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Once, when Alec was really young, he got a bad strain of the flu. He remembers waking up from fever dreams and not feeling like anything around him was real. If he moved his head too fast off of his pillow, his head spun with vertigo. Even when he was asleep, it was fitful, momentary lapses of peaceful sleeping between dreams upon dreams. He had been sick for a week, and he hated every second of it.
All Alec can sense around him now is a bright light. His eyes aren't opened but the he can see the light through his eyelids. He tries to summon any useful thought, any memory of where he was. All he can remember is the Owl, and a sharp pain in his chest, and the nasty voice of the demon wearing his brother's face.
He must be in heaven then, he muses, or wherever he was bound to end up after death. He was stabbed, probably through the heart, and bled out. The light he was seeing was something ethereal. He didn't want to open his eyes, just in case.
His curiosity won out in the end, as it so often did with Alec. He blinked his eyes open and saw a blurry ceiling. He blinked a few more times to adjust his eyes. He heard the faint beeping of a heart monitor machine, saw the tiles above him.
Not dead then, but in the infirmary for sure.
He moves to sit up and his head spins, his vision shifts. Its so unsettling he has to stop, and brings a hand to the bridge of his nose to center himself. It's quiet, almost eerie, and Alec can see the bright light he was seeing was coming from the hallway, while the room itself was fairly dark. It must be night then, he figured, but couldn't be sure.
Once his vertigo supsided he started to slowly move his head, to look around the room. Everything was ordinary, nothing out of place. His chest was stiff, and one of his hands was in a light cast. But he was alive. Looking to the other side of the room, he saw something that made his heart flutter with several emotions.
Magnus. Slumped in an uncomfortable armchair. His hair was flat and his face was clean of makeup. He was wearing a pair of Alec's old sweatpants he had forgotten that he owned, and a plain shirt. It was the most ordinary he had ever seen his boyfriend. Even though he was asleep, he looked exhausted in a way that made Alec unnerved.
"Magnus?" He spoke, but it was barely audible. He realized then how dry his throat was. He swallowed, and tried again, "Magnus?"
This was loud enough, Magnus slowly opened his eyes, and looked up to the source of the noise. When he saw Alec staring back at him, he bolted upright in his chair. "Alexander," he sighed out a breath he must have been holding for a long time, Alec guessed.
"Hi," he greeted simple, "Do you- Is there- Water?" He asked before anything else.
"Yes," Magnus got out of his seat and went to the sink in the corner, filling a paper cup with water.
Alec had expected him to summon it, and was almost confused when Magnus started moving. Nevertheless he accpeted the cup that was offered to him, and drank the whole thing very slowly. "What happened? Is Jace okay? Are you okay?" Alec asked instantly afterwards.
"Jace is recovering," Magnus told him, "But he's alright. The Owl is gone, Lilith is gone."
"Did your dad help?" Alec asks skeptically.
"You could say that," Magnus said in a way that Alec knew he wasn't telling the whole truth.
"What aren't you telling me?" Alec asked.
"Lilith was in the apartment with Clary and Simon. Jace didn't get there on time, but it was all blasted with the mark of Caine. And Clary, she," Magnus takes a shaky breath, "She didn't make it."
"No," Alec breathed out in shock. He had always been so sure Clary was unbreakable, he had never told her, but she was stronger than he ever thought she would be. The idea that she was dead sounded like a bad joke. "Jace must be-"
"He's not doing the best," Magnus told him honestly, "Izzy has been staying with him, taking care of him, but he's beside himself from what she's told me."
"Have you seen him?" Alec asked, sudden worry for his parabatai flooding him, the loss of Clary still unbelievable.
"No," Magnus said, "I've been here with you. You've been unconscious for almost 2 days."
Alec thinks of this, 2 days, he had been unconscious 2 days. It seemed like some alternate reality. He's quiet for a moment, then remembers the state of his injury. "Thank you for staying," he tells Magnus, "Thank you for healing me."
"Catarina healed you actually," Magnus said this with the same murky clarity his voice held earlier. When Alec shot him a look of confusion, "I uh, I gave up my magic to stop the Owl."
"What!" Alec cried out, sitting up quickly and regretting it. He has to blink his eyes rapidly to clear to spots of black, but once they are gone he fixes Magnus with a look of bewilderment, "What do you mean Magnus, why would you do that?"
Magnus sat back in his chair, he seemed to crumple, "It was the only way. I don't want to talk about it right now Alexander. I've already lost so much."
Alec feels guilt run through him at this though he is sure that Magnus didn't mean for it to make him feel this way. "Magnus, I-"
"It's quite hard to scrub blood out from under your fingernails with a sponge," Magnus interrupted, "I didn't know that before." He looks up and meets Alec's gaze, "I thought I was watching you die, Alexander. I've never felt more powerless."
Alec doesn't say anything at this, not being able to imagine the pain of that. He remembers Magnus kneeling over him, can scarcely feel the tug of fingers through his hair. "Are you okay?" He asks.
"I've been better," Magnus tells him truthfully. "I'm tired. I'm scared."
Alec pushes himself to the edge of his bed, and reaches a non injured arm out to Magnus, "Come here."
"You're hurt," Magnus insists shaking his head.
"So are you," Alec says calmly, surprising Magnus with the sincerity behind it. "Come here."
At this, Magnus does move, carefully laying himself out next to Alec, careful not to lay on his chest or touch his arm. Once he's settled Alec pulls him closer, until his head is almost buried in Alec's shoulder. "I love you Alexander."
"I love you too, Magnus," Alec places a kiss into Magnus' hair.
"I realized when you were lying on the concrete that I don't say it enough," Magnus tells him.
"You tell me everyday," Alec reassures him, "That's plenty."
"It's not," Magnus says simply.
Alec doesn't ask him to elaborate. He knows what Magnus means, understands him. His own first admission of love had happened in a similar context. Alec understands the worry of losing someone forever, understands the frantic need to make every word count.
"You smell," Magnus tells him, hoping to lighten the situation.
"You can give me a sponge bath later," Alec shoots back, playfulness in his tone.
"Deal," Magnus hums.