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Mina stares, frozen, as a sock-clad Dahyun slowly steps towards her, closing dainty fingers around her wrist, and carefully guides her hand towards her face. Then she parted full lips, just enough to slip a delicate pink tongue out to carefully lick a firm circle on her pinky finger. Mina watches it disappear into her mouth, slowly swiping the bottom of her lip, and biting it.
The visual of the white of her teeth against rose lips sent a rush of heat down Mina’s shaky legs.
Then her mouth closed, and she looked up at the ceiling contemplatively for a long minute.
“I think it needs more salt,” Dahyun tells her, business-like, abruptly dropping Mina’s hand and turning away.
With Dahyun’s back to hers, Mina felt her heart, which, seconds before was beating wildly in her chest, plummet suddenly and continued to fall further than the heat from earlier had. Mina watches Dahyun clamber onto the counter to raid her top cupboards.
“Found it!” Dahyun calls out, happily waving the salt-shaker in the air and trying to scramble down without falling.
Mina quickly set the wooden spoon she was using to mix the pot onto a nearby chopping board, and steps over, hands automatically finding their place on Dahyun’s waist, leaving them there even though Dahyun’s feet were already firmly planted on the floor. Dahyun turns in her arms, to stare up at her with Mina’s favourite smile that took over her entire face, eyes sparkling.
Their bodies were almost entirely pressed to each other, Dahyun’s steady, calm breaths huffing in her direction, so close that she could almost feel the fluttering of Dahyun’s eyelashes against her cheek. If she angled her head slightly lower, she could so easily slot her mouth against Dahyun’s. And lift her back onto the counter, Dahyun’s legs tightly wrapped around her hips, while her tongue slowly but thoroughly searches Dahyun’s mouth for answers, teeth nipping cheekily, and hands stroking teasingly, lovingly at her sides.
But there was no moment. No flicker of recognition in Dahyun’s wide, bright eyes. The stars didn’t magically align. There were no birds singing. There wasn’t a burst of music. Her eyes didn’t soften slightly or darken, her pupils didn’t dilate when they met her own; just completely unaware of the intimacy between them. Dahyun, instead, was waving the salt shaker in her face.
“Why the heck do you keep your salt shaker so far away from your other stuff?” Dahyun complains exasperatedly, “why isn’t it down here next to the pepper?”
Dahyun poked Mina in the ribs, and slipped around her to reach the pot, Dahyun’s free hand brushing the small of her back, unknowingly sending a shiver down Mina’s spine. Dahyun twisted the shaker above the pot a few times and stirs a few strokes before dipping the spoon and trickling a few drops onto her finger before sucking on it and licking her lips.
“Tastes better now.” Dahyun drips more sauce onto her pinky and holds her fingers up to Mina’s lips, their eyes meeting for a long moment as Mina wraps her mouth around the digits to slowly suck on them.
Dahyun pulls away, laughing so hard that she’s snorting, “are you trying to seduce me, Myoui Mina?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Dahyun shakes her head, between laughs, “you’re ridiculous,” she throws over her shoulder, walking back to the counter where her glass of wine was resting.
Mina stares at Dahyun helplessly, the remains of whatever's left of heart, twisting painfully in her chest.
Blonde hair was piled messily on top of her head, stray wisps of hair framing the sides of her face, curling above her adorable ears and falling gently at her neck. She was dressed in an oversized, worn-out, maroon hoodie, Mina’s surname printed on the back, plaid green pyjama bottoms rolled up to her shin on one leg and penguin socks that look suspiciously familiar. And a very ridiculous apron was tied around her waist, that Mina knew wasn’t hers because she didn’t own any aprons. Her shoes were kicked off, lying by the welcome mat the second she came through the door an hour before.
Dahyun stirs the pot again before flicking more salt across the surface and turning off the stove before turning to Mina, bright-eyed.
“Now all we need to do is wait for the fish to finish baking and dinner should be done soon. What were you saying before you asked me to taste the sauce?
She leaned back onto the counter, swirling the wine in her glass and spreading some cheese onto a wafer cracker before biting into it and then speaking excitedly.
“Oh yeah! We should definitely do a herb garden.” Dahyun’s expression grew more animated. “I think we should do something organic, maybe the nursery has some easy herbs for us to start off with. I read somewhere that it’s cheaper to get seeds than to get transplants - whatever the heck that is. We can try so many recipes now that we’d have herbs all the time. Plus! It’ll be more exciting to see the plants grow from seeds, right? We could probably set them up in the kitchen too. They’ll be like our little plant children.”
Mina stares at Dahyun blankly for several long seconds, before swallowing hard around the lump in her throat.
“Do you want to keep doing this, Dahyunnie?” Mina finally asks in a low, flat voice.
Dahyun’s eyebrows furrow together, confused, and then arch into her forehead.
“Doing what?”
Mina’s shoulders drop and she heaves a tired sigh. “This,” she says, gesturing at the space between them and then at the pot on the stove and the tray of fish in the oven and the wine glass in Dahyun’s hand.
“Dinner?” Dahyun asks, still confused, “movie night? Gardening club?”
Mina feels very tempted to fly across the room and flick Dahyun’s stupid, cute forehead.
“Yeah. Everything,” Mina finally says agitated, “you’re clearly not interested. I’ve made my intentions clear, and we’re still doing this. It’s been three years, Dahyunnie.”
Dahyun looks back at her startled, all traces of excitement replaced with hurt written in the wobble of her lower lip, eyes wide and shiny. Mina blinks rapidly.
“You want to stop? Why?” Dahyun asks, her voice trailing softly, eyelashes already wet. “Of course I’m interested, I spent like two whole hours on gardening websites last night before bed looking up what herbs we’d use most and are easiest to grow indoors. I-I know - I know that I’ve been coming over later than usual recently but everyone’s pulling overtime lately - I know it’s not a good enough excuse - but I always make sure to send you a text! And-and I guess it means that I end up buying take-out on my nights because I’m late, but I’ll stop doing that a-and I didn’t know it bothered you. Why didn’t you say anything?”
Mina looks at her, completely dazed and feels understanding wash over her like ice and molten at the same time.
“Oh god,” Mina sighs, and covers her face with both hands, the realisation of the situation grasping her by the neck, “god, Dahyunnie I’m so sorry.”
She looked up at Dahyun, whose eyes are still all big and shiny, lower lip trembling dangerously. She hears Dahyun clear her throat quietly and sniffle. Mina’s eyes drop back to her hands again. When she looks back up, Dahyun is still staring at her with extreme hurt and sadness filling her delicate features. Mina’s opening and closing her mouth, not sure how to begin.
“Dahyun,” Mina says in a slow, even tone, Dahyun perks at mention of her name, fully attentive, “did you never find it weird that we’re the only two members of gardening club?”
Dahyun blinks owlishly at her. Mina is struggling not to find it very, very cute.
“Well,” Dahyun stretches the word out, “we mostly grow normal, boring vegetables. We also don’t really like the nursery near us because of the rude man that doesn’t stop speaking. And we’ve never branched out into growing herbs before,” she tells her contemplatively, “I guess we could find some new members when we start our herb garden, if you want? It must not be very exciting with just two participants.”
Mina swallows hard and blinks a few times before trying again.
“We have dinner. Just us, at my apartment. Dinner, that we normally cook together.”
“But if we ate separately it would mean we’d have less time to decide on what movies to watch and also less movies to watch,” Dahyun tells her slowly, as if talking to a small child.
“Okay,” Mina rubs both hands at the sides of her thighs she so doesn’t bury her face in it again, “I think I brought that up from when I first suggested movie night.”
“Yeah. You did,” Dahyun says defensively, still visibly hurt and upset.
“We eat and drink wine and watch movies and when we don’t want to watch movies anymore we talk until early morning that you regularly have to sleep in the spare bedroom but you end up in my bed most nights because you don’t like sleeping by yourself.”
Dahyun gives a short nod, still defensive.
“We regularly go to art galleries and museums and on long drives to vineyards and visit libraries and bookshops and cafés and open houses on the weekends,” Mina continues.
Dahyun’s expression shifts to one of guilty understanding and then she looks thoughtful and also remorseful.
“Oh,” Dahyun gulps, “I’m intruding, aren’t I? We don’t always have to see each other. You must have lots of other friends you want to see during the weekends. And I-I’m taking up all your time. It probably doesn’t help that I spend a lot of nights here, god, Mina, I’m so sorry. Chaeyoungie and Tzuyu have been saying that I’m practically dating you. I totally understand. We- ” Dahyun pauses sadly, “we could meet less often. We could just meet up at coffee shops like we did before? For an hour? Half an hour? Or did - or did you want to stop?”
Dahyun is good and smart and kind and wonderful and thoughtful, but she is also the most dense person in the world. Mina held a hand over her mouth in shock.
Mina let her hands fall to her sides and she steps closer to Dahyun. Dahyun gulps.
“Dahyunnie,” Mina says, strained, “please do not be offended at what I’m about to say, but if I’m not blunt you will never understand what I’ve been trying to do this whole time,” Dahyun gives her a small, uncertain nod, “you are the dumbest, most dense person I have ever met.”
At this Dahyun squawks indignantly, but Mina holds a hand up and continues. Dahyun quiets but still looks annoyed.
“I am trying to flirt with you,” Mina says, meeting Dahyun’s eyes, holding her stare boldly. Dahyun’s gaping at her, and she’s opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish, eyes as round as saucers. Mina trudges on bravely.
“I’ve been trying to flirt with you. Seduce you. Romance you. For the last three years; ever since I brought up gardening club,” Mina waves her hands wildly at the whole room, “I bought this apartment to be in your city. I moved back here, back to Korea, for you.”
“I invite you over to my apartment that I’ve bought in Korea, so I can cook for you in a place that was central and comfortable for both of us because I am trying to flirt with you. I feed you wine and chocolate and watch movies and you have a set of drawers and a toothbrush in MY bedroom because I’m trying to flirt with you. I’ve taken you to museums and art galleries and libraries and vineyards and cafés and restaurants and open houses because I’m trying to flirt with you.”
Mina runs a hand through her hair, completely mussing it before sighing heavily.
“I thought you just needed some time to get over me leaving without warning back when we had just disbanded. I-I thought-I thought that if I was patient and gave you space and time and effort, you’d understand why I had to leave when I did. I-I never want to hurt you like I did when I left. I never want to hurt you. Ever. I wanted to show you that I’m here to stay. T-that’s what the last three years was about. And that was fine, I would wait for you forever,” Mina swallows a pained grimace. “It didn’t occur to me that you hadn’t known I was flirting with you this whole time.”
Mina needed a second glass of wine. No. She needed a bottle. Perhaps two. Possibly an entire winery. Maybe she’d buy a vineyard while she was at it. She’d move to Italy and have a countryside villa and she’d eat olives and have handmade pasta paired with the wine from her vineyard.
Dahyun’s eyes were so wide, she looked like a cartoon character.
“Wait - you - you - you - what?- ” Dahyun finally chokes out. “You were flirting with me?”
“I’ve been flirting with you for the past three years, thank you for finally noticing,” Mina grumbles in a flat, long-suffering tone, briefly entertaining the thought of spelling it out in a letter. Dearest Dahyun, you are the object of my deepest, fondest affections and I am attracted to you and only you as a romantic partner, also known as a girlfriend. And perhaps, if this piques your interest in the slightest, would you allow me, Myoui Mina, to escort you on a date? You might be unaware of what a date is. A date is an romantic activity that will hopefully result in marriage. Marriage? Marriage is- No. Mina could not have been more obvious. She’d probably confessed over a dozen times and if Dahyun continued to not understand, Mina would need to go buy an empty plot at a cemetery and bury herself in it.
“How was I supposed to know you were flirting with me?” Dahyun said, voice rising shrilly.
Mina stares at her, jaw dropped, completely stunned.
“What the hell did you think was happening?!” Mina says, tensely.
“I don’t know,” Dahyun said, voice wobbling slightly. She set her wine glass down on the marble counter top and toyed with her hoodie sleeves, finally tapping them against the sides of her legs, words still out of reach. “Normally people try to hold my hand, or-or try to kiss me after dinner or ask me on dates and we wear nice clothes. They don’t start gardening clubs or invite me over and cook me dinner before movie nights and buy apartments so I can leave my toothbrush in the spare bedroom where I sleep when it’s too late to go home!” Dahyun throws her head back to stare up at the intricate patter on the ceiling. “How was I supposed to guess you like me? You could be doing this with all your friends for all I know!”
Mina blinks at her, eyes hard, sweaty hands shaking at her sides. She wipes them on on her jeans hastily, frustrated.
“Yes, Dahyunnie,” she spits, “on Tuesday nights, I have Jeongyeonnie over for my other gardening club. We discuss the importance of organic tomatoes versus store bought and then we waltz in the kitchen while cooking dinner and I hand feed her grapes and chocolate too,” Mina says, unable to stop the sarcasm that coated her voice, “and then on the weekends I don’t spend with you, I take Jihyo to vineyards and art galleries and we hold hands after horseback riding into the sunset.”
Dahyun’s bright red now, ducking her head behind her shaking hands.
“I-I’m not - I’m not good at noticing when people flirt with me,” Dahyun says in a very small, very shy voice. “I never know when people are flirting.”
“Yes. I’ve realised that now,” Mina tells her, thinking on how she’d never explicitly stated their outings were dates or indicated any level above pointed romantic interest because Dahyun was skittish like a deer. Avoiding pressure was key. Any sudden movements and she’d be off like a shot. So Mina timed her moves like push and pull, as carefully and precisely as possible. And now they were stuck in an odd arrangement where they were in a relationship but also not in a relationship because what friends do this together. And now this was their dynamic.
When she left to go to back to Japan without telling anyone, she didn’t think about how it would affect Dahyun. And how stupid she was for leaving her heart behind. So she’d come back. And Dahyun had been so willing and eager to come to all the things Mina had suggested, even gone along with gardening club and movie nights. Held her hand sometimes when they went out. Woke up most nights from their sleepovers with Dahyun latched to her front like a vice.
But Dahyun had never even realised…
“So,” Mina says, and swallows around the now uncomfortably large lump forming in her throat, almost choking her, “just so we’re clear on both sides. Since tonight is all about being clear now. Apparently. I’m going to take it that you’re not interested,” Mina says inelegantly, mentally checking the list of things she’d need to do after tonight was over. One: get drunk. Two: stay drunk. Three: sell the apartment. Four: move to Italy. Five: stay in Italy.
“I’m interested.”
It’s Mina’s turn to blink and stare with eyes wide as saucers now.
“What?”
“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around you being interested in me like this. When I’ve been yours since the day we met,” Dahyun says plainly, her cheeks reddening with every word she spoke, hands fiddling with the hem of her apron, “but, I-I’m interested. If-if-if you’re still interested. I want to flirt back with you now that I know what you’ve been trying to do,” then looking apologetic. “But, maybe not tonight. I-I’m still - I think I might be going into shock. Maybe next week? We could try next week? Now that I know?”
There is a loud roaring in Mina’s ears and she stares dazedly at Dahyun. Dahyun gives her a tiny, cautious smile.
“Next week?” Mina hears herself say dumbly.
“Does-does that work? Crap I’m so sorry, you must be busy,” Dahyun is now saying mournfully, “um, we can - how about - ”
“Next week is perfect.”
Dahyun looks shyly up at Mina. “Next week then.”
“I’ll cook. In my apartment. For you,” Mina finds herself saying, “next week? I’ll cook for you? For flirting?”
Mina shuts her eyes for a long second, feeling the back of her neck go hot.
“Perfect.” Dahyun is nodding her head, cheeks still bright pink. “I will- I’ll look forward to it. I’ll-I’ll look forward to your flirting,” then hastily adding, eyes going wide again with embarrassment, “I’ll look forward to your cooking. I’ll see you then. I-I think I need to go.”
Dahyun sets her wine glass down carefully and Mina hears the door click closed a few moments later.
Mina stands in the middle of her now empty kitchen, trying to process the fact that she’d been flirting with Dahyun like hell for the last three years of her life and somehow she never noticed.
She burns the fish.
…
The next day at work, Dahyun receives a bouquet of peonies and carnations in the most beautiful pale pinks. The heavy stock card was an ivory, creamy white with elaborate gold calligraphy lettering her name across it, it felt smooth under her fingertips. As soon she opened the envelope, a burst of light perfume filled the air. Dahyun sniffed around curiously and her ears went hot when she realised the scent was Mina’s perfume. She pulled the thin letter out from inside it and it read:
YOU ARE WARMLY INVITED TO A FLIRTATION
Please come to dinner on Friday night. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be flirted with in.
...
Dahyun does not use her spare key like she normally does that Friday night. Instead, there were three cautious knocks on Mina’s front door at precisely six o’clock. Mina steels herself for a moment.
She swings the door open. And there Dahyun was.
Dahyun had clearly gone back to her own home to change out of her work attire. Her hair was done so it rested in a blonde waterfall cresting over slender shoulders, the lightest dusting of make-up that Mina knew had to have taken a long time. She was wearing a lipstick that stained her lips a deep red, dangly, straight, gold bar earrings and a necklace Mina had gifted her last Christmas. She was wrapped up in a heavy black wool coat, finishing with black stiletto heels, a red bottom peeking out. Dahyun shivered involuntarily when she noticed how intensely Mina was staring.
Mina held the door open and Dahyun stepped inside. The night already so much more different than their previous ones. Mina felt warm all over. The nerves suddenly returning. Butterflies filling her stomach.
Dahyun darted inside, then turned and stared at Mina, awkwardness hanging heavily between them. Mina’s hand came up to Dahyun’s coat and Dahyun blushed as she scrambled to shrug it off her shoulders.
Mina’s throat went dry when Dahyun shed the heavy material to reveal a dress that hung like it was made of water, swishing with every move Dahyun made. Mina blinked. It was a backless white thing looked like the kind dress would pool at her feet if she were to slip the tiny, tiny straps over her shoulders.
“Well,” Dahyun says loudly, breaking the stiff silence, “here I am.”
Mina stared. And then blinked at her. And gave Dahyun her best smile. And Dahyun, for once in all of those three years, stumbled over her feet. And Mina catches her.
Tonight would go well, Mina thinks as she hangs up Dahyun’s coat on the rack.
…
And it does.