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❧ Marianne
The Goddess had not answered her prayers.
Whether her words had reached the goddess's ears, Marianne knew not. Time and time again, she rested on her knees within the cathedral and prayed - no, begged - for the goddess to grant her wish. But yet...Marianne remained.
The Crest of the Beast was to be feared. Those cursed with possession of such horrid power were prone to a monstrous transformation, one that drove them to slay dozens of innocents late into the night. The lineage of Maurice was ill-fated. Hope was irrelevant. All that could be done was pray - prayer after prayer, pleading for an end to the never-ending terror that Marianne felt in her heart. It was the only solution she could find. To remove herself, and remove this crest, from existence.
Enough of the war had plagued Marianne’s life that she knew the goddess would not provide her with the benevolence she sought. For the safety of those she treasured and those that she vowed to protect, Marianne knew what had to be done.
It was not for lack of attempts. Even at the monastery, Marianne had considered taking her life. Her intent was always to leave her fate in the hands of the goddess. Instead, she fulfilled her ravenous craving to repent with other methods. Punishing oneself was not something Marianne condoned - but she was different. Marianne was not to be compared to her peers. Each of the other students strived for a goal, an ambition. But she lacked this ideal. Marianne could barely contain the constant dread that ate away her desire to live on.
The Crest of the Beast.
I may be the next horror.
I must stop myself.
To protect everyone I love.
Fear. Marianne knew the emotion, but refused to recognize it as her own. She feared herself, and what she was capable of. Each glance she stole at her reflection caused an involuntary tremor within her skin. Nothing she was capable of was enough. Marianne worried that if - when - when the time came, she would not be able to stop herself. Each time that she felt she lacked control, Marianne would provide herself with a reminder.
Long sleeves kept her delicate skin covered at all times. Underneath, lay her remembrance. Each and every mark that interrupted the smooth porcelain prompted Marianne to remember who, and what she was. She had convinced herself that it was necessary to provide reminders. When she would lose control, she could only pray that these faux memories would be enough to maintain a sense of humanity.
But, as with her prayers, there had only been silence from the goddess. She lacked answers, but the solution was clear.
If the goddess was unable to aid her, Marianne would end the lineage.
Every detail had been planned since Marianne arrived at the monastery, though until now she had no intent to follow through. The Goddess Tower, at midnight. Students at the monastery had spread rumors that the Goddess Tower granted wishes - more so prayers, Marianne thought. The bells of the cathedral would ring through the monastery, twelve times. The destruction that the war had brought through Garreg Mach had destroyed most of the beloved structures, but Marianne cared little about the details.
Trying not to focus too closely on her impulsive purpose, Marianne quite enjoyed the walk to the tower. Despite the ravages of war, the monastery had been maintained. Perhaps it was due to Seteth’s devotion and compassion for the grounds, but some of the animals still remained. It was heartwarming, even if only briefly.
Pale, gentle hands traced the stone walls as Marianne leisurely ascended the stairs to the Goddess Tower. Footsteps echoed through the stairwell as if she were the only one present in the monastery. It was unsettling, but Marianne had no reason to be afraid. She was to eradicate her terrors once and for all. She had one last wish to make, and one final prayer to offer the goddess.
As she reached the top, her gaze was immediately drawn to a pair of birds nestled atop one of the adjacent buildings. To anyone else, they were simply animals thoughtlessly existing. But to Marianne…these birds were clearly in love. Nestled with one another, and for a moment she wondered if they were a family. Lord Edmund had been the closest she could remember to family, and she was blessed by the goddess’s benevolence. He had treated her well, despite her curse, and her heart ached knowing of how her actions would hurt him. But, it was necessary. To protect him.
I wish that I was able to fly free, beside someone that I love...but that is not for me.
❧ Dimitri
The bodies of Imperial soldiers surrounded the grotesque figure, propped against a pillar of the Goddess Tower. A cloak stained in blood, and an inhuman glint in his left eye - the Tempest King was a force to be reckoned with. Isolation could barely describe the horrors that he had witnessed since Edelgard’s declaration of war. The toll that the war had taken on Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd was severe. Branded a traitor and a murderer, the convicted prince escaped with great sacrifice. Now, alone within the ruins of the monastery, Dimitri was convinced that he was to meet his end.
Not that it mattered. What was left for Dimitri? A war-torn, shell of a land, or perhaps his broken family and kingdom he was now banished from returning to. There was nothing. There was nothing the prince could do to stop the visions from coming. His parents were the most frequent visitors - and all he could do was promise them that he would do all in his power to avenge them. But no matter how he tried, he...he just killed.
The number that he had slain since the monastery fell escaped him. He could barely remember their faces. Each innocent life had a story, a family behind them that surely awaited his return. But Dimitri didn’t. These people were fighting blindly for the Empire, for a cause they knew little to nothing about. If the wretched Empress had told the truth of her cause, those sheep might not follow so blindly.
So, he did as he must. He killed. It was the only method of survival he knew left, and the guilt had escaped him. He had long forgotten the days when it mattered - who they were, and why they had died for their cause. Now, it was an easy act. There was no one to match his strength, and it was a matter of survival . What was it that the professor had taught him before she disappeared? Survival of the fittest. Whichever opponent was more adaptable and ambitious would win. Even many years later, Dimitri held that statement in his mind. He would always, without fail, remain.
He would remain to finish what he knew must be done. Edelgard could not be ignored. She had started this, she was the cause for the suffering and hatred troubling their lands. And as he lay in the tower, exhausted and hopeless, his motivation remained.
A figure in the distance tore him from his mind. With cold hands he gripped his spear so tightly, his knuckles ached. Dimitri had been so confident that no Imperial soldiers remained, and he hadn’t heard anyone approach. How could he have been so careless? No matter, one more body would mean little to him. But as the figure approached, his grip softened and he felt a strange pull in his chest.
“Marianne?”
❧ Marianne
“Marianne?”
The voice startled her so intensely that a gasp escaped her lips. Had someone been here all along?! Immediately, horror began to fill in her chest as she turned to look in the direction the sound had journeyed from. Her eyes settled on a dreadful sight, and she lifted a hand to her lips.
Dimitri?
It had been years since she had seen any of the other students, let alone one of another house. In letters she exchanged with Hilda, the girl mentioned that Dimitri was thought to be dead. There was little chance he had survived, but…
Was it his spirit, perhaps? She was at the Goddess Tower, and she had asked the goddess for guidance, a sign, anything -- was this what she had desired so desperately?
“For a moment, I thought my eye deceived me... Perhaps the goddess brings you to me in the form of an angel.”
His voice trembled. Was he afraid of her, too? No...he did not seem frightened. Marianne approached him, cautiously, stopping a few yards away. She could see now that they were closer, but if it were not for his voice, she may not have recognized him. Disheveled, dirty...there were too many words to describe how Dimitri appeared before her, but none suited him more than broken .
As his pale blue eye moved in her direction, Marianne believed that he was looking through her. He did not seem to recognize that she was in his presence, but she wondered if that was due to her appearance. She was better kept after returning home and regaining a sliver of confidence, albeit gone now. But an angel? Marianne hardly deserved such praise, especially as a servant of the goddess as he suggested. He looked unwell, and he seemed to lack the personality she had known him fondly for.
“I am afraid I still have work to do...have you come to reprimand my lack of progress? Or have you come to bring me to Sothis?”
The question hung in the air, bringing a sense of tension with it. Dimitri truly believed she was a ghost. And yet, moments ago, Marianne had an identical thought. As hardened as he appeared, she thought she might play along for a little while.
“No...it is not yet your time,” the woman answered him softly. She needed to choose her language carefully. “Why is it that you believed so quickly I was here to lead you to the goddess?”
Dimitri hesitated. Marianne could see the remains of human thought behind the glossy emptiness of his eye. “This does not matter... In the end, I am either continuing on my bloody path, or joining my parents.” The flicker of hope she’d seen had disappeared. But Marianne was determined to find it again.
Dimitri had always been kind. He had protected her on more than one occasion, often coming to her rescue when she found herself in danger. Marianne had requested he keep his distance, but… Dimitri was determined to show her the error of her thoughts. And he had. Before the war, Marianne felt a new light in her heart. In more ways than one, Dimitri had inspired the change she experienced following their graduation. Now Marianne owed him that same kindness. She knew in part why he felt the way he did.
It doesn’t feel good, does it...to be the one left behind? You feel guilt for not dying along with the others.
They were the same. Aside from Marianne’s horrid curse, she and Dimitri shared a great deal of experiences that plagued them. He had helped her to overcome hers, even if for a fleeting moment! As desperately as Marianne needed to fulfill her duty to this world, she first had to uphold that same duty to the goddess. She had to try, at the very least, to bring a sense of humanity back to the shell of a man before her.
“Do you remember what you said to me, while we ate lunch together?” Marianne smiled weakly, stepping closer. “You told me that we were the same. That I should be cautious, and that you might be the one who was cursed.” Another step. “And I said that I was overjoyed to know that someone else was familiar with my burden.”
Dimitri was no longer looking in her direction. Instead, he was staring vaguely out at the night sky. There were an abundance of clouds covering the deep blue, but a few stars still shone through to greet them. It was a welcome sight, but Marianne knew he wasn’t looking at them. He simply wasn’t present.
“Do you still feel this, Dimitri? That you are cursed, alone in this world?”
He did not move from his slouched stance. He did not blink, and had she not looked closer, Marianne might’ve thought that he was not breathing. He was still. The more she looked, the more she almost believed that he was the divine being, sent by the goddess to convince her to start anew. As ominous as it seemed, Marianne almost felt that it was childlike. Something about the way that he leaned against the stone, his eye glazed over - it reminded her of a child deep in thought, thinking about what it meant to grow up. It had cost him everything.
“I do.” Marianne was so captivated by the scene before her that she had forgotten her own statement. She hadn’t expected a reply. “Each and every person close to me has met a terrible fate… I am cursed...and yet--” As if the trance had broken, Dimitri turned to look at Marianne. For the first time, his blue eye met hers in a piercing gaze that would intimidate any opponent, but Marianne was not afraid.
“I despise standing...knowing how many fell to keep me on my feet.”
Marianne opened her mouth, ready to respond, but the look on his face caused her to hesitate. His gaze had softened, and he relaxed back against the stone pillar behind him. His hands loosened their grip on the spear he still held, and it rested weakly in his lap as he looked up at Marianne. For a moment, Dimitri looked...fearful. Her heart stung. Of course, she felt the same. Somehow, their burdens continued to parallel, despite wildly separate circumstances.
“I am a monster,” Dimitri continued, finally breaking away and looking out at the night sky. “I hate what I have become. I let hatred consume me.” He continued to relax into his posture, his head now leaning against the stone. “But you...Marianne, you are a sight for sore eyes…” He closed his eye, and brought a hand to the eyepatch covering his other. “I am glad you were one of my final visions…”
Marianne’s body moved on it’s own. Soft hands wrapped around the armor encasing Dimitri’s hand. Both of her hands hardly covered the gauntlet, but it did not seem to deter her. Kneeling in front of him now, Marianne had lost sight of why she had come to the tower. Dimitri looked to her, shocked, but said nothing. After a few moments of silence, Marianne finally spoke.
“This is not where you give up!” Her sweet, silvery voice trembled and threatened to catch in her throat. Her chest burned, and Marianne briefly worried that tears might begin to spill. “You are not a monster…” She did not want to startle Dimitri with such an eager tone, but she could hardly contain herself.
“You cannot give up on yourself so easily,” she pleaded. “You were there to aid me when I thought I was lost and alone, and I want to return the favor.” Dimitri was looking down at their hands, deep in thought. Marianne hoped that she was pressing through his exterior, and truly helping him to see what she saw.
❧ Dimitri
As Marianne gripped his hand tightly, he was suddenly conscious of the fact that she was truly in his presence. He had been so convinced in that moment that there was no possibility of Marianne...but there she was.
Her gown suited her. Dimitri knew it was an odd thought but...it illuminated how far she had progressed since he’d seen her last. Her hair was kept in the same crowned braid, but there were no strands astray. Her skin was positively glowing, and there was a liveliness to her that he had not seen before. Her hazel eyes glinted with tears, and Dimitri was almost moved to reach out and brush his thumb across her velvety cheek. Simply looking at her - admiring her - was enough for Dimitri. She had grown up. And he…
“I am sorry. I wanted to be someone you could rely on...or look up to.”
Marianne did not skip a beat. “But you are! You are fighting so valiantly for a cause that I, too, believe in! And you have survived through so much…” Dimitri’s eyes wandered to her lips. They were quivering. He glanced back up to meet her eyes, but instead Dimitri watched as the young woman bit harshly on her lower lip to contain the tears that rested at the edges of her warm eyes. “Please, Dimitri...promise me that you will live!” Her petit hands gripped his hand so tightly that he worried she might injure herself.
“Can you promise me the same?”
Startled, Marianne’s grip relaxed, and Dimitri seized the opportunity. Removing one of his gloves, he placed a calloused hand against her soft cheek, keeping her remaining hand in his.
“I know that you feel the pain I feel. I know the burden on your heart, and I know the sole reason that brings you to the Goddess Tower so late into the evening.” He gripped her hand ever so slightly. Marianne avoided his gaze. “You are afraid. You anticipate that change, and you’re haunted by the memory of what your life means.”
The young woman said nothing, but she trembled at Dimitri’s touch. He could see the tears spilling onto her cheeks, but he made no further move to comfort her. Not yet.
“Do not give up on yourself, or your precious life.”
The silence that followed was cumbersome. The perception of pain between the two was immense. Who else could understand so deeply the burden they carried? Marianne’s gentle sobs broke the silence of the night air. The evening chill was taunting them to retreat indoors, but with Marianne in Dimitri’s arms, enveloped in that blood-soaked cloak, neither could feel the cold night air that threatened to break their connection. For those few moments, not even the war in Fódlan could compete with the vulnerability they felt for one another. If he was not able to find purpose in living for himself, he could do so for her. She held so much fear in her heart, but the safety in his arms could be enough to quell her concerns for a little while.
All implications of the word monster were long forgotten in their embrace.
“I won’t.”
Goddess, I wish that…
...we might stay this way forever.