotta explain that. 

My Little Pony: Is this true or something in a tabloid?

Wonderland: Considering how well-behaved Fang is I don't doubt Magic is involved. 

Queen Bitch: I mean, Fang is his Familiar so...

Kitkat: okay you gotta explain. How the hell do you know this??

Queen Bitch: I asked after Resin because I noticed that the Miraculous Magic affects Fang when it affects Jagged. When Jagged was Akumatized Fang was turned into a Dragon. And when he used the Bee Miraculous, Fang's collar changed. 

Danger Noodle: again, some stories make sense now. 

I Studied The Blade: wedonthavetimetounpackallofthat.png

Monkey Business: who is teaching you how to meme?? Every time you do it kills me!

I Studied The Blade: Then perish. 

Monkey Business: .kjshlkfdgk;gak

Vulpix: I’m more interested in the ‘Dragon Witch’ you mentioned. I heard some rumors when I first started investigating Magic stuff in Paris but all I got was whispers.

Queen Bitch: Wait. You guys haven’t met her? Because I was under the assumption she met with all of the Heroes? Maybe she was just direct with me because my identity was known. But I doubt you guys have been running around as Magic animal-themed Superheroes without her popping up. 

Queen Bitch: Really tall with a lot of red hair. Sounds cryptic as fuck even when giving direct answers. Remember her now?

Bugaboo: Oh. She comes into my parent’s shop all the time.

Kitkat: Huh. I remember talking to someone like that when I was running back to work after an Akuma.  

Hero In A Half-Shell: Like, the weekend after I got my Miraculous, Rena and I took our little siblings to the park and saw someone like that.

Vulpix: The kids spotted her first and ran up to compliment her hair.

Wonderland: I saw her at the museum once.

Monkey Business: Remember that party where I first got my Miraculous? I saw her there and confronted her about it being a guys-only party and she told me ‘Gender is fake as fuck, here’s some bananabread’.

My Little Pony: I once had an in-depth conversation on Zelda lore with someone matching that description.

I Studied The Blade: She talked to me after fencing practice. Said something about being ‘glad to meet a fellow Dragon’. I wondered if she was crazy, but I got an… odd vibe from her.

Danger Noodle: I dropped off a delivery for someone like that. Ran some kind of new-age Magic shop. Like the kind of place my mom would go to get more cursed items.

Queen Bitch: That’s her. She runs a shop called  L'Enchantment Royale. She can probably help with your ‘weird dog’ curse.

Vulpix: She just runs a shop? The rumors I heard about the ‘Dragon Witch of Paris’ made her sound more important than that.

Queen Bitch: I mean she is. Trust me my dad was so terrified of her that he even tried to get my mother to not insult her. It didn’t work, but he managed to convince her to leave the room.

Kitkat: Yikes.

Bugaboo: You guys said she met you soon after you got your Miraculous?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Yep.

Vulpix: A little bit? I’d heard of her before but didn’t meet her until the park.

Danger Noodle: Like my next shift after. 

My Little Pony: Yes.

Monkey Business: To be fair, literally everyone was at that party.

Wonderland: It was right after Future!Me went back to the Future.

I Studied the Blade: Correct.

Bugaboo: …

Bugaboo: Chloé. Kagami. Have you seen her since Honeybee and Arashi showed up?

I Studied the Blade: No.

Queen Bitch: I went to her actually. About that bracelet that Plagg stole and caused the whole Rogercop incident. Wanted to see what Enchantment it had. 

Bugaboo:…

Kitkat: Do you think she knows our identities? Or is this a coincidence?

Vulpix: I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew. Rumor has it that the Dragon Witch knows about all Magic in Paris.

Vulpix: Also, before you have a panic attack over the possibility, if the rumors are true then it also means that we’d be protected from anyone else finding out. Both from a secret-keeping aspect and a ‘if something can force our Identities out of her we have bigger problems’ aspect.

I Studied The Blade: I believe it. As I said, I got a dangerous vibe from her.

Danger Noodle: I’m now realizing the irony in asking someone called the ‘Dragon Witch’ to help with a curse that makes my sister think Dragons are ‘weird dogs’.

Monkey Business: Is the ‘Dragon’ thing just a cool title or….

My Little Pony: I would say there’s no real Dragons, but after learning about the Miraculous it wouldn’t surprise me.

Bugaboo: There is a Dragon Miraculous which implies that they’re real, right?

Wonderland: Hello crisis time.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Now you know how I feel whenever you bring up alternate timelines

Wonderland: Just for that I’m telling you about the Timeline where you’re the Dragon Hero.

Chapter Text

Direct message (@Bugaboo)

Queen Bitch: There's something I keep wanting to talk to you about but hesitated to bring up before but

Queen Bitch: I think that, given how many people know each others' identities, a Reveal between the Team should happen sooner rather than later.

Queen Bitch: You knowing everyone is understandable. So is Chat knowing most of us. Rena and Carapace know each other. So do Pegasus and Roi Singe. Everyone knows me and Kagami. It's getting hard to keep up the identities.

Bugaboo: I get where you're coming from, and if more reveals happen we'll just have to deal with it. But I'm trying to minimize damage.

Bugaboo: If Hawkmoth gets one of us to spill the others identities, then it'd be best if we don't know. If someone other than Chat or me get compromised, then only four identities are at risk instead of all ten of us.

Bugaboo: If Chat or I go down then we're fucked anyway.

Queen Bitch: If we knew who you were, then if you were in a situation where you could be Akumatized we would know to prioritize grabbing your earrings so that someone else could replace you for the day.

Bugaboo: I would still be able to tell him who you are.

Queen Bitch: Counterpoint: look at how close those who know identities are?

Queen Bitch: You all can organize events through me and the hotel because you know who I am. We can seek one another out for more mundane friend reasons.

Queen Bitch: Remember when I wanted to get away from my mom for a few hours? All of you wanted to offer your places, but couldn't because of identities.

Queen Bitch: We could be there for one another whenever, without having to make excuses for the others in our lives. I know a lot of you guys have to lie to your parents for our sleepovers. You wouldn't have to lie. Hell, whenever we disappear for actual Hero work, we can come up with alibis for each other.

Queen Bitch: And as for being compromised, we can help each other with that. Talking to you guys who know both parts of me has helped me calm down more than once. I can talk about both Hero stress and my personal life. If you let us help you work out problems in your personal life, there's less of a chance you'll be compromised in the first place.

Queen Bitch: And what happens if you try to give Civilian!Chat a new Miraculous? Or if you let him choose someone and he happens to choose Civilian!you

Bugaboo: I... get what you're saying. Both have pros and cons.

Queen Bitch: Given how many of us know at least someone else's identities, I think it's only a matter of time before it all unravels like a cheap sweater.

Bugaboo: I don't think it's going to fall apart that easily.

Queen Bitch: Here’s a deal:

Queen Bitch: If any teammate, other than you or Chat, gains the knowledge of the identities of every current Teammate, we say fuck it to secret identities in the team?

Bugaboo: I… Can’t really argue with that. I doubt it will happen, but if it got to that point we might just have to.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Ladybug said that I could do this so here we go!

Bugaboo's name has been changed to Mini Macaron

KitKat's name has been changed to Adrikitty

Vulpix's name has been changed to Ladyblogger

Hero In A Half-Shell's name has been changed to DJ Clownboy

Monkey Business's name has been changed to Can't Outrun A Panther

My Little Pony's name has been changed to Friendship is Robots

Wonderland’s name has been changed to Rollersnake

Danger Noodle's name has been changed to Jagged's Secret Lovechild

Rollersnake: Oh. So that’s why you set up a camera in the class.

Queen Bitch: Yep! The screaming is beautiful!

I Studied The Blade: What is happening?

Queen Bitch: LB said that if someone guessed everyone’s identity we could have a full reveal which is good because it’s been killing me to know.

Jagged’s Secret Lovechild: That username is… not really proving you know who I am?

Queen Bitch: Luka. Juleka’s brother.

Jagged’s Secret Lovechild: How…? We never even met as civilians!

Rollersnake: That was on me! Partly. She probably would’ve figured it out from Instagram though.

Queen Bitch: Yeah like. Once you figure out that LB=Mari, then you realize she picked people she trusts, aka: her friends. From there it’s just a game of matching basic height/build. So if you’re not getting the references in the usernames, just use that trick.

Queen Bitch: And Adrien is not at all subtle as Chat so you know.

I Studied The Blade: I am unsure how to feel about this. On one hand, my friend group is… smaller than I thought.

I Studied The Blade: But on the other hand, I also feel like we are closer friends having befriended each other twice over.

Rollersnake: I bet you’re feeling the same way about your romance drama.

Jagged’s Secret Love Child: Same.

Jagged’s Secret Love Child: Wait

Jagged’s Secret Love Child: Were Marinette and Adrien in a love square with themselves?????

Queen Bitch: Yes. And I was very quickly going gray because having to watch them dance around each other is fucking painful.

I Studied The Blade: …

I Studied The Blade: I feel like the two of them getting together in inevitable now.

Rollersnake: Eh. It’s probably not so clear-cut.

Rollersnake: Sure, they’re kind of flirt-sparring through the class right now(and confusing the FUCK out of everyone not in this chat), but I think they liked you two enough for this to be a conversation later.

Jagged’s Secret Lovechild: You don’t seem all that surprised at this.

Rollersnake: Chloé clued me in when everyone was talking about her crush on me because she knew I was there and hearing it and we wouldn’t be able to look at each other in the face if she didn’t talk about it right then.

I Studied The Blade: May I ask what Luka’s username means?

Queen Bitch: Well when I first met ‘Viperion’ I didn’t know ‘Luka’, but he reminded me of Jagged so I figured he might be related to him and that’s how Mari knew him. Alix corrected me but you still remind me of Jagged so you know.

Rollersnake: It’s a joke because Luka looks like he could be Jagged’s kid.

I Studied The Blade: Is it a joke? Wasn’t his mother fairly close to Jagged?

Jagged’s Secret Lovechild: I mean, she was in his band. She left because she got pregnant and ‘rock and roll tour’ is not the best place to raise a child. But…

Jagged’s Secret Lovechild: ….

Jagged’s Secret Lovechild: I’m just. I’m just gonna go talk to my mom for a little bit.

Queen Bitch: Well then. Sorry for the crisis.

Queen Bitch: Alix, want to get out of dodge before Mari tries to kill me?

Rollersnake: Yeah. As fun as it is watching everyone panic, I don’t want to be killed.

Queen Bitch: And that’s why I set up a camera!

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Okay. Our names are changed back.

Monkey Business: So are we going to talk about this or…..? 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Bro, I think we have to.

Vulpix: No we do not. I am having too much of a crisis. I'm just going to jump straight to acceptance and scream for a while. 

Danger Noodle: Oh, you think you're having a crisis?? I just found out Jagged Stone might be my dad on top of all this!!

I Studied The Blade: So Chloé was right?

Bugaboo: I never want to hear the phrase "Chloé was right" ever again.

Danger Noodle: I still have no idea. My mom was kinda wild and had a handful of drunken one night stands during that time, but she neglected to mention that she and Jagged were kind of friends with benefits while on tour so there's a decent possibility. 

Vulpix: See, I'd much rather face this mystery than the fuckton of identity shenanigans because that is a Crisis. 

My Little Pony: Oh no. We are discussing the identity stuff. Because not only did you give me a crisis. 

My Little Pony: YOU GAVE MARKOV A CRISIS

Hero In A Half-Shell: How…?

My Little Pony: I don't know how you will react to this but Markov actually figured it out months ago?

Bugaboo: So you knew too????

My Little Pony: Not exactly. He mentioned it but…

My Little Pony: Best I can tell, AI are unaffected by Glamours. To make him able to tell people apart, I gave him face and voice recognition and the ability to analyze speech patterns, body language, and all sorts of other things that Humans typically pick up on both consciously and unconsciously. He recognized all of you as the same person, in and out of the mask, with no Magical interference. 

My Little Pony: However, the reason this didn't get mentioned was, admittedly, Human interference.

Danger Noodle: Huh?

My Little Pony: As I was fooled by the Glamour, I assumed that Markov's programming wasn't quite up to speed. That he was just mixing the similarities of two seperate people and believing them to be one person. So I manually corrected him, and he took that as fact, ignoring the fact that everything matched. 

My Little Pony: Infuriatingly, he has learned a new emotion. Smug.

I Studied The Blade: What does this mean for us? Would facial recognition out our identities? 

My Little Pony: I don’t think so because the Glamour still seems to affect Humans, as I was affected even when Markov pointed it out. From what I can tell, the Glamour will make you think of various excuses to not connect the identity, no matter how flimsy, unless faced with something you can’t really deny. Like what Chloé did by changing all of our names at once. 

Vulpix: That matches with what Trixx is explaining. He doesn’t quite know how tech interacts with Magic yet since it’s only a recent invention, but he is Kwami of Illusions so Glamours are in his domain. 

Bugaboo: So as long as we don’t encounter any other AI we should be good. And that’s currently low on the list. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: You know. Crisis aside, I’m kind of glad it’s you guys? Like, yeah I still would’ve liked you guys if you were total strangers I never met, but knowing we all became friends twice over? Kinda nice. 

Monkey Business: Until you remember that some people fell in love twice over. 

Kitkat: Thanks for bringing up my regrets. 

Kitkat: Not that I regret falling in love. Just that I learned I was basically cockblocking myself. 

I Studied The Blade: Unfortunately, this means that we can’t reenact the ‘Adrichat’ fic I read last week. 

Bugaboo: sdkjcgdvkhfsawjhvbm nsdip

Danger Noodle: Big mood

Wonderland: I have the power of Time Travel and Anime on my side!

Queen Bitch: heybillywethoughtyouweredead.png

Chapter Text

Trainwreck has been created

Kitkat has added Bugaboo, I Studied The Blade, and Danger Noodle to the chat. 

Kitkat: I know you hate to hear the phrase ‘Chloé was right’ but my love life is a trainwreck and I am just now understanding the full implications of that. 

Danger Noodle: On the bright side you only like three people instead of four?

Bugaboo: As the other person realizing that, let me tell you that it doesn’t help. 

Bugaboo: Also fuck you for saying ‘Chloé was right’. 

Kitkat: And what are you going to do about it? 

I Studied The Blade: I also have to say ‘Chloé was right’ because she called you out as a sub. 

Kitkat: Okay fuck you. 

I Studied The Blade: Is that a proposition? 

Kitkat: I have no idea anymore. 

I Studied The Blade: In all honesty, I am used to pursuing what I want without hesitation. I have hesitated, because I was unsure what I wanted. Now I am sure. Which means no more hesitating and just going for it, even if the idea is rejected. 

Bugaboo: Okay if you’re choosing someone we need to figure this out and I don’t want to go ‘oh you chose X so I guess I get Y’ because that’s a little not okay. Unless you’re choosing me which like? Why? But still that leaves Adrien adn Luka as a ‘pair the spares’ and I still dont’ even know if I’d say yes because god I like all of you how do you chose???

Kitkat: I think Luka has an idea on that…

Danger Noodle: I do have an idea and I think Kagami’s thinking the same thing. 

I Studied The Blade: I am not choosing. I am suggesting all four of us date each other. 

Bugaboo: You can do that????

Danger Noodle: You can. It might take a bit of communication to keep things going smoothly. 

Bugaboo: I am overwhelmed by the idea. 

Kitkat: I know Luka and Kagami are on board, and I’m willing to try it out. It’s okay if you’re not though. 

I Studied The Blade: Despite my determination, I will respect your rejection if you choose. 

Danger Noodle: If you want to take a little bit to think it over that’s okay. 

Bugaboo: If I take time I’ll probably overthink it. But I do kind of like the idea. My only question is how all the parents will react. Well, I know Papa will immediately begin asking you three about what flavor of wedding cake you want . 

Danger Noodle: You’ve met my family. Worst you’ll have to worry about is the ‘break his heart I’ll break your soul’ thing. 

I Studied The Blade: I am unsure how my mother will react. I know she likes both Adrien and Marinette and finds you to be worthy suitors, but Luka is a little out of her usual idea. I should be able to win her over by pointing out that he is something I wanted, and I did what I could to get him. 

Kitkat: So, I know my father is kind of. Yeah. But he does have a bit of a soft spot for romance. Especially complicated romance. 

Bugaboo: To quote Nino: 

Bugaboo: Doubt.png

Bugaboo: But we’ll see how it goes. 

I Studied The Blade: I believe our schedules are free tomorrow. Would you like to try out a group date?

Danger Noodle: I’m up for it. 

Bugaboo: If I get this commission done before patrol then I can go.

Kitkat: I might want to do a low-key disguise though because. Fangirls. 

Bugaboo: Ugh. I just remembered the last time your fans just thought I was your gf. Now that I

Bugaboo: dsakgalifuskjgvuokf;bvdfkbkjs

Danger Noodle: And she’s dead. 

Chapter Text

Kitkat: Why did no one tell me Juleka could be this terrifying???

Danger Noodle: You get the shovel talk?

Bugaboo: Yep. And he's right. Juleka is terrifying. Also Kagami you're next once she finds you. 

I Studied The Blade: I am prepared. 

Vulpix: Juleka probably wouldn't have been as ready to murder if you told her before instead of her finding out from Lila pulling some stuff so you're on the shit list too buddy.

Danger Noodle: I expected that but what happened with Lila now?

Bugaboo: She saw us on the group date. And by 'us' I mean you and I, since Kagami and Adrien's disguise of literally just sunglasses somehow worked. 

Kitkat: I told you. 

Bugaboo: Anyway, she snapped a picture and tried to use it to show Adrien I was "unavailable". Her face when Adrien said "ah yes. A cute picture of my girlfriend and our boyfriend." And then asked her to send him the picture.

I Studied The Blade: I see you are picking up my tactics.

Kitkat: Jokes on her. I blocked her number. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: So Luka why didn’t you tell Juleka about the dating thing?

Danger Noodle: I’ve been trying to wait until both she and mom were in the same place but that’s not happening right now.

My Little Pony: So how did the rest of your families react? 

Monkey Business: I'm placing money on Mari's parents planning the wedding cake flavors.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Don't take that bet because that is exactly what happened.

Bugaboo: Yeah…

I Studied The Blade: My mother was… she already approved of both Adrien and Marinette as partners. It will be difficult to get her to approve of Luka though. I will work on it, but hopefully she sees my determination as admirable instead of rebellious. 

Kitkat: I was surprised about father accepting Luka too. I mean, I like you but you know how he is about literally everything. 

Wonderland: Captian Killjoy actually approved of this??

Hero In A Half-Shell: doubt.png

Vulpix: you should just re-lable that picture as "mfw Gabriel talks". Or Lila. 

Kitkat: Speaking of, he did approve. To the point where he and Nathalie tried to give me "The Talk". 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Big oof

Danger Noodle: oh no

Vulpix: Yikes

Queen Bitch: F

My Little Pony: F

Wonderland: rip

Bugaboo: F

I Studied The Blade: Big oof

Monkey Business: You using meme language still kills me but also rip my dude.

Kitkat: I mean they only got a few lines in before I stopped them. Thanks to Chloé, my mom gave me "The Talk" years ago.

Queen Bitch: What did I do???

Kitkat: You found out about periods and came over to complain "this is fucking bullshit!!". 

Queen Bitch: It's true. 

Vulpix: mood

Wonderland: don't remind me.

I Studied The Blade: I agree.

Bugaboo: the only thing worse than a period: fighting Akumas on your period.

Queen Bitch: ugh. Speaking of things that are painful and inconvenient, my parents are hosting a gala this weekend and you're all invited.

Queen Bitch: clarification: Team Miraculous is invited.

Vulpix: Are we invited because they're thinking of us as celebrities or as extra security? It's a prime target for both Akuma and regular crime. 

Queen Bitch: Actually It's in preparation for French-American Friendship Week. Charity stuff and discussing plans for events. There's even a contest for schools where one gets a fully funded trip to New York. 

Queen Bitch: back to us though, some people have wondered if we're going to do anything with the NY Heroes. So that'll come up. 

Bugaboo: huh… that's… something I hadn't thought about. We should probably meet other Heroes at some point. 

Danger Noodle: Honestly I wouldn't mind meeting an adult Hero who could actually mentor us. 

Kitkat: You're still salty about that, aren't you?

Danger Noodle: little bit.

Bugaboo: YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED

Bugaboo: A gala is formal wear and our costumes can change to whatever we think so I can finally use those Miraculous themed formal wear I sketched up a while ago! 

Wonderland: Warning: I refuse to wear a dress. 

Bugaboo: I did both dresses and suits!

Monkey Business: I'll wear the dress instead!

Chapter Text

Bugaboo has added Wolfhound to Team Chat. 

Wolfhound's name has been changed to Yellvis

Yellvis: Yellvis???

Kitkat: YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A HOUNDDOG

Hero In A Half-Shell: Oh my god Adrien I am going to kill you. 

Danger Noodle: I'll be at your funeral.

Kitkat: I feel so loved. 

I Studied The Blade: I can write a great eulogy 

Vulpix: Anyway. Are we adding the American Heroes here too?

Bugaboo: I offered, but considering the time difference they declined. I do still have their numbers though to message them if we want though

Yellvis: So, uh. How does the whole ‘being a team of Heroes’ thing work?

Kitkat: Honestly the goupchat is 99% regular shenanigans, so just chill. We have patrols at night but the schedules are pretty loose depending on who’s free so no one (Ladybug) gets burned out. 

Bugaboo: You get so exhausted you start screaming at the sky for Hawkmoth to fight you one time….

My Little Pony: It was three nights in a row and you only slept because we had Kim sit on you until you fell asleep. 

Monkey Business: And that barely worked because you can lift me!

Wonderland: Anyway. Patrols are half wandering the city for any Akumas or investigating what few leads we have, and half sparring or practicing out powers. 

Honeybee: And most weekends have a big sleepover at my place for just general chill time. Speaking of there’s one tonight so pack a bag.

Danger Noodle: Good. Because Juleka’s still cursed and this is pushing my patience. 

Bugaboo: Damn. Hoped I fixed that one. 

Yellvis: Does this have to do with the thing from picture day?

Vulpix: Nah LB fixed that curse. 

Wonderland: Apparently the Couffaines collect weird objects that sometimes curse them. 

Danger Noodle: Yeah the current curse makes Jules forget that Dragons are a thing and she refers to them as ‘weird dogs’. So when you joined the team, she just asked ‘Wait, doesn’t the Team already have a Dog with Arashi?”

I Studied The Blade: I am still unsure how she has decided that the closest thing to a Dragon is a dog. 

Kitkat: isthisaweirddog.png

My Little Pony: Did you have that on hand??

Hero In A Half-Shell: Never underestimate how quickly he can photoshop a meme.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: Okay uh. Luka we have a sliiiiight problem and I’m coming to your place but not exactly willingly….

Wonderland: Did you get fuckking kidnapped???

Queen Bitch: Technically? 

Bugaboo: Luka’s in the middle of rehearsing with Kitty Section so what kind of emergency is it?

Queen Bitch: Remember how Fang likes to break into my room? And how he did that last night during the sleepover?

My Little Pony: I will never get used to waking up to a crocodile.

Yellvis: Did she warn you guys before that happened the first time or did she forget to mention it? Because she forgot the first time I slept over after that started….

Monkey Business: NO SHE DID NOT

Queen Bitch: Anyway… sometime when I was asleep or something Luka and one of you were discussing the whole ‘Jagged is probably Luka’s dad’ thing. In front of Fang. 

Yellvis: Wait he’s what??

Hero In A Half-Shell: Not the priority rn.

Vulpix: What did Fang tattle or something?

Queen Bitch: Yes, actually. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: WHAT

My Little Pony: Again, given all the weird Magical things I’ve seen, I don’t doubt it. 

I Studied The Blade: Should I perhaps interrupt the rehearsal to discuss this?

Bugaboo: Yeah you get their attention while I ask what you mean by Fang tattling????

Queen Bitch: Jagged was kinda giving me half explanations because he was interrogating me about the Luka thing and all but he said something about Magic Familiar Bonds and Fang not being a normal Crocodile which… I'm kinda inclined to believe? 

Kitkat: Fang did become a Dragon when Jagged was Akumatized and I didn't think much of it but yeah that's sus.

Danger Noodle: So uh. Just caught up with the chat. What exactly is Jagged doing??

Queen Bitch: Well he asked me what I knew and then kinda dragged me, Penny and Fang into a car and we're on the way there because he wants answers from your mom. 

Danger Noodle: Okay okay okay. How long do I have to warn mom?

Queen Bitch: Uh. Not long because I can see the boat down the street so….

Queen Bitch: Depends on how long Jagged keeps freaking out over it. 

Queen Bitch: If it helps, he's more pissed that your mom didn't tell him than the fact that you exist in the first place? 

Queen Bitch: Oh he just remembered that Juleka exists and is asking if you guys are twins and I think you’re not but I’m double checking?

Danger Noodle: Nah we’re not twins there’s about a year and a half gap and Juleka knew her dad but that’s a hell of a subject I am not going to get into right now because I have a feeling this will be emotionally exhausting enough. 

Yellvis: Maybe you guys should get off your phones and handle it? 

Bugaboo: Right. On it!

Chapter Text

Monkey Business: So. That Akuma. 

Monkey Business: Are we kinkshaming Hawkmoth? Because that looked great but also Hawkmoth why????

I Studied The Blade: Yes. 

Danger Noodle: Can we kinkshame the Akuma when it’s not my fucking dad???

Hero In A Half-Shell: I can’t man. The fishnets. The Glam Rock. What else am I supposed to do??

My Little Pony: Why are the fishnets a thing?

Vulpix: OH MY GOD I JUST GOT IT

Vulpix: BLACK CANARY

Queen Bitch: I’m going to strangle Hawkmoth. 

Bugaboo: You never know he might be into that. 

Queen Bitch: UGH DON”T RUIN IT

Yellvis: I am still a little concerned about how… interesting this Akuma was. 

Wonderland: You want to hear something worse? This has just added more fuel to the trashfire that is one of Jalil’s favorite theories: 

Wonderland: “Does Hawkmoth have a thing for people with bird themed costumes/powers?”

Kitkat: usdhfous;kagjdvjgdjdkd

Bugaboo: WHY

Vulpix: NO

My Little Pony: I am scared to ask. 

Monkey Business: This is hell

Yellvis: Weren’t you on board for kinkshaming Hawkmoth?

Monkey Business: But not like this!

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’m kinkshaming him harder!

Wonderland: Yeah so Jalil’s support for this theory include 1.) whatever’s going on between Hawkmoth and Mayura and 2.) Why the hell else would he Akumatized Mr. Pigeon so often? Obviously it’s some weird kind of flirting.

Queen Bitch: So like. Potential way to deal with Hawkmoth is just

Queen Bitch: ghostbusters.png

Wonderland: According to Jalil, yes. 

Danger Noodle: I’m going to distract from this with some real info: 

Danger Noodle: None of you were close but when Jagged gave into the Akumatization, instead of ‘Yes Hawkmoth’ like usual it was ‘Yes Shadowmoth’ and I’m not sure what to make of that. 

Bugaboo: Oh that is several levels of not good. Kinda hoped that wouldn’t be a thing but it is. 

Yellvis: Am I the only one who’s lost or….

My Little Pony: I assure you, I’m lost as well. 

Bugaboo: So. When the whole ‘Miracle Queen’ thing happened, Hawkmoth stole a translated copy of this book of spells related to the Miraculous. It includes the recipe for the power-up potions, but I’m not entirely worried about that since Hawkmoth is rarely in the field anyway. 

Bugaboo: But I suspected that the Peacock Miraculous was broken, given Mayura seeming to get sick whenever we saw her. 

Bugaboo: The book has spells that could repair the Mirauclous if they’re damaged, though I haven’t found a section on healing the damage done to the person wielding it. 

Bugaboo: So I think Hawkmoth fixed the Peacock, but Mayura might be too weak to use it, so he’s using both the Peacock and the Butterfly. I’m…. kinda worried about what that means for Mayura.

My Little Pony: Why would his fusion name be "Shadowmoth"?

Wonderland: Because the other options are "Peamoth" or "Hawkcock". 

Queen Bitch: I'm calling him Hawkcock out of spite

Kitkat: Definitely.

Monkey Business: Can't wait to see next time we fight him in person and see his expression when we call him that. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: You think he still has the kinda cool "dark prom" aesthetic? Or did the effort of fusion mean he went back to clown outfits. 

Vulpix: You're still upset about Bubbler, aren't you?

Hero In A Half-Shell: YES. THE REST OF Y'ALL LOOKED DOPE

Yellvis: I didn't look like anything. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: jury's still out on whether that's better or worse.

I Studied The Blade: Is now a good time to tell you my mother was just Akumatized?

My Little Pony: Whoops

Yellvis: WHAT?

Hero In A Half-Shell: what?

Bugaboo: Oh no

Kitkat: what happened?

Wonderland: damn it

Monkey Business: oof

Queen Bitch: damn I was hoping for my mom she's ranting rn.

Danger Noodle: are you okay?

I Studied The Blade: I ran as soon as the Butterfly landed in her sunglasses. 

I Studied The Blade: I am on the roof across from my home observing as she searches for my civilian self. She doesn't seem to have a Sentimonster companion, but she does seem able to create a list of lies people have told when she hits them. That could be a potential Identity Risk for us. 

Vulpix: Wow two in a row.

Bugaboo: What was she upset about?

I Studied The Blade: Mother has noticed how I seem to be lying about where I am. I can't tell her I am going out as Arashi, so usually I tell her I am with you guys. Technically not a lie. 

I Studied The Blade: But while we were dealing with Canary, I was supposed to be with her at a party. I told her that I was there, just that I was with Adrien and Chloé as they were also supposed to make appearances. And that she didn't notice because I wasn't in her hearing range.

I Studied The Blade: But she had checked with other party goers to see if I was there at all. 

I Studied The Blade: She's concerned that I am lying about what I'm doing. And that even if we had just ditched the party, the fact that I was continuing to dodge the questions when caught has her worried. 

Bugaboo: I'm sorry. I know it's hard to hide things from family members. 

Kitkat: We'll talk more after we deal with the Akuma!

Chapter Text

Bugaboo: So how are things going with your mom?

I Studied The Blade: Interesting. Better than expected yet she is getting a little too close for comfort at the same time. 

Monkey Business: What do you mean?

I Studied The Blade: Though not remembering her Akumatization, she noticed how quickly the Heroes arrived and how I seemed to disappear completely. 

I Studied The Blade: She doesn't suspect I am still a Hero, but she thinks I am still working with you in some capacity. Gathering information and reporting it back to you 

Queen Bitch: That's a decent cover actually. 

Vulpix: Yeah I might use that one if I need to. Thankfully an Akuma only happened during babysitting duty once but hopefully we figure something out. 

Yellvis: I am worried about keeping this from my dad. He's getting a bit… agitated at things lately. 

My Little Pony: Mom caught me talking to Kaalki, but thinks she's just one of my projects. Problem is that unlike Markov, I can't show her Kaalki.

Bugaboo: I know it's hard. And while this whole Team Reveal has had me rethinking how keeping secrets has hurt us, I still think it's better if less people know.

Kitkat: Yeah even if you say we can tell our parents I'm still not telling my father because I will be grounded for life. Literally.

Wonderland: Dad and Jalil can keep a secret but I know they'd both beg me to use Burrow to take them to historic sites and study shit up close and personal.

Danger Noodle: So…. This is probably a bad time….

Bugaboo: Please tell me Juleka isn’t a clown again. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: I swear I’m going to start a ‘I got Akumatized and I didn’t even get to look cool!’ support group. 

Yellvis: I’ll join. 

Queen Bitch: Seriously though please tell me no one’s Akumatized. 

Monkey Business: Can I sit this one out? I have to get up way too early tomorrow. 

Danger Noodle: No Akuma but… Juleka might have walked in right as I transformed. 

Danger Noodle: Yeah I couldn’t explain that one so she knows now. She’s pacing and freaking out a bit and I’m waiting for

Danger Noodle: Nvm she’s connecting the dots. 

Vulpix: She didn’t connect shit!

Bugaboo: Well. Guess she’s moved up the list. 

My Little Pony: Please tell me you don’t mean a hit list. 

Wonderland: Bruh

I Studied The Blade: I believe someone else could use some sleep. 

Bugaboo: Fucking hell 

Bugaboo: I meant to add people to the Team! There’s five more of the Zodiac set left and Juleka was already on the list!

Danger Noodle: Ah. The brother instinct is saying ‘don’t drag her into this’. But everything else agrees she’d be good for the Team. 

Danger Noodle: You going to just go ahead and add her or…?

Bugaboo: Not this second. I think it might look strange if we have a new Hero who debuts before a fight. 

Queen Bitch: Yeah but can’t we like. Teach her to fight before yeeting her at an Akuma?

I Studied The Blade: Juleka has assured me she knows her way around a sword and is not afraid to fight dirty if necessary. 

Vulpix: Shovel Talk?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Am I just now realizing how all  my friends could easily murder me?

Bugaboo: Okay yeah we should add her just give her a little bit of time to process this before dropping her into the craziness. Because honestly if I’m going to drag her in before letting her in the field, I might as well drag everyone else in too.

Chapter Text

Bugaboo: I am going to commit arson

Hero In A Half-Shell: crimebrulee.png

Vulpix: arson.png

Wonderland: You two are so in sync it kills me

Queen Bitch: So adorable it makes me gag. 

Wonderland: ….

Queen Bitch: …

Yellvis: Karma, 

My Little Pony: So why are we committing arson today?

Monkey Business: Why aren’t we committing arson today?

Kitkat: She’s just screaming for ice cream. 

I Studied The Blade: Even I think that was an awful joke. 

Kitkat: But you love me!

I Studied The Blade: Yes. 

Kitkat:kjdshfilasdgas

Danger Noodle: We are right here why are you talking over text. 

I Studied The Blade: Because it’s easier to send funny images. 

I Studied The Blade: soup.png

Queen Bitch: Hey!

Bugaboo: Anyway!

Bugaboo: Remember the issue with the Sweetheart Ice Cream? How we were supposed to choose between blackberry and mint, raspberry and mint, or blackberry and raspberry?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Ah yeah. The crisis of polyship vs. ‘only two flavors’. 

Bugaboo: We happened to pass the ice cream stand and decided to try again just to see what flavor option would be Luka. 

Bugaboo: Fucker just goes ‘I see you figured it out! I told you two flavors work best!’. 

Bugaboo: And then gives us a scoop of mint and a scoop of ‘mixed berry’ which is blackberry, raspberry, and blueberry swirl. 

Queen Bitch: That’s….. Creepy specific. 

Monkey Business: So are we cancelling the Ice Cream Man or nah?

Kitkat: I don’t know anymore. 

Vulpix: I say cancel him anyway because even if he’s right, looking into your Soul like that is funky. 

I Studied The Blade: It can be romantic, but a bit of a hassle if you have a non-typical relationship.

Danger Noodle: Or if you’re gay. 

Bugaboo: He’s getting better on the gay thing! He didn’t even pause with us the last few times!

My Little Pony: I would like to go at least once for science. 

Yellvis: I also haven’t gone, but I’m glad Mylene told me what you’re talking about or else I’d be so lost. 

Queen Bitch: Hey I want everyone to check the inside of their mouths right the hell now. 

Vulpix: ??

My Little Pony: Why?

Kitkat: Since fucking when did I have fucking fangs??????

Queen Bitch: I just noticed them and apparently it’s a Magic Side Effect.

Bugaboo: Half of us are animals that don’t even have fangs????

Danger Noodle: Maybe it’s a Magic Side Effect not directly related to having the Miraculous and just because we use Magic?

Wonderland: Well that Vampire costume on Halloween is going to be great!

I Studied The Blade: I am glad it has not caused problems in terms of eating or speaking. 

Yellvis: I don't have the fangs?

My Little Pony: I suspect it is a gradual thing. Mostly because I had a dentist appointment the weekend after Startrain happened and she didn’t say anything about it. 

Monkey Business: It’s cool though!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Not looking forward to if my parents notice. 

Kitkat: Either it’s not noticeable, or someone in the photography department keeps editing them out before they send the proofs out. 

Bugaboo: Looking at your most recent magazine pictures and yeah your teeth are edited. 

Queen Bitch: Honestly they should let you keep them. There are plenty of fangirls who would be super into it.

Vulpix: Goodnight everybody!

Chapter Text

Yellvis: So I was venting to Chloé and she suggested I vent here and…

Hero In A Half-Shell: Why do I feel my murder instincts kick in?

Yellvis: Please don’t kill my dad.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Ah that’s why. Shitty parent time!

Yellvis: He’s not…

Yellvis: I want to say he’s not a bad parent but I’m realizing some things and it’s not fun. 

Vulpix: Yeah we already picked up on some of how he’d given you a messed up mentality but that karaoke event really hit it.

Danger Noodle: Considering my mom’s rivalry with your dad I’m staying out of this so I don’t say something I regret but what karaoke event?

My Little Pony: When we went to New York we did karaoke with some students there. Sabrina did quite a rendition of ‘Disobedient’ from Steven Universe. 

Monkey Business: I’m not a music person but it was definitely a ‘oh you’re working some shit out aren’t you?’ vibe. 

Yellvis: I mean. Yeah. 

Danger Noodle: Well if you ever want to engage in teen rebellion and really piss your dad off, the Couffaines are here to teach you how to be a pirate! Or punch a cop in the face. 

Yellvis: thanks…?

Yellvis: Anyway my dad just… 

Yellvis: He always wanted me to be helpful. To help others. Even to the point of self sacrifice, now that I look back on it. I didn't feel right accepting friendship if I wasn't doing things for people.

Yellvis: I was at least aware that it should be give and take, to an extent! If someone had me do their homework but didn't want to even hang out with me, I realized they were just using me!

I Studied The Blade: Have people done that to you? 

Yellvis: Well. Not in a while. Technically. 

Bugaboo: Oh yeah sorry about that…

Yellvis: It's okay! I didn't know you were Ladybug! That's a good excuse to ditch me!

Bugaboo: You're still allowed to be upset about that sort of thing even if the situation is…. Complicated. 

Vulpix: Yeah having been on both sides of "ditched for Hero Duty", you're in the clear on that.

Queen Bitch: I mean same. And also sorry on like. 

Queen Bitch: I did not help your mindset at all because with my mindset we were a match made in hell

Yellvis: I know and it's okay. 

Yellvis: But with my dad…

Yellvis: I mentioned I had some more free time because I wasn't helping anyone with their homework. At least not doing the whole thing for them. I'll still answer questions if you ask. 

Yellvis: but he was upset that I wasn't helping anymore. Like I'm not… doing enough for them. And it's just. 

Yellvis: you guys think differently from him. And sometimes I'm not sure which to go with. But I'm happier with your suggestions. And I feel like I’m just being selfish. 

Kitkat: we're here for you and honestly meeting a parent's standards can be hard

Bugaboo: yeah what you were doing before wasn't healthy to you. You don't have to provide things to your friends. 

Bugaboo: I don't make outfits or pastries for my friends because I feel obligated to out of friendship. And even if they got busy with other things I wouldn't be like "uh, appreciate my work and hang out with me or were not friends??"

Bugaboo: I give them gifts because I like seeing them happy. 

Monkey Business: we totally do appreciate you though. 

Wonderland: you're all appreciated fuckers.

Yellvis: thanks and

Yellvis: Okay so slight problem. 

Kitkat: That's usually what people say right before an Akuma fight happens. 

Yellvis: Yeah Rogercop is back. I thought he went on patrol to cool off but nope!

Yellvis: @My Little Pony can you perhaps create a portal in my closet? 

My Little Pony: Why your closet? 

Yellvis: I panicked and hid in there and can't leave without him seeing. 

My Little Pony: On it. 

Bugaboo: Okay everyone. You know the drill!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Not the shitty parent I planned on punching today but I'll take it!

Wonderland: You planned to punch a shitty parent today? 

Vulpix: Adrien complained about his dad so Nino's been planning scenarios. Not all of them are "what if he gets Akumatized?" Ones. 

Danger Noodle has added Small Titty Goth GF to the chat. 

Danger Noodle: Suit up bitch(affectionate). We need someone who can turn invisible and is willing to punch a cop in the face. Time to make mom proud!

Small Titty Goth GF: Luka what the FUCK

Small Titty Goth GF’s name has been changed to Constable. 

Constable: I literally got on this team because I was willing to punch a cop in the face what the fuck. 

Kitkat: 1.) Irony! And 2.)

Kitkat: BINCH.png

Constable: Okay you know what that’s fair. 

Danger Noodle: Also because we just found out and I know you'll be excited for it

Danger Noodle: A side effect if Magic is fangs. 

Constable: DOPE

Constable: Also still wrapping my head around you guys being. Ya know. You guys. 

Queen Bitch: Trust me. Once you join patrol and see them be absolute losers it'll all make sense.

Kitkat: Chloé be nice

Queen Bitch: Once you join patrol and see them be absolute losers(affectionate) it'll all make sense

Yellvis: I think that's better?

Chapter Text

Kitkat: So I’m doing another commercial at the public pool and I did get my father to say I could bring a few people as long as they behave!

Kitkat: That said while I want to invite all three of my partners, I’m banning Luka because unfortunately Bob Roth is involved in the shoot and part of ‘behaving’ is ‘not starting a fistfight’. 

Constable: Boo. Deck him. 

Danger Noodle: Entirely valid and I respect that decision. 

Danger Noodle: Hey Kagami….

I Studied The Blade: While I would love to stab him for you, it will cause more problems in the long run. 

Danger Noodle: I was just going to say ‘take some pictures because since it’s at a pool I’m guessing it’s swimsuit shots’ but I appreciate the willingness to stab!

Bugaboo: I’m working on a project so I miiight not be able to go. 

Vulpix: Mari, sweetheart, you need a fucking break. You’re going or so help me. 

Bugaboo: But this is important!

Vulpix: Fuck it! I’ll work on it for you! Just take a nap and a shower then go to the pool with your bf and gf!

Monkey Business: Are we getting ready to force Mari to relax again?

Hero In A Half-Shell: I’ll get the rope. 

Yellvis: I’m far too used to this. 

My Little Pony: It’s the only thing that works. 

Wonderland: What’s she working on anyway?

Bugaboo: I’ve been studying the Grimoire to see if there’s anything we can use to counter the effects of some Miraculous! I doubt we could make something that stops Hawkcock in his tracks, but I might be able to give us some kind of barrier.

Queen Bitch: So like. We could be sad and shit without worrying about getting Akumatized? 

Constable: Please give me one because I’m tired of being a depressed clown. 

Danger Noodle: Yeah I don't think any Magic can help with that. 

Constable: rude.png

Bugaboo: Once I figure out how to do it, the Team will be first on the list. Then other people who are prone to Akumatization. 

Bugaboo: I would love to mass produce these and give them to literally everyone in Paris, but so far whatever I do is bound to use a lot of energy. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: What if we combine our power like. Magic of Friendship style?

Constable: That's how you get rainbow laser homicide. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Not hearing the downside. 

Vulpix: Babe you okay you've been talking about murder a lot. 

Kitkat: Nino's gonna type a rant but tldr: father is being a dick 

Hero In A Half-Shell: He's making you do a commercial with doves!!!

Hero In A Half-Shell: You're allergic to birds!!

Bugaboo: Okay I know you're all probably about to sigh and jump in like normal but Mr. Pigeon got an upgrade. 

Queen Bitch: Yeah I just saw some people get turned into pigeons. Currently hiding in a clothing rack and waiting for an opportunity to run.

My Little Pony: Well. Kim is a pigeon so don't count on him. 

I Studied The Blade: On the bright side, for Luka and Juleka, Bob Roth has been turned into a pigeon. 

I Studied The Blade: pigeon.mp4

Danger Noodle: thank you.

Constable: haha dope

Constable: Also I could probably sneak invisibly where needed but I need to know where to go. 

Kitkat: We're trapped in the changing room at the pool so head there.

Bugaboo: We just needshjsmqlnqma

Wonderland: You good?

Kitkat: She was typing when Pegasus opened a portal to us. 

My Little Pony: On the bright side, I am here and Kaalki is recharging. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: I'm working on making my way over but not getting hit will be tricky. 

Wonderland: Why couldn't Hawkcock have left Mr. Pigeon's powers alone? It was fine! 

Queen Bitch: Probably because this is his 69th Akumatization. 

Kitkat: I thought we passed that??

Queen Bitch: I don't count Scarlet Akumas. Or when Mari decided that making more dolls for the Puppeteer kid was a good idea. 

Bugaboo: You try and resist the kitten eyes!!

Queen Bitch: I grew up with Adrien don't start on that.

Danger Noodle: Having seen Adrien's "kitten eyes" yeah no. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: It's so sad and adorable you just want to hug him!

Vulpix: Okay so good news and bad news! 

Vulpix: I can't leave where I am right now because that project is going. But I can use my powers remotely. 

Vulpix: better news, I think I worked out a bunch of stuff with the Grimoire, ways to block Akumas, and maybe us having some more powers?

Bugaboo: focus on the Akuma for now because I am not letting it go down in history that Team Miraculous lost to fuckin Mr. Pigeon 69

Wonderland: just for that I want to see what history books in that Timeline say. 

Bugaboo: Alya have I said how much I love and appreciate you because that was beautiful!

I Studied The Blade: A fake Identity Reveal was a nice touch. 

Kitkat: Would've loved to see Hawkcock's face when he thought he learned who we were. 

Vulpix: Well prepare to heap on more praise because I got some shit done today!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Babe your ego. 

Queen Bitch: She had a good roll it's okay to bask in the glory. 

Wonderland: Just don't be a dick!

Danger Noodle: @Monkey Business what was it like to be a pigeon?

Monkey Business: My vision was so fucked but flying was cool. 

My Little Pony: Pigeons are prey animals so their eyes are more sideways to look for danger. 

Constable: Alya's been typing for a while.

Vulpix: OKAY SO HERES THE THING

Vulpix: I did the one thing Mari didn't think to do which is ask for help from one resource we haven't really messed with yet: the Dragon Witch. 

Vulpix: Trixx said it was fine because she already knew plenty and while she has beef with the Guardians she knows the Kwami fairly well. Did not manage to get that story. 

Vulpix: Anyway. She can translate the Grimoire. 

Bugaboo: How did I not think about that. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Because you tend to stubbornly put everything on your own shoulders and think you have to deal with it alone. 

Monkey Business: Call! Her! Out!

Danger Noodle: It's true but we love you anyway. 

Bugaboo: dhshkanabsshskal.

Vulpix: There wasn't anything in the Grimoire about negating the effects of Akumatization other than breaking through it by remembering you are yourself and can find other solutions besides what he offers. Which we already learned from Chloé. 

Vulpix: The Dragon Witch did have a solution though. Which was to create a different type of Charm.

Vulpix: The problem with the Charms is that it's not a catch-all "as long as you wear it you can't get Akumatized." Thing. You have to activate it, and if its inactive or out of energy you're still vulnerable. 

Vulpix: It works by storing Positive Emotional Energy and using that as a barrier. You can be as sad or angry or whatever as you want, and the Butterfly can't sink into it. 

I Studied The Blade: You said it needs to recharge? 

Vulpix: Yeah. After using it, it'll be out of energy. Recharging involves purposely building up and storing the energy again. But that takes time and concentration to do. Not to mention keeping it to only positive emotion for maximum effectiveness. 

Constable: Yeah can we get someone else to recharge it because I feel like most of us are a barrel of depression and anxiety. 

Queen Bitch: I mean yeah. 

Yellvis: Probably. 

My Little Pony: Don't forget the trauma. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Can't forget that!

Kitkat: kidscouldyoulightenupalittle.png

Danger Noodle: You find me a therapist that deals with Magic and Secret Identities. 

Wonderland: I know one but we have to break time laws to get to her so for now we wait.

Vulpix: Anyway. The more interesting thing is that some of us have more Powers than we think. The Zodiacs still only have one power, but Chloé Nino and I have two(so do the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous since they're in the same "tier"). LB and CN have three. 

Vulpix: I'll show you guys the full thing later but for now here's the basics written down

Vulpix: newpower.png

Yellvis: Shouldn't the Kwami know since it's their powers? 

Vulpix: According to the Dragon Witch, they don't know about that for the same reason they don't know how the potions work.

Vulpix: The Guardians don't want the full power of the Miraculous to fall into the wrong hands, so they keep that information secret from the Kwami themselves. Going as far to use mind erasing spells if they learn. 

Vulpix: She said some other stuff about how the Guardians treat the Kwami as tools instead of beings that deserve respect. And some other stuff too but at that point she was pissed enough that she started ranting in another language and making the lights flicker. 

Bugaboo: Fu wasn't like that. I mean. Yeah he kept the Kwami in the Miracle Box and he did have secrecy rules but they were his friends. 

Danger Noodle: Fu was half-trained, and defected when he was still a kid. Probably gave him more sympathy for them than if he had those rules drilled into his head for an extra decade. 

Kitkat: Wow no wonder Plagg has trust issues. 

Queen Bitch: @Hero In A Half-Shell are you getting your usual "murder shitty parents" feelings? 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Yep!

Constable: andmyglock.png

Yellvis: that's horrific and has to break several laws. 

Bugaboo: Well the Kwami that are still with me are getting a lot of hugs and snacks and maybe a fucking therapy session. 

Bugaboo: Hm. I wonder….

Kitkat: That's your "I have an idea" voice and on one hand you're brilliant but also terrifying. 

Bugaboo: Just thinking if maybe the Eagle Miraculous could release the Kwami from being bound by the Guardian's restrictions….

Monkey Business: #FreeTheKwami

Chapter Text

Bugaboo: HEY SO REMEMBER WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE GUARDIANS

Bugaboo: Yeah one just showed up to try and get the Miracle Box back. He also berated me for breaking several of the Guardian's rules and insulted Fu (who, may I remind you, was a literal child the last time this guy saw him!)

Bugaboo: Obviously I didn't give it to him because 1.) Don't want to be forced to give up some friends and 2.) I don't want the Kwami to go back to those conditions And 3.) He has no plan for dealing with Hawkcock, just that he wants to take all the Miraculous back

Bugaboo: Pointing out any of that did not go well. 

Queen Bitch: Remind him that his whole ass order got eaten by a single Sentimonster the size of a cat, while we dealt with it when it was Akumatized and giant!

Vulpix: Yeah bitch we saved your ass! If it weren't for us he'd still be in that thing's stomach! 

Bugaboo: That also didn't go over well with him! Neither did the fact that I used the Eagle to free the Kwami from the Order's control.

Kitkat: What's the plan, Mini Macaron? 

Bugaboo: Well here's the problem. The Guardian has a device to track the Miracle Box. I've distracted him by taking the Miraculous out and leaving the Box in my room. 

Bugaboo: But that does mean that he knows who I am. So even if I outrun him and take the tracking device, he can just go in my room again. Home Alone traps might be useful here

Wonderland: I'm sorry did this fucker break into your room??

I Studied The Blade: I am feeling stabby. 

Monkey Business: Someone add the "and my glock" picture.

Danger Noodle: andmyglock.png

Danger Noodle: I do mean that. I have a sword too.

Bugaboo: Right now the plan is "confuse the hell out of the guy until I figure out a plan". 

Wonderland: Yeah think I just saw some monk looking dude walk by and get startled at a streetlight so….

Bugaboo: Yeah that's him. He's not used to modern tech. 

Constable: So the meme could come true because while he understands swords and axes, he has no defense against a gun?

Hero In A Half-Shell: First of all, most of you guys don't have defenses against guns. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Secondly, where the hell would you even get a gun?? 

Constable: I know a guy. 

Yellvis: ?????

I Studied The Blade: The more I learn about the Couffaines the more confused I am. 

Danger Noodle: But you love me. 

I Studied The Blade: Yes. 

Kitkat: Yep. 

Bugaboo: Absolutely.

Danger Noodle: dhsgsgsjak

Constable: You disaster. 

Bugaboo: Did we

Bugaboo: Did we just kill a man? 

Queen Bitch: Rumor has that murder isn't the Dragon Witch's style but….

Constable: Yeah she gives me "well I won't kill him but no one will find him!" Vibes. 

Kitkat: Plagg says he's probably fine. 

Wonderland: I'm just gonna check some Timelines to see anyway. 

My Little Pony: I still do not know whether to trust the Dragon Witch. 

Monkey Business: Well she says she's here to help us.

Danger Noodle: But it seems like Hawkcock is afraid of her too. 

Yellvis: If she knows who we are then maybe she knows who he is too.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Then why not tell us??

Vulpix: Asked about that when I had her translate the Grimoire. Apparently all Magical Parisians are under her protection, even Hawkcock. Mayura too. This is our own battle and she won't interfere unless something tips the scales.

Queen Bitch: Yeah contracts and loopholes are a pain in the ass.

I Studied The Blade: Longg assures me that Dragons are like the Fae. They keep their promises but deal in half truths. So it's probably fine. 

Bugaboo: Somehow that didn't help.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: So! Who wants to hear the newest drama on how my mom is awful?

Constable: I'll tell Ma to get the adoption papers ready. 

Danger Noodle: They've been filled out for a while we just need signatures. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Max you're on body disposal. Alix, you're providing alibis. 

Wonderland: Sure whenever you're free.

My Little Pony: Do you want the body found or not?

Bugaboo: Please tell me you aren't implying they use the Miraculous for this. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: I won't tell you. 

Kitkat: Wow. Just realized that if we worked together we could get away with murder. Other than the guilt going all Telltale Heart on us.

Vulpix: Come on guys. No murder. There are better ways to deal with this.

Yellvis: Like systematically tearing apart someone's reputation!

Vulpix: Exactly!

Queen Bitch: Well then do I have news for you

Queen Bitch: ohgodtherestwoofthem.png

Queen Bitch: Meet my half-sister who just showed up this morning. 

Kitkat: YOUR WHAT

Constable: Welcome to the half-sibling club. And the sibling club in general. 

Bugaboo: Oh! She stopped by the bakery this morning! 

Bugaboo: also YIKES.

Vulpix: Damn. That's. That's a lot. 

I Studied The Blade: Wasn't the Heart Hunter Akuma at your parent's 20th anniversary?

Yellvis: Yes. Yes it was. 

I Studied The Blade: Oh. 

Monkey Business: YIKES.

Danger Noodle: Isn't it usually the politician that cheats? 

Danger Noodle: I retract that statement as you like your dad even if he's not perfect. 

My Little Pony: She does not look too far apart in age from you. 

Queen Bitch: Yeah it was like. me: "Wow was I such a disappointment at birth that you immediately went out and tried again?", mom: "Yes, actually." Dad and Zoé and everyone in the hotel lobby pretending not to eavesdrop: 

Queen Bitch: kermit.png

Vulpix: Wait, her name is Zoé??? What kind of bootleg Chloé name….

Danger Noodle: Where's she been all these years since obviously you don't know. 

Queen Bitch: Oh here's where it gets fun! 

Queen Bitch: Zoé and her dad know about me and my dad. But we didn't know about them. My dear mother basically lied and said her marriage was an "open relationship". Which like. It very much wasn't. 

Queen Bitch: And whenever she was staying in NY she lived with them. Which miiiight be one reason I wasn't allowed to visit other than "being unexceptional". 

Kitkat: Are you okay? 

Queen Bitch: Still processing. Have that Charm going so I shouldn't get Akumatized but I might ask you guys to help keep it charged for the next few days.

Wonderland: Tell us if you need us in person. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: @Bugaboo are you revising your stance on murder yet? 

Bugaboo: Slightly. 

Queen Bitch: Killing her right now might fuck Zoé up. She's feeling real guilty for accidentally dropping all this on us and a "disappearance" might not be good for her. 

Constable: Okay but Plan "murder shitty parents" is still ready to go!

Yellvis: Perhaps scrub these messages just in case. Could be an issue even if there's no body. 

My Little Pony: Already in the plan!

Queen Bitch: Oh my fucking god. 

Monkey Business: Can it get worse?

I Studied The Blade: Signs point to yes.

Queen Bitch: Zoé asked why mom did the whole "lying about the relationship" thing instead of owning up to it and mom was like "Some people have such bad taste that being married is a dealbreaker, even for someone as worth it as I am. Even Jackson was too blind-" 

Queen Bitch: And we're all like "Whomst the FUCK is Jackson????". 

Queen Bitch: and apparently Jackson/Jacob/James(not sure on his real name because she's doing the thing) was the guy she was having an affair with /before/ Zoé's dad.

Bugaboo: Yeah okay you're free to murder. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Still holding off until I get Zoé's permission now too!

Queen Bitch: Oh I am real glad that Charm is working rn because like. 

Queen Bitch: I just had a very very bad thought.

Wonderland: No bad thoughts. 

Queen Bitch: But like….

Queen Bitch: If she was off having who knows how many affairs… how..

Queen Bitch: How do I know my dad is my dad? 

Queen Bitch: Well good news! Your Charm is probably working. Either that or I'm really in the "shocked and numb" phase to the point that a Butterfly can't do shit.

Kitkat: We can come get you and Zoé. Just get you out of there for now. 

Queen Bitch: Actually I'm coming to y'all because Zoé just got Akumatized. 

Queen Bitch: Welcome to fucking Paris. 

Bugaboo: Why is it that whenever we meet someone new they're immediately Akumatized??

My Little Pony: Magic?

Wonderland: So how are you doing?

Queen Bitch: Still reeling. 

Queen Bitch: On the bright side, Zoé is staying for a while. 

Kitkat: Doesn't she have school to go back to?

My Little Pony: I think it is currently one of America's holidays so she has time?

Queen Bitch: Actually, Zoé's plan had been to come live with our mom and transfer schools. She had asked mom about a month ago but mom wasn't listening and Zoé's dad filled out all the paperwork. So she'll be coming to our school tomorrow.

Queen Bitch: She was worried on where to stay because like. She thought we knew about her coming but obvs she didn’t and she was worried that we wouldn’t let her stay. But dad’s okay with her being part of the family despite…. Everything. 

Bugaboo: Speaking of… how is your dad handling this?

Kitkat: Can't imagine it's "good". 

Queen Bitch: Yeah we… talked on that. 

Queen Bitch: He's been realizing that things were bad. Especially with how mom and I have been lately. But this really shattered the rose tinted glasses. 

Constable: Divorce time?

Queen Bitch: yep. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Look I know I semi-jokingly talk about murder a lot but in all seriousness. That doesn't seem like a salvageable situation and I'm glad you're getting out of it.

Queen Bitch: Thanks. 

Danger Noodle: So how about that "your dad might not be your dad" thing?

My Little Pony: Now might not be a good time to ask

Monkey Business: Even I knew to keep my mouth shut on that one!

Danger Noodle: Yeah but as the local bastard child I have more tact in asking. 

I Studied The Blade: As do I, but I refrained. 

Queen Bitch: Nothing… concrete yet. We talked about the possibility and dad says that even if it's true he still loves me just the same. 

Queen Bitch: Anyway. I'm still keeping that Charm going but I might need someone to recharge it. But for now I'm helping Zoé get settled into her room. 

Wonderland: Would you prefer a "drop through the balcony and not meet her" thing or do you want me to actually go through the lobby?

Queen Bitch: eh if I disappear it might be weird. And she'll probably want to meet some of you guys so might as well. 

Constable: If you want to go into full crisis mode I have hair dye! Much cheaper than therapy. 

Chapter Text

Hero In A Half-Shell: Good news and bad news! 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Good News: Our class gets to work on another movie! Which I gotta thank @Queen Bitch for. 

Queen Bitch: Oh is that what he did? 

Vulpix: Congrats babe and also who did what? 

Monkey Business: Nice!

Constable: Horrificator 2: Electric Boogaloo

Bugaboo: Why does this feel ominous?

Queen Bitch: So like. 

Queen Bitch: dad and I were getting to know Zoé. And she mentioned wanting to be an actress. And she and dad got off tangent into that because dad wanted to be a director and even produced a movie. 

Queen Bitch: Frick. Sorry for bringing that up. 

Kitkat: It's fine

Queen Bitch: Any way!

Queen Bitch: I brought up how Nino does directing and Mylene also wants to act. And at first dad was kinda :/ because Horrificator was a trainwreck. But I mentioned how it was actually pretty good originally, but then Mylene was Akumatized and we had to shove the movie into being a found footage documentary because we didn't have time to refilm everything.

Queen Bitch: And he seemed to get an idea but wanted it to be a surprise. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Yeah he got some other…. Important people involved. And now I get to make another movie!

My Little Pony: Are the other "important people" involved the bad news you mentioned?

Hero In A Half-Shell: Unfortunately. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: The main funder is Bob Roth. And as a bonus, the guy who made the Ladybug movie is doing a mentorship thing. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: I see you guys typing and just

Hero In A Half-Shell: I know they're a Problem. But I'll deal with it as it comes because I really want this. 

Danger Noodle: I will be civil

Kitkat: You have a project that's keeping you busy for the next week or so. 

Danger Noodle: Exactly. 

Constable: Well I'll be civil unless Bob is a dick again. 

I Studied The Blade: Though I would love to help, my mother and I are taking a trip back to Japan for a week. I will be unable to make it. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: It’s cool! Seems like it’s being turned into a school project anyway we can’t really involve anyone outside of class who isn’t getting paid anyway. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Also @Bugaboo you can be paid for costume department. 

Bugaboo: You’re a friend and I’m working on this project too so I’ll only take enough to cover material cost. 

Bugaboo: Also haha I just got a text from Jess asking why she has fangs now. 

Yellvis: Yeah I was going to mention that my teeth have done that too. 

Bugaboo: She's all 'I only used it once! Why do I have side effects?!'

Constable: I am sure my teeth are beginning to be fangs

Danger Noodle: She spends twenty minutes staring in the mirror trying to see a noticeable difference. 

Constable: And you spend thirty perfecting sweet one liners to fluster your partners. 

Monkey Business: GET HIS ASS

Wonderland: iwantthattwinkobliterated.png

Queen Bitch: We’re fucked. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Super fucked

Vulpix: Akuma in room!!

Monkey Business: fuck

Yellvis: Half of us are down. Gonna try and get out but might not. 

I Studied The Blade: I am still in Japan but if Max makes a portal I can help

My Little Pony: Hiding but can’t transform and I

Wonderland: Fuck he’s down we ain’t getting out

Kitkat: Gonna hope no one sees me transform and think I came in through the window

Constable: I’d try but I’m stuck with Mylene

Danger Noodle: On the way!

Bugaboo: Anyone else still there?

Bugaboo: whosnotdead.gif

Bugaboo: Damn never expected that gif to actually be used in the proper context.

Danger Noodle: I’m on the roof and I think everyone got hit but us. 

Bugaboo: Okay. Fuck. Have a plan, I’ll explain when I get up there.

Talon has been added to Hero Chat

Talon’s name has been changed to Darkwing Duck

Queen Bitch: Oh my god why

Kitkat: Because we finally have a bird to make DW jokes and I don’t want Hawkcock to beat us to it!

Vulpix: This is great!

Darkwing Duck: I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the tube of Cadmium Yellow that is impossible to open! I am the noun that verbs your other noun! I am Darkwing Duck!

Kitkat: Beautiful

Bugaboo: Yeah actually @Darkwing Duck why did you think we were a Vampire Coven?

Monkey Business: What? 

Constable: God I fucking wish. 

I Studied The Blade: What exactly happened today?

Bugaboo: everyone got hit so I gave Zoé the Eagle. When I did the thing of "hey we're letting you in on a secret" she thought I was letting her in on a Vampire Coven? 

Wonderland: Okay but did she seem happy or upset about potential Vampirism.

Hero In A Half-Shell: Knowing this group? Totally on board. 

Darkwing Duck: Look. 

Darkwing Duck: All of you have fangs. You kept alluding to some secret group. About half of you hissed at the sun. And have you seen the Couffaines??? Your last name is a joke of coffin for fuck's sake!

Yellvis: She has a point.

My Little Pony: Hm. I thought it would be more of a joke on tinnitus since the last syllable for all of the family would make "acouphène"

Danger Noodle: Okay obviously that name wasn't chosen, at least not by us, so it wasn't intentional on our part! 

Hero In A Half-Shell: anyway. We're not vampires. Just superheroes.

Queen Bitch: Way to make "superheroes" sound disappointing.

Chapter Text

Queen Bitch: @Wonderland, we are never allowed to get Zoé and Jalil in the same room ever. 

Wonderland: I’m scared to ask why. 

Queen Bitch: They’ll be discussing conspiracy theories like

Queen Bitch: JalilFilePhoto.png

Bugaboo: What…..

Darkwing Duck: I’m not a conspiracy theorist. 

Queen Bitch: You just told me NASA never landed on the moon. 

Darkwing Duck: No, I said they hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landing, but he was so dedicated that he filmed on the moon. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: Tbh Kubrick totally would’ve done that. Which is why so many people believe it. 

Vulpix: Babe don’t get sucked in. 

Darkwing Duck: See this is why I started small instead of telling her that her neighbor is a hologram being controlled by a crocodile.

Kitkat: Did you

Kitkat: Did you just accuse Jagged Stone of being a Vocaloid?????

Yellvis: Chloé’s right you are a weeb.

Queen Bitch: You literally met Jagged and was able to touch him how is he a Hologram????

Darkwing Duck: Hologram technology is very advanced nowadays. 

My Little Pony: That’s…. Actually plausible. Between modern tech and Magic, you could create a solid hologram. Though given certain events I’d say he’s an AI rather than actively controlled by Fang. 

Monkey Business: If you encourage this it’ll end badly.

Wonderland: He’s learned from dealing with Jalil. You either shut them down or out-conspiracy theory them.  

Constable: Jagged can’t be a hologram because Luka got made somehow. 

Darkwing Duck: Tell me, have you ever seen Luka occasionally flicker?

Danger Noodle: So, Kagami, how was your trip to Japan?

Darkwing Duck: He’s dodging the question!

I Studied The Blade: Interesting. I ran into some old classmates. And while you were writing a play about murder, I got involved in an actual murder. And it somehow wasn’t the weirdest thing. 

Bugaboo: Do you mean literally or……

I Studied The Blade: I did not commit the murder. Mother and I were in the area so we were suspects.

Vulpix: I’m scared to ask, but what’s ‘weirder’ than being involved in a murder?

I Studied The Blade:  Airport Security. 

Bugaboo: Dragon Witch?

I Studied The Blade: Her, and what I assume is her counterpart in Japan. Who was very grumpy at her for some reason.

Queen Bitch: The more answers I get the more questions I have. 

Chapter Text

Constable: So. We have a slight issue which is that Rose found out that Lila is lying about some things.

Constable: Which is usually a good thing but she found out in the worst way possible of Lila lying about something personal! And now I’m contemplating murder!

Danger Noodle: Wait. Was it about the one thing or the thing that only we know about?

Constable: Relating to that thing only we know about.

Danger Noodle: Oh yeah I’m on board for murder!

Hero In A Half-Shell: Maybe hold back on the murder. 

Darkwing Duck: Usually you’re advocating murder. 

Hero In A Half-Shell: That’s for the adults. I don’t like Lila after everything she did but she’s still a kid like us. 

Queen Bitch: Yeah I kinda see her as the Azula to my Zuko. I got a redemption arc. She could get one in different circumstances, but most likely we need to throwdown and it'll feel bittersweet and tragic instead of cathartic.

Darkwing Duck: Glad I don't need decked.

My Little Pony: What is this about? Because the only sore subject I can think of with Rose is her being sick but we all know about that. 

Constable: I’m just going to pass my phone to her so she can explain. 

Wonderland: To be fair, Lila lying about an illness is exactly the kind of thing she pulled. She lied about having tinnitus and arthritis and multiple old sprains so yeah claiming to have had cancer or something is on the list. 

Bugaboo: It wouldn’t be the first time she lied about something while someone in the room could disprove her. 

Monkey Business: Oh shit yeah she totally pulled the ‘Ladybug’s my bff’ thing. 

Bugaboo: Oh my god yeah. I had to keep from screaming when she did that. Bitch I’m right here!

Wonderland: I would’ve paid good money if you transformed in class to prove a point. 

Kitkat: Oh don’t forget claiming to have the Fox Miraculous!

Vulpix: Ugh, don’t remind me. Every time I think about it I have to refrain from shouting the Fox version of every Sonic vs Shadow fight. Faker.

Bugaboo: You have no idea how tempting it was to bait her into claiming to be Rena Rouge just so you and Nino would catch on directly, but I couldn’t explain how I knew your identities or how I knew you knew each other’s identities. 

Queen Bitch: And here I was dropping subtle hints about ‘Jagged has a crocodile, not a cat.”

My Little Pony: Admittedly our judgment was not the best. 

Constable: So….. Rose just threw me my phone back. Because you all forgot that she didn’t already know about the Heroes and she’s having that crisis. 

Bugaboo: Fuck. 

Monkey Business: Oops. 

Vulpix: Damn it. 

Kitkat: Well we were adding her anyway. 

Constable: Yeah that might be better so….

Poison Ivy has been added to Hero Chat. 

Poison Ivy: Hi!!!!

Poison Ivy's name has been changed to Going Hog Wild

Going Hog Wild: Why?

Kitkat: Because everyone else's names are jokes on the Miraculous we gave them, and other puns I thought of were boaring.

Queen Bitch: I can and will strangle you.

Going Hog Wild: I don't have one?

Bugaboo: yet. You were on the short list and Adrien is right about which one I planned. 

Constable: you might have sent her into a crisis because of what she was about to tell you. 

I Studied The Blade: why does it matter?

Danger Noodle: Trust me, it does.

Going Hog Wild: Okay! So! I was already going to tell you to give context for Lila but also because you're my friends! And now you're also Heroes! Who think I can be a Hero! Which is sweet but you need full context!

Going Hog Wild: Do any of you know about a villain called Specter?

Vulpix: I do!

Vulpix: He was active about 20 years ago I think? Powerful Necromancer trying to take over the world with an army of the dead. Very evil.

Going Hog Wild: Long story short: that's my grandfather. 

Going Hog Wild: guys?

Going Hog Wild: oh dear.

Constable: They're processing but they'll be chill. 

Danger Noodle: Yeah you know them they're not going to be jerks

Bugaboo: Okay! That's… 

Queen Bitch: Well Zoé is swearing and dismantling her conspiracy board. 

Darkwing Duck: I was so sure she was some sort of Fae or Dryad! The plant theme is right there!! Hm. Then again, you have been seen around cemeteries. I assumed it was related to the local flora but a Grim Dog could fit…

Going Hog Wild: Well not a dog but I did inherit some powers.

Going Hog Wild: I don't use them a lot though! I just like talking to Ghosts because they're so lonely! Especially the newly formed ones!

Monkey Business: It's okay. We know you. This is new but we're not gonna judge you. 

My Little Pony: Yes. Especially as, from what I'm reading, Specter was arrested and jailed before you were even born.

Going Hog Wild: That's true. Mom never visits him. Which is kinda sad because she says that other than being a supervillain he was a good dad. But she doesn't want to be associated with that. 

I Studied The Blade: Understandable.

Danger Noodle: So what did Lila say on it?

Yellvis: Nearly forgot about her.

Bugaboo: Wish I could.