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“I'm seeing someone.”
Martyn looked up from his plate of egg and chips. Phil was looking down at his own meal, but he was smiling as he spoke, and as Martyn looked at him Phil met his eyes, almost shy.
“Oh?” he said, raising a curious eyebrow.
Phil didn't generally volunteer details about his love life. He was vague and non-committal when asked, mentioning average dates and sputtered-out, brief “stuff” that had happened at uni. He'd texted Martyn full of bubbling-over nerves before dates a couple of times, none of which had seemed to go anywhere, but he'd never mentioned anyone specific to his family.
But Phil had seemed happier during his current visit, even if he had spent most of it so far asleep. Martyn had wondered why Phil had emerged from the spare room and suddenly wanted to cook him lunch.
“Yeah,” said Phil. “So - yeah. I just. Yeah. I am. So - I wanted to tell you.” He went quiet.
“I'm glad,” said Martyn. This wasn't the first time that Phil had brought up a topic and then refused to elaborate on it any further until Martyn asked him questions about it.
“So - how long have you been seeing - um - “
“Dan,” said Phil eagerly.
“Oh, the guy who came to stay with you?”
“Yeah.”
“While Mum and Dad were away?”
Phil looked back at his chips, still smiling.
“...Yeah.”
“Wow,” said Martyn, smile widening to match Phil's. “And here I thought you two were just making videos.”
“We did make a video!” said Phil, his voice high.
“Among other things.”
“Oi!” said Phil, pushing at his shoulder. “This is serious.”
“Just messing with you,” said Martyn, pushing him back. “Okay, so, when did this happen?”
“Sort of recently?” said Phil. “I met him about two weeks ago. Wait, a bit less than two weeks. When he came up to Manchester.”
“You only met him two weeks ago?”
“Well, yeah,” said Phil. “But we talked online loads before that, on Skype and stuff. So I already knew him pretty well.”
“Was it weird to meet him?”
“I thought it might be,” said Phil. “But it wasn't really, when he got there. I was so nervous, though.”
“How come?”
“Well. I just, you know.” Phil shrugged. “I really liked him. I wanted it to go well, and - I didn't know if he did too. Like me, I mean.”
“You hadn't talked about it or anything?”
“Sort of? But it's different talking to someone over MSN or whatever and then when they’re actually standing in front of you.”
“But he does like you.”
“Uh, well.” Phil had gone an adorable shade of pink. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“So you asked him out?”
“No … sort of ... I mean, we haven’t officially said the actual words yet, though I don’t know if we need to … I reckon we will, soon. If he wants to, of course.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah. Definitely.”
Martyn was touched by the certainty in Phil’s voice.
“What?” said Phil, noticing his expression.
“Nothing,” said Martyn, spearing another chip. “It’s just - you’ve not talked about anyone else you’ve been out with like that before.”
“Well, it’s - I would have mentioned it before, but I felt weirdly like I’d sort of jinx it, if I talked about it too much before we met? Like, somehow I’d make it not happen and he wouldn’t be able to come.” He pushed a bit of egg around his plate.
“And also - I mean, I already knew I liked him, but I just wanted to make sure the trip went well, and see if we clicked in real life. Which I thought we would, but - you never know.” He smiled even wider. “It almost seemed too good to be true; I kept thinking something terrible would pop up, like he was secretly a serial killer, or -”
“Or…”
Phil’s smile faded a little.
“A friend sent me a message saying Dan just wanted to get on YouTube and wanted me to promote his videos, and that’s why he was chatting me up.” He frowned. “Which I knew was rubbish because we’d already been talking for ages before Dan even started YouTube, and we mostly talk about other stuff anyway. Like, before we met, we talked for hours and hours every day, and we hardly ever talked about YouTube.” He said all of this very fast.
“Sounds like this friend might be jealous,” said Martyn, taking a sip of his tea.
“I mean, maybe,” said Phil. “But anyway, I just wanted to see Dan and like, be sure sure. You know?”
“Yeah,” said Martyn, who wasn’t sure he did. “So I take it you guys had a good time?”
“It was brilliant,” said Phil, resting his elbows on the table. “It felt like I’d known him for a long time, even though we just met that day. We talked about loads of stuff, and we just laughed a lot, and he likes all the same stuff I like, and - it was just really great. The three days felt like three hours.”
“Aw.”
“Sorry, I know it's a bit ... you probably don't want to hear all the gory details.”
“Of course I do,” said Martyn, who was still slightly shellshocked this conversation was happening at all. “Tell me whatever sappy stuff you want.”
“Well, I mean - it’s still really early days,” said Phil. “But I saw him again yesterday and we had the best time. We always do. When we’re on Skype sometimes we don’t even talk, we just do stuff at the same time, like I’ll be working and he’ll be filling out his uni forms, or playing a game, or whatever. It’s just - nice. Having someone there.”
“He was at the party?” said Martyn. “Why didn't you bring him back here? Or - would that have been too weird?”
“No, I wanted to, but he had work today.”
“Oh, that’s a shame,” said Martyn. “What does he do?”
“Oh, he just works at Asda at the moment,” said Phil. “He's on a gap year.”
“A gap year? How old is he?”
“He’s eighteen.”
“Oh. Okay.”
He didn't elaborate, but Phil must have picked up on his tone, because he rolled his eyes.
“He’s finished school, you know. He’s going to uni next year.”
“No, it’s fine - I don’t reckon four years is that much, anyway. Obviously he doesn’t mind.”
“No. I mean, he calls me grandad sometimes when I talk about some of the games we used to play in the nineties, but otherwise no.”
“Where’s he going to uni?”
“We don't know yet. He really liked Manchester, though. He might apply there.”
“That’d be handy.”
“I know! It’d be amazing. He says he isn’t good enough to get in there, but I think he’s underestimating himself. He does that a lot.”
“What’s he gonna be studying?”
“Law.”
“Oh. Wow.”
“I know. He’s really clever.”
Martyn bit back a smile at the obvious pride in Phil’s voice.
“So what did he dress up as last night? Was he a cat too?”
“No, he was a bear. I have a picture, if - ?” He tailed off.
“Yeah, show me,” said Martyn.
Phil pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his photos - how many pictures did he take last night? Martyn wondered, before Phil handed the phone over, his expression carefully neutral.
Martyn grinned at the photo of Phil with his fabric cat ears and drawn-on whiskers. At his side was another tall boy with soft brown eyes, a painted nose and what could generously be called a shirt made of some sort of furry fabric.
Phil scrolled sideways through a few more photos, the two of them surrounded by other oddly-dressed youngsters, pulling strange faces at the camera, Phil and Dan glued to each others’ sides throughout.
“D’you want to see our video?” said Phil suddenly. Martyn looked up at him.
“Yeah, if that’s okay,” he said. “Unless - it’s not a sex tape, is it?”
“Oh my God!” said Phil, collapsing into giggles. “No! It isn’t! We answered some questions from Twitter!”
Martyn laughed too.
“That’s alright then,” he said, winking. “You can fetch my laptop.”
“Fine,” huffed Phil, standing up to retrieve it.
Moments later, the video was ready to go.
“Why is it called that?” said Martyn.
“Oh, it’s a combination of our names. Our YouTube names.”
At Martyn’s confused expression, he continued.
“He’s danisnotonfire.”
“Oh. Er - why?”
“Because it’s funny,” said Phil, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Alright,” said Martyn. “Go ahead,” he said, gesturing to the laptop screen.
The next three-and-a-half minutes were the strangest Martyn had experienced for quite a long time, but he had to admit it was funny. He’d watched quite a lot of Phil’s videos and most of them fell into the ‘weird but endearing’ category, and this was no different.
He didn’t know Dan, but he seemed to fit in well in the video, like he belonged there. He laughed out loud at Dan’s tour of their ‘haunted’ childhood home, and felt a wave of fondness for his little brother as he saw Phil, laughing, rest his head on Dan’s chest.
“I liked that,” he said, as the video ended.
“Did you actually?” said Phil.
“Yeah, it’s funny,” said Martyn. “Are you going to make more together?”
“Probably. Dan’s visiting me this weekend, though I don’t know if we will then.” He closed the laptop lid.
“Actually, that was sort of why I wanted to talk to you about it,” he said. “Mum and Dad’ll be home this time. Do you ... think I should tell them?”
“Do you want to?”
“I - kinda? I don’t know, really. They just think he’s a friend who’s visiting. Maybe that’s easier, for now.”
“You’ll have to be quiet, then. Or they’ll probably figure it out.”
“Hey.”
“Well, I’d just play it by ear,” said Martyn. “And maybe ask Dan what he thinks.”
“We talked about it,” said Phil. “We sort of got to ‘let’s not mention it unless they ask’.”
“But you wanna mention it.”
“I dunno. Maybe. I kind of want to tell everyone I meet. I also don’t want to tell anyone, ever.”
“Well, you told me, and I think it’s great. I’d like to meet him.”
“Yeah?” said Phil, smiling.
“Yeah,” said Martyn. “He sounds a lot more fun than you.”
“Oi,” said Phil, shoving him again.
“You don’t have to rush it, though,” said Martyn. “If you’re both not ready. You’ve got plenty of time.”
“Yeah,” said Phil. “Okay. Maybe this time I’ll just … see how it goes. I’m already bricking it for them to meet him for the first time.”
“You don’t think they’ll like him?”
“Oh, I think they’ll love him,” said Phil. “He can be very polite when he wants to be. He’s funny. And he’ll probably be a smarmy git all weekend to show off. It’s just - they don’t know that he’s - you know.”
“Your boyfriend?”
“...Yeah.”
“Well, maybe if they get to know him first it won’t be such a surprise.”
“Yeah, true,” said Phil. “I guess I should wait and see how things go, anyway. It has only been two weeks. And maybe I imagined it all, anyway... it does feel a lot like it can’t actually be real.”
“Well, you sound happy about it,” said Martyn. “And I’m made up for you if you are.”
“I am,” said Phil, smiling. “Very. Very very.”
He looked at the remains of his cold egg.
“Do you have any cereal?” he asked.
Martyn shot the woman occupying the seat next to him another apologetic smile as his suitcase tipped over again, knocking into her leg. This close to Christmas, the trains were jam-packed - he’d been lucky enough to get a seat, but there’d been no space left on any of the luggage racks for his small case, which was currently vying for space with his long legs.
He hauled it back into his space as best he could, and felt his phone vibrate again. Phil had been texting him updates about the treats their mum had already started making. He was looking forward to Christmas with the family, especially the food - and Phil, aware that he was still hours away, was taking great joy in describing the freshly baked orange sponge and chocolate chip cookies in great detail.
He pulled out his phone to look at the latest message, prepared to be tormented with more delicious bakes, but the newest one made him blink.
Phil: they know by the way. about me and dan
Martyn still hadn’t met Dan in person, but he was about to, as Dan was visiting Phil yet again. The story for their parents, until now, had been that Dan was just helping Phil film a Christmas special for his YouTube channel.
Phil had kept him sporadically updated with brief updates and photos, and had called him earlier in December, sounding pretty tipsy, to tell him he and Dan had talked about it and confirmed they were “actual proper real boyfriends” as he’d put it.
“Martyn,” he’d stage whispered. “Martyn. I love him.”
He’d sounded ecstatically happy about it, and Martyn’s grin had been almost painful.
He replied to Phil’s new message.
Martyn: Oh wow you told them? Nice one, proud of you
Phil: thanks but not really. they asked why he was visiting so much lol
Martyn: Ohhhh dear
Phil: nahh it was ok - i didn’t have to tell them but it was a good time to
Phil: they were a bit surprised obv. but they’re happy for me i think
Phil: they like dan ^_^
Martyn: Good! Looking forward to meeting him later
Phil: can’t believe you haven’t yet! he is looking forward to meeting you too :)
Phil: hope you get here before he eats all the cakes :S
Martyn smiled, and opened his suitcase to dig out his iPod. He suspected what Phil had said wasn’t the full story of what had happened with their parents, but some things you just didn’t talk about over text.
He arrived in Manchester to heavy snow, and the usual pre-Christmas flurry of activity in his parents’ house. He hung up his snowy coat, left his suitcase in the hall for now, hugged his mum and was soon tucking into the orange sponge he’d been dreaming about all day.
“Where’s Phil?” he said, as she put another batch of cookies in the oven.
“They popped out,” she said. “I’m not sure what they’re doing - filming something, I think he said. In this weather!” She took a sip of her tea, grimacing at its coldness, before dumping it in the sink and putting the kettle on again.
“And I’m sure Dan wasn’t wearing a proper coat, he’s going to freeze. They’ve been out ages.”
“How is Dan?” asked Martyn.
“He’s fine, I think - you haven’t met him yet, have you?”
“No, not yet.”
“He’s a nice lad. He and Phil get on like a house on fire.”
“Yeah, I noticed. I liked their video.”
“Well, watch it or they’ll rope you in as well. They made me be in one earlier.”
“What, really?” Martyn couldn’t keep the gleeful grin off his face.
“Yes! I have no idea what it was about, but I had to defeat Dan in some kind of battle.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope.”
“I can’t wait to see that.”
The kettle boiled, and Kath poured her tea before joining Martyn at the table.
“Did you know they were - seeing each other?” she said, brushing cake crumbs from the tablecloth.
Martyn bit back the urge to play dumb and say who?
“Yeah,” he said. “Phil mentioned it.”
He didn’t add at every possible opportunity. His mum nodded.
“I did wonder,” she said. “Dan’s been up here a lot, and he lives so far away. And Phil’s been very - “
“Annoying?” supplied Martyn.
“Cheerful,” she said, swatting him on the arm. “Just smiling a lot more than usual. He was a bit mopey when he came back from university.”
“He probably missed all his mates,” said Martyn.
“I used to tell him off for complaining about being lonely when he spent so much time in his room,” she said. “I didn’t know he actually was meeting people.” She took a sip of tea. “I still don’t get how that all works, to be honest.”
“Seems to have worked out well, though.”
“Yes, just as well! I hope Dan’s parents knew where he was. It’s a long way to go, and then stay over in the home of someone off the internet you’ve never met.” She looked thoughtful. “Perhaps I should call his mum, just so she knows he’s staying somewhere decent and doesn’t worry.”
“I mean,” said Martyn, imagining how mortified Phil - not to mention Dan - would be. “They’re both adults. And Phil said they knew each other really well before they met, from talking online and stuff.”
“That’s true, I suppose,” she said, peering over her shoulder at the cookies in the oven. “But Phil seems quite serious about him, so I thought it might be nice to get in touch. I’d have sent them a Christmas card, if I’d known in time.”
“Did he say that?” said Martyn. “That it’s serious?”
“He did.”
“Wow. That’s big.”
“I know. And he seemed so nervous to tell us.”
“Was Dad alright with it?”
“I think he was a bit surprised,” she said diplomatically. “You know how he can be. But even he’s noticed how much happier Phil’s been recently, and he was just saying this morning what a nice lad Dan seems to be, so I think he’s getting used to the idea.”
Martyn hoped neither of them had used the term getting used to in front of Phil.
“That’s good,” he said.
They both turned at the sound of the front door opening, and stood up from the table. Loud, laughing voices filled the hallway.
“Martyn?” came Phil’s voice, before his head appeared around the door.
“Eyyy!” said Phil, coming into the room still with his coat on, snowflakes rapidly melting in his hair. “You made it!”
He headed over for a hug, but stopped short at the sharp sound of his mother’s voice.
“Coat off,” she said. “And hang it up properly this time so it dries.” She peered around him.
“Dan, love. Are you alright? You must be frozen. Do you want some soup or something?”
Dan appeared from behind Phil, wearing a huge, fluffy hat and mittens with his thin-looking jumper. His nose and cheeks were flushed red with cold, and his dark eyes flickered from Kath to Martyn and back again as he took off his gloves.
“Oh, no, thank you,” he said, smiling. “I’m fine.”
He pulled off his hat, and immediately started rearranging his hair. The motion was so reminiscent of Phil that Martyn had to suppress a laugh.
“Oh, yeah, um. Martyn,” said Phil. “This is Dan. Dan, this is my brother, Martyn.”
Martyn could almost see Phil vibrating with nervous energy as he stepped forward to greet Dan.
“Hi, Dan,” said Martyn, extending his hand.
“Hello!” said Dan brightly, simultaneously giving him a slightly awkward handshake. “Good to meet you.”
“Yeah, same,” said Martyn. “Phil’s told me a lot about you.”
“Oh, God,” laughed Dan. He had a very charming smile. “Nothing bad, I hope.”
“Course not, all good. Well, mostly good.”
They both laughed, Phil looking back and forth between them, his smile wide and proud.
“What did I say about your coat?” said their mum, reappearing in the doorway. Phil’s hands flew to the zipper, and he headed to the hallway to hang it up. He returned moments later, and Dan whispered something into his ear that made Phil poke him in the ribs, giggling.
Once the boys had divested their outerwear, they came back to the kitchen for cakes. Phil finally grabbed Martyn in a brief hug as they all chose their snacks from the spread Kath had laid out.
“Where’s Dad?” said Phil, as the four of them settled around the table.
“Day before Christmas Eve, where’d you think?” said Martyn.
“Doing his Christmas shopping?”
“Exactly,” said their mum. “Typical bloke.”
“What time’s dinner, then?” said Phil.
“You’re asking me that while you’re right in the middle of a slice of cake?” said his mum.
“Well - yeah.”
“Long enough that you three have time for a quick game of Scrabble, if you want.”
“Aren’t you going to join?” said Phil.
“I might later,” she said. “Some of us actually have lots to do, with only one day until Christmas.”
“Okay, sorry,” said Phil. He looked at Dan. “Fancy it?”
“Sure,” Dan smiled back.
The three of them relocated to the lounge with their tea, and set up the game. Despite Phil’s English degree, Dan gave him a good run for his money, and eventually won thanks to Phil’s incredible bad luck with his tiles.
Throughout the game, Phil and Dan kept exchanging fond looks and breaking into giggles over a succession of in-jokes. Martyn almost wanted to go full big brother and make barf noises, but he resisted. He’d tease Phil about how adorable it was later - he felt like Phil would be delighted by that somehow, as much as he’d protest.
Once the game was done, Phil and Dan disappeared off to Phil’s room to carry on working on whatever they’d been filming earlier, and Martyn unpacked his case, adding his presents to the pile under the tree. He noticed one for Dan with a tag in his mum’s handwriting.
He didn’t see them again until dinner, when they emerged from Phil’s room still laughing, talking over each other about the Christmas video Phil was making.
“It’s like, similar to the one Phil made earlier this year, only this one’s even better,” enthused Dan as everyone passed serving dishes to each other. “No one else on YouTube is making anything like it.”
“If it works,” said Phil, letting out a quiet oops as several peas escaped his serving spoon and rolled across the table.
“It will,” said Dan firmly. “It’s gonna be brilliant.”
“Only because you’re helping me so much with it,” said Phil, retrieving the scattered peas. He looked at Martyn. “Dan’s doing a ton of editing stuff on the videos so they can go up in time for Christmas.”
“Yeah, but it was all your idea.”
“Not all, you gave me a ton of ideas for some of the sections. Remember that talk we had about the middle part yesterday? I wouldn’t have thought of doing that.”
“Well, that idea really came from the way you did parts of the space adventure,” said Dan. “I just - expanded it a bit.”
“Well, it’s brilliant.”
“So was the space adventure.”
“Thanks.”
“Will we get a look at this video once it’s finished?” said Phil’s dad.
“Sure!” said Phil. “We could try it out on you, actually, to make sure it works. And you, if you like,” he said, looking back at Martyn.
“Ominous, but sure, I’ll give it a go,” he said.
“What’s it about?” said their mum. Phil and Dan exchanged a look.
“Christmas?” said Phil, before the two of them collapsed into giggles again.
“Honestly, you two are in a world of your own,” said their mum fondly. “Pass the potatoes, please?”
After dinner, they made themselves scarce again, and Martyn settled down with his parents to watch TV.
He woke up hours later, in the same position on the couch with a blanket over him, and the television still playing quietly in the background. Martyn shut it off and stretched, his back cracking. It was late, and his parents had likely long since gone to bed.
He switched off the Christmas tree lights and headed into the hallway, pausing when he heard low voices in the kitchen. One was definitely Phil, and he wondered if the other masculine voice was their dad, and padded down the hallway to say goodnight.
He peered around the kitchen door and saw that it wasn’t his dad but Dan, back to the door, Phil’s long arms draped over his shoulders. Martyn moved away, not wanting to intrude on the moment, but he hadn’t been able to miss the expression of pure happiness on Phil’s face, his eyes heavy-lidded and his smile content as they swayed in place.
He headed to his room, past the photos of himself and Phil as children which lined the walls. Looking at Phil’s young face, he felt a wave of fondness for his baby brother, falling in love for the first time.
But mostly, he was proud - proud of Phil for having the courage to finally have that talk with their mum and dad, for choosing to devote himself to this new relationship despite the distance and his worries, and for finally revealing such a huge part of himself to their parents.
He didn’t know what the future held any more than Phil did, but he did know when Phil was certain about something, and he’d never known him to be more certain about anything. He closed his bedroom door to the sound of their distant laughter echoing up the stairs.