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“...Anyway, what was it, two hundred tons of contraband?” Zorri Bliss laughed and poured herself more hooch. “That was quite a ride, Dameron.”
“It was.” Poe took an obligatory sip from his own cup and tried to ignore the blatant stares of Snap and Jess. Karé at least had the decency not to glare at him while Zorri Bliss shared increasingly lurid tales of his seven weeks ( seven weeks! ) as a smuggler.
If Finn was concerned about the knowledge of Poe’s past, he didn’t seem to show it - in fact, he seemed the most at ease out of any of them, other than his eyes darting over Poe’s shoulder now and then as Zorri’s men paced around the campsite.
Rey hadn’t looked at him once since Zorri started talking; she didn’t seem like she was listening at all, but then again, she had a knack for taking in everything around her while looking cool as a calarantrum. He wanted to know what she was thinking. He didn’t want to know what she was thinking.
He wanted to get the hell away from this campsite, this trading post, this planet.
They’d only found themselves at this godsforsaken trading post after their First Order mole informed them that the infamous smuggler sitting next to him might have knowledge of the location of the Sith wayfinder Organa had been so determined to find.
And with Organa gone...well, he wasn’t about to ignore her last request.
It didn’t make this any easier.
“Dameron once shot down two New Republic police speeders,” Zorri crowed, giggling and elbowing him. “The looks on their faces.”
My father was dying, he wanted to tell the people seated around the circle, the people he cared about, Kes was sick, and we needed the money, and I was a good pilot. She found me at the market when I was trying to sell koyo. She said she needed a pilot, and it was nice that I was so pretty to boot. I thought I was just going to be her pilot. He was dying.
He didn’t say anything.
“I can only imagine,” Snap gritted out. He hadn’t taken Bliss up on her offer of a drink; Poe didn’t blame him. Who knew what she put in her brew - but, he hadn’t wanted to insult their hostess, not after how he’d left things.
“Oh, but those were good times.” Zorri smiled, her smile just as pretty, just as sweet as he remembered; her eyes glittered in the campfire, darker than a Karkarodon’s. Her teeth, upon closer inspection, were just as sharp. “Weren’t they, sweetie?”
He tensed and nodded even as she put a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, Zorri. Great times.”
“Hmm.” She tapped her fingers on his shoulder with more force than it would appear from an outside perspective. “I did miss you after you left.”
After I stole three hundred credits and booked it? After you shot that merchant in front of me? After I screamed bloody murder, after you had your men hold me down when I threatened to go to the cops, after you let them torture me - I was twenty, godsdamnit, twenty years old, and you shot a man in front of me and asked me not to do anything about it, and were surprised when I said no -
“Y’know.” Poe shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant but feeling the decade-old anger rising in him. “Needed a change of scenery.”
“I’m sure.” Zorri sighed and shifted on the seat next to him, her hand going to her side.
He saw Rey’s hand go to her lightsaber, the metal of it glinting in the firelight. Pava noticed it too, and her own hand went to her blaster.
Zorri pulled out a t’bac pipe. “Got a light, sweetie?”
Poe shifted in his pocket for his Resistance-issued lighter - across the circle, Pava dropped her hand back to her lap and relaxed.
Rey didn’t.
As he fumbled with the lighter for Zorri’s t’bac pipe, Poe tried not to think about the moment on the Falcon two days ago, when he and Rey had bumped into each other as he was leaving the ‘fresher and she was racing to the cockpit to tell Chewie to change course: he tried not to think about how her freckles looked when she blushed, tried not to think about her calloused but soft hand on his arm as she moved to go around him, tried not to think about how he could still feel the imprint of her hand if he closed his eyes — he tried not to think about that moment, or any of the countless moments they’d had in the last year, butting heads in the mechanic bay, fixing BB-8, racing through the jungle, laughing over holovids, hands bumping against each other in the mess — he tried not to think about it here because here was not good, and those memories were good, and Rey was good, and pure, and untouched by anything he might have done in his past life, and —
Zorri was not done with him. Of course she wasn’t. Some predators liked to play with their food.
“But we had so much fun before that point. You were so pretty then.” Zorri inhaled as peacefully as her name suggested after he lit the t’bac, and leaned back. She blew the smoke out with her eyes closed, and Poe’s eyes burned, his throat too, but he didn’t budge. “Still pretty, though, aren’t you?”
“If you say so.”
“I don’t see how Commander Dameron’s looks have anything to do with the Wayfinder,” Rey snapped. Her hand was still on her saber, but her glare felt sharper than any blade she could have wielded. Poe smiled at her, a half-one that Zorri couldn’t see all of, trying to tell her it was okay, but Rey didn’t take her eyes off the smuggler, distrust rolling off of the slender Jedi in potent waves.
Zorri stopped talking. Stopped smiling. Smoke curled out of her nose as she breathed out, slowly.
Poe swallowed and thought about the blaster on his right side. He’d seen Zorri Bliss look at people that way before.
Then, the moment passed.
“They don’t.” Zorri’s hand returned to his shoulder, smoothing over his jacket as though she were removing an invisible fleck of dust. “Forgive me, little Jedi. I’m just reminiscing about a happier time, when your friend and I shared … well, we shared everything, didn’t we, Poe-y?”
“Maybe not everything,” he muttered, his face erupting into a blush.
When he glanced up, as Zorri laughed, even the bold, fearless Jessika Pava was blushing - she was like a little sister to him, and he didn’t want her hearing about this anymore than she wanted to hear it.
Finn offered him a sheepish grin that also read as you good, buddy? He nodded minutely at him.
And Rey didn’t look at him.
Please don’t listen, he wanted to beg her, please tell me you have a Jedi emergency. Right now. Like a big one. Please. Say you have to leave.
Rey didn’t look at him; but, she scowled at Bliss.
“Felt like everything,” Zorri crooned. She rested her chin on his shoulder, and he tensed again. “We were so close back then. Close as two people can be. You know about that, little Jedi?” She turned her head to smile at Rey, resting her temple on Poe’s shoulder. “They teach you about sex at Jedi school?”
“I didn’t go to Jedi school,” Rey said, oddly calm now. She folded her leg so her foot was underneath her, and stared into the fire. “All the Jedi are dead.”
Zorri released a sharp snort. “Fair enough. But - oh, Poe, you said the prettiest things to me back then.”
Maybe I died, Poe thought bleakly, maybe I’m dead and I’m being punished for all eternity with this.
“They were very sweet. A girl doesn’t hear things like that very often, especially not from strong, handsome farm boys who can—”
“—I was twenty, Zorri.” Poe stared into the bottom of his tankard, ears burning. “And stupid.”
“Aw.” Zorri draped her arm over the back of his chair and smirked over the fire at Jess and Rey. “Heck, I guess everyone’s pretty stupid at twenty.”
“Zorri.” Poe bit the syllables of her name out, a warning, as he shot an apologetic look over to the youngest member of the group.
Across the circle, Rey leaned into Jessika’s side and avoided his gaze, still staring at the fire.
“Bliss, when do you plan on telling us about the Wayfinder?” Finn spoke up, his vowels confident, voice strong. Everyone looked over to him, even Rey. “Not that I don’t appreciate your memories, but the longer we stay here, the more time the First Order might have to find us, which would put you and your friends in danger.”
“A businessman, hm?” Zorri tilted her head and smiled at Finn, and Poe was surprised to see it the most genuine smile of the night. “I suppose you’re right.” she shrugged and stood suddenly, the air cold against Poe’s shoulder as her weight disappeared from the seat next to him. “I’ll take the big one, the furry one, and you, show you what I have.”
“Chewbacca’s back at the ship,” Finn pointed out, not standing, but assessing Zorri carefully.
“I guess we’ll have to go get him, then.” Zorri strode off toward the Falcon, quick and lithe and dangerous. “Come along.”
“Gee, this is a lot of fun,” Finn grumbled, standing and setting his tankard down. “Your friends are really fun, Dameron.”
“She isn’t a friend,” Poe muttered, ears still burning.
Snap followed Finn to the Falcon, leaving Karé, Jess, and Rey sitting at the fire with Poe. Poe looked over to Rey, beseeching without knowing what he was asking for, his mouth open in a half-formed apology, but she stood without warning.
“I have to—” she gestured blankly into the darkness behind her and strode off, her shoulders tense.
Poe dropped his head into his hands and breathed out steadily.
The next thing he was aware of was Karé coming to sit next to him, and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he tried to get a grip on his anger and embarrassment.
“That could have gone better,” she supplied cheerfully a few minutes into his pity party.
“You don’t say.” Poe snorted despite his self-loathing and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“On a scale of one to Ovanis, I’d say that was probably … closer to one.”
“Thanks.” He groaned and sat up, glad for the support of Karé’s weight against him. “You always did know how to cheer me up, Kun.”
“I try.” Her dry voice made him a crack a smile. He noticed that they were the only two around the fire now - Testor had probably gone to check on those who’d followed Zorri to her information.
He could only hope it was good information.
“The sooner we get out of here the better,” Poe muttered, and Karé gave a noise of agreement.
“I’d say we’ll be wheels up in less than an hour.” Karé pulled her arm away and poked him in the side, earning a yelp and a swat in her general direction. “So you’d better go make things right with your Jedi.”
“With my —” Poe’s voice cracked like it did when he was nothing but a farmboy. “She isn’t my —”
“Spare me, Black Leader.” Karé laughed and nudged him again, more viciously this time. “The way you two look at each other— I keep trying to get Snap in the sack after we spend time with you two because I swear it’s making me more fertile.”
“Kriffing hell.” Poe’s face was on fire now, he was sure of it.
Karé, ever ruthless, jabbed him again. “Go. Talk to her. Make it clear you aren’t some sadsack who jumps in bed with every villain we encounter.”
“Karé…”
“Now.” She sat back and kicked at him with her foot.
“Bossy.” Poe stood anyway and smiled at her fondly through the sudden burst of nerves in his gut, more nerves than he’d felt during his first test run of an X-Wing.
“You love me.”
“That I do.” He tossed a lazy salute her way, and she returned the gesture before he turned and headed in the direction Rey had gone.
He went maybe six hundred yards, muttering practice explanations to himself with increasing anxiety, when he heard the voices coming from behind an outcrop of scrap.
He recognized Jess’s voice as he slowed to a stop: “...the commander isn’t like that, I swear. Whatever that woman was saying, he’s … he’s a really good man.”
“I know he’s a good man, Jess.” Poe swallowed and put his hand on the piece of metal, wondering if Rey knew he was listening, if it was inspiring her to say such a lie. He wasn’t a good man - how could she think that, after she heard what he had - “He’s one of the best men I’ve ever known.”
“Yeah.” He could practically hear Jess shifting from foot to foot. She’d never been a fan of heart-to-hearts, so he was surprised she was leading one right now, surprised and pleased and embarrassed and everything in between. “And … and I know he hasn’t seen that woman in years, so there’s nothing … uh, untoward happening between them, ya know? Like. Not anymore.”
“I don’t care about that.”
Poe wilted, winced, and then fought the urge to kick himself.
Do I want her to care? It’s good that she doesn’t care. But, I mean, her caring means she cares … in general ... about … my sex life … oh, you’re so karked -
“No?”
“No.” Rey sounded softly amused, but also tired. “I don’t care about Poe’s past, Jess. I don’t. He isn’t his past, and I’m not mine, and you aren’t yours.” Jess was silent. “I know you still worry about it. And you’re a good person, too.”
“You doin’ some kind of Jedi mind trick on me?”
“Not quite. More of - I can tell it’s important to you, how I feel about Poe’s past. How people feel about yours. And it doesn’t matter. None of our pasts matter, not if we use them to help people now.”
“You’re pretty smart, Jedi.”
“Guess I didn’t have to go to school after all,” Rey laughed then, warm and genuine, and Jess joined in.
“So you’re okay with Poe having a past.” Jess’s tone suggested the sort of teasing that had gotten her demerits, and Poe tensed quickly. “Does that mean you’re at all thinking about his future?”
“I…” Rey trailed off, sounding unsure now, and Jess giggled. “Oh, stop it. No, no, I - I want him to have one, and I-”
“Wanna be in it ?”
That was it. Poe had to put a stop to this, but Rey giggled again - not a sound he often heard from her, not as often as he should, and it was pretty enough to freeze him in his tracks, again.
“If we survive this,” Rey said quietly, and Jess sobered up quickly. “If we survive this, then I’ll think about the future. But for right now, all I know is I care about Poe Dameron, and nothing a two-bit smuggler says could change that.”
“Aww.” Jess erupted into giggles again, with Rey shushing her and laughing too, shy and quiet, and soft enough to make Poe’s heart ache.
His cheeks hurt as he walked back to the campsite in the darkness, lit up with a growing feeling of hope, a feeling that had been thin on the ground since Leia had passed.
He was still smiling when Jess and Rey returned, arms linked together - Rey looking bashfully pleased as she always did with the easy camaraderie his squadron showed her, and he felt the typical rush of affection for them, for their kindness to a young woman who’d had so little experience with kindness - and it was right around then that Finn and the rest returned to the campsite.
“We can head out now,” Finn was saying to Zorri. He nodded at Poe firmly, reassuringly, and waved a device, a metal drive that flashed in the firelight. “We have what we need.”
“Remember my kindness, little rebels.” Zorri placed her helmet on her head and waggled her fingers at Poe. “Because I know I will.”
Poe barely managed a nod at her, and stalked towards the Falcon with the squadron at his heels. He didn’t turn around to see if Chewie, Finn, and Rey followed too, worried that Rey would see him smiling and ask why he looked so foolish suddenly, and it wasn’t until he sank into the co-pilot’s chair that he saw her again.
“Glad to be leaving?” Rey asked as she primed the engines. He stared at her in the glow of the dashboard’s lights, her brows drawn in concentration as she flicked the switches and the Falcon hummed to life around them. She looked over at him, frowning slighly, and he remembered he had to respond.
“Yeah.”
She nodded, seemingly accepting that answer. “Falcon and Black Leader to Black Two. We’re ready for takeoff.”
“ Black Two to Falcon and Black Leader. Black Squadron is a go. ”
“See you soon,” Poe said, reaching for the thrusters at the same time Rey did, the two not having to look at each other to be in sync.
Their pinkies brushed as they gripped the controls, and Poe’s ears heated for what felt like the hundredth time that night. She didn’t pull away. He didn’t either.
They didn’t speak until Hyperspace blurred around them, leaving behind that desolate rock and all the desolate people who inhabited it.
“About all that,” he said, voice hoarser than he anticipated; he winced and cleared his throat, but Rey beat him to the punch.
“There’s nothing to explain.” She smiled at him, the blue light casting an ethereal light on her lovely face.
It was a sight he never got used to - and used to be, he felt that way about Hyperspace, about the stars in the galaxy fading to a dull roar around him, used to be that he thought there would be nothing to compare to the sight of all the stars in the galaxy streaking around him. Used to be. Then he met Rey.
“There’s plenty to explain.”
“Your past is your past.” Rey fiddled with the calculations in front of her and shrugged without looking at him, her expression shy.
“Maybe it’s not my past I want to explain.” Poe reached across the cockpit carefully and rested his hand on her armrest, close enough to her that it caught her attention.
She looked over at him slowly, still lovely in the soft rush of Hyperspace. He looked back at her steadily, willing her to understand him.
“Maybe it’s the future.”
“Oh?” Rey tilted her head and considered that, the blush on her cheeks a purplish tint in the blue light. “I could … I could listen to that, I suppose.”
“Yeah?” The hope flared painful bright in his stomach, the brightest it ever had in a lifetime of luck and optimism.
“Yeah. I have some time.” Rey leaned back in her seat and curled her legs up to her chest, waiting for him, a luxury he didn’t think he’d ever take for granted.
Poe took another chance - always another chance with him, he knew, but he couldn’t help it, not this time - and stretched his arm out further, his fingers extending past the armrest, to the point where the gesture couldn’t be misunderstood.
With a moment of hesitation but not a single word, Rey took his hand. He stroked his thumb over her knuckles once, twice, and started to talk. Not about the past, but about the future.
The only one that mattered.