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Not for the first time, Rey felt as if she was living someone else’s life.
That she...the orphaned nobody that had to scrounge her whole life was now living this life…
...the one she always dreamed of…
Unfathomable.
She balanced her latte and work tote on one hand while she reached with her hand holding the bagel bag to hit the elevator button.
She had been working for The Rebel Journal, part of Resistance Media, for just over a year. She was lucky enough to meet her boss, Amilyn, at a job fair before graduating from Takodonna University, and the rest was history.
She was proud of their online journal’s fair, factual, unflinching reputation to cover the news of the day in a professional manner. They didn’t trade in opinions or sensationalism, they just reported the truth. That she had landed her dream job so quickly after grad just seemed to be the antithesis of the rest of her life.
A hard life.
When the doors opened on the 19th floor, she stepped out in anticipation.
One of her favorite parts of her job was the unpredictable excitement of the news of the day. She just never knew where she might wind up.
She always dressed comfortably yet professionally, just in case.
Her skinny trousers, blazer and loose top were all in varying shades of neutral beiges and greens. They allowed her to blend in.
“Rey...Ami wants to see you in her office right away,” Kaydel called out while she typed as Rey passed by.
“Thanks, Kay,” she sing-songed with a smile.
She loved her job.
____________________________
“Amilyn...I don’t understand. You know I don’t do fluff pieces.”
Her boss sank back into her chair, lavender hair briefly levitating at her descent.
“Rey...this is an interview with a well-respected actor highlighting his serious philanthropic efforts. It’s not fluff.”
Rey snorted. “So you are telling me that this Hollywood bad-boy is actually sincere about all of this? It just reeks of a publicity stunt...probably designed to rehab his reputation.”
Amilyn rolled her eyes, “You really don’t know…”
“Is this because his mother owns Resistance?”
Amilyn tolerated quite a bit more pushback than she ever thought a boss would, but the warning sigh she gave in response told her that her patience was wearing.
“That’s enough. We get the privilege of interviewing the actor of the moment...and the real work he is doing. We likely scored this because Leia owns us...but I assure you there are twenty news agencies lining up to get this exclusive. He doesn’t do interviews. Don't be so quick to dismiss this, Rey. It is the opportunity of a lifetime.”
Exasperated, she offered one last protest. “It’s entertainment!”
The older woman’s gaze turned steely. “It’s news. He will be here at 2:00 to meet with you. I suggest you get it together before then, Rey. Leia specifically requested you for this one...I’m not sure how she would react to your continued protest.”
Duly chastised, she nodded and huffed back to her office.
Interviewing playboy Ben Solo indeed...in the Middle East of all places.
She hated her job.
___________________________
She mentally braced herself as she followed the familiar path to the conference room.
She was vaguely aware of what Ben Solo looked like.
Rose...Rose was well aware of what he looked like. She was going to have to answer to her roommate tonight for meeting one of her Hollywood crushes and not telling her beforehand.
When she neared the door, she could hear Amilyn’s voice in a light, teasing tone mixing with a deep voice.
Rey pasted a smile on her face and surged forward. It was showtime.
“Ahhh...here she is. Ben, I’d like you to meet my star reporter, Rey Johnson. Rey...this is Ben Solo.”
The man stood and she tried to not stare.
She really wished she had not worn flats.
He was big. Tall, though she had met taller men, but the combination of his height...and...and…
Muscles. There were muscles. A lot of them.
He was clad in a simple denim button-down and black jeans. The buttons of his shirt were straining to contain his chest as he stood and now reached out his hand to her.
He was attractive...unique. She hadn’t really paid attention when Rose would drone on about him. It wasn’t even his looks completely though. There was something about him....an energy that was hard to explain.
She had to shake herself and extend her hand to shake his. His large, warm hand…
“It’s a pleasure,” he said with a smirk that she instantly read as condescending.
She felt unstable before him, and that smirk sent her the wrong way.
He was cocky, she decided, and she didn’t suffer cockiness. He was probably used to women just wilting in admiration from being in his very presence. Instead of replying verbally, she just nodded wordlessly.
When she turned to Amilyn, she realized she noticed and shot a warning glance.
“So...Ben...would you mind filling Rey in on what your organization and this trip is about?”
“Sure...sure. I have a non-profit, Military Arts Foundation, that performs pieces of contemporary plays for military audiences. We do an annual trip to troops deployed overseas. This year, we are going to Afghanistan.”
Her mind was reeling. Plays...they did plays? Why was that worthy of a news story?
She cleared her throat.
“I see. So...you are providing entertainment? Like the USO?”
He tilted his head, and the eyes that had been warm turned a bit hard.
“Not exactly, Miss Johnson.”
“It’s Rey,” she responded cooly, her accent taking on the queen-like tone Finn teased her about when she was annoyed.
His mouth hung open for a second in disbelief before he continued.
“Fine...Rey. This isn’t Bob Hope and cheerleaders...these are non-military plays that manage to convey emotional themes that veterans and enlisted folk can relate to. I just happen to think that they are smart enough to handle sophisticated plot subtext that connects to their experiences in ways they are often unable to articulate. What we do is a service... Rey .”
Ouch. She did not miss the edge he dished up her name with.
“I see. And what would my role be?”
“I believe your job is to report on what you see...is it not?”
Out of deference to her boss, she wished she wasn’t so excited about the annoyance she felt dripping off of him. She was sure he didn’t experience anything less than idol worship from people in his life.
“Ben...Rey is my best reporter. I am sure she will do justice to your organization by telling stories. That is what she excels at. She has a knack for scavenging information--seeing what others miss.”
He was quietly processing Amilyn’s words as he assessed her.
“I am sure she reports on politics and urban injustices with aplomb. Are you confident she is the right person to send to a war zone?”
“Leia picked her personally, Ben.”
His jaw gyrated in thought. “I just wonder if a more experienced reporter might be wiser.”
Now she was steamed.
“Mr. Solo...I can assure you…”
“How old are you, Rey?”
She felt her face flush in anger. “I don’t see what…”
He stood. She was sure he was going to yell...but his voice stayed low and controlled, seemingly laced with steel.
“I think it has everything to do with this... Miss Johnson . You see, whoever I bring on this trip must have the wisdom and maturity to handle what we walk into. Because this is an active duty base, men and women stationed there are still experiencing daily dangers and loss of life. They don’t need a young, fresh-out-of-undergrad, hot-headed reporter coming in with preconceived ideas about what they do, or what I am bringing to them. They need someone that can observe and tell their stories...a calming presence. I haven’t seen much today that gives me confidence that you are able to do so.”
Incensed, she stood as also. “Well, Mr. Solo...I haven’t heard much that gives me confidence that this is anything more than a publicity stunt from an entitled celebrity using a philanthropy ploy to deceive adoring fans!”
Without regard to what it meant for her career, she turned and stalked out of the room.
He turned to Amilyn agape.
She just shook her head and chuckled. “She’s trouble, that one...but she’s the best I have. She just doesn’t get what you do, Ben...you will have to make her a believer.”
He sank back down in his chair and suppressed a groan. “Really...she is the only one?”
“Well...I’d be happy to let your mother know that you don’t approve of her hand-picked…”
“No...that isn’t necessary. I will just have her shadow Phas...I’m sure it will be fine.”
The truth was, he wasn’t quite fully back in his mother’s good graces yet. He was trying...agreeing to let Resistance Publications do an exclusive story when he usually shut all press out of his events was an effort in that direction. He was in too deep with that now to refuse her pick of a reporter.
It would be fine.
_____________________________
She was well on her way to a tension headache when she heard her email notification alert. Groaning, she lifted her head from where it rested on her arms to wake-up her laptop to check what it was.
It was an email from a [email protected].
Ms. Johnson,
I have been asked by Ben to prep you for the MAF Afghanistan trip. Would you have a lunch hour free this week?
Regards,
Phasma
She winced and sank her head back down, lightly pounding it against her desk.
This was really happening.
_____________________________
Rose positively howled.
“I can’t believe you met him...shook his hand. RE-EEEY!!! What was he like? How did his skin feel? What did he smell like?”
Rey rolled her eyes. This was the precise response she was expecting from her best friend and roommate.
As if she smelled him.
Eucalyptus. Eucalyptus and mint, and some sort of masculine...
“Well...if you must know...he was kind-of a jerk. Condescending...arrogant…”
Rose quirked an eyebrow at her. “Really? He is known for being fairly reserved. On-screen he’s a like a frenetic hurricane...but in real life, he is known to be introverted and quiet...humble even. Well...now anyway.”
Rey had only seen one of his movies where he played the spoiled youngest of his family. She wasn’t impressed with his character.
“What do you mean now?”
Rose’s eyes wandered off in the distance. “When he was younger, he was everything you would expect of a handsome successful actor. The women...an inflated ego...substance abuse...he was pretty wild. But then suddenly he just up and enlisted in the military. It was crazy! He just disappeared for a few years. He’s been back for a couple of years now...but he’s different. He’s serious...mature...and he makes really interesting role choices now.”
To her displeasure, her investigative sense couldn’t help but perk up now as it smelled a story. What caused those shifts? Enlisting in the military was a pretty extreme action after being a successful actor with the world at his feet.
The more she learned about him, the more enigmatic Ben Solo became.
_____________________________
Clothes. That is what Phasma--who, by the way, turned out to be a positively Amazon ex-marine that worked with Ben’s foundation--had told her.
“Steel-toed boots, desert appropriate clothes. They must cover you to protect your skin, yet also breathe…” her clipped voice instructed.
That was how she found her way to an outdoor/military surplus store and spent way too much money on gear she would likely never use again.
And to think she was just planning to take jeans and Converse on this trip.
Apparently, when one travels to a war-torn area, they must not only have appropriate clothing, but also some sort of emergency pack that they keep on their person...at all times.
So, when she met the MAF crew at JFK a few days later, she was prepared.
For the flight, she wore lightweight, breathable wool leggings and a loose, long-sleeved linen blend shirt, a scarf that doubles as a head-covering, and her sand-colored, military-grade steel-toed boots. As instructed, she wore her required emergency backpack stashed with a mylar blanket, MRE’s, water pouches, sunscreen, flashlight, first aid kit, flares, etc. while the rest of her gear was stored in her lightweight duffle. She wore her hair up in an effortless bun, and her face was bare.
She decided the way to get through the next few days was to channel Christiane Amanpour. She could do this.
She was expecting, however, to be on a standard flight. When she followed the directions to the proper gate, she was surprised to see a military transport plane. She apprehensively followed the jetway to the stairs and finally stood down on the tarmac looking up at the large plane.
She swallowed. She didn’t enjoy flying...it scared her really. That she would be on a comfortable commercial airplane with all the amenities, including an entertainment screen to distract her and a reclining seat she could pass out in, had been her saving grace thought. But now…
She gulped and tried to school her features away from panic.
“Second thoughts, Scavenger?”
She craned her neck and looked up into the amused eyes of Ben Solo.
“What? No...absolutely not,” then she stopped and furrowed her brow.
“Wait...why are you calling me that?”
His smirk was back. “In the military, everyone goes by a nickname. It’s part of being on the team. You need one...and it just came to me after something Holdo said last week.”
She wasn’t sure if she should be flattered or offended that he remembered enough detail to come up with her moniker.
“I see. And what do they call you?”
“Mine is Kylo Ren...sometimes just Ren.”
“What does that mean?”
He paused before answering, seeming to weigh how much to say. “It’s after a character I played in a movie that is pretty dark at first before his redemption arc. When I first enlisted...I was not in a good place. My unit mates dubbed me with it and it just stuck.”
That sounded familiar. She almost asked more, but he changed the subject.
“We are ready to roll. You need help with that?” he nodded to her bag.
“Nope...I got it,” she tossed back before attempting to saunter confidently toward the plane.
She hoped she was more successful on the outside than she was on the inside. Her legs felt like jello hauling her and all her accouterments up the entry ramp in the back of the plane. When she got to the top, she froze.
The inside of the plane was similar to what she had seen in news articles. Hundreds of seats lined-up in rows in the middle of the plane with a long single rows facing inward down each side.
So much for reclining seats or in-flight movies.
She felt him more than saw him come up behind her.
“How many people are coming with us?”
He snorted and passed her by, setting his camo duffle on a seat up a few rows near the middle of the plane. “Not too many. A few troops and then there are about 15 of us with MAF. They have more troops to bring home then send this time, so we are on the skeleton flight. You can have a row to yourself and get some sleep.”
She nodded, trying to swallow down her anxiety.
“Where should I…”
“Anywhere you want, Scavenger,” he quipped.
She watched as Phasma took the row a few ahead of where Ben had set his gear down. She decided to stick between the only two people she knew to give her some sense of security. Not a lot, though, since one scared her and the other one irritated her.
She sat back carefully and closed her eyes after setting her emergency pack down in the seat next to her. She ran her mind through some breathing exercises in an effort to calm her growing nerves.
“You afraid of flying, Sweetheart?”
She jumped as she heard his deep voice rumble right next to her ear. Her eyes popped open and she saw his arms rested on the back of her seat and the seat in front of her as he leaned over, caging her in. His eyes seemed softer than they had been so far. They looked...concerned for a flash before fading into amusement he always seemed to enjoy at her expense.
“I...I have never liked it. The feeling of insecurity when the turbulence hits...I…”
He straightened and looked down, smirking again. “Well...Cap says we should have a smooth flight, but you never know. You can come sit in my lap if you get scared.”
Her eyes narrowed on him, managing to kick up that dislike again.
“I would never…”
He held his hands up in mock defeat. “Hey...I wasn’t trying to suggest anything untoward. I was just offering some comfort if you needed it.”
She jumped up, mustering up all the height she could to stare him down. “I’m not one of your simpering fangirls, Solo. And just when I was starting to think you were human and had some decency…you’re disgusting!”
“Well…” he said quietly, his low tone hard, “I’d hate to disappoint you and all of your set opinions of me.”
She huffed back down in her seat and turned her head away from him. She could ignore him for 18 hours, right? She chose not to evaluate the way he concurrently fascinated and infuriated her.
No...she did not. Instead, she turned on her laptop and was relieved to find wi-fi available on board. Perhaps she could distract herself from the maddening ogre behind her after all.
_____________________________
Thankfully, Ben was right. The flight was mostly smooth, and thanks to her Drammamine, Rey was able to sleep quite well.
They were about 10 minutes from landing and she had just returned from the bathroom to brush her teeth, sponge bathe and change her clothes. She wore lightweight fitted cargo pants and a similar shirt to what she had on before.
After radio silence the whole flight, she was surprised when Ben sat next to her and rested arms on his knees. He turned his head enough so she could hear his low tone, but he wasn’t looking at her.
“Listen...Rey. I know we haven’t exactly gotten along. But while we are here on base, you are my responsibility. I need you to stick close. With me...or with Phas. Just stay close.”
This time, she smirked. “Oh...you are worried about me, are you Solo?”
“More like worried about what my mother will do if anything happens to you. I’m not messing around. Where we are going...it’s not safe.”
With that, he got up unceremoniously and left.
She returned to the notes she had started taking on her laptop.
She supposed that writing an article about how exacerbating Ben Solo was would not be acceptable to Amilyn.
_____________________________
Rey swallowed hard. Hundreds of curious eyes zeroed in on her. She read both equal parts of curiosity, weariness, and hunger on their faces.
She unconsciously scooted a bit closer to Phasma and didn’t miss the smirk on the tall woman as a result.
The MAF crowd was fanning out to pass out fliers for the event the following night. She tried to steady her hands holding the pile of fliers she was to distribute. She wasn’t sure if it was being overly tired, or nerves, but the papers fluttered maddeningly in her grasp.
It all went fine as she handed out the small papers and chatted with the military personnel. That is, until she got to the last table. A smirking redhead leered up at her.
“So, darlin’...are you gonna be in this...ah...performance?”
He stood at the end of his question and invaded her personal bubble.
“No...I...ah…”
“Well, that’s disappointing. I’d like to see more of you.” His tone left little question about his statement’s meaning.
Just then she felt towering warmth at her side and a meaty arm wrapping around her shoulders.
“Ah...Hux. Never thought I’d never have to see your ugly mug again. But, no...the answer to your question is no. My girl is just along for the ride with me...she’s not performing.”
She glanced back and forth as the two men had some sort of stare off before Ben tugged at her shoulder with his arm and pulled her away.
“C’mon, Sweetheart. We’re done here.”
Ben kept an easy smile on his face until they were outside where he spun her around and looked down at her intensely.
“You OK, Scavenger?”
Her mouth was dry and her throat just didn’t want to release any words, so she just nodded.
“That guy...Hux...he’s an ass. The vast majority of the men and women here are honorable and safe. That guy...he’s not. His father was a general, or he wouldn’t even still be here, let alone in leadership. That is part of why I asked you to stay close...I don’t trust him.”
Her mouth just hung agape. Ben Solo...uppity, rude, conceited Ben Solo...he was worried about her? Protective of her?
“I’ll walk you back to your tent with Phas. Just...please...don’t go anywhere without her. Promise?”
She nodded again, and allowed him to walk her to the barracks.
Once she was inside, Phasma smiled knowingly at Ben’s retreating form, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until the two women were readied for bed and lying in the dark that Rey spoke up.
“Phas...can I ask you something?”
She heard the other woman shift and saw in the light pouring in the window from outside that she was on her side looking at her.
“Is this about Ben?” she asked.
“Well...yes…”
Phasma sighed. “I will only talk about him if it’s off the record.”
“Oh...of course. This isn’t for the article. I just...I’m trying to figure him out. His life before the military...what drove him to it...and now this work now. How long have you known him?”
She heard her roll over and take a deep breath.
“Ben and I were at boot camp together. Hux too. Ben had just come out of a really bad season of benders, and had finally broken from his controlling former manager, Snoke. He was trying to get healthy and break free...and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he’s a bit dramatic. So, rather than going to rehab or therapy...he joined the Marines.”
Her voice trailed off as she lost herself in the memories.
“We actually deployed here not long after graduation. It was insane, back then. Not that it’s fantasyland here now, but it’s comparatively safe to what it was then. There was an incident with a transport...they ran into a landmine. Ben and Hux were on it. Ben took on a lot of shrapnel...enough that he was medically discharged. Hux shot his mouth off after that, saying the pretty boy got scared and ran back to Hollywood. That was hardly the case. Ben had multiple surgeries and months of painful therapy. I chose not to reenlist after that, and over drinks one night Ben told me about the kinds of roles he’d been taking and how therapeutic it was for him. Having the language of others to voice what he couldn’t...it was healing for him. And, he figured if it was healing for him, it could be for others as well. He asked me to help him start MAF, and I’ve never looked back.”
“I know he has a public image, Rey...but the Ben Solo I know is serious, focused...and just desperately wants to help people. He is the best man I’ve known...just don’t tell him I told you that or I’ll call you a liar.”
There was silence for a few moments when Phasma stopped talking.
“Thank you,” Rey finally whispered.
“Sure, Poppet...and, just so that you know...there is nothing between us but friendship.”
Rey gasped when her meaning hit.
“What? No...there is...no...it’s not like that with Ben and me.”
“Well, I’m just saying since he walked you home and all,” Phasma teased.
Rey giggled. “Trust me...it’s not that. Just, one of the guys, that Hux fellow you mentioned, he gave me a bit of a hard time. Ben was just being protective...asked me to stick by you and him. He can barely stand to have me here.”
“Mmmm, I see,” she mused, “Those two competed over everything. If Ben gave the appearance of staking a claim over you, that is only going to embolden Hux. But don’t worry...I can take down that ginger.”
Sleep pressed down hard on Rey then, and all she could remember saying was, “I’m sure you can, Phas...I’m sure you can.”
_____________________________
The first of three performances was the next night.
Rey was flabbergasted.
She sat in her perch off to one side in the very front. She could see both the stage and the audience clearly. Their responses were an open book to her.
There was no production. The actors that came just read the lines from the plays with no sets, costumes, or lighting. It was raw and organic.
The plays weren’t about anything of a military nature. One was about a father and son relationship. One was about the power of friendship. The last one was strangely about dressing for work.
The audience was silent once it started, after their initial whistles and catcalls. But during...during the readings...the actors held their rapt attention.
Perhaps the most compelling, though, was what happened when the performance was over.
There was just a smattering of applause, but mostly an almost sacred silence.
Some of the troops just walked out silently...contemplatively.
Others just sat in their seats a while...processing.
The last group, though...they stood in line to come talk to the crew.
She overheard confessions of broken relationships back home.
She heard about the guilt that was felt from survivors over their fallen comrades.
She even heard women talking with Phas about how the uniform one spoke to them...how as military women their uniform also included undergarments men didn’t have to think about. A play that understood how their gender was an extra part of their uniform and their military identity was particularly poignant for them.
Rey listened in surprise...and shame. Both were felt over her preconceived notions of the work MAF was doing...and over her judgment of Ben Solo.
She helped the crew clean up afterward ready the auditorium for the next day.
When it was done, she looked at Ben across the room and chewed on her lip as she debated if she should talk to him...apologize to him.
In the end, she lost her nerve and walked back to the barracks with Phas.
But as she fell asleep that night, she resolved that she needed to talk to him. She needed to let him know she understood.
_____________________________
It was at lunch the next day, with Rey still trying to figure out when she could get Ben alone to talk to him, that everything changed.
No one could have predicted it.
“C’mon, Ren...civilian life hasn’t made you soft now, has it?” Hux taunted.
Rey looked up and saw Ben’s jaw set tight. “No,” he gritted out.
Hux’s attention turned to her. “Well, I’m sure Miss Johnson would love to get out and see the country a bit.”
In confusion, she looked back and forth between the two men.
“I’m sorry...what now?”
“A group of us...headed out for patrol right after lunch. It’s been quiet as a rest home around here for months. I figure it would give the reporter here a chance to see some scenery outside of the base, get to know us better…”
Rey couldn’t stop her eyes from lighting up as she considered the possibility. The chance to get off the base had made her miss Hux’s suggestive emphasis on the latter statement. They sobered a bit when she looked back to Ben and saw his lips clasped in such a hard line they were nearly invisible...which was a feat for his unfairly plush pout.
He glared at her and shook his head, just once, to discourage any further thoughts of agreeing from her.
Her eyes narrowed in annoyance and her anger swelled. All thoughts she had of talking to him flew out the window. She was here be a reporter, not submit to every order from Ben Solo.
So, she found herself turning back to Hux and his group. “I’d love to go.”
_____________________________
She walked quickly to the transport as if she could outpace his long stride.
“Rey...I am begging you...please...please don’t go.”
In her vexation, she missed the supplicative inflection. “Listen, Solo...I know you have particular views on what I should or shouldn’t do here. But, I am here to report. I need to understand these people better, and I think it’s important to see what is outside the walls of this base. I will be with a whole truckload of Uncle Sam’s finest...what could happen?”
“A lot,” he lashed back at her. "There are real people out there...actively trying to fight and destroy those troops on that transport. And, don't even get me started on Hux..."
She stopped and her conscience was pricked for a moment when she remembered what Phasma had told her about the circumstances around his discharge, but then her pride overrode. She turned, looking straight up into his eyes with her best effort at her queenly countenance.
“Mr. Solo...I appreciate that you had me along for this trip, but that doesn’t mean you can dictate my story or what leads I follow to get it. I will be with a group, a well-armed group, and I will stay away from Hux. I am going...you can’t stop me. The. End.”
She turned and stepped up into the vehicle, hauling herself up into the truck bed lined with benches and covered with canvas on all sides.
She carefully sat away from the troops...particularly Hux...in the front corner. She hadn’t noticed any others ready to board outside, so she was surprised when she felt the jolt of someone sitting right next to her.
Once she saw who it was, she rolled her eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
He didn’t look at her. In fact, he seemed quite irate.
“I told you that you needed to stick close to me. If you are going to be foolish enough to do this, I at least am not going to allow you to go alone.”
She shifted her emergency pack onto her lap from her back so she could lean against the side framing behind her. “Suit yourself,” she tossed back with a shrug.
30 minutes of uncomfortable silence later, Rey started to question the wisdom in coming. Her distracted annoyance at her ever-present shepherd kept her from talking with anyone else, and the desert heat radiating through the canvas was stifling.
When they finally stopped, she stood to exit and gain some freedom to see the landscape when Ben’s large hand reached up and grabbed her elbow.
He shook his head at her. “No...let them go out first and do surveillance.”
The second round of questioning her wisdom began as she pondered all the reasons why letting the troops out first to look around would be needed.
The others all exited and they could hear them calling out to each other as they scanned the area.
“How long do we need to…” she started, but then she quickly stopped.
A sound that was unfamiliar to her echoed through the air. A sharp round of pops...then shouts and screams.
Ben immediately grabbed her shoulders and threw her to the ground.
”Stay down,” he somehow whispered and yelled at her at the same time.
She flung herself to the ground, managing to loop the straps of her emergency back over her arms and onto her back as she tried to analyze what to do the burst of adrenaline shooting through her veins.
She looked up at Ben, crouched down next to her, as he cocked his head listening for voices through the endless orchestra of gunfire.
He seemed to decide something to himself after listening for a minute. He held his finger to his mouth and looked at her, demanding silence, then crept up to the bench and peeked out the crack in the canvas flap.
It felt like he was there for ages as her heart thudded. In actuality, he crept back down by her in seconds and leaned forward to whisper directly in her ear.
“There is no one on our side of the vehicle, and there is a land formation about 50 yards away that is big enough to take cover behind. I think they are distracted enough we can make a run for it. Can you do that?”
She gulped and drew back to look at him. His eyes were set in stone...determined.
“But...can’t we just stay here until…”
He leaned back to her again, his low timbre resonating through her head. “Rey...very soon one of those enemy combatants is going to open the flap on the back. There is nowhere in here for us to hide. If we stay, we are sitting ducks. We can come back when it’s finished, but for now, our best option is to make it to covered safety.”
She leaned back again and looked up. She could feel her eyes wide with panic, but Ben stayed calm.
She had to trust him. She gulped and nodded.
He nodded back. “Follow my lead.”
He crept back up and looked out again, scanning their surroundings fully before he quickly unlatched the bottom two fastenings on the canvas and vaulted his body out. She scurried to follow after him when he disappeared from her sight.
As soon as she peeked out, she saw his hand and grasped it. He pulled her swiftly out and softened her fall to the ground. Wordlessly, he pointed to the berm he saw in the distance and nodded.
Then he grabbed her hand and they ran.
She felt as her heart would explode out of her chest. Fueled by terror, and with her hand clasped in Ben’s, she ran faster than she ever had in her life.
When they were just shy of the berm, she made the mistake of looking back.
While no one was following them, there were bodies scattered on the ground in the distance. They were too far to see who they were, whether the marines or the enemy, but the gravity of the situation overwhelmed her and she stumbled.
She did her best not to cry out when her knees hit the ground, just releasing a quiet moan instead. Ben looked back at her frantically. Once he realized when she had let go of his hand, he stalked back to her and picked her up, bridal carrying her the few yards left to their shelter.
He set her down on the ground more gently than their haste should have allowed before crawling back to the edge of the berm to see what was happening. More shots fired for a few more minutes, but then the air stilled.
He groaned when the sound of the truck driving away came.
He came back to sit down by her, burying his head in his arms propped up on his legs.
“Did...did they leave us?” she tried and failed to say without her voice breaking.
He raised his head and looked at her, his eyes wounded and bleeding with pain.
His voice was tight. “No...Rey. That was the attackers taking the truck, driving off in the opposite direction.”
She searched his face for any sign of teasing...but it was entirely solemn now. That...that meant...
“Is...is anyone…”
He looked down and shook his head slowly. “It doesn’t look like it.”
The realization of what he meant hit her, and she sunk weakly against the sloped ground behind her.
All those men and women...the same ones that attended the show last night. They were just gone? Like that?
Even Hux. Smarmy, inappropriate Hux...gone...
It was unimaginable.
She swallowed against the panic threatening to overtake her, thickening her throat.
“You...you saved us, Ben. If you hadn’t gotten us out of there…” she broke off and her eyes sank shut, willing her mind to not finish that thought.
She felt him shift closer to her and a heavy arm curled around her. “Hey...it’s gonna be OK, Rey. We are going to be fine. This is why we carry these packs. Someone will come out looking for them if they don’t report back. Maybe not until tomorrow...but we have everything we need.”
“But...what if those men come back?” she sniffed.
“It’s possible but unlikely. The way the truck was covering us and where they were, I'm sure they didn’t see us, so there would be no reason for them to. And I heard the truck...they drove far away. Hux…” he started then stopped when his breath caught “...he said they have a camp about 50 miles to the north. The likelihood of them coming back now isn't logical. They got what they came for.”
“So, we are just going to stay here? All night?” she gulped.
He looked down at her and smirked, which was strangely reassuring and not annoying now. She realized too that it wasn't really a smirk, but that he just smiled a bit crooked.
“I’ve done it before. Don’t worry...you are with a pro.”
She gave him a flimsy attempt at a smile in return. Another thought erased it immediately and her eyes flooded with tears.
“Should...should we do anything with them?”
He looked over his shoulder as if he could see them as he contemplated her question.
“They likely took all their weapons and supplies, and there is no way we can bury them. Their remains need to return home, so, for now, we will have to leave them. I will go check and make sure no one is still…” he stopped and sank his eyes closed.
“Do you need me to go too?”
“No, Rey. I want you to stay here. I will be back as soon as I can. Listen to me...nothing is going to happen now. You are safe...we are going to be ok.”
He gave her shoulder a squeeze, then hopped up to confront the task ahead.
It seemed like he was gone for hours. All she could do while she waited for him was lean back and sob.
This was all her fault. If she hadn’t insisted on coming, Ben wouldn’t be stuck out there checking through the remains of his brothers and sisters in arms.
He just got her hackles up so easily. Why was she so overly sensitive with him? Her head spun as she pondered how easily she had gone from wanting to apologize to him to ignoring his pleas and getting them both into this mess.
She had always struggled with her pride and stubbornness. They were traits that had allowed her to rise from the ashes from her past, but they also proved to be stumbling blocks in her present.
She was surprised at how gracious Amilyn had been with her when she protested this assignment. Then, at every turn, she had been antagonistic with Ben. True, he really knew how to push her buttons more than anyone she had ever met...but she let him.
She heard his footsteps returning, and looked up, hope shining through her tears as she looked to question if someone else had…
One shake of Ben’s downturned face answered that. They were alone.
She could only imagine what he had just seen, and her heart bled for him.
He stumbled back down next to her, leaning his head back against the slope behind him and sighed deeply as his eyes drifted closed
Fatigue suddenly overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes, too, and they sat in silence until an exhausted sleep overtook her.
_____________________________
She woke with a start with her cheek pressed against something warm and solid.
Ben Solo’s bicep, to be precise.
“Oh, sorry…” she said as she straightened up off of him.
He looked down with that half-smile that was starting to affect her heartbeat somehow.
“How long was I out?” she asked sheepishly.
He shrugged. “Not long...about 30 or 40 minutes. It happens...it’s the body’s natural response to the shock and stress once the rush of adrenaline wears off.”
“I guess that makes sense...did you? Sleep?”
He chuckled, which seemed impossible against the backdrop of the day. “Nope...just watched you snore and drool all over my sleeve…”
She smacked said sleeve playfully while surreptitiously scanning it for any telltale wet spots. She smiled to herself when she found none. His teasing now brought solace.
When she looked back, he was absent-mindedly using his pack knife to trace in the sand.
She shivered slightly and hugged herself before asking, “So...I know you are the pro here and all, but are you OK?”
He stopped the movements and lifted his head to look out at the horizon. “Yeah...you just think once you leave all of this that you won’t have to face things like this again. I knew in the back of my mind when we chose to bring MAF to active combat zones it was a possibility, but you rationalize it...telling yourself it won’t happen again.”
“But, Ben, if I hadn’t insisted on coming...if you hadn’t followed me…”
He sighed and his head ducked, looking impossibly heavy. “Even if we hadn’t come, the ambush still would have happened. Their fates were set. If I hadn’t come, you would be lying there with them. We can’t change what happened. I am sorry you had to see it.”
“Ben, I am sorry...so sorry. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn and insisted…”
Tears were rolling down her cheeks again. She felt his palm lift her face to look at him, and a thumb reached up to wipe at the trail headed down one side.
“You aren’t responsible for what happened here, Rey. Not for what happened to them. And if anything, it’s my fault to letting you insist. Part of my job here is to keep you safe, and I didn’t push hard enough back at base to keep you from going. I know better.”
She gave him her best attempt at a watery smirk. “I would have just dug my heels in more if you tried.”
His other hand came up to brush her other cheek. “Yeah...I know, but I shouldn’t have let the fear of you getting mad at me overpower my responsibility to protect you.”
The moment was intense and their eyes were licked. Since the day she met him, Ben had stirred up extreme emotion. Now, she realized, those feelings were screaming in an entirely different direction. She was feeling things for this man she had never felt for anyone, and it terrified her.
She dropped her eyes, breaking the spell, and he withdrew his hands slowly.
She wiped at her nose and her face with her long sleeve, and he looked down at her knees bent up in front of her and swore under his breath.
“OK...now with all of that in mind, I need you to listen to me from here on out, ok?”
She nodded, all the fight leaving her as she processed that this man...this annoying, protective, distracting man...was what her survival literally depended on.
“So, first off, I need to clean those scrapes on your knees. I should have done it earlier. Hopefully, it’s not too late to prevent infection.”
He rummaged around in his emergency pack for his first aid kid. The antiseptic wipes stung as her carefully swept over her battered knees through the holes in her now ruined leggings.
“Sorry,” he apologized as he continued until he was satisfied. Next, he dabbed some kind of ointment on before he bandaged both with large-sized bandaids.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“Sure, sure. Now, listen to me, OK? Very important. You need to drink one of your water packs about every 3 hours, except at night. We need to stay hydrated, but also make sure we have enough in case it takes longer for them to find us than I think. We will use the north side of the berm for our bathroom. Have you done that before? Not had a real bathroom to use?”
She lifted her chin and nodded once at him.
“Oh? Are you a camper, or…”
He saw a shadow fall over her face as she shook quickly in disagreement. She didn't offer any further explanation of her past that required such a skill.
“Oh...OK...well, however you know...that will help here. Also, your MRE’s aren’t great, they will just keep you from starving and keep your energy up. We should eat soon.”
He looked up again at the horizon and then checked his watch. It was an expensive movie-star watch that suddenly looked comical in their survival situation.
“Lastly, I’m not sure what time the sun goes down here. I was still jet-lagged last night and didn’t pay attention, but as soon as it goes down, it’s going to get cold. You will need that emergency mylar blanket, but we are also going to have to work together to increase our body heat.”
“B-b-b-body heat? What do you mean? How?” Her mind raced to all the situations she had heard of where two people shared body heat. It didn’t help her anxiety to think of needing to do those things with Ben Solo.
He looked at her suddenly frantic face and quickly dismissed teasing her. “It just means we need to huddle together beneath the blankets. It should work well for you...I always run hot.”
“So, no need to, you know…”
“You worried we are going to have to get naked, Scavenger?”
She looked up at him with her eyes flashing with fire he hadn’t seen since the truck.
He laughed. A big, hearty, cleansing laugh. “Don’t worry, Rey. It won’t be that cold. We will stay perfectly warm dressed, but it will involve snuggling.”
____________________________
A few hours later, they were navigatiating the “snuggling.”
“You sure this isn’t a trick to get close to me?”
She could feel his breath puff across her ear in a silent gust of a laugh.
“Don’t flatter yourself, Scavenger.”
She thought that his voice didn’t sound as firm as he intended, and she tried to stop the little flutter it sparked swirling in her stomach.
“Well...I’m just asking. I mean, you were trying to get me to sit on your lap on the plane…”
This earned her a snort-laugh. She reveled in it.
They grew quiet. On her side...Rey was just aware of him...all of him so close. She had never slept in a bed with anyone else. It was strange and comforting. He was indeed warm. An arm was carefully placed around her waist, wrapping that heat all around her.
“Ben...would you tell me what happened? Why you enlisted? I mean...off the record. This isn’t for the article. I just want to know.”
She could feel every breath across her cheek since they huddled together, but the prolonged blast that came indicated a change in his demeanor. She felt him stiffen a bit.
“Well...I don’t know if you know this, but my grandfather and uncle were actors too. And, they were successful...really successful and famous. I did some work as a kid but really got serious as a teen. I was desperate to break away from my family’s legacy, though. I wanted to be known for my own work and not be in their shadow. Up until that point, my uncle was my manager. When I was 16 I split with him after a heated debate and hired Snoke. He had been courting me for years, but he was a piece of work. Manipulative...controlling. He was complementary in the beginning, filling my head with promises of what he would make me. I wasn’t strong enough then to not bite on that bait. Not only that, he pushed me into a lot of destructive vices. Alcohol, drugs...women. He encouraged it all.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “When I was 23, after my dad died, it was like a light flipped on and I saw what he was doing to me. I knew if I didn’t get away from him, he would destroy my life. I wasn’t talking to my family anymore...I was completely isolated. I didn’t know what to do...where to turn.”
“My grandfather was in the military before he was an actor, and it was something that always appealed to me. So, I finally got the courage to break from Snoke. I enlisted and shipped off to boot camp right away. It gave me a quick out away from him, and he couldn’t come find me to drag me back. I was safe from him and his influence.”
“I loved it...being in the military. As an only child, and the progeny of a lot of high-powered, famous people, my childhood was pretty lonely. The Marines gave me a family, a brotherhood, that I had never had before. The routine and discipline gave me a way to break free from the habits I was in. It just brought...freedom I suppose, which is ironic because in many ways you have no freedom with the chain of command and the schedule. I loved it, though. Except, of course, the heartbreak that came once I was deployed over here. I got hurt and was discharged, but I knew I couldn’t go back to what I was before. I had changed. I was able to reconcile, albeit tenuously, with my family. My uncle is actually my manager now, again. And, I was drawn to a different type of role than I was before.”
“In the midst of my first few movies, I found I was dealing with some PTSD and guilt over having to leave my platoon. I was in therapy, but the roles helped too. I mean...I would have probably been howling at the moon without the catharsis they brought. The arts have a profound way of helping us speak what is trapped inside. That’s where the idea for MAF came from...I just knew what it did for me and thought maybe what I found could help others too.”
He was finally quiet, and Rey’s heart felt like it was going to burst. She turned in his arms and faced him.
“Ben...I want to apologize. I was terrible to you when this all started. I thought you were just a publicity-hungry celebrity looking for attention. I had no idea. But last night...with the performance...I saw. I watched those people find something in what you all did that seemed to resonate with them...bring something they didn’t know they needed. I judged you unfairly, and I was way off. I am sorry.”
He tightened his arms around her in response and he just whispered, “Thank you.”
She felt his arms loosen, and he cleared his throat. “So...what is your story? How did you get here?”
She didn’t share with just anyone about her past. Only Finn and Rose knew.
But, after Ben had opened up and shared about his difficult past, how could she deny his query?
“Well,” she started and her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and began again.
“When I was six, my parents left me with the pawnshop owner they frequented while they went on a bender with the money he gave them. When they died shortly after, I was left in his questionable care as a foster parent for most of my life. They had immigrated from Wales when I was a toddler, so I had no family here, and there were no records for me. I don't even know when my birthday is. He...I mean, he didn’t abuse me physically or anything, but his business was less than legal. He underpaid people who pawned things with him and overcharged those he sold to. He cooked his books to launder part of his money away to avoid taxes, and he trained me to do the same. But, he gave me a roof over my head and fed me...most of the time. Truthfully, I was better off with him than what I can remember of my parents. I worked really hard in school, so when I aged-out I got a scholarship to Takadonna. I’ve never looked back.”
Her eyes had been focused on the spot at the base of his throat through her whole speech. Only once she stopped did she chance a look up at him.
Those eyes. Those expressive, unguarded eyes oozed emotion down at her. It wasn’t quite pity. No, it was something else she couldn’t place.
“I think you might be the bravest person I’ve ever met, Rey,” he murmured.
The intensity of the moment, being in his arms and receiving whatever look it was he was giving was like nothing she had ever experienced.
So, Rey did what she did when she got uncomfortable.
She deflected.
She snorted.
“Brave, or stubborn.”
He was quiet for a moment as a hand reached to her forehead to brush the tendrils that escaped from her bun from it.
“Is there a difference?”
She snorted again. “I think so.”
She closed her eyes as she felt his fingers brushing against her crown, exhaustion suddenly upon her.
“I don’t. I think courage is the ability to be confronted with circumstances that make most cower...that make you afraid...yet having the stubborn tenacity to move through them and survive anyhow. You have shown that over your life...even with me that first day at Rebel. I have seen trained professionals freeze and not be able to move when faced with the same kinds of horrors you faced today. You, Sweetheart, are an overcomer.”
She didn’t have the ability to open her eyes, but she gave him a gentle smile and hummed her noncommittal response.
She could have sworn the last thing she felt as she drifted off to sleep was the grazing of soft lips against her brow.
_____________________________
It wasn’t until late in the afternoon the next day that they finally heard the staccato of the Cobra helicopter signaling their rescue.
Ben stood out in the open and fired off the flare, and shortly after the aircraft landed yards from their hideout.
Once she was safely buckled in her jumpseat, she unraveled.
As the chopper took off, Ben gathered her in his arms as much as their restraints allowed and they wept together.
_____________________________
At last, the plane circled JFK, and Rey found herself blinking back tears.
Again.
She had been a mess since leaving the base. Well, really, since they got back from their ordeal and ever since.
She had stayed close to Ben, only leaving him when sleeping. Their departure was delayed as they were observed for a few days before they were medically cleared. Even then, she missed him. It was strange how one night seemed to shift her from her solitary existence to feeling as if she was missing half of herself when he wasn’t there.
One day, albeit a monumental day, had forged a bond between her and Ben that left her feeling like her life would never be the same.
And, now, as the aircraft hovered over returning them to their lives before Afghanistan, she was bereft.
What would come of them...of her...now?
Ben squeezed her hand when the tires hit the tarmac. He held it all the while the brakes engaged and until all was still.
Once they were on the ground and amongst the vehicles that were set to whisk them away, he turned to her solemnly.
“I have to go soon, Rey. I have a shoot in LA for a few weeks. I only have enough time to go home and pack and get back to the airport. I was supposed to be there a few days ago. But next month, there is a gala here in New York for MAF. I would like it if you came...with me, that is. As my date? Would you, Sweetheart?”
Her throat clenched and her eyes filled, forbidding her to speak, so she just nodded as he swept her up in a bear hug and kissed her forehead.
His lips stayed connected as he spoke into her skin. “I’m so sorry I have to go. I will call you though, OK?”
She couldn’t look, couldn’t watch him walk away. It felt as if she was losing a piece of herself.
How had this happened? How could this all have flipped from him being a conceited jerk that set off all her worst tendencies to someone she felt she couldn’t live without?
How indeed.
_____________________________
Phasma breezed into her office three days before the gala carrying a large box.
Rey squealed as she jumped up to hug her after she set the package down.
“It’s so good to see you, Phas. It’s been too long,” she gushed.
The tall woman beamed down at her. “You too, Poppet. I come bearing gifts.”
Rey looked down at the box, recognizing a designer name she had never been privileged to think about owning anything from.
“What--what is that?”
“Why don’t you open it and find out?” Phasma teased.
With shaking hands, she opened the lid and peered inside.
She just saw yards and yards of fabric. When she sat there frozen, Phasma reached in to grab the hanger and pulled the garment out for her to see.
It was an evening gown. A magical, gorgeous evening gown. There was shimmering teal lining with a silky moss-green transparent overlay. It had a high neck in the front, bare upper-back, and a full, sweeping skirt. The play of the two colors with the transparency of the green fabric created an iridescent effect that shifted with every movement the dress made.
“I don’t understand...did you…”
“Nope. This was all Ben, Cinderella. I just gave him your measurements from our surplus store excursion. The rest was Ben...and Oscar de la Renta. I’m just the delivery gal.”
“I’ve never worn anything like this.”
“Well, love...there’s a first time for everything.”
_____________________________
Rey sat in the car Ben had sent for her. His delayed taping schedule meant he only had time to get ready for the gala on his jet. He had last-minute details to see to, so he said he would meet her there.
She walked up the steps of The Plaza Hotel carefully in her high heels and ran a hand over her simple updo to make sure all was well before stepping in the lobby.
Phasma met her in her column gown that shimmered like polished chrome and ushered her into the ballroom where the gala was to be held. It was simply and tastefully decorated in black and army green. Black and white pictures of various generations of men and women from all the branches of the military formed the centerpieces of the tables.
“Ben is almost done. He asked me to take you to the balcony and he’ll meet you out there.”
At the sound of his name, her eyes welled and she blinked rapidly to salvage the work the makeup artist Ben had sent to help her get ready had done.
She could bite her lips, though. The gal had relented when she insisted on just a simple clear gloss there. She knew herself and knew that with the emotions she was feeling, she would only chew off any attempts at more there.
Phasma left her at the railing to look out over the twilight of the city.
Sunset was her favorite time in New York. The dusky light softened all the sharp edges of the skyline and made the city feel dreamlike and a bit ethereal.
“You're beautiful,” she heard his husky voice call out.
Her whole being softened at the knowledge that he was finally here...in person. They had talked on the phone so much in the last month, but to know he was there...right behind her.
“How do you know,” she teased. “You can only see the back of my head.”
She didn’t turn but heard him shuffle. He wasn’t close yet, though. He seemed to hover about a body length behind her.
“You say that like I have to see your face to know it’s true.”
She turned her head to the side, just offering her profile to him. “Are you saying you don’t need to see my face?”
“No...yes...Rey…” he whined.
She finally decided to stop messing with him and fully turned to face him. She watched as his eyes drank her in. She knew she was doing the same as she finally saw him in his tux.
Surely it was some sort of crime for someone to look that good. It was unfair to women everywhere.
“Hi,” was all she seemed to be able to muster.
She watched his eyes dance all over her face before settling on her mouth. One small twitch of his was her only warning before he surged at her with his hands cradling her jaw on either side and enveloped her lips with his.
For the first few beats they were still, breathing each other in as they connected. There was an overwhelming sense of rightness to finally being there.
Then, things exploded.
Rey had been privy to a few kisses in her life. They were haphazard, curious, lackluster things that were easily forgettable.
They were not this.
This was an inferno of sensation and emotion that threatened to topple her. She had no doubt that Ben had his fair share of kisses, but if the whimpers that bubbled up in him were any indication, she had to believe he was being similarly affected.
This kiss altered the fabric of her being and nothing would ever be the same. She intrinsically knew that, even as he slowed it down and gradually pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers as his stuttering breath struggled to regulate.
“I am never letting you go again, Sweetheart.”
And he didn’t.
____________________________
They married quietly in his mother’s backyard just a few weeks later.
You would think that his only living parent would be the one to be sensible and try to talk them out of it...that she would be the one to caution them they were just swept up in the emotion of their shared trauma and physical attraction...
But Leia understood. She had her own lightning romance with Ben's dad.
Instead, she just smiled cryptically and offered to make all the arrangements...as if it had been her plan all along.
And Rey was able to keep her end of the bargain by agreeing to the arrangement Amilyn and Leia offered to freelance write from wherever Ben’s set location or MAF performances found them.
Rey loved her job.
But...she loved her complicated, passionate, gentle, reformed soulmate much, much more.
They found the belonging and understanding they had both always been looking for in each other. Though their paths were disparate getting there, they somehow knew each other in a way that no one else ever had or could.
They were never alone again.