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The sky today is a bright, cheerful blue. An ironic choice for the end of the world. They lost, they know they've lost. The angels are invading and there's nothing that anybody can do about it.
At least the hospital rooftop is quiet, away from all of the emergency news broadcasts and frantic scramble of panicking people.
Kaworu is a warm, steady weight beside Shinji as they watch the horizon where clouds are drifting lazily by.
They are supposed to be visiting Asuka, but there isn't any point to it. What is Shinji going to say anyway? 'I'm sorry I failed?' 'Get well soon but it doesn't actually matter because we're out of time?' 'Please wake up, we need you. And yes, we've lost already but everyone is scared and it's not fair that you get to die in your own little world ignorant of that?' No, Shinji has nothing valuable to say.
Instead he sits here on the roof, a tightly wound ball of jittery nerves both scared to die and wishing that they would just hurry up and get it over with.
"Shinji?" Kaworu asks.
His voice is like a caress made to soothe Shinji's frayed mind and all at once the choking pressure lessens. Not gone, but a bit less. "Hm?" He turns his head to look at the boy sitting next to him.
Kaworu's eyes are gentle but intently focused on him. He always looks at Shinji with absolute focus, like he's the center of everything. "Would you like to dance with me?"
It's such a random question that Shinji almost wants to laugh. But then again, everything has gone insane so it probably makes as much sense as anything else. "I don't know how to." He admits, Kaworu's question somehow managing to draw shy, eager feelings out of the tangled, brambly mess inside of Shinji's chest.
"That doesn't matter." Kaworu replies and stands up to offer him a hand. "Will you dance with me?"
There is very little that Shinji would want to deny Kaworu if he asks for it so he takes the pale hand held out to him.
Kaworu draws Shinji up and into his arms in one solid, fluid motion, his other hand coming to rest on his waist.
The air of endless summer is humid and still, and there is no music. But that is fine.
Kaworu hums a tune that Shinji can't place and leads them around the rooftop in some swaying rhythm.
Having a body standing so close is a grounding heat that is somehow welcome in spite of the summer air.
Shinji is sure that he is clumsy, taking awkward half-steps and trying not to pinch Kaworu's toes.
But Kaworu makes it look graceful regardless, just smiling at Shinji and bringing him in a little closer.
Slowly Shiinji gets the hand of it, finding the pace inside of Kaworu's head and letting that carry him. It's a hypnotic, consuming sort of thing. He can feel the expanding and contracting of Kaworu's lungs against his own chest and if Shinji shifts his fingers a but from the shoulder they rest on, the Fifth Child's pulse will be under them.
Kaworu smiles like he's read the thought right out of Shinji's head. Maybe he has. Maybe it would be nicer to only have thoughts for the express purpose of Kaworu reading through them and picking out his favorites.
The sounds of crumbling rock and breaking glass catch Shinji's attention and he watches as a tall building begins to fall to pieces from the base up.
Kaworu's eyes have a gravity all their own though and it's not long before Shinji is drawn back into them.
Kaworu hasn't looked away from him once yet, so his expression in his gaze is much the same as before, if a bit more wistful.
Shinji is trying to remember the name for their exact shade of red when Kaworu smiles again and speaks. "You're a very quick study. You're dancing is already greatly improved from when we first started." He says fondly, his hand holding Shinji's own with a firm tenderness.
In spite of everything Shinji blushes. "Not at all, you're a very good teacher." They're of equal height but he wants to lay his head on Kaworu's chest and listen to his breath. He settles for following through on his earlier musing and carefully presses his fingers to Kaworu's pale neck to feel his pulse thrum beneath them.
A shadow passes overhead, bringing with it a chill that lingers even after the sun returns.
"It's going to rain." Kaworu says in an attempted casualness but there is an edge of weight in his tone.
Shinji doesn't mention that the air smells the same of that it isn't clouds he saw reflected in Kaworu's eyes. "Should we go inside?" He doesn't want to, back down there is nothing but chaos and misery and he wants nothing to do with it. Shinji prefers the roof and whatever peace they might have here for however long it lasts.
"I don't think so." Kaworu replies. "We'd still get wet anyway."
Even without the humming the motions are coming easier now, their steps in time with each other like they had done this once before somewhere else. Some other place, some other time that Shinji can't quite recall even as he tries. But maybe that is just another part of Kaworu. Kaworu has always felt like familiarity, like comfort.
There is another bang and more shadows pass by overhead. They're doing little more than holding onto each other swaying now, Kaworu's arms around Shinji's waist and Shinji's hands cupping Kaworu's cheek and feeling his pulse. The thrum under his fingers is less steady now but still so very much there and that is more important than the brunet knows how to put words to.
Kaworu touches their foreheads together, his eyes an endless sea of emotions and Shinji finally remembers the name for their hue; blood. "I'm sorry." He murmurs into the bare space between them. "This isn't what you wanted. I've failed again to bring you happiness."
Shinji doesn't fully understand what Kaworu is talking about and he's out of time to ask. What he does understand is Kaworu's distress. "It's okay." Shinji is hopeless with words but he tries them anyway, stroking an ivory cheek as he trembles.
"This isn't what you wanted." Kaworu says again, sad and defeated. Those words are heavy in his mouth with more than just their original meaning, like they have become layered and complex with repetition.
"No," Shinji agrees with his heart pounding and his throat tight. He wants forever; he wants lazy days and sleepless nights and a hundred, thousand moments in between. He wants Kaworu's smile, and his laugh, and his every possible conversation. "But I have you, and that's enough." He leans in to shush any further protests, drinking down the mournfulness and swallowing it with his own fear. The truth of it settles hard in his bones as he kisses him, this isn't a good ending but it's an ending with them together.
And that is enough.