Work Text:
Whole story’s in Kurt’s POV
It all started on a cloudy Friday. I was trying to find a spot to sit in the crowded cafeteria with my sandwiches and homemade chocolate chips cookies in hand. That day, I did not sit in my usual spot by the window with my friends. Since Rachel and Finn were both sick in bed, I decided I should switch things up a bit. I walked to the farthest table in the back of the cafeteria where was sitting Noah.
He usually spent lunchtime with Finn and was alone, I couldn’t let him spend lunch break looking around the gigantic room for a friend. I have had the chance to talk to him a few times before, on the bus and during Glee club, but I never really got the chance to be alone with him. That was a shame because he was a nice guy regardless of what people might have thought about him. He was a little bit of a bad boy, but in his heart, it didn’t take a medical degree to see, he was just like me. A simple guy that had his own strengths and weaknesses, only he wouldn’t let it show when he was hurt, scared or lonely.
“Is this seat taken?”
I asked standing beside him.
“Don’t you have anything better to do?”
He looked up to me.
“Not really... Rachel’s sick and I’m sort of avoiding Blaine right now.”
Earlier that week, Blaine, whom I’d always consider a great friend, revealed he had feelings for me and asked me if I felt it too. I requested a few days to think about it, but time was up and I still couldn’t come up with an answer.
“Why are you avoiding him? Aren’t you two like conjoined twins?”
He asked pulling the chair next to him for me to sit down and turning around so we would be facing each other.
“He said he was in love with me. I can’t face him right now, not until I can give him a real answer on how I feel.”
I said unwrapping my sandwich from the aluminum foil I had put it in the night before.
“You must have seen it coming. The way he looks at you isn’t quite friendly if you ask me.”
He laughed at me as if I had been blind all along.
“I never noticed. I thought we were just friends... nothing more! Turns out we never were to him.”
I was hurt because I did lose one of my greatest friends even if to him, it was never like that.
“What you mean?”
Noah asked taking a triangle piece of my sandwich without asking. I didn’t mind, he shared his lunch with Finn all the time and didn’t even care to bring his own anymore, I couldn’t let him starve.
“Well, I thought we had a strong friendship! Not ... love.”
I explained to him.
“Is it love you’re scared of, or loving him?”
He asked as if he’d done this all his life.
“I don’t know... I guess both. I don’t see him that way at all. On the other hand, I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way towards anyone.”
I confessed.
I’ve always been scared of love. I mean, who isn’t? It’s normal to wonder if any of this is real? And also to wonder what’s the line between love and friendship. I loved spending time with Blaine, but I couldn’t see myself walking down the halls hand in hand. Is it still love? Am I repulsed by being attracted to someone, or being like this with my friend?
“I think that you just haven’t found the right person yet. It shouldn’t scare you if you truly love someone.”
Noah said, starting to sound like a therapist. It’s like he read my mind, he knew what to say. If he was looking for a job in psychology, he’d have no trouble getting one.
“I guess you are right. Where did you learn how to be so helpful?”
I asked, surprised by how genuinely nice he was.
“I know some things about love.”
We spent the rest of our lunch break talking. Maybe it was a great thing Rachel and Finn just happened to be sick on the same day. It’s no secret to anyone who knows either of them they might be in bed, but they surely aren’t sick.
I usually don’t waste too much of my time in the cafeteria, that day was probably the longest I stayed on the uncomfortable blue plastic chairs. Glancing at the big clock on the wall of the now almost empty cafeteria, I asked Noah if he wanted to go outside for the last half an hour we had. It was obvious that the rain was coming very soon, but I’ve always had a thing for watching the rain fall down. He did not look as weirded out as others when I told him this detail.
He listened to me talk, but never judged. He was basically my therapist but didn’t ask for any money and was actually fun to hang out with.
“So, I’m scared of love. What are you scared of?”
I asked him as we sat on the edge of the sidewalk. Rain was falling down slowly but my umbrella covered both of us as long as we stayed close. I didn’t mind sharing nor being close to him. Our shoulders were pressed against one another, and beside the sound of our voices, the only thing we could hear was the rain slowly forming puddles around us.
“I’m not scared of much in this life.”
“Drop the badass act with me mister Puckerman!”
I said hitting his shoulder softly.
“Let me finish, would you?”
He gave me one of those looks; annoyed but still meant no harm.
“As I was saying, I’m not scared of life, I’m scared of death.”
“Like what happens after you die?”
I asked him.
“Not really. I’m just scared the only stories I’ll be remembered for will be tossing innocent kids in dumpsters and breaking the record for the most failed exams in high school. There’s so much I’m scared of missing on.”
He opened up to me.
“But you are more than that! You’re the only guy that can make a Mohawk look good.”
I said making him laugh.
“Remember to write that on my grave when we won't have enough hair to think about styling it.”
“Because you think we will still know each other?”
I asked him, but never got an answer. He just changed the subject.
“What’s one thing you want to do before you die?”
“I’ll give you three. Make it on broadway, make enough money to travel the world and eventually settle down to maybe create my own family. What about you, any big dreams?”
“I want to graduate, for starters. After that, nothing matters except for one thing...”
He took a deep breath and added, looking down;
“I want to find love. To me, it’s the most important thing.”
“I want that too. I’m just not sure how I will know who’s the right guy.”
I admitted.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
I looked at him clueless.
“When you’ll meet him, you’ll know.”
“What if I already know him...?”
I thought out loud.
“You’re still talking about Blaine?”
He asked, confused.
“No, not this time.”
I mumbled under my breath. Not sure if he heard it but it didn’t matter, because he was right. I knew.
—
I was picking up my books for my next class when someone walked up to me. I turned around to find Blaine. I was ready to have this conversation with him. I knew what I had to do and I couldn’t avoid it much longer.
“I was wondering if you wanted to walk together to class?”
He asked, smiling awkwardly.
“Sure. I guess that I also owe you an answer.”
I picked up my pencil case from my backpack and closed the small door of my locker.
“I already know.”
He said, and before I could ask what he was talking about, he explained.
“I was looking for you after lunch and since I couldn’t find you anywhere, I went looking outside since I know you love rainy days. I saw you with this guy and even if I didn’t mean to spy on you, it was too obvious to miss.”
“Miss what?”
I asked walking slowly to the end of the hallway, where our next class was located.
“What I feel towards you, you feel the same... just not for me.”
“I’m sorry, Blaine. I really am.”
I said to him but he didn’t seem to be hurt.
“Don’t be! It’s a good thing! I honestly am happy for you, no hurt feelings. We’re friends after all!”
“I don’t see how it’s a good thing. How do I even know if he likes me back?”
I asked.
“Believe me, he does.”
Blaine whispered to me before we had to get to class.
I had one less thing to worry about; I wasn’t going to lose a friend over a one-sided love, but if I didn’t find a way to put words on my undeniable feelings for Noah, I might lose him.
I couldn’t lose him. For the first time, I started to believe in love, but he wouldn’t wait for me forever. I couldn’t risk him drifting apart, meet someone new and forget about me. I was not ready for love, but then again is there really such a thing as being ready?
The rest of the afternoon flew by quicker than usual. I wasn’t really paying attention to the classes and in between periods, I stayed by my locker, put all my stuff in my bag so, after school, I could just grab it and leave. My dad usually picked me up after work so I had to stay a little longer, I didn’t really care about taking the time to make sure I had everything in my bag. Noah, on the other hand, took the bus back home. I would often see him running down the hallways afraid he won’t get out on time and miss his bus.
I ran all the way to Noah’s locker and arrived just on time, one more minute and he’d be gone for the weekend.
“Kurt? What on earth are you doing here? Are you ok?”
He asked concerned as he pushed back a lock of my hair that was covering my eyes.
“Yeah. I am fine, I talked to Blaine.”
I was out of breath.
“And? What happened?”
“I’m in love.”
I said looking up to stare in his eyes.
“That’s great. I’m really happy for you two.”
He said, hiding the disappointment very badly.
“Let me finish, would ya? I am in love... With you.”
He was breathless, I could see through his eyes a mix of happiness and surprise.
“I know this love thing scares me, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this but I can’t risk you forgetting all about me.”
My voice was shaking. It probably took a few seconds, but while I waited for an answer, it seems like hours have passed by.
“I would never.”
He finally whispered.
“I would never forget you.”
“So it’s official? I am lucky enough to fall in love with someone who loves me back?”
I couldn’t hold back the big smile that appeared on my lips.
“I love you so much, Kurt.”
He whispered quickly before pulling me into a tight hug. I was on my tiptoes, arms wrapped around his neck, tears coming up my eyes but I couldn’t figure out why.
“Hey! Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?”
He asked, worried.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just feel overwhelmed with feelings right now.”
“Good feelings?”
He looked in my eyes.
“Only the best.”
I reached out for his hand while wiping away the tears.
Yeah, he was right... I would know when I’d meet the right person... turns out I didn’t have to look very far as he was standing just in front of me.