Chapter Text
Hwanwoong would never admit it, but he liked being the smallest in the group. It was certainly annoying at times. Constantly being cooed at, everyone reacting with aww’s instead of ooh’s. Even the incessant touching he received from all the members could get overbearing. He knew his height was charming, both to the fans and to everyone else who appreciated his short stature.
But he had grown accustomed to a certain someone’s chest against his back. It’s not like all of the members weren’t constantly glomping him or wrapping an arm around his shoulder. There was just a specific person who did it more than others. It was annoying how quickly he had not only grown used to it, but actually became attached to the feeling. Always having someone there wrapped around him felt like a comfort blanket that he couldn’t get anywhere else. Youngjo had no problems providing him with this comfort, either.
There were days where Hwanwoong would stay behind at the practice room, his feet pounding the floor and his body snapping and contorting for hours. It’s not like he had much else to do when there weren’t schedules. He’d come home, his entire body sore and weak in a way that made every movement painful, and instantly be greeted by the familiar arms wrapping around him.
“You’re back late.” Youngjo would say, standing in the doorway, clearly having stayed up to wait for Hwanwoong’s return.
Hwanwoong would nod with a weak smile, slide off his shoes and pat the elder on the arm as he walked by. Before he could protest Youngjo would hug him from behind. He was so warm and smelled like home and- Hwanwoong tried to stop those thoughts there.
At first it was easy. Easy enough to ignore Youngjo and his cocky smile, his lingering touches. It wasn’t exactly unusual for young guys their age to be physically affectionate. Hwanwoong wasn’t an idiot- and he certainly didn’t read into the fact that Youngjo practically glued himself to his back any chance he saw. He didn’t think much of the fact that Youngjo would stay up waiting for him after schedules, since that was the eldest’s job.
The young dancer never even truly thought about it until he came home late once and found Youngjo passed out by the door. None of them had cell-phones, so there wasn’t any way for Youngjo to call Hwanwoong to check in on him.
“Hyung.” Hwanwoong called, shaking Youngjo awake.
Youngjo didn’t even look mad. He just smiled warmly upon taking in Hwanwoong’s face, taking the hand offered and being pulled up to a stand. Surely sleeping there mustn't have been comfortable, Hwanwoong thought, but Youngjo only smiled before pulling him into a hug and whispering “glad you’re home” into his ear.
Then it became harder.
Suddenly Hwanwoong would notice the absence of Youngjo. When Youngjo wasn’t there, pressed against his back and offering quiet words of encouragement. When Youngjo couldn’t stay up waiting for Hwanwoong to come home, because he was in the studio making music. The dancer felt dumb when he finally realized that was he was feeling was disappointment when arms would wrap around his waist and they weren’t Youngjo’s.
It became a routine over time, however. The late night rendezvous they would have when one or the other would come home late, the other having stayed awake to wait for them. This detail was never acknowledged. They were all tired, and they all should have been in bed getting what little sleep they could; but Youngjo and Hwanwoong had an unspoken agreement together.
“Hey.” Youngjo whispered, grinning his usual cocky grin.
Hwanwoong rolled his eyes, secretly happy to see his elder upon returning to the dorm. His body ached and protested him even standing. So when Youngjo wrapped his arms around him, like he always did, enveloping him like the small and petite being he was- Hwanwoong practically melted.
Youngjo easily supported the smaller man, “You okay?”
The younger nodded, slowly - no, reluctantly - pulling away. “Yeah, just tired.” he whispered back. They were always quiet during these moments. Hwanwoong wondered if it was because they were worried about waking the others, or if being any louder would make it feel too real.
“Well, you should have a snack before you take a shower.” Youngjo began to lead him to the kitchen, his hand on Hwanwoong’s waist, “you don’t wanna fall.”
Hwanwoong didn’t object. Wordlessly he followed the elder, accepting the small sandwich handed to him. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that Youngjo had seemingly prepared this food just for him, as it wasn’t there when he had left the dorm.
“Thank you, hyung.” Hwanwoong smiled, sleepiness and weariness starting to wash over him.
Youngjo shook his head, “Just go take a shower before you fall asleep.”
Hwanwoong probably should have realized then that there was something else going on, but instead he closed his eyes and relished the feeling of Youngjo rubbing a hand up and down his back, placing a kiss to the younger’s temple.
“Goodnight.”
It became increasingly difficult to continue their late night hangouts after they had their comeback. Hwanwoong couldn’t complain. He loved being busy with schedules, performing for his fans and doing it well. There was something unique and special about being on a stage with his best friends. Even if it was a job, he was still thankful for it.
Now, they’d get home at the end of the day and practically collapse throughout the house. Those of the group with enough energy would take showers and brush their teeth first, while others would drag themselves through the dorm with sloth-like ambivalence.
Hwanwoong was one of the few that was still awake after everyone else had finished their showers and climbed into bed. Only Geonhak and Youngjo remained, the younger rapper only hanging out for a short while before crawling into bed. That left Hwanwoong and Youngjo alone together, again.
“Hyung?” Hwanwoong called. He was sprawled out on the floor across from the couch, his body feeling as if it was buzzing.
Youngjo hummed, signaling that he was still awake.
“Aren’t you gonna take a shower?”
“Hmm. Tired.”
Hwanwoong rolled his eyes. “Me too. But we stink.”
“Go shower. I’ll wait.”
“I think I’ll fall down if I try to shower now.” the dancer admits.
There is silence for a moment. Hwanwoong wonders if the older has fallen asleep already, his sweaty skin probably stuck to the couch. The thought makes him cringe, but when he finally leans up from the floor and peers over he meets Youngjo’s eyes.
“What?” he asks with a somewhat curious chuckle.
Youngjo seems to shake out of his thoughts and frowns, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” there is a weird nervous energy surrounding him that makes Hwanwoong feel on edge.
“No, hyung, tell me.”
For a moment, it seems like Youngjo isn’t going to say anything. It makes Hwanwoong feel a little sad, he realizes. He had missed their late-night chats and there had never been anything awkward about them. They were close. This was the first and only time that Youngjo had ever hesitate to tell him anything.
Then, Youngjo speaks. “I was going to offer to help you, but then I thought better of it.”
Oh. That is not what he expected to hear. Moreover, it takes Hwanwoong by surprise that his first reaction is to wonder why? Now it’s his turn not to say anything. His thoughts race as he tries to figure out how he feels about his friend’s words. This was a delicate place to be. He didn’t want to scare Youngjo by acting freaked out or offended- because he wasn’t. There were implications in the elder’s words. Implications laced through an offering that was revoked before it was even given.
“Okay.” he finally whispers. “You can help me.”
His eyes slowly travel to look at Youngjo. The usual cocky smirk isn’t there. Instead there is a genuine look of surprise, mutual understanding, wary trepidation, and relief.
“Are you sure you know what I mean?” Youngjo whispers, his voice almost inaudible.
The answer to that question is no, Hwanwoong isn’t sure. There is only so much he can say in fear that what he thinks is happening is not actually happening. Does he mean what Hwanwoong thinks he means? That being that this isn’t just a friendly ‘I’ll help you walk to the bathroom and make sure you shower’ thing, and is a ‘I’ll help you shower by being in the shower with you ’ thing.
In the time it takes for Hwanwoong to mull it over, Youngjo speaks again. “I don’t want you to feel this means something it doesn’t.” he says, and the words feel like a stone being dropped in the pit of Hwanwoong’s stomach before he clarifies, “not if you don’t want it to.”
It’s that moment that finally makes it click for Hwanwoong. All these months of staying up for each other, sneaking extra food into the dorm to give to the other, the lingering touches, the eye contact that makes him feel a giddy nervousness. It all meant something. Not just in the friendly co worker groupmate way.
“I want it to.” the words finally leave him, “I want it to mean something.”
He can’t even bring himself to look and Youngjo now. He feels both overwhelmed with affection and excitement at finally being able to admit that yes, he does feel something about his hyung, and filled with a unique sense of nerves and anxiety about what this means for them.
“Hwanwoong.” Youngjo breaks the silence, forcing the younger to look at him. “Come here.”
It doesn’t take long this time to bring his body from the floor, crossing the space and falling onto the couch next to Youngjo. They sit side to side like that for a moment before the elder brings his hand around Hwanwoong’s.
“We should probably get in the shower then before we just fall asleep.” Youngjo laughs quietly, his attempt to break the awkward silence.
The younger nods, squeezing their hands. “Let’s go.”
Any worries Hwanwoong had about awkwardness or not being on the same page were quelled when the shower tap had been turned on. He could tell Youngjo was nervous, yet was putting on the same face he used on stage. One that communicated ‘I know what I’m doing, and how to do it well.’ It reassured Hwanwoong that he hadn’t misunderstood and that he was being taken care of.
He had stood frozen in his spot for a moment when Youngjo had started undressing, though. It wasn’t as though they hadn't seen each other naked before. This was just a different context. The implications were different now. He eventually managed to pull his eyes away and begin to take his own clothes off.
There were no words exchanged when they had both fully stripped and stepped into the shower. In the time it had taken to get to this point, the water heater had been fully replenished. Steam billowed around them as they took turns under running water. It felt like a rebirth to Hwanwoong, as silly as it felt to him to acknowledge.
He washed away the dirt and sweat of his day’s labor. But he was also with someone else, sharing a moment that changed the meaning of their previous time together. Now they were here, naked in the shower, and it meant something and it wasn’t bad.
They took turns shampooing each other’s hair, fingers massaging soothing circles into their scalps. A washcloth was lathered with body wash and delicately dragged over skin. It wasn’t sexual, just intimate. It felt more like home than he was able to acknowledge in his sleep deprived state.
When all soap had been washed away by the stream of the showerhead, there was a comfortable silence. The water was starting to get cold but neither seemed to notice.
“Hwanwoong?”
“Yeah?”
Hwanwoong watched as a smile crept onto the elder’s features, “Nothing. I just can’t believe this is happening is all.”
In a moment of braveness, the younger took a step closer and wrapped his arms around Youngjo’s waist. Their bare bodies were pressed together but it wasn’t sexual. Arms came to wrap around his small frame and he smiled contently, feeling so warm and accepted and happy . He raised his head from Youngjo’s chest and peered warmly up at him.
“Kiss me and it will make it real.” he whispered.
Youngjo did.